


Delicate Stages

by WhereAnaWrites



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Banter, Bucky Barnes's Metal Arm, Bucky Barnes's Trigger Words, Coffee Coffee Coffee, Dirty Talk, Explicit Language, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Fight Scenes, Fighting, Fingering, Flashbacks, Flirting, Food Sharing, Hydra, Hydra (Marvel), Mentions of PTSD, Mentions of Suicide, Mentions of brainwashing, Metal Arm Kink, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Minor Character Death, NSFW, Night Terrors, Nightmares, Non-Graphic Violence, Oral Sex, Original Character(s), Original Female Character(s) - Freeform, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, S.H.I.E.L.D - Freeform, SHIELD, Sex, Slow Burn, Smut, Teasing, The Winter Soldier - Freeform, Trigger words, Trust, a little black dress at some point in time, because lets be real that totally a thing, deprogramming, mcu - Freeform, thigh riding, unprotected sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-02
Updated: 2018-09-12
Packaged: 2019-04-17 06:41:14
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 52
Words: 202,640
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14183127
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WhereAnaWrites/pseuds/WhereAnaWrites
Summary: James Buchanan 'Bucky' Barnes agrees to Deprogramming Sessions. What he gets is not anything like he expected.Bucky is seriously considering going back on his decision, and his feet shift towards the exit of their own accord. The thing is, as easy as it would be to just leave, to slip into the shadows, he doesn't want to run anymore. He's tired of it.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I fell down the darkest dark rabbits hole when it came to this idea for a Bucky Barnes story. Basically, this is self indulgence at this point.
> 
> This is my first ever Bucky Bares/Marvel fic, so please bare with me if anyone reads it. I have no idea if this plot has been done yet, but if it has, this is still originally from my own crazy mind. :)
> 
> Please enjoy. (hopefully)
> 
> Story takes place after CA: Civil War, minus that final battle scene, as that part doesn't fit well into this plot at this time. Same with the ending scene of the movie.
> 
> Title from Taylor Swift's Delicate  
> (because I was listening to that song while coming up with this story. sue me.)  
> I do not own any Marvel characters, or song titles.

Up state New York is beautiful. The luscious green tress of the surrounding woods gives an air of serenity around the massive building standing just on the outskirts. The windows of the hallway span from the ceiling to the floor, and it almost looks like a photo from a postcard. Branches with various types of leaves sway wildly in the air, the wind a rather forceful tone today. It rustles the leaves so loudly, it's heard through the windows into the hallway.

It should be a beautiful and peaceful setting, with the pale blue skies hovering over the tree tops. The scenery should be met with tranquil piece of mind, with how picturesque it is. However, it's met with the opposite. A light whining noise breaks the silence of the hallway as Bucky Barnes clenches his fists. He glances down at his left hand, vaguely wondering if he should have slipped his gloves on to hide the shiny metal. He lifts his eyes back to the trees outside, the calm setting a contrast to what he is feeling inside. He clenches his fists, not out of anger, but from anxiety. He's anxious. 

There's been a chaotic whirling in his chest and a sharp clenching in his gut the second he was brought here. He can't help the anxiousness rising up in his body, snaking it's way up his stomach, around his heart and burning the back of his throat. He shouldn't be standing in the hallway of the giant compound that holds training sessions, meetings of SHIELD agents and houses some members of the Avengers. These are people he has fought and tried to kill as his indoctrinate brain followed orders. It's taking everything Bucky has in him not to turn around and walk out, slipping back into the shadows of the outside world. 

At least there he felt safe, even if it was a false sense of it. At least hiding in the shadows allowed him to keep a low profile, out of sight, out of mind to say. He had been doing just fine keeping up pretenses and getting by in his little run down apartment, but now. Now he is standing there, staring out at the trees and waiting. Waiting for Steve to come back out of the room he walked into, telling Bucky to stay here in this spot for a few minutes. Those few minutes have passed and Steve is still in the room.

Bucky is seriously considering going back on his decision, and his feet shift towards the exit of their own accord. The thing is, as easy as it would be to just leave, he doesn't want to run anymore. He's tired of it. Tired of hiding and trying to figure everything out on his own. It's been hard, those two years of doing just that. Hiding, running, trying to gather broken fragments of memories that have been scrambled in his brain so much, so severely, that it's taken him that long to even begin to put them together. So, he made the decision to come here, after Steve suggested that maybe a little help wouldn't be so bad.

He's willing to accept help, from anyone who can or wants to try to deprogram Hydra's brainwashing. He is willing to do whatever it takes to heal his mind, find a cure for it. However, he isn't too sure about the people in the compound and what their thoughts and opinions might be. That is were his anxiety comes in. He inhales deeply, trying to calm the nerves. Then exhales, wishing the anxiety could go with it. Bucky has tried convincing himself over and over again that he isn't a cold blooded assassin, but that doesn't mean everyone else will be convinced. 

The clicking of a handle pulls Bucky out of his reverie, drawing his gaze from the scenery to the door. Steve steps out with a smile on his face, so that has to mean some good news, right? Behind him, a blonde woman emerges from the room and Bucky recognizes her, though he can't place her name. He quickly reads her expression, neutral and calm, but the tightness around her dark brown eyes gives away her apprehension. He should probably get used to it around here if he stays.

"All set." Steve informs him, clasping his hand on Bucky's shoulder. He's sure it is meant to be encouraging. "Everything is cleared for you to start."

"I'll go inform Rios." The woman says, giving them a quick nod. Bucky waits until the soft thumping of her shoes fades down the hallway.

"Do you really think this will work?" Bucky questions, his stomach twisting unpleasantly. "This whole deprogramming process?"

Steve squeezes his shoulder. "I really do. I have faith in you, Buck."

"That makes one of us." He mumbles. He sees Steve frown and about to protest, but he asks another question. "How soon does it start?"

"You can start whenever you want. You'll have a room here and an area to yourself if it gets too much. I can take you there now or-"

"No." Bucky interrupts, his heart fluttering with the same nervousness as his stomach. He doesn't want to be left alone in a room just yet. "I think it's best to start now."

"It's going to be fine. You are going to be fine, Bucky." Steve reassures him. "I have complete trust in the person picked for the process."

Bucky nods, finally uncurling his fists. He swallows down the nearly crippling level of anxiety now. "I'm ready."

 

*** 

Bucky is lead to a different hallway, that leads to a different set of elevators that leads to a different floor. This process goes on five more times, before they reach their destination. With every floor the landed on, with every hallway they walked down, Bucky took note of possible escape routes, just in case they need to be used at some point in time. When they reach the double white doors of a new section of the facility, the nerves Bucky has attempted to tamper down come back in full. The doors open, and out steps the blonde woman from earlier. 

"We're all set," She tells them, and this time there a small smile on her face. "Someone seemed a little excited."

"Why doesn't that surprise me?" Steve chuckles.

The blonde addresses Bucky directly. "Sergeant Barnes, we'll take you down to area where the majority of the deprogramming will take place. Don't be nervous, this should be a safe place for you, and it will probably be stressed that it is."

"Bucky." He corrects her, insisting not to be addressed by any other name.

She nods. "Ready?"

"Lead the way."

***

He's suddenly left alone in the giant, open room, standing in front of a gray, L shaped desk. He scans the room again, eyes following the few guards and agents walking along the second level. They don't pay him too much regard and he's grateful for that, but he can't help the inkling that when the people stop to talk to each other, that they're talking about him. Bucky moves his gaze along, lingering on the white, metal door on the far side of the room. Eventually, the real deprogramming begins in there, and he hopes it looks nothing like that damn Red Room.

Bucky turns his back on the door, opting to sit on top of the desk, instead of the rolling chair. The surface itself is tidy, with minimal notebooks and pens, and a computer laptop. There are two empty mugs sitting next to the laptop, and a white chord plugged into the wall.

At that moment, the doors to the first level open. In walks, or rather what looks like a strut, a woman, her thick heeled boots clacking against the tile. She's wearing black jeans, and a dark blue button up shirt, sleeves rolled up to her elbows, and the majority of the buttons undone, revealing a white shirt beneath it. Her brown hair is pulled into a side braid that she flicks over her shoulder as the man behind her says something. 

It's the almost palpable air of annoyance that she flicked her hair with that intrigues Bucky for some reason. There seems to be a presence about the woman, given the way the two men that followed her in the room are acting. The one who just spoke to her seems just as annoyed, but she doesn't pay him attention. Instead, she walks with sure, confident steps to another desk, pulls open a drawer and takes out a file. She smirks at the man and his expression drops. The second man, this one wearing a thick vest and armed with two visible guns, a security guard, says something. His words make the woman bark out a laugh, and the vivacious sound echoes across the room.

The guard pats the woman on the shoulder, then leaves their side. He walks across the room, eyes catching Bucky's for a brief moment, and the ghost of his smile disappears. Clearly his reputation has gotten around to every corner of this giant building. Bucky grinds his teeth together, his jaw clenching, and inhales through his nose, then out forcefully through his mouth. He'll just sit and wait for the deprogramming person and ignore all the weary looks he's getting. He doesn't need to wait long however, because it seems like the woman who laughed is that person.

She has to weave her way through other tables before she reaches him. She swipes little notebooks from different tables, and steals a pen off another one. The remaining man behind her looks like he's finished with his day already and Bucky wonders if it's due to the girl. He can instantly read the tension between them, and it doesn't read well. Finally, they both reach the area where Bucky is sitting.

“Your new assignment.” The man speaks curtly. 

He's got short blonde hair, and dull green eyes gleaming with disdain. Bucky doesn't know him, but he already doesn't like him. It doesn't take much for Bucky not to like someone. In fact, he mainly stays clear of people in general, but this one, this one he doesn't care to get to know.

“I’d appreciate if you didn’t speak to him as if he was a piece of paper, Sharp.” The woman snips, a passive aggressive smile on her lips. “Thank you for your unnecessary escort, which wasn't asked for, but I’m fully capable of handling it from here.” 

She waves the file in her hand in a shooing motion. Twice. The guy name Sharp narrows his eyes, then nods stiffly, turning away. Apparently this woman has a high level of authority.

“Ass-hat.” She mumbles under her breath. 

Bucky can't help but smirk at the comment. She tosses the folder in her hand to the side, landing with a dull smack on the desk. The move makes him frown in confusion.

“I'm Ana, and I'll be heading the Deprogramming sessions." She greets, smiling genuinely and holding out her hand. Bucky can't find a reason not to shake it, so he does. She's got an unexpected firm grip. 

"Please pay him no mind. Jared’s a dick.” Ana says, releasing his hand. She picks up the two mugs sitting on the table. “Coffee?”

As evaluations goes, this one is starting off rather strange. He doesn’t really know what to do, so he just nods. Ana smiles, bright and open. He watches her walk over to the coffee station, preparing two cups. While she’s distracted, Bucky’s curiosity takes over, reaching for the file. 

His heart rate picks up as he scans the papers. Notes and pictures of him clipped together. It’s an entire summary of his history; before, during and post Hydra. There’s some handwritten notes as well, something familiar about the script. He swallows the bitterness burning in the back of his throat, anxiety curling in his stomach once more. He begins to think that this deprogramming process might be a bad idea. A horrible idea. That something horrible will happen and he’ll be lost forever; mind completely unsalvageable. He’s not really sure why Steve pressed so hard for this.

“Hey.”

A voice pulls Bucky out of his thoughts. He looks up to see Ana staring back at him, her expression unreadable. She hands him one of the mugs, then keeps her hand open, exchanging it for the file. Bucky hands it to her. She holds it up.

“This, isn’t your concern.” She tells him gently, “whatever is in this file does not define you, got that? If not, that’s what I’m here for. We’ll work on that, and many other things. As for right now, this isn’t important.” 

Then she opens a drawer, drops the file in and closes it. She doesn’t ask for a confirmation, but Bucky finds himself nodding anyway.

“What is important,” Ana continues, “is this.” She takes a long sip of her coffee.

It takes a moment, but then it clicks in Bucky’s brain. “Coffee is important?”

“Extremely. A very vital part of the day.” She answers, nodding her head head at his own cup. “Go ahead, I didn’t poison it or anything.”

He smirks against the rim of his cup when he lifts it to his mouth. She’s going to be an interesting one, but her presence already seems to have a calming effect on him. The anxiety has simmered, and his heartbeat is back to normal. He notices a hint of mirth dancing in her browns eyes; little gold flecks scattered in them.

“Alright.” She starts, putting her cup down. “There’s only one rule to go by.”

“Go on.” 

“We don’t start anything before coffee. That’s it. We'll probably have some long days here and to get through that...” She beams at him, holding up her mug. "It keeps me sane, which keeps you and anyone here from my wrath."

Bucky hasn’t really smiled a whole lot lately, but he suddenly as a feeling he’s going to start. He can feel a bemused one spreading across his lips already. When Steve first brought the idea of deprogramming up, Bucky didn’t think he’d be paired up with someone like Ana. Expecting a stern focused agent who probably wouldn’t give two shits about him and his process. An agent who was buff, built and could and probably take him on in a fight without hesitation. 

Instead, he gets this straight forward, spit fire of a woman, and he’s only just met her. She's wearing three inch heels, but she is probably a good foot and a couple of inches shorter than himself. The define curves she has show off a delicate shape, but a closer looks says just the opposite. There’s subtle hints of muscles in her arms, triceps and biceps standing out just enough under her tight sleeves. Her thighs are thick but lean, her strength obviously lying in her legs. She could probably take him in a fight just as much, even more so, but he doesn’t want to find out if that’s true. He'd really rather not fight anyone if he doesn't have to.

"So, James Buchanan Barnes. AKA Bucky. AKA Sergeant Barnes, AKA The Winter Soldier. Age 30, give or that about seventy years. That's incredible. Healthy as a horse, you have to tell me your secret." 

Bucky huffs a single chuckle. She's not even reading from the file, just reciting off memory. Or from what Steve has told her. He doesn't have anything on her besides her name, so he grants her another. 

"Annie." 

Her eyes narrow, a muscle twitching at her jaw. "That's not my name."

"It is now."

Ana purses her lips, decides against whatever comeback she has, and unceremoniously sits down in the chair. It's amazing she didn't spill a drop of her coffee. She rocks back in her seat, gracefully lifting one leg and crossing it over her other. She makes give him a pointed look, then her eye shift down. 

When Bucky follows her gaze, the mug of coffee is sitting idly by his thigh. He pick it up because he didn't get any sleep the night before. Way too nervous about how the day would go. He takes a cautious sip, and it has to be one of the best cups he has had. Which doesn't seem right as it came from a machine that hold little pods.

"I ground my own coffee that I bring in." Ana explains. He must have shown his curiosity. That, or she can read minds. "I put in a dash of cinnamon, then in the filter, and pour hot water over it. There's a little pour over station hiding behind the keurig."

"Seems like a lot of effort." Bucky states against the rim of his mug.

"Yeah...but is that not a damn good cup of coffee?" Ana smiles knowingly at him.

He wasn't serious about the mind reading thing, but now its a probability. "It is actually."

She looks like she takes pride in that. Such a small little thing, but she takes pride in it. Bucky racks his mind, wondering is he has taken pride in anything the last two years. He can't think of anything, other than being able to hide for two years without suspicion. Though, if he really thinks about it, was that pride, or a necessity. He's going to pick the latter.

"Now that the coffee rule is out of the way," Ana speaks, placing her now empty mug on desk. "I'm going to give you a choice here, and it's completely up to you. We can either start this process now, or you can decide that the coffee talk was enough for you today and I can show you where you'll be staying?"

Bucky opens his mouth to answer, but closes it after a second. He doesn't know what he wants, or what he should do. Half of him wants to get the day over with, wants to just go to this new room, with hopefully a bed, and crash. The other half of him just wants to see where the rest of this first meeting goes. Ana is intriguing to him already, and he has yet to read any fear or apprehension in her eyes. He's gotten very good at reading people.

Ana seems open. She seems to be nonjuding, and for some reason, Steve has inexplicable trust in her. He briefly recalls what that blonde female agent said earlier, that the person in charge seemed to be excited. As if Ana is intrigued with him as well, as if she truly wants to help him. 

This could all be a lie. It could all be a ruse to trick him in some way. Maybe to trigger him again. Bucky just met this girl, the one who's staring at him patiently, rubbing her thumb over her collarbones. He tracks the movement, watching as she gently taps her thumb against the bone twice. There's unique looking necklace resting against her chest, and her fingers move down to trace over it. Her express may be calm, but her fingers are nervous.

Bucky is nervous too. If he is nervous, and Ana is too about something, does their mutual nervousness form a connection? Does it mean that Ana wants these sessions, this deprogramming to go well, not for herself, but for him? She seems genuine enough, but Bucky just has a hard time trusting people. Does he just jump in head first and trust her, or does he trust in his friend? Does he put his own trust in Steve who has enough trust in Ana? Or does he go with his gut.

Currently, his gut is filled with warmth from the comforting taste of the coffee. True to her word, Ana didn't poison or drug it. Unless she meant the cinnamon because now Bucky might be addicted to the taste of her coffee. He takes another sip, slow and long, considering. His gut, despite his general anxiousness, feels relaxed. No warning signs popping up just yet. It is the first day though. So, he will see.

"I know it's hard to trust me right now." Ana's voice pulls him from his reverie. "I'm not expecting you to do so either. That's something you build up to. I just hope, on your own time, one day you can. I just want to help you in anyway I can."

Bucky finally swallows the large sip. This is the third time. "Are you a mind reader?"

Ana snorts, which turns into a startled laugh. "God, no. I mean, that'd be pretty cool, but I think I'd rather have the ability to be invisible. Could you imagine just being able to walk into a bank and take all the money. But no, I don't read minds."

"That's the first thing you'd do, rob a bank?" Bucky questions, he can feel his mouth twitching up.

"Rob from the rich, give to the poor sort of thing." Ana nods. Her eyes float up to the ceiling and she leans back. "Although, I guess that wouldn't be right either. Actually, I'd rather walk into an animal store that's not treating their animals right and save them."

She's rambling, and for some reason, Bucky has a feeling rising up in his chest. Ana looks like she's imaging it, a little furrow on her brow. He finally places the strange feeling after a moments thought. Endearing. He finds her rambling endearing. Ana is definitely not like anything Bucky expected to get. He makes his decision.

Placing the coffee mug on the desk, Bucky brings his hands together once more, twisting his fingers. "Could we- uh, start the process now?"

Ana snaps out of her thoughts, her eyes focuses back on him. She smiles. "Only if _you_ want to. There's no rush."

He nods. "I want to. The sooner the better right?"

Then Ana says something that starts the spark of trust. "On your time, the better."

***


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings for this Chapter: Language, Slight anxiety, slight self doubt, an over use of coffee consumption.
> 
> A/N: I feel like this is just jumping in there. Mainly because I can’t write opening chps for shiz.

Another round of coffee has been poured into Ana's cup. Bucky has a feeling she only went for a refill to give him some time to adjust after their greeting. He appreciates it, but finds that he doesn't really need it. He hasn't felt like he's a flight risk around her yet, so he doesn't mind not adjusting. He still really appreciates it though.

"So." Ana begins, after she's sat down again. She uses the thick heel of her boot to rock herself back and forth in the chair. "Eventually, I would like us to be honest with one another, otherwise this won't work very well."

Bucky nods. "Makes sense."

“We'll just talk today. It can be about anything. If you’re curious about anything, the weather, me. I'm all ears, James.”

Other people have called him by his first name, or last, or even Sergeant, and he always corrects them. This time, that name just doesn't sound right coming off her dark pink lips.

“Bucky. Please call me Bucky." He tells her, giving her a small smile.

"Okay. So, Bucky, any questions?"

"Are you a shrink?” The question falls from his lips before he can stop it.

Ana snorts again, falling forward in her chair. “God no. That would be way too much for me. Not saying that psychologist are bad, that just wasn’t my route.”

“What is? What exactly do you do here?”

“I’m…I don’t really have a title to be honest.”

“You seem to have a high level of authority here.”

“Thanks to Steve.” Ana admits.

"What?"

“Well, you obviously know why he brought you here. Not just for Deprogramming, but for all the other stuff that comes with it. Mentally, for one. Emotionally, physically. He’s talked to you about this right?”

Bucky nods. They talked about it on the car ride up. That the possibility of a full body deprogramming is high. He didn't expect the process to go easy; one, two, three, out the door. It's going to take time and mental, emotional, and physical endurance. It's been seventy years in and out of brainwashing.

“There are going to be side effects," She continues, "probably some long days, some sleepless night. It’ll take a toll on you in every aspect, and I’m here to help you through it all. Steve cares for you, and I care for people. I guess they call me, unofficially, a psychological Healer. I'm a non-combated agent. I typically just work within the Healing Ward helping with psychological and sociological elements." 

“A Healer? Orders from Steve?”

“Not orders, and I am going to make this very clear, Bucky. You are not, and will never be my orders. You are not an assignment, a project, or a mission.”

Bucky locks his eyes with hers, and he counts nine golden specks laced within the brown irises. He doesn’t know why, but his heart is pounding a little harder, but not from anxiety. It feels different, warm, comforting…accepted almost. It feels human.

“Understood?” Ana prompts firmly.

“Yes.” He breathes out.

Ana smiles at him. “I’m here to help you. No orders. Steve just thought I was the best choice. I want to help you, and I am going to help you.”

Bucky nods again, and finds himself wanting to believe her. Hears the open sincerity in her voice. The way she has been looking into his eyes since they met with no fear. She is looking at him like he is a human being, not a weapon for a cause.

“We can stop if you want.” Ana says, leaning back in her seat again. “Sometimes I overwhelm people, too much too soon. Headstrong, runs in the family.”

“In a good way.” Bucky replies, suddenly having the need to reassure her.

Ana gives him a strange look. “Thanks?”

"So, not a doctor?"

"Nah, I'm just very...empathetic." She says it with a touch of mirth in her eyes. “Though I do have a degree in Psychology and Sociology.”

Bucky lifts his mug to his lips and says, "So he put you in charge of me?"

"If you're into that sort of thing."

The coffee Bucky just took a sip of nearly goes down his airway. He coughs once against the mug, blinks rapidly so his eyes don't water and stares at the woman sitting across from him. She has her face turned to the side, lips to the rim of her cup, but her eyes are wide. There's a slight tint of pink on her cheeks, but other than that, she remains perfectly calm. Something is rising in him, starting from his stomach and making it's way up his chest. Bucky laughs.

"Sorry! It just slipped out." Ana explains, wiping her bottom lip with her thumb.

Bucky will take this quick witted, sharp tongue, clear of any kind of judgement, beautiful girl over anyone else who may had wanted her position. A small surge of hope shoots through him again. This is nothing like how he thought today would go.

"Want to see your room?"

***

When Ana first walked into the lab, with Agent Sharp yaking in her ear condescendingly, she had no idea how the day would go. She saw Bucky sitting patiently, if rather anxious, on her desk. She had no idea if it was due to his first day, or the guards on the second level watching him with subtle, sharp eyes. She saw them idling about, but Ana knew how focused they actually were. Of course no one in the room was going to just let the Winter Soldier sit unguarded. It churned her stomach in the wrong way.

She just hopes she didn't come off too strong. Though she figured jumping in with her quirky way of doing things was better than walking on eggshells. Captain Rogers told her to do exactly that, so she did, and if Steve gave her permission, then who was she to refuse. She could've held back on the coffee bit though. No one seems nearly as excitable about coffee as she does.

As Ana leads Bucky to his room, she feels a light buzz in her blood, prickles softly at her skin. She tampers it down, locks the sensation away for another time. She has been a little nervous since meeting him, if only because she doesn't want Bucky to think she has ulterior motives. She doesn't, and she really hopes she can convey that. Sooner rather than later, but the nervousness makes her own energy and feelings act up. She does what she does best, and pushes them aside for the moment.

Ana reaches the room, and opens the door. He glances around the spacious room, with two windows that face the woods and an ensuite. The bed frame, with its black headboard, dawns a queen-sized mattress raised off the dark hardwood flooring, with two pillows and a dark blue comforter. There’s a single dresser pressed against the opposite wall, and a closest adjacent to that. The electronics on the wall look advanced, sleek, standing out against the light gray walls.

“This is for me?” Bucky asks, bypassing her and stepping further into the room.

“Yes. It’s not much, since people are greedy and took the rooms closer to the kitchen. I hope it’s okay.” Ana notices the way his eyes flitter around the more, expression calm yet calculating. He’s looking for exits.

“There’s also a way to escape via the bathroom window in the shower.” She tells him casually. He turns to give her a quizzical look. “It’s wide enough to lift yourself up and push it out. I just hope that won’t be necessary. This room is yours for as long as you want it to be. I know it must be hard to settle here, to believe that nothing and no one is after you here. But I hope this place can be a safe haven for you one day.”

“Are you sure you can’t read minds?” He asks, quirking an eyebrow.

“I’m just very perceptive. Comes with what I do.” Ana shrugs.

Bucky nods in understanding. His face twitches for a moment, like he’s self-conscious about something. ”I don’t have many possessions."

"I think Steve said he'll help with that." Ana points to the closet. "By the way, that backpack of yours is in the closet."

There's a split second of a break in Bucky's expression, relief flooding in his eyes. He goes to open the closet door, finding his backpack suspended on a hanger. Ana is content to watch him as he unzips the bag, and ramages through it. She can tell whatever he had in there is important and holds meaning to him. She watches the muscles of his back shift, the tension in his shoulders from earlier seem to have subsided a little. Ana's phone buzzes in her back pocket. She pulls it out, checking the message she received.

Clearing her throat she says, "I have to go now." Bucky looks over his shoulder at her. "You're welcomed to explore the area or stay here, or nap. Whichever. We usually have dinner around, well, depends on who is cooking. Six-thirty or seven. I'll see you then?"

Bucky nods, his arm still in the bag. "Thank you." He sounds sincere.

Ana gives him her friendliest smile. Her goal for the moment is to make him feel as welcomed as she can. She gives a little wave, backs up and bumps into something. She glares at the object.

"That's a door." She states obviously. "Right. See you later." She ignores the amused little smirk Bucky gives her, and leaves, quietly shutting the door behind her.

While she's walking down the hall, she looks at her phone again. Steve has requested a briefing with her regarding the Sessions. She makes her way out to the living compound, heading down the walkway that will lead to the facility. Ana thinks as first time meetings go, that one with Bucky went pretty well. Minus her irritation at Agent Sharp. She hopes Bucky over looks that, and that the energy within that moment stayed calm and positive. For him.

***

Ana ends up having a long phone conversation with Pepper after the meeting. To which her cousin informed her that Tony kept certain information from her about who was leading the Deprogramming Sessions. Ana reassures her that she is fully capable of handling it. It doesn't stop the apprehension in her chest though. They had fallen silent after that, and Ana senses that Pepper knows Ana isn't 100% sure about it either. Not yet at least. It's just, the last time she even considered toying with the idea that she could help someone, it didn't end well. Pepper says it isn't her fault, but Ana will forever blame herself.

Before they hung up, Pepper wished her all the luck and made her promise to visit soon. Ana is left with a bittersweet notion with that promise. She doesn't think she will be able to leave for a while, and she misses Pepper. She's really the only close family member she has, being Ana's father's niece. Distant members are scattered across the country, but she has never even spoken to them outside of funerals.

Ana sits up from the lounge chair on the rooftop, overlooking the lush trees. The wind is a little heavy today, but it feels nice. It's not blistering hot like it was a month ago. It says Autumn is around the corner, and soon the temperatures will being to drop again. She sits there just enjoying the view and the sounds of nature for a while longer. When her phone tings with a text informing her that dinner is ready, Ana gets up.

She walks over to the plastic trapdoor, pulling it open. Carefully, she makes her way down the small latter, and hops down the last step into her room. She was very excited she got a room with roof access. Gives her an escape when emotions, energy and people get too much. She plugs her phone in, and exists her room

Being that her room is the last one down the long hallway, Ana passes three more bedrooms. They're all spread out far enough that it makes for good privacy. She passes Wanda's room, then Sam's because he wanted the middle one with the giant window, the diva. The last room she passes before the hall turns left towards the lounge area, is the newly occupied one.

The door to Bucky's new room is closed, and she debates if she should knock or not. Ana can smell the food from where she's standing, which means he can certainly smell it too. Maybe he chose to get settled rather than meet a rather boisterous group of people. Who he has probably fought with before...right. It makes sense.

Ana continues walking, makes it to the end of the hall, then turns back. She's going to invite him anyway because she wants him to feel welcomed. This is his home now, and he shouldn't feel ostracized.

"I already told him." Steve says from behind her. Ana turns again. "Said he just wants an early night in."

Nodding, Ana walks up to Steve, hooking her arm in his. "Did Sam make lasagna?"

"Yeah," Steve chuckles as they walk into the lounge. "Opened that new bottle of red too."

"Goddammit, Wilson!" That’s her bottle of red wine.

A heartily laugh echos around the room.

***

Nearly two hours passed after dinner, Ana and Wanda cleaning up the last of the dishes. There's a plate set aside with two pieces of lasagna, some salad and garlic bread. The bread and lasagna are still warm from sitting in the food warmer, Ana having added the salad after she took it out. Her eyes drift over to the hallway, digging her teeth into her bottom lip.

"Just go give it to him already." Wanda speaks up, nudging her elbow. "I'm sure he'll appreciate it."

"What if he's sleeping?" Ana glances at the clock. It's only a quarter past eight.

"If he doesn't answer, then just leave it in the fridge. He'll find it."

"I just want him to feel...accepted."

"Let him feel accepted by you first, that's the important thing, yes? Plus, his energy feels off. Being around us tonight would've made him more nervous."

"You feel that too?"

Wanda levels her with a look. "You feel it tenfold, Ana. Don't pretend."

"I'm trying to tamper it down. He doesn't know about it yet."

"Not something you talk about upon a first greeting?"

Ana rolls her eyes. "Right. Because going, 'Hey, I'm an Energy Alchemist and Empathetic Healer which means I can feel every single one of your emotions and feelings without your permission' would be a great way to start that off. Good trust building tacit right there."

Wanda's fingers glow for a moment and a crumpled napkin hits Ana in the face. "Don't be a smart ass. You don't do it without people's permission. Give yourself some credit. Just go bring him food."

Ana throws it back at her, but her friend just sends it to the trash. She's right though. Ana is stalling and she doesn't really know why. Maybe it feels a little like invading his privacy on the first night by knocking on his door. Something is hovering from the corner of her eye, and Ana's eyes narrow.

"Fine! I'll bring him dinner." She grabs the floating, red glowing plate from mid air."

"Finally. You've wanted to all night. I'll finish up here."

Ana smiles at her. She grabs a clean napkin, a knife and fork as well, and heads towards the hallway. Ana can see that Sam's door is closed, but the soft music emitting from it says he is still up. Everyone else seemed to beg off early as well, and that makes for a nice quiet night.

Once she reaches the door to Bucky's room, she takes in a short breath. She exhales, gently tapping her knuckles against the wood. He doesn't answer. Ana listens for a few moments, hears nothing but silence. She tries once more, knocking a little harder. If he doesn't answer, then she'll just put the food away. Nothing. Ana turns, taking a few steps down the hall when she hears the door click open. She whirls back around, smiling at Bucky's head poking out from the small gap.

"Brought you dinner, in case you were hungry." She informs, closing the space between them to hand him the plate.

Bucky opens the door wider, and Ana sees he's wearing soft gray sweatpants and a black tee shirt. He gives her a tentative smile, accepting the plate. His hair is pushed back behind his ears, and he looks sleepy. Like he really was going to bed early.

"I didn't wake you, did I?" Ana questions. She'd feel bad.

"Nah, I was just..." Bucky trails off, like he doesnt know he should say the next words. "Writing."

Ana doesn't press. "Alright, well, enjoy."

"Thank you."

"Sam made it, so thank him if it's good."

"I meant for today." Bucky clarifies. "Just...thank you."

She doesn't know exactly what he's thanking her for, but she smiles anyway. "Of course. See you tomorrow?"

"Seven?"

"Who the hell is up at seven in the morning?" Ana says offended. "Why would anyone willing get up that early?"

Bucky chuckles. "Not a morning person?"

"Not even a little. Nine. Nine o'clock."

"Nine it is then."

Ana scoffs, muttering. "That's still too early."

"Goodnight, Ana."

"Goodnight." She smiles at him.

She turns on her foot, walking towards her room. She hears the door close quietly behind her. Despite her nerves of the entire day, she doesn't think it could have gone better.

*****


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Ana drops her face into her trembling hands. Those screams. His screams are the fabric of nightmares, surrounding, dark horror. The sounds are still echoing in her ears and shakes her to her core. It’s probably why her entire body is quivering in her chair. Her stomach has fallen to her feet and her heart is clenching so hard it hurts. It’s like she can almost feel his pain, his terror. She feels sick._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings for this chapter: mild anxiety attack. Winter Soldier Trigger Words. Self-doubt

Another briefing is requested a week later. Ana and Bucky only have one other talk session between that, since Ana decided to give Bucky a few days to get settled. Insisted that he needs to feel at least a little comfortable around the living area. She didn't know if she was being too pushy or stubborn, but the small smile that tugged at Bucky's lips while she was saying this tells her he didn't mind. Or found her amusing. He agreed with her in the end.

She actually doesn't see Bucky much during that time, mainly because she's been busy during the day, finishing up any paperwork in the Healing ward she has. Wanda also has been having a series of nightmare, and more often than not, ask Ana to help her through them. To talk them out with her. Ana doesn't hesitate to. Wanda swears when Ana officially starts the Deprogramming she won't bother her as much.

"Nonsense, babe." Ana tells her, "you're never a bother."

Wanda's nightmare stop, and that's when she gets the request.

***

The briefing takes place in the morning. They sit in one of the smaller conference rooms, the tv monitor set up, CIA Agent Sharon Carter standing by it waiting to play. When Ana entered the room, she didn't expect to see Sharon, nor did she expect the set up either. The air felt strange the second she walked in and sat down next to the Captain. He informs her that she should watch Bucky's triggering into the Winter Soldier video, as suggested by himself, Nick Fury, and CIA Agent Ross. 

Steve fidgets next to her. In every single briefing she has ever sat in, she can't remember him ever fidgeting. Ever. Ana can practically feel the nervous energy radiating off him. It's perturbing in a way that it makes her uneasy. She shifts in her own seat.  
“Will you be okay?” Ana asks him quietly.

“I’ve only seen it once.” Steve informs. “It’s...tough. I’m warning you. It’s going to be tough to watch.”

Ana reaches her hand out, gently placing it on his elbow. Tries to get him to calm down, change his energy around. He takes two deep breaths then nods. 

“Just be prepared.”

Ana nods. It won’t be the same for her watching it. She wasn’t the one who had been best friends with him, fought a war, then watch him fall to his supposed death. Only to realize nearly seventy years later that his best friend is alive, but his mind controlled by the enemy. Ana mentally prepares herself anyway as Sharon takes a seat. Steve hits play on the remote and the screen comes to life. 

The footage begins with waking Bucky from cyro freeze, and dragging is temporarily weak body to the electroshock chair. The chair. The chair looks like someone plucked it straight out of a nightmare, and Bucky is sitting in it. Locked up and arms bounded tight. The two extended devices press against his face, making an electric zapping noise. What follows after is the worst.

A scream is ripped from his throat, bloodcurdling screams that makes Ana’s blood go cold. She presses her hand over her mouth. At first she thinks it’s from pain, but the second scream says otherwise. His screams aren't just because of pain, it's the sound terror as well. It looks like he’s still aware of what’s happening to him, like he knows what’s coming next. He is helpless to do anything.

Bucky is gasping, chest heaving with his hands clenching and unclenching. The metal face pieces are still pressed against his head, and he looks like he’d rather die than have to suffer through that torment. The terrifying memory machine finally pulls back. Bucky is trying to catch his breath when the first word comes. 

_"Zhelaniye. Rzhavyy."_

Ana can literally see the sense of hopelessness start to sink in, reflecting in his eyes. The screen is small, but she can see it. Like he realizes he is about to be turned into a monster on strings. 

_"Semnadtsat’."_

The third word comes and Ana watches as Bucky tries to calm down. Instead he attempts to breathe, tries to slow down the process. Everything seems breaks on the next word.

_"Rassvet."_

Ana notes that this seems to be the most painful trigger word for him. She flies the information in the back of her mind. His entire mouth is trembling, his face twisting into a grimace. Almost as if the word is connected to the torture of the machine, any abuse from his so called handlers. Ana sits closer, because on the screen, it looks like Bucky tries with everything he has left to hold onto his soul.

_"Pech’."_

Ana sees it with the fifth word. The Winter Soldier is surfacing. She notices the last struggle of Bucky trying to stay himself. To no avail. But he tried resisting it, Ana notices, right until the very last moment.

_"Devyat."_

It’s been six words. It takes six words to erase the conscience mind of Bucky Barnes. Ana spares a glance at Steve, his jaw clenching and throat bobbing. She forces herself to look at the screen again. 

_"Dobroserdechnyy."_

This is absolutely gutting. Ana feels her heart wrenching as she watches the man in the chair slowly become a blank slate, who is ready for the last word before turning into a weapon. He doesn’t struggle anymore, and Ana notes his hands are not trying to break free. He's relaxed, as if he knows that is where he belongs. His home.

_"Vozvrashcheniye na rodin."_

This seems to be the ultimate trigger that pushes him to the surface. His mind might be blank, but his body is giving its all not to become the other, vicious, dangerous person. His head twitches but his eyes remain vacant. There is just one last piece of a human mind trying not to give into torture. It's ironically fitting that this word, Homecoming, is what brings the soldier fully to the surface.

_"Odin."_

Ana sees it. She clearly sees it and it makes her want to throw up. There is no free-willing mind. Any shaking and trembling have stopped and his breathing has slowed. The weapon they wanted to create is born. Ready to be molded to whatever shape Hydra wanted at the time. They own him.

_"Gruzovoy vagon."_

From what Ana knows, from what she read in the file; she thinks this last trigger word actually means something. It’s the words attached to his death. Symbolizes death of Bucky Barnes, a friend, a brother, a loved one, and the birth of a weapon. Every emotion, memory, sense of self awareness is buried deep down. The Winter Soldier is ready for orders as he looks up at the handler.

 _"Dobryy utrenniy, soldat."_ _"Gotovy soblyudat.'"_

The video ends. Ana drops her face into her trembling hands. _Those screams._ His screams are the fabric of nightmares, surrounding, dark horror. The sounds are still echoing in her ears and shakes her to her core. It’s probably why her entire body is quivering in her chair. Her stomach has fallen to her feet and her heart is clenching so hard it hurts. It’s like she can almost feel his pain, his terror. She feels sick.

Ana can sense the heartbreak radiating off of Steve next to her. Can feel his own pain, confusion, crushing guilt, all merging together. It makes Ana gasp, trying to suck in a breath but her hands are in the way. How is she supposed to help this poor man who never asked for anything like that? How is she supposed to deprogram his tortured mind and bring back Steve Rodger’s best friend?

There’s a soft touch on her arm. “Ana?”

Ana gasps for another breath. His screams. His dead eyes. His pain. His abuse. His torture. Something is rattling in the room.

“Ana, come now girl, take a deep breath. There you go. Breathe.”

Ana continues to inhale deeply, until her chest doesn’t feel like it’s going to collapse. She slowly lifts her head up, and her fingers are glistening with water. She had been crying. She is crying. _Shit._ If she can't hold it together, she might be taken off this task. 

"Sorry." She rushes out, wiping her cheeks. The rattling has stopped. "Sorry, I just-"

"It's alright, take your time." Steve says gently.

She takes two minutes to gather herself. Inhales and counts and exhales. She stares at the TV, the screen black because someone turned it off. But the imagines are burned in the back of her eyes, and his screams are on repeat in her ears. Finally, she makes eye contact with Steve.

"That is horrible." She whispers. She trails her hand over her mouth, down her neck and rubs her fingers over her collarbone. It's a nervous habit. "That is absolutely horrible."

"I know."

"You want me to deprogram him from that? That's..."

"I know it's a lot of me to ask of you." Steve starts, "But I truly believe if anyone can do it, it's you."

"I've never done anything like that before, Steve. On that big a scale. How do you know it'll work? That I can succeed in bringing your friend back?"

"Because I know you, and I've seen first hand what you've done."

"Helping people through anxiety and panic attacks is different." She argues.

"If that's all you did, you wouldn't be here." Sharon speaks up, her tone firm. 

"Right." Steve adds on. "We don't want anyone else who doesn't really care what happens to him lead this. It's because of your empathetic nature, what you can do with energy surrounding people, makes you the best choice to help him."

"What if I can't?" Ana asks, shaking her head. "Don't you remember what happened last time?"

Sharon takes her hand. "What happened seven years ago was not your fault, Ana. We believe you can do this, so this is why we are asking."

"Plus," Steve says, pulling Ana's attention back to him. "I can trust that you won't trigger him just to use him for your own agenda."

"You think someone within," Ana waves her hand around without voice it, "would want to?"

"I think power makes people do crazy things."

"Ain't that the goddamn truth." Ana agrees. She sighs. "How long?"

"There isn't a time limit. However long it takes to fully deprogram and erase everything Hydra put in him."

"You will also have full authority over it, per Fury and Ross." Sharon informs her. "This operates on your time and your orders. No one else is allowed to overstep or head it without you. Anyone who previously had a higher rank than you no longer does, and they were informed. You'll been given some guards just in case, as a precaution, and you are able to choose who you want in the room with you."

"The room?"

"The observation room." She answers. "There's already a holding chair set up, along with a table with weapons of your choice hidden within it."

"Precautionary?"

"Just in case something goes wrong, we have to be prepared."

"And this." Steve says, pulling out a small box from his pocket and sliding it over. "From Tony."

Ana frowns in confusion, opening the box. "He couldn't come down here himself and-"

A little screen pops up the instant she opens the top and Tony is staring at her. "Currently in Moroco, so no. I couldn't give it you to myself. You just have to save your smartassery for next time."

"That's not a word." Ana glares at the screen. She picks up the small, sleek black bracelet about four inches in width. "Why not blue."

"You don't get to pick the color of the defense bracelet if you don't make the defense bracelet." He says, ignores her pout and continues. "It's equipped with two small taser disks, just push that side button there to deploy them. There's an electrical shock system, almost like your taser but since you're too fond of the damn thing, it isn't as high in voltage. It's enough to get away if need be. It also activates into a metal glove, like the gauntlet, just enough protection in case you do something stupid like grab the barrel of a gun."

"Pretty sure that you was." Ana mumbles.

"There's a tracker in it, as well as a SOS signal. Press the backside button for that. I've written down the instructions in the box. Use it whenever you're deprogramming, please."

"Aw, you do look out for me."

"I'm serious, Ana. Your protection is more important than this program is."

"Pep made you say that, didn't she."

"I'm saying it. If something goes wrong, if you end up hurt, Cap and I decided to take you off it and stop the course." Tony pauses, tilting his head. "And yes. Don't think she won't come down there herself."

Ana chuckles a little, feeling where the two buttons on the bracelet are. "Thank you for this."

There's a bit of commotion in the background and Tony rolls his eyes. "I'll check in later. Ana...good luck."

The screen goes black, minimizes then disappears all together. Ana slides the bracelet on. It automatically adjusts to the size of her wrist, snug enough not to accidentally fall off. Coincidentally, it also tells time. Ana knows how dangerous this can be, she wouldn't have a Stark made defense bracelet if it wasn't. 

She knew going in that it wouldn't be easy, but after viewing the video, the difficulty level has risen. It might possibly be a long process, but she will do everything in her power to do right by Bucky Barnes. She will not let it reach dangerous levels and she will no do anything that will make him feel rushed or uncomfortable. Ana saw it with her own eyes, as she stared into Bucky's deep blue ones, that he wants this to work. It has to work. 

"He was a really good guy, wasn't it he? Is a good guy." Ana says, lifting her eyes up to Steve.

His own blue eyes soften, reminiscing of their past memories. "He really is."

Ana makes a decision right there. There is no failing here and she will not fail in this. Ana will not, and can not fail Bucky.

***

It's just past 10:30 when Bucky takes his place on Ana's desk; he got the note with the new time. Only a minute passes before he sees Ana walk in. She seems off, her light tan skin is pale, and her eyes keep drifting out of foucs. Her eyes look a little bloodshot, rimmed red around the bottom lid and her long eyelashes clump together. As if...was she crying? 

Bucky is on high alert, pushing himself off the surface of the desk to stand. Ready to run, to take off if need be. He tries to fight off the anxiety curling in his stomach and takes a slow, deep breath. All this just because Ana looks grave. There’s a shadow of a frown on her brows, and the corners of her mouth have a subtle downward tilt to them. It’s only been a week, but this is the first time Bucky has ever seen Ana other than positively cheerful. If not a little feisty. This mood just doesn’t fit her, and the air in the room shifts; feels off. 

He doesn’t know if she’s coming to tell him that she will no longer be working with him because she doesn’t want to. Because she realized just how much of a monster he is, how dangerous he is. He doesn’t know if she is going to inform him that someone else will take over. Someone who is the complete opposite of Ana, who will rightfully judge and treat him like the assassin he is. Or worse. She could be telling him that she’s giving up, that everyone has given up on him and he doesn’t deserve a second chance, that he is a worthless cause after all.

Bucky grinds his molars together, his jaw clenching. He takes another deep breath through his nose, fighting the bile that’s beginning to rise. His eyes scan the area for the quickest way out, when Ana stops in front of him. His heart is pounding, slamming against his chest, just waiting. His back is prickling with sweat.

A few moments pass, Ana just staring at him, but it’s in those moments that he sees it. Her brown eyes are usually brighter, more caramel than dark, but that’s not the case today. The little golden specks are nearly drowned out. Her bottom eyelids are rimmed red and her lashes are clumped together. Bucky blinks, and feels some of his anxiety melt away. She _had_ been crying.

Finally, Ana blows out a breath, visibly deflating. She plops down in her chair, shoving her hands through hair. She gestures for Bucky to sit as well, and he actually sits in the second chair next to her. He frowns. 

“Is everything...alright?” Bucky asks slowly, fists clenched on top of his thighs.

Ana bites her bottom lip slowly, eyes unfocused at a spot on her desk. She looks distressed. Mentally, Bucky counts to ten in his head; to pass time but mainly to calm the waves of anxiousness. Finally, Ana speaks, her eyes locked in front of her.

“The first day we met,” Ana says quietly. “I said we have to be honest with each other. That if we aren’t, this won’t work.”

Bucky nods, not sure where this is going.

She takes a deep breath. “Did you know that there’s footage of you?”

His heart clenches painfully for a moment. He knows of just one video, and the guilt of it still eats away at him from time to time. All the time really. He still can't look Tony Stark in the eyes. In fact, his body still aches from that day, despite his enhanced cells.

“There’s probably a lot of footage.” He answers darkly. “Depends on what it is.”

“Did you know they filmed your triggers, the transition into the Winter Soldier persona?”

The question feels like a punch to the face. He swallows thickly. “No.”

Ana's gaze shifts to his. “I just watched it.”

Those moments in his life are always blurry. He just gets flashes of waking up, being forced into a chair with, cold hard metal pads pressing down on his face. Zapping his brain. There’s resistance, there’s agony, then there’s blankness. He doesn’t know what it looks like from objective view, just the fragments of imagine in his nightmares. He doens't know what to say. Doesn't know if he can even speak at the moment.

“How..." Ana's voice breaks. "I just..." She brings her fingers rub across her bottom lip. She may think she hid it, but Bucky saw her lip tremble. "It’s horrific. They _tortured_ you, Bucky, for decades.”

Bucky just stares at her, feeling his heart clench with how sad she looks. “You’re really upset about this.”

“Of course I am! They take innocent, goodhearted people, and run their brains through a fucking machine. Turn them into something they aren’t because they think they can just treat another human as a weapon." Ana shakes her head in disbelief. “How did you survive that?”

He doesn't really know. It's a question he's asked himself over and over again. He mulls it over, thinks of the list he wrote down in one of his notebooks. “I didn’t want to die. I didn’t want to die in their hands, as something they made me.”

Ana takes a sudden breath in, her eyes drifting off again like she’s getting lost in a memory. Maybe she is. Bucky knows the feeling all too well. Her mouth parts, her bottom lip now a darker pink after the assault from her fingers.

“You had this drive to keep living. Keep moving forward.” She says, voice distant.

“I think I still do. I’m not sure why.”

“It’s who you are.” Ana whispers. 

Bucky is about to protest that statement, because he still doesn’t know or remember who he really was. But the glistening of something wet in Ana’s eyes stops him. She isn’t looking at him, her head turned away, but at this angle, he clearly sees the tears building up in her eyes. It finally clicks in his head.

“Do...do you have experience in this?” He asks gently. There’s so much he doesn't know about her. He wants to know more. Wants to know why that video has affected her so much.

Ana shakes her head, snapping out of it. “I’m going for a walk.” She announces, abruptly standing up and walking away.

“It’s raining!” He calls after her, utterly bewildered.

She doesn’t acknowledge him or the weather. She’s out the door rather quickly, and it takes all of two second for Bucky to follow her. He barely registers movement from the corner of his eye, he just needs to go after her. He can't help this pull in his chest he feels, like he has to make sure she's okay. Thankfully, Bucky is taller than her, his legs much longer, plus the fact that he's enhanced, so he catches up with her quickly. Ana is just pushing open one of the doors that leads to a walkway outside, the rain pouring down. Bucky reaches out, his fingers hooking carefully around her elbow, halting her from going further.

"Ana." He can hear his concern coloring his voice. "What's going on? Are you alright?"

Ana lets the door close in front of her. She turns, and there's smile on lips. It throws Bucky for a loop for a moment. "I'm fine."

He sees right through it. Her eyes are still glassy, an uneasy feeling churns in Bucky's chest. He recalls what she said earlier, about being honest. This isn't honest.

"I don't think you are." He calls her out softly. "Did I say something to upset you?"

Ana blinks. Once, twice, then her smile falls. "No, no, you didn't. Sorry." 

She steps away from the door, her elbow still in Bucky's grip. He's not releasing her just yet, and here he thought he was a flight risk. Her skin is warm beneath his fingers, soft, but he can feel the hint of muscle.

"Are you sure? You'd tell me right? I would like you to tell me if I did."

"Sorry." She says again, shoving her hand through her hair. "I just- that video...I didn't know it would..." She trails off.

"I'm sorry."

Ana scoffs, "Why are you apologizing? You did nothing wrong. God, you did nothing to deserve any of that, Bucky."

Bucky swallows a sudden lump in his throat. He doesn't know how to respond to that. Ana is clearly upset, clearly shaken up from the footage. She says he didn't say anything to upset her, but he was still in that video. She watched him. She's upset because of him. So, this is his fault.

"Everything alright here?" Someone breaks their little bubble.

They both look over to the source of the voice, and the guard from the first day is standing there. He isn't armed at the ready, but Bucky notes that his hand is resting on his thigh. There's a handgun hidden there, the man's finger close to the trigger, ready to pull and fire if need be. Because Bucky is a threat. It brings him back to reality harshly, reminds him that he shouldn't be touching Ana. He shouldn't have reached out in the first place. Bucky releases her elbow.

"All good, Max." Ana confirms. "I promise. Can you give us a moment,?"

The guard nods, lifting his hand away from the gun. Wordlessly, he turns and walks back into the room. Bucky glances around the hallway for anyone else, and realizes this is the first time they're actually alone. He doesn't know how he feels about that.

"Yes."

Bucky looks back at Ana. "What?"

"Yes." She says again. "I do have experience." She doesn't elaborate.

Ana has yet to push him, so Bucky doesn't push her. It's a fact that he notes in the back of his mind for a later day. He has some questions that are beginning to pop up, but he ignores them. Instead he asks, "Did you have your coffee this morning?"

Ana cracks a smile. "No, actually."

Bucky jerks his head to the side. "Can you teach me how to make it your way?"

"Sure, yeah." She answers, her smile growing bigger. At least her eyes aren't glassy anymore. "I'm alright now, I swear. Just had a moment is all."

He nods, turning to walk towards the exit of the building that leads to their living quarters. "What about that other one? That machie-"

"Macchiato." Ana corrects as she walks next to him. 

There's a laugh in her tone and that's all Bucky wants to her from now on. It's only been a week since they've met, but he'd rather not ever see Ana that upset again.

*******************


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  _See, they return; ah, see the tentative_  
>  _Movements, and the slow feet,_  
>  The trouble in the pace and the uncertain  
>  _Wavering!_  
>  _See, they return, one, and by one,_  
>  With fear, as half-awakened;  
> As if the snow should hesitate  
> And murmur in the wind,  
> and half turn back...  
>  
> 
> _-Ezra Pound, The Return_

The next night, Bucky steels his nerves and decides to socialize a little. However, he just ends up pacing back and forth in his newly acquired bedroom debating if putting in an appearance is a good idea. Half of him wishes he could just dive in, get past all the formalities and awkwardness will ensue, the other half just wants to remain hidden in the dark corner, where he belongs.

He hears voices outside his door, casual conversations while passing by. It's when he hears something about dinner does he realized how long it has taken him to decided. He ended up missing it again. He isn't sure if a communal dinner happens every night, but he's missed it. One of the last voices he hears mentions something about Ana.

Honestly, it's the thought of Ana that makes him finally wrap his fingers around the handle. Getting her to teach him how to make her coffee was just an excuse to keep a closer eye on her. He had no right to, but he couldn't ignore how shaken she still looked. Her smile didn't reach her eyes, and more than once he caught her absentmindedly staring at the counter. He is curious to know about the past experience; it's burning in the back of his mind. Maybe one day she'll tell him.

Bucky finally opens the door and leaves his room. He comes across Ana quickly, sitting in the lounge area that opens up to the kitchen. She has a laptop propped up against her knees, her bare feet resting on the coffee table, wiggling her toes. She's wearing a shirt that is falling off her right shoulder, and gray leggings that have seen better days. There's a few holes around the knees and lower over her calves. Her dark hair is down, falling in wavy locks over her shoulder. She looks cozy. She looks, dare he admit it with an abrupt realization, cute.

Ana isn't paying attention to the screen in front of her, but instead to a white cat, with black spots and markings and a black tail. Bucky can feel his face soften a little as he watches Ana pucker her lips, making little smacking noise at the cat as who is spread out on the couch. The cat meows at her and she smiles, blinking slowly. Suddenly, the cat stands up and takes two steps towards her, placing one paw on her chest, and bumping their noses together. 

The affectionate move makes Ana's noise scrunch up, and they bump their noses together several times. Eventually, the cat decides the perfect resting placing is on Ana's chest, since the animal hunkers down, tucking its head until her chin. Ana's eyes fall shut while she lifts her hand and slowly scratches the cats ears.

It's a serene little moment, and Bucky doesn't realize he's smiling until his cheeks ache. It's not an expression he wears often, but thinks he should get use to it around her. He rubs his hand over his mouth, shifting to lean his weight against the wall. The metal of his arm thuds a little too loudly, startling the cat who gazes sharply over at him with narrowed golden-green eyes. The cat seems to distrust him, which is nothing new, and hops off Ana's chest, disrupting their little bubble.

Ana turns her head towards the wall, a smile spreading across her lips, jerking her head to invite him in. At least this smile finally reaches her eyes. Bucky goes, staying clear of the cat who hisses lowly at him. When he sits next to her, the cat growls in warning, apparently sitting much too close to her. Ana points threatening finger at the cat.

"You stop that." She reprimands. "He's a friend." The cat flicks its tail in response, heckles raised. Then it gets up from the floor and stalks away. "Don't worry about Ezra. He isn't fond of strangers."

"Ezra?" He questions as she taps the pad on laptop.

"Named him after one of my favorite poets, Ezra Pound." Ana informs him, typing in a password. "He was almost named Rick Blaine, but Max says I'm too obsessed with Casablanca."

"I think...I think I remember that poet." Bucky says slowly, grasping at the memories he had before the war.

Ana beams at him. "That's good." She looks back at the screen.

He ignores the little flutter in his stomach at her proud smile. Instead he asks, "Obsessed with Casablanca, Morocco?"

"Casablanca the movie. Probably my favorite movie of all-" She pauses, looking at him. "Oh my god."

He answers the question she hasn't voiced yet. "Never got around to seeing it. Or many movies, actually."

"Well, I'm going to change that, starting tonight, and we're starting with Casablanca."

Bucky notices a small white hair stuck to her right cheek as she talk. Without really thinking about boundaries, or thinking at all, he leans over using his right hand and carefully takes it off her cheek, his fingers skimming her soft skin. He stares at the hair for a moment before flicking it away.

"Don't you box on Wednesday evenings?" He questions, recalling the voices he heard outside his room.

It takes a second for her to answer, blinking her wide, brown eyes. "Um...yeah," Ana clears her throat, "Yes, but it's just a hobby because I get bored. Movie night is more fun."

Ana shifts around until she finds the controller. The movement jerks the laptop, the device slips, falling to the floor. Bucky reacts quickly, catching it with his left hand. He winces, hoping his grip wasn't too hard. He picks it up from her legs, subtly checking for any cracks he may have left. It looks fine, no marks or cracks. Ana sits up.

"Thanks for that." She smiles at him. "I'm suppose to write a report, but, I'm too lazy right now."

Bucky gently closes the top, placing it securely on the coffee table.

"How did you know I box on Wednesdays?" Ana inquires, looking curiously at him.

"Overheard Natasha and Sam talking about it. Sorry, was that private?" He asks, frowning. He doesn't really know where Ana sets her lines. Though pulling cat hair from her face was probably one of them.

"Not at all. Sam was probably sulking because I kicked his ass last week."

Another smile spreads across his mouth. He lets his eyes drift over to the tv screen, watching as Ana searches for the movie. Something white moves out of his peripheral, only for it to move into a clearer line of sight. Ezra hops onto the dinning table, sitting on the edge like some menacing gargoyle. The cat's eyes are narrowed, focused solely on Bucky.

"Get cozy, we're watching this." Ana demands.

Bucky pulls his eyes from the cat. "Get cozy?" He deadpans.

Ana tosses a spare blanket at him. It's soft and fuzzy as it hits him in the face. "Yes. You can't fully enjoy a movie without being comfortable. Ezra isn't going to attack you."

Somehow he doubts that. He wouldn't be surprised if he woke in the middle of the night with the cat sitting on his chest, one sharp nail poised to attack. Bucky mentally shakes his head. It's a damn cat for god's sake. He has done things in his life that have terrified even the toughest men, but here he is. Wary of a cat. Who is protective over Ana.

Ana shifts again, tucking her legs into the couch and pulling her blanket over her legs. Bucky follows suit as best he can, opting to just lean back some. He gets a whiff of something floral, something earthy, realizes that Ana smells like roses and rain. Her smooth olive skin looks soft, warm, and there's a hint of ink peaking out from her under shirt on the back of her shoulder. She looks the definition of delicate. Her collarbone exposed, the slope of her eyelashes that brush against the high of her cheekbones when she blinks, her full pink lips, and soft relaxed breathing.

Bucky has noticed it before, has noticed her before, how could he not? With the way she burst through the door that day and strutted into his broken life. It was the first thing he noticed and the first thing he shoved into the furthest corner of his mind, locking it away in a box. It was fruitless. He thinks Ana is gorgeous. What's the harm in admitting it to himself after a couple of weeks.

Ana wiggles, her elbow just barely grazing the metal of his left arm. She shivers lightly, hits play on the controller, pulling the blanket up to her chin. Right. That. There is harm in admitting it to himself. 

Bucky slowly pulls his arm away, wrapping it over his stomach and pressing it tight against his body. He will keep that destructive thing away from her as long as he can. As best as he can. He shoves the thought away once more. Ignores the menacing yellow eyes glaring at him. Ignores the pressure of his arm over his skin, and focuses on the movie.

***

Bucky woke up a little later than usual, mainly because he kept tossing and turning. His mind on a constant loop of fragmented memories and thoughts. He finally got up, pulled out one of the many notebooks from his pillow, and jotted down some things. By the time he felt like his mind was clear enough to sleep, it was half past three.

He isn't running per-say, but he is rushing down one of the hallways. He hopes Ana hasn't been waiting for long, hopes that she's preparing their morning coffee which will give him a few extra minutes. He turns another corner, speed walks down it, and begins to hear voices right before he reaches the last hallway. The question asked makes him stop short.

"When are you going to start the Deprogramming with Barnes?" A man asks.

Bucky frowns, taking a split second to decide if he should just pass the man or go the other way. It's longer, but at least he won't have to deal with yet another wary agent giving him looks like he's about to cut their throat. He moves his foot to just go for it, when another voice speaks. Bucky presses himself to the wall behind him, just beyond the corner and listens.

"Why are you suddenly interested, Agent Woods?"

It's Ana who answers. She sounds tired, a little agitated, as if she would rather be anywhere else than talking to this guy. Bucky tilts his head back against the wall, his eyes traveling up to the ceiling. He spots a round security mirror in the corner, displaying a slightly distorted image of the two. He can see Ana pinching the bridge of her nose with her back turned towards the man.

"Some of us want it to be today. It's been long enough, hasn't it?"

"No." She answers shortly, turning around. "It’s only been two weeks. I am not going to betray any ounce of trust he might have gained just because you are impatient. What I say goes, and if you have a problem with that, I don't really care. Stop wasting my time."

“Fine. I’ll take it up with Simon.” This Woods guy says. There's a hint of a smug smirk on his face.

“Simon Mills has no authority over this. I do. If you have a hard time believing that, just ask Captain Rogers. Or Fury. Hell, I’m sure Stark would have a few colorful words for you.” She turns to leave.

Throwing Stark's name out like that makes something uncomfortable churn in Bucky's chest. Of course Ana would be chummy with Iron Man. As if his life isn't fucked up enough. This woman has a lot more authority and friends in higher places than she lets on. It's dangerously intriguing.

“I think you are just afraid your theories won’t work. Isn’t that something you’re use to? Failing in this department?”

Bucky's heart picks up, pumping blood a little faster than normal throughout his body, because what? Ana has attempted something like this before? Did she really fail, or is this guy trying to bait her? Get under her skin? Ana is correct; it's only been two weeks of them working together. It’s just been some small talk, testing the waters with each other, starting off slow.

However, Bucky is quite perceptive. He watches and notices and sees things others overlook, and he would be lying if he said he hasn't seen other agents look at Ana with disdain. It's just a small hand full of people, but it's enough to strike a protective chord in Bucky. In other people's cases...not so much. Ana has been nothing but kind and sweet to him. He doesn’t understand it.

Ana halts, then slowly turns around. “I will not jeopardize his trust just because a couple of dickbags want to prove something wrong. Sergeant Barnes is not a toy for your entertainment, he is not a weapon for pleasure. He is a human being that you can’t seem to wrap your fucking head around. This happens on my time, and especially his time. You will not ask about this again. Do me a favor and make a date with your hand tonight because that’s the only form of entertainment you’ll be getting."

With that last word, Ana spins on her boots and walks down the hallway. Bucky is reeling over her fierce comeback before realizing that if he doesn't move, he'll be caught. Ana is strutting down the hall with fast, confident steps, the thick heels of her boots clacking against the tile. Bucky spots an empty briefing room, and quietly slips in behind the door, just as Ana rounds the corner.

He waits until her footsteps fade away. Waits until he hears Agent Woods cruse at her, then leaves as well. Bucky breathes a sigh of relief once they're both gone. His curiosity is burning as it has been since day one, but he feels more grateful that Ana doesn't want to push the process along. She didn't have to defend him like that. She didn't know he was eavesdropping, but doesn't that make it more genuine? That Ana truly seems to care about this trust, about him in general and the only important thing throughout this whole process, is how he feels? She'll only do things on his time, if he wants too.

Bucky has never felt a spark of trust so quickly with anyone in nearly eight decades. He is always second-guessing people, always walking on eggshells and guarding people's reactions towards him. It's all with good reason, he knows this. Unfortunately, being famously known as the Winter Soldier comes with major backlash. People are terrified of him. He is the monster that haunts nightmares, mainly his own, but with Ana…He thinks Ana sees right through all of that, and he has no clue as to how and why she does.

_He is not a weapon for pleasure. He is a human being._

He is human. Not many people see him that way anymore. He can count on one hand of the people who do, and now, Ana is one of them. Bucky feels his cheeks ache, and realize it's because he's been smiling a little. He feels, dare he say it to himself, a little welcomed in Ana's world. As if maybe, just maybe, Ana sees a little worth in him. Bucky leaves the room, a new found determination in his steps and heads towards the lab.

 

When he arrives, Ana is there, waiting with their two cups of coffee. There isn't an hint of irritation in her expression, just warm eyes with those little gold dots reflecting in the sunlight. She smiles brightly as she hands him the cup. Bucky thanks her, and takes his usual spot on her desk. Ana folds one leg under her thigh and sits.

Bucky asks her a few more questions about herself, mainly about the knot shaped ring on her finger. He had noticed her jewelry before, and she wears the same kind everyday. He is content to just sit and listen to her talk for the day. She tells him the ring was a birthday gift from her cousin, who turns out to be Pepper Potts, who turns out to be dating Tony Stark.

The nervous twisting of his stomach is back again when Bucky realizes Ana's connection with Iron Man is on a deeper level. He pushes it down once more, because Ana is suddenly rambling about diamonds and how the rock is actually worthless and some guy is just sitting on a diamond mind. Scraping and stealing all the money from jewelers. That rubies and sapphires are more rare stones than the diamond. Bucky just sips his coffee and listens to her.

***

Bucky has slowly gotten use to the feeling and idea of having meals around people after a few days. The first time he joins them wasn’t planned. He figures out that not every meal is a big get together, and it only happens when everyone has the time or isn’t on a mission. He leaves his room in the early evening and Steve is sitting at the table.

He’s reading the newspaper, focused eyes scanning across the articles. Bucky recalls fondly when they were just kids, Steve wrapping up newspapers to put them in his shoes. He didn’t even bother reading them back then. Steve picks up his fork, stabbing it into a bowl, coming up with a piece of chicken.

“Hey, Buck.” Steve acknowledges, not even looking up.

“Hey, Stevie.” He greets, sitting down in the empty chair.

Suddenly, Wanda rushes in with a disgusted look on her face. She has a bag in her hand that she plops down on the table. Both men look up at her as she pushes the bag towards them.

“They mixed blue cheese with the buffalo chicken.” She explains. “Gross. Ana just ran out to get something else. You boys can have this.”

Steve reaches for the bag, but a hand snatches it away.

“Thank you!” Sam is suddenly standing between Bucky and Steve, looking in the bag.

Wanda rolls her eyes and goes to the kitchen, grabbing two oranges from the fruit bowl. She plops down next to Bucky and hands him the fruit. She offers a small smile. “Appetizers.”

Bucky accepts it. He gently peels the skin off with his left hand, listening to the idle chit-chat Sam and Steve are in. He’s halfway through the orange when Ana enters the room. She’s clutching two bags and sets them on the table, leaves to grabs plates from the cabinets.

“Who the hell mixes blue cheese with buffalo!?” Ana is ranting. “Don’t these people know that’s against the law. Who does that, not to mention it’s literally moldy cheese and moldy ass cheese does not belong in people’s bodies.”

“You’re just strange.” Sam says while chewing his food.

Ana ignores him. She opens the bags with Wanda, passing out their food. “I got extra, so feel free to- not you Sam, you drank all my wine last time- help yourselves. Try these.”

Ana directs her last statement to Bucky, sliding over something that looks like french fries. Expect, they’re orange. Then she slides over a little container with dark, gritty looking sauce. She grabs a fry and dips it in the sauce, popping it into her mouth. Bucky has never seen anyone looks so elated while eating a french fry.

“What is it?” He questions, picking up the strange color food.

“Sweet potato fries with brown sugar cinnamon dip. It’s delicious.”

He takes her word for it, finds he really enjoys the taste. That’s how it starts, the five of them eating together. Wanda sits silently with an amused expression on her face as Ana and Sam banter. Steve speaks up once in a while, inputting his thoughts, or mentioning something in the paper. Bucky is content to just listen to Ana give friendly banter, but Wanda addresses him a few times as well. It feels normal.

Currently, Bucky is sitting on the patio with Steve after having a late lunch. Wanda has joined them, but left once she was finished to go find Ana who had been MIA for most of the afternoon. He would be lying if he said he wasn't wondering where she was.

"So." Bucky speaks up, addressing his friend. He just needs to double check. "You trust her?"

"Who, Wanda?" Steve asks.

"Ana."

"Wholeheartedly." He answers immediately.

"Why?" Bucky is just so curious when it comes to her.

"She's my friend." Steve explains, like it's the simplest answer in the world. "She's helped me transition into this tech-savy decade, much easier than I thought I could. Helped me get through the painful parts when I realized everyone I knew and cared for were gone. She's a good person with a good heart. Ana's become a loyal friend to a lot of people over the years. She helps anyone in anyway she can. People trust her with secrets, and she keeps them. She's told confessions, feelings, thoughts, and not once have I heard her mutter any of it."

"Ana is." Steve pauses for the right word, "very _empathetic._ She's able to connect easily with people because of it. That's why I thought she would be the best person to help you, Buck. She won't judge you on anything. She's got a lot of gumption and her loyalty runs deep."

"Sometimes it feels like she's the only person here who isn't terrified of me." Bucky confesses. He thinks back to that Agent, to the guards in the lab. "Who doesn't act like I'm a second away from triggering. She treats me like...I'm a human. Not someone's mindless killing machine."

"Because you're not."

Bucky flashes a brief smile. "The first few days I felt like I could trust her a little. It was refreshing. It's only been a few weeks and I already feel like I can trust her with more. I've never felt like this before, even remembering the bits and pieces before Hydra."

"Felt like what?" His friend prompts.

"A complete sense of comfort."

"As you should." Steve pauses, then adds, "Doesn't hurt that she's just as beautiful on the outside as she is on the inside."

Bucky nods in agreement, realizing too late his mistake. "Wait, what?"

Steve throws his head back and laughs, clasping him firmly on his shoulder. "I was there that first day, Bucky. I saw how you looked at her. I see how you still look at her. I thought you were just nervous to start, but it’s not. You think she's gorgeous."

He splutters his response and what comes out of his mouth aren't even words. It's just a jumble of noises, and Steve is laughing loudly. His eyes flicker to something over his shoulder and he laughs harder. The door slides open.

"What the hell are you laughing at?" Comes Ana's voice from behind Bucky.

Buck is so, so glad she can't see is face at the moment. His cheeks feel a little hot. He doesn't turn around, just stares resoundingly at his empty plate. He suddenly feels little nervous, and that’s strange. His heated skin is strange. 

He vaguely remembers never having trouble with women before, in fact he had always been confident. God, he has fought in a war, fell from a train and plucked from near death. He has faced many enemies, has snuck into high security places, has headed missions. He was captured and turned into a ruthless, cold blooded, brainwashed assassin against his will...but here he is, blushing. Because he thinks a girl is gorgeous.

"Just some good chit-chat between old friends." Steve tells her.

"Let me guess, about the printing press?" Ana quips.

Bucky can't hold back his smile. "You love the old jokes, don't ya, darling?" The pet name just slips out before he can stop it.

"Keeps me entertained. Anyway, Wanda and I are stepping out for a bit. Just wanted to inform you."

"Be careful." Steve says.

"Yes, grandpa." She says sarcastically, then she's gone.

Bucky leans over and punches Steve’s arm. The thought he locked away comes hurtling towards the surface now, and he can’t seem to get it out.

***

“I was thinking," Ana says the next morning, pouring coffee into her mug, then Bucky's. She slides the pot over to Natasha who looks exhausted this morning, quietly sitting at the island of the kitchen. "Before we really jump in here, to give you a tour around the place? That way you won't get lost and you can map out any possible escape routes."

Bucky lowers his mug. "I was not doing that." Natasha snorts against her cup. Bucky glares at her.

"I can show you the gym, the medical ward, because sometimes people get carried away."

"It was one time." Natasha mutters, the corner of her mouth turned up.

"Or ten." Ana corrects.

"Right, and you haven't accidentally nailed Agent Sharp in the face a few times?"

"His face fell into my elbow." She says flippantly.

"Sure it did."

"Anyway," Ana turns her attention back to Bucky. "Is that alright with you, a tour?"

He spares a glance at Natasha, still very unclear of their history together. She's looking at them with appraising eyes. He doesn't know what that means. She sips her coffee and raises her eyebrows, her smirk growing bigger.

"Yeah." He answers belatedly, looking back at Ana who smiles brightly. "I'd like that."

***

Ana ends up taking him around most of the compound. The gym is on the lower level of their living quarters, a spacious open area. There's several punching bags set up in one section, along with a rack nailed to the wall with towels, tape and gloves. The weights are on the opposite side, closer to the shower area, which also leads back to where there is a pool and a hot tub. She informs him no one really uses the pool, but the hot tub is filled with mineral water to help ease bone aches and bruises. She tells him people get carried away during training and workouts, or a mission was hard. So people come and use the hot tub more than anything.

He is led out of the gym, ther next stop at a shooting range. The doors are locked and guarded, but when Ana smiles kindly at the man and woman sitting there, they let her in. Bucky doesn't miss the way their eyes follow him though; it seems to be a running theme. Ana explains there are three sections to the range. The first for smaller guns, the second for other firearms, and the third for knife throwing and arrow shooting.

Ana explains if he wanted to come down for target practice, as if he'd ever need it, he can request almost any throwing or shooting weapon. Bucky steps into one of the cubicles, taking in the area and the targets. When he steps away, his eye catches a name etched into the wooden panels. His curiosity spikes again.

"You throw knives?" Bucky questions, turning to look at her.

Something mischievous dances withing her brown and gold eyes. "I dabble." She says casually.

"I thought you were non-combatant."

"Throwing things is cathartic."

Next, Ana brings him to the Medical Ward. It's split in two sections; one side lined with a few beds and machines. There's a station that looks like it holds sharps and medicines and fluids. The other side looks more for research, with laptops set on tables next to printers and files. She says the ward is not on the level of a bigger hospital. But when an agent or Avengers needs medical attention and has to keep it discrete, they're brought here.

There's a garage Ana tells him about, so she brings him there. It's underground and filled with shiny, classic to modern cars. Bucky guesses the majority of them are Stark's. There's a small row of motorcycles, ranging from Nortons to Harley's. Bucky walks closer to one, a red vintage looking bike. He hovers his hand over it, moving it along the length of the motorcycle. He knows what model it is.

"1950 Indian Chief, V-twin." Ana tells him.

"Is it yours?" Bucky asks, stepping back from the bike.

She's quiet for a moment. "Nah, I'm just partial to shiny metal between my legs." Then she turns and walks away, her bare feet smacking lightly against the floor.

Bucky is speechless. He has no idea if she was serious, or not. He follows her anyway.

Ana shows him some walk paths outside of the budling. It's when they reach the back of their living space does something happen. Sitting on the bottom patio step is Ezra. Ana passes him, but the car swipes at Bucky's leg when he tries. He steps back, trying to move aside and go around the killer cat, when Ezra jumps onto his thigh. The claws are out and it doesn't hurt, but doesn't stop Bucky is yelping in surprise. Ana turns just as the cat jumps off and dashes away. Bucky is muttering curses under his breathe when he hears laughter.

Ana is laughing loud and unashamed, doubled over and holding onto the rail for support. Her hair is falling over her face, her other arm wrapped around her stomach. Bucky hardens his gaze and waits. He does not find it very amusing.

"Are you finished?" He asks over her laughter.

Ana straightens up, glee shinning in her eyes. "Aren't you suppose to be the terrifying one? He's a cat, Bucky!"

"A cat who is the devil but seems to only love you. How is that fair." He glares at her.

"Because I'm the best, and Ezra knows a classy lady when he sees one!"

Bucky snorts "Classy? Have you heard your euphemisms?"

"He's just jealous, Ezra," Ana calls.

Bucky looks over his shoulder and the damn thing is sitting behind him. "He's a cat, for god's sake."

"A classy fella for a classy lady."

"Fine. I'm making coffee, want any?"

"Classy ladies don't drink coffee." She says haughtily, bending to pick the cat up when he walks over to her.

"With that weird maple pumpkin flavoring you like. More for me then. You drink too much of it anyway. It's unhealthy."

"If you don't save me some I will lock Ezra in the shower with you!" She threatens.

"That is rather rude. Get you your own damn coffee."

"I'm the one who taught you to make it, you ass!"

"Classy dames don't use such language!" Bucky calls over his shoulder.

Its the spark that ignites the banter between them.

***********************************************************************************************************

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! <3
> 
> I've never cranked out a story this fast before.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize in advance this being insanely short. Pretty sure this is the shortest chapter I have ever written in my 29 years of life. Whoops.
> 
> Also, I want to make it clear that Ana is not a doctor. She just has degrees and some...acquired skills as her background.

_"Is it cool that I said all that_  
Is it too soon to do this yet?  
'Cause I know that it's delicate" 

After four weeks of slowly covering the basics of getting to know a person, Ana and Bucky finally dive deeper into their sessions. She had informed him the night before that she thinks they are ready to officially start. Bucky has been an anxious mess during the night, not knowing that the day would entail. He didn't get much sleep; it's becoming a pattern.

Apparently, the morning entails of him just opening his mouth, words tumbling out before he can stop them. He thinks its the testament of Ana insisting they get to know each other just a little. He feels the quiet sense of trust with her, and it blows his mind how quickly he feels like he can confess something like this. Ana ends up asking him a question about how he feels when his mind processes his memories. Any of his memories, she says. What he can remember of his past, of Hydra, of the inexplicable void of his triggered brain. He took the time Ana gave him to mull it over, opens his mouth and it's like a floodgate.

“I get confused." Bucky tells her quietly. "My mind is constantly battling itself every second of the day. Sometimes the only peace I feel is when I’m sleeping, when my mind seemingly shuts off. Other times the nightmares come, and when I wake up, I don’t know if it’s me...or Winter Soldier me.” 

His face scrunches up for a second, brows furrowed, and lips pinched downwards. He thinks he's the definition of someone who’s been fucked with way too many times.

“When I wake up...I don’t know if I’m suppose to head a mission, or make coffee. It’s just all jumbled,” He taps his metal finger firmly against his temple, “up in there. I feel like I can’t decipher what’s real anymore.”

Ana cautiously takes hold of his left hand, halting the rather aggressive poking his at the tender spot of his head. “Okay,” She begins slowly, placing his hand firmly on his thigh. "Do you trust me?"

It's the first time she asks him that. It's only been a few weeks, but he was telling the truth when he talked to Steve. Bucky does trust her. He nods. He notices the tiny smile on her lips.

“Close your eyes," Ana instructs softly, "and take a deep breath. Just, concentrate on clearing your mind, try not to think of anything. As if you’re going to sleep.”

Bucky tries. Let’s his eyes close slowly and inhales deeply, trying to rid his mind of all confusing thoughts. Of all chaotic flashes of memories. His stomach clenches with anxiety, abruptly remembering his eyes squeezing shut in agony. He frowns and opens his eyes again, frantically gazing around the room; a slight panic rising to his throat. For one heart stopping moment, he think he might back in that fucking chair again.

“Hey,” Ana’s gentle voice breaks through his building panic, nearly boarding on an attack. He can hear his breath stuttering in his ears. “Bucky, it’s alright. Look at me. You’re safe here, I promise.”

He’s pretty sure all this frowning will cause permanent wrinkles along his brow. His eyes finally still, locking on one sight. Rich chestnut eyes, with little spots of a light color. Nine golden spots. Gold. As if someone flicked gold pieces over melting chocolate. Edible gold. Because that train of mind isn’t random; his confusing thoughts are back. Ana takes careful hold of both his hands, and squeezes. Not soft, not hard, just a comforting pressure.

“Let’s try it again.” She continues, an encouraging glint shining in her eyes, reflecting off the gold. Bucky feels like it nearly blinds him. “If it’s too much, you can stop. We’ll take it slow instead, okay?”

Bucky nods, the surrounding noises of the room already fading away. In lieu of speaking, Ana’s eyes flutter shut and she inhales slowly, deeply. It takes a moment to realize that’s his cue to copy her, so he does. Let’s the warm pressure of her left hand calm any panic. Which is strange. It should be strange, that practically this stranger, is able to calm him so quickly.

He ignores that thought. Ignores any tidbits of information or flashbacks, that might begin to invade his mind again. He takes a deep breath in, clears his mind the best he can. He hears her exhale, and he follows suit. Only repeating when he hears Ana inhale again. He does it twice more, a serene blank calm encasing his brain.

Slowly, Ana takes her hand away from his metal one, and suddenly, the gentle press of her hand is right over his heart. The change of her position doesn’t startle him, but it does make his heart rate pick up a little, makes his pulse thump in his veins.

“Just feel. What are you feeling around you?” Ana questions softly.

He wants to open his eyes, but decides against it, seeming as this is probably part of her strategy. Allowing Ana’s gentle voice to wash over him, he’s beginning to feel a change already. Can feel the tension in his muscles release slowly, relaxing in a way he didn’t even know he was capable of anymore.

“Air.” He finally answers, the cool air brushing along his skin. Nearly causing goosebumps to appear. Though he’s not sure if it’s the actual temperature or-

“Good. What else?”

“The Comp...computers. Whizzing computers.”

The hand against his chest presses a touch harder. “Feel, Bucky. Ignore the noises around you. What are you feeling? Here, in your heart.”

Oh. Well. “Warmth. Calm. I feel calm. I feel your hand on my chest.” He brings his free hand up to cover hers, a solid but soft touch of skin beneath his palm. He wonders briefly if she can feel the quick, beating of his heart.

“Do you think that’s real? What you feel right now?”

He languidly opens his eyes, greeted almost instantly by those big brown ones again. “Yes.”

He sees Ana’s mouth part slightly, which means his eyes has dropped to watch her lips, unbeknownst to him as to why he did in the first place. Hears the quiet intake of breath as if she’s about to speak again. He doesn’t get to find out if she was, or if his declaration was too much too soon. He was being honest; it feels loaded.

“Agent Rios!” Someone calls, voice carrying across the room.

Ana blinks, taking a step back and with it, her hands, ceasing all contact. Bucky tilts his head slightly, eyes searching hers a for a confused moment before he put its together. She’s Agent Rios. The Rios that Agent Sharon Carter informed on that first day is Ana Rios. He didn't even know her last name until now.

“Yes?” Ana answers, turning to face whoever demands her attention away.

“A rather pressing need has come up with Wanda. She’s requesting you immediately.”

A muscle clenches in her jaw, and Buck can’t help but smirk at the visible emotion.

“Be right there.” She says dismissively.

She’s sighs as the person nods and walks back to where he came from. His eyes fall from her twitching jaw, to her delicate fingers tracing over her exposed collarbones, tapping her thumb against the bone twice. She turns back to face him and it takes a moment for his eyes to work their way back up.

“I guess that ends our time for today.” Ana states, an apologetic smile gracing her lips. "Hey, Bucky." 

There's a softness around her eyes, an understanding look on her face. She looks open, accepting of everything he just confessed, of anything he might later admit to.

"It’s okay if you feel confused, or discontented, anxious, terrified. You’ve had the roughest life of anyone, and it’s perfectly fine to feel all of that. If you feel regrets, that’s fine. If you want to feel guilty, go ahead. You have every right to feel the way you do. However, if you start to feel calm, safe, happy, proud, please do. Don’t convince yourself that you don’t deserve to feel the good stuff, but if it all starts to be too much, close your eyes and breathe. Feel what’s in your heart, not your mind."

All Bucky can feel like he can do is nod. Ana is essentially telling him that it is okay to be human. To feel human. “I’ll try.” He promises.

Ana smiles one last time. “I'll see you later.”

**************************************************************

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chapters will be longer, I swear. Thank you for reading!


	6. Chapter 6

The fan on the ceiling spins slowly, the cords moving slightly with the current. A silent spinning, the wooden blades lazily slicing through the air. It's a quiet morning, just like every morning is on this side of the facility housing. The first morning here was nerve-wracking, to face the beginning of a healing process he has no idea how long it will take to work. The stillness of that first day ended the moment he spotted the one person who hasn't left his mind for the past four weeks; Ana. It was almost like her presence, her positive demeanor, has started digging in a dark corner of his mind, burring herself in a hole and filling it with light. It's what makes him want to face the day, willingly to go through with his deprogramming. 

That first day, he had watched her walk around the floor with sure, confident steps, whirling around people and tables, zigzagging through desks and chairs. It looked like she was dancing, which sparked a longing feeling of familiarity, flashes of his life before Hydra had control in his mind. She had laughed with one of the guards next to her, bright and lighting up her whole face, the sound echoing throughout the room. When he officially met her, she hadn't looked at him the same way everyone else does. With guarded apprehension, an underlying tone of fear. Instead, she greeted him with a smile, a firm shake of her hand, and when the guard who escorted him there left, she blatantly threatened him with her coffee rules. It was the first time, in a very long time, he felt a sense of calm wash over him, that the place he is in a safe. 

It's that reason, why Bucky sits up and is ready to face whatever she has planned for him. He didn't have a good sleep last night, more often laying awake staring at that fan, and trying to sort through his thoughts. Practicing some breathing techniques Ana taught him. The energy in his room just felt off, odd, and he couldn't sleep properly. So he hopes at Ana's good morning smile can start the day off right. He didn't see her for the rest of the previous night, as she was occupied with paperwork in the Medical Ward. 

Except, he’s not met with a smile, or even an acknowledgement. He got there earlier than she did, which is rare, so Bucky took it upon himself to make two cups of coffee. The act of even preparing coffee seemingly something so simple and normal, but he appreciates that he actually can. 

The room is unusually quiet; it's a little unnerving. Just as he begins to think something might be wrong, Ana walks in from the second level. More like stumbles, knocking into the metal railing of the stairs. She descends down the steps more carefully, not offering words of greeting to anyone. Finally, she makes her way to work area, ignoring Bucky in favor of picking up one of the mugs. The silence makes sense now.

Ana looks exhausted, dark circles beneath her eyes, a striking lilac popping against her tan skin, paler than usual. Her hair is pulled into something that resembles a braid, loose pieces all over the place. Her half lidded eyes close as she takes a long sip.  
Bucky opens his mouth to say something, and almost like she sensed it, she holds up her index finger to silence him. So he sits there, looking up at her taking the longest sip he’s ever seen anyone take. He smirks a little, the movement pulling up the corner of his lips. She finishes the sip, throat bobbing as she swallows, eyelashes fluttering against her cheekbones. 

Sunlight filters through the semicircle windows set high on the walls, light streaming directly onto the work area, and Ana herself. Her hair looks lighter in color against the sun; strands of caramel and honey colored pieces. The braid falls off her shoulder when she sets her mug down, having finished it with two long sips. Bucky nudges his own untouched mug closer to her, and she takes it wordlessly. 

The streak of light gleams off her unique shaped necklace resting against her chest plate, the opals and gems momentarily blinds Bucky when she shifts. She lifts the new mug to her lips; dark pink and full as she parts them to drink. His eyes follow the line of her jaw, to the little lotus flower tattoo just behind her right ear. His eyes drop to the line of her neck. To her delicate collarbones with the chain of the necklace resting over them, with the pendant hanging just above her cleavage. She's wearing a blue tank top, his gaze continuing to lower, and black leggings. 

Bucky wonders she if just rolled out of bed. It seems that thought might be correct because she's barefoot as well, which is rather abnormal for her in the lab. There's more ink tattooed elegantly along the outside of her foot reading Veni Vidi Vici, and Bucky has an urge to know how many meaningful tattoos she has hidden away. 

His gaze floats back up, lingering just a little too long on the curves of her bottom half. She looks a little stunning in the morning light. He's struck with the realization that he was just blatantly checking her out, and something funny stirs in his chest. A foreign feeling of warmth reaches his cheeks and he scratches the scuff on his chin, adverting his eyes. 

He tries focuses on a loose string of his jeans, picking at it with his left hand. The string easily breaks off, so he flicks it to the side. The sound of ceramic clanks against the table brings his attention back to her. Looking up once more, he meets her gaze, can't help the soft smile tugging his lips.

"Casual Friday then?" Is the first thing Ana says to him. She eyes him up and down, raising her right brow.

He's wearing a white-beater, almost the same style shirt she has on. He tilts his chin up in a nod in her direction. "How about you?"

Ana waves her hand flippantly. "I can't even give a damn this morning."

"Rough night?"

"The roughest, got no sleep. Was emailing a pen-pal back and forth about some psychological and physiological advances. Plus, Hawkeye, came in late last night and it's been months since I've seen him." 

She finally sits, more like plops down in her chair, folding her arms on the table next to Bucky's thigh and rests her head. The sun streams across her face, turning her warm brown eyes into a lighter amber shade. The little golden specks nearly blending in. 

"Did you make me coffee and did I just drink yours?"

Bucky huffs a laugh under his breath. "Yes and yes."

"I'm so sorry!" She groans, turning to hide her face. 

Her hair is all over the place, the braid messy and coming undone. Bucky reaches out his hand to fix the strands back into place, but he stops himself before he can touch the hair. Limited boundaries is quickly becoming a thing between them and he isn't sure if that scares him or not. If he should feel terrified, because he's only know Ana for a month and already he feels like her preference is a safe haven. That feeling clenches in his chest once more.

"Why couldn't you sleep?" He decides to inquire.

Ana turns her face back to him. "The energy just felt off the whole night. One of those off days I guess. It happens with so many people here and sometimes I just feel a discomfort in the air. I couldn't sleep."

At least Bucky wasn't the only one just lying in bed wishing for sleep. "Me either."

Ana frowns at him, a considering expression on her face. "And you let me drink your coffee?"

"You looked like you needed it more."

A beat of silence passes.

"So you're saying I look like shit?"

His eyes widen in shock. "No! Not at all! I just- I thought- that's not what I-" 

Ana's laughter cuts him off, the same bright, carefree one from that first day. Bucky quickly realizes she's joking and stops his floundering. He takes his coffee mug back as pay back.

"You-" He begins not knowing if he's allowed to say the words on his tongue. "You are..."

"What?" Ana prompts, still smiling, "I'm what? Come on, Barnes, say it."

"A shit."

She beams at him, as if she's proud of the fact. She moves her hand and pats the top of his thigh, her touch almost burning through his jeans. 

"Lets go get you a new cup, then we can start our work." She suggests.

Ana stands, stretching her arms above her head. The hem of her shirt rises up, exposing the lean muscles of her lower stomach. Bucky swallows thickly for some reason and hops off the table before he can continue checking her out again. There is absolutely no denying that Ana is beautiful, and that he might be starting to feel an attraction towards her. One that he will blame on the lack of sleep and being used as a ruthless solider for seven decades. 

"Lead the way."

***

He can't exactly pinpoint what day or time Ana begins to share her snacks and food with him, but it happens. It happens on a morning when Bucky is running a little late. When he makes it to their work space, Ana in sitting in her chair, mug in hand and dunking what looks like a biscotti into her coffee. She takes a bite out of the soaked treat, her eyelashes fluttering and moaning from the taste. Bucky quirks an eyebrow at her, ignoring the strange flutter in his stomach.

"Rios! Stop making pornographic noises with your food!" Max shouts from across the area.

Ana causally holds up her middle finger, the biscotti between her fingers. Max rolls his eyes so hard, Bucky can see the movement from where he's standing. He's still trying to figure out their relationship, when Ana picks up a bag from the desk and hands it to Bucky.

"Biscotti?" She offers. "Chocolate and almond. Freshly made this morning. I have connections to the bakery in town."

"Why doesn't that shock me?" Bucky chuckles. "You sure you didn't steal them?"

Ana retaliates by reaching up and tugging on the end of his hair. "Dip it in your coffee, Winter Flurry."

Bucky pauses with his hand in the bag. "What?"

She smiles smugly. "You heard me. Winter Flurry. Snow flurries are soft, and I do not believe in your supposedly big, bad alter ego, Mr. James "I'm a giant teddy bear" Barnes."

He narrows his eyes at her. "Whatever you say, Annie."

She tugs at her hair again, and that's how it all starts. The teasing, the food sharing. Bucky thinks it's Ana's right of passage for friendship or something along those lines. Or so he thinks. Since Max later informs him that Ana rarely shares her food with anyone. He counts this milestone as a win.

*  
“Gummy bear?” Ana offers, her head hidden between her folded arms. 

She's holding out a bag of Haribo's. It's been a long night, both of them having stayed up talking while a movie played in the background, and Ezra only hissed once at him. Bucky quietly accepts the chewy candy, grabbing the bag from her. He slowly chews the gummies, while also lining them up on her forearm by color. Blue, Yellow, Green, Red, White. He's pretty sure she falls asleep, and he's pretty sure he wasn't suppose to finish the bag.

*  
It continues:

“Plum?”

"Thanks."

She has five and they eat them all within in hour.

*  
"Dark chocolate covered espresso beans? These are a life saver."

*  
“Nutella? Offering Nutella is a testament to how much I don’t find you annoying. Like Jared Sharp? I’d never offer any food to him, especially Nutella. He can get his own jar. This is my jar, and I shall share with you because you let me ramble on like this about food and I appreciate that in a person."

Bucky tries the chocolate spread and tries not to let his expression betray him with how delicious it tastes. It's probably his favorite snack now. He eats half the jar before Ana scolds him about getting a stomach ache. She shamefully finishes the rest, and the glare Bucky gives her does nothing to dim her unapologetic smile.

*  
“Pocky?” 

“What the hell is pocky?” 

“Its a bread stick dipped in flavored chocolate. Duh.”

*

“Taki? It’s hot, be careful.”

"Fucking Christ. Why would you give those to me!? Why would anyone make a chip that hot."

Ana ends up falling off her chair in laughter.

*

“Poptart? It’s s'mores. Microwaving them is actually the best way to eat them."

"I burnt my tongue." Bucky says, fanning his mouth.

Ana sighs, handing him a glass of water. "You're a child." 

*  
“Girl Scout cookies? They’ll change your life, I’m telling you.”

*

“Sushi? Don’t eat the wasbi unless you want to breathe fire at Jared. Actually, eat the wasbi.”

*

“Chocolate?”

"Yes."

*

"Salt water taffy? I know you old timers love these things."

"You're a little punk, you know that?"

*

"Oreos? I swear to god if you just lick the cream out and throw away the cookie, I will smack you in the face with your metal hand."

"Like that would be out of character for you, darling." He rolls his eyes.

Ana tugs his hair again.

*

"Plum? Did you know that plum trees grow on every continent expect for Antarctica? And that they're high in antioxidants and can slow down the development of Alzheimer's Disease? Oh, and they're called Stone fruits. I think that's funny. Stone fruit."  
“I think you’re the strangest, most endearing person I’ve ever met.”

Ana beams at him holding up the dark purple fruit. “Plum?”

***

"I swear I have never seen anyone flirt over food more than those two." Clint says one day, passing by Ana and Bucky in the kitchen.

Steve looks over at the two from the patio. She's trying to to convince him to eat a potato chip dipped in ketchup. Bucky has a disgusted look on his face as he holds Ana's wrist in his had to keep her away from his mouth. However, the twitching of his lips betrays his seriousness. Steve is just glad that Ana really seems to be helping his friend come out of his carefully crafted shell. He smiles as Bucky shakes her hand, the chip falling from her fingers into the sink.

"Is that what they're doing?" He questions. He had noticed it but thought it was subtle enough not to cause attention

Clint plops down tiredly in the seat next to him, slipping down and propping his legs up on the empty chair next to him. He's taking time from his family to visit, since he doesn't do so very often anymore. The real reason is because Ana had inquired some of his help with the deprogramming before the first session. As he himself had been brainwashed and controlled before.

"According to Nat and Wanda. It's like watching two teenagers." He informs. 

Steve hums, flicking the newspaper he's reading. "Wonder what Stark says about that."

"Would probably send a suit over to threaten him in all honesty."

Steve agrees to that. He glances over at his two friends in the kitchen once more. Ana has her back turned to Bucky, and it's in that little moment, when she isn't looking, that Bucky allows his face to soften. He hasn't seen this side of his best friend in so long, if ever anymore. The pure look of fondness and comfort shines on Bucky's face as he looks at Ana.

There's something shifting between the two, slow but moving, quiet but burning. Steve is curious to see where it goes, how it develops as time goes on. He believes Ana has already brought some of Bucky's walls down, intentionally or not, she has done it. She is beginning to help him in ways Steve doesn't even think she knows she's doing. She hasn't even started the Deprogramming Sessions yet.

He knew she was the right person to help him.

"She's good for him. Clint states. "Might be good for both of them." Louder he says, "Helps with the stubborn attitude problem!"

Abruptly, Clint jerks his hand up next to his head, a plum clutched in his fist.

"Are you talking about me?" Ana calls from the kitchen.

"Always." He throws it back.

Ana catches it one handed, then offers the slightly bruised fruit to Bucky. "Plum?"

 

***********************************************************************************************************


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings for this chapter: Mild anxiety, mentions of nightmares/flashbacks. Ezra the cat

Bucky’s been lying on his bed for what seems like hours already, staring up at that stupid fan. He feels tired, exhaustion weighing down his bones, but every time he closes his eyes, he sees flashes of memories. Broken fragments of the cryo freeze chamber, that damn chair, shooting down a jet. The worst is when he sees images of choking several people with his metal hand. He sees himself falling from the train, remembers being captured the first time, remembers trying so hard to fight, to resist with every once of his being.

He sighs in frustration and decides to finally get up. If he recalls correctly from Ana’s tour of the place, there is a hidden staircase that leads up to the roof. He quietly exits his room, closing the door behind him and heads towards the stairs. His skin feels like it’s buzzing with nervous energy, and if he doesn’t get some fresh air he might go crazy with it.

The door to the roof is unlock, and he vaguely thinks that could be a security breach. The cool air hits his skin when he steps outside, offering a fresh breath. Bucky looks around to find himself alone, not that anyone would be up here at two in the morning. He finds a spot where the wall of the roof is low and sits behind it, staring out into the distance. 

The compound is in the middle of upstate New York, surrounded by trees and the nature of the woods. However, in the far distance is the glow of the city lights, brightening up the horizon. The lights do nothing to drown out the stars though, sparkling in the night sky from the moonlight.

The air is quiet, serene, with just a distant hooting of an owl. Bucky inhales the crisp night air, filling his lungs and exhales, hoping to release the stress with it. He hasn’t slept well for the past two weeks, being in a new, open place, but tonight the nightmares and memories haunt him more than usual. His skin has been prickling with anxiety, a consent fear that he’ll wake up back in that electroshock chair. Forced to do Hydra’s bidding.

He tries counting in his head, breathes slow and steady like Ana has told him to. He hears her soft voice in his head, instructing him to feel with his heart, rather than get caught up in the confides of his chaotic mind. So he tries. He feels the nip of the air against his skin. Feels a light breeze flutter through his hair. Feels the wooden flooring that has been laid down over the concrete. Feels how smooth it is against his fingertips, feels the calm of the night around him. Feels the air shift behind him, feels a slight surge up his spine like someone is watching him.

Bucky looks over his shoulder and Ana is standing there, watching him silently. He has no idea how long she has been there, he didn’t even hear her come up. Not for the first time, he thinks she looks beautiful, standing there with the moonlight cascading on her. Her hair is down, falling around her shoulders looking a little damp and wavy. She’s wearing a black camisole and gray sweatpants that are hanging just below the curve of her hips, showing off a sliver of skin.

Her feet are bare as she walks toward him. He notices how red and puffy her lips are, as if she has been biting them all night. She sits next to him, her face is soft and sleepy, but there are circles beneath her eyes. Eyes that catch the soft orange glow of the only lamp light, besides the moon, on the roof. The little gold flecks glittering every time she blinks. The breeze picks up and the scent of roses hits his nose.

Ana smiles softly at him and his stomach churns oddly. “Can’t sleep?”

He shakes his head. “Not at all.” He’s beginning to feel a sense of calm seep over him, settling in his bones. “You?”

“Same, energy felt off.” She says, waving her hand in the air. The scars on her right wrist shine in the light. “Always have trouble sleeping when it does. How long have you been up here?”

Bucky shrugs. “Half hour maybe? Seems like my mind doesn’t want to shut off.”

“Want to talk about it?” 

He takes his eyes off her, instead looking back out into the distance. He clenches his jaw, feeling the lingering fear of the nightmares. It’s an extremely dark place in his mind. Sometimes he lashes out when he thinks about it. When he wakes from them, lashing out at the nearest thing, just to make sure he isn’t strapped down. He subtly moves his left hand closer to his thigh, away from Ana.

“I mean,” She continues, “you obviously don’t have to, we talk enough already during the day and that can be exhausting. You already look terrible, anyway. I mean, terrible in the exhausted type of way, not terrible in the you-just-got-hit-by-a-bus kind of way.”

Bucky can’t help chuckle at her. He turns his head back to look over at her. “You tend to ramble, you know that?”

“Yes I do. Sorry.”

“Nah, it’s entertaining. I like it.”

Ana bites her lip, but a smile breaks out anyway. For the first time since they’ve met, Ana looks a little timid. Almost like he doesn’t know if she should sit next to him, to stay and listen if he wants to talk. So far, she’s been very open, nonjudgmental in any way, and Steve’s words play in his head. He if trusts Ana with his life, then why shouldn’t Bucky trust her with his reason for not sleeping.

Trust is a two way street, and Ana has been nothing but kind and patient. Never pressing or pushing on topics, never baiting and insisting for him to open up. She has been clear that anything they do is on his own time and terms. He decides now is that time. Before he can do so, however, Ana speaks up once more. 

“Has anyone ever told you how blue your eyes are?” She asks, tilting her head. 

Bucky frowns in confusion, taken off guard. Like she’s been doing since he met her. “Um…no?”

“Well they are. I’ve never seen that color blue. Bluest of blues.”

He smiles shyly. “Do you know you have gold in your eyes?”

“I’ve been told.”

“Nine.” He informs her. “You have nine golden dots in your eyes. Five in your right, four in the left. It’s kind of captivating…pretty.”

“Pretty?” Ana smiles, “you think my eyes are pretty?”

“I..uh…yes.” Bucky stammers, his face suddenly feels warm. “They’re nice…you have nice eyes.”

Ana chuckles, then bites her bottom lip shyly was once more and his eyes track the movement. “Thank you.”

They fall silent. Bucky wonders why he can’t seem to shake this nervousness he has around her. Ana turns her head to stare out into the horizon, seeming content just to sit there. Her eyes blink slowly, lashes brushing against her cheekbones. Cheekbones that cut into her face and leads to the defined joint of her jaw. The muscles there are calm, relaxed, unlike how it twitches when she’s annoyed at someone for interrupting their time. Her chest is exposed, but there’s the absent of her necklace resting against her collarbones. He’s never seen her without it before, so it must be of importance, but doesn’t want it to tangle in her sleep. Her dark hair picks up in the breeze and she pushes loose strands off her face and behind her ear. 

Bucky has had a passing thought of it before, but now as he views her in the moonlight, soft and sleepy and almost vulnerable, he admits it to himself. Not only is Ana beautiful physically, everything else about her is as well. Her soul, her heart, her whole presence just wants to genuinely help people. She doesn’t seem to have a hidden agenda, or anything to gain, and Steve is right. He sees it so clearly now. She just wants to help him. So, Bucky decides to finally let her, and completely opens up.

“I have these nightmares.” Bucky confesses, startles Ana’s attention back to him. She doesn’t respond, and he’s grateful that she’s allowing him to talk. Her eyes wide and trusting.

“For the past week, every night when I close my eyes, I see the things I’ve done. Or I find myself back at Hydra, strapped to the chair. They feel more like flashbacks more than anything. Images of what they did to me, Wiping my memory, torturing me with that machine, blending my mind. Reciting those goddamn words.”

He sees Ana visibly inhale, and he copies her, helps calm him again. 

“When I wake up, it takes a while to remember where I actually am. That I’m here, and haven’t been found. Be forced to go back and start the process all over again.”

He blows out a breath, shoving his fingers through his hair. “Those two years when I was hiding, I convinced myself that I was safe. Finally free from their grasp, but then the bombing happened in Vienna. The illusion I created was shattered, and then I was fucking triggered again.” He lets out a humorless, self-deprecating chuckle. “It was two years, Ana. Two years without any of it, slowly putting my memories and myself back together, just to have it all jumbled again.”

He pauses to collect his thoughts, scrubbing his hand down his scruff. Ana’s hand makes an abrupt movement, like she wants to comfort him, but she stills it on the ground between them. He probably couldn’t mind if she wanted to; she’s done it before during the day. Maybe she feels that this moment is different.

“They turned me into my own worse nightmare.” Bucky admits, his voice barely above a whisper. “Maybe that’s why I can’t sleep. I can’t escape it either way.”

This time Ana does place her hand over his left, and he appreciates it. Bucky hasn’t had anyone to truly talk these things out with before, and maybe right in this moment, it’s all he needs. He smiles briefly at her, before looking down at their hands. He has noticed scars on her wrist before, but now he details them up close. A few are jagged, a few much paler than the others. It seems like she’s been through her own nightmares as well.

She’s been quiet this whole time, like she doesn’t have the words to say anything. So Bucky asks, "Any suggestions for the nightmares?”

“Whiskey?” Ana quips immediately.

It’s unexpected, as his the laugh that comes out of Bucky’s mouth. “What?”

“I’m kidding.” She smiles. “Honestly, for me…the first thing I do is find the light, turn it on. At least that way I can account for where I am. That I’m in my bed and not the kitc- somewhere else. Sometimes I allow myself to be scared or sad, but only for a moment. Then, I start counting, not just breathing exercises. I count what’s surrounding me. Count five objects I see, four things I can touch, three things I see that’s important to me. Like a photo, a book, Ezra. Count two noises I may hear, and feel one thing you’re close too." 

"And that helps?”

“Yeah. It’s what people do for anxiety or panic attacks as well. The counting focuses your brain on something trivial, something that doesn’t trick your mind. It grounds you, relaxes your breathing and calms your heart. The counting can be switched with other things as well. Basically, whichever works the best for you. It’s called grounding.”

Ana looks forward, staring into the distance. "For me, I come up here a lot. More often than not.”

Bucky raises his eyebrows. “Did I invade your spot?”

She rolls her eyes, and nudges his shoulder with hers. Their hands are still touching, but he doesn’t move. “Nah. I do have access from my room though. Makes it easier to come here.”

“I can see why you come up here.” He says, looking around. “It’s nice, peaceful.”

“Can help you escape when things get overwhelming.” Ana pauses, squeezing the top of his hand lightly. The pressure makes the steel of his knuckles click. “Bucky, I want you to understand something. It doesn’t have to be now, or soon, just hopefully one day.”

She looks directly in his eyes, pinning him with a determine stare. “You, yourself, are _not_ a nightmare. I can’t even being to imagine what you’re going through, how you feel, what you think. But I can see it in your eyes, that you think you’re a monster. You are not a monster, whether you believe me or not. _I_ do not think you are.”

Bucky feels his heart beat a little painfully in his chest. She just hit the nail on the head with that one. He didn’t even have to say that is what he’s been thinking this entire time. Having to come to terms with the things he has done, or didn’t do, but did at the same time. It’s been a long, confusing, guilt-ridden road, but that always seemed to be the thought he came back too.

“You are safe here, and those disgusting people will never get to you again.” Ana tells him fervently. “Also, it’s okay to be scared.”

“You think I’m scared?” Bucky asks softly. He’s terrified. 

“I do. I think you’re scared, nervous, confused, and it’s perfectly fine to be. There’s nothing wrong with feeling those things. That’s what makes you different from those people, Bucky. That’s what makes you human.”

There’s a passion in her eyes that Bucky notices. He saw it the day they met, and he sees it now, and it doesn’t look like it’s going away. She has a passion to help him, to allow him to work through this on his own time. He feels his heart open up, dropping whatever walls he was trying to keep up against her. They fall down with a loud crash, useless because Ana had started tearing them down the first time she smiled at him. All it took was a month.

Bucky turns his hand over, gently squeezes her own. “Thank you.” He tells her, the words heavy with gratitude. 

“That’s what friends are for, right?” Ana smiles brightly. 

An unusual, almost new sensation comes over him, filling every part of him with warmth. There’s a sense of comfort that’s washing over him and he realizes he hasn’t felt something like that in so, so long. _Friendship_. A new friend. Someone who seems to already know everything his brainwashed, control mind has done, and has yet to run away screaming from how dangerous he is. He hopes she stays.

“Yeah.” Bucky agrees quietly.

He smiles back at her, slowly at first. Then he can’t help his lips spreading wider, and he’s pretty sure his teeth are showing. He thinks Ana’s eyes soften, but that could be the dim lighting. She looks away, over her shoulder and points her thumb behind her, looking back at him.

“You know there are lounge chairs out here.” She informs him.

“I…did not.” He sees them now though.

Ana laughs. “Tired?”

“No.”

“Hungry?”

“A little bit.”

“Come on." 

***

Ana gets up and it’s only then does Bucky realizes he’s still holding her hand. However, Ana uses that grip to pull him up, a surprising amount of strength packed away in her body. He’s a little impressed. His hand grasps empty air when she finally lets go, and he follows her down the way he came.

She leads him into the kitchen, telling him to sit at the counter bar. She informs him she’s making crepes, which he is fine with since he’s never had them before. He says this much and Ana scoffs like she’s offended. Bucky is content to watch her float around the kitchen, and he grabs the jar of nutella when she takes it out and places it a little too close to him. While she’s preparing the batter, he sneakily gets up, grabs a spoon from the drawer and sits back down.

He takes a rather big spoonful of the hazelnut spread, twirling it around so nothing drips on the counter. He puts half of the spoon in his mouth and watches her. She seems to float around the kitchen, hips swaying a little as she does a small little dance as she pours the batter into the pan. The hem of her shirt has ridden up, exposing her lower back and with it, another scar, just below the dimples of her back.

Bucky is super curious now about the scars. Wonders if she has actually done some field work with the agents and if that’s the reason she opts to stay non-combatant. Or, if she got into some serious trouble before, and the injuries were inflicted not from defense, but from an unsuspecting attack. That thought makes Bucky’s heart clench and his jaw tighten. This scar is two inches thicker in width, serrate in a few places and nearly spans across her entire back. It looks like it starts at her left hip, stopping just past the right side of her spine. The scars look like knife wounds.

"What the hell are you doing?” Ana’s incredulous voice interrupts his thoughts. “That’s for the crepes!”

Bucky widens his eyes, popping the now empty spoon out of his mouth. “You set it down in front of me!”

“God, you’re worse than I am.” She rolls her eyes, leaning across the counter to grab the jar. “You didn’t double dip did you because you’d owe me a new one.” She looks into the jar. “Bucky, you took like half!”

“I can not be held accountable for my actions with my sleep deprivation.” He says haughtily.

“You’re full of shit.” She deadpans, narrowing her eyes. There’s a small smirk on her lips though. “And you got something, right there." 

She pokes her finger on the right side of his mouth. When she pulls back, there’s a smudge of Nutella on her finger, that she proceeds to wipe on his nose. Bucky is feels a little baffled as she laughs, going back to the pan. He grumbles as he grabs a paper towel and wipes his nose and mouth. He pouts pitifully at his empty spoon.

Ana sets a plate in front of him, rolling her eyes. "I put extra drizzle on your crepes, plus powdered sugar.”

She did, and Bucky is pretty sure crepes are his new favorite snack. They eat in comfortable silence, and he keeps finding himself looking over at Ana several times. She’s pushes her hair over her shoulder, and one of the straps of her shirt is slipping down her bare shoulder. She still looks exhausted, the circles under her eyes growing darker, and her eyelashes flutter like she’s trying to fight off sleep. Her tongues darts across her bottom lips once in a while, licking off any lingering Nutella or powdered sugar. Ana looks up once, catches him, and smiles.

He adverts his eyes quickly, looking at the digital time on the stove. “It’s already 3:45? You should probably go to bed.”

“Nah,” Ana says finishing off her last bite. “I don’t mind staying up with you.”

“You know I’m a grown man,” He tells her. “I don’t need a babysitter.”

“Yes you do, Sergeant Snowflake. Otherwise that jar will be empty in the morning.” She points to the Nutella.

He glares at the nickname, then says “Ah, you spoiled my plan.”

“Really though. I don’t mind.”

Bucky smiles at her. He helps her clean up, washing the dishes by hand. It’s something he discovered he likes to do. Keeping his hands busy keeps some thoughts and memories at bay. Right now he thinks it’s the present company doing that instead. They head over to the couch, Ana picking up the remote and picking a channel playing a late night movie; The Sandlot.

They’ll more than likely need to watch it again, because they make little conversations throughout the movie. They seem content to just talk about small things here and there. All the anxiousness, doubt and fear Bucky has been feeling from the night melts away. 

By the time the movie is ending, Ana has decided to lay sideways on the couch, stretching out her body. Bucky himself is rather comfortable, half turned towards her with his back resting on the cushions and his feet on the table in front of him. Ana has fallen asleep, a foot of space between his thigh and her head. 

There’s something vulnerable about her falling asleep next to him, a former mind-controlled assassin, and he tries not to think too hard about it. His eyes feel heavy and he’s drifting off after Ana, heading falling onto the top of the back cushion. 

***

In the early morning hour, Bucky wakes with something heavy on his chest. He slowly cracks his eyes open, stares straight into golden-green eyes. It’s barely light enough outside, but he swears the killer cat is glaring at him. Bucky swallows thickly, doesn’t know if he should move or not. Suddenly, Ezra leans closer, opens his mouth, and bites down on his nose. Bucky winces, but still doesn’t move.

Then, Ezra is being lifted off his chest, the cats nails digging into the flesh of his chest and shirt before he lets go. Ana is there, snuggling the devil cat into her chest, and Ezra’s purrs begin to fill the quiet room. Bucky rubs his throbbing nose.

“Winter Bunny.” She mumbles sleepily into the cat’s fur. “Can’t even fend of a kitty.”

Bucky rubs his stinging pectorals. He doesn’t even get a word out before Ana turns, half stumbling down the hall to her room. He gets up, following her decision and goes to sleep in his own bed, grumbling under his breath. He mutters something about killer Satan cats, offing their prey in their sleep.

“Dramatic Sergeant.” Ana whispers. She looks over her shoulder, Ezra’s tail flickering in the air. “We’re sleeping in.”

Bucky watches as she continues down the hall and disappears into her room. Evil cat has Ana wrapped around it’s little killer claws.

*********************************************************

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: That last scene with the cat…has happened to me. Do you have any idea how terrifying it is to wake at 3am with the Mafia cat on your chest staring you down? No? I do. Except this mafia cat hadn’t seen me in a long time and has to make sure I was breathing and not dead. I petted him and he hopped off.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings for self doubt in this chapter, mentions of nightmares as well.
> 
> Enjoy!
> 
> PS: It's 2:30 and although I previously edited this chapter, I didn't edit it before posting it here. Sorry.

Despite the talking sessions, Ana doing everything she can to coach Bucky through it, she can see his self doubt as if it's tattooed on his skin. Ana sees when he begins to fall into a self loathing spiral. It dampens the blue of his eyes, ashen his smile, and he always tucks his left arm closer to his body. Ana sees it all, and she can't help her heart aching for him a little. There are times when Bucky sits on her right, arms brushing once in a while, when he abruptly leans away, his arm glued to his side.

Ana doesn't comment on it. Instead, she continues to focus on redirecting Bucky's anxiety onto other things. She pulls out a few blank notebooks and a coloring book, which earns her a bewildered look from Bucky. Once she explains that coloring can help focus the mind, they end up coloring half of the book. All the while Ana ignores the looks being thrown her way from the guards, and the Agents surrounding them

They're getting antsy, impatient, but Ana refuses to start the first step into the Deprogramming. Not until Bucky feels like he can get through it without a panic attack. Earning an ounce of his trust took more than a few days. Earning half of it took more than a few weeks. She will do it when he's ready.

Two days later, Bucky has a rather bad day. He informs Ana of his vivid nightmare, how it took almost an hour to calm himself down. How it took an hour for him to decipher what was real in front of him, and not in his brain. Ana informs him the next time that happens, that he is welcomed to find her. That she will be willing to talk him through it next time. She doesn't miss the way Bucky grips is left forehand with his right hand, keeping it close to his ribs.

It's how they end up on the roof again, quickly becoming their spot the past few days and nights. In the observation lab, there are still people mulling about, doing their work tasks. There are guards who pretend like they aren't carefully watching Bucky. Who pretend they aren't ready to pull their guns and shoot him if need be. She hates that.

Here, on the roof, it's just them. Their own peaceful little haven. Confessions can be made here, emotions can be shown, secrets can be said without being overheard. They are alone up here, and Bucky seems to open up just a little more about the things that haunt him at night.

"I think that's why I can't figure out what's real or not, because...I remember." Bucky ends up telling her as they lay on the floor.

Ana quietly observes him. He turns his face towards the night sky, almost as if he's ashamed of his next words. His lips tremble for a moment. Ana frowns.

"At least, in my dreams, I remember it. Subconsciously." He continues softly. "It was like I was trapped in this unbreakable glass box, helplessly watching. Do you have any idea what it's like to have no control over your body, over your own mind. You’re only somewhat aware of it, so at night, you lay there, wondering if it was all just a dream. Or if it wasn’t, and you’re left with knowing of the horrific things you’ve done?”

He shakes his head. “It doesn’t really matter in the end, because it was all me. I did it all. Do you have any idea what it's like for those memories consume you, and when morning comes, you aren’t sure if you just woke from a nightmare, or stayed awake to relive it all. If it was real the whole time.”

A self-deprecating ghost of a chuckle emits from his mouth. It sounds bitter, sad, a noise that shouldn't be leaving his lips. Ana sees a tear escape the corner of his eye, racing down his temple and soaking into his long dark hair. Her fingers itch to wipe it away, but if she touches him now, with how vulnerable he is, it could make or break the energy surrounding them. 

Ana is considered an emotional and psychological Healer, an Energy Alchemist; it doesn't mean she likes having to actually use her so called gift. She rarely does outside of helping the Avengers. However, maybe if she reaches out, she could understand him a little better. Maybe it can help in the healing process. Ana knows it's time to tell him. She just hopes he won't be angry for keeping it from him.

"No." She tells him softly, answering his rhetorical questions. "But I can. If you want me to."

Bucky turns his head to face her, eyes glistening in the soft orange light of the roof. "What?"

"I'm uh- something called an Empathetic Healer." Ana confesses nervously. "and an Energy Alchemist, according to everyone around here. I just tamper it down. By a lot, but if I wanted to, I can feel people's emotions. I can feel the energy surrounding them, can transmute negative energy into positive energy, if you will. I just prefer not to do it at all. Touch people with it, I mean."

If Bucky is angry or upset about keeping this rather major part of herself a secret, he doesn't show it. His blue eyes unreadable. His eyebrows twitch down. 

"You manipulate peoples emotions and feelings."

It's not a question. It's a statement. Ana needs to quickly correct that, before Bucky misunderstands and takes it the wrong way. If he hasn't already. Ana shifts, leaning up on her elbows to look down at him. She vigorously shakes her head.

"Not at all!" She clarifies firmly. "I can't manipulate emotions or feelings. That completely different. I don't and can't do that, and if I could, I would never do that to anyone. Especially you. Okay? Plus that's against people's rights and free will and a total invasion of privacy and that's absolutely horrible. Even if I could, I wouldn't, you know? That is not not me, not my protocol."

"Rambling seems to be." Bucky quips.

It takes a second for his words to sink in, all the while noticing the small mischievous gleam in his eyes. Ana narrows her eyes, tugs at a strand of his hair before falling on her back again.

"You're a dick." She huffs. She can hear him chuckle for real this time. "You scared me for a moment. I thought I really upset you."

"I'm sorry. I figured you had something else special about you." He says, but that little chuckle is still coloring his voice. "Continue."

"I should just leave you out here. I hope it rains." The sky is crystal clear. She makes to sit up, but a hand on her jacket pull her back down.

"Stay, please." 

It falls silent after that, a nice peace between them. The moon is directly above them, high in the night sky, a faint halo of light surrounding it. Ana is trying to ignore how close Bucky's right hand is to her left. Can practically feel the heat radiating off his skin. 

Ana tries to keep it at bay, but the energy between them is prickling at her skin. It's like it woke up the moment she confessed about it. She tries to just focus on the moon and the twinkling stars, instead of her heart rate kicking up a notch. It's Bucky who breaks the silence.

"I wouldn't mind if you wanted to." He begins, voice soft and reserved. "But I'm not sure I want you feel what I do when it comes to that. These are the horrible, terrifying feelings."

"Then I won't."

"Maybe another time."

"Okay."

A beat of silence passes. "Ana."

Ana turns her head to look at him. Bucky looks...open. His expression clear of any haunting memories for the moment. His eyes are wide and trusting, and so so blue. It's ridiculous how they look like sapphires shinning against the bright light of the moon. He licks his lips and Ana can't help but track the movement.

"Bucky."

"I think I want you too. Before you ask, yes. I'm sure."

Ana sits up again, wiggles around until she's facing him as he sits up as well. She blows out a breath, and ruffles her hand through her hair. Because laying on the hard wood flooring of the roof does wonders. Before she can ask, Bucky holds his hand out, palm open and waiting.

"You won't feel anything, in case you were wondering. It doesn't amp up current emotions." She explains. "If I wanted to change your energy around from negative to positive, that's the only thing you'll feel. Be it bad or good or a sense of calm. I take on everything else. It helps me relate better to someone."

Bucky nods. Ana shuts her eyes, pulling down her walls where she usually blocks her gift, and feels energy rush through her veins. She gently places her hand in Bucky's, his skin a little calloused, but warm and somehow still soft. Nothing happens for a few moments, just the sound of their breathing throughout the night air.

Abruptly, a surge of emotions come rushing through her body, makes Ana gasp audibly. Her body immediately begins to tremble, with wave after wave of chaotic emotions crash over her, but she doesn't pull away. She can feel Bucky tighten his fingers around her hand, as if he's trying to comfort her, because it's not enough for him to feel this everyday, he has to comfort her as well. She can't see any of his memories from the passed decades, but she starts to feel it all. Every single emotion.

Fear. Hurt. Anger. Relief. Pain. Confusion. Sadness. Torment. Heartbreak. Fear, pain, anger, confusion. Fear, pain, anger, confusion. Torture. Fear, pain, anger, confusion. It all whirls around inside her heart in an anarchic flurry. It's almost crippling, seizing around her heart, ensnaring her brain.

"Enough!"

A hand is ripped away from hers and Ana's automatically press both of hers to her chest. Tries to calm the storm that formed inside her. She's panting a little, just trying to steady her breathing. That was quite a lot to take in after keeping her gift at bay for a while. Usually, she just uses her energy alchemy gift, but this, this was too much too soon.

"Turn it off, Ana."

She hears Bucky, but it takes five slow, deep breaths to do so. She nods her head to let him know it won't happen again. Ana slowly opens her eyes, and Bucky is extremely close to her face, concerned eyes searching her own. She suddenly feels exhausted, and her eyes flutter in a fight to keep them open.

"I'm good." Ana assures him breathlessly.

Bucky frowns, moving his lips as if he wants to tisk at her. Instead, he brings both hands up to her face, gently cupping her cheeks, and she is way too fucking exhausted to figure out what that means. He swipes both his thumbs beneath her eyes, a wet trail smearing across her skin.

"Is that why you're crying?" Bucky asks softly. He swipes his thumbs again. “Maybe that was a bad idea."

Ana attempts to shake her head. The cool metal of his left hand feels good against her skin, but so does the warmth of his right hand. It's a rather serene contraindication. Bucky is a contraindication in many ways. It's getting harder to keep her eyes focused on his. Blue, blue, so blue eyes. Some strands of his hair have fallen over his eye. Ana finds that rather rude of them to obscure her view. 

So she lifts her hand and slowly pushes the long hair away from his face, her fingers running deeper. Ana brushes his hair back until her fingers follow the curve of his ear. Trails her touch down his neck, over his racing pulse, his slightly exposed collarbone, to the middle of his chest. Thinks that this might be her favorite spot on his chest. She leans forward slightly, his hands still holding her face. She's too tired to pick up on the little hitch in Bucky's breath, and the quicken beat of his heart.

"I am so sorry, Bucky." She whispers, feeling another tear escape her eye. "I am going to help you, because that's what friends do. I will help you." 

And that's what was missing in all of his emotions. Friendship, comfort, trust, love. A sense of belonging.

"I know you will, darling." He whispers back. "I really shouldn't have let you do that." 

Ana shakes her head, and Bucky laughs lowly. She can feel it rumble in his chest.

"Let's get you to bed." He finally drops his hands from her face, using them instead to stand up. 

Bucky reaches down to pull her up. Ana stumbles a little, not even sure she can make it down the stairs to her room. Her own energy completely drained. She leans her body on Bucky's for support, her head swimming. Stairs will literally be the death of her, she can barely stay awake at this point. Maybe it was a bad idea. She doesn't know what's really happening anymore, just knows that it feels like she's floating and a low drawl of a voice is seeping into her veins. She can't fight the pulls of sleep any longer.

 

***

When Ana wakes up, she feels an unusual tiredness throughout her body. It's expected after her little show last night. She shakes her head, yawning, then makes herself get out of bed. She gets in the shower and pulls herself together, because she can be very empathetically clingy if she isn't careful. She can read and feel people's energy, but that usually leaves herself open and vulnerable in the aftermath.

Once she reaches the main floor of the department, greeting everyone she sees along her way, including Max with a hug, she sees something sitting at her station. She begins to smile before the smell even hits her nose. She picks up the large cup of coffee, inhaling the strong aroma before cautiously taking a sip. It's of drinkable tempature, and she nearly moans at the taste.

"Strong." Ana mumbles against the rim of the mug.

"And blacker than my soul." Bucky quips from right behind her.

Ana snorts against the mug, and nudges his elbow him once he's standing next to her. "You're ridiculous. Thank you."

"Take it as a lame apology for last night." He hops up on the desk, gently nudging her shin with his foot.

She waves her hand as a response to forget it, since she offered in the first place. She takes a rather slow, long sip, watching as Bucky smiles, then occupies himself by starting the breathing techniques. He looks well rest despite the emotions of last night. His brown hair is push out of his eyes, falling more to the left today than usual. The scruff covering his face from his plump upper lip to his neck is getting a little more thicker, but it's definitely working well for him. It also doesn't hide his strong jawline. 

Ana gets distracted by the rise and fall of his toned, broad chest, muscles defined slightly under his gray henley shirt. The first four buttons are undone and she doesn't know if he did that on purpose or just doesn't care, but Ana appreciates it.

She's abruptly hit with just how attractive Bucky really is. Not that she didn't notice that on the first day they met, but it rises up today, smacking her in the face. He is handsome, rugged, soft and hard like the contraindication he is and this is completely utterly inappropriate. Ana blames the effects of last night, although, maybe that's not entirely true; maybe something else shifted between them last night.

She swallows a big sip of coffee and goes for another one. That's when Bucky decides to stretch his arms above his head, his shirt riding up enough to reveal a sliver of skin, just a hint of lower abs, and the beginning cut of his Adonis belt. Very appropriately named. Ana's eyes drop without her control, watching as he leans back to arch his back, his legs spread wider, thighs flexing thickly, hooking his calves under the table. Ana stares as he arches his back again, eyes dropping back down his stomach, exposed skin above his sweatpants, and lower to follow the line of his-

Ana sputters against her mug, pulling it away and coughing out the coffee she inhaled into her airway. She waves at Bucky, signalling that she's fine, since he stopped stretching. She informs him once her coughing has stopped, that she loves coffee so much she decided to literally breath it in.

"Told you its unhealthy." Bucky tells her smugly, crossing his arms. It makes his peck muscles bulge a little. His biceps are ridiculously defined.

Ana lets the remark pass, because that was not the reason why she suddenly choked. Empathizing was a bad idea.

****************************

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for giving this story the time of day! <3


	9. Chapter 9

"I don't get you." Bucky blurts out a few days later. It tumbles from his lips after Ana has made yet another encouraging speech.

He doesn't mean too, but lately his brain-to-mouth filter has been disappointing him. He just can't seem to help the word vomit that comes out of his stupid mouth when Ana is around. She just does something to him. That has to be the reason why his stomach always feels like it's free falling. Flipping backwards like it did on that one roller-coaster he scarcely remembers; the sensation of it flying up to his throat. He remembers his hands sweating and his blood racing in his veins from anticipation, but this. This is different. His hand sweats and his blood races through his veins from nerves. It's the strangest feeling.

Ana, who has been casually lounging in her chair with her boot clad feet propped up next to his thigh on the desk, looks up from her notebook. Her eyebrows furrow in confusion, lashes skimming her cheekbones as she blinks slowly. It reminds him of Ezra for a moment.

"How can you just be so..so..infuriatingly nonjudgmental towards me? Or anyone for that matter?"

Ana snorts. It shouldn't be a cute, nearly attractive sound, but she makes it that way. She taps the end of her pen against the pages of the notebook.

"You don't think I'm judgmental?" She counters flatly. She points her pen across the room. "I judge the shit out of Sharp's shoes over there. Those are some grade-a, frat boy, cheap ass loafers that he passes as being professional footwear."

"I heard that, you twat!" Jared calls from across the room.

"I know."

There's not an ounce of mirth in their words, and Bucky really needs to know what happened between them. If something actually did take place, or their dislike for each other was mutual and instant. Unlikely, since Ana is nearly friends with every agent, Avenger, nurse, cook. Everyone. Which brings him back to the judgement thing.

"Ana." Bucky chuckles lowly. "I'm serious. I want to know."

"I know a good person when I see one." She says simply. "That's all it is."

"But-"

"I swear to god, Winter Wonderland, if you start up with that disagreeing self-deprecation again, which I know you do, I will shove my pen up your nose."

She makes good on her threat by leaning forward, playfully poking the air with her pen. Bucky smiles despite himself, grabbing her wrist with is left hand, and tugging the pen out of her fist with his right. He twirls it skillfully between his fingers as Ana glares at him. She turns her hand beneath his, breaking the hold his thumb had, and clutching the underside of his wrist. 

It was a quick move, leaves Bucky just a little baffled, before he's leaning away from his own metal fingers. As if she...she's trying to replace the pen with his fingers. He pulls his arm just a little too hard, and Ana goes flying off her seat. Her feet falling to the floor with a loud smack.

Bucky is quick to catch her before her chin slams into his knee. He has one hand clutched on her wrist, the other wrapped around her bicep. Ana is half crouched, bent at the waist, her free hand gripping the edge of the desk and she's laughing. She is laughing loud and carefree, pressing her face into the side of his thigh, like she can’t hold her head up.

The sound of her laugh and the press of her face ignites something in Bucky’s chest. It feels warm, light and airy, and it's slowly spreading through his veins. Bucky feels his heart-rate pick up a little, as he looks down at her joyful face. Her eyes are squeezed shut, pink lips open from the laughter, her cheeks flushed. When she opens her eyes, he swears the gold specks glitter, warming her eyes even more.

He helps her stand, makes sure her feet are steady on the ground. Ana flicks her hair off her shoulder in a practice move as she looks around the room. He follows her gaze, sees that almost every person is looking at them with mixed expressions. Max is by the doors, looking on with an amused smirk, as are some of the other guards. It's the first time he sees them not looking at him with apprehension. Others have confused expressions on their faces, but it's Jared Sharp that catches Bucky's eyes.

He looks sour. The glare emitting from his green eyes make them look murky, disdain clear as day. His jaw is clenched and his shoulders tight. His hands are balled into fists at his side, his body radiating tension. It's a miracle Ana hasn't felt it because Bucky can. He's not reading it as jealousy, more of a bitter hatred towards Ana. Bucky tightens his grip on her arm out of protectiveness, he sits her up. Then he slips off the desk to adjust his body slightly so that he hides Ana away from the loathing stare. He refocuses on Ana's cheerful face.

"That was my bad, darlin'." Bucky apologizes, smiling at her.

"That was really funny." Ana states. "Your expression when you realized-" she breaks out to laugh again.

"That you were trying to shove my own fingers up my nose?" He chuckles.

"Sorry." She giggles. "You took my pen." 

 _Giggles_. Ana just giggled and it's infectious because Bucky is pretty certain he is full on beaming at her now. It's still a new thing, smiling this much in such a short amount of time around her. It makes his cheeks hurt. Movement from the stairs pulls his eyes away from Ana's elated face. He sees Steve walking towards them, didn't even know he was in the room in the first place.

"That was entertaining." Steve says once he's a few feet away. His eyes drop to Ana's bicep.

It's then that Bucky realizes he has been holding onto her arm for much too long. He releases her bicep quickly, his palm burning from her smooth skin. Steve quirks his eyebrow up in a silent question, but Bucky chooses to ignore it. He's seen that look, he remembers that look. It's the same look Steve used to give him when Bucky was sweet on a dame. It literally has been seventy-five years since he even looked at a girl like that. 

"Glad to provide." Ana says. She snatches back her pen from Bucky's hand. " _My_  pen."

Bucky holds his hands up. "All yours, Annie." The name earns him a tug to his hair and narrowed eyes. He laughs. "You called me Winter Wonderland twice now."

"If you two are finished," Steve speaks up, mirth in his words, "Vision made lunch and wanted to invite you both." He directs his next comment to Ana. "Said you were up really late again and probably slept through breakfast."

Ana scrunches her face while Bucky frowns. He wonders if she was up because she couldn't sleep or because she had a nightmare. She should have woken him up if that was the case. They seem to have a building connection when it comes to sleep deprivation. He could have just stayed up and talked with her.

"I had breakfast." Ana replies, walking past them both to exit the lab.

"Coffee doesn't count." Bucky quips.

They follow her out, not before Bucky catches Jared's eye. He's still glaring at her, and Bucky is glad this guy doesn't have an ability to burn holes through peoples heads. Bucky can feel his own eyes harden, grinding his teeth together because something doesn't sit right with him. He stares back at Jared, hard and cold until he adverts his eyes. Bucky catches up with Ana, walking a little too close for comfort. He just needs to protect her back from some unknown reason. They're half way down the hall when Ana address him.

"Whoa. What's with the face?" She questions and stops walking. "You alright, Bucky?"

He doesn't get to answer, wouldn't know how to explain his look anyway, for right then Wanda comes rushing down the hall. She greets Ana excitedly, mentions that Vision has made milkshakes as well, and they both take off like little girls at the fair. Bucky watches her down the hall, doesn't take his eyes off her until they disappear around the corner.

"Buck?" Steve says.

"You know that Sharp guy hates her, right? Tell me you see that."

Steve sighs. "I do. He's harmless, Buck. He won't do anything."

Bucky levels him with a look. "You're so sure?"

He doesn't look it. "He has a clean record and background check. He's been working here for nearly as long as Ana has."

The clearance of Sharp's background check does nothing to settle the nerves in his gut. If SHIELD is allowing Bucky to walk around freely, why wouldn't they do the same for someone else. Although, Bucky would rip his right off arm rather than hurt Ana. This guy, this guy he isn't sure about. The heavy weight of his friends hand on his shoulder pulls him out of his thoughts.

"Just, keep an eye out." Steve tells him.

He will. And then some.  
  
*** 

The next day, Ana walks in with tense shoulders, the muscle in her jaw twitching visibly. Her black studded, heeled boots clack loudly against the floor, as if the sound is a warning of the annoyed state she’s in. Bucky raises an eyebrow curiously when she stops in front of him.

"They want to move forward." Ana says, a bitterness coloring her tone. "I don't like the idea, at all really. Actually, I straight out refused it, but they insisted and since apparently they think my rank here is only as high as Fury's boots...anyway, we're moving forward. But only if you want to. No one is forcing you to do anything you don't-"

"I would need to know what it is before I can refuse as vehemently as you, darling. Though my rank isn't nearly as high as yours." Bucky interrupts, teasing her a little with a smile.

She narrows his eyes at him. "Are you mocking me?"

"Never!”

Ana tugs a strand of his hair, rather close to the root. It's becoming a thing between them. He teases, she tugs his hair, and he pretends to be annoyed. Though it does nothing to stop his heart skipping a beat once in a while. Someone moves behind her, and his eyes track the movement over her shoulder; just in case. In case of what...he still isn't sure he fully understands. Ana notices, and turns her head. She sighs and takes a step back, meeting his gaze again.

"Right. As long as I tried holding it off for, and since they refuse to believe a woman can have a higher authority over them, we're going to start the Deprogramming Sessions today." Ana informs, crossing her arms over her chest. 

Just like that, the teasing mood is gone, and a spike of fear rushes up his spine. His expression must show it too, because Ana leans forward, grabbing both his hands. She must be able to feel his anxiety, for she gets rather close to his face, searching his eyes.

"Bucky." She begins softly, "I will not do anything you don't want to do. People are just impatient. I’m still head of this and I don't want to do anything that makes you feel uncomfortable. I want to help you, but not at your expense. If you say no, I won’t do it.”

Bucky shakes his head, swallowing down his fear. He has nothing to be afraid of. He trusts Ana inexplicably, despite only knowing her a short time. He steels himself and smiles at her.

"It's why I'm here in the first place. If it means getting rid of the Winter Soldier persona, I'll do it." He tells her.

"Only if you are one-hundred percent ready." Ana says firmly. 

Her usual caramel eyes are much darker, colored with worry, pleading. Almost as if she's asking him to say no. Bucky appreciates her protectiveness, but he needs to do this. It has to be done sooner or later. 

"I'm ready. One hundred percent."

Ana straights up. "Follow me then."

  
***

That metal door Bucky noticed the first day opens to the room they'll be deprogramming in. It's spacious with light grey walls, and a chair that looks like it once belonged in a magic show; or an execution block. Bucky figures there are hidden restraints somewhere within the metal frame. There's a table in front of it, pushed several feet away from the chair, lined with black little gadgets. He lifts his gaze when he sees a single staircase leading to a viewing room, with a door and a large glass window. There are people dressed in black with heavy duty vests in the second room, along with the several guards on the bottom level. Bucky swallows thickly. This won't be enough to stop his brainwashed alter ego, should this fail. 

Suddenly the guards in the room are behind him. There's only three, but their presence is enough to make him walk to the chair in front of Ana, and sit down. He catches Ana's expression as she stares at the guards. Her mouth is pinched at the corners and the twitching muscle is back at her jaw.

"I think he knows how to sit properly, don't you?" She snips at them. 

They take a few steps back. When she continues to glare at them, they retreat to the other side of the room. Bucky would laugh, if he wasn't trying to fight how anxious he is.

"What's with the chair?" He decides to ask, hoping to make Ana cease her icy gaze. His hands squeeze the armrests. 

"Precautionary." She answers, turning her back to him and walking to the table.

"And the hidden restraints?"

"Precautionary."

"Annie..." Bucky warns quietly. "This isn't enough protection."

"I know. I won't be needing any protection."

An abrupt surge of warmth rises up from the pit of his stomach, curling around his heart. It makes his breath catch in his throat, and his pulse quicken. Apparently, the inexplicable trust is a two way street with them. It's mutual. It's....it's  _dangerous_. He says as much, eyes dropping to his left hand, the metal gleaming in the florescent light. Way too dangerous.

"I trust you." Ana states, finally turning around. She tucks something into the back of her pants, but he can't see what it is. 

"But I don't." Bucky mumbles.

She responds so casually, as if nothing will happen. As if she truly believes this will work and absolutely nothing will go wrong. He wants to have as much faith in himself as Ana does. Wants to believe as strongly as she does, but...this could go very  _wrong_. If this fails, and he, as the Winter Solider comes out, he could hurt her. Or worse...

"Bucky.” 

Ana's sharp voice pulls him out of his thoughts. She's a lot closer to his face than she was a second ago. At least the warmth of her eyes are back, and Bucky counts the little golden specks in them to calm himself. 

"Nothing will go wrong. I'm going to ask again. Are you sure you want to do this?"

He nods. His eyes break away from her gaze, scanning the lower level and the upper. Bucky counts at least ten guards. A tug close to his scalp draws his gaze back to Ana.

"Don't think I'm going to let you get away with calling me that name, by the way." She smiles, waving her hand behind her.

"It's a cute name." Bucky blurts out. Nerves. It's nerves. He has nothing to fear....except the possibility of killing her.

"Bleggh!" She scoffs. She turns to face the five guards along the walls of the room. "I won't be needing you all in here."

"Ana." Bucky warns again.

A guard steps up. "Our orders-"

"I requested only one of you. Those are  _my_ orders. He's not a rabid beast."

 _I'm worse,_ almost slips past Bucky's lips.

Instead he closes his eyes once more, practicing the breathing techniques Ana had taught him. He focuses on feeling instead of thinking. Focuses on the solid chair beneath him, of his fingers digging into the metal of the armrests. He focuses on the faint smell roses; a soft scent that captives his senses. 

Focuses on the lightest graze of delicate fingertips over his knuckles. Focuses on feeling Ana in his arms, hands turning red, holding her close to his chest as she slowly bleeds out-

Bucky’s eyes fly open and Ana is right there again. Safe and kind and way too beautiful to have the color of blood staining her skin. He sits forward, grabbing her wrist with the hand she was just touching.

"Please put the restraints on." Bucky begs, tightening his hold. Ana opens her mouth, but he's quick to continue. "I want to do this. I need to do this, but please restrain me. Please, Ana."

She sighs in defeat. "Alright." 

Ana breaks his hold to bend down, unhooking the leather belts from under the armrests. She goes about wrapping the them around his arms, buckling them in three places each. They're flimsy pieces of leather. He knows this. Ana knows this. Bucky knows that Ana knows that he knows this. He rolls his eyes up to the ceiling, fighting the smile trying to spread across his mouth.

"Annie..."

"You didn't specify what kind of restraints." She tells him flippantly. "I don't know about you, Bucky, but I'm not into that kinky shit."

Bucky's mouth drops open. A startled laugh escapes and echoes throughout the room. He watches Ana walk away, leaving him speechless, not for the first time. He doesn't know if it was her intention, but his nerves are suddenly much calmer. He's still watching her walk to the table, his eyes dropping from her relaxed shoulders to the sway of her curvy hips, and he quickly brings his gaze back up. 

She will probably be the death of him one day. Sharp, quick witted tongue, and a body that looks like she can kick some serious ass; strength in subtle muscles. All hidden in a warm heart and unbelievable faith and trust. Just like that, Bucky settles into the mood of what's about to happen.

"Ready?" Ana questions, turning to lean against the table, hands hidden behind her back.

Bucky nods. Inhales. Exhales.  
  
Ana's eyes flicker up to the viewing room for a moment, gives a half nod. She locks gazes with Bucky, before pulling a rather old journal from behind her back. It's smeared with dirt. Red, with a black solid star on the cover. Bucky takes in a sharp breath, hands clenching the arms of the chair. His heart rate kicks up several notches. It's the bane of his existence.

"Where the hell did you get that?" Bucky asks quietly.

"I haven't started yet, Bucky." Ana reminds him. She looks at the journal. "It's best in the hands of the people who want to help you, don't you think?Personally, I'd have burned it by now."

Bucky nods once more.

"Ready?" Ana repeats.

"One hundred percent." He whispers.

The time between his last confirmation and Ana finally opening the book is slow and long. Then;

 _"Zhelaniye."_  The first Russian word is spoken.

Bucky closes his eyes, shaking his head before letting it bang back against the chair. He can feel his lips trembling. Feels an all too familiar sharp zing shoot through his brain. Begins to see flashes of things he can't make out in his mind, gripping the armrests. He waits for the next word.

And waits.

And waits.

It doesn't come.

His pulse begins to return to normal, enough for him to finally open his eyes. Ana hasn't moved from her position, save for the journal that is closed and her arms crossed. She's staring at him curiously. Head tilted to the left slightly. Her right ankle is crossed over her left, leaning, almost relaxed against the table. Bucky frowns and waits some more. 

And waits. 

And waits. 

Almost has a longing for her to speak the next word. A longing to hear it, as if he has a longing to torture himself. A longing for the time before all of this happened; before fucking Hydra got a hold of him. A longing to just feel normal for once. A longing for Ana to see that it's all he wants. A longing to see himself as she apparently sees him. 

He internally startles himself.  _Whoa._

" _Rzhavyy_." Ana suddenly speaks.

Bucky tilts his head to the right, confused. "I don't think it works like that."

Ana smiles. "I have a theory."

"A theory." Bucky deadpans. For the first time in being in the room, he notices a clock on the wall behind Ana and above her head. Fifteen minutes have passed.

_"Semadtat."_

Bucky levels her with a look. Her lips twitch for a moment before she schools her expression. Something gleams in her eyes, but he's sitting too far back to figure what it might be.

"One that has already been proven correct." Ana informs him. She places the journal down and pushes herself off the table. "It's just a short one. Simple, but quite effective." 

She starts walking towards him, one hand behind her back. There's movement from the second room, the guards clearing out one by one, but they don't exit through the stairs to the right. It clicks in his mind that she must have given a signal for the all clear. Ana leans forward to unbuckle her version of restraints, not even tight enough to leave marks. Her subtle scent captivating his sense once more, and Bucky is relieved it stills smells like roses and not something metallic. He remains still, opting to watch her deft fingers undo the last of the buckles. They fall away with a slight clinking against the chair.

"That's it?" Bucky questions.

"That's it. For today." Ana answers, standing straight, placing her hands on her hips. She glances up at the clock. "I don't know about you, but its been two hours since I last had coffee and that's two hours too long." She holds her left hand out. "Care to join me?"

Bucky eyes her hands for a moment. The light catches on the faint, pale scarring on her wrist, ones he has yet to ask about. It's not important at the moment. What is though, is how Ana didn't push him further, and his mind is seemingly clear for the moment. He puts his right hand in her open one, allowing her to pull him up from the chair.

"Pretty sure excessive coffee consumption is unhealthy." He tells her, following her out of the room. She dropped his hand once he stood. He clenches his hand as if he’s trying to keep the warmth of her skin there. 

"Didn't I catch you eating out of the Nutella jar two nights ago?" Ana retorts, going through the door held open by the last guard.

Bucky watches as she pats the guards chest twice, who smiles shyly at her. He files it away for later. "That was your jar."

"That you ate half of!" She accuses. "Talk about unhealthy!"

He chuckles under his breath, eyes dropping for a moment. The wrong moment, because he suddenly bumps into Ana's back, who had stopped walking. He's a full head and a half taller than her, and he's hit with that floral scent once more. There are stray strands of caramel brown hair that escaped her braid and he has an urge to replace them. He doesn't, because Ana whirls around, pointing a- what she probably assumes is a threatening finger- close to his nose.

"Stop calling me Annie, otherwise I'll hide that jar." 

With that she walks away. It takes about ten second for Bucky to follow her.

****************************************************************************************************************************************************


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _“Tell me, how hasn’t your shirt ripped yet? Did you borrow that from Sam?”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Brinner = Breakfast for dinner. Thank you, Scrubs.

One. Two. Three. Four. Five.

_Counting is stupid._

Six. Seven.

_How does this help people fall asleep._

Eight. Nine.

_Will anyone eat a late night brinner if a late night brinner is made._

Ten.

Ana sighs audibly. She has been trying to fall asleep for the past hour, but her mind hasn’t shut off. She feels antsy, a nervous energy buzzing at her skin and she has no idea why. Her usual tea time talking session with Wanda was great, mainly chatting about if Wanda should change her hair color. Or if that guy at the local bakery Ana has connections with has asked Ana out yet. He hasn’t. Ana isn’t even sure if she would say yes.

Probably not, since she doesn’t really have the time to date. Plus, the guy’s eyes don’t shine like sapphires in the sun since his are green and not the deep blue she’s becoming very fond of. Ana shook her head, and ignored that thought. Blue eyes have always been a thing for her, so it’s not a big deal. Steve has blue eyes. So does Thor, and Max, and Clint, though she swears his eyes turn green at times. Her point being, blue eyes are common and it’s not a big deal.

So, their talk went fine. No nightmares haunting Wanda, no feelings of regret. In fact, she has been feeling really good the past few weeks. Even the last mission her, Natasha and Clint were called on went smoothly. Steve’s PTSD has dwindled down and he swears it’s because Ana and Sam have helped him through it over the years. Having Bucky around has been better for the Captain, and vice versa for Bucky in a way.

When Ana recounts the events of the day, all she can think about is Bucky’s first official Deprogramming Session. Ana herself was a little nervous, mainly because there is a lot riding on her shoulders with it. She was frustrated with people’s impatience, but she knew she couldn’t hold it off forever. She just wanted Bucky to feel like he was ready to try it. It went as smooth as it could go, and Ana couldn’t help the little swell of pride she had after they finished. The look of utter trust in his eyes meant the world to her.

The session went great. So, it just has to be pent up, nervous energy that’s keeping her from sleep. Maybe she accidentally took on other the agents feelings. Ana isn’t stupid. She sees the way some of them look at her; as if they detest her for being handed this task personally by Captain America. She knows the agents in the Psychological and Physiological Research Department might be a little jealous that Nick Fury was the one to give her the higher authority over them.

Ana knows some of the are jealous, some might feel threatened, some might even want to see her fail. Which is absolutely horrible and selfish because they aren’t thinking of the most important issue here. It’s healing Bucky Barnes, curing him of Hydra’s deprogramming. Instead, everyone just wants to climb up on the latter rather than genuinely help a good-heart person who has had the worst fucking cards forced on him.

Maybe it is that. Sometimes Ana can’t control her empathy, and she picks up on the emotions around her. It has been making her blood buzz, her skin prickle. Ana sits up because she can no longer pretend that sleep is coming any time soon. She listens to the rain pound against the roof, and knows that her quiet place is not an option for tonight. She doesn’t feel like watching a movie, or binge watching a show.

Instead, Ana gets off her bed, going to her dresser to grab workout clothes. It’s been a while since she fully worked out, and her weekly, one hour boxing session hasn’t been enough. She slips on a pair of sliver workout pants, and pulls a strappy back sports bra over her chest. After she finds the right shoes, she throws her long hair up in a ponytail and quietly leaves her room.

It’s just passed midnight, and sometimes people mull about the living facility, but that’s not the case tonight. The gloomy weather must make everyone more tired than usual, which means Ana might even have the gym to herself. She grabs a water bottle from the refrigerator, then heads down to the gym. Just as Ana suspected, the gym is empty.

She has her pick of any machine or free weights she wants, so she takes a moment to decided. She can’t just jump into lifting weights, which makes her choose the elliptical first. She picks the first one in the row of five, placing her bottle in the cup holder. She realizes she needs a towel, turning to get one from the cabinets. There are none. Which means no one has gotten around to restocking them. Ana goes to the women’s locker room instead. She finds two spare towels by the changing rooms. She grabs them and exits the room.

The second she passes by the men’s locker room, Ana crashes into a hard body. She stumbles back, dropping the towels, her hand flying to her chest. Her heart feels like it lodged itself in her throat, and it takes a few moments for Ana to know that she isn’t in danger. That she just literally ran into a person when she thought the gym was otherwise unoccupied.

_“Fuck."_

The curse is hissed out at the same time.

"You scared the shit out of me.” Ana breathes, grabbing Bucky’s arm for support. That was so unexpected.

Bucky wraps his fingers around her elbow to steady her. “You did too. You’re so fucking quiet!”

“Oh, my God, my heart won’t stop pounding.”

Bucky rolls his eyes. “What did you think I was?”

Ana ignores the question. “How did I even scared you? Don’t you have, like, super sonic hearing or something? Super menacing soldier and all. God, I think I’m having a heart attack.”

“I think you’re just a little dramatic, darling.”

Ana releases his arm in favor of bending down to pick up the two towels.

“Nice outfit.” Bucky states, a hint of amusement in his tone.

Slowly, Ana straightens. Completely forgetting she’s wearing a sports bra and no shirt, the band of her pants starting below her navel. She eyes Bucky, his outfit isn’t any better. While he isn’t shirtless, he might has well be. The tank top he has on is gray and very fitting, damp with sweat and clinging to each defined muscle of his torso like glue. She can clearly count six abs, his thick pectoral muscles almost stretching the material of the thin shirt. His shoulders board and leading to his biceps, bulging as he crosses his arms.

Briefly, Ana wonders how it’s fair that even his prosthetic arm can still match the defined size of his right arm. Even his goddamn sweat pants look a little tighter than usual. His thighs thick and solid under the black material. Despite his comment, there’s a pink tint to his cheeks, and his eyes stay determinedly locked on Ana’s.

“Tell me, how hasn’t your shirt ripped yet? Did you borrow that from Sam?” Ana quips.

Bucky licks his bottom lip and Ana has to pull her eyes away from the movement. “Why are you working out so late?” He chooses to ask instead.

“Pent up energy.” She shrugs, walking past him back to the machine. “You?”

Bucky doesn’t say anything, just follows her until she steps onto the elliptical. He wraps both hands around the support bar as Ana punches in her cardio settings. She finally looks at him, his eyebrows pinched forward slightly.

“Another nightmare?” Ana inquires.

“No.” He answers, shaking his head. “I was just up writing things down. Then I keep thinking about the session today. I felt like I couldn’t sleep so I came here.” He looks over his shoulder briefly. “Think I stole your punching bag.”

Ana follows his gaze, and she glares at the bag with hot pink athletic tape. The tape spells out: _Feisty Cuffs_

“Hawkeye thinks he’s funny.” She says flatly.

“I might have knocked it down…twice.”

“Really went for it, huh?”

Bucky turns his attention back to her. “Sorry.”

“Don’t worry about it. Are you done with training?”

He hesitates. “No.” He drawls out.

Ana chuckles. “Yes you are. It’s alright, Bucky. If you’re tired, you should sleep. It seems to be a rarity with you.”

“But you just got here.”

“You don’t have to stay. I’m a big girl, I can handle the spooky gym at night.”

“I like talking to you.” Bucky confesses quietly. He sounds shy.

“You do?” She can feel a small smile spread across her mouth.

“I really enjoy our talks. I think you really help me sort through this chaotic mess.” He taps his temple with his metal fingers.

Ana reaches out, grabbing his wrist. “Stop doing that.” She reprimands. “You’ll hurt yourself.”

“Not likely.”

Ana gives him a look.

“Fine. I’ll stop.”

“Thank you. Do you want to talk now? I don’t have to do this. I only came here because I wanted to burn energy.”

Bucky looks as if he is considering it. “You don’t have to. You’re always doing things for me, Ana. Don’t forget to do things for yourself.”

“Bucky.” Ana smiles at his kindness. “It’s past midnight, I do not need to workout right this instant. I really enjoy our talks too, I don’t mind. Plus, I do plenty of things for myself, you just don’t see them.”

“Like getting tattoos?” He inquires curiously.

He reaches out, tentatively pressing his thumb two inches under the band of her sports bra. His touch makes Ana startle, warm goosebumps breaking out all over her skin. Ana doesn’t really know when or how it happened, but their personal boundaries have shattered. She doesn’t think she minds all that much. Ana looks down at the two lines of elegant script inked along her right set of ribs.

“Spanish, right?” Bucky says, quickly pulling his thumb away from her skin.

“Yes.” Ana answers, “how many languages do you speak?”

“Seven…and a half.”

Ana laughs. “A half?”

“I can understand French, but I’m not very good at speaking it yet.”

Ana smirks mischievously. _“Voulez vous coucher avec moi ce soir?”_

Just as she expect, Bucky freezes. His blue eyes widen, then his mouth drops open and a blush creeps over his face. Ana bursts out laughing, nearly falling off the elliptical she’s still standing on. She bends over the bar, her laugh echoing loudly throughout the empty space.

“Oh, my God.” He breathes out, dumbfounded.

“I’m- oh, my God, your face!” Ana has tears in her eyes. “It’s…fuck..it’s a song!”

Bucky relaxes, rolling his eyes. “Of course it is. You little shit.”

His responses makes Ana laugh even harder, and Bucky ends up having to catch her so she doesn’t face plant into the floor.

***

 _“Familia donde la vida comienza y el amor nunca termina.”_ Ana speaks, the language flowing fluently from her lips. _“‘Family where life begins and love never ends’._ It’s a family phrase.”

It took ten minutes for Ana to finally cease all laughter. Bucky had guided her off the machine, sitting her down on the mat between the punching bags. Bucky quickly ran to the men’s locker room, having come back with a small leather notebook. It’s how they ended up sitting cross legged opposite each other, with Ana explaining her tattoo.

“The one on your foot?” Bucky asks, nudging her right shoe with his pencil.

“ _’Veni, Vidi, Vici’_. I came, I saw, I conquered.”

“The lotus flower?”

Ana smiles. “Lotus flowers are known for growing in muddy conditions. Here’s this little flower that defies all odds by growing and thriving in a place where it’s dark, cold, and murky. Where no one would expect for this beautiful thing to grow, to survive, to live. In some cultures it symbolizes purity. Purity of speech, the body and the mind.”

Bucky returns the smile, soft, kind. As if he doesn’t mind listening to her talk about something important. Then his eyebrows twitch down. “What’s happened in your life to make you get them?”

The question only catches her off guard by a little. She had been waiting, almost expecting for Bucky to finally inquire more about her life. She hasn’t kept it hidden from him, they just tend to talk about him more often than not. The important thing is Bucky and his healing process. Ana goes to push her fingers through her hair, only to remember her hair is up in a ponytail. Instead, she traces her fingertips along her collarbones, tapping her thumb twice against the left bone.

“Personal loss.” She answers softly.

Running his thumb along the worn pages of his notebook, Bucky drops his eyes briefly. He opens the notebook to a certain page, keeping his thumb against the binding to keep it open. He looks back up at her.

“Family?” He questions just as quiet. And nods. “I’m sorry.”

“I appreciate it, but don’t be. It was a while ago.” Ana shrugs, though it doesn’t stop the dull ache in her chest. “Parents, brother.”

A sad expression crosses Bucky’s face, turning his eyes darker. Ana just observes him as realization slowly comes over him. Realization that despite her positive demeanor all the time, she does have some darkness in her life. Everyone does. 

Ana nudges his knee. “C'mon, Winter Bunny, what’s the look for?”

Bucky frowns. “Are you…have you been alone in your life?”

Ana’s response is to deny that quickly, but the distant look in Bucky’s stormy blue eyes makes her swallow her words. He looks like he’s getting lost in a faded, fragmented memory, or memories. Belatedly, it clicks in her brains Bucky isn’t asking if she is physically alone, he was asking if she is lonely. If she has ever felt lonely in her life.

Sitting two feet across from her is the epitome of loneliness. Bucky may be a super soldier just over one hundred years old. He may have been surrounded by people, albeit horrendous, soulless disgusting people, for seventy years. However, Bucky Barnes has been alone for seven decades in his mind. In his heart. He has been lonely. Not knowing what was real, what was right or forced into his mind. Ana’s heart begins to ache differently.

She answers him honestly. “At times, yes. When someone you have constantly in your life is suddenly gone, all you feel is lonely. I would lay there at night, nothing but the silence to keep you company. It was crippling sometimes.”

Bucky huffs out through his nose. “I know that feeling.” He hands over his small notebook to the open page.

Ana takes it, their fingers brushing together. She keeps her eyes on Bucky as long as she can. He nods encouragingly; he is willing showing her something no one else knows. The meaning is heavy, full of genuine trust. It settles comfortably between them.

_Brother._

The word is scribbled in the middle of the page. Ana looks up quickly, but Bucky is staring down at his hands, wringing them together. Her eyes fall back down to the page.

_I had a family. I was the oldest child._

_~~Where are they?~~ _Gone._ _

__

There’s nothing else written on the two pages, so Ana slowly turns to the previous page. Bucky doesn’t protest, but he does inch forward until their knees are touching. The next page has more words, more phrases. Some underlined, some ending with question marks. 

_Who am I?_

_What is my name?_

_~~Winter So~~_

_Smithsonian- James Buchanan Barnes. Sergeant Barnes? 107th._

_ My name is Bucky. _

_Howling Commandos. Steve Rogers????_

_Bucky Barnes._

“Is this-?” Ana starts to say.

“I started writing all my thoughts, anything I started to remember, down in these notebooks. That’s why I carried that backpack around. It’s mainly filled with journals, and notebooks. I didn’t want to forget anything again.”

“You know you don’t have to show me this, right?” She looks up at him once more

“I know. I want to.” The sincerity in his voice makes her heart swell. Bucky reaches out to take her hand. “I trust you, Ana. In case you didn’t already know.”

Ana chuckles. She closes the notebook, pressing it into his hand. “Thank you for showing me. I trust you too, Bucky. Whether you like it or not. I trust you.”

********************************************


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **_Kintsukuroi_** **:** _“To repair with gold”The art of repairing pottery with gold or silver lacquer and understanding that the piece is more beautiful for having been broken._  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's short....*whispers* it's starrrttting....what's starting? idk. I just write things.
> 
> Enjoy!
> 
> (Also, I rewrote two paragraphs in chapter 8...)

  
The strange fluttering of Bucky’s heart in his chest hasn’t subsided for a few reasons. The first, being that he literally smacked into Ana. Even though she had been stealthily quiet, he thinks didn’t hear her because he was already preoccupied with other thoughts. Running into her didn’t scare him, more like startled him instead. 

However, he was not expecting her to be there, nor was he expecting for her to be nearly shirtless; the skin of her torso on display. The band of those ridiculous flashy, almost glittery, silver pants come up a few inches under her navel. Barely covered the swell of her hips; though the band did hide the scars on her hip and back. 

It was the fucking thing she called a… _sports_ bra, that really kick-started his heart. It was a simple black material that cut out in the back, the straps coming together to form an  _X_ , and other straps that made keyholes around her shoulder blades. The front of it was plain, though it did nothing to hide how… _blessed_ Ana’s chest is. Bucky had swallowed loudly, but Ana was too busy calming her own heart to hear. Honestly, if she started to run on that machine, he would have high-tailed it out of there. There has been the weirdest, burning feeling in his stomach lately.

The second reason that added to the abnormal heartbeat was Bucky finally gaining the courage to show her one of his notebooks. The one he had with him at the time was an older one, but he had grabbed it from his nightstand to add more to some older memories. He thought it might be silly, to carry around something like that, but he remembered that Ana had given him new ones. She had said writing down his thoughts would help him. Ana didn’t know how right she was at the time; that Bucky has been writing things down for the past two years.

He watched her face carefully as she had flipped through the pages. Pages upon pages of little phrases, sentences, and words that seemed jumbled and simple, but meant his whole world. It was how he started to piece himself back together after Washington D.C. It was an accident really, him starting to write things down. It was when he visited the World War II memorial in the Smithsonian Museum. He took little pamphlets and informational cards about Steve Rogers, and apparently himself at the time. 

It was when he was reading about himself, over and over and over again, did something flash in his brain. He quickly stole a pen sticking out of another visitors backpack, and jotted down something on the back of his own card. He had been so confused, so conflicted, that he just had to write it down. Bucky had passed through the gift shop, eyes falling on a little leather journal. It was blanket inside, no lines, no words. Just the Museums logo imprinted on the cover. He took it, and rewrote what he did on the card. He wrote his name.

As Bucky watched Ana’s expression, he noticed just how grateful she was that he was showing this part of himself. He has a whole slue of them in his room, and he has the abrupt need to show Ana every single one of them. He  _wants_ to show her every single one of them. Maybe she can help him unscramble them. Maybe she can help piece him back together, like she is already doing. Bucky was happy he was able to steel his nerves and show her.

Reason three makes his heart pound with sorrow. Learning a little more about Ana’s past, peeling back layers she hasn’t shown him yet. Bucky knows Ana isn’t deliberately hiding anything, he just hasn’t ask her about herself lately. They’ve been too busy focusing on him, that her own background just sat there. He hopes it’s the only type of sadness Ana has felt. 

The final reason why his heart keeps tapping an erratic beat is because currently, him and Ana are walking through the building, and Ana is wearing his jacket. Bucky offered it to her after he grabbed it from the locker room, insisting she wear it because Ana’s skin was covered in tiny goosebumps. She didn’t end up working out, which meant the cool air blowing through the vents just made her colder.

“Such a gentlemen.” Ana had teased lightly. Bucky tried fighting the warmth of his cheeks away. He would have been a real gentlemen if he actually put it on for her. He didn’t.

So, presently, Bucky is trying not to stare down at Ana as they walk towards their living quarters. He’s trying to ignore the way the jacket nearly encases her shoulders, the hem stopping mid thigh. Bucky has a board torso, wide set shoulders, defined pecks, and abdominal muscles. He needed to purchase one that fit him properly. Bucky adverts his eyes away from the zipper where Ana only zipped it up to cover the sports bra; just barely.

Bucky is only a weak human after all, and not for the first time, gives him to the thought that Ana is gorgeous. Her face, those eyes, her lips, those curves that he is sure people have died from just by touching them. He had heard the phrase  _killer curves_  before and never understood it until he met Ana. He loses out to the warmth of his cheeks. He forces himself to keep his eyes in front of him.

“How much can you lift?” Ana asks casually, breaking the silence. They are almost at the door.

“A ton.” Bucky answers flatly.

Ana continues walking several steps before she halts. Bucky stops walking as well.

“Was that…was that a  _pun_?”

Bucky smirks at her. He can be witty too.

“Oh my god, that was a pun!” Ana says gleefully. “I am so proud.”

“C'mon, darling. It’s past your bed time.” Bucky says, gently pushing her forward.

“Mine? Isn’t yours at seven? You like to go to bed early after your early bird special, don’t you?”

“I’m revoking my offer of the jacket.”

“Too late. You already offered and I accepted, now you can’t take it back. So, suck it up, Jon Snow.”

“That’s not an insult if I don’t get the reference.” He tells her. 

“Jon Snow is never an insult. Next TV show we binge will be that one. You’ll love it.”

Bucky unlocks the entrance to their build, typing in the key code and pressing his thumb to the scan pad. It’s amazing they trusted him with his own security code. He holds the door open for her. Once they reach the common lounge area, they are greeted by Barton, Vision and Wilson. They just came back from a mission, both Barton and Wilson looking exhausted. Ana grabs a tangerine from the fruit on the counter, throwing it at Barton. He looks to be sleeping already, but his hand quickly comes up to catch the fruit.

“You put tape on my punching bag, you Seagull.” Ana snips. “It’s not easy to peel off.”

“You stole my bow.” He responds dryly.

“Borrowed.” Ana rolls her eyes. “Do you need assessing?”

“Nah. All good.” Sam responds, waving her off. He notices what she’s wearing, quirking an eyebrow at Bucky. Something strange churns in his stomach.

“Good, I’m going to bed. Goodnight.” Ana waves at them.

Not wanting to stay and answer any questions Wilson might have, and now Barton who is also staring knowingly at him, Bucky follows Ana. She doesn’t say anything about him escorting her to her room, just continues to go down the hall. The rain is still pounding against the building, and it’s the loudest by the hidden latter to the roof. Their gym talk was nice, but Bucky prefers the serenity of the rooftop.

Ana unlocks her door from the outside, using a little pin she pulls from the inside of her shoe. She leaves the door open as an invitation for Bucky. It’s the first time he’s actually been inside it. The walls are a light blue, broken up by a bay window with dark curtains overlooking the woods. There are built in book shelves framing the window, filled with different variety of books and journals. The bench beneath the windows is cushioned with thick white pillows, with several throw pillows and blankets scattered along it.

Her bed sits just a few feet from the window, headboard pushed against the wall. Ana apparently sleep with four pillows but only two looked slept on. There’s another bookshelf next to the nightstand next to her next. The en-suite seem spacious as Ana goes in to turn the light on. Bucky observes the room, noting the lack of decorations on the walls. Just a few pictures of people in frames, and even few posters of famous landmarks. Something on the bookshelf catches his eyes.

Buckys further into the room, walking closer to the object until he is inches away. It looks like a piece of pottery, something old and valuable. It’s detailed with gold. He wonders what meaning it has to Ana. It looks to be the only other personal thing on display in her room.

“That’s a Kintsukuroi piece.” Ana informs from behind him. 

He turns to look at her. She has taken off his jacket, now wearing a loose blue t-shirt. “What is that?”

“The art of kintsukuroi? It’s a Japanese form of repairing.” She explains, not taking her eyes off him. “They take something that’s broken, that’s been tossed aside without a care, and they fix it. They see something beautiful within the broken fragments, and repair it with gold. They believe that the piece they repair is even more beautiful for having been broken.” 

Ana points at the gold lines. “It’s clearly been shattered. Sometimes when people repair things, they use the wrong type of glue, or they get impatient and put it back together all wrong. The Japanese use gold because even though there are cracks, the gold shows how beautiful it still is. That the piece was worth saving, worth fixing and in the end, it’s more beautiful than before.”

She smiles at him, and Bucky turns his eyes back to the bowl. It does seem beautiful. A grey-blue color that makes the gold binding stand out. He feels like there is something symbolic to it. Thinks maybe that’s why Ana hasn’t taken her eyes off him. He tries not to think about it too much.

“Was it a gift?” He asks.

“I found it, actually. I like finding the beauty in things like that.“

The soft tone of her voice causes Bucky to look at her once more. Her smile is still there, her eyes soft around the corners and she’s holding out his jacket. He gently takes it from her. His steel fingers graze against hers and Ana shivers.

"Thanks for letting me borrow it.” Ana says. Her eyes flickering past his shoulder.

“Jesus, these late night will be the death of me.”

Bucky follows her gaze. The digital clock reads fifteen pass two in the morning. “Please.” He says turning back around, “coffee runs in your veins. I’m sure of it.”

Ana tugs his hair gently. “You’re becoming just as bad as I am, Bucky. Go get some sleep.”

Bucky steps closer, staring down at her gold speckled eyes. She’s a little shorter than usual when she isn’t wearing her heeled boots. He can barely smell the hint of roses, hidden beneath his own scent on his jacket. That funny feeling stirs in his chest again. He can’t be too sure, maybe it was a trick of his own eyes, but he swears Ana’s breath catches in her throat. Probably not though.

“Goodnight, Annie.” He whispers, then walks pass her.  
  
Ana’s glare is burned into his eyelids as he drifts off to sleep that night.

***************************

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! I promise, the next chapters will be longer...


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Can you take your shirt off?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Language.(always) Panic attack. Scars. Unhealthy amounts of coffee 
> 
> A/N: I have decided...that this story has a mind of it’s own and it will be a monster. Just saying... :D

Ana decides to take three days off in a row, she informs Bucky. Apparently there's an important mission coming up and just to be prepared, Ana wants to be as ready for the team to come back as ever. It doesn't stop their movies nights or late night chit chats once the weather clears up.

That mission falls the night before the first day off. The Avengers come back, and Ana is gone for the majority of those three days. According to Natasha, there were some casualties and some of the members took it harder than others. Ana helps them and a few agents who were in the control room listening. Natasha explained to Bucky that it was a rouge Hydra agent, setting off several bombs in order to flush some of the Avengers out.

Fear seizes in Bucky's chest. Sweat prickles at his skin, dampens his shirt and roots of his hair. He feels his muscles spasm at his jaw. He clenches his metal hand and for a wild moment, Bucky maps out the best way to escape the kitchen. It's too open, he'd be too exposed if he runs through the patio and into the woods. The space between the house and trees is big enough to be gunned down. His best bet is the stairs to the roof. He could grab his backpack on the way, pull the stairs down and he would be out. Gone before anyone would realize it.

Bucky’s mind starts running a mile a minute, broken yet painful memories stabbing through his brain. He sees a chair, machines, guns pointed at him. He sees himself back in the controlled leash of Hydra, bidding him to do their horrific work once again. His chest constricts like it did whenever the electro-machine pressed roughly against his face. He grips onto something solid but all he can see is his hands griping the edges of the that chair.

Gentle hands enclose around his shaking fists. A delicate touch over his metal knuckles has him jerking it out of the grasp. The hand on his flesh one tightens, and the other is now pressed against his chest. Bucky didn't realized why his chest felt so tight was because he wasn't breathing properly.

He feels the air charge and change around him. Shifting from something dark and tainted to a lighter, brighter feel. He hears a muffled sound, but he can't make it out clearly. His head feeling like he has been submerged in water; or rather, in that cryostasis chamber. His mind begging, screaming not to go back into it. Only for him to comply, keep his mouth shut otherwise he would meet the backhands of the scientists.

The hand presses harder against his chest. He begins to feel the warmth of it through through his thin shirt. Can feel where the fingertips start and the palm ends. He can feel his knuckles popping from the tight grip. He feels the air shift around him again, and suddenly, Bucky can see golden dots. He sees nine of them, splattered in the fibers of warm brown eyes. He counts them mentally.

"-eath, Bucky." He hears. "Count. Breathe. You're safe here. Feel this. Come back to me."

Ana is directly in front of him. Her beautiful eyes wide, concerned, but determined and focused. There are worried lines etched on her face and they don't belong there. She shouldn't worry about him. She shouldn't look at him like that. Her hair is down, one wavy piece caught up in the corner of her eyelashes. Bucky carefully lifts his left hand, pushing the strand back behind her ear. He takes a deep breath.

"Hi." Bucky breathes out. Everything is clear now, his chest loose.

Ana gives him a small quirk of her lips. "Hi, yourself. Are you alright?"

Bucky nods. He didn't even realize he was having a panic attack. "Better."

Ana pushes a glass of water over to him. "Drink that when you can. Right now I just want you to breathe."

He nods again and does as he's told. Inhaling deeply, exhaling slowly.

"I'm so sorry." Natasha says somewhere to his right. Bucky looks over, seeing her and Steve. His friend looks like he's comforting her. "I thought he should know. I didn't think-"

"Nat, please." Ana gently interrupts her. She makes to move towards them, but Bucky grasp her hand. She doesn't look back, but she doesn't move forward. "It isn't your fault."

With his free hand, Bucky takes the glass and drinks most of the water. He puts it down, and its then he notices how pale Ana's skin is. Her fingers are trembling.

"You're not going to faint are you?" Bucky questions. He can hear how concerned his voice his.

Ana smiles at him over her shoulder. "No. I'm good. Worry about yourself, Sergeant Snowflake."

The use of the nickname makes him smile. He finishes off the water, and finally releases Ana. She stays put, Steve seeming to have control of whatever situation was happening. She doesn't stray far from him for the rest of the afternoon. Bucky finds that he appreciates it more than he thought.

***

Two.

That’s three.

Four. It has only been two hours after his panic attack and Bucky has counted four cups of coffee consumed by Ana already. Large ones, and two espresso shots. He’s seriously beginning to worry about her heart rate right now. There’s a slight tremble to her hands as she talks to Sam, and it takes longer for Ana to blink fully. Her eyelids languid and lashes flutter against her pale cheeks. Ana always has a nice natural tan to her skin, but the color just hasn't come back yet. There are dark circles under her eyes.

A little while later, Bucky apologizes to Ana as she's lounging on the couch, Ezra curled up in her lap. He tells her he knew she was helping everyone else, already stretching herself and abilities too thin. He didn't mean to add on to her burden, to make it worse. He feels guilty for her nearly passing out again. He feels gulity because when he pulled his arm back, he nearly smacked her in the face. He doesn't tell her that part though, he just opts to keep his left arm away from her the best he can.

"Bucky." Ana says flatly. "If I didn't have a cat currently on my lap I would dropkick you. So, instead-" She stretches her arm out, lazily swiping it through the air and pinching her fingers.

"What the hell are you trying to do?" Bucky can't keep the amusement out of his voice.

"Trying to pinch you but you're too far."

He actually laughs at that. It earns him a pillow in the chest.

"Ha." Ana says. She angles her head until she's staring at him upside down. "Seriously, though. Don't ever apologize for having a panic attack, Bucky. It's never your fault and you should never feel ashamed or guilty if you have one. Remember, I chose to help this team, none of what happens to me is anyone's fault. It's my ability and I will use it as often and as best as I can. Got it?"

"Yes, ma'am." He smirks.

Ana groans and throws another pillow at his head.

***

Four days have passed since that damn mission. Four days have passed since Bucky's abrupt panic attack. Four days have passed and Ana has finally caught up on sleep. Everything and everyone has gone back to as normal as they can get. It's been quiet, and the weather has been getting cooler. Ana appreciates it. She actually grabs a book to read, curling up on the couch. She hears voices coming from the open patio doors.

“Strange.”

“That’s what I said.”

Ana rolls her eyes in amusement. This has been going on for the half hour. She flips the page of her book.

“Have you guys ever seen 2001 Space Odyssey?” Ana calls over the couch. “There’s this scene with monkeys at the dawn of men going crazy over this device that appears. Funny how I just thought of it.”

"Aren't you reading?" Bucky calls back.

"Hard to concentrate with two dinosaurs marveling over technology."

She sees a movement from the corner of her eye, and she catches the plum that was thrown at her. She takes a bite out of it, throwing it back just to spite him. She hears him scoff but the fruit doesn't return. Ana snaps her book shut, getting up from the couch, grabbing the jar of Nutella from the cabinet and three spoons.

She makes her way outside, sitting on Steve's left. Ana slides the jar and one of the spoons over to Bucky. He catches it, quickly twisting the top off. She rolls her eyes at him. Instead, she decides to focus on what they were talking about. It's a phone. The brand new smart phone to be exact.

"You got a phone?" Ana questions raising her eyebrows.

Bucky nods with the spoon in his mouth. Ana swears he is an actual child most of the time. How were people terrified of this man when he acts like this. All the guards and agents that surround them in the lab wouldn't be so on edge if they saw this. Spoon hanging out of his mouth, his eyes wide and curious.

"Why is Steve teaching you how to use it?"

"Hey, I've gotten a handle on mine now." Steve frowns.

"It took you three months to fully understand it." Ana reminds him. "Let me see it." She hold her hand out.

"I already programmed your number in there." Steve smirks at her.

"It's under the name, Feisty Annie." Bucky states, taking the spoon out of his mouth. He grabs another one.

"I hate you and Hawkeye. I hope you know that."

Bucky just chuckles around another spoonful. Ana leans over to grab the phone. It's the same one as hers. The first thing she does is change the langue from English to French. Then she opens the notes and types out a phrase. She slides it back to Bucky. He glances down and nearly chokes on his spoon. Ana beams at him.

Steve hardly pays attention, use to their banter. "Don't you write to that pen pal of yours on the phone?"

"Telly? Yeah, when I'm away from the computer. We usually leave the heavier research side to the laptops. For everyday talk we use an app."

"Who's Telly?" Bucky inquires after he has recovered from the _Lady Marmalade lyric._

"A friend of mine I met on a forum board about technology advances that help aid physical and mental health. It's a really interesting website we met on. We talk about the different advances coming out, one of them being a new research development of a full functioning artificial knee. This would last much longer than what's already out on the market."

"Really, and that can help you?" Steve questions, interested.

"I hope so. The one Tony gave me is great and all, but he said it can only last up to five years and...well...I'm pushing eight."

"What's wrong with your knee?" Bucky asks, frowning.

"Horrible injury seven years ago. Tore my ACL and Mencius to the point where even surgery couldn't fully fix it. Eventually the cartilage wore out, completely gone. I would have had to use a brace from my knee to my thigh, and keep coming back for surgeries every two years, and shots every six months. Tony was nice enough to basically build me an artificial one. Or well, he was able to develop these little robotic pins and those act how the joints and everything else usually work."

"I didn't know that."

Ana winces. "Sorry. I sometimes forget, mainly because it feels like a normal one."

"Is that why you don't do field work?"

"Yep."

"You are a very interesting person, Ana." Bucky states.

"I'm taking that as a compliment."

Bucky smiles at her, sliding the Nutella over. "As you should."

***

"Samuel Wilson!" Ana shouts, running down the hall. "I swear to God if I find out you were the one that switched my CDs again I will- oof!"

The second time Ana smacks into a solid body is much harder than the first. There's an immediate dull pain in her arm, throbbing from the metal arm is literally ran into it. She opens her mouth to say something along the lines of despite being a super soldier Bucky has no grace. However, words die in her throat and she can't seem to close her mouth.

Bucky is shirtless. Shirtless. With every single defined muscle on display. Of their own accord, her eyes drift slowly down his body. From his shoulders, collarbones, to his abs that Ana swears were chiseled by Michealangelo at some point, to the cut of his hips. He shifts, and his muscles flutter. It makes Ana move her eyes back up, but just as languidly as before. She gets ready to meet Bucky's eyes, but her own halt at his left shoulder.

It's the first time she's fully seeing his prosthetic arm to the base. She's seen it whenever he has worn those tank tops, but seeing it now is different. There is pink scarring around the sight of where the metal port merges with the skin of his torso. Five distinctive jagged lines have marred his skin down to his left pectoral. 

Slowly, Ana lifts her hand, she doesn't want to touch, she just knows what scars can do to a person. She is suddenly thrown back to the day she got her won, and the memory makes her drop her hand. Finally, Ana meets his curious gaze. There's a moment that stills between them, then Ana blinks.

"Sorry!" Bucky says.

"Why are you walking around shirtless?" She asks, rubbing her shoulder.

"I was in my roo- why are you shouting?" He ends up questioning instead. "How's your shoulder?"

"It's fine. Sam switched my CDs with each other and now I don't know which is which. I mean, I'm pretty sure he did."

"You called me a pigeon!" Comes Sam's voice from down the hallway.

Bucky quirks his eyebrows up. "A pigeon?

Ana smiles innocently.

"You're such a troublemaker." He tells her.

"Am not." Ana disagrees. "Now, if you'll excuse me and your-" she gestures to his abs, "I must go hunt him down."

She doesn't stick around to see his expression, and she doesn't stick around more importantly so Bucky doesn't see her blushing cheeks. Ana doesn't understand it. She has seen plenty of men shirtless before, it comes with training and medical ward purposes. Somehow, this feels different.

***

"Can you take your shirt off?" Ana blurts out a day later.

"What?" Bucky asks, bewildered. His feels his face heating up. He remembers the other day, running out of his room to see what was happening.

They're up on the roof again, having decided to watch Wanda and Hawkeye do a version of training together. It consists of Wanda throwing pine cones in the air with her ability and Hawkeye firing his arrows. Steve had been out there first, gathering and chopping firewood for the winter months to come. There was a misfire, one of the pine cones flying too close to the water hose, and Clint's arrow ending up piercing both the cone and hose. It sprayed water all over Steve, opting him to take off his soaked shirt.

"I meant, oh God, not like that." Ana hides her face. "I meant, like. Okay. I'm so much more eloquent than this. I'm just going to ask. Can I see your scars please?"

His scars? The ugly scarring around the sight where the metal merges with his skin? Why would she even want to look at those? Maybe this will be the topper for her to finally run away. These scars that mark what was done to him. These scars that essentially give way to his metal arm that has done so many things...

Bucky has a hard time looking at those. He doesn't spend much time looking in a mirror anyway. Apparently, Bucky is taking too long to answer, for Ana peeks her eyes out between her fingers, gauging his reaction. Light, pale skin of her wrist catches in the sunlight, and Bucky has an idea. He swallows his anxiety for now, His burning curiosity winning out.

"If I show you my scars, can you tell me about yours?" Bucky questions nervously. He doesn't know how personal that question might be. "The ones on your hip as well?”

“Ah.” Her smile drops. “You saw those?”

“I have.”

“Well, I probably would’ve told you anyway. So, deal.” Ana kicks his booted foot with her own boot heeled foot. “What’s taking you?”

“Impatient.” He mutters, trying to get hold of his damn cheeks heating up again. He feels like it's been happening a lot around her. He doesn't fully understand it.

Bucky swallows the nervousness he feels as he grabs the hem of his shirt. He reminds himself that Ana technically has already seen them, and she didn't sneer at him with disgust. He pulls the shirt over and off his head, tangling his hands in the material to give him something to do. When he looks at Ana for her reaction, all he gets is a slight frown of her brows. She looks like she's contemplating something.

"They look like..." Ana starts, but her voice fades out.

She lifts her left hand hand, tentatively hovering her fingers, spread out, over each of the five defined lines. She knows. The tips of her fingers just barely graze over the scars, her delicate touch lingering. Bucky suppresses a shiver; the breeze is just cooler today.

"It's one of the clearest things I remember now." Bucky informs her. "Before they started brainwashing me. I can still feel the pain when they cut my arm. Can still feel every one of my nerves on fucking fire when they attached each chord to my shoulder. I remember waking up, feeling this unfathomable itch, this foreign weight. I would scratch and claw at it. I guess it was my skin healing around the base of it. I wanted it off, I knew they only gave it to me to be a weapon. So, I tried clawing it off every night, ended up with those scars."

Ana drops her hand. "Jesus." She mutters. Her face in pinched as if she can feel the physically painful memories. Her brows are knitted together again, and the corners of her mouth are tilted down.

"What's with that look, Darling? It was forever ago."

"You didn't deserve any of that."

Bucky doesn't see any judgement in her eyes. No look of disgust, or even pity. He untangles his right hand from the shirt and touches his own scars. It's a constant reminder of so many things. He ignores them, deciding to focus the attention on Ana instead.

"How did you acquire the ones on your wrist, and back? If it's okay that I ask." Bucky says. He doesn't want to pry if Ana really isn't comfortable with telling him.

Ana holds her left wrist out. "A knife." She answers casually.

"A knife did that?"

"I was attacked by a knife, a big one. Caught me there." Her eyes drop to his thumb tracing the jagged scars. "And my hip. Stab wound as well."

Bucky blinks in shock. Who the fuck would attack this woman with a knife. It also means the scar from her hip to her back is from a knife as well. He gently wraps his fingers around her forearm, inspecting the scars closer. "Fuck, a knife? How-"

"I tried to get away, wasn't fast enough." She answers, shrugging.

"Didn't nick any veins, the artery?" He questions. The scars are way too deep not to have been damaging.

"This one was almost deep enough to cut the radial artery. Doctor said it was a millimeter from it. As for my hip and back. It was deep enough to slice through two inches of muscles." Ana clears her throat. "Almost didn't survive the night."

Bucky shakes his head against the abrupt imagines of Ana lying in a hospital bed. Bandaged, pale from major blood loss. Stitched up with thread probably over a hundred times. He swallows thickly. His stomach is churning with the thought of someone heartless enough to attack her. It's a sudden reminder that at any point of Bucky's Deprogramming, he could be triggered, and so the same exact thing. Slowly, he releases her wrist, keeps his hands firmly on his knees, tangled in the shirt again.

"What happened?" He whispers, his curiosity burning.

A quiet double dinging sound emits from Ana's pocket. She pulls out her phone, glancing at the screen. "Another story of another day. Shit." Ana curses, standing up. She winces.

"What?"

She shows him her phone, an angry text message displayed on the screen. "Tony found out I didn't wear the bracelet. Oh well." She shrugs.

Bucky just rolls his eyes at her. The scars momentarily forgotten. 

******************************************************************************


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Language. Mentions of past violence and brainwashing. Self loathing/doubt. Mentions of nightmares. 
> 
>  
> 
> _“They have stolen the heart from inside you_  
>  _But this does not define you”_

It's raining again. Just a light drizzle for now, but it makes the florescent lights in the lab look brighter. Ana watches what she can see of the light drops racing down the outside windows. She usually loves watching it, something always calming about the sound. She never really associated with this type of weather being gloomy. She still can't shake the buzz of energy from her skin though.

It doesn't feel off, necessarily, more like...dubious. It's not the first time Ana thought of that word, of it's meaning. Nor is it the first time she has felt it around the compound; it's uncomfortable thickness caressing her skin. Sometimes she hates her ability of being an Energy Alchemist and Empathetic Healer. Sometimes she can't even place what type of energy emits from the air around her. Recently, it has been happening a lot. For the past two months almost.

Ana just wanted to stay in bed today. The rain always lulls her back into a good sleep, but she forced herself to up, got ready, and went to the lab. She got there before Bucky did, as she usually does, opting to leave him to whatever his morning routine is. She had made a different drink for the morning, mixing her coffee and hot chocolate together. When Bucky had strolled in, looking weary, she handed him the mug.

He hasn't said much since then. Just occasionally taking small sips from his cup, not even commenting on the coffee-cocoa mix. Ana folded her left leg under her thighs, stretching her right leg out, propping her heel next to Bucky's leg. The weather makes her knee ache, rubbing the joint to soothe it, internally cursing having a bad knee at the age of 29 now. She refocuses on the stoic man in front of her.

Bucky is unusually quiet this morning. Ana knows the energy is coming from him, and she gnaws on her bottom lip in worry. Even on his first day he wasn't this silent. He usually greets her, or teases her about the coffee, or makes a smartass comment. Over the two months Ana has gotten to know Bucky, he is rather sarcastic and witty himself when he wants to be. Ana figures it's him rediscovering who he is, and slowly coming out of his shell. At least around her, and a few select people.

Right then, Max passes by, shoving his fingers through Ana's hair. He continues walking, trailing his arm behind him, letting her long hair flow through his fingers until he's too far away. It's a friendly show of affection, Max at times able to know when Ana can really feel the energy of the day. She rolls her eyes knowing her can’t see, but when her eyes land back on Bucky, his own quickly advert from hers.

There's a hard set to his mouth, the corners of his lips tilted down. His eyebrows are pinched together in a frown. Ana notices his jaw clenching, probably grinding his teeth together. He doesn't look angry, just conflicted. A light mechanical whirling noises breaks the silence, Ana's eyes falling to his left arm. His hand is clenched in a fist, turning his forearm back and forth, the metal slates shifting. He opens his hand, finds something to pick at on his jean, and pulls. A thread comes loose. He stares at it for a moment, then flicks it aside carelessly.

There is it. Ana pinpoints the feeling now. She sees it laced within his eyes, nearly drowning in the blue of his irises. Self doubt. She has seen it plenty of times before, but for some reason, this morning feels different. She doesn't want to push him unless he is ready to talk, and normally Ana wouldn't do so. Today, it looks like he might need it, and Ana knows Bucky is anything but fragile and doesn't want to be treated like so.

Ana nudges her boot against his right thigh. "I don't want to ruin your street cred," She begins, "brooding and all, but your energy is so thick it's making my coffee taste bad."

It barely pulls a reaction out of him. Bucky inhales slowly, and exhales the same. His eyes shift over to her, the slightest hint of mirth gleaming in them.

"Your coffee never tastes bad." He says. His voice is soft, yet rough around the edges from whatever he was lost in thought about.

Ana skips straight to it. "Did you have nightmares?"

Bucky nods, placing his mug on the desk. "Realistic ones. Almost like I was reliving memories."

Frowning, Ana asks, "Why don't you come get me when that happens, Bucky? It's what I'm here for."

That same self-deprecating smile is back. Ana hates it. It makes her stomach clench in anger because Bucky shouldn't be hating on himself.

"Don't want to burden you." He mumbles.

Ana slips her foot off the desk, letting the heel fall heavily to the floor with a smack. Bucky raises an eyebrow in question. Ana put her own mug on the surface, sits up and crosses her arms, because no. She makes direct eye contact with Bucky, and to his credit, he doesn't cave.

"Fuck that." Ana states firmly, voice hard.

Bucky blinks.

"Seriously. That is bullshit and you know it. You aren't a burden. Talking about your nightmares, or anything you want to talk about really, is never a burden. Let's get this straight, Barnes. Do not think you are a burden to me ever again, got it? Because it won't be pretty and I don't take lightly my friends thinking that about themselves."

A beat passes. Then, "You are feisty."

Ana glares at him. Bucky sighs, shoving his hand roughly through his hair. He moves it to scratch at the scruff along his jaw. Finally, he drops his hand only to twist both of his hands together.

"They're horrible, Ana." He confesses quietly.

"I just don't want them to consume you." She tells him, softening her voice. "That's taking a step back."

Bucky lowers his eyes to his hands, as if he can't physically look at her as he talks. "I had several of them, all night. I woke up, did the grounding thing you told me, but each time I went back to sleep." He shakes his head. "It was like I had fallen into their grasp again. I have done horrific things, Ana. Things I never want you to find out about because I know you'll run away, never look back. Realize you have been working with a monster, something that only lives in nightmares."

Ana tries to keep her heart from breaking at his words. "Apparently you don't know me well enough. Shame, I thought we were getting along swimmingly." She says flatly. "I'm not running. Bad for my knee."

A humorless chuckle comes from Bucky's mouth.

"I am not running, Bucky." She repeats.

"Maybe."

Ana unfolds her arms. "You know you can talk to me."

Bucky nods, taking a breath as if he's bracing himself. "It was like the nightmares played back a movie. Nothing but scenes of me...hurting people. Killing them, destroying lives. Without even blinking. Without even stopping to wash these goddamn hands of their blood." He holds his hands out, staring down at them. "The weapons I've held. The grenades I've thrown. The triggers I've pulled. The necks I've-"

His voice breaks, and he stops speaking for a moment. Ana remains silent, letting him gather himself. She doesn't miss the way his eyes glisten. Or how he swallows and Ana can tell how hard it must be going down. She wishes she had the power to just stop his nightmares all together. Bucky takes a few deep breaths again, dropping his hands to his thighs.

“Steve believes I didn’t do any of it. He keeps telling me that." He continues quietly. "That it wasn’t me." 

A frown comes over his face. "I think some small piece of me was awake, watching. As if I was trapped in my own body. I’d struggle to break free, but no matter how hard I tried, I lost. What does it matter if I was forced to do something, when it was still me? It's my fault. All of it."

He looks so broken. Ana's heart aches painfully in her chest. She can't even begin to imagine what his brain is trying to process. She wants so bad to just reach out and hug him. To comfort him in a way she hasn’t yet. She doesn’t know if she can. 

“Alright." Ana begins. She hopes her approach with help Bucky see it differently. "Let’s try reversing the situation then. In this case, you’re me and I’m you."

Bucky quirks an eyebrow.

"You, James Barnes, grow up, find yourself in the middle of SHIELD, helping agents, guards, the Avengers and anyone else. I grow up, find myself fighting a World War because I want to serve and fight for my country. Suddenly, I wake up and I’m captured, tortured, brainwashed and made to be a weapon for the enemy for their convenience."

Bucky inhales sharply. Ana continues.

"They’ve built me to control me, control my mind. Made to do their dirty work. I only know one thing and those are my orders to comply. To kill, capture, destroy. The moment I start to wake up is the moment they start again. They fill me with false information, sending me out like a beast for the hunt.” Ana pauses for a moment, leaning forward. “Tell me, is it my fault that I did those things beyond my control, that I wasn’t consciously acting out orders?”

He remains silent for several long moments. Finally, Bucky shakes his head.

“Alright." Ana says putting conviction in her voice. "I’m telling you the same thing. Everything that happened, everything they made you do. Was  _not_ your fault, Bucky. They had complete control of your mind and actions.”

Bucky breaks eyes contact, his lower lip quivers just slightly. Ana can feel the guilt radiating off him. "Then how come I remember some of them? At night. At least, I think that’s what it is. Some of the nightmares are of missions I don’t remember. Isn’t that my subconscious reminding me that I did do it? So, in a way, I do remember.”

Considering this, Ana says, “Are you saying, because you remember some of it in your dreams. That if you did have a choice, if they didn’t control you, you would have still done it? Go out and destroy people’s lives, as you say? Because I'm having a really hard time believing that.”

Bucky doesn't respond. His throat bobs, his jaw clenches, and his eyebrows twitch down. He doesn't speak.

“Listen to me, okay?" Ana says softly. "There are horrible, soulless people out there, who don’t even blink at the acts they do, because they  _want_ to do it. They make their monstrous choices out of their own freewill, and that.  _That,_ is thedifference between them and you. You had no choice, Bucky.  ****You had the very thing all humans are given from God himself, stolen from you. Free will."

Bucky's stormy blue eyes snap to hers.

"Hydra stole your free will. They took it, and destroyed it with their machines and experiments. Filled your head with false information and claims. Consciously, whatever they made you do, was not you.  Again, would you have freely and willingly carried out every mission they gave you?"

They stare at each other. The deep set frown on his face makes Ana's hands twitch to comfort him. She keeps them steady on her knees though, carefully analyzing any minuscules expression on his stoic face. Ana keeps her own open, calm, but determined for him understand, if even for a tiny moment.

Then, Bucky moves his head side to side. "No."

He doesn't take his eyes off her, staring at her almost like he’s in awe. His eyes shift back and forth, like he's trying to uncover something hidden within Ana's own. She doesn't know what he ends up finding, she just knows that something changes in his.

“You are very adamant about this.” Bucky states.

“Of course I am.”

He sighs, long and tired. “You may be right. You probably are right. I still feel this crushing guilt and regret inside me though.”

Ana takes a moment to consider that too. "I think, because you have those feelings, is what makes you, you. I think you have been fighting back for decades. It didn't take them a day to break your spirit. According to the file Natasha gave me, it took them nearly twenty years to do so."

"What!?" Bucky sounds aghast. "Twenty years?" 

He pauses like he suddenly remembered something. Realization dawns on is face. "I wrote that down. I've been trying to piece together a timeline and...that makes sense. I wrote that down."

Ana smiles, despite the air around them. She gives in to the urge of her hands, places both gently on his hands. She provides just enough pressure to convey comfort, but also to let him know how vehemently she believes this next part.

"That is  _you_ , Bucky. You have been fighting them tooth and nail for years, and you are still fighting it. I haven't known you for very long, but the first thing I saw in you, was the fight in your eyes. This right here," Ana takes her hand way to gesture between them, "is the strength on your own free will. This is what you are fighting for. Yourself."

“You said you feel guilt and regret and that’s fine." She tells him carefully. "We don’t have to tackle everything at once. I just hope one day soon, that you’ll stop blaming yourself. You never asked for that. I don't care how long it takes me to convince you otherwise, but I will tell you every single day if I have to, that it wasn't your fault.

“I don't know if you believe what I'm saying now, or even if you'll believe it soon, but I'll tell you this one time. I believe it. Because I refuse to see you as the person, sitting in front of me now, going out there and shoving a knife in someone's head because you felt like it."

Ana takes breath to calm herself. She knows she can get overly passionate. "If you don't believe it yourself, then allow me to believe it for you."

They haven't broken eye contact this entire time. Ana sees something shift between the blue fibers of his irises. He blinks slowly, and like an afterthought, his tongue darts out to wet his bottom lip. His frown has slowly morphed from deep contemplation to light perplexity.

"How," Bucky begins slowly, voice low as if he's unsure to voice his words, "do you believe in me so much?"

"You are a good person, Bucky." Ana tells him with conviction. "That's something you need to start believing in as well."

Bucky squeezes her hands, and it’s only then does Ana remember she’s still holding them. Something tingles along her skin, settles into her bones. Feels just as intense as the way Bucky is staring at her. The energy surrounding her feels electric, no longer muddled and heavy with Bucky's guilt, his doubt. At the moment, Ana can't tell if she is actually changing it around, or if this new energy is emitting from Bucky himself. Either way, it feels much warmer than before.

After what seems like the longest time, but probably just a few minutes, Bucky slowly brings her right hand to his chest. Ana feels the steady rhythm of his heart, beating just a smidge above abnormal. Briefly, she wonders how fast it was beating earlier, if Bucky's self loathing and anxiety were making it go into overdrive. It's never fun to wake from night terrors; or to believe everything is his fault.

"I try to remember what you told me the first time, Ana." Bucky speaks, his voice just a whisper now. "To feel around me. It's hard. It's hard to pull myself out of the confines of my own mind. But you, Annie, you are the one who helps me be able to do it. You're helping me."

Ana tries to calculate her breathing as Bucky's eyes fall shut. He continues, "I feel it right now. Your energy."

"My- _my_ energy?" Ana asks confused, because that's new.

"I'm not stealing you thunder, sweetheart." He quips, the tiniest smile breaking across his lips. "I can just feel the air change around me." Bucky slowly opens his eyes, and the steel blue of them pins Ana to the spot. "That was you this entire time."

Slowly, with a muddled brain, Ana nods. They are so intensely focused on each other, just several inches apart, that when a clack of thunder echoes outside, they both jump. Ana's hands go flying to her chest, startled out of her skin. Bucky looks like he just woke from a trance of some sort, blinking radially several times. The thunder breaks the mood. They make eye contact again and both laugh. Bucky grabs his mug, taking a long sip.

"You mixed hot cocoa and coffee together?" Bucky asks after lowering the cup, and licking his upper lip.

Ana ignores the strange twist in her stomach. They were just startled out of a deep, profound conversation. "Finally! Here I thought my skills went unnoticed."

"What if you put Nutella in it instead?"

"This," Ana starts, patting his knee, "is why we are officially friends."

"We weren't before?" Bucky frowns pitifully. "I'm hurt."

Ana rolls her eyes, pulling the bottom drawer of her desk open, taking out a white paper bag. "Scone?"

"You had those the whole time?" He deadpans.

She opens the bag and peers inside. "Chocolate chip, blueberry lemon or orange?"

"Chocolate chip, please."

"Dammit." She mumbles, giving him the scone.

Bucky breaks it in half, giving her the bigger piece. After that, the rest of the day is lighter, and the heavy energy dissipates.

***********************************************************************************

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whew.


	14. Chapter 14

Bucky finds himself walking past the door of the lab again, after Steve had pulled him aside after him and Ana were done. Steve brought him along the car garage to show him a new motorcycle Clint had brought in. Apparently finding it on the side of the road, for free. Bucky didn’t ask questions.The door is ajar and the lights off. He stops short. Something had moved and that’s strange because no one is there. He turns back, poking his head through the opening.

Ana is sitting in the dark, the light of the computer screen illuminating her face. She’s holding her chin in her hand, the corners of her mouth pulled into a frown. He wonders briefly what’s she’s doing in the dark, when he hears a quiet sniff. Ana moves her hand to wipe under her eye, and he realizes with a jolt that she’s crying.

That’s...that’s worrisome. Bucky hasn’t seen Ana anything but happy, if a little sassy at times, but happy and positive all the same. Watching her in the dark like this, as she wipes away another tear is gut wrenching. He doesn’t think tears should belong on a face that’s usually so chipper.

He wonders if something happened during the day. If someone had said something to upset her, to hurt her. A surge of protectiveness rises in him, curling around his chest. It’s then that Ana lets out a sob, the sound loud in the empty room. She drops her head in her hands, her shoulders shaking.

Bucky has to know idea what happened. He has to know why she is breaking down by herself. She shouldn’t have to be alone, she shouldn’t even be crying. She seemed completely fine two hours ago when they parted.

Then it hits him like a cinder block to his face. Ana is alone because she doesn’t want anyone to know. Doesn’t want anyone to see the front that she puts up is breaking. That maybe things do get under her skin, takes a toll on her and she just pushes it down until she can’t anymore.

Her sobs are stabbing straight through his chest, and Bucky wants to go over there and...what? Offer his metal should to cry on? Place comforting hands on her shoulders so they stop shaking? Offer her tea? He doesn’t know. He wants to comfort her, but he doesn’t know what to do. He’s about to step into the room anyway, but Ana abruptly stops crying. 

As if she has an off switch and kicked it, pulling herself together. She stands up, wipes her eyes once more, clearing her throat. Then she’s walking away to the other side of the room, up the stairs to the second level and disappears behind the door. She doesn’t come back out.

***

Twenty minutes have passed. Just twenty. That's how long Bucky's resolve lasted for, before he finally decided to look for Ana. Since it isn't raining, he goes straight to the roof access ladder. He isn't surprised in the slightest once he gets to the roof. He is a little startled that Ana is sitting on the ledge, legs dangling over the wall, throwing something out into the air.

Bucky calms his heart a little, knowing that Ana won't accidentally tumble over. He makes his way over to her, sitting next to her on the ledge. Upon a closer look, he sees that she is throwing little pebbles, hitting a tree stump on the ground 150 feet below. It's a good distance, but she hits the mark every time.

“It’s all about the arch." Ana speaks, throwing another.

"Are you alright?" Bucky questions. He searches her face for any lingering sadness. Ana frowns in confusion. "I saw you. Earlier. You were crying."

Ana schools her expression into a neutral one. She takes a minute to respond. “You how how some times you said you feel overwhelmed being here? Well, I just got a little overwhelmed myself, cried a bit, then I was fine. It’s no big deal.” She picks up another rock.

“Why do you do that?”

“Do what, throw rocks? It’s fun. Cathartic.”

“Why do you hide your sadness from other people?”

The rock Ana just threw misses the tree stump, it’s the first one she has missed so far. She looks at him. “You think I’m sad?”

“I do, and you try hiding it.” Bucky calls her out.

“I’m not sad.”

“You were sobbing, Ana.” He admits softly. “You were shaking, and the minute I was going to go over, you stopped. You barely allowed yourself to feel sad.”

“I have a guess.” Bucky continues. “You’ve said it before, that you have helped everyone. You seem to be this constant source of positivity, of hope and around here that can be sparse. Agents or whichever Avenger at the time goes out and comes back and you help them cope with whatever happened. You told me you have trouble sleeping when the energy is off. I think you are more connected to people’s energy and you take too much onto yourself. You listen to anyone who talks to you and that has to be wearing on you.

“I think...you hide it because you don’t want anyone to see you as anything other than strong. You think you’re the backbone of this whole place. Be strong for and care for everyone other than yourself.”

“That’s quite perceptive of you.” Ana tells him, voice small.

“I watch people and I watch you. I’ve picked up on some things. You’re not the only one who can read people. Like that,” Bucky points to her jaw. “Your muscle twitches in your jaw when you’re annoyed or trying to hold something back.”

“I’m not annoyed.” Ana pouts, throwing another rock into the air.

“Yes you are.” Bucky huffs a small chuckle under his breath. “I’m pressing, sorry. Whether I’m right or not, that you hide it. I just want you to know that...um- it’s a two way street between us, as you would say. You don’t need to keep that mask of yours on around me either, Ana. It’s not like I have friends to tell anyway.”

Ana reaches over and tugs on the bottom of his hair. “Stop that. Throw a rock.”

Bucky takes the pebble from her. "You have good aim."

A little smirk pulls the left corner of her mouth up. As if she knows something he doesn't yet. "You could say that."

Bucky pulls his eyes away from her, looking out over the ledge to the tree stump. He raises his arm, then flicks his wrist forward. The pebble soars through the air, hitting the middle of the stump. When he looks back at her, Ana isn't looking back. 

Instead, her fingers trace over her collarbones, tapping her thumb twice. She bites her lip for a moment, looking as if she wants to tell him something. She seems to make her decision, snapping her brown eyes to his blue ones.

“Yesterday was my brother’s birthday. It’s been a long time, but it’s always rough on this day." She tells him quietly. She shrugs. "I guess that's why I've been feeling rather...overly emotional? Everything just sort of jumbled together. It caught up to me."

"It's not overly emotional, Ana." He frowns. He doesn't like her saying that, making it sense like it's  bad thing for her to do. "You can let things get to you. Or is that just what you tell me?"

Ana flicks a pebble at his left arm. She smiles. "No, you're right. People don't usually catch me. You did."

Bucky taps his temple with his right index finger. "Perceptive. Will you be alright, though?"

"I'll be fine, Winter Snowman."

Bucky leers at the new nickname. Ana laughs, and it's so much better than hearing her cry.

***

"Oh God, no. No. Seriously?"

Bucky peers over Ana's shoulder the next day, simultaneously inhaling her whatever shampoo she uses; it’s where the rose scent comes from. Her hair is down today, still damp from a morning shower, and falling in soft waves around her shoulders. He refocuses on what has got Ana rather annoyed, noticed the empty container that used to hold coffee grounds.

Bucky hums. "That's a dilemma."

Ana drops her head back to her shoulders, pushing out a huff of air. The angle makes them have direct eye contact. Bucky has to bite his tongue to keep from laughing at her exasperated expression. She narrows her brown eyes at him as if she knows he's trying not to be amused. She picks her head back up.

"Guess I'll get to the cafe to get more." She says. "Don't want to walk all the way back home to get mine."

"Depends on how dire your caffeine need is."

Ana opens her mouth to answer, when Agent Jared Sharp suddenly walks up to them. He's holding a file, nearly smacking it against Ana's chest, and completely ignoring Bucky. He sees her muscles twitch in her jaw, and temple, signs that she is agitated for real this time. She takes the file to open it. She scans it quickly then sighs.

"Guess coffee will wait." She mutters. To Bucky she says, "I have to go take of something real quick. I'll be back in a half hour."

"I can refill the coffee." He offers, having a sudden urge in him to make her smile. "Just tell me where it is again?"

It works. Ana gives him a tiny smile. "Take the elevator up two floors. Turn left and it's the second door on your right." She pats his arm. "Thanks, Buck!"

The nickname apparently just slips from Ana's mouth. It's a name only Steve calls him by, one from their shared passed when they were just kids. It's a name associate with all sorts of memories; good, bad and in between. He finds he doesn't mind Ana calling him by it.

He watches her walk away with Agent Sharp in the opposite direction. Bucky leaves once Ana is out of his sight, and heads towards the elevators. He follows the directions given to him, and within five minutes, he's in the little brake room cafe. The light chatter that filled the room stops when Bucky walks in.

It's an occurrence that he has gotten used to. His off putting presence makes people apprehensive. He gets it, he understands. It doesn't stop the slight sting knowing that people will always see him as an infamous assassin. He understands, he has destroyed full scale air crafts, has killed people near and far, and has destroyed peoples lives. 

Bucky inhales slowly, his stomach clenching in knots when he see everyone's eyes on him. Breathing out slowly, he shifts his eyes from the nearest table, searching for the cabinets. He spots them, making his way over to them quickly. Thankfully everything is labelled, so the hunt for fresh coffee is easy to find. He's carefully moving aside different brands until he finds the one they keep in the lab. His hand closes around the craved in handle, when he feels something behind him. He spins quickly, container in hand, coming face to face with a woman. Women. Two women.

"Hello." One of the says brightly. She's got black hair with green eyes, her lips shiny as she smiles at him.

Bucky feels slightly confused. This is the first time someone outside of Ana or the Avengers have spoken to him. He clears his throat, not quiet knowing what to say.

"Uh- hi?" He responds, pressing his lower back into the edge of the counter.

"I'm Alyssa." She says, holding out a hand. Bucky doesn't take it.

"Brie." The other woman speaks up. She has dirty blonde hair and dark brown eyes that don't match the warmth of Ana's.

"You're James Barnes, yes?" Alyssa questions, slowly dropping her hand once she realizes she won't get a handshake.

Bucky just nods.

"Well, I know you're still pretty new around here. This is the first time I'm seeing you up here. We could give you a tour around the place if you'd like. We don't mind."

Bucky shifts his eyes over Brie. She smiles strangely at him, a smile he can't place what it means. She eyes him up and down, and her gaze begins to make him a little uncomfortable. He slowly slides against the counter until he can slip passed them, putting personal space between them.

"I already know my way around." He states. His own voice sounds flat, guarded.

"Oh, well. How about we get to know each other over drinks then?" Brie asks instead. "We both know how tough it can be to make new acquaintances." She lifts her hand as if she's going to touch his arm.

Bucky takes a step back, moving the coffee container over his forearm. He hears a quiet snap, quickly looking down at his hand, where his metal fingers are gripping the handle too hard. He grinds his teeth together, skeptical about why these girls are asking him to get drinks. There are drinks in the refrigerator behind them, and a water cooler next to it.

"Or coffee." Alyssa pipes in. "If drinks aren't your thing."

"I don't like coffee." He lies. He doesn't know why.

The women giggle. "Is that why you're holding it, Sergeant?"

"It's for me." A third voice says from Bucky's left. When Bucky looks over, Agent Sharon Carter is standing next to him. She takes the container from his hand, offering a friendly smile to the women.

"Thanks for getting it, Barnes." Sharon addresses him. "However, you're going to late for that meeting with Captain Rogers. I suggest we get going."

She gives him a subtle look. Bucky takes the hint gratefully. "Right. The meeting."

"Malone, Anderson. Pleasure talking to you." Sharon says, bidding them farewell.

Sharon spins on her feet, walking out of the room. He quickly follows her without saying a word to the women. They don't speak to each other until they get inside the elevator, the doors sliding shut. Bucky puffs out a sigh of relief, shoving his right hand into his hair, pushing it back.

"You look like you were in a tight spot there, Bucky." Sharon informs. "Figured you wouldn't mind me stepping in."

"Thank you." Bucky says. He takes the coffee when she hands it back to him. He still feels a little uncomfortable.

The elevator dings.

"You know they were flirting with you." Sharon states, walking out onto the floor.

Bucky frowns. "They were?"

"Asking you out for drinks? I'm not exactly sure how people in the forties did it, but that's a general consensus for flirting."

"Uh..." He mentally flips through scattered memories in his head. "Dancing, mostly. We asked for a dance if we were sweet on a dame."

"Have you thought about it then? Asking someone for a dance? Or drinks?" Sharon looks over at him, a knowing glint in her eyes.

Bucky is a super soldier. Bucky was an elite, graceful assassin. He usually walks with deft, determined steps, knowing how to move quickly, efficiently, silently. He stumbles over his own feet. Sharon's neutral expression breaks, a grin spreading across her mouth.

"Not- not recently." He mutters, regaining his steps.

"Hmm. I wonder if you've realized how many female agents, even some male agents, have been making eyes at you, Barnes." Sharon muses, turning down a hallway. "Maybe not though. Your tunnel vision is pretty narrow. I guess you both have it though. Oblivious to whats surrounding you, yet both oblivious to what’s right in front of you."

Confused, Bucky is about to ask her to clarify, when Sharon stops walking. They've reached the doors to the lab, Sharon holding one open for him. She offers him another friendly smile, thankful she has never cornered him like those women did. He returns a smile the best he can, moving passed her.

"Have a good day." She says as a goodbye.

"You...too." Bucky responds slowly. Mainly because he is incredibly befuddled.

He chooses to ignore it for now, noticing Ana isn't back yet. He heads to the coffee station, and goes about refilling the filter. He sees the little bottle of cinnamon, grabbing it so he can attempt to make it the way Ana does. His gaze floats up for a moment, Sharon's voice coming back to his mind.

He looks around the room, making eye contact with one of the female Researchers. She quickly adverts her gaze, staring resoundingly at her computer. He continues to look around the room, catching two other gazes before they both look away. One of them offers a small smile before she turns her back on him. Bucky knew people had been watching him and Ana, but was it in a way he hadn't even thought of before? He doesn't understand it.

Bucky is cleaning some coffee grounds from the surface he accidentally spilled, when he hears the familiar sound of heels against the floor. He doesn't turn, just dumps the grounds into the trash, swiping his hands together to clean them.

"That smells heavenly." Ana says from behind him.

Bucky pushes a freshly brewed cup towards her. "Max took the first cup."

Ana glares over at Max across the room. "He can get away with it. He knows I can never be mad at him."

Bucky ignores the sharp flutter in his chest at that. Instead, he opts to grab his own cup, walking to her desk. Ana follows suit, folding her leg under her thighs before sitting. Bucky watches as he cautiously takes a sip of the steaming liquid, her eyelashes fluttering against her cheeks.

She hums against the rim of the mug. "That is an exceptionally good cup of coffee, Bucky.

He can't help the sense of pride over it. He made her smile. He made her happy with just a simple cup of coffee. It brings him back to what Sharon said earlier.

"Can I ask you something?" Bucky inquires. Ana just raises her eyebrows. "Do women flirt with me?"

Ana pauses with her mug against her lips. Her eyes are wide, a warm brown like burning firewood. He much prefers her colored eyes over the other woman's. Slowly, she lowers the mug, placing it on her desktop.

"Come again?" Ana asks, blinking.

"I went to get the coffee and ran into these women. Agent Carter said they flirted with me. I didn't even realize."

Ana is silent for several long moments. She blinks again, like she trying to process the information. Bucky watches her as she rubs her lips together. She brings her right hand up to her necklace, tapping her thumb against her collarbone. He drops his gaze to his lap, fidgeting with his fingers. Finally, Ana speaks.

"I mean," She starts slowly, "you are ruggedly handsome, so it makes sense."

Bucky's head snaps up. Ana looks like she just got caught in headlights.

"I mean, just that...other females may find that sort of thing...their thing, and that's what's for them. If they didn't know what was for them, then how do they know what's actually for them, ya know?"

Bucky is one hundred percent sure he is staring at her with the most bewildered expression on his face. He can feel that his mouth is open, and his eyebrows are pinched. Also, that his cheeks have suddenly heated up. He must be giving her the strangest look right now, because Ana suddenly blushes. A pretty, rosy tone coloring her cheeks. She keeps rambling.

"Like, some women have a type, and you're a type that falls into a type of type category. So of course women would flirt with you if that's their thing, their type, which would be you, I guess. Like my type, is y- uh, a type and their type is...um..." She picks up her coffee. "This is a great cup of coffee."

Blood is definitely gathering in Bucky cheeks. He would be even more- what's that emotion?- bashful, if it wasn't the first time since he knew Ana, that  _she_ is the one stumbling over herself. It's rare, it's endearing. It's  _cute_. He bites his lips to keep in a laugh, because Ana is looking anywhere but at him.

"Don't hurt yourself there, sweetheart." Bucky teases, grabbing his own mug so he has something to hold.

***

When dinner comes around, Natasha and Clint ordering sushi, they're all sat around the table. Bucky can't stop his gaze floating over to Ana on several occasions. She has been resoundingly staring at her plate, only makings conversation when she's asked a question. 

Once in a while, Ana looks up, and Bucky either drop his eyes to his plate or looks over at Sam, pretending he heard what he said. He can't help his smirk on his own lips. He tried to hide with bites of food, with sips of his drink. It doesn't work. Dinner is nearly over when Bucky catches Ana's eyes again.

"What?" Ana abruptly speaks, voice slightly exasperated. "So I said you were cute. I'm not blind. It's no big deal."

The conversation halts around them.

"You said ruggedly handsome." Bucky corrects her, is lips spreading and his cheeks heating once more.

Ana shakes her head, fighting off her own smile. "If you don't wipe that shit eating smirk off your face, Snow Flurry, I will stab you in the eye with my chopsticks."

It shouldn't be a thing for her to keep threatening someone with his past. With his deadly skills, and an arm that could snap a neck in a second, but it is. Bucky just allows it, mainly because they're empty threats. 

That pretty blush is still painting her cheeks, and her bottom lips is red and puffy since she's been gnawing at it with her teeth. He figures since Ana had admitted she thinks he is well, attractive, Bucky thinks he should return it. Make it even.

In a sudden surge of confidence, Bucky confesses. "Well, I think you're gorgeous."

Ana pauses with food halfway to her mouth. She drops the sushi roll and blushes deeper than before. She blinks slowly, and mutters a little, "Oh."

They stare at each other, both with redden cheeks. Something begins to settle between them. It starts soft, gentle, growing into something thick and heavy, filled with something new. Something that might have been there from the beginning, but is now just surfacing.

"If you want to date her, you'll have to get through me first. Ana is my bae." Sam pipes up.

Bucky ducks his head down, suddenly very interested in the two dumplings on his plate. He completely forgot he's in a room full of people, who will probably tease both him and Ana mercilessly. There are chuckles breaking the tension around the table, and Bucky gathers his nerves, peaking up to look at Ana. She's pushing her sushi around her plate, looking down at the table. The comments seem to be forgotten by everyone at the moment, as Sam and Clint banter back and forth.

Ana finally meets Bucky's eyes once more, and the small smile on her lips makes any embarrassment worth while.

 

******************************************************

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading!


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _The man’s words twist with Bucky’s thoughts and a rather unpleasant one pops in his head. Maybe Ana isn’t who she says she is._

Bucky awoke that morning from a soundless sleep, a rarity in his life lately. He felt as if he had the best sleep in a long while, his mind void of any nightmares. The rain had also stopped, and though Ana has said plenty of times how much she loves it, the wet weather can get a little gloomy and old. Bucky has time to actually eat breakfast, the sun streaming through the larges glass doors.

Steve, Wanda, Natasha and Clint were all there at the table, and Bucky felt confident enough to eat with them. Ana was absent, however, and it was clear to the person sitting on his right that Bucky was wondering where she was. Clint slides over the coffee pot and an empty mug to him. 

Bucky takes it with a grateful smile and a nod. He can appreciate a small friendship forming with Clint Barton, having talked to each other about previous brainwashing. Although Clint's was no where near as long, the archer still understands it on a level that no one else does. That was Ana's doing; getting them to talk to one another.

Clint smirks at him. "Had an early morning briefing." He tells Bucky, loud enough for everyone else to hear.

"Oh, uh- thanks." He mumbles. He didn't even realize he was being obvious. Bucky keeps his gaze down after that, avoiding looks, and especially Steve's knowing smile.

It seems to be a good morning. Bucky feels like he doesn't have too many of those, and he turns out to be right. His mood shifts on the way to the lab, when he sees Agent Jared Sharp. There's no other way to get around him, being that the door is just five feet away. Bucky feels his jaw clench when he grinds his molars together, swallowing the foul taste he always gets in his mouth when it comes to Jared.

"Sergeant." Jared says coldly, as some sort of obligated greeting. "How are the sessions going?"

"Peachy." Bucky responds shortly. Keeping his own voice just as unwelcoming.

"Apologizes. I mean, how are your shrink talks? Since that's all she does instead of her actual job."

Bucky clenches his hands into fists, resisting the urge to punch him for even bringing Ana up. "I don't think you are authorized to that sort of information."

He goes to take a step forward, just wanting to get inside the lab. Bucky feels his resolve about to break and might end up putting his left fist into the guys face if he doesn’t walk away. However, Jared's next words halt him. Makes Bucky turn around.

“Has Rios told you everything then?" Jared taunts, a sneer on his lips. "That you aren’t her first... _assignment_.” 

Bucky shouldn't respond. He shouldn't take what is clearly bait dangling in front of him. He can't help it. "What the hell are you talking about?"

The sneer morphs into an arrogant smile. "The last person she tested her “theories” on, the last person she tried to help, Alex, died on her hands. Did that ever come up in your little sessions? How she spectacularly failed doing what she’s doing with you now? Can you be positive she didn’t do it on purpose to give the other side an advantage? I’d be careful if I were you, Sergeant.”   
  
Jared walks away after that. Leaves Bucky standing in the hallway with his chest tightening, stomach churning and brain reeling.

*

He shouldn’t believe it. He really shouldn’t. Bucky shouldn’t trust someone who basically cornered him just to what? Warn him? Threaten him? He hardly ever speaks to the guy, so why would he trust him? It hasn’t been that long since Bucky arrived here and everyone around him is still cautious. Walking on egg shells like Bucky might stab them in the neck at any given moment. So why would Jared mention this to him? Bucky doesn’t trust him, not an ounce. 

However, that doesn’t stop the burning curiosity that Ana might be hiding something. How is that fair for her to coax him into opening up, not keeping secrets, when she herself might be doing that exact thing. The man’s words twist with Bucky’s thoughts and a rather unpleasant one pops in his head. Maybe Ana isn’t who she says she is. Maybe the guy is right, maybe Ana is a double agent.

This should not be getting to Bucky as much as it is. It should be utterly asinine. It was just said to get under his skin. That dark corner of his mind, that doubtful little voice comes rearing it's ugly head. It does nothing for his anxiousness, makes bile churn in his stomach, burning the back of his throat. He needs to know. He  _has_  to know. Bucky grips the edge of the desk, metal fingers scraping against the wood.

Right then, Ana walks in, the pads of her fingers rubbing her right temple, and her little notebook in her other hand. Bucky watches her as she pauses to chat with Max, her body language relaxed for the most part. Her shoulders seem tense, but there’s a smile on her face. She can’t be what that prick was implying. Bucky would’ve figured that out by now, and Steve wouldn’t have so much trust in her. But he just can’t shake that nasty little voice in his head. 

Ana pats Max on the arm before making her way over to their area. He can feel how hard his gaze is, mainly because his eyes are narrowed and the muscle jumping at his jaw hasn't stopped. His heart begins to pound against his chest when Ana reaches him.

"Sorry." Ana greets, smiling at him. "The briefing took a little longer than I thought. How was you morning?"

“Is there something you want to share?” Bucky counters immediately. The question tumbles out before he stop it. "Something you’re hiding, perhaps?”  
  
Ana frowns quizzically. “Hiding? What are you-“

“Your last assignment maybe? Alex.” Bucky nearly sneers.  
  
Ana freezes. He sees her body tense like ice just ran down her spine. Her muscles turn rigid, her jaw clenches with a twitch and her eyes harden. The usually warm color of her irises burning dark, the golden spots almost drowned out.  _If looks could kill._  The air around them begins feels different.  
  
“What the hell are you talking about!?” She demands, voice hissing through her teeth.  
  
“That was his name right, Alex?” Bucky notices the slight trembling of her bottom lip. The only betrayal of her growing anger. “Didn’t you test your theories on him and-?”  
  
“You have no idea what you’re saying.” Ana interrupts, stepping closer.   
  
Bucky is toeing the line, he knows it, but he can’t stop. He has to know if it’s true, because if it is...

“Is that not what you write in the notebook?  Comparing and contrasting between two-“  
  
The notebook is thrown at his chest. Ana is glaring at him, still with that dark, fire in her eyes. “Go ahead,” she bites, “read it. See if I’m hiding anything that ridiculous from you. Where the fuck did you hear this shit?”  
  
Bucky looks over her shoulder into the distant window of by the door. Jared is standing out in the hallway, watching with a satisfied smirk. Ana follows his gaze, whipping her head around just as Jared walks away.   
  
“I’m going to kill that asshole.” She mutters. When she turns back to face Bucky, she has the bridge of her nose pinched between her fingers.  
  
“He mentioned it to me.” Bucky admits quietly, trying to taking a deep breath to calm himself. “I was curious and -“  
  
“And you decided to believe someone you don't even know, and accuse me instead?”  
  
_Oh_. That. That is really bad. Really, really bad. Bucky deflates, and just like that, all of his anxiety and anger seeps out of him. “Ana-“  
  
She shakes her head and holds up her hand. Her expression is hard, closed off. “No. We’re not doing this today. You do whatever you want. I’m leaving.”   
  
With that, Ana whirls around on her heels, walking away. The lights abruptly dim as she walks out the door.  
  
***

Bucky looks for Ana everywhere. He has to apologize. He fucked up big time, got inside his own damn mind again and really fuck it up. Clearly that incident was a no fly zone for Ana, and Jared Sharp knew it. Bucky tentatively asks around in the compound where she might be. When Wanda mentions to call Stark in case he can't find her at all, Bucky leaves. The last thing he wants is Tony Stark showing up here in that damn suit of his and blasting his arm off, which he nearly succeeded in once.

He sighs, shoving his hand through is long hair in frustration. He needs to fix this and he can't find her, apparently really good at keeping in the shadows as well. He swears Ana packs more skills than she lets on. Maybe she wanted to find a quiet place and let her anger at him grow and grow until she finally hates him. like she should have done from the beginning. Maybe this will be that breaking point. 

Quiet. A quiet place. Bucky makes a beeline for the end of the hallway the second the thought pops up. He pulls down the leaver that leads to the roof access staircase, climbing the steps two at a time. 

The second he opens the door, is the second something is thrown at him. It hits him square in the chest, falling to the ground with a soft thud. A plum. Ana threw a plum at him. He steps over said fruit, then catches another one before it hits his head. Where the hell is she even getting them from?

"Would you stop that?" Buck says catching yet another plum. 

"I don't want to talk to you right now. So if you would kindly go away!" Ana snaps.

When she throws a fourth piece of fruit, Bucky sidesteps, and the plum goes straight through the dirty window behind him, shattering the glass. Ana doesn't even pay attention to the damage. 

"Are you done?"

"Are you leaving?"

She seems to be out of fruit, so he walks closer. Slowly, watching her hands that are now empty. He takes a seat on the lounge chair next to her. Ana stares out into the woods, the muscle at her jaw jumping.

"I'm sorry, Ana." Bucky says as sincerely as possible, keeping his gaze on her. "I didn't know it was a sensitive subject. I shouldn't have asked."

Ana inhales deeply, closes her eyes, and exhales. "It's fine."

If that isn't the biggest lie, the first lie, she has ever told him. It is not fine, and though her voice is calm, and her body is relaxed, that twitching muscle beneath her skin betrays her. Another thought crosses his mind that maybe Ana is holding back on his account. He won't settle for that. If she wants to be angry at him, he  _wants_ her to be angry at him.

"So," Bucky prompts suspiciously, "that's it. You're not angry?"

"Oh, I'm fucking angry all right." Ana admits sharply, whipping her head around to face him. "I just do’t know if I’m more angry at Jared, or you for fucking believing him in the first place. I mean, really, Bucky? You barely know the guy, and he gets a few words in and you suddenly take his word over this." She gestures between them. 

"It's been two months, and here I thought, here I believed you when you said you trusted  me, but apparently you don't. You question my intentions instead, even after I told you and shown you plenty of times what they are. Yet you believe Jared of all people. So, no, actually. I'm not angry. I'm hurt."

Majorly fucked it up. Bucky's heart sinks to his stomach. Hurting her is the last thing he has ever wanted to do. He's been too afraid of physically hurting her, he hasn’t even thought of figuratively doing so. Ana's eyes are sad, and her mouth is tilted downwards. 

"I do trust you, Ana." Bucky insists firmly, because she has to know.

"You're doing a great fucking job at expressing it."

"I fucked up."

Ana doesn't say anything, just continues to glare at him. He leans over to grab her hand but Ana pulls away and stands up. She starts pacing. It takes several long moments before she actually says something.

"I don't know if I should be this angry at you or not." She tells him, hands on her hips as she walks.

"I want you to be. Don't spare my feelings because I hurt yours." He pleads.

Ana shakes her head. 

"Listen, Annie-" Bucky stands and puts a hand on her shoulder stopping her.

"I hate that name." Ana mumbles.

"You're right.” Bucky admits. “He did get to me, and I just...I have trouble accepting people's help and that's a fear that still lingers. But it shouldn't have been a fear of you. I know you don't have ulterior motives, and please, please believe me when I say I  _do_ trust you. He just...I just got really curious and wondered if the first deprogramming attempt worked."

Ana scoffs. "I never tried deprogramming him because my brother-"

"Your brother?" Bucky interrupts bewildered. "Alex is your  _brother_?"

All the fight and anger visibly leaves Ana's body, her shoulder slumping under his hand. "That's why I shouldn't be angry with you, because you didn't know that."

"He's your brother."

"Jared is an asshole."

"He said you failed, that he died."

Ana nods. Bucky releases her and steps back. He sits down on the chair once more, hiding his face in his hands. How many times can he tell himself he really fucked up before it becomes redundant. He fucked up. He also loathes that Jared guy. He feels Ana sit next to him, their shoulders touching, which he takes as a good sign.

"You caught me off guard, Bucky." She tells him quietly. "People don't ask about it anymore. It's been an emotional few days for me and you caught me off guard."

"I am so sorry." He says into his hands. He finally picks his head up looking right at her. "I never meant to hurt you, Ana."

Ana sighs, running her fingers through her thick hair and pushing it to the side. "It's alright. I just. I really want you to trust me, Bucky. If there's even an once of doubt-"

"It's not going to work." He finishes for her. 

"I'm not rushing you, this is still on your own terms. Don't tell me you trust me, if you truly don't, just to speed up the process."

"Ana, I do trust you." Bucky tells her vehemently, once more. "That guy is a....douche nozzle."

Ana chuckles at that, and its so good to see her smile again. To hear her laugh after knowing what her truly angry voice sounds like. How icy her eyes became. How the air suddenly seemed way too thin around him. She is an Energy Alchemist after all. 

"Where did you hear that term?"

"Sam showed me this um, Urban Dictionary?"

"Geez." Ana shakes her head.

Bucky moves his hand over left on her thigh, tentatively wrapping his fingers around hers and squeezes. "I'm really sorry. Please believe me. I do trust you."

Ana offers him a small smile, but it doesn't quite reach her eyes. "Thank you." Slowly, she takes her hand away and stands up.

Bucky panics for a moment, wondering if she truly believes him or not. He has no idea what to do to make up for something like questioning her integrity. "Where are you going?"

"I just would like be to alone right now." She shrugs, and actually looks guilty. It looks wrong. "I'm sorry."

"No, you have nothing to apologize for. This is my fault."

"Don't blame yourself, okay?" Ana says giving him a look. "He's right, you know."

"About what?" Bucky asks, confused. He sees something glisten in her eyes.

"I did fail."

 

*****************************************************


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Those are the reactions that make Ana snap the book shut, leaving it on the table. She slowly advances towards him, hands held open to convey that she won’t make any suddenly movements. She can feel the mental pain and terror radiating off his skin now, tainting the air. Ana takes another step towards him, can see the fear in his half lidded eyes, when Bucky speaks._
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> _“Don’t.” He whispers, his flesh fingers flexing. “Don’t come closer.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy!

Ana had locked herself in her room for most of the day. Her anger at Bucky subsided, knowing that he has trust issues he is dealing with. She knows, realistically, despite saying how much Bucky does trust her, his underlying lack of it in people doesn't just disappear after a few months. The crushing look of guilt on his face had pierced through her heart, made her own stomach twist in knots. He didn't know, and of course he would be utterly inquisitive to see if she had in fact performed a Deprogramming Session. He would want to know the success rate of it. Bucky didn't know, and that is why most of her anger had dissipated. At least towards Bucky. 

Her anger still burns hot toward Agent Sharp. As much as she would have loved to find him and land a solid punch in his smug face, she doesn't. Instead, Ana channels that anger through boxing later that evening. Thankfully, no one is in the gym when she gets there, and she throws punches as hard as she can at the bag. She gives it her all strength, going fast, until her muscles are burning with extortion and sweat is dripping down her body.

She pants heavily, her chest heaving up and down, then falls to the floor. There's a light rattling echoing through the gym. When Ana pushes herself up to look behind her, the row of punching bags are shaking. Ana sits up, closes her eyes and inhales while counting. She focuses her energy, wills herself to calm down. Hones it in until her heartbeat is one steady rhythm, then she exhales.

It's been hours of her being alone, no one bothering to check in on her. She briefly wonders if Bucky told people she didn’t want to be bothered, or if her own energy was radiating off her that thickly. Either way, she's grateful for it, for she doesn't run into anyone on her way back to her room. She spares a glance towards Bucky's own, the door shut, and wonders if he understands why she requested it.

Bringing up her past, especially her brother's past is something that will always shake her. It's been seven years since his passing, but Ana has been living with her guilt for just as long. Jared has no idea what he was even talking about, and to fill Bucky's head just to play a sick game is despicable.

Ana reaches her own bedroom, pulling the little specifically made pin key from her shoe and unlocking it. After she showered, taking her time and allowing the heated water and steam to calm her, she finally emerges from her solitude. The smell of something cooking on the stove fills her nose, makes her mouth water from hunger. She did just spend a good ninety minutes burning her own energy. She sees Steve and Wanda sitting on the couches. Ana opens her mouth to speak but she is already cut off.

"Arroz con gandules." Vision answers the question Ana didn't get to ask. "With tostones."

Ana perks up. "What's the occasion?"

"Someone got invested in someone else's favorite dish." Steve answers from the couch.

Ana looks over confused. Steve is giving her a little smirk, like he knows something she doesn't. Wanda raises her eyebrows, shrugging innocently. She knows something too. Once again, Ana goes to ask a question when Vision beats her to speaking.

"Mr. Barnes requested you meet him on the patio after your shower." Vision informs her.

Slowly, she begins to put the dinner together. She takes two steps back so she can see through the glass doors, and Bucky is in fact, sitting outside. The sunset colors the sky in bright oranges and soft pinks, a stunning background for the man offering her a tentative smile. It's the nervous biting of his bottom lip that makes Ana move her feet. 

"Thank you." Ana says to Vision. 

She ignores the two pairs of eyes, burning with curiosity, as she passes them. Ana slides the glass door open easily, stepping out into the crisp air, and sliding the door shut behind her. She spots two chairs, the one next to him, and the one across. She sits in the one on his right. Bucky's hands are hidden under the table, and she quirks an eyebrow.

"Did you research popular Puerto Rican dishes?" She questions.

Bucky shrugs sheepishly. "Possibly."

Ana rubs her lips together to ward off a smile. "Did you cook it yourself?"

"Maybe. Maybe with some help."

"Are you trying to make up by cooking me my favorite dish that also happens to be popular in my heritage?"

"Yes."

Ana can't help the little flutter of her heart. She finally allows her smile to spread across her lips. "Bucky-"

"This too." Bucky cuts her off. He brings his hand from under the table. 

Ana's mouth drops. Bucky slides a giant jar of Nutella over to her. "You didn't have to get this. Or make dinner."

"I just wanted to make sure we're alright." He says quietly, he almost looks shy. "You're becoming one of the closest friends I have, Ana. I really didn't want to mess that up, but I really...I really felt like I fucked it all up today. That's my own fault."

Ana reaches over to gently touch her fingers to his wrist. "It's not, Bucky. You didn't know, how could you have? You didn't fuck anything up."

Bucky drops his eyes to the table. "So, you weren't avoiding me the entire day? I just imagined that?"

"No, that." Ana blows out a breath. "That wasn't avoiding you. That was me...coping." Bucky looks up, giving her a perplexed look. "I can get pretty hot headed when it comes to emotions."

"Haven't noticed." Bucky quips, like he can't help himself.

It makes Ana smile. She lifts her hand to gently tug on the end of his hair, dropping her hand back down. "As I was saying. I can get pretty passionate, and sometimes it's best for me to be alone. Get it out and process why I'm so angry or hurt. I think I was angrier at Jared than I was hurt by you. I was pissed because he made you think..."

Ana shakes her head. She is still reeling over that. "You know I lost my brother. It was one of the hardest things I ever had to go through. For Jared to corner you, basically tell you false information about something so personal. It pissed me off. That isn't your fault, Buck. That's Jared being a prick as usual."

Bucky nods in understanding. "He really seems hate you, Ana. How come?"

Leaning back in her seat, Ana says, "I honestly have no idea. One day we were fine. We had a good work relationship, you know? Chatted daily, worked on some projects together. The next day," Ana shrugs, "he just started hating me. I couldn't tell you why."

"I don't like him."

Ana notices the way Bucky's jaw clenches. It makes the line of the bone look even more strong and profound. The cold tone of his voice makes Ana glad she's not on the other side of that. There's a strange fire in his blue eyes and a hard set to his mouth. It clicks in Ana's head.

"That's a lie. You hate him." Ana calls him out, smiling. "You hate him because he hates me."

"Not to mention he is a complete jackass."

Ana laughs. "I appreciate your hatred on my behalf, but he's harmless. No need to get hostile, Fullmetal."

"That's a new one." Bucky smiles at her quirking his head to the side.

"Fullmetal Alchemist. He’s this kid with a metal arm and leg." Ana explains. "It's a popular Japanese animated show. Which now we need to watch because you'd really appreciate it."

"Sounds like a plan."

"Dinner is ready!" Wanda calls from the lounge, voice muffled through the glass.  

"We're okay though?" Bucky questions. Insecurity seeping into his tone.

"Yeah, we're fine." She reassures him. They both get up from the table, Ana grabbing the jar. There's only one store that sells the fifty-ounce size. Did you go to Luna Bakery for this?"

"Oh." Bucky says lightly, sliding the door open. He steps aside to allow Ana to pass him before he follows. "Right. The guy at the counter told me to give you something, but I misplaced it. Sorry."

He doesn't sound sorry. Ana narrows her eyes suspiciously. "What was it?"

"I don't really remember." He answers, taking a plate Vision hands him and giving it to Ana.

There's a quiet snort from behind Ana. She turns, and Steve is right behind her, suddenly looking away. His expression is light, amused. He knows what it was Bucky had misplaced. She quirks her eyebrows at Steve. He just shrugs, the shit. Ana spots Wanda on the other side of the kitchen island, laughing quietly into her hand, staring at her.

"What was it?" Ana whispers.

"Beats me." Steve answers quietly.  

"Annie, get your food before it turns cold." Bucky tells her, gently grabbing her elbow with his left hand and pulling her in front of him. He releases his hold quickly.

"Stop calling-"

"You that, I know, I know, darling. Eat up."

Ana never gets to find out from anyone what the baker gave her. She gets distracted by the food that is actually spot on with taste. She can't believe Bucky took the time to make her favorite dish and go to the bakery in town. All just to make sure they were okay, and everything forgiven. She's abruptly struck by how good of a heart Bucky has, and hopes one day soon, he can see that himself.

Later, as Ana pulls the trash bag out of the bin, something flutters to the tile. Upon closer inspection, the paper has a series of ten numbers on it in vaguely familiar handwriting. It's a phone number. The thing the baker gave to Bucky to be passed along to Ana was his phone number. Ana stares at it for a moment. Then she picks it up, crumbles it and puts the paper back into the trash bag. She ties it up, and throws it away.

***

"So." Ana starts curtly. She hands Bucky his coffee mug, watching as the bridge of his nose scrunches up. As if he already knows what she is going to say; and he calls her the mind reader.

"Stage two?" Bucky asks knowingly.

Ana decided to proceed with the next stage, given that Bucky had two good days in a row. His energy felt steady, calm. He seemed to have slept through both nights, as did Ana. So, she feels like he is ready to take on the next step. She believes in him, knows that he can conquer this. She sees that drive in him, lighting his eyes up even if he doesn't know it.

"Yes. If you're alright with that, but I think you're ready." She tells him. She slowly sips her own coffee, gauging his reaction.

Bucky's eyes fall to his left, twisting his wrist around twice. His muscular chest rises and falls steadily as he takes what looks like calming breaths. When he looks back at her, there is a determined look in his eyes. He nods.

"I'm ready." He states firmly.

***

Once the flimsy, leather restraints are strapped over Bucky's arms, Ana ignoring his look of warning, she takes her spot by the table. Ana knows, if something were to really happen, there are more than the belts to keep him restrained. Bucky probably already knows it, in fact, Ana knows he knows it, but there is more protection in the room than it looks. The table Ana is leaning against is a testament to that. The bracelet Tony gave her is in her back pocket, just in case, and Ana doesn’t just wear heeled boots just for a fashion statement.

Someone shifts in front of the door, and Ana lets her eyes float over to Max. He is one of the only guard she had handpicked to be on watch. She's known Max for years now. She trusts he won't pull his trigger unless directly ordered by Ana. When they make eye contact, Max subtly lifts his chin up. Ana glances up and over her shoulder, spotting Simon Mills through the second floor window. 

She grits her teeth, then focuses her attention back on Bucky. He is staring at her. His blue eyes shade darker and she wonders if it's because of his anxiety. Ana smiles at him, reassuring and confident. He takes another deep breath, returns her smiles and nods.

"Remember, Bucky," Ana reminds him, "if you aren't hundred percent ready, I won't proceed."

"I am." Bucky promises, determination in his voice.

Ana feels the air flutter around her skin. She knows it's his nerves, but she takes his word for it. Ana turns her back on him, only to pull a small gold key from her belt. She unlocks a thin drawer embedded in the table, pressing her thumb to the little keypad as well. She pulls out the red book with the black star. It feels heavy in her fingers, the weight of what it contains settles uncomfortably in her stomach. 

She carefully opens the book, flipping to the page that holds the horrible Winter Soldier trigger words. Slowly, Ana turns back around. She notices Bucky's eyebrows twitch, his throat bobbing, but he remains focused. He nods again. Ana drops her eyes to the first word briefly, then looks up. She never thought that taking Russian in school would lead her to speaking these words fluently.

_"Zhelaniye."_  
_  
_ She says the word quietly, hates the way it sounds coming from her own lips. Ana keeps a careful watch on his expression. Bucky inhales another deep breath, keeping his eyes locked with hers. His head twitches just slightly. Ana waits a good twenty seconds, slow but not slow enough, before she says the next trigger word.

_ "Rzhavyy." _

Bucky squeezes his eyes shut briefly, giving in. Ana sees him crack his eyes open, just enough to gaze at her through his eyelashes, as if he is forcing himself to focus. His chest rises and falls a little more rapidly. His bottom lip is trembling, and his left hand grips the edge of the armrest so hard it screeches under the weight. 

Those are the reactions that make Ana snap the book shut, leaving it on the table. She slowly advances towards him, hands held open to convey that she won't make any sudden movements. She can feel the mental pain and terror radiating off his skin now, tainting the air. Ana takes another step towards him, can see the fear in his half-lidded eyes, when Bucky speaks.

"Don't." He whispers, his flesh fingers flexing. "Don't come closer."

Ana halts. "Bucky."

Bucky's eyebrows twitch, he shakes his head. "Don't wanna hurt you."

"You won't." Ana promises. "I'm not continuing." She slides her right foot closer, then her left. "Tell me what's happening, what are you feeling?"

Ana's eyes shift to his left arm, the metal looking blurry, as if...as if he's shaking. Slowly, cautiously, Ana stretches her right hand out, fingers just inches away from his sliver knuckles. Bucky makes a jerky movement, his arm kept in place by the restraints. Ana nearly retracts her fingers from being startled by the movement.

"Don't touch it." Bucky warns lowly. "I- I feel..."

Realization dawns in Ana's brain. She would be lying if she said she hadn't noticed the way Bucky acts around her when she's too close to his left arm. How he always keeps it pressed to his side, tries not to voluntarily touch her with his hand. How he winces when his reflexes react, and he uses his left arm. Bucky has been cautious this whole time around her.

"Are you going to hurt me?" Ana asks, slowly moving her hand forward.

"I-I don't know." His metal fingers dig into the chair.

"Yes, you do. Bucky, do you want to hurt me?"

"No." His arm is quivering harder.

"Then you won't. I trust you. Talk to me, Bucky."

Bucky shakes his head again in jerky little movements. He takes a ragged breath in, squeezing his eyes shut. "Discomfort. In my head. Sending signals."

"To your body?" Ana finally places her palm over his fist. The steel cold, almost stinging her skin.

Bucky's eyes snap open. His eyes, usually so incredibly blue, are murky with haunted memories. Ana watches his eyes flicker into another emotion, and she realizes with a start; it's fear. Fear of what, exactly, is unknown to her. Fear that he doesn't think he can get through this? Fear that he's back at Hydra? Fear that Ana will fail to help him now that he knows she failed her brother?

"Ana." He exhales, his voice deep and rough in his throat. "It will hurt you."

The phrasing of what he said doesn't sit right in her stomach, but Ana has another thing to focus on at the moment. She places her open left hand firmly against his chest. She feels the dark energy surrounding his body, buzzing closing to skin, poisoning the air around them. She feels a prickling laced within it, as if little needles were stabbing at them. Ana thinks it's the mechanical workings of Bucky's left arm. The metal slates shift minutely as he involuntarily flexes, though both arms are now shaking again.

Concentrating on the charged air surrounding them, Ana inhales slowly. Usually, she'll close her eyes, focus solely on the energy, but with terror ridden irises looking helplessly into hers, she keeps her gaze locked with Bucky. Ana sends whatever sense of positivity she has his way. Sends her feelings of trust, of courage, of reassurance to him instead. Takes that energy he's omitting and twists into something that is more relaxed, calm. 

"What..." Bucky breathes. Ana can feel it shift the air. "What are you doing?"

"Trying you calm your nervous energy." Ana informs him softly. "I believe you won't hurt me, so I'm trying to convey that to you. Tell me what's going on in your mind, if you can."

"Confusion." He says, frowning. His eyes are beginning to clear a little.

"You said your brain is sending signals?"

"I'm half expecting to break the belts."

"Strong little Winter Snowflake." Ana murmurs.

A strangled noise falls from Bucky's lips. "You're distracting me."

"Good." Ana feels the air slowly shift out of darkness.

"You shouldn't be this close." He says to her, but his trembling of his arms has stopped altogether.

"You won't hurt me."

"How do you know?"

"You would have already done it."

Bucky's clenched metal fist finally drops. Fingers limp against the armrest. Ana takes her chance to squeeze his hand. He doesn't return the gesture, and she figures it's because he feels defeated. She doesn't understand why since he just got through another session without too much incident. 

"I think you have too much trust in me, Darling." Bucky whispers. 

"I think you have too little trust in yourself, Snowflake."

Bucky chuckles. He chuckles and the mood in the air shifts abruptly. Ana catches herself on the armrest for a moment, not expecting that, but she quickly uses the energy to fully lighten the dark one. She can feel Bucky's heartbeat beneath her palm, a now steady, if a little fast, beat. Ana smiles despite herself, despite the mood they were just in a few seconds ago.

"How'd you feel?" She inquires.

"A little better. A little...nervous."

"Of what?"

"Hurting you." He murmurs. His is voice so soft Ana almost misses it.

"Bucky-"

Bucky shakes his head once more. His eyes are shinning with clarity now. It makes the knot forming in Ana's stomach subside. She wasn't scared of him or his arm, just his energy was making her uneasy. 

"This arm has done so many things, Ana." He confesses, finally breaking his gaze. He looks down at his fingers.

"You have two arms." She reminds him.

After what is a very long time to have her hands still touching him, Ana removes her hands. She goes to undo the restraints, watching as they fall away from his arms. Bucky doesn't move, so Ana put both her hands back on his left arm. One on his wrist, the other on his bicep.  

"Hey, Bucky. Look at me." She waits until he meets her eyes. "I'm not afraid of this. I am not afraid of you."

"You should be." Bucky counters. "You should me terrified of every part of me."  
  
His words make her heart clench. "This is a part of you, but this arm doesn't make up who you are. You, Bucky, are not just this arm. Try not to associate it with every horrible thing."  
  
He frowns, mouth pinched at the corners. "It's destructive.  _I'm_  destructive."  
  
Ana trails her hand from his biceps, up to his shoulder, and over to the center of his chest. "No, you're not. Not anymore."

Bucky stares at her for a moment longer. Then is lips twitch up and he covers her hand with his right palm. Ana smiles back at him. She lifts his metal hand to their eye line. She has to make him see what she has noticed.

"Do you realize how gentle you are with this arm?" Ana asks rhetorically. "You caught my laptop without breaking it. I've seen you pick up Ezra because he tries to attack your feet."

Bucky chuckles quietly.

"Don't think I haven't noticed how cautious you are around me, Bucky. You've caught fruit with this hand without bruising it. If you really wanted to hurt me, or anyone, you would. Prosthetic limb or not. I believe you will not willingly hurt anyone here."

Ana moves her left hand from his, gently poking at his chest. "This, that thing beating inside your chest. That is what makes you who are. Not your arm. Understood?"

Something flickers in Bucky's eyes. He lifts his metal hand, catching a few strands of hair that have fallen over Ana's shoulder. He moves the hair back behind her ear, his fingers grazing her skin. The touch is so delicate, so light, it causes a shiver throughout Ana's body; makes her heart flutter. The air between them suddenly feels thick.

Slowly, Ana pulls back, straightens up. "I think we're finished for today. You did well, you worked through it."

"All you, Ana." Bucky mutters. He leans forward, wrapping his metal fingers around her scarred wrist. "I don't believe you have failed anyone."

Her breath seems to stutter in her chest and her lips suddenly feel dry. She wets her bottom lip with her tongue, notices that Bucky's eyes shift down for a moment before they come back to meet her gaze. A smile spreads across her mouth, she can't help it. It's nice to hear that someone doesn't think she failed, even if she doesn't believe it herself.

The loud metal banging of a door shutting heavily startles them both. The noises cause Bucky to stand quickly, moving in front of Ana, his stance squared and shoulders taut. Ana stares at his back muscles that rippled beneath his blue shirt as he moved. As alluring as it was to watch, Ana realizes that Bucky is shielding her away from whoever or whatever made the noise. She files it away in her brain, because if Bucky was falling into his Winter Soldier persona, he wouldn't have done so. A surge of hope fills her heart.

"Impressive." A voice says. 

It sounds condescending. Ana steps around Bucky's defensive form, her eyes landing on Simon Mills, followed by Agent Erik Woods. She narrows her eyes at them, stepping in front of Bucky instead. Simon is the head of the Psychological Evaluations Department and hasn't hidden the fact that he is unhappy about Ana's sudden override of his authority. He makes a note to mention at least something about it during briefings. 

"Interesting methods you have there, Agent Rios." Simon continues, a patronizing smile on his lips. "Agent Woods here would like to know if he could evaluate Sergeant Barnes now?"

Ana arches her eyebrow, crossing her arms. "What? Is he too afraid to ask me himself?"

Woods glares at her. Ana feels Bucky shift behind her, and the air that was once calm, begins to feel anxious. Ana needs to shut this down before everything Bucky just got through is thrown back several steps. 

"It's just a question, Rios." Erik says, tapping his fingers against his iPad.

"It's not your job to perform any evaluation with him. I'm afraid the answer will be no." Ana tells him. 

Bucky shifts again, coming closer to Ana that she can feel the heat radiating off his body. He's becoming more and more anxious. Abruptly, Ana recalls the story of the last time someone wanted to "evaluate" him. It ended with an impostor forcing Bucky to trigger into his Winter Soldier persona.

Ana continues, already reaching behind her to grab Bucky's forearm. "You evaluate these sessions from up there, that is your job. This is mine, and I do not appreciate you coming and trying to take over. Now, if you please excuse us. We're going to be late for something important."

Ana doesn't bother to wait for a response, she just begins walking toward the door, towing Bucky along behind her. Max lifts his own brow when he opens the door for them. Ana just shakes her head as they pass him. Max stays behind, shutting the door and Ana is grateful that he can tell she didn't want them to follow.

***

She continues to lead Bucky out of the lab, through the hallways and the entire building before releasing his arm. She stops halfway between the work facility and their living compound, spinning around abruptly. It turns out to be better in theory, because her face nearly bumps into a solid chest. Ana places her hand in the middle of Bucky's sternum, gently pushing herself back. She drops her hand quickly.

"Are you alright?" She questions, noticing his skin looking a little pale.

"Fine." Bucky answers, pushing his fingers back through his hair. "I'm fine. Just- no one else is allowed to do this session but you right?"

"Right." She answers immediately. “Nor are they allowed without my permission. The goal, besides the obvious, is to make you feel comfortable. I'm sorry if they just jeopardized that."

"They didn't." Bucky assures her. He puts his right hand on her shoulder, squeezing gently. "How about you, Ana? I see that muscle twitching."

Ana chuckles. "Annoyed, but what else is new with them." 

Bucky smiles at her. "As long as you're sure."

"I am. Come on, let's go get some food."

They start walking to their living space, Bucky dropping his hand as they go. Ana notices Bucky stays on her right, walking a little too close to her. However, she doesn't miss they way is left arm brushes against hers. It's the first time it's happening without him immediately pulling away. His knuckles brush lightly against her own, and the cool touch of the metal seems to ground her. Keeps her irritation at bay.

"Hey, Bucky." Ana pipes up after they reached their home.

"Ana." He says, unlocking the door with code and thumbprint. He holds the door open for her, waiting for her to walk through.

"I'm proud of you. I think you did a great job." She smiles up at him. He looks bashful all of a sudden. It's a rather new look for him.

"It's all because of you." Bucky tells her.

"It's because of  _you_." Ana corrects. 

"Whatever you say, sweetheart."

*******************************************************************************************


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> __  
>  **“I don’t even know who I am anymore.” Bucky whispers, nervously twisting his fingers again. “That’s what I was trying to figure out for those two years. Who I was. Who I am.“**   
> 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> enjoy!

Bucky meets up with Steve the next morning, taking their usual run around the compound when they have days off. The burn in Bucky’s lungs grounds him after a fitful sleep, and though he barely breaks a sweat, it still feels good to run. They ended their run by the research facility where the sessions are held, stopping by the little cafe for bananas as a snack.

They end up walking past the doors of the lab, Bucky quickly glancing at it for a moment when he stops. He leans forward to look closer in the window and sees someone slumped over their desk. The person’s hair is down, loose and falling over their shoulder and back like a blanket. Their head is pillowed on their folded arms, and the slow, steady breathing says they’re asleep.  
  
“Buck?” Steve calls from several feet away, having continued to walk.  
  
“Does she do that a lot?” He questions, wondering if he should wake her.  
  
“Who? Ana?” Steve comes up next to him, peering through the window. He sighs. “Sometimes. She overworks herself. I swear she falls asleep in other places more than her own bed.”  
  
Bucky has noticed that. She falls asleep more on the couch it seems. Or on the roof. Or on the mat of the gym floor. “Why is that?”  
  
“I’m not exactly sure.”  
  
Bucky looks over at him, because there’s a strange reserved tone in his voice. Steve is lying. He does know why, but Bucky lets it go, because it’s probably not Steve’s place to tell. It’s probably not his place to ask him either, and if he really wants to know, he can just ask Ana. He turns his attention back to the sleeping woman.  
  
“Should we wake her? It can’t be comfortable.” Bucky suggests. A thought crosses the back of his mind, abruptly figuring it out. Ana wares herself too thin emotionally.

Steve pulls out his phone, tapping the screen a few times. He hold its up to his ear. A few moments later, a loud ringtone echoes through the empty space of the room. Bucky clearly sees the sound startle Ana, jerking awake and pushing herself up. She looks around the room, then pushes her hair back. She grabs her phone and the noise cuts off, placing it to her ear.  
  
“Did you fall asleep at your desk again?” Steve asks. He pauses. "We can see you through the glass.”  
  
Bucky continues to watch her. Ana slumps back down in her seat, tilting her head to hold the phone between her ear and shoulder. She spins slowly in her chair until she’s facing them. She lifts her hand up, waving lazily, a goofy little smile spreading across her lips. Bucky can’t help but be endeared.

“Come on, we’ll get you some breakfast.” Steve promises.

“And a big vat of coffee.” Bucky mumbles. 

Steve looks over at him blinking. He smiles knowingly. “That’s what Bucky just said.” He says into the phone.

Bucky frowns in confusion at the comment. He doesn’t have to wonder long, for Steve hangs up the phone, and footsteps are running up the stairs. Ana comes through the door, looking exhausted but chipper. There are bags under her eyes, a deep indigo color and her skin looks a little pale. She smiles at Bucky while rubbing the base of her neck. 

“Where’s my coffee, Sergeant Snowflake?” Is the first thing she says to him.

Bucky levels her with an unimpressed look. Steve chuckles next to them. “Your blood is 99% coffee, don’t deny it. Plus, you had a perfectly good machine right next to you.” 

“But I have to make it and wait for it. Whereas if you bring it to me, I do not.”

“Wouldn’t you have to wait for me to bring it anyway?”

“Not the point.” Ana waves her hand flippantly.

Bucky rolls his eyes pretending to be exasperated with her. He never is. “Come on, troublemaker. Let’s get you coffee.”

Ana beams at him, then hooks her arm through Steve’s and pulls him along. Bucky can’t help but stare after her, the natural sway of her hips shouldn’t be something that gets to him, but it does. She does, and Bucky has slowly been dealing with a whole new surge of confusing feelings. Ones he hasn’t felt for decades, ones that make him nervous and anxious in a whole other way. Feelings he didn’t think he would ever have again. He pushes them down for now, or forever, and ignores them. He shouldn’t be having those anyway.

It’s when Ana pulls her arm from Steve as he unlocks the front entrance, does Bucky pull her aside. He reaches out, careful with his left hand, fingers barely grazing her elbow. Ana feels it though, hanging back while allowing Steve to pass. Bucky doesn’t miss the small smirk on his friend’s mouth as he walks ahead of them.

“Are you alright?” Bucky asks Ana, just having to make sure.

Her eyebrows twitch down. “Yes? I’m fine.”

“You aren’t…” He trails off, trying to put the words together. “Overworking yourself, are you? With people’s energy, or, what did you call it- empathetic healing?”

The soft smile Ana gives him makes his chest tighten. “I think you know me too well now.” She says. “I’m fine though, I promise. I just need a good nights rest is all.”

Bucky nods, there’s no reason not to believe her. “Just be careful doing that. You stretch yourself too thin.”

Ana pats his arm. “I appreciate the concern.” Her smile widens. “Really. What I don’t appreciate is you keeping from my coffee.”

Bucky gentle pushes her forward through the door. “Yeah, Yeah. Lets go.”

***

Ana was correct when she told Bucky all she needed was a good night of undisturbed sleep. She got a rare seven hours straight, until her phone rang loudly, waking her up. Tony had called, and broke a rule; no phone calls before nine AM. He said her wrath can wait until he shows up at the compound, which would be the next day. 

She gets out of bed, goes about her morning routine, then heads for the lab. Except when she sees Bucky, he doesn’t walk into the room. Instead, he turns right and goes out the doors that lead to the little terrace outside. Frowning, Ana sets her mug down, signals to Max that she’ll be outside, and follows him. 

When she gently closes the doors behind her, Ana takes in his appearance. He looks…sullen. Like he awoke with the weight of the universe on his shoulders, which are hunched forward while he sits on the metal chair. His forearms are shifting, a tell-tale sign that he is wringing his hands together.

“Bucky?” Ana keeps her voice quiet, but just loud enough to be heard over the rustling of the trees. She doesn’t want to startle him. 

He doesn’t even look over his shoulder. “I’m fine, Ana. Just, thinking a lot this morning.”

Ana makes her way over to the empty chair next to him, sitting down. “Would you like me to leave you alone for the day? I know these talks can get heavy. I can get a little-” Ana waves her hand in the air for lack of words.

“No.” Bucky reassures quickly. “I’m comfortable talking to you. It helps when I talk with you.”

Ana smiles, almost shyly, and she can understand why. She likes when he talks with her too. She just likes talking to  _him_. Ana spots the little journal making a rectangular outline in the pocket of his jeans. The top is sticking out just enough for a scratched-on word to be on display.

 _Bucharest_.

“Bucky, what did you do in Romania?” Ana questions cautiously, curiously. “Were you there the entire time?”

"For those two years?” He clarifies. Ana nods. “I wasn’t there the entire time, no. I was just trying to…” He releases a sad sort of chuckle. “I was running first of all. Had to make sure Hydra wouldn’t find me. Then I was just trying to figure things out, decipher all this shit in my head.”

He goes to tap at his temple with his left index finger, but Ana stops him. Wraps her own fingers around his, pulling his arm down. He nods, and continues.

“I ended up traveling a little, once I was sure no one was on my trail. I’m good at hiding. I knew how to keep in the shadows, keep a low profile. I went to places I had dreams of or remembered something from. I eventually ended up in Romania, stayed there for nine months, the longest I’ve stayed in one place. I found a little rhythm there, despite knowing it wouldn’t last. It’s why I kept that backpack hidden. Each time I filled a notebook up, I would put it in the bag.”

Bucky takes in a slow breath, his bottom lip shaking a little as he exhales. “I didn’t think I would get it back, hell, if I would even see it again. I kept thinking that all my thoughts, the memories I was slowly piecing back together was gone. Then I figured it mattered because I didn’t think I would be around long enough.” He pauses to smile at Ana. “I’m glad you got it for me.”

“Me too.” Ana agrees. 

It wasn’t very hard either. All she had to do was back Steve up on why Bucky should have it back. Ana pitched that not only was it the sole item he owned and deemed important enough to run away with, Ana stated it would help with the sessions. They were granted the back pack, heavy with the weight of fragmented memories; Bucky’s life.

“I don’t even know who I am anymore.” Bucky whispers, nervously twisting his fingers again. “That’s what I was trying to figure out for those two years. Who I was. Who I am. “  
  
“You know, sometimes it takes people their whole life to figure that out.” Ana tells him. “You don’t have to figure it out right now.”  
  
He stares at her for a moment, appraising her. “Who do you think I am?”  
  
Ana nudges her heeled boot against his own boot. “I can’t answer that for you, Buck.”  
  
“Try? Maybe I can get a sense of what I think is true or not.”  
  
Ana purses her lips, letting her fall back against her until she’s staring at the sky. She thinks for several moments, all while Bucky is playing with the heel of her boot with his foot. Ana smiles at puffy looking clouds and remembers his nervousness before. It’s the little things that makes Ana pick her head up.  
  
“Let’s start with this.” She suggests. “Who were you before the war, before you enlisted? Try not to recite anything from the museum. Try to remember, if you can, what you wrote in your journals.”  
  
Bucky takes his time to ponder through his thoughts. Ana doesn’t push him, just waits patiently, watches as his brows furrow deeper. There’s a downward tilt to is mouth, and he runs his hands through his long hair a few times. Slowly, he licks his bottom lip and opens his mouth.

“I was…” He begins slowly. "A boy from Brooklyn. I had…I had 4 younger siblings, I had parents. Met Steve on a playground, saved him from one of the neighborhood bullies. I- I used to love dancing, and uh, science, I think.”  
  
“Why did you sign up for the war?” Ana inquires quietly.  
  
He frowns, thinking. “I wanted to fight, help defend my country. Do anything I can to take down the bad guys. People who think they can do whatever they want to innocent people, just because of their Heritage, their religion, their pacifist views to stay out of war.”  
  
“You wanted to defend the people who couldn’t defend themselves. “ Ana suggests.  
  
“I guess. Is this a history lesson?”  
  
“Your history lesson.” She smiles.  
  
Bucky’s lips twitch like he’s trying to force out his own smile. He frowns in thought for a moment, then turns his head so he can look through the glass and towards the lab. With his head turned, Ana has a clear view of his strong jawline, and with it, the clenching of that muscle. Ana has an abrupt urge to reach out, feel the scruffy hair on his cheek, calm the tense muscle and gritting teeth. She doesn’t do it.

Instead, Ana follows his gaze. They can’t see fully into the room, as the doors are shut, but it’s enough for Ana to cotton on. She knows that some times, most of the time, the workers around her stare at them. Some do it out of sheer curiosity, others look on with apprehension, and some with blatant distaste. The looks make her heart Ana for Bucky. For someone who is trying his hardest just to have a sense of normalcy back in his life.

"I guess it doesn’t really matter, does it?” Bucky says, pulling Ana’s focus back on him. He isn’t looking at her. “No matter what I end up doing, they all see me as a monster.”

Ana reaches out to tug on his hair, making him meet her eyes. “Stop that. I mean it. Their opinions shouldn’t have any worth to you. No matter how hard we try, people some times just can’t change others mindsets. That’s other people being closed minded, not willing to see past anything else.”

“They’re right though.” He sounds defeated. “I am a monster, with everything I have done. That’s all I can see when I look at myself.”

“That’s because all you see is inside here, and no offense, but that’s not the best support system, pal.” Ana gently taps is forehead. “You have different views of yourself because you live with it every single day. All you have seen is what Hydra has done to you, what they made you do. They warped you into their puppet, but that’s not what you are, Bucky. There are people on the outside that see differently.”  
  
“What do you see?”  Bucky whispers, suddenly meeting her eyes.

The deep rumble of his voice pins Ana right where she is. She suddenly feels herself lost in the ocean of his eyes, almost begging her to tell him she sees the opposite. Ana is glad they’re on the outside on the little terrace for this conversation that suddenly took a turn into deeper waters. Some times their talks turn personal, way too deep and way too private to be sat in an open room with people surrounding them.

Ana drops her eyes to Bucky’s hand, twisting them together nervously. She doesn’t know how or why, but suddenly Ana knows that Bucky values her opinion of him. Carefully, she reaches out, wrapping her fingers around the middle of where his hands meets. He drops his left hand, squeezing her fingers with his right ones.

“I see,” She begins slowly, weighing the words in her mouth. Is it too much too soon to tell him exactly what she thinks? “Someone with a good heart, who has been trying to accept a past that was forced on him. Trying to make amends, trying to move forward as much as he can.”

Ana takes a breath and just goes for it.

“I think you’ve had a lot of horrific shit happen to you and it’s absolutely not deserved. Not at all. But it happened and you…you’re still alive even after escaping it. You could’ve gone back, you could’ve continued your Winter Soldier persona, but you didn’t. You decided to leave. You decided to survive. You have this amazing desire to fight for yourself. “

She shakes his hand a little to convey what she means. "This drive in you to live, to fight, to survive no matter how painful and confusing things might be. I think you have always defended others, and when it got switch, when they twisted your mind, when they  _owned_  it, that never went away. You still have this fighting spirit about you. You’re defending yourself.”  
  
“I am?” Bucky asks, confusion washing over his face.  
  
“Yes! You are!” Ana tells him, determined to make him believe her. “I’ve seen the footage. I have seen those horrible tapes and what those disgusting people did to you. As hard as it was to watch, you know what I saw?”

Bucky shakes his head.

“ _Willpower_. You weren’t fighting for anyone but yourself. You fought tooth and nail and you continued to do so, and you  _still_  are. That’s who I think you are at your core. That you don’t know how to give up because that isn’t you. Giving up is not who you are. You defend, you fight, you survive.”   
  
Ana takes a breath, to calm herself because sometimes she can get worked up over people when they don’t see themselves right. Especially her friends. Especially someone like Bucky who has had his world tilted and screwed with. A nervous flutter goes through her stomach when she says this next part.  
  
“I didn’t know you then, Bucky, but I’m getting to know you now. I think you are kind and sweet, and you have this…gentleness about you. I think that comes from being reserved which is okay, because again, you’ve been through horrible things. You’re determined and willing to fix whatever you think is broken about you. 

“I think you’re trying your hardest to be whole again to feel normal. Which, normalcy is overrated anyway. You haven’t given up and honestly, I don’t think you know how to. I don’t think you have it in you to give up because at your core,” Ana gently places her hand on his chest, “you have this drive to live.”  
  
Ana falls silent, but keeps she hand at his chest. She can faintly feel his heart beating fast, though she ignores it because Bucky is looking at her. He is looking straight at her, and the intensity of his incredibly blue eyes makes her stomach clench, and heart rate pick up. She vaguely hears her own breathing pick up, and the thick air surrounding them dries out her lips. Slowly, she rubs her lips together, rubbing her tongue over them. Bucky’s eyes drop and it’s like a trance is broken. He meets her gaze once more.

Ana takes her hand away. “Sorry.” She mumbles, suddenly feeling embarrassed. “I can get, overly passionate. Empath’s curse.” She chuckles.

Bucky shakes his head again, a slowly careful movement. “It’s what I like about you.”

She can feel her eyes widen. “What?”

“You don’t tend to hold back your feelings with anyone.” Bucky explains, smiling a little. “Whether you’re verbally putting people in their place, or trying to convince them to see themselves the way you see them.”

“I put people in their place?” Ana questions, confused.

“It’s a little…” He trails off trying to find the right word. “Intimidating. Intriguing. I like that about you too.”

The giant pumping muscle in Ana’s chest decides to flutter. The second Ana opens her mouth again, is the second she knows she’s flirting. She doesn’t mean too, she’s curious, but that’s not how her next question comes out.

“That’s two now.” She smirks at him, “what else do you like about me, Bucky?”

Bucky matches her smirk, a glimmer of mirth replacing the intensive stare from a minute ago. “It would be easier to tell you what I don’t like.”

Ana narrows her eyes. Suspicious.

“I don’t like that you hide the Nutella. That you think you’re so clever, stashing it away in that little nook on top of the cabinets. I don’t like that you don’t think I see your every move and you think you can out smart me, darling.”

Ana’s mouth drops. “You saw me!?”

“I was standing there the whole time.” He laughs.

“Oh, my God. _Oh, my God_ , that’s why it keeps getting smaller!” Ana points her finger at him. “You’ve been eating it! Wait, how do you just do that?”

“Do what?” 

“Appear out of nowhere. I can never understand.”

Bucky leans forward, until Ana can smell the lingering mint of his toothpaste. Ana determined keeps her eyes on his. “It’s a secret.”

Then, Bucky winks at her. He fucking winks at her. He slowly gets up from the chair, leaving Ana still pinned to her own seat, and a fluttering heart.

 

**********************************************************************


	18. Chapter 18

Ana rarely has lunch in her room, but given her current guest, she decided to do so. Ana narrows her eyes, unblinking. It’s funny when people think they can out stare her; she’s been glaring at people from an early age. It’s a skilled trait she learned from her father, which was passed down to her brother, then Ana, and even extends to Pepper. Ana has only been on the reviving end of Pepper’s glare once. She wonders how Tony is able to sit through it every day, and is currently sitting through it now. Maybe he’s immune to the Potts family glare by now.  
  
“You’re not going to win.” Ana states. “I’m related to Pepper.”  
  
It takes another ten seconds for Tony to scoff, rolling his eyes up. He looks fed up already. “I told you-“  
  
“I didn’t think it was necessary at the time.”  
  
“Twice.”  
  
“I had it in my pocket-“  
  
“But  _no_ -“  
  
“-It’s not a big-“  
  
“-She has to be stubborn-“  
  
“-You’re so dramatic-“  
  
“-Prove a point.”  
  
Ana throws her crumpled napkin at his face. “It’s not to prove a point.”  
  
Tony gives her a look, one that calls her bullshit out.  
  
“Fine. Maybe it’s just to prove that I trust him. Why is that so wrong? I always have it with me, Tony. Just in case.”  
  
He sits up straighter, picking the napkin up from his lap and dropping it on his plate. “ _You_  might trust Barnes, but if he’s triggered-“  
  
“Then trust me!” Ana interrupts vehemently. “Trust me to do what I was asked, that I can help him.”  
  
“You know it’s not that simple.” He sighs. “I gave you that bracelet for a reason. Plus, Pep found out-“  
  
“Fucking Hell.” Ana slumps in her seat. “She doesn’t need to worry about me. Neither do you.” She pinches the bridge of her nose in annoyance.   
  
Tony sighs again. “It’s not you I’m worried about.”  
  
Ana drops her hand, clenching her fist. “Are you ever not going to hate him? Just forever hold a grudge? It’s terrible what happened, Tony, nothing can change that. But he was brainwashed _, controlled_ by Hydra. Don’t you think he has enough crippling guilt without you reminding him every single time?”  
  
The lights flicker in the room briefly. The radio that has been playing softly in the background abruptly plays feedback. Both of them look around the room for a moment, confused as to what just happened.   
  
“FRIDAY.” Tony speaks calmly, pressing the side of his glasses. “Check the transformers for me, west side of the house. What’s the status?”  
  
Ana blinks down at her hands.   
  
_“Transformers are at 100%. No current issues at hand_.” The soothing voice of the AI reports.  
  
“Hmm.”  
  
Ana lifts her eyes and Tony’s own are apprising her. The tips of her finger tingle for a few moments, and when she flexes her hands, it’s gone.  
  
“Want to tell me what the hell that was?”  
  
“I don’t know.” Ana answers honestly, a little breathlessly. “That hasn’t happened in years.”  
  
“You got a little passionate there. Overprotective, I might say.”  
  
“Lack of sleep?” She shrugs sheepishly.  
  
Tony purses his lips. “Look, Ana. I understand where you’re coming from. I understand the situation, it wasn’t him, it's Hydra, blah blah.”  
  
Ana glares again. She's run out of napkins to throw at him.  
  
“You just need to understand it’s going to take time.”  
  
“I do." She says softly. "I’m not asking you to forgive him right away, or at all if you want. Just, please don’t make him feel worse than he already does. He’s hardly coming out of his room because of it.”  
  
“You’ve seem to take quite a liking to Barnes.” Tony observes, narrowing his eyes suspiciously.   
  
Ana shifts in her seat, willing the creeping blush to stay down. “Yeah. That’s not a bad thing. I’ve been getting to know him. Really know him, and you know what? He’s the only person I know that takes immense responsibility for everything he has done, even though he was not the mastermind behind it all. So yes. I feel protective over him because he is trying his best every day to feel normal and to accept what happened to him.”  
  
Tony seems to consider her for several moments. Then the right side of his mouth quirks up, and he leans forward, patting her hand. “That fiery attitude runs deep in your family.”  
  
“Yes it does.” Ana states proudly. “Stubborn passion to the core.”  
  
“Hmm. That’s why your father took your mother’s last name instead?”  
  
“Yes.” She pauses. “And because he loved her name, wanted her to keep her heritage.”  
  
“Alright, Firecracker. Let's call it a truce for now." Tony says.  
  
Ana grumbles under her breathe, because that was not a truce, nor did she want to call for it. Tony stands, as does Ana collecting their empty plates. She notices Tony look around her room casually, but she knows him. The set of his shoulders gives him away, no matter how nonchalant he may come across. Ana sighs internally.

"What is it?" She questions, balancing the plates on her arms.

He turns to face her, taking out a small, clear device from his pocket. He props it up on the desk, tapping the top and a digital screen projects in the air. Upon closer inspection, Ana sees a picture of a closed off building, surrounded by poles and pole of power lines. Next to that picture are three faces with small bios beneath each one.

"Am I supposed to know what I'm looking at?”

Tony makes a noise that sounds suspiciously like a scoff. "There's been suspicious activity around the area, and those three have been on the radar surrounding it. It's a power plant built on the outskirts of Manhattan."

Ana frowns. "That is...strange."

"We're keeping an eye on it," He explains, tapping the image in front of him. The picture enlarges, and Ana can see the building is heavily guarded. "According to intel, it has more to do with energy converting than actual power sources."

Narrowing her eyes, Ana takes a step back. "One, why is this the Avengers concern and not the governments, since, you know, the Accords bullshit?"

"This one may or may not have slipped through their fingers." Tony answers, raising his eyebrows knowingly. Ah, he stole the file.

"Of course. Two-" Ana double taps the device and the screen shuts off. "No. No, no, and no." She can practically feel Tony's eye roll as she turns her back on him to leave. 

"It's right up your alley, Ana. I'm keeping an eye on it because that type of energy can be dangerous. Could knock out the entire Northern part of America. They're hiding something bigger than we can see. You can-"

"I can nothing, Tony." Ana says, turning around to walk backwards. He follows her out. "I'm non-combatant, remember. Plus, I'd have no idea how to stop something like that, so no."

"It's just a backup plan for now. We don't even know if it will come to that."

"Yes, you do, that's why-oof!"

The plates Ana are carrying tumble out of her arms as her back slams into something solid. Thankfully the dishes are cleared of food and they fall on the rug that's laid over the wood floors. Ana curses under her breath, and briefly looks up at Tony. He's got a strange look on his face, a mix between amused and something akin to distrust. 

When Ana turns, she figures she should just be used to the board, muscular chest she seems to come face to face with. It happens more often than not, so much that Ana is beginning to think he does it on purpose. She isn't wearing her heeled boots, so when she looks up at Bucky, he's a good foot taller than her.

"Sorry." Bucky winces, quickly bending to pick up the plates. "Let me help."

"We have to stop meeting like this, Bucky." Ana smirks, can't help using a classic line.

He straightens with the dishes in his face, smiling at her. "I know when you're referencing clichés."

Ana beams at him. "Were you looking for me?"

"Actually-" His eyes float past her shoulder, and his smile slowly disappears. "Uh...yes."

"Everything okay?" She's beginning to feel the energy in the air turn anxious.

"Fine. Uh- Sam just requested, demanded really, a movie night tonight. Was wondering if you wanted to join?"

Ana is about to say yes but hesitates. She looks over her shoulder. "Is Pepper coming here tonight? Did you want to do dinner?"

That little knowing smirk is back on Tony's mouth. "She's finalizing the last touches for the Gala in two days, so no."

"The Gala?" Ana questions. "Oh! Oh, I'm supposed to go to that, aren't I?"

"Seeing as it's to benefit mental health care, yes."

Ana turns back around to Bucky. She catches a glimpse of apprehension on his face before his expression shifts to neutral. "Then yes." She smiles at him.

The smile Bucky returns doesn't quiet reach his eyes. "Great. I'll uh-" he holds the plates up. "Go put these away." He suddenly turns, walking down the hall.

Ana watches him go, his board shoulders disappearing from sight. Tony chuckles lowly behind her.

"Shut up." Ana mumbles, flicking him off briefly.

"Rude." Tony scoffs. "Cap would be disappointed in that sort of behavior."

***

There are times where Bucky finds himself alone in the compound. Everyone either out on a mission, or training, or doing what they like to do. He isn't sure what everyone's hobbies are, but he is quickly realizing he has one himself. It's a fairly new development. Usually, Bucky stays within his room, still jotting down random thoughts and memories that pop up in his brain. He writes them down to try to make sense of them, rearrange them on the timeline he has made of his life.

Sometimes Bucky heads down to the gym. He knows he doesn't necessarily need to lift weights or train, but it helps clear his head. He likes feeling the strain in his muscles, the sweat running down his temples and back. Makes him feel like he is free to do something whenever he wants. That he isn't encased, trapped inside a glass tube wasting away the years. He has control over working out. He has control of writing in his journals. He has control of watching movies he needs to catch up on, or TV shows he can binge. He does not have control over his new, confusing, hobby. 

Bucky has taken to watching Ana. It just happens one day, and he didn't mean to stare at her for as long as he did, but. He did. He does. The first time it happened was an early morning after another restless night. Bucky had gotten out of bed to get himself a glass of water, hoping it would chill his overly heated skin. When he happened to look out through the glass doors, Ana was sitting out on the patio. Ezra fast asleep on the table top.

She had her laptop in front of her on the table. Her legs bare up to her muscular thighs before meeting the hem of her shorts, were stretched out to rest her feet on the chair next to her. She was wearing a black zip up jacket, one side hanging off her right shoulder. Her brunette hair was pulled into a messy up do, the shorter hairs falling around her face. However, it was the addition of black framed, oval shaped glasses she wore on her nose that had Bucky not taking his eyes off her.

He had watched her type away for what felt like hours. Content to just see her nimble fingers move quickly over the keyboard. He noticed her scrunch her nose to adjust her glasses. He guesses she needs them while staring at the screen for a while. Noticed when she moves her foot side to side like she's listening to a beat in her head. Watched as she took her hand away to tap her thumb twice against her collarbone. It took the sun to fully rise before Bucky realize how...creepy he might look by staring at her. He fled the kitchen after that.

It just continued from here. Bucky watches her during their talking sessions, taking notice of her every expression. Or he watches as she pushes her hair back and finds himself wondering if her hair feels as soft as it looks. He watches her lips move as she talks, forming around certain words and sometimes Bucky has to ask her to repeat herself because he wasn't paying attention. It's not his fault; sometimes her full lips are painted with muted red lipstick.

Other times Bucky just notices her mannerisms. How Ana tends to talk with her hands whenever she's rambling faster than most people can keep up with. How she can't seem to keep her feet still while she's sitting. How when she takes a sip of coffee, her pinkie finger supports the bottom of the mug. The best part of observing her, is how she has a smile for each one of her friends, and even for the people who aren't. 

Ana smiles softly when looking at the cat, or talking about her cousin, Pepper. Even when she talks to Wanda about their past, their shared, heartbreaking connection of losing a brother. That smile is soft, but sad as she reminiscences. There are sarcastic smiles while she chats with Sam and Clint. Content ones while sitting with Steve, mischievous with Natasha and fond while she listens to Stark. Maybe even a little dreamy whenever Thor comes to visit. Bucky gets a strange clenching in his chest when he sees that smile. The same clenching happens whenever Ana is smiling carefree at Max.

Ana tends to have smiles that are anything but friendly. Bucky has noticed it whenever Jared Sharp and she interact. Those smiles are snarky, mocking, and sometimes a little scary for anyone on the receiving end. Some smiles are really grimaces when Simon Mills and Agent Woods are mentioned. Though Bucky can't seem to find anything wrong with Agent Woods other than him wanting to step in where he isn't welcomed.

Bucky finds himself wondering if she has a certain smile just for him. It's a strange thought that makes his stomach feel funny, weird. A feeling he hasn't felt in so, so long he almost doesn't realize what it is. He ignores that feeling, pushing it deep down because he can't make sense of it. He shouldn't make sense of it, he shouldn't think about them, because even though he knows exactly what those feeling entail, nothing would come of them.  
  
Currently, Bucky is in the kitchen, taking out a water bottle after holding up in his room. His mind has been running restlessly lately, jumbled with broken images. He wrote what he could down in his journals, even grabbing one of the new ones Ana gave him, jotting down full sentences. He had taken to staying in after Ana literally ran into him; again. He may or may not have done it on purpose that time, just to see her, except her didn't realize she was carrying glass. He also didn't realize she had been talking with Tony Stark.

The cool water relieves his parched throat, eyes falling on the two girls outside in the yard. Ana is throwing rocks at Wanda, who is redirecting them to makeshift targets on tree trunks. He pulls the bottle away, finds himself smiling as Ana laughs at something Wanda said. The air shifts behind Bucky, an all too familiar feeling of warning with being a highly trained assassin. It doesn't feel like a threat, not yet, but he isn't surprised when a voice breaks the silence.

"You know, you if stare any harder she might notice and throw a rock at you."

Bucky grips the water bottle. Anxiety begins to wash over him, along with waves of apprehension, guilt, remorse, and more guilt. He inhales slowly through his nose, willing his heart to remain calm. Stark isn't here to exact revenge on Bucky, and he has to remind himself of that.

"Wouldn't be the first time." Bucky says while exhaling. "She's fond of throwing things."

"That she is." Tony agrees. "We may have some, I'll say differences, but we have one thing in common. I see it in your eyes, Sergeant."

"Care to enlighten me, Stark." Bucky prompts, keeping his tone level.

"You care for her." Tony states. Bucky's eyes snap to his. "Which means you'll want to protect her in case anything happens. However, I'm not sure you can protect her from yourself just yet." His eyes flicker to his left arm.

Bucky wholeheartedly agrees. "Not an uncommon opinion." He understands Tony's concern. In fact, Tony seems to be the only one concerned about it.

A silence falls between them, one that feels a little awkward. Bucky tries to keep his gaze focused on the girls outside. Tries to keep his anxiety from spiking, his guilt from overcoming him as he stands next to the man whose life he ruined. He takes another sip from the water bottle.

"Depending on how things go," Tony suddenly speaks, "we might request your help on an upcoming mission."

That takes Bucky by surprise. He looks over at him with raises eyebrows. "Are you sure I'm ready for that?"

“Rogers is, and if he is, so am I."

Bucky shakes his head in disbelief.  
  
"So far, though, things seem to be going well." Tony states casually.

"She seems to think so."

"You don't?"

"I know what I'm capable of." Bucky says lowly. He's terrified of it honestly.  
Tony nods. "Ana is smart, she knows what she's doing."

"I have no doubt."

Another silence comes between them, at least this time it isn't as awkward, and they seem to have reached a mutual understanding. Bucky finishes off the water, slowly crushing the empty bottle between his hand. The crunch of plastic fills the air, as the sound of laughter echoes from outside.

Tony raps his knuckles on the counter top twice. "Right then. Good talk. Oh, and Barnes," He turns to face him fully, a fiery determination in his dark eyes. "If you end up hurting her in anyway, I _will_ blow your arm off. This time I won't miss."

"You'll have to beat me to it, in that case." Bucky tells him firmly. Ripping off his own metal arm would be less painful than harming Ana.

Tony nods. It feels like an odd sort of approval. Bucky sees him hesitate for a moment, then Tony reaches out, patting his shoulder twice. Ana walks in on that moment, a perplexed but happy little smile on her face. She swipes a napkin from the table, wiping her hands off, then walks towards them. She takes the crushed bottle from Bucky, stepping on a paddle under the counter and dropping the bottle into the recycle compactor.

"What'cha fine fellas chatting about?" She questions, looking between them.

Bucky hopes she can't feel the nervous energy surrounding him.

"ACDC, Barnes." Tony says lightly. "If you haven't gotten a chance to look them up. Best band ever."

"Um-" Ana pipes in, "The Rolling Stones?"

"Zeppelin."

"Pink Floyd."

"The Who."

"Queen."

"Guns and Roses."

Bucky is extremely confused and entertained at the same time.

"Earth Wind and Fire!" Sam's voice interrupts from down the hall. 

"No one asked you, Big Bird!" Ana calls. Tony laughs.

"I hate you!" Sam responds back.

"Such a troublemaker." Bucky mumbles.

Ana beams innocently at him.

"Don't let them fool you, Barnes." Sam tells him, handing him a CD. "Best band ever right there."

Rolling her eyes, Ana ignores him. "I'm ordering pizza. Wanda and I are starving, and we need food before movies. Jot down what you all want, and I'll call."

It leads to Sam and Tony arguing about which pizza place is best to order from. Bucky is just glad the conversation from earlier didn't end up being hostile. His nervousness has calmed down, and when Bucky gives Ana the little paper with everyone's request, she smiles kindly at him. She ends up ordering extra garlic knots just for him.

 

***********************************************************************************

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In case this hasn’t been clear yet, Ana and Pepper Potts are cousins because, fiction! Pepper is Ana’s father’s niece.
> 
> Thanks for reading! <3


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Nightmares/terrors

Ana has her laptop open, typing away another email to Telly, about using computer programming’s for psychological assessments and what the benefits of advanced technology can have on rerouting the brain. It doesn't last long, since their conversations bleeds over into text messages, and they end up talking about the cutest breed of puppies. That's when Natasha, Vision and Steve walk in, back from a small mission.

She offers to heat up the leftover pizza for them on the oven. She closes her laptop, pushing it aside and turning the oven on. They inform her how the mission went, as she grabs plates for them. Ana is content to just listen, asking a few questions here and there when she gets curious. 

Ana is laughing at Natasha's old geezer joke, holding the half-eaten pizza crust in front of her mouth when she hears it. When they all hear it. A muffled scream echoes down the hallway, coming from the side where her room is. Where Bucky's room is. Ana shoots off her seat faster than Vision can even phase himself there, the stool falling backwards and the crust flying through the air.

"Bucky!?"

She reaches Bucky's door, bruising her palm when she slams down on the handle. It's locked. He sometimes keeps it locked at night, and before she can even think, a foot is breaking open the door. Ana vaguely hears someone trying to stop her, but all she can focus on is Bucky pressing himself to the corner of the wall. The second she steps foot into the room, the tainted, terrified energy hits her like a freight train. She nearly stumbles but reaches Bucky's line of sight.

The light switches on. Ana sees how wide Bucky's eyes are, his irises just a ring of blue around his pupils. They're wild, his eyes, shifting frantically around the room, trying to focus on something, anything. Trying to be aware of his surroundings. His left hand is digging into the wall, metal fingers denting the plaster. His breathing is rapid, harsh, panicked.

"Bucky?" Ana slowly steps forward, someone's hand grips her shoulder in warning. She ignores it. Bucky's eyes shift in her direction. 

"You're safe." She speaks soft but firm. She carefully holds her hands up. His energy already stinging her fingertips. "You are safe here, Bucky. You're in Hudson, New York."

She breathes in quietly and begins to transfer her own energy into the air. She doesn't take her eyes off his face; the blue of his eyes slowly regaining clarity. His labored breathing begins to calm down. Ana shrugs the hand off her shoulder, taking two more steps forward.

"Don't...come closer." Bucky whispers shakily, pressing his hand further to the wall. It cracks.

"You're not going to hurt me." She promises, offering a tiny smile. She doesn't take another step. Not yet. "Bucky, you're with me. With Steve, at the compound. Home."

Bucky squeezes his eyes shut, inhales and exhales quickly. When he reopens them, he looks a little more relaxed. His muscles are still tense, and the air is still thick with his fear. Ana decides to slide her feet forward, hands still out stretched, palms open. She smiles at him again, keeps her expression open and calm. 

"I need you to come back to me, Bucky." Ana whispers.

She's close now, can see how dark the color of his eyes are. Can see the sweat on his forehead, on his bare, heaving chest. His shoulders are shaking just slightly, but Bucky tentatively lifts his right hand, reaching out. Their fingertips graze together, Ana keeps pressing her hand forward until their hands are flat against each other’s. She takes the last step into his personal space, and gently presses her right palm on his chest, over his pounding heart.

Instantly, she can feel just how dark, how utterly horrifying his dream was. Ensnaring Bucky's mind, drowning him in memories, in his worst fears. Ana grits her teeth in an effort not to show her transmuting the energy from his dark one, into her safe, lighter one.

"Breathe." She murmurs. 

She can feel her eyelashes flutter, trying to keep her eyes open and zoned on Bucky's. There's a deep furrow to his brow, his lips turned down, but he follows her instruction. He inhales deeply, copying her own breathing pattern. Ana repeats it three times, and Bucky follows her; matches her. He finally pulls his left hand from the wall, carefully placing it over Ana's hand on his chest. The metal of his palm is warm, most likely from the heated charge of their energies.  

Finally, Bucky nods. Ana smiles the best she can, ignoring the prickling of her skin. She's just relieved that the horror in Bucky's eyes are gone. He dips his head down, his clammy forehead connecting with hers. He smells like clean sweat, and almost like firewood from whatever body wash he decided to go with. Ana focuses on his smell, how it reminds her of a warm summers night, uses the positive thought and sends it through the air.

His breath is warm against her cheeks, a slight hint of spearmint tells her Bucky hasn't been asleep for long. She sees his bottom lip tremble, watches as his teeth dig into the soft, plump flesh. Ana allows her eyes to close, feels the chaotic fear in Bucky's mind, in his body fade away. Feels his heartbeat change from frantic to a calmer, steadier rhythm.

"Real?" Bucky murmurs, delicately squeezing Ana's knuckles.

"Yes." She mutters back, "I'm real. This is real. You're safe."

Bucky takes a deep calming breath.

"Buck?"

Steve's cautious voice causes a mild reaction. Bucky pulls Ana closer to his chest, his left arm coming across her back, angling their bodies so the majority of Bucky's own torso is towards the open door. With a startling realization, Ana knows Bucky is protecting her. It happens all within two seconds, his post traumatic mind trying to shield her from whatever was haunting his dream. The next second, Bucky deflates, audibly letting out a sigh of relief. However, when he looks down at Ana, finally meeting her eyes, Bucky immediately steps away, pulling his left arm back so quick it's a blur of sliver.

"Sorry." He mutters sheepishly.

Ana shakes her head, mainly because the sudden loss of contact made her head swim. She did pull the tainted energy out of the air, and she has been holding it in for a while now. She can feel it. She can feel all of it, and it's taking everything in her not to visibly react. She can't let them, especially Bucky, see that she's struggling.

"You alright?" Ana questions instead. She breathes slowly through her nose.

Bucky nods. "Yeah, I think so." He glances around the room quickly, then back at Ana. "I'm good."

She catches the flicker of his eyes as he stares at her. She sees it dawn on him, and not for the first time, Bucky sees straight through her. His lips part as if he's about to ask if Ana is alright herself, but Steve speaks up again. She's grateful for that. Doesn't want to burden Bucky with something trivial and unnecessary.

"Let's take a walk." Steve suggests, "if you're up for it."

Bucky's jaw clenches once, his lips pinched tight at the corners. He looks like he might turn it down, but Ana gives him a look, tilting her head slightly. She's fine. He should go walk with his best friend. Finally, Bucky smiles over at him. Steve gently clasps his hand on Bucky's shoulder, and leads them out of the room. Bucky spares one last glance over his shoulder to her, before exiting the room.

Ana waits five seconds before she bends over, catching herself on her knees. She releases a giant gasp, squeezing her eyes shut as her heart clenches, her mind twists and her chest heaves. She can feel her body shaking, can feel her head swimming through something thick like molasses.  

"Ms. Rios." Vision speaks up, calm voice washing through her ears. "You need to lie down."

There's a soft hand on her back. "Vision is right." Natasha is saying next to her. "Bad energy. Need to get you out of this room."

Ana can hardly respond. She brings her hands to her head, crouching down until she's hovering over the carpet. The fear of the nightmare is beginning to cripple her, and she can't focus on anything other than that. Other than the darkness that haunts Bucky every night. It's debilitating, but if she can take this away from him every day, she will. Over and over again, because he shouldn't have to feel this. He shouldn't have to relive these horrors. No wonder he can't sleep.

"Fuck." Ana hisses through her teeth.

"Ana, come on. Listen to my voice." Nat coaches, just like Ana did with Bucky. "Breath. You can control it. You can do this."

Nodding, Ana attempts to sort through her mind, finds something to hold onto. The first clear image she has is of Bucky. He's not even paying attention to her. He's just sitting on the couch, head tilted back, looking peaceful. It was that night she first made crepes, when they had accidentally fallen asleep on the sofa. Before Ezra decided to hunker down and intimated him. Ana had woken up once, sat up to see where she was and that's what she saw. Bucky asleep; calm and serene.

Ana slowly stands up, with the help of Vision and Natasha. She counts her inhales and exhales, feeling the tingling in her finger tips. She gradually gathers the negative energy, focusing it in her hands as she brings them together. She can either touch something in the room, the lamp or the clock to redirect it, or, she can try something she hasn't before in a long time. Ana claps her hands together, a brief dark blue light emits from between her palms, and just like that, it's gone.

"Thatta girl." Natasha praises.

"I will go put on the kettle." Vision states. "I will have your vitamin shot ready for you."

"Thank you, Vision." Ana expresses quietly. She gives him a reassuring smile that let him know she's okay.

Natasha slowly guides Ana out of the room, and they barely make it to the couch before Ana passes out on the cushions.  
  
***

Something soft and warm is gently pressing against the crook of Ana's elbow. Her eyes flutter open, and when she's met with concerned ocean colored ones, she sits up. Her head swims momentarily. Ana rapidly blinks for several seconds until she can focus.

"Take it easy, Ana." Bucky tells her, placing his hand on her shoulder. "Vision said you've been out for three hours."

"What?" Ana ask confused, pressing her hand to her forehead briefly. She finds the time on the DVR box. It's a quarter past two in the morning.

Bucky leans over to grab a bottle of green liquid from the coffee table. "I was told to give you this when you woke. I'm not sure what the hell it is, but it looks disgusting."

Scrunching her nose, Ana takes the bottle. "Some super veggie fruit drink. It's just as gross as it looks."

"What's this?"

He presses his thumb into the delicate skin of her elbow again. Ana looks down as she takes a sip, wincing at the taste of the juice. There's a tiny red dot, the skin surrounding it is a shade darker than normal.   
  
"Vitamin shot." Ana explains, shivering from the sharp taste of raw veggies. "It's infused with different types of vitamins and nutrients to help bring my levels back up."

"And why is that required?"

Ana meets Bucky's gaze. He knows why, he doesn't need to ask her that. However, the subtle hint of distress laced in the fibers of his blue, so blue eyes makes her want to reassure him. She sighs.

"My vitals tend to drop quickly if I use my ability after being stagnant for a while. Using it just drops my blood sugar or pressure. It takes the energy out of my own body if I'm not careful. I tend to pass out sometimes. It's no big deal."

Bucky scoffs, his eyes harden. "No big deal? It's happened twice now. Because of me."

She frowns. She leans closer, holding her finger up in a threatening manner. "Don't you dare blame yourself, Bucky. This is not your fault. This was my decision to help you. It's happened before, so you have no fault in this at all. Got it?"

Bucky wraps his fingers around her index, bring their hands down to his thigh. "Because you decided to help me."

"Bucky-"

"Thank you."

Ana frowns quizzically at him. She decides to just accept his gratitude. "You're welcome. Want to talk about it?"

Turning her hand over, Bucky swipes his thumb over the scars on her wrist. "What exactly happened?"

"Another story for another day." She answers.

Suddenly, Ezra jumps on the couch between them, walking over their joined hands and aggressively headbutting Ana. She pursues her lips making little smacking sounds until the cat bops his nose with hers. Then something happens that mildly shocks her. Bucky lift his hand and gently scratches behind Ezra's ear. Ezra begins to purr.

"Uh..."

"He kept brushing up against my leg, we formed a bond. He was worried about you." Bucky elaborates, a small smirk on his bitten lips. When he locks his eyes with Ana, a protective glint shines fiercely in them. "As was I."

Something flutters in her chest. "You were worried about me?"

Bucky bites his bottom lip, teeth catching the skin. Ana stares until his teeth release the plump lip, now a dark red. Slowly, Ana brings her eyes back up, and she swears her mind is still slow on the waking up process. She did pass out for a few hours, she can't be blamed for thinking Bucky's lips are fascinating. There's a soft pink tint to his cheeks.

"I was." He answers quietly. "I thought I somehow ended up hurting you. I didn't think I did. I was careful, but then Natasha told me you passed out and I thought...maybe..."

He trails off, eyes dropping to his prosthetic arm, clenching his hand. Ana knew he was protecting her from his arm again in his room. He was protecting anyone who got close enough from it. Putting the bottle between her thighs, Ana takes both her hands to cover Bucky's metal one.

"Bucky, you have to stop thinking you're going to hurt me with this arm." She tells him gently. "Why do you think that?"

His face twitches for a moment, a painful expression flashing across his face. "From everything I remember, I tend to lash out with it more." He inhales deeply, then says, "you are way too delicate to have anything this horrific harm you, Ana."

"Delicate?" Ana frowns, trying not to feel offended. "You see me as delicate?"

Bucky huffs a chuckle. "Give me time to explain before you go all badass, sharp tongued on me, darling."

She narrows her eyes playfully at him. "Fine. Go on, Sergeant."

For the first time the roles are reserved. Bucky gently tugs the bottom of her hair. His fingers linger for a moment. "What I mean is, you're delicate in a way of resilience. You have a genuine heart and that's way too good for someone like me to taint it."

"You really need to stop with that self-deprecating shit, Bucky. Seriously." Ana tells him. "You need to start seeing yourself the way-"

"The way you see me?"

Ana can feel the blush slowly creeping over her cheeks. However, she embraces it because- "Yes."

Bucky shakes his head, a sad sort of smile gracing his lips. "I don't see how you do."

"We're going to be at an impasse with this, aren't we?"

"You're too stubborn for your own good, sweetheart."

"Thank you."

Chuckling under his breath, Bucky looks over at the time. "You should get more sleep. Let your body regain its strength."

Ezra has hunkered down between them, content to jellybean on their legs. Ana slowly pulls his black tail between her fingers. His purrs are soft, but sound loud throughout the quiet night.

"I just had a three hour nap." Ana says, "plus, I don't mind staying up with you and talking if you want. I know you aren't going to go back to sleep."

"I swear to God, you can read minds." He quips.

"I'm just starting to get a good read on you, Barnes."

"I bet you are."

Then he fucking winks at her; again. Ana blinks twice, then laughs. They end up talking into the early hours of the morning, until dusk begins to break through the sky. At one point, Bucky makes her finish her vitamin drink, to which he refused to try when she offered him a sip. Or, rather aggressively tried forcing him to try it. It ended with him grabbing her wrist and yanking the bottle from her hand. The movement had pressed Ana's knees to the side of Bucky's thighs, and she kept them there.

Ana does end up falling asleep, and when she wakes up a second time, she's in her bed. Her duvet is pulled up to her shoulder, and Ezra is curled up next to her. Which is a little strange, since he tends to snuggle with Wanda while sleeping. Carefully, Ana turns on her other side, her groggy eyes falling on something on the nightstand.

Picking her head up a few inches, she notices three little different shaped pills and a hand-written note. She immediately recognizes the handwriting and smiles. Ana takes the pills, pops them in her mouth, swallowing them down with the glass of water left there as well. She reads the note twice, before burring herself deeper into her bed.

_I took the liberty to assume that our session will be cancelled for the day._                                                                                                                      _Vision says to take these when you wake up. Ezra let me carry him after I brought you to bed. Please don't push yourself, rest all day if you need to. Thank you, Annie. For everything you are doing._ _-Winter Snowflake_

**********************************


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a short ass chapter, what the hell. My bad....

Bucky was still reeling after that nightmare, despite the fact that him and Steve walked around for an hour. He just couldn't seem to shake the feeling in his bones, made his skin prickle like Hydra was watching him within the woods surrounding the compound. It took Steve's reassurance, and Ana's voice in head to fully grasp that no one was watching him. He played the image of Ana's wide, brown and gold eyes in his brain. Focused on that instead, on how she took her time with him. How she gently grounded him back to reality, how she looked a little surprised but completely calm when Bucky had shielded her.

All his nervousness had disappeared though, when he found out Ana had passed out afterwards. For a wildly fearful moment, Bucky had thought he might have lashed out at her. They told him he didn't. They could have just told him that Ana was tired and went to sleep, but Vision deemed it important enough to tell him the truth. It made his jaw clench along with his chest because it was not the first time he essentially made Ana passed out from exhausting her abilities. He has a feeling it probably won't be the last. Which means, he also has a feeling that he can't do anything about it.

He really wanted to talk it out with Ana, and when she asked, it was on the tip of his tongue. However, the way Ana had looked, utterly exhausted on the couch, skin pale, eyes fluttering, breathing slightly labored, he decided against it. When she had fallen asleep again, with the cat curled up between then, Bucky had carefully picked her up and brought her to her bed. He only lingered long enough to carefully run his fingers through her hair before he forced himself to leave.

Despite how many breathing exercises he does in the morning, his anxiety just doesn't seem to want to leave. He's sitting on the desk, untouched cup of coffee next to him, hands gripping the edge of the wood. His senses feel beyond heightened, even more so with the enhanced serum running through his veins. It's like he can feel everyone's eyes on him, as if they know Bucky is on the verge of internal panic.

The air around him is beginning to feel hot, prickling at his skin. His stomach churns and he has to swallow a few times to calm the bile threatening to rise. He wrings his hands together, the metal sliding smoothly over his flesh. He bites his bottom lip because he can feel it trembling and the last thing he wants to do is look weak in front of Ana.

Bucky takes a peak at her, wondering if she has noticed that he's internally having a meltdown. She isn't looking at him though. Instead, she pulls a small red packet from her pocket, rips it open and dumps out small, colorful candies. She tosses the packet in the trash then finally looks up at him.

"Sort them by color." Ana instructs simply.

"What?" Bucky asks, and he hates how shaky his voice sounds in his ears.

"The Skittles. I would like you to sort them by color."

"Now?"

"Please."

It's a pool of color, scattered among the desk. With one last quick glance at Ana, her expression patient and calm, he begins to sort them. He picks out the yellow ones first, sliding them gently into their own little pile. Then he goes for green, repeating the same notion. He slides the purples together, then the oranges. Red is the last color that just needs to be set into a neat pile. He's done. 

"Which colors have more?" Ana asks him next.

He looks at the colorful piles of candy and sees that the least amount is purple. Then red, yellow, green and orange. He repeats this to Ana, using his index finger to nudge them together tighter. It turns out to be a lost cause, because Ana steals two red ones. Bucky watches her pop them in her mouth, chewing gleefully.

"Without knowing flavors of the candy," Ana says around her chewing. Bucky watches her throat bob as she swallows. "Which color would you eat first?"

Bucky considers this. "Green."

Ana nods. She picks up a green one and eats it. "Green is lime. Yellow is lemon. Orange is, well, orange. Purple is grape, and red is strawberry."

"No wonder you ate it." Bucky quips.

Ana scrunches her nose in a mocking smile. She pushes the green pile closer to his hand. "Try one."

He does. He tries all of them. He's pleasantly surprised to like the green more than the others, but the red does come as a close second. Together they share the candy, until Ana swipes her hand over them to mix them up. Bucky glares at her, then fixes them again of his own accord, ignoring Ana's soft chuckles.

"Are you feeling better?" She questions, after they finish the candy.

"What do you mean?" Bucky frowns quizzically. 

"You look like you were about to have a panic attack. Do you feel better?"

She did notice. Bucky shouldn't be surprised in the slightest. At this point, he doesn't even think it’s her ability anymore, just Ana being Ana; being attentive to him. He doesn't know when it happened, but suddenly, they can't seem to hide anything from each other anymore. Both open books now.

"Is that why you told me to sort them? Because you knew?" Bucky asks, feeling a small smile spread across his lips.

Ana returns it. "Yes. You've been looking a little off kilter this morning. Did you end up getting any sleep?"

Bucky shakes his head. Ana opens her mouth, but he beats her to it. "No, Annie, I wasn't going to wake you. You needed the rest."

The pout on Ana's lips shouldn't be as endearing as it is. Bucky ducks his head down, makes it easier for her to gently tug on his hair in retaliation for the nickname. Ana nudges his mug over to him, and he finally picks it ups, taking a rather large gulp. It's lukewarm at best.

"Did you know," Ana starts, stretching her legs out until her boots rest next to Bucky's thigh. "The color green is associated with growth, which makes sense since, you know, earth. However, it's also associated with renewal and harmony. It's known among Empaths as having a healing power. It's the most relaxing color to the human eye."

Bucky tilts his head curiously. He did not know this. He remains silent, content to listen and learn the inner workings of Ana's mind. He subtly moves his thigh closer to her boots, just so when she moves them back and forth, they tap against his leg.

"Green is soothing." She continues. "It also can help alleviate anxiety while bringing a sense of hope with it."

Slowly, it dawns on him. "Are you saying that's why I chose green?"

"Possibly." She smiles at him, taps her foot harder against his thigh. "Psychological colors. I'm saying you chose it because it was the most calming to you at the moment."

Bucky is silent for several moments, debating. "I can't shake that dream from my mind." He admits to her quietly. Her expression falls into her open, nonjudgmental one. He wonders if she even knows she does that. "They found me. Dragged me back to their Hell. I could almost feel how real that chair was, could almost feel it pressing against my face."

Ana's face changes, her brows furrowing and her mouth tilting down. Her eyes shine, the golden dots glittering in the sunlight streaming in. She looks as if she is feeling his own pain, feeling his terror from the night before. She pressed her foot harder into his thigh, her calf also a solid touch. It grounds him.

"When you came in the room," He continues, whispering. "I couldn't see you for a moment, everything was so jumbled. I thought maybe-" He shakes his head. "But then you were there and everything in my mind faded away. All I saw was you."

"I'm so sorry, Bucky." Ana says softly. She takes her legs away, leaning forward and placing her hand on his knee instead. 

Bucky put his right hand over hers, squeezing her knuckles. "I just appreciated you being there. You didn't have to do that energy thing. You never have to do that but you do, and I...thank you. Again."

"I am going to do everything I can to help you, so you don't feel like that anymore." Ana tells him, a determined gleam in her eye.

Bucky smiles sadly at her. "That's what I'm afraid of. That you take on what I feel, and that can be indescribably chaotic." He shakes his head like he's shaking up his thoughts. "The thing is, they're not even nightmares most of the time. I think they're memories. I don't know what's real during that time, Ana. I don't want you feeling any of that."

Ana moves her hand from his knee to the middle of his chest. There's a softness around her beautiful eyes. It's the small melancholy tilt of her lips gives away the possibility that she has already felt some form of chaos in her life. Bucky's eyes flicker down to the scars on her wrist, then looks back at her.

"Remember what I told you?"

"You tell me a lot of things." He states. He remembers all of them.

A glint of a laugh flashes through her eyes. "Feel with your heart. Ground yourself. You just need to take a moment to ground yourself."

"I felt you." Bucky confesses without meaning to. It's the truth though, and he wants her to know. "I saw you standing there, but I couldn't be sure. Until you touched my hand." He places his right hand over her on his chest. "That's what brought me back to reality."

Ana looks a little dazed, so Bucky squeezes her hand lightly. He hopes that admission wasn't too much too soon. However, they've never really had a timeline of that anyway, practically just jumping into deep waters the moment they met. He is just being honest with her, despite it making him feel warm all over his body as if the room is overheated. It's not, it's just Bucky staring at Ana as she stares back at him. He wonders if she can feel hard fast his heart is beating.

Blinking twice, Ana finally says, "G-good. That's, uh, good."

Bucky can his lips spread into a smile. He is always baffled how Ana stumbles over herself at times, since she has always been this confident, smart, spitfire of a woman. He wants to say something else, something that might make this moment deeper, or even something that might dissipate this intriguing tension between. He doesn't get to say anything though, for a shadow shifts over Ana's shoulder, and Bucky lifts his eyes to see someone coming up to them.

He tightens his hold on Ana's hand, ready to pull her close to him if need be. Instead, a file is slapped down on the desk next to Ana. She jumps slightly, her expression immediately morphing into an irritated one, her eyes rolling up to the ceiling. It looks like she wants to rip the file thrower a new one, until she spins around realizing who it is. Ana takes her hand away from Bucky's chest.

"You suck." Ana says flatly. 

"New information on that power plant." Tony tells her, sliding the file across the desk. He makes eye contact with Bucky, giving him a nod of acknowledgement. 

"I already told you, Tony." She slides file back without opening it. "I'm not a field agent. I don't have that type of training."

Tony scoffs. "Sure you don't."

"I think that's a lie." Bucky pipes up, agreeing. He's one hundred percent sure she has some hidden skills.

"No one appreciates your comments, Bucky." Ana teases, poking his shin. To Tony she says, "Just have Hawkeye shoot his electrical arrows at the damn thing. Problem solved."

"C'mon, lunch is on me today." Tony states, ignoring her comment. "We'll talk about it over falafels."

When Ana spins back to face Bucky she rolls her eyes and he has to hold back a laugh. "It's not like I'm busy or anything."

"Barnes too." Tony says as he begins to walk away. "Don't forget the file."

Bucky and Ana share a look, both surprised that the invite. Ana shrugs, grabs the file and stands. She waits for Bucky to do the same, and her hand squeezing his forearm in a silent question. Bucky nods, giving her a reassuring smile. They can finish talking later if need be. Apparently, they stand there for too long just smiling at each other, for Tony calls out to them.

"Today, please!"

**************************************************************************************************************

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!! <3
> 
> (Story time: While writing editing this chapter, a fucking roach crawled on my couch! That is the first time in four years of living in my place that has happened! I freaked, picked up my cat Loki and made him see it. Then he hunted it down and conquered it! This is why I have a cat...named Loki.)


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ;) (who put that there?)

Two mornings rolls by when Ana cautiously touches Bucky's left arm; it's not unexpected since he sees it coming. It doesn't stop him from making a jerky movement that has Ana taking a step back, removing her hand. She ignores the flash of hurt shooting through her stomach. She huffs in frustration, crossing her arms. She can feel her jaw clenching. She levels him with a flat look. 

Bucky has been on edge the past two days, despite talking through and reassuring him the nightmare wasn't real. He just can't seem to shake the idea of lashing out with his arm, especially after seeing how he dented and cracked the wall in his bedroom. It’s like all he can envision is hurting the people around him who get too close, and considering Ana was the closest after his nightmare…

"I thought you would've trust me by now. Clearly, I was wrong." Ana bites, refusing to take another step backwards. She doesn't want to be as annoyed as she is, but she just doesn't know what else to do.

"That's not-it's not you, Ana!" Bucky tells her. He almost sounds desperate. "It's myself I don't trust."

"Well suck it the fuck up because if this continues, then this won't work."

"You say that like it's so easy."

"I know it isn't, Bucky. None of it is." She tells him, lowering the tone of her voice. "All I'm saying is to trust me to trust yourself. Don't you think if I truly thought I was in danger around you I would visibly arm myself? That I wouldn't be conducting these exercises and sessions by myself?"

Ana runs her fingers through her hair, pushing it to the side. She breathes in and out to calm herself. "I have faith in you, Bucky. That you won't or hurt me or anyone else here, and it's about fucking time you do the same. Because this will not work, and I really want it to work. Not for me. For you. Because you  _deserve_ it."

Bucky visibly deflates, his tense shoulders dropping, and the clenching of his jaw slackens. He uncurls his fists, looking down at his metal hand. He shakes his head and looks back at her.

"How-why? How can you just so blindly have faith in me?"

"Because I do." Ana answers vehemently. It should be enough, but she elaborates. She regains her step back, placing her right hand on the center of his chest. 

"Because I know what's in here. I see it, I hear it, I feel it. It's in the way you hold back. The way you're always trying to protect me from yourself. As if I wouldn't kick your Winter Bunny ass anyway."

Bucky huffs out a few chuckles. He puts his left hand over hers. "You're something else."

Ana smiles at him. "Yeah, well, you need to start having more trust in yourself, and that starts with you forgiving yourself first."

He frowns. "Forgive myself?"

"I do listen, darling." Ana says, smirking a little at the endearment he always uses for her. "I know you've said it before, that you remember missions. However, you also admitted that you never _willingly_ did any of it. That you had absolutely no control of any of it. It’s okay to feel guilt and regret and pain, but Bucky. You can't keep doing that forever."

"Eventually it will crush you and you'll find yourself not wanting to get out of bed and to just dig a hole and stay there forever. You can't let it consume you. If you do, you start to shut the people who really want to help you, the people who see so much in you, out." Ana would know since she is speaking from her own experience.

She takes a breath and continues. "You have shown this incredible strength coming out of this, and you have this determined air about you that refuses to give up. Despite you not trusting yourself, you seem to be fighting like hell to do the opposite. I trust you so much because I believe in you, and despite every little thought in that pretty, thick head of yours, you are a good fucking person."

Bucky takes her hand off his chest to hold it instead. He laces their fingers together, and the metal should be cold against her skin, but Ana is too distracted by how the corners of his eyes have softened. The blue looks a little brighter, less doubt then before.

"You should write motivational speeches." He says quietly. "Give Steve a run for his money."

Ana gently tugs the bottom of his hair. "I don't like when my friends doubt themselves, okay."

"Thank you." Bucky says, smiling at her. "Really, Ana."

"It's what I'm here for."

He shakes head, squeezes her hand. "You're much more than that. You are always able to pull me out of my own mind. Usually it just spirals, and I'm stuck in this vicious circle all night."

"Is that why you rarely sleep?"

"How do you know that?"

Ana hesitates, biting her lip for a moment. Bucky's hand squeezes tighter. She takes another step closer. "I can feel it."

Bucky looks up at her a little. She's just a few inches taller than him when he sits on the desk. Ana thinks the longer she stares into those incredible ocean blue eyes, the longer she sinks down. Drowns in the depths that is Bucky Barnes. She doesn't know when the atmosphere around them shifted, but they've been here before. She's felt this tension between them several times, in several places, and she isn't sure how much longer she can take it.

"You feel when I can't sleep?"

Nodding she says, "It's like a dark energy. Not evil, not in that way, but just...dark."

"It's not dark when you are around." Bucky whispers, like it’s a secret he's been keeping.

"Oh."

Bucky slowly straightens up so he's now leaning against the desk instead of sitting. It gives him his height back, but they don't break eye contact. That is, until his tongue slowly wets his bottom lip, and Ana traces the rather slow movement. She quickly brings her eyes back up.

"I want to trust myself, I really do." He tells her, his voice sounding more gravely than usual. "Ana, you know I trust you, and I'll continue to work on my own, so I don't hurt you anymore."

Ana frowns. "You haven't hurt me."

The smile on Bucky's lips looks a little self-deprecating. He gently pushes their joined hands to her own chest, his free hand coming up to play with the ends of her hair.

"Bucky. You haven't." She tells him again, knowing exactly what he means.

"If you say so." Slowly, he releases her hand and drops both his.

Ana licks her suddenly dry lips, and Bucky's eyes drop to her mouth. The tension is broken when Ana's phone buzzes on the table. She grabs it, giving Bucky a smile to let him know everything is okay between them. She glances at the text message and groans. She had completely forgot about the Gala tonight.

"You're armed right now?"

The question pulls her attention away from her phone, in the middle of texting Pepper back. When Ana looks up, Bucky's eyebrows are raised and extremely curious, his eyes slowly raking down her body. She quickly finishes her response, and pockets her phone, ignoring her fluttering heart.

"Can you even fit in a gun with how tight your jeans are?" He continues to ask. "Where are you even hiding it?"

"Wouldn't you like to know." It slips out before Ana's brain to mouth filter catches up.

Bucky's eyes snap back up to her, and if she isn't mistaken, there's a faint blush beginning to color his cheeks.

***

Bucky didn't get a chance to see Ana before she left for the Gala. Apparently, she lost track of time and had to rush to get ready, but not before she double checked that they were okay. They are, completely fine, because whenever their tempers flare up at each other, it never lasts more than several minutes. Nor are they truly ever angry at each other, just frustrated; irritated. Their sessions and days can be long, and the energy between them can be charged. He's still wonders bewilderingly how she can have so much trust in him, Steve too for that matter, after all this time. It just makes him want to work on himself that much harder.

He's lounging on the couch, half asleep as the TV plays a movie he thought looked interesting. The common area is very quiet with half of everyone gone to the Gala. Bucky decided against it, knowing someone like him shouldn't be showing his face just yet. Plus, not really his thing. The soft clicking of heels against the tile floor pulls him from his near slumber, and he sits up once he sees Ana walk in.

Bucky abruptly forgets how to breathe, the air sticking in his lungs. His pulse quickens in his veins and his heart starts to beat a little faster. He's vaguely aware that his lips are parted, mouth hanging open just slightly. But he can't do anything about it because he feels frozen, staring blatantly at Ana who has yet to notice him.

She is  _stunning_. Her dark hair is pulled to the side, over the front of her shoulder, a braid is pressed close to her head keeping the shorter layers out of her eyes. Her eyes. The gold specks seem to be popping against the brown more tonight. Probably due to the fact that there is a slight sheen of glittery eye shadow across her lids. Her already long eyelashes are elongated more, brushing the highest point of her cheekbones whenever she blinks. Her full lips are painted a rich red, the only pop of color on her.

It's the dress though, and the body in the dress that is making Bucky's heart rabbit against his chest, and shift in his seat. The long, black gown looks simple enough, elegant, until Ana turns slightly, placing her clutch on the counter. The entire left side is made of delicate lace material, showing off her olive skin, leaving absolutely nothing to the imagination. The strip starts from the hem of the form fitting dress, and goes up the outside of her leg, her thigh, her hip, her ribs, and stops just under her arm. It's a smooth line of skin all the way which means...

Bucky shifts mutely, his eyes widening slightly. He didn't even think he was capable of feeling like this physically after so long. His jeans suddenly beginning to grow tighter. His throat runs dry, and he just can't take his eyes off her. He's not even sure he can do that even if it wanted to.

The front of the dress is modest, just a small little scoop neckline just below her collarbones, and drapes over her shoulders and dips down in the back. It's a backless dress, the material tight against her shoulder blades, scoops down to her waist. Her back is smooth and lean and there's another tattoo he hadn’t seen before on the back of her ribs. When Ana turns again, the left side with the same lace, he spots another tattoo on her left ribs; it's two little Swallows. He vaguely wonders how many other hidden tattoos she has. He wants to find out. Bucky swallows dryly.

Ana puts her phone on the counter, then bends to take off her shoes, revealing red high heels, about six inches in height. It's this move that makes her finally notice Bucky, who has been frozen to the couch this entire time. She smiles at him, blissfully unaware of his internal crisis. She takes one heel off, then the other.

"Hi." Ana greets brightly. "Didn't think anyone would be up still."

He nods dumbly. She's walking closer, and Bucky has to angle himself. She doesn't just walk; Ana never just walks. Her hips are swaying slightly, and every step reminds him of her defined curves and the fact that she poured herself in that dress without any underwear. Bucky guesses they're called killer curves for a reason. She will probably be the death on him one day; if not tonight.

Ana is beautiful, in every single aspect and Bucky is struck with how incredibly attracted he is to her. As if the twitching between his legs wasn't enough of a giveaway. Ana plops down next to him, her head dipping back on the cushion. Bucky takes this as his opportunity to quietly grab one of the pillows and place it over his lap. She smells like the ever present roses and rain, and the heat radiating off her skin is curling in his stomach. 

"I've been in these fucking heels all night, and let me tell you, they suck." She tells him, dropping said shoes on the ground. She looks over at him. "How was your night?"

It takes a few moments for his brain to rewire from short-circuiting. "Uhh...you look gorgeous." Is what comes out.

Ana gives him a strange little look before biting her lip and looking away. Her teeth release her bottom lip and the red lipstick stays on perfectly. When she looks back at him, there's a slight pink color tinting her cheeks. She smiles shyly at him, and his heart skips a beat for a moment.

"Thank you." She says, voice soft in the empty lounge. 

"Quiet." Bucky answers belatedly.

"What?" She laughs confused.

"Night. Um, my night. Quiet night, I mean." He explains eloquently. He needs to take a shower or dunk his head in a bucket of ice water and never come back up. Maybe willingly put himself back in cryostasis.

"What movie are you watching?" Ana asks instead. 

She takes the tie out of her hair, her hand falling close to his on the couch. Their knuckles brush against each other. Bucky doesn't even remember anymore. Something about the war and baseball and women and not crying in baseball. He shakes his head. He couldn't answer her if it tried.

Ana looks for herself, eyes lighting up in recognition. "Oh!  _A League of Their Own_. This is a fantastic movie. One of my all-time favorites."

Now that her big, brown eyes are looking at the screen, he can focus a little more. He still presses the pillow tighter to his lap though. The slightest touch of her skin is making his entire body heat up. He follows her gaze, trying really hard to ignore the...well, rather  _hard_  situation between his legs. This is  mortifying and confusing at the moment.

"It's based on a true story, you know." Ana continues to talk. Maybe she can feel his tension. He's grateful for it.

"Really?" Bucky finally speaks, voice cracking. He clears his throat, shifting just slightly. The zipper of his jeans presses against his groin, and he has to bite back a noise.  _Fucking Christ_ , he'd never thought this would happen. It's been over 70 fucking years. He didn't think it was possible anymore.

"Yeah, they recruited women to play baseball during the war. I love the history of it."

"I haven't really been paying attention." He admits, looking at her again. She's already staring at him, a soft smile on her lips. "I was half asleep when you walked in."

"We can watch it tomorrow maybe, if you want." Ana suggests, she sits up, touching the back of his hand. "I'm going to head to bed though. Get out of this dress."

Bucky tries really hard not to picture that. How the dress would slip down her body, slowly falling down her curves like- he stops himself. Mentally shakes his head and pulls himself together. Ana goes to get up, but Bucky grabs her hand, halting her from taking another step. He doesn't know what comes over him, maybe it's the lack of blood to his brain. He leans forward slightly, pressing a soft kiss to the back of her hand, looking up at her.

"Goodnight, Annie." He whispers against her skin. She releases a breath, almost shuddering, but that could be Bucky's oxygen and sleep deprived brain playing tricks. 

"Goodnight." She breathes.

Slowly, her hand slips out of his, backing away. She nearly trips over her own heels before quickly bending down and picking them up. She smiles sheepishly, then hurries off towards the hallway. Bucky breathes out like he has been holding his breath for hours. He waits a few moments, throws the pillow off his lap and practically runs to his room, ignoring the slightly painful tightness in his jeans. 

He takes a long, cold shower before heading to bed.

 

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	22. Chapter 22

Ana is writing down some notes in her journal a few days later, the pen gliding smoothly across the paper when Bucky speaks up. He's always sitting on the top of the desk, rarely in the chair next to her, and she uses the empty seat as a foot rest more than anything.  

"I've been thinking." He starts out. It's the timid tone in his voice that makes Ana look up at him. "Maybe we can try stage three today?"

Ana nearly drops the pen. "Really?" 

She didn't think Bucky would want to do the next stage so quickly, given his anxiousness from the last stage. Ana figured she would give him a week, or even two weeks’ time for the next one. He does looks nervous, though, his eyes darting around the room briefly. When his eyes met hers again, there's a determination within them. 

Bucky nods. "I trust you."

Ana's chest swells with the confession, and though it's not the first time he's said it, it's nice to hear. To know that despite the lack of it in himself, he has full trust in her. She closes her notebook, setting it down on the desk.

"If you're sure." Ana says.

"I am."

"Do you want to do it now? Or wait a little?"

Bucky shakes his head. "Now. I might lose my nerve." He chuckles humorlessly.

"Alright. Let me inform Max."

***

Bucky squirms in the chair for a moment, flexing his fingers. Ana eyes the first set of restraints, still positive that they won’t need to use them. However, Bucky levels her with an unimpressed look.

"What will it take for you to actually strap me down?" He asks, eye narrowing.

"I already told you, Sergeant Snowflake, I'm not into that that sort of thing."

He actually pouts. Not for the first time, Ana truly wonders if the man sitting before her is an actual puppy. He scratches the scruff on his jaw and Ana has to pull her eyes away from the strong line of it. His eyes are especially blue today, and Ana wonders if it's due to his confidence this morning.

"If Wilson ever hears your nicknames..." Bucky trails off, grumbling.

Ana smiles despite herself. She pats his shoulder in lieu of a response then turns to walk over to the table. She makes sure that it's discretely loaded with anything she needs. Then she presses the button on her bracelet to activate it, just in case. Mainly because she'd rather avoid another earful from Pepper and Tony. 

She unlocks the secret drawer in the table, grabbing the damned little red book, turning to face Bucky again. Her eyes scan over the words written in Russian, her stomach churning acid as she reads them. She lifts her eyes to meet his. Ana takes a deep breath the same time Bucky does.

"Ready?" She questions, feeling the weight of the book in her hands.

"Yes." Bucky answers calmly.

_"Zhelaniye."_

Bucky inhales deeply, his eyes fluttering shut for a moment. Ana counts to twenty in her head.

_"Rzhavyy."_

His fingers twitch, his chest rising and falling with calculated breaths. Ana carefully observes his face, looking for any change in expression. So far, he remains stoic. She waits twenty seconds again. It's not the slowest she's gone, but she isn't in a rush to speed the process up.

_"Semnadtsat."_

Bucky's head thumps back against the chair, squeezing his eyes shut briefly and gripping the armrests. It's a visible reaction that Ana has yet to see, and she carefully closes the book, locking it away. She pushes herself off the table, eyes flickering over to Max who has his gun half raised, ready to act if need be. Ana shakes her head, and Max lowers his weapon. 

"Bucky. Talk to me." Ana speaks softly, stepping closer. "What's happening in there?"

"Wait." Bucky mumbles, lips trembling, barely keeping his eyes trained on her. "Don't- don't come closer."

 Ana halts, holding her palms open. His hands are clenched around the armrests so hard, the metal of his fingers whine against it, the slates shifting. His breathing is slightly labored, chest expanding and falling.

"Restrain me." He begs, words barely pass his lips. Eyes falling shut once more.

"Will that help?"

He doesn't say anything, just inhales slowly through his nose. 

"Buck, talk to me." She says again. 

Ana shuffles forward, and the near silent noise of her boot on the floor makes his eyes snap open. He doesn't tell her to stay back a second time; just exhales. He's trying to regulate his breathing, as if something is causing him pain, and maybe it is. Ana recalls the footage she's seen, remembers that through most of it, Bucky looked like he was in pain. Trying to fight, to hold on to whatever was left of himself before his brain activated. 

"I-" Bucky huffs out, blinking. "I don't...it's fuzzy."

Ana takes another cautious step forward, her right hand outstretched. "Your mind?"

He nods once. Ana can feel it in the air then. She can feel the energy buzzing around like a disoriented bee; confused, lost. She can almost see it. It's nearly tangible, a muddled haze hanging over the room, surrounding Bucky's body. If Ana could just help him focus on what's in front of him, on what he can feel instead of deciphering what's in his brain.

"Is this- am I...here? Is this real?" Bucky asks, squeezing his eyes shut again and shaking his head.

She takes another step, and then one more. "It is real, Bucky. You're here, safe. With me."

Bucky slowly opens his eyes, focusing on her hand, inches away from his chest. She moves slow, so very cautious. Gives him enough time to tell her no. To tell her to get back or even leave. Instead, his chaotic blue eyes lift to hers, flickering back and forth like he's searching for something in her eyes.

Ana's fingertips graze the thin material of his shirt. She gently presses her fingers, then her palm against Bucky's chest, just a firm enough pressure to remind him that he is in a safe place. She feels his heart pounding beneath her palm just a little faster than his normal rate. Bucky breathes out heavily, closing his eyes once more. The trembling of his mouth has stopped, and he slowly uncurls his hands from the chair.

She focuses solely on his surrounding energy, trying to coax it along to what she's feeling instead. She keeps her own thoughts, feelings and energy as positive and hopeful as she can. The air begins to feel a little thinner now, the thickness of the fog clearing. Ana feels his energy begin to shift, change into something no longer tainted by darkness.

"Your hand is cold." Bucky breathes out.

Ana is busy concentrating that it takes her a moment for the words to register. She cocks her head to the side, frowning. "What?"

Bucky's eyelashes flutter as he slowly opens his eyes again. "Your hand is cold." He slowly brings his right hand up to cover hers. "I can feel it through my shirt."

Ana huffs quietly. "Is that what you're thinking?"

"No. I  _feel_  it." He presses her hand firmer against his chest. He scrunches his face up for a moment. "My mind is foggy. Like I'm in between sleep and awake."

"Hypnagogia." Ana states casually. She exhales slowly as she feels her own energy calm the air in the room.

Bucky blinks once again. The blue of his eyes suddenly become much clearer, any cloudiness gone. "Come again?"

Smiling, Ana says, "I'll explain later. How are you feeling right now?"

He brings his left hand up to rub his temple. "Clearer now. Better."

They make eye contact, an unblinking stare. Ana makes sure there isn't any fear or panic in Bucky's eyes. His own are shifting side to side, and for one wild moment, Ana swears he is counting those gold spots in her eyes. The air suddenly clears, Ana feeling his calm emotions. She smiles.

"We're done for the day. Finished." She tells him, holding up the signal with her free hand behind her back.

Bucky pushes his hair back with his left hand. "Nothing happened, right? Did I do-?"

"You did amazing." Ana tells him, can't help the tenderness seeping into her voice. She's just a little proud, to be honest.

A relived expression breaks out on Bucky's face, and he smiles at her. It's a slow tilt of his lips first, then it spreads until the corners of his eyes crinkle. He squeezes her knuckles, and its then Ana realizes her hand has been on his, rather super buff and defined, chest for quite some time now. He must notice it as well, for he lets go the same time Ana pulls her hand back.

"Wanna blow this popsicle stand?" Ana quips.

He huffs a one syllable laugh. "God, yes."

***

"Hypnagogia is an in between state where a person is nether fully awake or sleep." Ana informs as she hands Bucky a cup of tea. 

They're sitting on the couch in the lounge area, facing each other with their knees nearly touching. The walk back to their living quarters was quiet. Comfortable, but quiet. Ana kept stealing glances at Bucky, just to make sure he was truly okay, and that he didn't get too lost within his mind. The deprogramming must be taking a toll on him, despite only completing stage three.

"It can happen when a person is waking up or going to sleep." She continues. "Which I guess would make sense with you. Since most of the time when you were triggered you were immediately pulled from cyro-freeze. The mind cycles through thoughts, memories, so you were conscious enough to at least be aware of what was happening."

“So, in this case, your brain's reduced activity in the prefrontal cortex, which is here-" Ana gently taps Bucky's forehead, "is taken into consideration because that part of the brain is involved with planning, decision making and social behavior."

Ana drops her hand in realization, her blood starting to boil. " _Oh my God_. That's how they did it." 

She feels horrified and angry and images of the footage plays back in her mind. That electric shock machine targeted that specific part of Bucky's brain. Which confirms, not that there was any doubt, just how much control they had over him. How much control Hydra has over anyone they got their disgusting little hands on. That means, what they did to her brother several years ago-

"The television is going haywire." Bucky's deep grumble of a voice pulls Ana from her thoughts.

"What?"

"The TV." He nods towards the electronic.

Ana looks over and he's right. The picture has gone fuzzy and is flickering between that and saturated colors. The noise from whatever channel in the background is rising and lowering. Ana also notes the digital time on the DVD console is rapidly changing numbers. This is her. She is doing this. Ana closes her eyes, counts to five and breathes slowly. All the strange happenings stop, the TV sounding like it went back to normal. This hasn't happened in years. Ana feeling herself lose control like that; the lights dimming, flickering. She doesn't understand.

"Was that you?" Bucky questions, leaning forward to place his mug on the coffee table.

Ana doesn't answer him. She just stares at her hands, wiggling her fingers to shake the tingles out of them. Her hands are suddenly covered by Bucky's, warm and cool, flesh and metal. The contrast brings her back, refocusing her attention on the man in front of her.

"Are you going to pass out?" Bucky asks. He sounds so concerned, worry laced within his blue eyes.

"No. No, I'll be alright." Ana assures him. She squeezes his hands just in case. "That's been happening a lot lately."

"It's not because of-"

"You? No, Mr. Egotistical." She jokes, smirking at him.

Bucky glares playfully at her. "Not what I was gonna say, darling. Are you getting enough rest?"

"Do I ever?"

"Since you stay up most nights with me, no."

Ana rolls her eyes. Bucky's thumbs slowly rubbing over her knuckles draws her eyes back to their hands. "It might just be...I don't know actually. I have no idea."

"Just be careful, Ana. Please."

She nods, and when she looks back up, all she sees is worry. As if Bucky constantly frets over her and her abilities. Ana offers him a small smile that he returns. She feels his thumb trace over the scarring on her wrist, and at this point, she would realize how long they've been holding hands. However, she doesn't want to let go, mainly because Bucky is in front of her, and not in the hands of Hydra. Of what they had done to him. Maybe the Deprogramming is taking a toll on her as well.

"I'll try."

"Annie."

Ana curls his metal fingers until they form a fist, then she lifts his arm and gently nudges his fist against his chin. The smile on his lips grows, causing his cheeks to lift and the corners of his eyes crinkles. His eyes suddenly turn warm, like the ocean during the summer, and not for first time, she feels like she's drowning in them. 

"Did you just make me punch myself?" Bucky questions, a laugh in his voice.

"Yes." She says, dropping her eyes and ignoring the fluttering in her heart.

It's silent for a few moments before Bucky speaks again. "I didn't get the chance to ask how the Gala was."

"It was good, interesting." She answers. She about to elaborate, but she doesn’t get a chance.

"Don't let her lie to you Barnes, Ana was the star of the night." Comes Sam’s voice from the entrance.

Ana glares at him, his comment anything but true. Wanda follows him into the kitchen, rolling her eyes as she makes herself a cup a tea from the leftover hot water. Sam comes over to the couches, plopping down on the one opposite of them. He grabs the controller from the table, flipping through channels.

"What does that mean?" Bucky inquires curiously.

"Don't listen to him, Bucky, Sam is crazy." Ana tells him.

"Just that everyone's eyes were on her the entire night. Clint and I nearly had to fight off the men."

"You're over exaggerating, Sam." Wanda pipes in.

"I'm not. We didn't have to because you dance with Max most of the night." Sam details.

While Ana is trying to figure out how to glare and roll her eyes at the same time, she feels Bucky slowly take his hands away from hers. Bucky stands up as she looks over at him, watching his back as he walks into the kitchen.

"That's a lie. It was one dance." Ana says, pulling her eyes away from him. "Mainly because Tony decided he had to play _It Had to Be You_  and Max thought it funny to ask for a dance. That was it."

"He's right though." Wanda says, "all eyes were on you. That dress was stunning."

"Alright, we can stop talking about me now." Ana feels herself blushing. 

When she looks back towards the kitchen, Bucky has his back still turned towards them. He's talking quietly to Steve, who Ana didn't even realize had walked in, and fiddling with something. She sees what it is when Bucky hands Steve a bottle of beer. She briefly wonders if he became overwhelmed when Sam and Wanda walked in; it still doesn't make sense.

They all end up having dinner together, and though Bucky sits next to her, he doesn't say much. Until Ana scrapes the mushrooms on her plate over to his. She scrunches up her nose as she does so, cleans off her fork and grabs his, untouched by gross fungi, instead. She catches his little smile, and the feeling in her stomach doesn't leave for the rest of the night.

**************************************************************************************

 


	23. Chapter 23

Wednesday morning rolls around, after yet another night of Bucky of tossing and turning. At least this time, it wasn't from nightmares or memories he couldn't piece together. No, the reason was because he couldn't shake the strange feeling in his chest. It felt like a snake had buried inside him, curling around his heart, his stomach. 

Bucky just couldn't be next to Ana anymore as they talked about the Gala. He had realized right then, that he wasn't the only one to clearly think Ana is beautiful. That he isn't the only one that is attracted to her, that has developed a giant... _crush_. God, he feels like he's in his early teens again. Out of everything, why couldn't he forget those memories? Instead of remembering stumbling over his feet and stuttering his way to ask a girl he fancied out for a malt. Thankfully, he had quickly gotten over that after two years when he turned 16.

Being next to Ana everyday now though, makes him feel like that teenager again. Makes him feel like he's back on that damn roller coaster at Coney Island. However, instead of Steve throwing up, Bucky feels like he'll be sick to his stomach if he had continued to sit there and listen to Sam go on and on about how everyone wanted her in some way or form. It was a restless night.

Bucky beats Ana to her work area again in the morning. So, he goes along preparing their coffees and waits for her, picking up one of their many notebooks. It's filled with random, meaningless little things and some doodles from Ana here and there. She said it helps with anxiety and that Ana herself tends to color to relax her nerves. 

The door on the opposite side of the room opens, drawing Bucky's attention to the noise, and he clenches his jaw in annoyance. After the Gala conversation at dinner the other night, Bucky has been battling with an unpleasant feeling in the pit of his stomach. It rears its head once more at the sight before him. 

Max has his arm draped over Ana's shoulders, his fingers dangling much too close to the side of her, well endowed, chest. He stops walking for a moment, pulling Ana back a step. He says something into her ear that makes her smile shyly and roll her eyes, grabbing his wrist. 

A heated wave rolls through his stomach, climbing its way up his chest and burns in the back of his throat. He doesn't quite understand the feeling or why it's even happening, but when Max twists his hand to weave their fingers together, Bucky has a sudden urge to throw the notebook at his head. There has been a mutual respect between each other, Bucky deeming Max as only of the only people in the lab who actually cares for Ana's safety. That respect is gone now.

He has an urge to march right up to him and yank his arm off her, free her from his hold. However, Ana seems to do just that, much gentler than Bucky would have done, and unhooks their hands, removing his arm from her shoulders. He smacks a kiss against her cheek, much too close to the corner of her mouth. She smacks his arm a little, then pushes him towards another door.

Ana begins to make her way over to Bucky, waving. He adverts his eyes, hurting a little from staring too hard, down to the notebook, swallowing thickly. He hears her greet him, but he doesn't respond, only flips a page over. Out of the corner of his eye, he sees her take a sip of coffee and sits. He feels her foot nudge against his, but he ignores it as well, trying to fight back the weird feeling in his chest.

"Bucky, are you okay?" Ana inquires, a hint of concern in her voice.

"Just fine." He finally says, flipping another page. He tries inhaling quietly through his nose.

"Making a breakfast run!" Someone shouts from the second level. "Anyone want anything?"

Ana kicks his foot again. "Do you?"

"I'm not hungry." Bucky tells her shortly, grabbing a pen from the little holder and writing down a word. He tilts the notebook up, so she can't see it.

"I'm good!" Ana yells back to the person taking orders, the room no longer quiet.

Bucky tears the page out and tucks it into his back pocket, then snaps the book shut. He drops it on the table. "Shall we begin?"

"No."

Bucky finally look at her. Ana's eyes scan him up and down, as if she's trying to evaluate him. He suddenly feels open, exposed in a way he has never felt before. The little golden dots seem to dance with fire as she appraises him. It's a little unnerving. Then she frowns.

"Not until you tell me what's going on."

Gritting his teeth, Bucky leans over reaching for his own cup of coffee, but Ana pulls it away before he can get his fingers on it. He narrows his eyes at her, and her own harden. She raises an eyebrow, like she's challenging him. He holds his hand out, beckoning for his mug. Ana shakes her head.

"It's been a rough morning, and I would really like that back, please." He tells her. It's a half lie. His morning was fine until Max walked in draped over her shoulders.

Ana huffs. "Fine." She pushes the cup back. "I hope it tastes like shit, because that's what you're spewing at me."

"Excuse me?" He asks incredulously. 

"Since when do you lie to me, Bucky?" Ana snaps, and if Bucky isn't mistaken, a flash of hurt crosses her eyes. Softer she says, "didn't think you ever would. We don't lie to each other."

The clenching in his chest loosen and the wave in his stomach subsides. She's right, and he still doesn't know why he's exactly acting the way he is.

 "Sorry," He apologizes sincerely. "Just having some confusing feelings." 

Ana purses her lips.

"Really. I'm sorry if I seem-" He waves his hand in the air, "off this morning. I didn't mean to lie to you."

"You can tell me, you know." She reminds him, pushing her fingers through her dark hair.

"I don't want to talk about it." Bucky mumbles, dropping his eyes to his knees.

"When you're ready then." Ana places her hand over his knee, and a completely different feeling over takes him. "Don't you know you can trust me with anything by now?"

 _God_ , she sounds hurt. Just a little reserve in her voice, and Bucky definitely caused her to sound like that. How does he manage to continue to fuck things up? He places his right hand over hers. "I know."

It's silent for a few moments between them. Then Ana instructs him to do the breathing exercises and her hand slips off his knee.

***

The day has been rather busy and started off with a thick surge of negative energy the moment Ana saw Bucky. She nearly came close to changing it to a more positive one, but she wanted to give him a chance to open up about it. She won't deny that she felt a little sting when lied to her. Well, it was more of an excuse, but that was the first time Bucky had ever acted hostile towards her, and that's including the Deprogramming Sessions.

Ana walks down the hallway having to deliver a file to Sharon and waving at staff members and agents when they pass. She's nearly to the door of the lobby when she stops. Standing in the doorway is Bucky, and apparently one of the Researchers, Jenny. She's a blonde haired, green eyed, slim woman, and is standing way too close to Bucky, invading personal space. She has her hands wrapped around his right bicep. 

There's a saccharine smile playing on her sticky, glossy lips and it makes Ana's teeth hurt. It's not like Ana hasn't noticed some, if not most, of the women here make eyes at Bucky. She has caught Jenny several times blatantly staring at him; open and unashamed.

A prickle of heat spreads throughout her entire body when she hears Jenny ask if he has dinner plans. Ana isn't even paying attention to Bucky's face, but she can see him try to gently tug his arm away. She moves forward, maybe to walk between the small space and break the hold, when he decides to answer.

"No plans at all."

Ana halts. Clenches her fists, and spins on the balls of her feet to stalk back where she came from. She tries calming herself down, since there is absolutely no reason for her to feel this jealous. But the weight and energy of this entire day has her just accepting it and she makes her way to the gym.

***

Boxing and kickboxing seems to be the best way for Ana to always release her frustrations, and she's glad she moved her regular time up two hours early. The sport, the strain in her muscles and the impact she makes when she hits the bag is cathartic. She has been doing it for the past ten years she began to work here. Sometimes too much energy builds up in her, especially when she is holding back, and to pack all of it that behind a forceful punch or kick helps.

Ana stands back from the bag, gloved hands resting on her hips as she pants, catching her breath. She wipes the sweat from her forehead with her arm, then takes off the gloves for a small break. She's been going at it for the past hour and takes a long overdue drink from her water bottle. Glancing at the clock on the wall, it's just past six. She finishes her water, tossing it into the trash bin. 

She grabs a towel from one of the shelves, wiping away the sweat on her neck, chest and her exposed back. She took off her workout tank top after thirty minutes, the energy making it way too hot. She tosses the towel into the dirty bin, and reaches for another small one, pressing it to her face and wiping away the rest of the sweat. When she lowers the towel, Bucky is standing in there, just off the blue mat.

"How do you do that?" Ana questions. She hangs the towel on the back of her neck and starts to readjust her ponytail.

Bucky shrugs, which is bullshit because Ana knows he knows. She drops her arms once her ponytail is fixed, chucking the towel aside and reaches for her boxing gloves again. She turns her back on him, hitting the gloves together and shaking out her arms. Ana cracks her neck side to side and falls into her stance. She takes a deep breath and exhales. Then she lands two quick jabs to the bag with her right fist, follows with her left, then right, left twice, and ends with a powerful right hook.

"Relieving some stress?" Bucky voices from behind her.

"You can say that." She pants, punching at the bag again. Her shoulders are burning from extortion. 

"You need to adjust your stance." He informs, an amused hint laced in his tone.

Ana knocks a rather hard punch to the bag. It swings back, and she turns, landing a roundhouse kick when her left foot when it comes back. She glares at him.

"I don't need your advice. Plus, I'm only practicing, not here to win a fight against the evil bag."

Bucky chuckles under his breath. "Did I offend you this morning?"

"Nope." She begins to punch again.

"Is that why you're avoiding me?"

"Don't you have a date to get to?"

He doesn't say anything for a few moments. It allows her to get several more punches in. The force of her last punch knocks the bag away, and as it swings back, Bucky speaks up, much closer than before.

"Don't you?"

Ana turns, the bag knocking against her back, pushing her a few steps towards him. She looks up at him, and there's a hard set to his mouth, around his eyes as well. She has no idea what he's talking about. Ana puts her gloves on her hips and matches his expression, breathing hard through her nose.

"I'm not the one who got asked out by a blonde."

"You sure about that?" He snips, his nostrils flaring. "Weren't making plans to rendezvous this morning?"

Ana frowns in confusion. "What the hell are you talking about?"

"Max." Bucky clarifies sharply. 

Then it clicks, and Ana drops her arms to her side. "Is _that_ why you were angry this morning?"

"I wasn't angry."

"Right." She takes her glove off her left hand. "Because you were jealous."

Bucky huffs, shaking his head. He crosses his arms, a defensive move if she ever saw one. It allows Ana to quickly lean forward, reaching around his waist and plucks the out the piece of paper from his back pocket. The one he's kept with him all day, taking it out, rereading it, then putting it back. She successfully holds it, just as Bucky catches her arm with her left hand. Ana doesn't pay attention to him, instead reading what she already knew what was written. 

  _Jealously?_

"No?"  She meets his eyes, dark blue and captivating. Ana can't be sure, but she thinks his eyes flicker down to her mouth for a split second.

"Were you then?" Bucky challenges, going back to his previous question. It's a battle of questions apparently. "Because it certainly looked like it. Looked a little too inappropriate for work to be honest."

"And flirting with a staff member isn't?" Ana bites back. She steps closer, her hand still held captive between his metal fist. "You should probably go, wouldn't want to keep her waiting. That's not gentlemen like."

She hopes that wasn't a low blow, considering he hasn't had a date in seven decades. However, the tension in the room between them is thick; nearly palpable. It's making her skin itch, and her stomach clench. Bucky's breaths are coming out a little hard, as if he's physically trying to hold back any emotion. He smirks down at her, the right corner of his mouth rising higher.

"That's what you think." It's a statement this time, and he finally plucks the paper from her fingers and drops her hand. "Here you are calling me jealous." 

Ana glares at him, then puts her glove back on and goes back to the bag. She doesn't answer him, just immediately starts giving it to the bag. Landing forceful punches one right after the other. She's panting with her physical efforts, her irritation. The back of her neck prickles with Bucky's eyes on her, watching her every move.

"Adjust your stance." He repeats.

Ana knocks the bag backwards once more and catches it when it comes back. She turns on him. "I'm not preparing for the bag to fight back."

Bucky tosses the paper into the trash and levels her with a look. "True, but whether sparing or not, you should still have the correct stance. That way it’s an automatic move in a real situation."

"How do you know I'm not just looking weak to throw you off?" Ana takes her gloves off for good this time, dropping them to the floor. "Why are you giving me fighting advice, anyway?"

"Can you fight?" Bucky asks, walking closer to her again. She can feel heat radiating off his body. "You look as a disadvantage, but I'm positive that's purposely misleading."

She looks up at him. "I'm not going to spar with you."

"That stance would have you pinned to the ground in a second." He challenges. 

"Who do you think trained me?"

"Who do you think trained her?"

"You're not going to fight me." Ana says, calling his bluff. He would never willingly fight with her, he's too protective over her for that.

Bucky nods. "I'm not going on a date, either."

Ana blinks. 

He smiles sweetly at her, a real smile this time. "I haven't flirted with a girl since 1942. No dinner. No date."

The clenching in her chest subsides. "Max is gay."

The dumbfounded expression on Bucky's face nearly makes her laugh. "What?"

"Max, the guy you thought I was sleeping with, the one you were jealous over, likes men." 

"I didn't think you were sleeping with him." He quickly informs her, his eyes wide.

Ana steps to the side, grabbing another water bottle. "So...no date?"

"Not my type. If I still even have one."

Ana snorts against the water bottle as she drinks. She tosses one to Bucky who catches it easily. She picks up her gloves from the mat and hangs them up. "Would you really fight me?"

"Of course not." Bucky answers. “Though I wouldn't be opposed to watching you fight. Just to make sure you don't have any weak spots." He unscrews the cap and takes a sip.

Ana takes her chance, quickly walks just close enough, and does an outside crescent kick. Her foot connects with the bottle, which goes flying to the in the air, as does the water that splashes all down Bucky's front. Water is dripping from his chin, the front of his shirt soaked. He doesn't even move. Standing there in shock, rapidly blinking his eyes in bewilderment. Ana throws her head back and laughs heartily. She hears him sigh exasperated, like he's completely done with her. Ana pats his arm as she walks past him.

"That's what you get for lying to me this morning!" She calls over her shoulder while walking away.

"You're going to be the death of me one day." He says after her.

"I should hope not!"

***

Ana inhales slowly, relaxing her muscles, keeping her eyes focused, her hands steady. She pulls the trigger three times, the bullets going straight through the chest of the paper target. She moves her hands up a little higher, firing off two more rounds. The bullets nail directly through the head. She pauses to reload the gun, seeing the flashing red light on top of the table. Taking her ear protection off, she presses the button.

“Yes?”

“Ms. Rios, there’s a visitor requesting to see you.” The guard, Bobby, informs her.

“A visitor?” Ana questions quietly to herself. Who would even request to- she rolls her eyes in annoyance. She presses the button again. “He’s fine, Bobby. He doesn’t need clearance to be here.”

“Are you sure, Ms.?”

Ana grits her teeth. “Yes.”

The door opens behind her after a few moments, and she puts her gun down turning to face Bucky. He's got an annoyed expression on his face. She understands, since Ana has told people over and over again that if he wanted to see her elsewhere he was fine to do so.

"I told him you didn't need clearance, but apparently everyone around here can't hear because their heads are shoved too far up their asses." Ana tells him, pushing her protective glasses up on her head.

Bucky's expression melts into a smile. "It's fine. I understand."

"You look good." Ana says, "Uh...I mean, like you've slept well. In that way, the good way of sleeping well."

He smirks. "As do you."

He doesn't clarify. So, Ana asks, "Want to shoot?"

"Actually, I heard you're pretty handy with knives."

"Where'd you hear that?" Ana inquires, replacing her glasses. She moves to pick up her gun, turning to face the targets.

"Hawkeye." He answers. 

Ana puts the ear protection back on and holds her gun up. Before she can shoot, she feels fingers on her elbow, adjusting her arm. "Didn't anyone ever tell you not to stand directly behind the person shooting?"

"My bad." Bucky chuckles. His voice is muffled through the earmuffs.

Ana answers by firing six rounds in a row. When she finishes, she puts the safety on her gun and turns, taking off her glasses and ear protection. "You want to watch me throw knives?"

"I'm intrigued. Since you won't let me see you fight."

Ana narrows her eyes at him. He just stands there, smiling. "Steve said you're pretty nifty as well."

He shrugs nonchalantly. "I guess."

"You guess? The Winter Soldier  _guesses_ he's okay at handling sharp objects." Ana quips, nudging his shoulder.

He laughs. Ana rolls her eyes, then walks past him. He follows her to another section, where the throwing and archery station are. There's no one else in the area besides the guard, which means they have their pick of different styles. An idea starts to form in the back of her head, and she grabs the first throwing knife she sees.

Ana looks over her shoulder, Bucky standing behind the safety line. "Ready?"

He swipes his hand in the air twice, telling her to throw already. Ana sets up her stance, picks the target she wants and raises her arm. She counts in her head. Three, two, one. Then brings her arm forward, releasing the knife. It lands way off center, barley lodging in the dummy. All it would do is nick someone.

“I guess I’m a bit rusty.” Ana shrugs sheepishly, turning back.

“I can teach you.” Bucky offers, a smile still faintly on his lips. 

It's not fair how attractive he looks at the moment. Casual and open, his hair pushed more to one side, his scruffy stubble looking soft, as do his red lips. Ana mentally shakes her head and focuses.

“Can you? Like you aren’t rusty yourself?” She teases.

He steps up, invading her personal space. They really don't have boundaries anymore. "I may be a little more skilled than you."

Ana smirks. "That's what they all say. They forget how good I am with my hands."

Bucky visibly stumbles. "Uh, well...in that case."

Ana bites her lip to tamper down her smug smile. Making him blush is something she is beginning to live for. "Want to go against each other then?"

“We’ll make it a contest. Whoever wins...claims the Nutella.”

Ana can’t help the surprise laugh that escapes. “We’re betting over the jar of Nutella?”

“The big one.” Bucky smiles.

She eyes him up and down. “Deal.”

Bucky grabs three Perfect Point RC 040-6 knives, raising his eyebrows until Ana steps back, giving him space. His right arm jerks forward quickly, then his left, then right again. All three land smack in the middle of all three different targets. The look he gives her is smug, cocky and it shouldn’t be endearing, it shouldn't be  _hot_ , but it is. The glass protection window goes up as the guard removes the knives from the targets. As they watch, Ana speaks up.

“Not bad for an old man.” She quips. It earns her a hip check. “Wait. You remember in  _Robin Hood Men in Tights_?”

Bucky laughs. “Strange, but funny movie.”

“Towards the end with the archery contest? Do I lose if I hit the bulls-eye, or do I win if I can hit the target in the exact same spot as you did?”

He purses his lips, considering. “You win.”

Ana nods, taking the knives after the safety block lowers. She barely even aims before she throws the first knife. It lands perfectly in the previous slash left by Bucky. The second one follows, as does the third. Ana turns, giving him an innocent look. Bucky’s mouth is half open in awe, staring at the targets. Slowly he closes his mouth and looks at her. He points to the knives, narrowing his eyes.

“What the hell? Did you just hustle me?” He asks in disbelief.

Ana tries biting her lip to stop her widening smile. She can’t. “Maybe.”

“You’re a little shit.” Bucky chuckles. “This is your specialty, isn’t it?”

“What gave it away?”

He shakes his head, taking the knives back when the guard returns them again. “That’s remarkably precise aim. I’m seriously impressed.”

“This means that jar is mine and you can’t have any of it.” Ana reminds him, poking him in the chest.

Bucky grabs her wrists, halting her poking and holds up the knives. “Round two, darling. Bet you can’t go a second time.”

Ana steps closer to him. “Bet I can.” 

They are standing mere inches apart. Something suddenly shifts around them, the energy almost palpable. It tingles at her skin. Bucky carefully places the knives in the hand that he’s still holding. He lets go once she has the knives in her grip, grazing his fingertips along her skin.

Ana doesn’t even adjust her stance or move away. She just throws the first knife without looking. Bucky is staring down at her, steel blue eyes dark, captivating and makes something curl in the pit of Ana's stomach. His hair is hanging in front of his face, and she has a sudden urge to push it behind his ear. She resists.

"You missed." He tells her quietly.

"Did I?" Ana challenges. She throws her arm forward again, the knives landing right next to the previous one.

He doesn't even look over to the target she picked. Instead, there's a slow smirk spreading across his mouth, and Ana is suddenly reminded how full his lips really are. He gently takes the last knife out of her hand, fingertips grazing over her skin again, lifts his hand up and away from her face. Then he throws it quicker than she did. It sticks to the target with a dull thunk, and it takes all of Ana's willpower to tear her eyes away from his to look over. The knife landed right between the two previous ones she threw just seconds earlier.

"Show off." She mutters darkly. She looks up at him. "Tell me, was that a previous acquired skill?"

Bucky licks his lips briefly, voice a low rumble as he says, "I remember most of my previous acquired skills."

The air between them is now electric, heated, and that same heat is beginning to seep down Ana's spine. She doesn't miss the way his eyes deliberately drop to her mouth, then slowly brings them back up. His breath shudders out of his mouth, and he sways forward slightly. Ana takes the smallest step forward, but the loud smack of the door opening makes them startle. 

The sound of a familiar voices makes Ana take two steps back. It doesn't nothing to the charged energy surrounding them though. She can't clear her head quickly enough, which means she can't leave before the people appear in their section. Bucky lifts his eyes over her head, and he gently wraps his hand around her right wrist, pulling her aside.

Once Ana is next to him, she can clearly see Jared Sharp and Agent Woods. She never told Bucky, but Ana laid into Jared, gave him two earfuls of cruse words and threats after he said what he did to Bucky. The men spot her then, halting their steps. Agent Woods at least has the grace to look a little apprehensive around her. Jared however, nearly sneers at them.

"Rios." He says with something foul in his mouth.

"Sharp." Ana responds in the same manor. She glares at him. "Don't touch my knives."

Then Ana is pulling her arm forward, knowing Bucky won't let go of her wrist. He follows her out of the section, and then the range all together. They walk down the hall, zig-zagging through the building until they make it back to their living quarters. Bucky finally releases her wrist, waiting as Ana unlocks the door.

"Why does he hate you so much?" Bucky asks, his voice hard. Nothing like it was earlier. He sounds a little cold.

"Who fucking knows." She responds. "He knows better than to mess with me though. After I tore him a new one after he talked to you."

"I almost feel bad for him. Almost."

Ana smiles at him over her shoulder as they enter. "It was fun."

"I'd hate to be on the other end of your wrath, sweetheart." Bucky tells her. "Especially seeing your knives skills.”

"You would, you softy." Ana sighs fondly.

Bucky laughs, sitting on one of the stools at the island. "If you won't spar with me, will you at least allow me to teach you some of my moves?"

Ana blinks. "You want to teach me your assassin knife tricks?"

He rolls his eyes. "I have this little flip that seems to be an element of surprise."

"I hope you know, this entire conversation right now is a giant innuendo." She pauses, placing a hand over her chest and pretends to get emotional. "I am so proud of you, Bucky."

"You're ridiculous." He sighs fondly.

They end up sharing the Nutella.

 

*******************************************************************************

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> we getting somewhere...........getting somewhereeeeeee  
> i promise when we get there it will be worth it...  
> Thank you for reading! <3


	24. Chapter 24

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warnings, panic attack, nightmare aftermath,

Ana wakes with a start, sitting up quickly and gasping for air. There’s a cold sweat covering every inch of her body, damping the roots of her hair and running down her spine. Her heart is racing, pounding against her rib cage. She looks frantically around the darkness of the room and it takes her several, fear seizing moments to realize where she is. She’s panting, trying to catch her breath, heat prickling her skin and her stomach clenching sickeningly. 

It was a dream, a  _nightmare._  Ana knows that now, but she can’t stop the panic rising within her. It felt too real, and she has to check. She has to make sure it was actually the confines of her mind, and not the possible chance that Hydra has actually recaptured Bucky. 

Ana makes to get out of bed, nearly falling on her face from her legs tangled in the sheets. Once she gets herself free, she practically runs out of her room, not bothering to grab her sweatpants to pull over her boy-shorts. She doesn’t have time for anything other than hurrying down the hallway straight towards Bucky's room.

She quietly, but quickly knocks on his door, waiting for an answer. She barely waits ten seconds and knocks again. When there's still no answer, she turns the knob to find it unlocked and enters. She can't see very well in the dark, but the soft blue lighting of the moon coming from the blinds illuminates the bed. There's a lump of sheet and Ana marches forward.

"Bucky." She reaches out, pulling the covers down, and her heart sinks to her feet.

The bed is empty. 

Ana feels sick, bile rising up her throat with her panic, burning, tasting foul. She spins to the en-suite, but the door is wide open, and she can feel her hands shaking. Bucky isn't in his room, in the middle of the night. Her breath begins to shorten, chest heaving with trying to keep up with her pants. Ana stands there for a moment, trying to calm herself down, but the images of the nightmare floods her mind. Bucky's curdling screams echoing in her ears.

She leaves his room, checking the lounge area and the kitchen. Nothing. It's dark and empty and the glowing time on the stove reads it's a quarter to four. Ana's entire body is trembling now. This can't be happening, he can't be gone. She pushes through, running through the hallway on light feet, coming to a stop at the end. The latter for the roof access is closed, and that is the last option she has to look before she goes and wakes everyone up.

She grabs the handle and pulls the hidden stairs down, quickly climbing up. She stumbles a few times, her panic getting the best of her. Once she's found her footing and takes the last step to the roof, she pushes the door open and scans the area. It too, is heart-wrenchingly vacant. 

"Bucky!?" Ana calls frantically, sweat prickling at her temples.

Maybe it wasn't a nightmare. Maybe they infiltrated the compound and captured them both. Maybe they did really strap her down at gun point. Forced her to watch as they erase Bucky's memory once more and- 

"Ana?"

Relief floods Ana's entire body when she hears his voice and sees him sit up from between the seats. Ana rushes over to him as he stands, and she practically falls into his chest, Bucky catching her arms. He had scars on his face in the dream and she needs to check. She scans his worried, confused face, her hands coming up to hold him. She places one hand on his left cheek, and the other on the right side of his forehead. All she feels is smooth, unharmed skin.

"What's wrong? Ana, what is it?" Bucky asks frantically, concern laced in his tone.

"I-I-I have to check. I- you're okay, oh, my God, you're okay and I- I."

Bucky takes her hands off his face, but Ana brings them back up immediately, thumb swiping over the smoothness of his cheekbone. No mark from that horrible memory wiper machine. He's standing right in front of her, safe and cut free, but she can't stop shaking. It's vibrating down to her bones and she's trembling all over.

"Ana, look at me, darling. I think you're having a panic attack." Bucky says gently. He takes hold of her hands again, pressing them against his chest. 

"I thought- you- I had to- you're safe- and I had-"

"Hey, Annie, focus on me. Breathe, count and breathe." He coaches calmly. "I'm right here. I'm fine, nothing has happened."

Ana nods, then shakes her head, then nods again. She grips what she can of the white shirt Bucky's wearing, feeling his steady heartbeat beneath her knuckles. She sees him, she feels him, she hears him, but she can't shake off the images of the dream. Can't drown out the screams of agony, radiating in her ears and haunting her mind. 

"Breathe, Ana, count and breathe." 

She attempts to focus on his soft, soothing voice, his calm instructions. She begins to inhale deeply, but it comes out choppy as her eyes continue to scan his face. He must notice this, because Bucky take his left hand away from hers, tentatively placing the palm of his hand on her cheek. It's the cool press of metal that brings Ana back to reality. Confirming that Bucky, in fact, is unharmed, free and trying to calm her down. His eyes search hers, and she focuses on how silvery the irises look in the moonlight. 

"I'm okay, it's okay. I'm right here." He tells her. "Breathe. Come back to me, love."

Ana raises her hand to gently brush strands of his hair back behind his ear. When she inhales this time, she holds it for two counts, then exhales. She breaks their gaze, dropping her forehead to his sternum, feeling him breath slowly. She hears him mumble the counts, and Ana follows it. Her hand slips from his hair to the side of his neck, his pulse jumping under her fingertips.

They remain like that until Ana finally feels the churning in her stomach fade, and her heart isn't seizing up in terror. Bucky reaches the ten count, and she focuses on feeling him instead. The contrast of his warm skin, and the coolness of the smooth metal. The rise and fall of his chest as he breathes along with her. The calming rhythm of his heart and the fluttering of the vein in his neck. Feels his hand squeeze her own, a comforting anchor she didn't know she needed until now.

"Don't leave me yet." Ana whispers, stepping closer and turning her head so her ear rests over his heart.

"Wasn't planning on it." Bucky promises, slowly moving his arms to wrap around her body. "I'm right here." 

***

The stillness of the night is broken when the mug placed in front of Ana makes a soft thud on the counter. It pulls her from daze where she was staring absentmindedly, thank God, at the wall. She's aware enough just in time to stop the jar of Nutella from sliding off the surface, along with a spoon. It's the first time she smiles after she awoke from her nightmare. Ana looks up at Bucky, and he shrugs.

"Thanks, but I'll just have the tea." Ana says quietly.

"More for me." Bucky says, walking around the counter to sit on the stool next to her. He makes to open the lid but glancing at her face stops him. "Want to talk about it?"

Ana shakes her head no. She takes the spoon, stirring the teabag around. "Why were you on the roof? You didn't have your own nightmare, did you?"

"No," He assures her, he looks down briefly, then gets up walking towards the couch. He continues talking as Ana watches him. 

"I couldn't sleep, and I've come to find out that the serenity of the area calms me." He grabs one of the dark teal blankets, coming back. "Don't laugh, but there's something soft about the moonlight. I like it."

Ana stares quizzically at him until he opens the blanket some, and places it over her bare legs with a slight flush to his cheeks. Bare legs. Ana's legs are bare from her feet to her almost her hips. Because she ran out of bed with just tiny little boy shorts, and a black cami top on. She's basically been in her underwear this entire time; almost naked even, since she definitely doesn't wear a bra to bed. Ana lifts the mug to her lips and takes a fast sip, the liquid nearly burning her tongue off.

Bucky clears his throat. "You looked cold." He mutters.

Ana moves her loose hair over her shoulder, as if he didn't already catch on that she's two pieces of clothing away from sleeping in the nude. "I panicked."

"Are you sure you're okay now?" He asks, thankfully not commenting on her sleepwear.

Ana nods, placing her cup down. "It felt so real."

She can almost feel the ghost of her restraints pressing against her arms, and the sounds of Bucky's screams will probably always haunt her now. She has no idea if the dream resonated from their Deprogramming Sessions, or the actual footage of the process she has seen. She only saw that video once, and that was months ago. Bucky places his hand over hers, and Ana realizes she's trembling again.

"You don't have to tell me anything." Bucky assures, smiling softly at her. Her heart flutters for a moment. "Drink your tea and maybe try going back to sleep?"

"I don't think I can." Ana looks down at the tea, her hair falling forward and creating a curtain. 

She bites her lip, because she knows if she tries falling asleep, the images will plague her mind again. She feels Bucky remove his hand, only to carefully push her hair back from her face. She follows the movement, lifting her face to see him. Her eyes flutter for a moment as his fingertips graze temple, curves over her ear and along her jaw. There's a softness in his eyes that Ana can't quiet place, but the flittering of her heart is back.

"I'm right here, Ana. I'm safe. I'm not going anywhere." He promises. 

"Just...stay with me, please?"

Bucky's hand gently cups her jaw, thumb tenderly rubbing over her cheek. Once again, the coldness of his left hand grounds her, and her eyelids feel heavy. She drops her gaze down, realizes that she's staring at his lips, red and full and slightly parted. Ana brings her hand up, clasping her fingers around his wrist to keep his touch there. When she looks up, she's met with his blue eyes that almost match the color of the moonlight. Pale blue, soft, comforting. 

He's leaning forward just a little bit, and so is Ana. It's as if Bucky's eyes are the ocean and she can't help being pulled in with the tide. Her skin feels warmth, despite his touch, seeping into her bones, and Ana hasn't felt this calm after a nightmare before. She can't tell if her empathetic energy is feeding off Bucky, but she can't find herself to care at the moment. Because he feels safe, and he is safe, and sitting in front of her looking unfairly stunning in the early morning and leaning towards her. There's only several inches standing between them, when a noise startles both of them.

They break all contact, Bucky dropping his hand, and Ana grabbing her mug. The noise came from the hallway and when they look for the source, Sam in bending to pick something up from the floor. He spots them when he straightens up, hesitating for only a moment before walking in further. There's a hint of a smirk on the corners of his mouth, and Ana has a sneaking suspicious that whatever he dropped was not by accident.

"Could you be any quieter?" Bucky asks sarcastically.

"No." Sam responds flatly. He reaches the island and grabs the Nutella.

"Why in the world are you up so early?" Ana questions, pouting as he opens the jar.

"Morning workout." He answers, turning to grab a spoon from the drawer.

"That's evil."

Sam is about to dunk the spoon into the chocolate spread, when Bucky snatches the jar way. "That's not an ideal pre-workout meal, pal."

Sam levels him with a look as Ana casually sips her tea. "And why are you both up canoodling?"

Ana chokes slightly on her tea and can see Bucky flush. She clears her throat. "We were not- I had a nightmare."

The teasing smile drops from Sam's face. He's witnessed the aftermaths of her previous nightmares once or twice. "Was it bad this time?"

"Vivid." She tells him. She feels Bucky nudge her ankle with his foot.

"Same one?"

"New one."

"Want to work out with me? Might clear your mind." Sam offers kindly.

"I'd rather chew my arm off, but thank you." She smiles.

Bucky chuckles. 

"Right. Not a morning person." Sam laughs.

"Speaking of," Ana turns her attention to Bucky as Sam goes about preparing his actual pre-workout drink. "Let's have the day off, because I'll probably crash soon anyway, and I don't think I'll have the energy for anything other than staying in bed."

"Whatever you want, doll face."

Ana narrows her eyes and reaches up and tugs on a strand of his hair as Sam laughs. "Call me that again, Snow Flurry." 

Sam laughs louder and if he isn't careful, might wake up the rest of the living area. 

"Alright, alright," Bucky chuckles, shaking his heads. "We're even."

Ana narrows her eyes at him, but she can't contain the little smile breaking across her mouth. She licks her lip trying to hide it, and Bucky's eyes drop to her mouth. Sam is quiet suddenly and Ana hopes it's because he's making his drink. 

"Snow Flurry, really?" Bucky asks flatly, bringing his gaze back up. Ana nods. He rolls his eyes and smiles. "Finished with your tea?"

She looks down at her mug, the liquid nearly gone. "Yeah, I think it helped, thanks. I think I will go to bed though, try to get some sleep this time." 

She goes to get up, and Bucky clears his throat and taps her knee. "Don't forget the blanket."

Ana eyes widen slightly. "Right." She gathers the blanket, maneuvering it round until it's draped over her shoulders and down her legs. "Sam, enjoy your workout." 

Sam turns to throw her a playful wink and it's been way too long of a night to even decipher what he means by that.

"Um, me too." Bucky announces. "Sleep, that is."

They walk together down the hallway, and when they pass Bucky's room they don't say anything. Not until they reach the more secluded area of Ana's. The panic she felt from the dream has faded, but there's an uneasy wave rolling in her stomach. She just hopes she can sleep peacefully this time, and not fall back into where she felt off. Ana hesitates in front of her door, and Bucky grabs her hand, not holding the blanket.

"Will you be okay?" He questions, concern laced within the low drawl of his voice.

"I think so." Ana says somewhat confident. "Thank you for calming me, Bucky. I'm sorry if I freaked you out."

"You don't need to be sorry for anything. Two way street, remember?"

She smiles at that. "Yeah."

"Just come find me again. Don't forget, Ana, I'm safe here. With you." He brings her hand up to his mouth, softly pressing his lips to the back of her hand. "Sleep well. Cute shorts, by the way."

Then, Bucky release her hand, turns and walks away heading towards his own room. Ana stares after him, dumbfounded. The uneasy waves have turned into soft flapping of wings in her stomach, apparently sending heated wind to her cheeks. Ana blows out a breath she didn't know she was holding, and decides she can figure out the ocean of strange emotions the next time she wakes up.

Once she's in bed, under the duvet she straightens out, Ana can still feel the coolness of his mechanical hand, and burning spot on her skin left behind from his soft lips. She finally slips into a peaceful sleep, knowing that Bucky is safe and out of the enemy's radar. Safe and sound in his room, and living within the compound, and sending her heart into overdrive.

 

*************************************************************************************


	25. Chapter 25

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uh....mentions of a movie sex scene? Is that considered a warning? It's non-graphic.

Three days after Ana's nightmare, something seems off. Bucky had expected for there to be following nightmares, even staying up all night with his door cracked open to hear Ana just in case. There wasn't any. In fact, after several hours of sleep, two cups of coffee and lounging on the couches while binge watching some movies, Ana seemed fine. Maybe sticking a little closer to Bucky than usual. Casually leaning into his arm, and even once falling back to sleep with the top of her head pressing into his thigh. 

Bucky had the same intentions, just to reassure Ana that her nightmare wasn't real, reminding her of the same thing she always reminds him. He just wanted to make sure that she was alright, that there wasn't any lingering panic. When she had fallen asleep, almost on his lap, Bucky paid more attention to her even, slow breaths than the movie on the screen. Something about two teenagers in love during the 1940's, who fall apart and find each other again later in life.

She had woken at an extremely awkward part of the movie for Bucky. He could feel his eyes widen as he stared at the screen, wondering how in the hell movies were able to put in steamy, sex scenes nowadays. Ana chose that moment to sit up, stretch, look over at Wanda, then Bucky and broke out into a laugh.

"It's part of life." Wanda had stated immediately, looking entirely engrossed in the movie.

"You're gonna give the old man a heart attack." Ana had quipped. 

That had brought Bucky back to his senses, his cheeks heating up. "I think I hear my phone ringing." He high tailed it out of the lounge, Ana's gleeful laugh following him to his room. 

"What?  _The Notebook_  is a classic!" Wanda defends.

"His poor little Snowflake heart!"

***

 

It takes those three days for something to happen. Ana doesn't look right the moment she steps into the lab. Bucky notices it instantly, so attuned to her and her expressions, her presence. He knows every little detail about her face now, and the slightest dent in the middle her eyebrows is how he catches it. She stumbles in as if she tripped over something, catching herself on a nearby chair. Bucky quickly pushes himself off the desk, making his way over to her. She smiles gratefully when he offers his hand as support.

"Morning." She greets, sounding a little breathless.

From this close, Bucky can see how dark under her eyes are. "What's wrong?"

"Hmm?" Ana's eyes follow a few agents walking in behind her. One of them being Sharp. "What do you mean?"

"You don't look so good." He tells her as they walk over to their area.

"Well, geez, take me now, Sailor." She quips flatly.

Bucky rolls his eyes. "Not what I mean. I meant...you look off, like your energy or something."

Ana plops rather ungracefully down into her chair. "Um..." She takes a moment to breathe. "I think lack of caffeine. I'll be fine."

The smile she gives him is enough to take her word for it. So, Bucky makes her coffee, adds a little more sugar than she normally takes, just to make sure it isn't that either. She thanks him quietly, voice soft but chipper and they get started.

Bucky has barely taken his eyes off Ana, watching her closely, and something really isn't right. Her eyes keep fluttering as if she is fighting off spells of dizziness. She shakes her head here and there, just little movements that cause the shorter strands of her hair to come loose from her braid. She flexes her fingers once in a while, and her breathing seems to become deeper, slower.

He sticks closer than necessary, pressing his own boots against her heeled ones. Or he makes sure to graze her hand whenever they pass something to each other. For the majority of the morning, Bucky offers to get anything she may need; new notebooks, more coffee, the bananas Max offers them. It's that moment when Bucky takes the fruit, does he question Max about it.

"I've noticed it just twenty minutes ago." Max informs him quietly. "Thought it might be blood sugar or something."

"It's not." Bucky states, eyes locked on Ana. She's tapping her thumb against her clavicle as she always does.

"No." Max agrees. "Keep a close eye on her, please."

The request makes Bucky tear his gaze away from her, and focus on Max instead. It's the first time him and Max are having a full conversation, and it's the first time any of the guards asks him for something. To trust him to watch out for her. Max is obviously a close friend of Ana's, and in retrospect, that makes Bucky trust him; just a little.

"I always keep a close eye on her." Bucky mumbles.

Max offers him a smile. "Oh, I know. Thank you."

Nodding, Bucky is about to go back to Ana, when there's a brief touch to his shoulder.

"Barnes," Max's voice drops low enough just for his ears. "It's a person."

Those three words make his eyes snap to Jared Sharp. 

He hadn't been paying attention to the surrounding people, too busy making sure Ana didn't faint. Bucky sees it now though. Sharp is sitting on the far side of the room at his desk, head nearly hidden by his computer screen. Only his eyes are visible, and it hits Bucky like Thor's hammer to the face.

Bad Energy.

Jared has, somehow, some way, been sending negative energy towards Ana. Bucky is an idiot. He knows Ana is capable of feeling people's energies and feels it whenever she walks into a room. She feels it now, because she always uses her abilities with Bucky during these morning talks. He shifts his eyes over to Ana.

She has curled over the desk, resting her cheek on her arms. Her legs are pulled up into the chair, and the expression on her face is pinched. She looks like she's in pain, or going to be sick. Even from this distance, Bucky can tell that her breaths are labored. Her eyes are squeezed shut, and Bucky has to get her out of the room.

"Uh, Barnes." Max says from behind him

Bucky remember he has a banana in his left hand. He looks down, only to find that the peel has burst open, half of the fruit laying on the floor. He quickly picks it up, throwing it all away harshly into the trash, then stalks over to Ana's desk. Once he gets there, he gently brushes the stray hairs sticking to her temple aside.

"Buck-" Ana struggles out, "I feel-"

"We gotta get you out of here, darling." Bucky tells her quietly, gently gripping her shoulders. "Bad vibes."

Ana hums and allows herself to be pulled up. She instantly leans against him, worry flooding through his chest. He's seen her get like this before, right after a nightmare or using her abilities, but never from someone willing directing dark energy toward her. 

Carefully, Bucky leads Ana out of the lab and into the outside terrace for fresh air. He gently lowers her down onto a chair, doesn't let go until he knows she won't fall over. He doesn't leave her until Ana's breathing evens out, and someone comes into his peripheral view. He looks over, Agent Sharon Carter standing there with curious eyes.

"Stay with her." Bucky says. "I'll be back."

"It's not wise to threaten him, Barnes." Sharon warns, sitting next to Ana and placing her hand on her shoulder.

"Like I give a fuck." He nearly spits, already walking away.

"I said not wise! Not that you shouldn't. By all means, punch him in the face."

Her approval makes a snort of laughter leave his mouth. He can appreciate Ana's real friends having a mutual dislike toward this guy. It's just his luck that as Bucky is walking back into the building, Jared is coming out of the lab. Bucky struts over to him, reaching out and grabbing the back of his shirt.

Tugging harshly, Bucky drags Jared behind a pillar, slamming him against the wall. He can feel his nostrils flaring and his eyes hardening. He quickly switches his hold to the front of Jared's button up, stepping closer. To his credit, Jared doesn't look scared, just surprised, then he narrows his eyes.

"Leave her the fuck alone, you piece of shit." Bucky snarls lowly. "You have it out for her for some unknown reason, but let me tell you. I don't need to be triggered to hurt you."

There it is. A flash of fear in the green of his cold eyes. "Threatening me so openly, Sergeant? Your little girlfriend won't approve of that will she?"

For a brief moment, Bucky thinks this hatred is driven from of place of envy. He twists the material of Jared's shirt harder. "I mean it. Stay away from her, or I will knock every one of your teeth out."

Bucky then shoves him back again, releasing his shirt. He doesn't even spare a glance back over his shoulder, just heads back out to the terrace. He knows Jared won't follow him, or even speak another word after his threat. When Bucky is back outside, pushing the doors open with more force than needed, Ana is slouching in the chair, her head resting against the backrest.

"Feel better, Winter Bunny?" She asks. At least her voice has its normal volume.

Sharon laughs once, before rubbing her lips together and schooling her features.

"Do you? Will you be okay?" Bucky ask, standing behind her and looking down.

She quirks her lips at him. "In a few minutes. Though I'm not sure if it's the air or the fact that you just blatantly threaten Sharp. That was quite alluring."

He wants to be endured, but then Bucky remembers just minutes ago. "Just let me protect you for once, Ana. If not from me, then from him."

Ana slowly picks her head up, her smile fading from her pink lips. She blinks owlishly up at him, the bad energy seeming to still taking its toll.

"Thank you."

Bucky can't hold back the smile he gives her in return. He's pretty sure it's as soft as the look in her eyes.

***

 

Ana and Bucky had been separated later that day, since Steve came by to talk to him about something. She has no idea where they went, and they've been gone for most of the day. She still feels a little shaky. It's been several hours since she felt like she would pass out, her blood prickling and rushing in her ears. She can't be sure if it's because Jared had gotten to her, was able to cause an affect like that, or that she is just livid with him. Either way, after Ana had felt much better than early and finally gets the chance to make it to the gym.

She ends up taking off her button up shirt, still in her black pants and white tank top. She takes off her boots, leaving her barefoot and starts wailing on the kickboxing dummy they named Frank. Sam is already there, in the middle of a set but stops when he she’s her. He stands next to her, a little off to the side.

"I swear to God, Sam," Ana pants after several quick punches. "He is the biggest dick bag to ever walk these halls. Who just fucking sits there and decides to send dark energy my way. I don't know what I ever fucking did to him!" Ana kicks the chest of the dummy so hard, the bottom rocks back, then comes forward with a thud. She lifts her right leg.

"Don't- your knee!" Sam warns.

Ana lands a roundhouse kick, ignoring the twinge in her knee as she comes back down. She imagines it's Jared's face. She can't physically beat him up, but she can dream. She continues to punch the dummy, one right after the other. She doesn't know why he's been getting under her skin lately, but she's getting really sick and tired of it. She tells Sam this.

He's about to respond, when another voice interrupts. 

"What the hell is going on?"  

Ana misses her next punch because she's suddenly distracted. Her mouth runs dry, her lips parting and whatever she was angry about fades away from her mind.

Bucky is standing by the entryway of the showers, wearing nothing but boxer briefs, hanging low on his hips like he hastily pulled them on. His expression changes from curious to concern. His is face damp and his is hair wet, water dripping from the ends onto his bare shoulders. Ana's eyes follow the droplets of water. 

It trails down his collarbone, over his defined pecks, dipping between each sculpted ab, soaking into the band of the boxers. The thin piece of clothing leaves little to the imagination, revealing a soft trail of downy hair disappearing under the material. Ana's eye continues to travel south, the bulge she notices makes her involuntarily swallow the dry lump. The thick muscles of his thighs shift as he takes a few steps toward her.

"Did something happen again? Was it Sharp??" Bucky is asking, his voice hardening. "Ana?"

Ana hears him, she does, but she can't seem to do that putting-words-into-sentence-doing thing. Her eyes are glued to where his muscles cut into a sinful V line. She's seen him shirtless before, but never like this. Never in just his underwear and body literally glistening.

"Words, Rios, Words." Sam mutters, elbowing her.

Ana snaps out of it, quickly bringing her eyes back up to Bucky's face. She takes a slow inhale of air, swearing that there's a little hint of a smirk on his mouth, but his cheeks look a little flushed. She doesn't know if it's from the heat of the shower, or that she has been blatantly staring at him for the pass minute. She still has yet to make words come out of her mouth.

"Uh..." Is her brilliant, belated response. "I-um- I didn't know you were in there."

Sam snorts.

"I was getting really hot during my workout." Bucky explains.

"I'm sure you were." Ana clears her throat. "I mean…uh..yeah, no, it's uh. it's rather hot- um I mean, yes. It's uh- the temperature-"

"Are you alright?" Bucky chuckles, taking another step forward.

Ana has a crazy urge to bite the lines of his hips. She mentally shakes her head, but her eyes widen because-  _what the fuck_? She's losing her mind right now.

"She's dehydrated." Sam lies, this time nudging her harder.

Bucky frowns, worried. "Are you sure you're alright from earlier? I can get you water."

"No!" Ana says, shaking her head out of her stupor. "I'm fine, really. I was just…just taking my frustrations out on poor Frank here." She pats the dummy's chest.

"If you stare any harder, he'll catch fire." Sam mumbles behind her.

Ana steps on his toe until he hisses in pain.

"If you say so." Bucky says, brushing his dripping wet hair back from his face. He doesn't look convinced, but he looks beautiful in every other way. He takes several steps closer to them.

Ana is sure her heart is racing so fast, it's going to cause health problems. There's a swirling in the pit of her stomach, and she can feel her cheeks heat up. She's usually more collected, more calm than this around Bucky, but lately... Ana shakes her head again, turning back to Frank.

She ignores Sam's quiet snickers. She ignores Bucky's...everything, and picks up her punches again. The strain and burn in her muscles grounds her, allows her to take a few moments to collect her eloquence again. She suddenly feels like this is payback for her black dress she wore to the Gala. Ana didn't just wear it because it was one of the only clean dresses she had. Oh no, she wore it in hopes of maybe running into Bucky at some point of the night. She had, but she didn't think she had any effect on him. Besides a slight blush and staring a moment too long. This is karma.

"Cute shorts, by the way." Ana says after she throws a final punch. 

There. She got her wit back. Bucky shifts, his muscles flexing in the process. Her wit leaves her just as fast. Bucky takes the final steps to close the distance between them, gently placing his metal hand on her hip. Ana can't suppress the shiver that runs up her spine.

"Adjust your stance." He tells her. She can practically hear the smugness in his stupid, gravelly voice.

"You seem to be obsessed with position there." She quips.

"Only with you." Bucky responds lowly.

"Fucking Christ, you two." Sam says, exasperated. throwing his hands up. "I'm out."

Ana ignores Bucky's comment, simultaneously the rabbiting of her heart as well. "I was not done ranting."

Sam waves his hand as a parting. "I'm sure your Soldier there won't mind!"

Ana glares at his retreating back. Suddenly, there's a towel hitting her head and falling to her shoulder. Ana takes it, wiping her forehead and temples. She bends over to carefully probe her fingers around her right knee. It feels swollen. It's what she gets to kicking out like that.

"How's your knee?" Bucky questions. When Ana straightens up, she sees that Bucky has wrapped a bigger towel around his shoulder, covering the majority of his torso.

"Nothing I can't handle." She says. "Probably shouldn't have kicked it as hard as I did."

"He didn't try anything else with you, did he?"

"No. Just frustrated from earlier." Ana sighs, balls up the towel and throws it across the room. It hits the wall and lands in the bin. "I'm just so fed up with him. I don't know what I did."

"I don't think it's anything you've done, Ana. He seems jealous of you."

Ana barks out a laugh. "What? That's ridiculous."

Bucky smiles, shaking his head. He begins to walk back toward the showers. "I'm not sure if it's...romantic-" Ana makes a face- "or your sudden high authority."

"That's crazy, Bucky." She says, following him. "I understand maybe Simon Mills, but Jared? That's not even his department."

Ana pauses, because Bucky has bent over, grabbing what appears to be black sweat pants from the bench. She watches as he slowly steps into them, pulling them up over his strong thighs and his firm a-  _goddammit_. Ana shakes her head again. Focus.

"Jared has hated me way before that." She continues.

Bucky shrugs as he faces her. "All I know is he really has it out for you. Just be careful." He takes the shirt hanging on the metal rack and pulls it over his head and down his stomach. "I didn't know anyone could do that to you."

"I didn't think so either." Ana frowns.

Bucky is quiet for a moment. "Are you finishing beating up the poor dummy?"

"For now. Why?"

"Wanda claims she's making tacos tonight, so Steve suggested him and I go out? To buy groceries or something along those lines."

Ana raises her eyebrows as Bucky walks pass her, their arms brushing. Ana catches up, walking next to him. She grabs her button up and boots as they leave the gym.

"Are you comfortable with that?"

He shrugs again. "I've only been on the outside of this place. Think it's about time to adventure our more. I was wondering if you wanted to join us?"

There's a little nervousness in his voice and it makes Ana smile at him. "Of course. It'll be fun. We're talking the 1964 mustang though, and I'm driving."

"That, uh, convertible one, right? Of course, you'd want to drive that." Bucky laughs. 

He walks a little ahead of her, and on several occasions, Ana has to lift her eyes back up, instead of watching him walk in front of her.

 

*********************************************************************************************

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promise..


	26. Chapter 26

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Language. Violence. Past mentions violence/blood. Flashbacks.

"How are you related to Pepper Potts again?" Sam questions during lunch a few days later. The weather has been nice lately, so most everyone decided to take their food outside. 

Ana swallows the bite of her salad, flicking a raw mushroom onto Bucky's plate. He makes a face at her and scoots it onto his napkin instead. He flicks blue cheese crumbles off of his own, and Ana steals six croutons because she hates blue cheese and Bucky deserves to be punished for that.

"Pepper is my dad's niece." She answers. She elbows Bucky as he continues to dump crumbles on the side of her plate. She winces and pouts being she just nailed him in his left arm. 

"So, you've known Tony for how long now?"

"Too damn long." Tony says, smirking against his glass.

"You love me, you big mush." Ana tells him, pointing her finger at him. "It’s been almost ten years? Whenever she first started working with you."

"Long time." Sam whistles.

"Yeah," Clint pipes up, "how have you stayed sane?"

"I didn't know that." Bucky mutters next to her.

Ana tunes out the bantering around them. "You alright, Bucky?"

He nods, pushing some tomatoes around on his plate. His eyes flicker to Tony briefly. "Fine. Just a little nervous still."

"Want to eat somewhere else?"

"No." He smiles at her. "We're...tolerable. Now I know why he cares so much about you."

"He's family now." Ana says, smiling over at Tony.

After lunch, Ana ends up taking a nap. She just can't help it when her sleep hours are out of wack, along with the flux of her energy. She seems to be alone for the most part in the lounge, so she curls up around Ezra, pulls the blanket over her and falls asleep five minutes later.

_ *** _

 

_ Ana sighs as she unlocks and opens the door to the apartment, putting her purse on the table and tossing her keys in the little dish. Her date wasn't horrible, but it wasn't the most entertaining either. The guy was nice enough, they just didn't have anything in common. If Ana has to live in New York for the rest her life, she sure as hell won't be rooting for the Yankees, despite her date's reasoning that they're the best team of all time. Something clanks in the kitchen, pulling her from her thoughts as she toes off her boots. There's soft muttering coming from the area. _

_ "Alex?" Ana calls, taking off her coat and hanging it on the rack. She didn't think her brother would be home. _

_ She doesn't get an answer, so she makes her way further into the apartment. Alex is there, head dropped down as he stares at the counter. Immediately something feels off in the air, Ana sensing it; feels tainted, foul, thick. Alex shakes his head roughly, bringing his fist to his temple. Ana stops short. Clutched in her brother's fist is his knife, the Gerber Mark second edition. It's the knife he always carries with him, the one she thought was taken away after his episodes. _

_ "Alex." Ana says cautiously. "What's wrong?" _

_ "Make it stop." He mumbles, tapping the handle of the knife against his head. _

_ "I will. Just talk to me, tell me what's going on." She inches forward slowly; has to be extremely careful here. He could snap and hurt himself. Her heart begins to race. _

_ "Pain. Words. In my head." Alex pants. He looks up meeting his sister's gaze. "Ana." _

_ Ana nods. "I'm here." She holds her hands up to show him she means no harm. This episode seems calm so far, but worse than the others. He's never had a weapon before. _

_ "Where am I?" _

_ "Home. You're at home, in Buschwick." _

_ Alex twitches his head to the side. It's a strange, almost involuntary movement. His hand tightens around the handle of the knife. "Home." _

_ "Yes. Could I- could I borrow the knife to cut some bread for dinner?" Ana asks, trying some way to get him to hand it over. _

_ Alex nods, a confused expression on his face. He finally lowers his hand, the sharp, dangerous weapon away from his head. Ana inches closer. She needs him to fully release the knife. _

_ "How did I get here?" Alex questions, his grip loosening. _

_ "You were rescued remember? You were brought home to me. You're safe here." _

_ "Something is wrong, Ana. In my head, it doesn't feel right." _

_ Ana gently places her left hand over her brother's, the hand not holding the knife. "That's alright, Alex. I'm going to help you." _

_ "Are you? I'd like to see that." A third voice speaks from behind her, low and rough. Taunting. _

_ Ana turns to see someone emerging from the dark corner of the living room. The man is tall, slender, with graying hair and deep set eyes. No wonder the energy felt off, this man's own is radiating with something dark. There's a smirk picking up the corner of his mouth. She notices a little red symbol on his sleeve; Hyrda.  _

_ "So, you're his sister, AnaRosa Rios." The man speaks. "It took a while, but we finally got it out of him." _

_ Alex remains quiet behind her, and Ana squeezes his hand. She has to remain calm. "May I ask why you're in our home, uninvited?" _

_ The man chuckles, stopping to look at a picture of the sibling’s parents. He picks it up. "I assure you my presence is not unwelcome." _

_ Ana grinds her teeth. "I have to disagree." _

_ He puts the frame back down on the mantel, his dark eyes looking over her shoulder. "Your brother kindly invited me in. We needed to speculate if his training is complete." _

_ "Training? You mean torturing him?" Ana slowly moves her hand off her brother, discreetly trying to reach for her phone in her back pocket.  _

_ "Ah, ah. Call for help and you are both dead." The man threatens.  _

_ He's alone, but Ana is sure there are other people surrounding their apartment. Snippers maybe, or hiding in their bedrooms.  _

_ "I don't know what you want," Ana says, dropping her hand to the side. "I don't know anything, I don't any value information if that's what you're looking for." _

_ "I know, Ms. Rios. That's what makes this more tragic." _

_ Ana frowns, her heart clenching in her chest. She turns her attention to her brother, who has remained quiet this whole time. The knife is still held loosely in his hand, and she slowly drags her fingers across the counter to his knuckles. She needs to arm herself, and the closest thing is that damn knife. _

_ "Alex. " She murmurs. His eyes snap to hers. "Escape. Window." _

_ Her brother blinks, a sense of clarity in his gaze. He takes a step towards the window, almost handing her the weapon. Then, the man speaks up again. _

_ "Prishlo vremya, kogda Soldat vernetsya domoy." He recites. ("It is time for the soldier to go home.) _

_ Alex jerks, and there's a sharp stinging pain on Ana's skin. She gasps, immediately grabbing her wrist, blood seeping between her fingers. He sliced her wrist with the knife; the cut deep and quickly turning dangerous. Alex suddenly pushes Ana and her back slams against the wall. _

_ "Net!" He yells, dropping the knife on the counter and clutching his head. "Net! Ne zastavlyay menya! Beg, Ana! Run!" ("No. Don't make me. Run, Ana! Run!") _

_ Confusion and a bit of fear roots Ana to the spot, watching her brother struggle with something internal. When she looks to her left, the man is gone. She looks back at her brother. Is he speaking Russian?  _

" _What's happening!? Alex talk to me!"_

_ "You need to leave, run, find somewhere safe." Alex pants. _

_ "I'm not leaving you." Ana states fiercely. She squeezes her wrist harder, blood warm as it runs down her arm. _

_ She concentrates on the energy in the room, still a newly found gift to her. She focuses on it, tries turning it around, and pinning it to her brother. It seems to calm him for a few moments, Alex dropping his hands again and blinking. It's working, but Ana is trembling with the effort to understand it, to keep it positive when she, herself is scared.  _

_ "It's a trigger phrase." Alex whispers suddenly.  _

_ "What? What for?" Ana pants, blinking. _

_ His amber eyes turn dark, cold. He picks up the knife again. "To kill you." _

_ Ana is shocked, and it seizes what she's doing. She lunges to the right out of her brother's attack. The knife goes straight into the wall. It gives her time to arm herself, pulling the honing steel from the knife holder. When she turns, its just in time to block another attack from Alex, the blade of the knife slide down to the hilt of the steel. Ana jerks her fist to the left and the knife flies out of her brother's hand, cluttering to the floor. She kicks it away before he can get to it. Alex tackles her instead. _

_ Something pops and snaps in her right knee and she lands with a grunt, knocking her head on the floor, spots dancing in her vision. The movement causes her phone to fall out of her pocket. She just needs to get to it, press one button and help will be on its way. However, Alex is pinning her to the ground, thighs tight around her ribs. Ana brings the honing steel up and jabs it hard against the side of his thigh, making him fall back a little. She then takes the hilt of it, bashing it against her brother's chin. _

_ It knocks Alex off balance and Ana pushes herself up and tilts her body. He was the one who taught her how to get out of any hold in a fight, and this isn't any different. Alex falls to the side. Ana reaches for her phone, quickly flipping it open and hitting number one. Blood smears across the phone, the dial tone ringing.  _

_ She scrambles to get up, pain exploding in her knee and her hand slipping on the floor from her bleeding wound. She stands just in time for Alex to come at her with the knife again. She dodges the stab, grabs the cutting board off the counter just in time to block the deadly knife aimed at her chest. Ana brings her left knee up and slams it against Alex's crotch. He grunts in pain, hunching over. Ana smacks the wooden board over the back of his head and he falls to the ground, motionless. _

_ Something is buzzing from her phone, and she picks it up with her uninjured hand. "Pepper! I need help! Someone broke into our place and made Alex...attack me. I don't know!" _

_ "What? what? How- alright. I'm sending help now. What's happening?" Pepper demands frantically from the other line "Are you hurt?" _

_ Ana turns, holding the phone between her shoulder and ear, and grabs a fistful of paper towels pressing her bleeding wrist to it. "Just a little cut. I knocked Alex out. But I don't know what happened. He was acting strange and that man said something and he-" _

_ There's a sharp, searing pain from the front of her hip to her spine. A scream is ripped out of Ana's throat, dropping the phone and Ana falls to the floor. Alex is standing over her, blood dripping from the blade of the knife. Her blood. Her blood that is beginning to pool around her back, seeping into the designs of the wood. She can hear Pepper yelling through the phone, then a boot stomps down on it. _

_ Adrenaline surges throughout Ana's body, and with it, the lights in the apartment as well. They flicker as she kicks her foot at her brother's sternum. He grabs her leg to catch himself from falling backwards, jerking it to the side. The movement makes Ana spin, now face first to the floor. She sees the honing steel again, reaching for it. Her bloody fingers wrap around it, when she feels the blade of the knife enter her body. She cries out in agnoy. _

_ Alex grabs the back of her hair, pulling her up. The shifting of her body jerks the knife and Ana feels her breathe catch in her lungs. She stares up at her brother, dark eyes cold, expressionless. Ana gasps, reaching up to grab his arm, blood making her grip slid down. _

"Familia donde la vida comienza y el amor nunca termina."  _Ana whispers in Spanish. It's their family phrase they have always said to each other. It's the only thing Ana can think of to try and break through to him._  (family where life begins, and love never ends)

_ Alex's eyes flicker and he quickly releases his hold. Ana falls forward again, trying to regulate her breathing. All she can feel is the blade of the knife still lodged in her lower back, and the warm blood seeping from her wounds.  _

_ "Oh my god, Ana." Alex murmurs horrified. "What have I done?" _

_ He kneels next to her, slowly pulling the weapon from her back. Ana cries out again, gasping and she can feel herself beginning to panic. She can't do that. She can't let Alex see it, can't accelerate her heart rate, she's already losing too much blood. The edges of her vision is starting to blur. Alex presses something rough and dry to the wound, and Ana turns her face to see his. He's crying. _

_ "I'm so sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry." He's muttering.  _

_ There's a loud knocking at the door, followed by the sound of wood splintering. Metal tinging echoes throughout the apartment. All Ana can see is two shiny, red metal legs before her vision completely darkness. _

***

 

Waking with a start, Ana sits up abruptly, then promptly falls onto the floor. She had forgotten she fell asleep on the couch, and the blanket is tangled around her legs, making her feel constricted and places her right back in the kitchen pinned to the floor. Ana wrestles with the blanket, only seeming to make it worse, when a hand clamps around her forearm.

"I got it."

Ana just sees a blur of blankets, and suddenly her legs are free and she's standing up so fast, it makes her muscles twinge in her back and throb in her knee. She takes a defensive stance, panicking a little. She wildly glances around the room, noting the large windows, the sleek modern television, and Ezra lounging on the floor, staring at her with wide yellow eyes. Her gaze falls to the person sitting in front of her, his hands raised in open, nonthreatening gesture. 

"Bucky." Ana breathes, feeling the fight drain out of her. 

He holds his left hand out, and Ana knows he does it because the coolness of the metal ground hers. Brings her back to reality. She grabs his hand, reveals in the hard, cold fingers wrapping around her knuckles. She allows herself to be pulled towards the couch, slowly sitting down next to him. The phantom pain in her left wrist makes Ana rub her fingers over the scars.

"Another nightmare?" He asks, a deep frown set on his brow. "That's been happening a lot with you."

It wasn't a nightmare. Ana swallows the lump in her throat. "Want some whiskey?"

She makes to get up, but Bucky stop her. "Maybe later. You keep rubbing your wrist."

"Yeah...they hurt sometimes, the scars." She explains. "Where is everyone?"

"Training for an upcoming mission, I think. Do you want to talk about it?" Bucky begins to rub his thumb over her scars, as if he is trying to ease the pain.

Ana wants to evade him, wants nothing more than to shove all those horrible memories away, but she's tired. All the effects of her own energy being messed with is catching up to her again. So, instead, Ana shifts around until she's the right amount of distant away, then promptly lays back down. She rests her head on top of Bucky's left thigh, curling her legs up, and tucking her free hand under her chin.

Bucky tenses up beneath her, releasing her left wrist. She can feel him stop breathing, and she squeezes her eyes shut, hoping he doesn't shove her off. She doesn't really know why she did it, she just knows she wants Bucky to stay close to her, because the haunting memories of her brother attacking her stabs at her insides. She doesn't want to be alone, but she doesn't want to voice the memories just yet. Finally, Bucky exhales slowly.

"I don't know. I just want to feel safe right now." Ana ends up whispering. She hadn't realized it until now, but her body is trembling. "Is this okay?"

Bucky's fingers are suddenly stroking through her hair. "Yeah," He responds quietly. "This-this is fine."

Ana releases a sigh, closing her eyes and just revels in the solid comfort next to her. They sit in silence for a long while. Ana almost falls asleep again, but jerks awake the moment her dreams lead back to her kitchen in Brooklyn. She gnaws at her lip, playing with the seam of Bucky's jeans to distract her mind. She's watching the time on the DVD player; has been laying comfortable on his lap for the past twenty minutes.

"It was a memory more like, my dream." Ana finally confesses. "About my brother. Ten years ago, Alex had a mission to take down an organization. He was compromised and captured. They tortured him, did things to him. He was rescued after three months. It really got to him though, sometimes he didn't know where he was or what he was doing. Somehow, the person responsible found him. Or us, really, where we lived. He made Alex attack me."

"Your scars...are from your brother?" Bucky asks in disbelief. 

Ana nods. "Yes."

"Your brother was the one who nearly killed you."

"Yes. Some how I was able to call Pepper and she told Tony, who showed up just in time. Saved me, took Alex away for evaluations. That's how I started working here. Alex was a SHIELD agent and he didn't want anyone else to help him besides me. I was so new to SHIELD, to my abilities, he wanted me to help. But...he died three years later."

Bucky doesn't say anything for a while. It's not like he needs to though, he already knows her brother has passed. He continues to play with her hair though, and Ana is lulled back into a light slumber again.

"Is he the reason you want to help me so much?" Bucky's voice pulls her back to conciseness.

Ana slowly pushes herself up, using her hand on his thigh for leverage. She looks him in the eye, determined for him to understand, to finally believe her.

"Alex is why I'm here. You, Bucky. You are the reason I want to help you so much." She moves her hand from his leg to his chest, his heart pounding beneath her palm. "Just you."

*****************************************************************************


	27. Chapter 27

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Daybreak.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Light choking....not the fun kind.

A major tension headache is beginning to throb at the base of Ana's skull. Probably due to gritting her teeth as hard as she is right now. If she could choose having any ability, it would be to burn a hole through Simon Mill's head. She can feel how hard she is glaring at him, seething where is she currently standing. The past few days haven't been ideal. Dealing with nightmares and flashbacks, trying to regulate her own energy levels. It's been stressful, and now, Simon is standing front of Ana with a smug smile on his face, just adds to it all. She was called into the briefing room, having no idea why, but now. Now she is livid.

"This isn't how I wanted to do it!" Ana snaps, trying to calm her anger.

"It needs to go faster." Simon says calmly.

"You can't rush this! Otherwise you might have a ruthless assassin running around the place." She states, clenching her fists.

"We don't want to use threats, Agent Rios, but if you won't do it. Someone else will."

"You have no authority over this. This is my call, my program!" Ana reminds him. She doesn't understand why he thinks he can pull one over on her. She goes to take her phone from her pocket.

Simon is quicker, holds his own little device to his mouth, his finger on a button. "Agent Woods is down there now, with my guards. He can do it before you can run off to Captain America for help."

Ana bites her cheek to keep her comments back. She feels backed into a corner right now, and Simon as already pressed the button. As much as Ana has faith in Bucky, someone could trigger him before she can even inform Steve. Before she can even make it down to the lab.

"Fine!" Ana spits out. "Don't think I'm not reporting you after this." She spins on her boots and leaves.

***

 

If she would have known that they wanted to do Stage Four today she would have worn a different outfit. However, her laundry has been building up and she opted for a scoop neck tank top, and her favorite, but very old pair of ripped jeans. It was her causal day. As it were, Ana sits in her chair, moving it side to side, fingers tracing over her exposed collarbones, staring off into the distance.

"What's the matter, Annie?" Bucky's voice pulls her out of her thoughts.

"Hmm?" She hums as a reply.

"I've noticed you tend to rub your collarbones when you're nervous."

"I'm not nervous, just thinking." She sighs, pushing her hair back. "Simon is forcing me to perform the next stage in the Deprogramming. He backed me into a corner, said he could have Erik Woods do it instead. Since we both don't want that happening..."

Bucky's shoulder drop. "I knew he was hovering for a reason." He mutters darkly. "They want to do it now?"

Ana nods, not meeting his eyes. "We don't have to, Bucky. I'm here now and they can't do anything."

"I'll do it." Bucky says. He grabs her elbow though, making her meet his gaze. "Activate your bracelet, and you need to use the restraints this time, Ana. The real ones." 

His words make something taste bitter on her tongue.

***

 

Ana has come to really hate that little red journal with the black star. She stares at as she discreetly pulls one of the taser disks from her bracelet Tony gave her, tucking it into her belt. He'd come here himself and murder her if he found out she was performing this without it again. All precautionary, of course. She finally turns to face Bucky. His expression is grave, and she wonders if it's because this might be the actual word that triggers him. Ana recalls the footage she saw, and it's this fourth words that seem to spark the triggering. His breathing seems to be normal for now, but the slight quiver to his right hand gives his nerves away. 

Bucky meets her gaze and smiles, the expression softening his eyes, and something pangs in her chest. He nods, giving her a silent confirmation. Ana walks over to him, checking his bonds. They're using the real ones this time round. The metal ones that have been hidden within the chair.

"I know you give a signal to the guards in the room." Bucky whispers, flexing his fingers so they brush against her elbow.

"You're starting to know too much about me, Snowflake." Ana teases, flicking her hair off her shoulder and out of the way.

"Don't hesitate to call for help if-"

"I won't need it." She tells him firmly.

"And you have way too much trust in me." Bucky says self-deprecatingly. He flexes his metal hand. "Ah, there's the jaw twitch."

Ana tugs on his hair after relaxing her jaw. "We've been over this. You just got to trust me."

"I do...it's the lack of wanting to protect yourself that I don't trust."

She ignores that. "Ready?"

"One hundred percent, darling."

Ana smiles at that. She makes her way back to the table, grabs the journal and opens it. She stands firmly on her feet. Her eyes scan the room quickly, noting the four guards this time around. Their fingers already wrapped around weapons. Thankfully they won't act unless she gives them the signal, and Max is in charge of them. She brings her eyes to the journal once more.

" _Zhelaniye_." She begins.

As always, almost like a habit, Bucky's eyes shut, inhaling slowly through his nose. Ana watches him carefully. There's a tapping sound behind her. A reminder as she watches Bucky sink into his nerves, that if she doesn't stick to their timing of the words, someone else will step in. Despite that, she still pushes her time limit to the brink.

" _Rzhavyy_."

Bucky's hands clench and open, and there's a slight shake to his head. The tapping continues. Bucky opens his eyes, his gaze locking on her. He gives her the tiniest nod. Ana frowns, because the air suddenly shifts, the energy abruptly turning with nervous.

" _Semnadtsat_."

Bucky is gritting his teeth, his lips bared, flexing his hands, the metal one making indents in the chair. He drops his head forward, like he's willing himself to truly fight against it. His metal hand keeps clenching, tugging against the restraints, his chest heaving. She can hear him trying to regulate his breathing. 

Ana doesn't want to continue. She needs to talk him through this, needs to know what is happening inside his mind.  Ana looks up to the room behind her, and Simon is standing at the window, tapping his watch. She takes a breath for the next word.

"Wait. Stop." Bucky whispers the same time Ana speaks the fourth word.

_"Rassvet."_

Ana couldn't stop the word from leaving her lips and it gets a reaction she hasn't seen before. 

Bucky screams, the sound ripping from his throat, and throws his head back against the chair. His arms are shaking, beginning to pull at the restraints. His fist clenches several times, and he flexes his left arm. It's that move that makes Ana snap the journal close tossing it behind her, because by flexing his arm and pulling up, Bucky breaks his left arm free.

"Bucky!" Ana says loudly, but his name is ignored as he tears the bonds holding his right arm off like it was paper. A guard shifts behind him, readying his weapon. 

"Don't do anything!" She orders, because Bucky is just sitting there in the chair, panting. 

Ana realizes that he is waiting for the next trigger word, which won't be coming because she refuses to say them. However, the fact that he's not doing anything, hopefully says more about their sessions than these words ever will. She's distracted by this fact, and barely hears the door by the stairs open. 

Ana steps closer to him. She begins to reign in the energy around him, chaotic and negative. Slowly moving towards him and holding her hands out, Ana tries transferring her own onto him. The air stings at her fingertips, and Bucky's eyes look unfocused, his hands still clenched and breathing labored.

"Bucky." Ana says calmly, "don't think. Ignore it. Feel instead."

"I don't think that will work this time, Ana." Comes Simon's voice from behind her. Directly behind her.

He has no right to be in this room. Ana tries ignoring him. She hadn't called for any help and she wants to be angry, to be livid, but she can't. She has to focus on Bucky's tainted energy. Except, Ana had tossed the journal containing the rest of the trigger words behind her. She whirls around just as Simon is picking it up.

"Don't you fucking dare. Drop it!" She sneers at him.

He opens it, of fucking course.

"I said to dr-"

Ana's words cut off, because there's a cold, metal hand around her throat. Her hand immediately closes over his wrist.  Her body pressed hard against the front of the Winter Soldier's. Except, she can still breathe, a little restricted, but she can breathe. Which means...

 _Bucky_. A surge of relief shoots through her heart. He's silent, but she can feel his breath against her ear, his cheek pressing against her hair. Simon moves his hand to his side, and stupidly, Ana tries shaking her head. That makes Bucky's hand tighten a little more.

"Don't." Ana rasps out. "Leave."

Simon drops the book to the table. "Signal?"

Bucky presses harder against her, his right hand coming up to grip her bicep, vice grip on her arms. He doesn't like the present company. It's mutual.

"No." She whispers. The moment he leaves and is back in the room, she attempts to break through to the man before her. 

"Bucky."

He roughly jerks her head to the side, lips grazing over her ear as he speaks. " _Pomogi mne_." 

 _Help Me_. Ana's heart skips a beat at the words because this is  _Bucky._ Bucky who is begging for help.She will not let him down and she will not fail him. Ana trails her fingers from his wrist to his hand where it's pressing against her throat. She's able to wiggle her fingers between them, a sign that screams he is trying his best not to actually harm her. 

She's able to slowly twist around, simultaneously breaking his hold on her arm. Bucky doesn't actually let go of her neck, but he's distracted enough not to see her move her hand to her hip. Her fingers fumble a little, and Bucky notices this time.

He tightens his grip and Ana has to gasp for breath, because that squeeze is seriously toeing the line between needing oxygen. Bucky pulls her closer, noses barely brushing together, and all she can see is the half empty look in his eyes. It spends a chill down her spine, her heart beat racing. Her fingers close around the disk, but she holds off on activating it. She can hear some people shouting for her orders.

"Feel!" She gasps, not breaking eye contact with him. "Feel this. Me. Bucky."

He snarls, hand tighten just slightly, but his eyes are flickering. Ana is now currently struggling a little to inhale. Then Bucky tilts his head down, his nose brushing against her own. But it’s the softest graze of his lips against her open ones that actually halts her breaths. She waits for a long, long moment, as Bucky brushes their lips together, so light, it's barely a touch, but it’s there. 

His hand loosens. Bucky moves his right hand up her arm holding the disk, clasping his fingers over hers. He slowly maneuvers her hand between them, just barely enough room to make her press the taser against his chest. It takes several moments for it to click in her brain, for Bucky is now pressing his forehead against hers, giving her space enough to breath, and  _oh_.

She finally understands. He's asking her to use the taser disk. She refuses to do so, knowing how stupid this move could be. Bucky is somewhat coherent and he's fighting and if Ana doesn't fight for him, is she helping him at all? She slowly takes a step forward, forces him to take one back. She takes another and another, Bucky matching her steps backwards. His metal hand is loosening by the second, and his right is trailing down her forearm, up her bicep and presses against her chest. His palm grazing between her cleavage, undoubtedly feeling how her heart is pounding. She makes him walk backwards, slowly, carefully, until his knees hit the back of the chair. 

She pushes him down, still very close in proximity. Ana takes the disk away from his chest, holds her arm out and drops it to the floor with a tiny ping. Bucky finally releases her neck, dropping his hand to the side. She coughs three times and hold up her thumb as a quick signal to everyone watches.

Ana inhales deeply, desperate for a good lung full of air. She is panting a little, but Bucky hasn't taken his eyes off hers. She quickly places one hand over his on her chest and the other on his chest, over his own heart. She reconnects their foreheads.

"Feel this." She speaks softly, just a huff of air between them. 

"Real?" Bucky whispers, voice raspy.

"Yes. I'm real, Bucky. Come back to me."

As Bucky takes a shuddering breath, his fingers begin to twitch over her chest. Ana realizes he's trying to trace line along her skin, his touch dancing along her décolletage. Her newly regained breath catches in her throat. She wonders briefly if he can feel how hard her heart is pounding, and if that is what he's focusing on to come back. His left hand comes up to rest gently on her hip, a startling contrast to his grip on her neck. It takes several more minutes of them being this close, for Bucky to fully come back to her.

She only knows he does when his touch stops all together, dropping both elbows to his thighs and burying his face in his hands. Ana doesn't even step back to give each other space, she feels rooted to the spot. She can't leave him like this. Belatedly she realizes that Bucky is muttering into his hands.

It's a mantra of, "I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry."

Her heart clenches in her chest. Ana begins to reach her hand out, to move Bucky's hair from his face, but she stops when some places their hand on her shoulder. They pull her away just a few feet, insisting on checking her injures.

"I don't have any!" She snaps at them, her eyes following the guards movements. One of them is gripping Bucky’s shoulder harshly, and he just looks defeated. "He didn’t hurt me!" She says loud enough for everyone to hear. "Max, just bring him to his room please."

Max, who has been standing by the door with his gun at the ready, nods, and replaces the other guard. Ana wants to follow them out the door, but the health nurse is pulling her aside once more and the last thing she sees, is the broken expression on Bucky's face as he leaves.

Ana is going to kill Simon Mills.

***

 

Apparently, nothing is going well today. Ana had called Steve the instant she left the Deprogramming room. She had yelled, frantic and livid and threatened about twenty different things she would do to Simon. Steve had shown up in record time. He didn't look very happy either, and the both of them are about to head towards a conference room to meet with Nick Fury. That was until Max had called her, informing her that Simon's own personal guards came to collect Bucky and Max couldn't do anything to stop it. 

“What the fuck is this!?” Ana demands, walking into another briefing room, Steve hot on her heels. She notices agent Sharon Carter standing in the room, her expression sour like she doesn't agree with whats happening.

A video monitor set up, is showing a live image of Bucky, confined in a heavily secured holding cell. His entire body is strapped to the chair inside a small enclosing, metal vices locking down his arms. The shoulder and chest harness are pressed tightly to his torso, any plan of escape is useless. Except that is someone with super soldier serum laced in his blood and a powerful strong metal arm. If he truly wanted to get out, he could.

“After what happened earlier, we didn’t want to take any chances.” Simon informs smugly.

The lights in the room flicker, as does the picture on the screen. Ana tries tampering down her anger as Steve speaks up. 

“He didn’t harm anyone." He says, hardening his tone. "Why is he being punished when you compromised their session?”

“The necessary precautions need to be taken, Captain.” 

“You realize he could break out of that thing at any moment if he wanted to, right?” Ana states. She moves closer to the screen. Bucky’s expression neutral, almost bored. Like he’s accepted this and whatever punishment to come already.

“That’s why the chair is equipped with a shocking system.” Simon smirks.

Ana whips her head around, catching Steve’s eye. “What?”

“It sends little electromagnetic shocks to that destructive arm of his, disabling the use of it.”

“You’re sending shockwaves through his body!?”

“Every minute.” Simon wiggles a little black device in his hand.

Self-control of her anger is gone. Ana strolls up to Simon, almost grabbing him by the collar when Steve stops her. “Shut it off!” Ana demands, banging her hand on the table instead. A light pops above them, throwing half the room into darkness. “Now!”

“Do it.” Steve orders, a demanding tone in his voice.

Simon lifts the black device, then presses a button with his thumb. Ana quickly grabs the control, ripping it out of his grasp, then looks at the screen. Bucky winces a little. Even through the screen, Ana can see his jaw clench and eyes flicker. This isn't right. He doesn't deserve that.

Ana turns and leaves the room, trusting Steve to handle and shut down the situation. She needs to find Bucky and get him out of that chair. She wonders briefly if Bucky is having any anxiety attack or flashbacks to that damn Hydra chair, that he was always strapped to for more than half his life. Ana nearly breaks into a run, having no idea where to start looking for the cell, when someone grabs her arm. It’s Sharon, who has followed her. 

“Sub-level five. East wing.” Sharon informs quickly pulling her the opposite direction.

Ana nods and jerks her head for her to follow. “What the hell happened?”

“Simon moved in without permission, ordered the guards to bring Barnes to the lock down cell.”

“They seem to love going against orders. Is that not suspicious to anybody else?” Ana voices, agitated, bypassing the elevators and using the stairs. It’s quicker. 

“It is. I’ve already contacted Fury about it.”

“They put him in a chair that sends the same electro-shocks that Hydra's did. He could be having a panic attack, locking him in there!” 

They reach the level, and Ana nearly rips the old door off its hinges. A thought crosses her mind as she and Sharon enter the hallway. “I don’t have a key.”

Something clacks together in Sharon's hand. “Swiped it before you came blazing in.”

“You’re the best!”

They reach a door and Sharon nods, quickly swiping the key. “Cameras?”

“They can watch me for all I care!” Ana sneers, disdain coloring her voice.

Once the door is open, they enter another small hallway that leads to the holding block. There’s a keypad on the door. Ana taps her bracelet; a little silver antenna pops up. She sticks it under the pad, and after a second of whizzing, the door unlocks. 

“Go. I’ll keep an eye out,” Sharon tells her, “in case Simon shows up.”

Ana doesn’t even hesitate. The room is small, barely big enough to house the holding block. Bucky still looks calm, his breathing even, but it’s the twitching of his eyes and the clenching of his right hand that gives him away. He doesn’t notice her come in, but she goes straight to the keypad lock on the cell. She does the same thing with her bracelet, and the beeping noise of clearance finally pulls Bucky’s attention to her.

“Should I be shocked?” Is the first thing he says, but there’s a little smirk pulling up his mouth.

“If that’s a pun, I’m going to leave you in here.” Ana responds. She steps into the block, eye scanning over the locks. “Are you okay?” She moves her hands to the chest piece. 

“Nothing I’m not use to.” He says, voice flat, rough.

Ana taps her bracelet again. “Why did you let them?”

“I hurt you." Bucky mutters sadly. "Figured this would be the safest place from you. But of course, your stubborn ass is here, rescuing me.”

Ana rolls her eyes. The chest lock opens, and she moves onto the next one. “You didn’t hurt me, Bucky, and yes. I’m  _rescuing_  you, as you put it. I know this chair has been sending shock-waves through your arm, and I’ll be damned if you’re in this for another second.”

“They stopped.”

“Because I have the control.” She gets the first two pieces off his left arm. “Can you move it?”

He flexes his fingers and hand. “Yeah. Clever bracelet.”

“Comes in handy.” 

There are heavy footsteps coming from outside the room. Ana quickly unlocks the next bonds. On the last one, Bucky grabs it with his left hand and rips his open. Ana ignores the little flutter in her stomach at that and pulls Bucky from the chair. 

“Rios!" Sharon calls from the hallway.

Ana makes to go first, ready to face some guards, when Bucky pulls her behind him. He levels her with a look, like he’s reprimanding her for even thinking about going first when there could be blazing guns. She narrows her eyes, but in lieu of responding, she pulls out the hidden gun she keeps strapped between her breasts and hands it to Bucky. 

Then Ana stomps her left boot on the floor twice, and out pops a black clip. She presses a button, and a sharp blade flicks up. She stomps her foot again and the heel goes back to normal. Bucky gives her the most quizzically shocked looked, and Ana smirks, flicking her hand twice to tell him to get going.

Bucky blinks, then cautiously peers around the corner before he steps out into the hallway, gun at the ready. Ana follows closely behind, pulling another smaller gun from her right boot. It's quiet in the hallway, and once Ana gets a clear view, she sees why. Bucky lowers the gun, as does Ana, for Steve is waiting there patiently. He's casually leaning again a desk, arms crossed with a little smile on his face. Sharon is standing next to him, but glancing around just to be sure no one comes for them.

"All clear." Steve tells them. "Fury's got Simon in his hands."

"Is everyone in my Department fucking pricks?" Ana says, annoyed.

"Are we not going to talk about you pulling a fucking gun from your boobs?" Bucky questions bewildered.

Ana smirks. "I told you. I don't visibly arm myself."

Bucky widens his eyes, blinking twice. "You've been hiding a knife in the heel of your boot this entire time?"

"Boots, and yes." Then Ana sighs, locking her gun and placing it back in her boot. She twirls her knife around her fingers twice.

"I don't understand." She says to Sharon. "Why would he threaten to have someone else take over? Why is he so keen on making the process move faster? You guys said there isn't a time limit on this, and going fast-"

"Triggers me." Bucky finishes for her, regret heavy in his voice. 

When Ana looks over at him his eyes are locked on her neck. "Bucky. Don't you dare blame your-"

"How's your neck there?"

"It's fine." Ana tells him firmly. She isn't lying, her neck isn't even sore.

"Say that again after you see the finger marks on your skin." Bucky says sadly.

Ana puts her hand up to her neck and feels two defined welts. She drops her hand and closes the distance between them until she can feel the heat radiating from his body. His energy is still tainted, this time with anxiety, remorse, and self hatred. As she stares into his eyes, a darker blue for the moment, she's suddenly reminded of their lips brushing together. The touch was so light, so delicate it had Ana's head spinning. Because if Bucky was truly triggered, if his brain had truly fallen into that void, then why was his touch like that? How come he didn't choke the air out of her lungs, or even snap her neck.

"You came back to me, Bucky." Ana tells him softly. "That's all that matters."

Bucky takes two steps back. He doesn't response. Steve takes that moment to intervene by placing his hand on Bucky's shoulder.

"We shouldn't linger here." He states. He addresses Bucky, "What happened wasn't your fault, Buck. You aren't being held responsible nor will you be punished."

"Unless he willingly decides to put himself back into that goddamn holding chair." Ana mutters. Steve levels her with a look, and Ana suddenly feels like a child being scolded. 

"Steve is right. We should go." Sharon pipes in. "Ana, I'm going to you need to come with me, so we can figure out a plan here. Simon won't get away with it." Sharon assures her. "What he did was a direct violation of his status and orders."

Ana nods, then folds her knife, taps her heel twice again and replaces it. A small clicking sound draws her attention up. Bucky is holding her gun out to her in his hand with the safety on. Honestly, she's surprised he didn't just dismantle her Springfield Compact. The second she takes it from his hand, is the second Bucky nearly fleas the room, Steve following behind him and shooting Ana a sad look.

 

***********************************************************************************


	28. Chapter 28

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was a long one apparently.
> 
> Warnings: language, mild violence. mentions of suicide. mentions of death.
> 
> A/N: this was roughly editing so the spacing might be off.

Ana needs a drink. Preferably the strongest one she can get. It's not like this day could get any worse than it has been, and Ana needs a fucking drink. Then she needs to take a long bath, grab her book and curl up around Ezra for a good read. It won't happen though, because as much as she wants those things, she can wait to have. What she really wants though, is to find Bucky and check on him.

If he even allows her to get close. Ana has had worse scratches from Ezra than whatever Bucky thinks he did to her. She did end up popping into one of the bathrooms to look at the mirror. She hates to admit it, but Bucky was correct with the finger marks around her throat. There's three distinct marks, just slightly red, and welted. She doesn't think they'll bruise, thank the Lord, but Bucky isn't going to forgive himself. She needs to find him. She needs to talk to him.

Her day decided to give her just one more curve ball. Ana is sitting in a conference room, after Fury had come in and basically nailed everyone in the department's asses to the floor. There should no longer be any question of who is in charge of the Deprogramming and anything anyone wants to complain about can take it up with someone who gives a flying fuck. Nick Fury's words, not hers. Ana loves him. She doesn't love what she hears next after Fury left.

“Did he kiss you?" Jared questions hotly. The chattering in the room falls quiet. It takes a moment to realize he spoke.

Ana quickly responds to Pepper and Tony's group message. She looks up at him. "What?" she questions, dumbfounded.

"The Winter Soldier." He clarifies, snarling his lip up. As if she needs reminding. It only happened three hours ago.

"Again. What?" She puts her phone away in her pocket.

"He did, didn't he."

"You have no idea what you're talking about, so I'd advise you keep your damn mouth shut." Ana warns lowly.

"Did I strike a nerve?" Jared smirks at her. "Your poor little, mindless Soldier. Confused and lost, and the only reason he didn't suffocate you is because of your pretty face."

Ana can feel her jaw twitch as she grinds her teeth. "Do not undermine my skills." She tells him dangerously, balling her fists.

"Must be nice." He continues.

"Shut the fuck up." 

"Is that how we're preforming healing sessions now, by fucking the victims? Must be great motivation." 

Ana stands so quickly, the chair falls over. She marches over and punches Jared square in the face, landing her fist on the corner of his mouth. He stumbles back, covering his mouth and glaring at her. He looks like he wants to throw one back at her, and decides to go for it. Ana catches his fist, quickly twists his arm until his elbow pops, and knees him in the gut. 

When he goes to crunch forward, she slams the heel of her palm up underneath his chin. His teeth snap together, and he groans as Ana finally shoves him backward, hard enough that he hits the floor. She steps up to him, placing the sole of her boot between his legs and firmly against his balls. She stares down at him.

"Let this be motivation for the next time you decided to run your stupid mouth." She hisses. It takes all she has in her not to spit in his face. "I think you forget who is actually in charge here, and it'd be wise for you to remember that. Keep running your mouth, Sharp, and I will not hesitate to rip your fucking balls off."

Ana looks up at the rest of the faces in the room. Some expressions are shocked, some grave, and some fighting back a smile. No one steps up to help on the pathetic man on the floor. "If anyone else shares the same asinine options, feel free to inform me, you'll get the same treatment."

No one says anything.

"That's what I thought. Now if you'll excuse me." She steps off Jared, leaving him moaning in pain on the floor. 

***

 

The air and the wind on the roof isn't doing anything to help cool Ana down. She decided to stay outside, since her energy levels are bad, and darkened with anger. It makes lights pop in hallways, the keypads on the door open, and even made the blender come to life as she passed through the kitchen. Ana is pacing back and forth and she doesn't even have anything to throw. She pauses, closes her eyes and inhales, attempts to refocus and calm herself. She tries counting, but a surge of more anger is rising up and she releases a frustrated noise, gripping her hair. She has half the mind to flip one of the chairs.

To make it worse, her phone she suddenly shut off. Right in the middle of a rather frantic group message. Ana hasn't even bothered to try and turn it back on, knowing it'll just shut off again. If she can't hone in her emotions right now, the entire Up State might lose power. Which is strange and new, because for the past ten years, Ana only thought her abilities was for healing. Not being able to actually effect power and electricity. Ana barely registers the noise of a metal door opening.

"See," Comes a familiar drawl from behind her. "Here I am, trying to avoid you and slip slowly into my self-loathing, but you're up here causing chaos downstairs."

Dropping her hands from her hair, Ana moves to sit on one of the chairs. "What do you mean?" She sighs.

Bucky sits next to her on the same chair, but stays a good distance apart. "The lights are out. Sam is upset because the TV cut out in the middle of a baseball game."

"Sorry." Ana mutters, then lays back across the chair. "Please don't avoid me, Bucky. I've had worse than little welts on my neck." She waves her scarred wrist in the air, as if he forgot.

"I barely remember doing it." He confesses. "It's like I was seeing you, but I couldn't stop myself."

"But you did, Bucky. You could have done anything, snapping my neck would've been the easiest."

"Please don't say that."

"You fought against it. That's what happened. I think you grabbed me because...because...you knew I could help. You begged me to help you." Ana leans up on her elbow. "Do you remember saying that?"

Bucky looks pensive, but his eyes are a bright blue and his energy feels less, hysteric. "I do." He answers slowly.

"You wanted me to help. You"- Ana scoffs, "wanted me to use that taser disk. You put it to your own fucking chest."

"That I don't remember." Bucky frowns.

"None of this was your doing, alright? In fact, let me blame myself. I should've fought harder, I should have realized something was going to happen and that-"

"Stop." Bucky cuts her off. "If you want to blame someone, blame-"

"Simon. Simon Mills. That's who I'll blame because yes. It's his fault that he tried fucking it all up."

"You're getting so angry about it." Bucky states, concerned. 

Ana sits up. "Yes. Because I'm tired of them trying to take over, as if I can't do this. I've been dealing with fuck face Jared and his comments. I've been fighting Simon off my back for weeks and he still goes and does this shit. Speeding up the process because- ugh! He probably just wanted to see you triggered and have your Winter Soldier fluffiness running around."

 Bucky has the good grace to at least roll his eyes at her.

She continues. “Yes. I get angry about it and I should probably hide the fact that I do, but I don’t. I don’t because why should I? I get angry because I...I care about you, a lot. It’s not right for them to compromise your progress and all the hard work you’ve done so far, Bucky. So yes. Let me angry at them, let me defend you because you never defend yourself and that’s not fair either. "

"I feel protective over you. You deserve to have a sense of safety and security, to heal. To have happiness and love and friendship, and the moment that is threatened, you can bet your ass that I will be there fighting every second of it." 

Ana pauses and pushes her hair away from her face. She makes sure for this next part that Bucky is looking straight at her.

"You need to start fighting for yourself too. You really need to start seeing yourself how I see you. Don’t try and tell me you don’t deserve it because you do, and you really need to start seeing that you deserve good things. That you are worth fighting for and I’ll be damned if I let anyone, especially you, get in the way of that. I get so angry because I care about you, Bucky. You’re just going to have to live with that."

"You're something else." Bucky mutters, he sounds almost breathless.

The loud ringing of Ana's phone startles them a little. At least it's working again. Ana sees Pepper's picture pop up, and she goes to answer it.

"I have to take this, otherwise Tony will send a suit just for me to fly there and feel the wrath of Pepper."

Nodding, Bucky says. "I know she's your family, but I won't lie and say I wouldn’t be terrified to meet her."

"You've had a conversation with Tony before."

"Like Pepper isn't the one calling the shots behind him? I hear that runs in the family too." He smirks at her.

Ana glares as she answers the call. "Let me call you back, Pep." She waits for an answer then hangs up. "Bucky. Please do not blame yourself for today." Ana tugs his hair gently. "If you want to mull over something, make it the fact that you held back. You asked me for help and you fought it every second of the way. Be proud of yourself."

"I think, maybe I fought so hard because I was trying to protect you." Bucky reaches out to take her free hand. "I care about you too, Ana. More so than anything and I couldn't bear to know I hurt you. That's why I let them put me in that holding block."

Ana squeezes his hand. "We're fine Bucky, you and I. I'm fine. You didn't hurt me. Try getting some rest tonight, yeah?" With one last squeeze, Ana pulls her hand away, and heads back through the stairs to her room.

***

 

Bucky hasn't had the worst two days, but he definitely hasn't made it easy on himself. He still has guilt for nearly choking Ana out, even though she insists he didn't even come close. No matter how much he tries to avoid her, just so he won't see fear in her beautiful brown and gold eyes, Ana just won't leave his side. 

She'll press her thigh against his if they're sitting next to each other. Or she'll briefly touch the knuckles of his metal hand, the same one that was wrapped tightly around her delicate neck just days ago. The welts have disappear, but if Bucky looks close enough, there's a slight yellow discoloration on her neck. 

However, Ana keeps giving him small little smiles and it calms the anxiety in his chest. It still doesn't stop his mind from reeling at night, and he stares up at the ceiling more often than not. When he finally gives up on sleep, Bucky goes to the kitchen, only to find Ana already there with the jar of Nutella and two spoons. They stay up talking for most of the night, with the TV playing in the background.

When Ana ends up falling asleep, leaning against Bucky's arm and having absolutely no worries about being so close to someone who could have killed her. He could have crushed her windpipe, he could have snapped her neck, but all Ana did was fight for him. Broke him out of the holding block, then made sure he wouldn't blame himself. So, if Ana can find it in herself to forgive him, to continue to work with him, then why shouldn't Bucky forgive himself too.

It's only the second time he does it, but Bucky gently picks Ana up in his arms, careful not to wake her. Her head rests against his chest as he carries her to her room. Ezra ends up following him, keeping a distance from his legs, and hops up on her bed waiting to be cuddled. Bucky carefully places Ana on her bed, making sure she is in a comfortable position, pulling the duvet cover up and over her shoulder. He does what he couldn't resist last time, and runs his fingers through her soft hair. He doesn't know how someone so beautiful, inside and out, can see him like she does. Ezra curls up into Ana's side. Bucky scratches behind the cat's ears, then leaves the room, trusting Ezra to look over Ana.

***

 

He is still feeling a little guilty when it happens. This Jared Sharp thing just isn't going away, and Bucky is about a minute away from making good on his threat. They run into each other when Bucky was sent to get more coffee again. The cafe is empty when he enters, but when he turns to leave, Jared is standing there. His green eyes narrow at Bucky, but there's a smirk playing on his mouth.

Bucky has to grit his teeth, and hold back the urge to just break his nose in. He tries ignoring him, tries to just make his way back to Ana, to the lab, and put someone who is insignificant behind him. It doesn't happen, for Jared decides to open is mouth again.

"Amazing how a kiss can clear your brainwashed mind." Is the comment Jared makes.

Bucky has no idea what he's talking about, still a little fuzzy on the details of that day. He doesn't want to hear it though. "Maybe if I punch your teeth out, it'd be harder for you to talk shit."

"You can threaten me all you want, Soldier, but it doesn't change that I'm right about her." He says, a bite to his tone.

Bucky halts, turning to face him. "You think I'm going to believe anything coming out of your mouth?"

"Has she ever told you what really happened?" Jared taunts. "How Alex died I mean. The real truth, no? Maybe it's because you're a part of it. Did she tell you he was taken by Hydra?"

Bucky's chest clenches. No. Ana hadn't informed him of that.

"I'm sure  _you_  remember." He continues lowly. "Or maybe you don't, and that's why she hasn't told you. Must not be what you two talk about when you're all alone."

There's a sickening feeling twisting in Bucky's stomach. He's trying so hard not to believe his words but...it's beginning to make sense. His skin starts prickling and it feels like ice runs down his spine, colder than the chamber he was kept in. His heart is racing, pounding against his chest, clenching the air in his lungs.

"Think about it, Sergeant. Why has Rios been so private about this? Why hasn't she told you if she has told you everything else about her life? Maybe it's because the Winter Soldier is responsible for taking the last member of her family away. That is something you're used to.  _Isn't it._ "

With that, Jared grabs something from the refrigerator, then leaves Bucky standing there. Frozen. His mind reeling and his heart racing, and he's desperately trying to recall memories from seven years ago. He couldn't even remember what happened with Stark's parents until he saw the video; how is he supposed to know if Jared's word are true. He needs to find out.

***

 

Bucky makes it back with the coffee, dropping the container on the cart with a loud smack. He spots Ana, and Bucky feels himself frowning, can feel his mouth turning down and he can't hold back it. He has to know. He walks over to her desk, leaning against the edge of it.

"We don't lie to each other, right." Bucky starts, Ana's head snapping up from her journal. "You keep saying that, but there's something I think you have been lying about and I think it's to spare my feelings."

"What are you talking about?" Ana frowns, confusion written all over her face.

"You said your brother died." He answers her, keeping his voice low. "How did he die?"

Ana pauses for a moment, then closes the journal. "Why...why are you bringing this up?

"I just need to know. You said he was an agent-"

"Bucky-"

Bucky shakes his head. "You said he was an agent sent on a mission to take down an organization. He was sent to take down Hydra, wasn't he? It was Hydra that tortured him. It was Hydra he was rescued from and it was Hydra that triggered him because they tried doing the same thing to him that they did to me. It was all Hydra wasn't it?"

For some reason, all his emotions are churning inside him. It can't be true, but the way Ana is looking at him, says it is. Her chest is rising and falling a little rapidly, and the muscle at her jaw is jumping. Her eyes are wide and flicker with either memories or emotions. As if Ana had been hiding this for a reason, and Jared's word play within his mind.

"Why are you asking me this?" She whispers.

"Because I need to know if I was the one who killed him!" Bucky snaps. He can feel his chin trembling, he clenches his fists to hold back his emotions. "I need to know if I ruined your life."

Ana stills. They stare at each other, breathing a little harder than before. Ana's eyes are glossy, like she's trying to hold back tears. A tear actually escapes from Bucky's own. He feels his chin trembling, so he grits his teeth together to stop it. Finally, Ana speaks up.

"Why do you think you were the one to kill him? Where did you even get that idea?"

"Please, Ana, just answer me. I need to know." He begs quietly. If he was the one who did it...Bucky doesn't think he can be here anymore.

She shuts her eyes for a moment. "Yes. It was Hydra." When she opens them again, they're staring fiercely into his own. "No. _You_ did  _not_  kill him."

The floodgate in his chest breaks open with relief. He's ruined so many people's lives, so many families. He has so much pain, regret, guilt and sorrow for every single one, despite knowing he had no choice in the matter, but this. He's just so incredibly relieved he didn't ruin Ana's. That even though her life has been touched by Hydra's evil hands, Bucky didn't take the most important person in her life away.

"What happened?" He whispers, taking a step forward, but Ana pushes her chair back and stands.

"He was set on a mission to infiltrate one of their bases." She explains. "He was compromised. He was captured and tortured for two months. They attempted to brainwash him. He was rescued by another team of agents and in the end, they took down that base." 

Ana slowly sinks back down into her chair, running a hand through her hair. Her fingers trail down her neck to chest her, clutching her necklace. "He was never the same after that. Nightmares every night, screaming awake, running away. He was confused a lot of the times. I tried so hard to help him. To ease his mind but he stopped wanting me to help him, said it wasn't working. Said he was too afraid of attacking me again, too afraid that he might kill me. We moved from that apartment after the first time. Hydra just found him again."

She takes a breath, then blows it out. "Apparently, Alex knew way too much even though he hadn't said a word to anyone. They found him. Broke into our home and threatened to kill me if he didn't go back with them." 

Ana huffs a one syllable, humorless laugh. "I wasn't even there that night. It was an empty threat.” Her voice drops to a barely there murmur. “It didn't stop him from killing himself though.”

Bucky's heart breaks in his chest, falls into piece at his feet.

"I walked in the next morning...and found him." Ana's voice cracks, her lips trembling. "The Hydra symbol left on his chest."

Ana blinks, tears falling from her eyes. "So, no, Bucky. You did not kill my brother. The people who tortured him did. Indirectly. They drove him to, because he would rather do that, than have them hurt me."

The silence after that is loud. He wants to pull Ana close and comfort her, but her arms are crossed, and she's closed off. She's no longer looking at him, instead her gaze fixed to the floor. He feels devastated for her.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Bucky eventually asks, breaking the quiet.

Ana doesn't hesitate to answer. "I knew you would probably blame yourself for something you actually didn't do, but still would have twisted it around somehow. So please understand that you had absolutely nothing to do with it. Plus, I didn't want to talk about it. What happened with my brother is why I started here. I wanted to help people so bad, to help them through any PTSD. I saw the pain every day in my brother’s eyes, and I want to help people who go through anything like that. If I can put an ease to their thoughts, to their feelings, even just an ounce, then I'm going to do that."

"You're doing a damn good job of it." Bucky tells her. His comment makes her lips twitch. "I'm sorry I made you talk about it. Truly."

"Don't apologize. You were going to find out some-" Ana pauses and sits up straighter. Her expression switches so fast, it has his head spinning. "Bucky, did someone make you think you were responsible?"

His split hesitation is enough of an answer.

"Who was it?" Ana demands, a dangerous tone to her voice. 

"You really have to ask." He answers.

Ana is out of her seat in a flash, speed walking her way out of the room. He follows behind her quickly, because whatever she's about to do, can't be good. She got a good head start though, Bucky's legs taking a few seconds to work. When he catches up with her in the hallway, she’s practically running. He jogs until he's next to her, slowing down to match her speed.

"What the hell are you going to do?"

"Kick his ass." She responds, sharply turning the corner. They're heading towards the gym. "That fuck face put it in your head that you did it. Because he knew what it would do to you. The real question is why the hell he would?"

"I'm guessing because he hates every fiber of your being." Buck inputs. They turn down another hallway. "Which I don't understand at all. You're beautiful and witty and-"

"If you're trying to be cute to prevent me from killing him, it's not working."

Bucky grabs her arm, making her stop and swinging her around. "He's baiting you, Ana. I don't know why he did it, but this is probably what he wants."

"Then he'll get it!" She snaps. There's a fire in her eyes. "Because for some unknown reason, he seems to be against this whole process. He wants to undo everything you've worked so hard for and to put that fear and guilt back into you isn't right."

"You're not doing this because he hates you? You want to kick his ass because of how it made me feel, what he made me think?"

"Yes!"

Bucky releases her arm. She beams, then starts walking again. They reach the gym doors and Ana pushes right through. There's a small crowd of people; working out, chatting and running. Jared is boxing. Ana strolls right up to the bag, catching it in the back swing and thrusts it forward with surprising force. It nails him in the gut. He bends over, the wind knocked right out of him.

"What the hell is your problem!?" Ana yells, catching the bag again. She shoves it at him once more before he can fully stand back up. He falls to the ground and Ana steps to the side. 

"What the fuck!?" He shouts, rolling over. There's an angry snarl on his lips.

"Why the fuck are you trying to sabotage everything's he's worked on!?"

Jared crouches and launches himself at Ana's leg. She easily jumps over him, twisting to face him after she lands. With the boxing gloves on, Jared swings his right fist towards Ana's face. Bucky lunges to move, to step in and protect her, expect what Ana does next make him stop.

She leans, grabbing his fist, yanks his arms to the side. She bends her body down, placing her free hand on the mat, then swings her legs up and around Jared's neck. She traps his head between her thighs, hooking her calves over his shoulders and with her momentum, brings Jared crashing down onto the mat.

Bucky blinks in surprise as the other people in the room react loudly. Bucky is shocked, but it's a move he has seen before. It's a move he has even done before; when he trained Natasha Romanoff. It's one of the clearest memories he has. There's a sense of pride swelling in his chest, and Bucky takes a step back, crossing his arms in amusement. He knew Ana was putting up a facade. 

Jared's arm is pinned to the floor and he can't seem to get out of the hold. Until he tries hitting her with his free hand. It distracts her enough that he can lift his legs up and over his head, flipping over. Ana breaks her hold, getting up quickly and preparing for his next attack. Jared takes his gloves off, throwing them to the side.

"Fine." He spits. "This was a long time coming anyway."

Ana scoffs. "I'd kick your pathetic little ass, Sharp. I don't want to fight you, I want answers!"

Jared just comes at her again. He throws another punch, and Ana moves out of the way, expect Jared drops and swipe kicks her feet. Ana jumps but not in time, and she ends up stumbling. Bucky notices her wince as she regains her feet, bending over to catch herself on the mat. Jared takes his chance, advancing on her back, wrapping his arms around Ana and pulling her up.

"You're just too busy playing with your Soldier for answers." He sneers in her ear.

Bucky is worried for a split second, then Ana snarls. She uses his hold as leverage, kicks her legs up, then jerks them back down. She bends forward, using her momentum to bring Jared over her back and slams him down on the mat. It looks like the air is knocked out of him as She places her heeled boot on his chest.

She glares down at him. "I mean it. I will break your nose if this happens again."

When Ana goes to turn away, Jared moves. He kicks the back of Ana's right knee. She cries out in surprise, and Bucky is moving before she can hit the floor. He catches her, Ana gripping his forearm tightly, her nails digging into his flesh. With his help, Ana stands and faces Jared. She's holding her right leg up, her toes barely touching the mat. Bucky wraps his arm around her waist to support her weight. 

"I don't get you." Ana says, a sad sort of tone to her voice. "I have never done anything to you, and you have this unadulterated hate for me."

"You've done plenty." Jared spits back, standing up and wiping his mouth. "Maybe if you devoted more time into your brother like you have with Barnes he wouldn't be dead."

" _Fuck you_." Ana spits. "You have no idea what you're talking about. You didn't even know my brother."

Jared huffs. "I knew him."

"No you d-" Ana stops talking.

When Bucky looks at her, her eyes have widened and her mouth drops. Her skin looks a little pale, and he can't tell if it’s from pain in her knee or something else. She looks shocked.

"Oh, my God." Ana breathes, her grip tightens on Bucky's arm. "You're the boyfriend."

What. "What?" Bucky asks, utterly confused.

"Alex." Ana explains, her voice still breathless. "Had a boyfriend. I didn't know him, I never met him. You're his boyfriend."

"Was." Jared says. "Not anymore because-"

"You blame me for his death." Ana states. "You're a fucking idiot."

Jared just glares at her.

"This whole time, Jared. We could have grieved together but this whole time you decided to hate me instead."

"Annie," Bucky tires, shifting her weight. "Let’s just go."

She finally looks up at Bucky like she remembers he is there. She nods, then looks back at Jared. "We aren't done here. We are going to talking about this. For the meantime. Stay the fuck away from him!"

No one needs to ask Ana to clarify who she is talking about. Bucky practically picks her up and walks her out of the gym.

 

**************************************************************************************************

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promise next chapter will be worth it


	29. Chapter 29

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Language, Anxiety/Panic attacks, mentions of anxiety/panic attacks, mild PTSD, an over use of coffee consumption. Slow burn. Eventual smut. Explicit. NSFW. Past violence. Mild violence. Past mention of suicide. Trigger words. Nightmares/terrors. Flashbacks.

Ana doesn't see Bucky the next morning. In fact, they don’t see each other all day, due to other issues and sessions and meetings she must go to. It's an off day; lots of negative energy floating around the place. Especially after she had found Jared again, forcing him into a room and talking about his relationship with her brother.

It takes a few hours for them to talk, to say anything they wanted to say to each other. Jared clearly blames Ana for Alex's death, and she tells him that isn't an insult. Since for the past seven years, Ana blamed herself too. She does end up threatening him again though. Tells him to stay away from Bucky and he can't do any more damage than what he's already done. She makes it clear to him, and everyone else, that there is nothing between her and Bucky and whatever rumor they share amongst each other are false. 

***

 

Ana is exhausted by early evening and escapes to the quietness of the roof. She decides to do stretches because at least it helps make her body feel more energized. She falls asleep while stretching her hip, right leg over her left thigh, and her neck bent at an awkward angle. 

Something gently nudges her head into a better position, the touch lingering on her forehead. The movement pulls her from her nap, opening her eyes. Deep blue eyes are staring back at her, with something that looks like fondness softening the corners. Ana smiles, bringing her left hand up to her right trapezius, pressing down on the knot already forming. 

"Thanks for that." She says, but she doesn't move from her spot.

"Of course." Bucky responses, moving to lay down beside her. "Bad energy today?"

"Unfortunately. I'm sorry we didn't get time to work today."

She feels his knuckles brush against hers. "It's fine. Max allowed me to walk around by myself today."

Ana makes a noise of disagreement. "Like they should've done the first day you came here?"

"It's alright. I requested it, remember."

"You need to have more faith in yourself, Buck."

Bucky doesn't say anything for a while. Ana pulls her gaze from the cloudy evening sky to look over at him. He's staring up at the sky, but she can see that his eyebrows are furrowed, a small pout to his full lips, looking like he's trying to sort through memories. After several minutes, he turns to meet her eyes.

"You and Steve are the only ones to call me that." He tells her. "I like that you do, as well."

"Thanks. Still doesn't make me like the name Annie."

Bucky chuckles.

Ana recalls Steve passing by her in the hallway earlier and pulled her to the side. He sincerely expressed his gratitude for helping Bucky, and for just being protective over him, especially after the holding block event. He had also told her how highly Bucky speaks of her and then teased her a little about the blush that colored her cheeks. She walked away after that with him laughing behind her.

"How's your knee doing?" Bucky questions, gently nudging her leg with his own knee.

"Okay, just a bit sore. Nothing a good ice pack can't fix. How was the rest of your day?" Ana inquires, because Steve had taken outside of the property afterward.

She just wants to listen to the rumble of his voice, much more soothing than some of the other agitated voices she heard all day. Bucky smiles at her and begins to tell her, reveling in the more positive energy he's putting out. It's calm, relaxed, and that's a testament to how he feels around her. All according to Steve, who seems way to invested in their dynamic, in their friendship, then just plan curiosity. Sometimes she wishes she could just knock his shield into his head.

She continues to listen, still fighting off the traces of sleep. An idea suddenly pops up in her head and it could be either good or bad. They haven't attempted to try Stage Four again, and Ana decides that now would be a good time. Or, this might be very possibly idiotic on her part. Probably the latter...as it always tends to be. He hopes he won't be angry at her. Bucky is talking softly, open and honest and she just goes for it.

“ _Zhelaniye_.” Ana mumbles. It’s loud enough for him to stop mid-sentence. 

His eyes flicker. “What...what are you doing?”

“ _Rzhavyy._ ” She whispers.

Bucky turns his head side to side, squeezing his eyes shut for a moment. When he opens them, the blue of his irises has darkened. “Ana...” he warns through his teeth.

“ _Semnadtsat_.” 

He inhales sharply, quickly sitting up and looking around. They’re alone on the roof, with any protection several floors below them. She’s not sure if this realization is what triggers his next move, but suddenly, Bucky is on top of her. Her wrists pinned to either side of her head. He's straddling her thighs in a way that she wouldn’t be able to break free of.

"Stop!” He snaps, face bent over hers, just mere inches away. However, despite the darkness in his eyes, they look clear.

Ignoring the surge of her heartbeat, and curling in her stomach, Ana asks. “Are you telling me to stop because you want me to, or do you feel like you're actually losing control?”

He doesn’t answer, just squeezes her wrists tighter. His face contorts with confusion, his eyebrows twitching. Long strands of his hair are falling around her face and brushing Ana cheekbones. She braces herself for the next trigger word.

“ _Rassvet._ ” 

Bucky grits his teeth, ducking his head down beside her face. The metal fingers are digging into her skin and it’s beginning to ache. His chest is heaving, his breaths are calculated, and she listens for a moment for any sign of the Winter Soldier. Nothing. There's nothing.

“Bucky-“

“Don’t.” He’s still warning her. Still trying to protect her. “I can’t let what happened last time-“

“You are coherent!” Ana tells him, titling her head until her lips are right next to his ear. “You are fighting it, Bucky. Ignore the chaos in your head, because those thoughts, those imagines are no longer you. Whatever is in your heart, feel that instead. That’s you fighting it. That is real! Feel what is real!”

He releases a mix of a groan and a growl as a response.

“ _Pech'_.” 

Bucky picks his head back up, eyes reflecting the internal conflict raging within him. He squeezes her wrist at tighter, his vice grip feeling impossible to break. Ana fights off a wince.

“Your heart, Bucky.” She reminds him firmly. 

His eyes fall shut again. His full, red lips trembling, his grip shaking. Ana wonders if still breaking up the words is what’s honestly making him resist. If it’s preventing his Winter Soldier from appearing immediately. Or if it’s something entirely different. She’s seen footage of what he has done with the words said, and he has yet to do anything like that towards her. Minus that last incident, but Ana doesn't count that because her tactics  _worked_. 

Bucky’s shuddering exhales are hitting against her face and he’s struggling to keep that control. 

“Are you scared because the Winter Soldier is breaking through?" She whispers. "Or because you are actually fighting it and you know-"

Ana is cut off. 

Words dying on her lips because Bucky’s own are firmly pressed against hers. Ana inhales sharply; shocked. Every part of her body seems to short circuit, her mind numbly blank for the moment, eyes staring at his eyelids. Then, Bucky moves his lips against hers, prying them open. Ana's eyes fall shut, and heat surges around them. It’s as if an electrical storm came out of nowhere, whirling and sizzling through the air. 

She inhales his exhale, lips moving together. When she feels the first swipe of his tongue against her hers, something snaps awake inside her. Like all the tension that’s been surrounding them for months finally breaks, like a rubber-band stretched too far. A slow heat drips down her spine, in contrast to how frantically Bucky is kissing her. All loud gaps and clicking teeth, bruising lips, and warm wet tongues. 

Slowly, the vice-like grip on her wrists loosens. Metal fingers trail down her inner forearm, her bicep, trailing over her collarbone, taps his thumb twice, and settles his hand against her neck. It’s in no way threatening, or dangerous, not with the sign he just gave Ana. Bucky’s mentioned it before; how she always tabs her thumb against her clavicle while nervous or thinking. His touch left a trail of goosebumps on her skin making Ana shiver, and she arches her body into his. 

Which in retrospect, might have been a bad idea, because Bucky has been straddling her this entire time. So, pressing closer to him, pressed her pelvis against his and  _oh_. She involuntarily whimpers against his mouth, her free hand coming up to grip the back of his shirt at his waist. Bucky shifts, just enough to switch his right leg into the space between her own. He finally lets go of her left wrist, trailing his hand down the side of her over-heated body, until he grips the back of her knee. He hitches her knee up to his hip, and grinds forward, groaning into her mouth. 

 _Fuck._  It feels way too good and it’s been way too long since Ana has even been in a position like this. Her entire body feels like it’s on fire with every grind of his clothed cock against her, flames curling in the pit of her stomach. Spreads to her groin, and she’s so incredibly turned on, can feel it between her legs, soaking into her panties. She snakes her other hand into the back of his hair, scrunching her fingertips against his scalp. Pushing him closer to her mouth. 

She has to breathe properly, unfortunately, hasn’t felt she could breathe properly since Bucky stepped into her life. She pulls back from the feverish kiss, but not before catching his bottom lip between her teeth, tugging until he moans quietly. His lips graze against her chin while they both catch their breath, and disappointingly the grinding of their hips has slowed. It’s like the heat of the moment finally sinks in, settles over Bucky and he slowly pushes himself back enough to meet her gaze. 

He looks... _wrecked_ , is the best way to put it. His eyes are bright and glossy, pupils blown wide from lust and not due to any triggers. There’s a strange flush to his cheeks, and his lips are swollen and so, so red from kissing. He looks innocent and sinful at the same time. Beautiful and rugged, gentle and hard and that’s just Bucky. A stunning contradiction in every aspect. 

His blues eyes, now clear again, are searching her own eyes and Ana probably doesn't look any better than he does right now. His eyes drop once to her lips, then back up. There’s a small twitch of his lips, curving up like he’s trying to fight off a smile.

“You said,” Bucky starts, panting twice, “feel what is real. You are what is real.”

Fuck breathing properly.

Bucky lets his metal fingers trace along her neck, her jaw, over her own kiss tender lips. The corner of his eyes are soft, as is the expression settling over his face, and Ana’s heart hasn’t stopped slamming against her chest. Rumbling and vibrating throughout her body like thunder. Thunder. It’s thundering. It’s about to rain. Ana has yet to respond to what Bucky said. Turns out she doesn’t need too because he continues.

“You have always felt real to me.” He mumbles, voice nearly getting lost in the sound of nature's storm. A few rain drops fall round them. “Since the day I met you. You are real, Ana. The only thing I have been sure of for the past five months. You and your-“

Ana pulls him back down to kiss him. She can’t handle a confession like that right now, and it's not that she can’t because she’s emotionally stunted or anything. It’s just for the sheer fact that if she doesn’t stop him, she might end up naked on the roof, underneath him. Or naked on a bed underneath him. She thinks she just wants to be naked and underneath Bucky.

It’s that moment the sky decides to open up, rain hitting the ground and their bodies. Not just light rain, but cold, thick drops of a thunderstorm. It’s soaking their clothes, more so Bucky’s than her own, but she pulls him closer to her body. Kisses him frantically as if she’s trying to make up for all this time they could have been doing this. There seemed to be an underlining sexual tension between them, their chemistry playing off each other since they met. Ana had ignored it until now.

Ana pushes back the wet hair sticking to his face, smiling at him when she pulls back again. “We should probably get inside.” She pants, letting her head tilt to the side as Bucky licks the rain off her neck. Her eyes flutter shut,

Or, they can stay here. Fuck the rain. He nods against her neck, teething grazing over a spot she didn’t know was sensitive. It makes her grind her hips up, forgetting that Bucky is still half straddling her, and her knee is still his caught on his hip. He’s hard. Can feel how hard he is through his jeans. A low groan is pressed against her skin before his lips are sucking at the same spot. 

“Or, we can stay here.” Ana mumbles, reveling in the sensation. She bites her bottom lip when Bucky grounds against her sharply, and she’s pretty sure she’s wetter than the rain around them. 

“Hmm,” Bucky hums against her skin, then sighs. “Should go inside,” he presses one last kiss to the spot and pushes himself up.

Her knee falls off his hip and the rain he was blocking her from soaks her instantly. That was rude; to take away the warmth of his body provided. She blinks away the raindrops, momentarily. Then Bucky is bending back over her, blocking the water. He isn’t looking at her face though, instead his eyes are locked on her chest, her slightly heaving breasts. She’s wearing a light purple V-neck tee shirt, thin and extremely see through right about now. Probably with her nipples hard and on display because the sheer demi bra she’s wearing doesn’t conceal much. If she was planning on laying outside in a thunderstorm she would have dressed differently. 

She can’t be sure if Bucky says, “ _Fucking hell_ ,” because a crack of thunder sounds the moment he opened his mouth. Then lightening races across the sky followed instantly by more thunder, loud and close. Ana abruptly remembers that Bucky’s entire left arm is metal. She reaches up to tug on a wet strain of hair. 

“Let go inside, Snowflake.” She says, then taps his left shoulder. 

***

 

The moment they step into Ana's room, she goes into her bathroom, grabbing two small towels. She tosses one to Bucky, trying to tame her erratic heartbeat, as he dries his face and the ends of his hair. Ana can't take her eyes off of him though, his shirt clinging to every muscle, detailing his thick chest and abs, as if Ana hasn't already burned him into her memory. 

Mentally, Ana shakes herself, steps back into the bathroom to grab a dry shirt hanging on the shower rod. She quickly changes her shirt, peeling off the wet material, dries her torso and puts the new shirt on. When she steps out again, she feels frozen on the spot, and her heart that had slowly began to calm down, picks right back up again.

Bucky is staring at her, eyes dark with desire. His tongue comes out to slowly swipe across his bottom lip, and Ana has no idea how she has been ignoring anything she has felt for this man. She is so incredibly attracted to him, and she can no longer deny the feelings she had been developing for him for months. Biting her lip, Ana trails her eyes from his own lips and down his body. His left arm jerks as he tosses the towel into the corner, the metal plates shifting slightly. 

She brings her eyes back up, inhaling  a shuddering breath as Bucky slowly stalks towards her. Ana grabs his waist when he's close enough, tugging him back to her body as he dips his head down, searing their lips together again. She can't help the soft whimper that comes out of her when Bucky maneuvers her and presses her against the wall. His right hand grips her hip, sliding his thigh between her legs and she would melt if he wasn't holding her up.

Ana moves her hand into his wet hair, gripping the roots at the base of his skull. Their breaths mingle together, labored and hot and when Ana shifts her hip, Bucky presses his leg forward, and a sharp curl of arousal erupts in her stomach. It reminds her how incredibly turned on she is, can feel how slick she is between her legs and how hard Bucky is as he grinds against her hip. A low groan comes from his throat as he trails his hand up her side under her shirt, and that's precisely when there's a knock on her door.

Breaking their kiss, Ana bangs her head back against the wall, because  _of course_. Bucky huffs, almost sounds like he's exasperated. He goes to press another kiss to her mouth when the knocks come again.

"Ana?" It's Wanda. Her voice sounds small, shaky. "Are you awake?"

"Shit." Ana mutters.

With all the willpower she has, Ana pushes Bucky back with her hand on his chest. She's happy to know, to feel, that Bucky's heart rate is much faster than his super solider version of normal. She walks him backwards, until his knees hit the bed and he sits, rather ungracefully. Elite Winter Soldier her ass; this man is nothing but stumbles and goofy little smiles. The same little smile he is giving her now.

"I'm up! One second." Ana calls toward the door. She brushes Bucky's hair back from his forehead. "Stay here." She whispers to him.

Ana steps away, turning to her door, feeling Bucky's hand trail down her hip. When she opens the door, she only keeps it half way, blocking Bucky from sight. Her heart falls when she sees Wanda's face though, and Ana knows her friend had her usual nightmare again. Abruptly, Ana is hit with how bad the energy is again, reminding her of why she was up on the roof in the first place.

"Wanda, sweetie," Ana says, she sounds a little breathless. 

"It happened again." Wanda informs her, wiping a stray tear away from her cheek. "Do you mind if I just-" She shakes her head and walks pass Ana into her room.

Slightly panicking, Ana whirls around. Wanda is now sitting in the same spot that Bucky was just seconds early. Ana blinks. She discreetly looks towards her closet, then her bathroom, for any sign of him. Nothing, expect for her window is now closed, and it might just be the rain, but she swears she sees a boot lift up from the stairs. Trying to fight off her disappointment, Ana focuses on her shaken up friend. Pushing Bucky and how passionately he kissed her into the back of her mind.

 

*******************************************************************

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ...........I told you it was worth it......
> 
> Also, I'm not sure if I will update tomorrow (Thursday) yet. I have a full work schedule, AND THEN, I will be sitting the movie theater chewing my nails off watching Infinity War. So. Yeah.
> 
> And, this will be a spoiler free zone for IW. NO SPOILERS HERE.
> 
> Edit: I saw Avengers Infinity War. I might need a few days to recover.


	30. Chapter 30

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Listen. I'm sorry I didn't update in two days...I saw Infinity War....

Everything feels like it's on fire. Skin, heart, nerves, blood, hands, fingertips, lips, everything is on fire in the best possible way. Or maybe, the worse, since Bucky has had time to think about it and process it and now he is freaking out. He kissed Ana.  _He kissed Ana_. He kissed her, and every ounce of his body is ignited. 

It's a sensation he has never felt before, one he didn't even think was possible given his life. He came out of a World War, was tortured and brainwashed for decades and kept on a leash like some rabid dog. Never again would Bucky think he would even come close to kissing a girl. Hell, he never even thought of flirting again at all once he was freed. It was never a thought or option while hiding for two years.

Then, his life had changed again when he stepped foot into this place. When Bucky agreed to participate in the Deprogramming Sessions, he didn't expect to get anything like this. To get anything like Ana. He never expected to have this strong-headed, spit fire of a woman just waltz into his life, and suddenly paint everything golden like the color laced in her eyes.

He didn't really know what came over him, or what he was even doing. All Bucky knew was that he had to stop her. He was afraid. Afraid she would trigger him and this time, might have really choked the air out of her. All he could think of was protecting Ana from himself. To keep her safe so he could continue to feel her; her touches, her heart against his hand, her hair between his fingers. Feel her comfort, feel her friendship, feel her presence that has taken over Bucky's life.

All he felt was an immense surge of emotion as he stared down at her. His mind had been in a chaotic flurry, sharp zinging pains shooting through his brain, wanting to give in. To just let the part of him that's the Winter Soldier over take him as it has for decades. He couldn't, he wouldn't let that happened. Not when he felt Ana's wrists in his hands. Not when he felt his thighs pressing against hers, not when he could feel her warm breath in the space between him.

Not when Bucky saw the determination and trust in her eyes. As if Ana has all the faith in the world placed in him; and she does, because she pushed him. She pushed him after Bucky had nearly been triggered, grabbed her neck to- what? He doesn't really know. He tried putting the images together after that.

He had reached out for the first person he saw and that happened to be Ana. However, it was her scent that suddenly struck him; roses and earthy rain. It was her pulse he saw jumping in her neck, it was the way her hair brushed against his cheek. It was how Ana refused to act, to defend herself and attack, and it was the same look in her eyes that broke through the chaos. 

Bucky remembers it now. He remembers pulling her close to him, to feel her in any way he could, and that's when he brought Ana close enough for his lips to touch hers. Just a feather light graze, but it made something in his mind click, and his heart skip. It was Ana who had stopped the process from going further, physically and mentally. Which is what lead to the night before.

He was fighting it off, holding back and trying to remember how to feel, how to resist and all he saw was Ana. So, he did the only thing he could think of to stop her, to stop it. Bucky kissed her. He kissed her hard and fast and fierce, and it was almost like an autopilot took over and he naturally just went for it. He couldn't stop kissing her, couldn't get enough of her soft lips and sweet taste. 

Couldn't get enough of how she felt beneath him, soft skin and sharp curves and shifting muscles. When she had whimpered against him, it was like the floodgates in his chest opened. Ana had gotten under his skin since day one, and Bucky had finally given in to all the feelings he has towards her. He didn't realize he was hard between his leg until he moved against her. Fire had erupted in his veins, encasing his body and he didn't want to stop.

Bucky didn't want to stop kissing her, feeling her, pressing against her. He didn't know what would have happened if Wanda hadn't knocked on the door. However, it was that knock that also knocked some sense into Bucky, and he...he left. He had snuck out of the window and up the stairs, back into the pouring rain and through the other entrance. 

It's how he finds himself pacing back and forth in Steve's room, his best friend waiting patiently with his eyebrows raised. Bucky had hidden away the entire night, and honestly, he thinks that might have been the wrong decision, because Ana might be angry. Hell, Bucky knows she is angry, but he doesn't know what to do or how to act or what to say next.

"Buck," Steve finally speaks up. "You gotta talk to me, buddy."

Bucky finally stops pacing but continues wringing his hands together. He looks at Steve. "I kissed her."

Steve blinks.

"I kissed her, Steve. I kissed her and I couldn't stop and it was raining and then we were in her room and I kept kissing her then I-I ran. I left."

The corner of his mouth twitch up for a moment. "Alright," He says slowly, "talk me through this. How...why did you kiss Ana?"

Bucky shoves his right hand through hair. "She," He pauses to chuckle, "she thought it would be a good idea to do a session on the roof."

"What do you mean?" Steve frowns.

"I was talking and Ana just started saying those damn words. With no protection, Steve! She started saying them knowing that there was nothing to stop me from hurting her, and it drives me fucking crazy that she does that. That she doesn't seem to put her own safety first. What would have happened if what she did hadn't worked and I was triggered and I-"

"You weren't, Bucky." He interjects, standing up and placing a comforting hand on his shoulder. "You didn't do anything. Talk to me. Ana started saying the words, and then what?"

He takes a breath, calming himself. "She said them, and I think. I think I was more concerned about hurting her than being triggered. She said I was coherent, that I was actively thinking. So, to stop her from going any further I- I-"

"Kissed her."

Bucky nods. "A lot." He confesses quietly. "I can't even remember the last time I ever kissed someone like that, Steve. It was..." he shakes his head, trailing off into the memory of last night.

"Did it work? You think you weren't triggered because you kissed her?"

He starts pacing again. "Yes. No. Possibly. I'm not sure, I just did what she always tells me to do. Which is to feel things around me and all I felt at that moment was her."

"What happened after?"

Heat begins to burn at Bucky's cheeks. He clears his throat and adverts his eyes. "It uh...got heated? Is that the word to use here? Heated. It started raining so we went into her room. Then Wanda knocked on the door and I left."

"You left?" He questions flatly.

"I ran. I panicked, Steve, I didn't know what to do! So, I just left and hid."

"Bucky." Steve laughs, "You haven't talked to her yet?"

Bucky shakes his head, widening his eyes. "I don't know what to say. I want to let her know that it wasn't...I wasn't triggered. I was fully conscience. But Steve, what would it matter? Nothing can come of it because I don't deserve her. I don't deserve any part of her."

Steve looks like he's going to protest, but a knock interrupts him. They stare at each other for a moment, before Ana's voice floats through the door.

"Steve?" She calls from the hallway. "You in there?"

Bucky's stomach flips and he panics again. He quickly moves into the ensuite, hiding behind the door. He knows how pathetic he probably looks, knows how pathetic he is being. Hiding from Ana because he has no idea what to say to her or even face her with how he acted. He hears Steve open the door, greeting her.

"Have you seen Bucky?" Ana asks him. 

God, the sound of her voice makes Bucky's heart stutter in his chest.

"Isn't he training for the mission?" Steve counters. 

Bucky rolls his eyes. He was never good at lying.

"Is he? I haven't checked the gym yet. I figured...so you haven't seen him then?"

Steve must shake his head no because Bucky doesn't hear him reply. He does hear Ana sigh though and it goes straight through his heart.

"Everything alright?" Steve asks.

"Fine. It's fine. I just wanted to talk to him." Ana says, "If you see him-"

"I'll let him know."

Bucky only emerges from his pathetic hiding spot when he hears the door close. Steve is standing there with his arms crossed and his jaw set. It's a look of determination Bucky has seen plenty of times before on his friends face. He feels like he's about to be scolded.

"You need to talk to her, Bucky." Steve tells him firmly.

"I know." Bucky winces, then sighs. "I know. I will. I just need to..."

Steve drops his arms. "You know she'll understand if you need to process it, right."

Bucky nods. He does know that. There's just so many things to process right now. So many  _hard_ things to process.

"Well, since you probably won't do so right away, and I really don't like lying to her, we're going to train. You, me and Sam."

He doesn't even protest to that. In fact, he's grateful for the opportunity. Maybe it'll help clear his confusing thoughts, his confusing feelings, then can finally talk to Ana. Abruptly, he doesn't know how much help it will be, since all he has been thinking about is the sound of her whimpers, the feel of her body beneath his. 

He shakes his head, shoving his hands through his hair until the roots pull at his scalp. Bucky releases his hair and pushes the images aside. Ignores the tingling in his fingertips like they remember how soft her skin was. When he licks his lips, it's like he can almost taste her again.

"Right. Lets go." Bucky says, before it can get any worse.

***

 

"Have  _you_ seen Bucky?" Ana finally asks Natasha, exasperated. 

She was up half the night helping Wanda, and the other half fighting off the ball of anxiety in her stomach. She had gone to Bucky's room afterward Wanda went back to bed, but he wasn't there. Just Ezra curled up into a fluffy ball, sleeping on his bed. Ana had been a little confused at that, despite how adorable it was, mainly because it took the cat a while to warm up to Bucky.

Clearly, after about fifteen minutes of looking, Bucky didn't want to be found. Ana had already felt so drained from the day that she just gave up, and fell onto her bed. She felt a little annoyed -how can he turn her on so much, then disappear- but mostly concerned. She just wanted to make sure he was okay, and a heavy, heated make-out session they did was probably confusing to him.

She just can't stop thinking about it though. For one, where in the hell did Bucky learn to kiss like that? It's a question burning in her brain and speaking of brain. How was Bucky mentally? Considering Ana did something that was potentially dangerous, and Bucky has this strange sort of protection over her. She just wants to talk to him.

Which is how she ends up finding Natasha at the gym with kickboxing gear on, minus the head guard. She had been throwing punches and kicks at the dummy Fred without even breaking a sweat. Ana wishes she could be just as amazing at fighting as her friend.

Natasha lands a roundhouse kick, then looks over at Ana. "Not today. How did you lose a super soldier?"

"He's a super soldier." Ana counters flatly. She sighs, then slowly sinks down to the mat, spreading out her limbs.

"Want to spar?" Natasha questions, amusement in her voice.

"Do you think they wash these mats every night?"

"Probably not."

"Gross."

"Why are you looking for Barnes? You two are normally inseparable."

Ana frowns at the ceiling. "That's not true."

There's a long pause of silence, then- "Alright. Who saw who naked?"

Quickly sitting up, Ana glares at her. "No one. We just... had a talk on the roof last night. I just want to know if he's okay."

Natasha takes the guard around her knuckles off, tossing them aside, and sit in front of her. Ana tries not to squirm under the scrutinizing gaze of one of the best spies in history. She may be good at hiding things from other people, but not Natasha. Who narrows her eyes for two seconds, then smiles brightly.

"Alright." She says again. "Who kissed who first?"

Ana groans, falling backwards once more. "How do you do that?"

"You're anxious to find him for one. Two, your bottom lip is slightly swollen, like he bit you. Got a bit rough last night, did we?"

A blush makes its way to Ana's cheek, and she's wondering what would happen if the ceiling would just cave in on her right now. It wasn't rough, it was more...passionate, heated,  _hot_. Fuck, and now she can't get the thought of Bucky grinding against her, nipping at her lips and skin and pressing her knee to his hip, out of her head.

"He kissed me." Ana tells her, a little breathlessly. She brings her fingers to her lips; they still feel sensitive. "Because I said the trigger words."

"You what?" Natasha asks, shock coloring her tone.

"Said the trigger words." She sits up again. "I had this theory, Nat. After what happened during the fourth stage, when it almost happened but it didn't. It didn't because he was fighting it off so hard, and I was there, and he reached out to me. For help. He asked me to help him. I thought maybe, if I tried, I could break through to him. That if I broke up the words, it would slow the process down, but I could also help him. He became scared, worried, and I told him to feel what’s in his heart and he just-"

"Kissed you." Nat finishes, a soft smile on her face. "That's rather romantic."

Ana frowns. "Romantic?"

"You seem to be the one thing that keeps him from triggering and I don't think it's just because of your abilities, babe." She explains. "It's kind of romantic if you think about it."

Shaking her head, Ana says, "I'm not sure how far we would've gotten if we weren't interrupted."

"Did you want that?"

"I just want him to feel safe."

"Don't do that, Ana. If you hold back for his sake, you're not going to be happy."

She shrugs. "He's more important that my wants, Nat."

Natasha pushes her over, then proceeds to drag Ana over to the boxing bags.

***

 

The minute Bucky walks into his room, is the minute a plum is thrown at his chest. He quickly catches it before it hits the ground, and he sighs, rolling his eyes to the ceiling. He knew she would be angry.

"I'm not angry at you." Ana states casually. "I'm just annoyed you avoided me for the entire day."

She is a mind reader, he swears. Bucky brings his eyes back down to see Ana sitting on his bed, Ezra stretched out along the surface. He has no idea how she even got in his room, since he locked it before he left for training. Soft purrs fill the air while Ana rubs Ezra's belly. Bucky braces himself, and takes the few steps over to the bed, dropping the plum on the dresser in passing. He sits on the edge of the bed, opposite Ana. He slowly pets along Ezra's side.

Bucky doesn't want to beat around the bush, so he just goes for it. If somewhat nervous. "So. Last night. It just got so...heated."

"Oh, I know. I was there." Ana smiles teasingly at him. At least that's a good sign.

He chuckles, and the feeling in his chest and stomach do something weird. Bucky feels light, little flutters that feel like wings brushing against his ribs. But then the waves of anxiety curl and crashed against his stomach. He doesn't know what to feel.

"Back in my day," He starts, and it makes Ana smile at the underlining joke. "I would've taken you out for a malt or something."

"Malts are still a thing here, Buck." She rolls her eyes.

He takes a breath. "I think I just..." he trails off frowning. He's trying to find the right words, but nothing is coming to him.

"It's okay you know." Ana says casually, her tone is light, but there's something strange about it. "It's completely okay to be and feel confused and not know what to do. I mean, like, it was rather um...heated, as you said and that can be rather..um..you know, so yeah. I understand if you're confused, or like, just want it to be-"

"Ana," Bucky interrupts her, smiling despite himself. 

"Sorry. I think I'm just a little nervous."

"Me too. You're right. I think I'm just a little confused. I think I need to process what happened."

"Right. I pushed you and that wasn't cool." Ana pulls her eyes away from him. She looks guilty. "I shouldn't have put you in a position-uh- situation like that, I'm sorry." 

"I wasn't lying though." Bucky confesses quietly. He slowly slides his right hand over the bed until his fingers brush against Ana's. He carefully takes hold of them. "You're so real to me, Ana. I'm not sure what came over me, I just wanted to stop you."

Ana inhales deeply, a strange smile flashing across her mouth. She nods, but looks away, taking her hand back and pressing her fingers into Ezra's fur. A sharp clenching goes through Bucky's chest and he is suddenly struck with his words not coming out right.

"I meant...shit" Bucky closes his eyes briefly. "I'm not very good at this anymore."

"It's fine. You need to process it. I get it." Ana smiles, it doesn't reach her eyes though. "I know it can get hard, uh difficult. It wasn't fair that I pushed you like that. I thought an impromptu deprogramming might help in a different way, after what happened before. I thought maybe we could repeat Stage four. Actually, you made it to Stage Five unofficially. I was curious but I knew you would be able to get through it. To fight it, and Bucky you did. You were coherent the whole time. Then you kissed me, and then I kissed you, then we kissed each other..."

"Ana." He takes her hand again to stop her rambling. He's never seen her this nervous before.

"I pushed you, and you just wanted to stop me. I understand."

That's wrong. That is so wrong. Bucky needs to fix this. "It may have been to stop you at first, but I didn't want to stop kissing you. I couldn't stop. Then we got to your room and I had just enough time to think clearly and I left. I had these whirls of thoughts and emotions and I didn't know what to do or how to act. I never really know how to act around you. I'm sorry I just left you like that."

"No, don't apologize." She tells him, removing her hand again to wave it in the air. "Wanda ended up staying anyway. I just wanted to make sure you were feeling okay afterwards. Didn't get a chance to check on you. If you were angry with me, or what you might have been thinking."

"Alright for the most part. I just don't know if I should...if we should do it again." Bucky pauses, trying to find the right words to use, but Ana beats him too it, and she ends up taking it the wrong way.

"Right. I get it, completely. Pretend it never happened. No worries."

Bucky frowns. This conversation is heading down a much different road than he thought. "Ana. I can't pretend it never happened. I think-" he inhales deeply, bracing himself. "I think I'm really attracted to you. It was just really fast and I'm a little confused to be honest. Maybe even a little scared."

"That's okay. Listen," She offers him a friendly smile. "Just take whatever time, or not, to process anything you need to. It's fine. It can totally just be a one time thing that got a little heated because of the moment. It happens. Just, don't let it distract you. Please don't let me distract you from the sessions and helping yourself. That's the most important thing there, Bucky. So, just don't worry about it."

"What about you? You're important in this situation too." Bucky tells her firmly.

Ana shakes her head. "You always come first."

Bucky does not like that answer at all. He's about to tell her that shouldn't be something she goes by. That Ana herself will always be more important than himself. However, a soft dinging noise cuts through the room. Bucky pulls his phone out of his pocket, finally getting use to carrying it around with him. It's a message from Sam about another meeting for the mission. Bucky doesn't think the current conversation is going where he wants it to go, so he takes this opportunity to opt out.

"We're having another meeting." Bucky informs her. "In two minutes, good timing there, pal."

"Just, tell me one thing before you go."  Ana says.

"Okay."

"Where the hell did you learn to kiss like that? Because goddamn, Buck."

Bucky laughs, and the heat in his cheeks is back. It's going to be a regular occurrence around her. "Previously acquired skills, remember, doll."

He says it because he knows he'll get a reaction. He does. Ana narrows her eyes, the muscle at her jaw twitching.

"Keep it up with that _doll_ thing and see where it gets you." She threatens, tugging at his hair. "Seriously though. Your last kiss was, when, 1942?"

"If you must know. It was inspired by  _The Notebook_..."

Ana cackles so loud, it startles Ezra who glares at her, then jumps off the bed walking out of the room. Bucky follows the cat, rolling his eyes and leaving Ana in a fit of hysterics. He doesn't think that’s how he wanted that conversation to go.

 

*********************************************************************

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Listen. That movie fucked me the fuck up. Like so bad that I couldn't find fucking write.
> 
> This chapter was the bane of my existence while writing it. I hope you all liked it, and if not, that's okay, but I understand.
> 
> Also, there will be no spoilers here of said movie. All I did was post about my reaction to it, and that is all.
> 
> Thank you for reading! <3


	31. Chapter 31

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Blink and you'll miss it angst? Mentions of blood, non graphic minor injury. Fighting, kinda of.

Ana was glad she was able to laugh after talking to Bucky. Mainly because her stomach is rolling in sick waves. She leans against her door after closing it and sighs. Her heart is pounding in her chest and her stomach is clenching. She knows she just took one for her own team 

"Well, that's a self-sacrificing look if I ever saw one." Someone speaks.

Ana startles. "I swear to god, Tony. How do you even know this? Why do you keep showing up in my room?"

"I'm not sure what happened, but I'm very familiar with that look on your face. Putting someone else's wellbeing before yours." Tony says. He’s sitting causally at her desk.

"Pepper you mean?" She can't help the slight warmth of fondness over that fact.

Tony hums, then stands from her computer chair. He walks up to her, his dark brown eyes apprising her. Suddenly, he lifts her chin up, tilting his head side to side. He blinks, then releases her chin. Ana frowns, rubbing at her skin.

"Where'd that bruise come from?" He questions, beginning to walk around the room. He picks up books, scans them once, then replaces them

"What bruise?"

"The faded ones on your neck in the shape of fingers."

 _Fuck_. "Got a bit kinky with a guy from a bar. Hot hookup and all." She answers flatly.

"I'd rather not know your kinks, Ana, thank you. Plus, you're lying, badly." Tony pauses to face her. "Barnes told me."

 _Shit_. Ana blinks. "What did he tell you exactly?"

"Simon Mills nearly compromising the session. Barnes nearly crushing your neck. The lack of use of the bracelet."

 _Goddammit_. "Did he really say crushing my neck? That's over dramatized." Ana says flatly, finally walking forward and snatching her journal out of Tony's hands. "It's fine. I didn't even notice there was a bruise. He didn't hurt me, so I would really appreciate you not blowing his arm off, thanks."

"He did come to me with that intention." He pauses, and his expression changed. "He cares for you. As do I, so next time, Ana. Use the damn bracelet. I gave it to you for a reason."

"Yes, sir." Ana quips mockingly. "You didn't tell Pepper, did you?"

"And risk her marching her beautiful legs up here with those heels to kick his ass. No."

Ana plops down on her bed. "Thank you. I promise I'll use it next time."

"It's not just an accessory. Use it, or I'll be present for every session afterwards."

"That is rather unnecessary."

Tony levels her with a look. "Fine. I won’t hesitate to tell Pepper."

Ana shakes her head as Tony steps toward her door.

"It's your safety first, Ana. Oh, the mission got moved up. Change of plans on the testing of the weapons."

Ana frowns. "Are you guys ready?"

Tony opens the door. "Don't you mean, is _he_ ready?"

"What do you think?" She inquires genuinely. 

"I do...unless something pretty distracts him."

Then Tony is out the door, closing it before the throw pillow Ana threw can hit him.

***

 

This is turning out to be quite a day already. It's not until all the meetings have finished and the sun is beginning to set, that Ana marches up to Bucky.

"You told Tony!?" She questions after finding Bucky on the roof again. 

"Got to be more specific, darling." He says, sitting up from the lounge chair.

"You told him about the compromised stage? Why would you do that? He's rather testy about it."

"I figured you would listen to him about taking precautionary measures."

"What?" Ana asks, baffled.

Bucky sighs. “You know, for someone really smart, you can be really stupid.”

“ _Excuse me_?” Ana says incredulously.

“You don’t active any of the defense mechanisms, Ana! The restraints, the bracelet. You don’t take the precautionary measures to protect yourself! You didn't even use that little taser disk!" Bucky pauses, his jaw twitching.

He looks her over for a moment. "As lovely as last night went, you still did something incredibly reckless. Anything could have happened! Don’t you know if something were to happen to you it would be my fault and I would never be able to live with myself?!”

Ana feels the tension seep from her shoulders. Bucky looks so concerned, so worried, it makes her feel guilty. “Bucky-“

"It's one of the things that drives me fucking insane about you! As if you don't care for your own safety at all."

Something sour burns in her mouth. "Right, why would I when I have a big, bad soldier to do it for me? Protecting me so much, he still holds back from me."

"Didn't hold back last night, did I?" Bucky counters, voice dropping to a lower tone.

Oh, so they can stumble through an awkward conversation about it, but making snarky remarks is as easy as can be. Two can play that game. Ana steps closer to him until he has to look up at her. She tries not to get distracted by his eyes shining in the fading light of the sun, or the fierce look in them. The set of his mouth with how red his lips are, and how Ana remember exactly how they felt on hers, on her skin.

"You protect me so much from yourself, that I bet you're too afraid to even kiss me again." She whispers.

Bucky just stares into her eyes. He doesn't say anything. He doesn't do anything, and a flash of hurt shoots through her chest because she knew it. Knew that him  _processing_ it meant it wasn't going to happen ever again. That it really was a one time thing he just did to shut her up. Ana swallows the lump in her throat, then steps back.

"You leave for the mission tomorrow." She informs quietly, keeping her tone professional. "I'd take the day to mentally prepare. Don't want anything to distract you and compromise the mission."

With that, she just turns and walks away.

*** 

 

Ana is preparing a late dinner the next night, chopping up vegetables on the cutting board, letting the sound of the light rain fill the room. Most everyone is gone for the mission, however, she decided to make more than enough food in case anyone is hungry when they get back. 

She didn't see Bucky all that much, but they did end up apologizing to each other. Mainly because it felt so weird to throw jabs and stay mad for long. Plus, Bucky had been rather nervous, and pushing everything from the night before aside, Ana helped him. She went through breathing exercises and reminded him that their mission has nothing to do with Hydra. So, the chance of running into someone is very, very low. He was still nervous though.

He had left her with a soft press of his lips against her knuckles. It felt loaded with another apology and gratefulness. His eyes had pinned Ana to the spot she was standing, until his lips finally pulled back. She wished him luck, with the rest of them and off they went.

Ana's phone buzzes on the counter, but her hands are busy, carefully cutting into zucchini. The buzzing stops, then starts again and Ana huffs, puts down the knife to grab her phone. It's Tony. Who is currently on the mission. Tony who just called her twice. Tony, who is calling her a third time. A surge of panic runs up her spine; the lights flicker around her.

"Tony!?" Ana answers worriedly. "What's going on?"

"Need you to come here, preferably now, please. That'd be great." He answers curtly. There's a lot of background noise, and his voice echoes a little. He's calling from the suit.

"Aren't you dealing with-"

"Yes, and there's a lot to do with energy that's being pulled from a source we can't see. Those weapons we thought were being made. They're made. This guy is planning on draining the power from the entire state of New York, so-"

"I can't, Tony! That's not my job. I wouldn't even know how to help. I don't do field work."

"You do now. Lets go, chop, chop."

"I don't have a way of getting there. I don't even know where you are." She tells him, running to her room and slipping on the first pair of shoes she sees.

"If you stop stalling and get to the roof-"

"Did you send a suit?" Ana catches on, opening her window to climb the stairs. "I can't fly a suit!"

"You don't have to. Get in." Tony disconnects.

Ana puts her phone on the ground, out of the rain and steps onto the roof. Waiting there is one of the many Iron Man suits Tony has created. The rain is falling a little harder, soaking her clothes as she runs towards it. She carefully steps inside, and instantly the suit closes around her. Her sight changes to a screen with target circles and coordinates. Tony's voice is back, having reconnected and abruptly the suit takes off.

"I need you to read this guy’s energy."

Ana gasps, her stomach swooping. The sensation of flying very new to her. "Talk to me, what's going on? How the hell do you fly in this?"

"Wanda is down. He pulled her power from her."

"What do you mean by that?"

"He's similar to you, more advanced with these weapons. Figured you could help with that."

"Tony, I'm a non-combatant agent! I don't do field work, how am I supposed to help?"

"You don't give yourself enough credit, Ana." He says firmly. "I know you hold back and this is a time where we really need you to not."

Ana winces as she flies too close to a power plant pillar. She grits her teeth. "Is Wanda okay?"

"Nat's got her, she's fine. Away from the fight." He informs.

"Any casualties?" Ana asks. She can see she's coming up on the fight. The sight of the power plant looks clear of civilians. 

"None." 

"Anyone hurt?"

Tony doesn't answer her right away. It concerns Ana as she finally lands, several yards away from the fight she can see. Hawkeye shoots an arrow, but the man they’re fighting blocks it with what looks like three energy whips and a beam.

"Injures?" She questions again. She notes the guy isn't moving his feet, but no one seems to be getting close. It's then she remembers that Bucky is also with them. She doesn't see him. Tony has yet to answer her.

"Stark!"

"None." Tony finally answers. 

"That's a lie. Where is he?"

"Mr. Sparky over there disabled the use of his metal arm." He informs.

"Let me out." Ana demands.

The suit dissembles from her body, and she's instantly dripping in rain. She assesses the situation again, running closer to the others. The man still has his feet rooted to the ground, very close to a power outlet. That's where it's coming from. Iron Man's suit is suddenly flying next to her, as is Sam.

"What is she doing here?" Sam asks, bringing in his wings and running beside her.

"Bringing us dinner." Tony quips. Ana can hear his eye roll. "She's the only one who can stop the energy he's collecting. He's draining the suit of power every time I get close."

"He's pulling it from the ground." Ana informs, coming to a stop behind a nearby tree.

She's close enough now to feel the heat of the white beams coming from the whips and the man's body. She sees Steve rebound a beam with his shield. There's a sound of a gun firing off, and the bullet misses the man's foot by two inches. It does cause him to shift, and there's a break in the energy he's using. Ana can't see Bucky, but he's hiding in the shadows, doing his part despite his arm. Relief floods throughout her body, knowing that he's safe.

"There's a major power supply and he's standing over it. That's where he's pulling it from. Enhancing whatever he already has in his body."

"Can you stop it?" Sam questions.

"I have to get close enough." She tells him. "He's literally pulling all of the kinetic energy out of the air. How have you guys been fighting?"

"Not very well." Tony answers, "Slow. Bad performance review. Probably a 32 percent on Rotten Tomato."

Ana rolls her eyes. "I need a distraction to get close. I think I can stop it, but I need to touch him to do so."

"We'll give you air support." Tony tells her. "Wilson."

"On it!" Sam opens his wings and takes off.

"I don't have a weapon, Tony. There's only one chance for this."

"He's got your back." He promises, then takes off.

It takes her a second to realize he's not taking about Sam. Ana runs on her toes, staying as quiet and stealthy as she can. The man suddenly turns though, and if it wasn't for another gun shot, pulling the man's attention back to the previous spot, he would have seen her. She knows exactly who has her back.

Ana slows, and begins to let her walls down, feels the energy burning through the air as she gets closer. If this guy is pulling everyone's kinetic energy, Ana pulls it from him. It's burning at her skin, sizzling in the air and she can see it. A faint blueish gray hovering very close to the man's back. There's gunfire from the air as well as a beam from the suit. Steve throws his shield, and Hawkeye shoots another arrow. The shield is blocked, ricochets off a blast of energy and back into Cap's arm. The arrow lands by the man’s feet and explodes. It's small, but it's the perfect distraction, causing the man's feet to finally move.

She can hear Tony banter with the guy, and the fighting has stopped for the moment. Ana doesn't pay any attention, instead focuses on slowly pulling the sizzling air into her hands. She breathes in slowly, lifting her hands, inching closer. She shuffles her feet forward, over the spot where the man was previously standing and feels the power source beneath her. It's now or get blasted by a beam.

Ana exhales, placing her fingertips on the man's back. Bright blue light shoots from Ana's hands, propelling the man forward into the air. It cuts all ties to his weapons, the electric whips dying out. The man scrambles to get up, blood falling from the corner of his eye. He spots Ana, a sneer on his lips. He flexes his hands, and suddenly the whips sizzle back to life. He slams them on the ground and a burst of power knocks Steve and Clint off their feet, and Tony and Sam of course in the sky. She steadies her feet, absorbing the current through the ground.

"Was wondering where they were hiding you. The Energy Alchemist." The man calls, advancing on Ana. "You know we're the same, you and I." The air crackles around them as he advances.

"I doubt it." Ana says. She can feel his power radiating off his skin, and she needs to touch him once more. She steps closer. "But why don't you enlighten me."

"Clever girl." The man smirks. Louder he says, "If your friends get any closer, you'll meet the end of the whip."

The threat is enough to stop everyone in their tracks. Clint has an arrow poised at the ready, as does Tony with his palm up, beam ready to fire. It's defensive positions he can see. What he doesn't see, is Bucky hiding away somewhere high, between the trees. Another shot is fired, this time with intent to hit a target, which happens to be the man's shoulder.

He jerks forward yelping in pain and dropping one of the whips, opening his stance. He barely glances over his shoulder, so Ana takes the opportunity, and runs straight at him. He turns just in time to see, but Ana drops down, sliding between his legs, and popping up behind him. She thrusts her hands onto his back and pulls at his energy. He gasps the same time Ana does. She digs her fingers into his skin, holding on and draining his energy. It's too much to take in at once, but Ana holds on tightly, gritting her teeth.

The man is slowly sinking to the ground, his breaths getting shorter by the second. He drops the other whips, hands relaxing and head dropping. She feels all the extra power draining from his bones into her own body. He finally falls to the ground and Ana stumbles. She clenches her fists, slowly stepping away from the man. 

Her entire body is shaking, buzzing with pent up energy she stole, kinetic at that, and she needs to release it. Release it somewhere that isn't near the plant and her friends. If they're caught in the blast, well. Ana feels her body heating up and the whips on the ground suddenly fire up again. She sways, some of the power churning the air around her. It's too much to hold. Her blood is boiling, her skin prickling, and the air cracks around her, tinting blue.

"Ana!" Someone calls from the distance.

Ana shakes her head, but the movement also shakes the foundation of the power plant. Iron Man is suddenly next to her, catching her as she falls sideways. He steadies her, and Ana places her hands on the suit. Everything she just took rushes out of her as she channels it into the arc reactor. Tony abruptly releases her, stepping back. Ana regains her footing, and stares at him as he opens his face mask.

"Did you just power my suit?" He questions, expression a mix of bewildered and impressed. 

Ana nods. She's no longer trembling, now that half the energy is in the suit. "Needed to redirect it somewhere safe." She bends over to catch her breath, resting her hands on her knees.

"That was interesting." Clint states, placing a hand on her shoulder to steady her.

The rain is still coming down, having soaked every part of her. There are wet, running footsteps coming towards her, and she remembers that someone was injured. Ana picks her head up, soaked strands of her hair falling over her eyes, to see Bucky standing in front of her.

There's a deep cut on his forehead, blood watery from the rain and dripping down his temple and off his stubble. His left arm is hanging uselessly at his side. His wet hair sticks to the side of his face, and Ana really wants to push the strands aside, just to make sure he doesn't have any more cuts. Bucky drops the automatic rifle in his hand to the wet ground, reaching out for her.

"What the hell are you doing here!?" He demands, gripping her elbow.

"Told you." Clint mutters to someone.

Ana ignores him, narrowing her eyes at Bucky. "No, I'm fine, all good, thanks." She snips. "Just completely drained that dude of all energy and in return, directed it into Tony's suit. I'm all good."

"You didn't think that was dangerous?" Bucky counters, glaring at her.

"What about your arm there, Sergeant Snowflake?" 

He levels her with an unimpressed look. "Still had your back, didn't I?"

Ana smiles softly at him. "Yeah."

"Jesus, you two are worse than love-struck teens." Clint inputs. He takes his hand off her shoulder. "She's fine." He informs everyone else and walks away. 

"I hate him sometimes." Ana mumbles. She straightens up, grabbing Bucky's forearm to steady herself. "Let me see."

She picks up his left arm with both hands, and the grip on her elbow tightens, as to make sure she doesn't fall over. Ana examines the metal, the rain making tiny tinkering noises. Steve, after helping Sam tie the still unconscious man up, comes up next to her.

"How was he able to do that?" He inquires.

"Can we do this out of the rain?" Sam speaks up, sounding less than pleasant.

"Called the jet, should be here in two minutes." Tony informs.

"Just give me a minute." Ana says, bringing Bucky's arm closer to her face.

She closes her eyes. Ana gathers the very last of what she can feel still buzzing inside her, what she didn't give over to Tony's suit. They don't have to know that to fully restore the workings of the arm, Ana has to use some of her own energy as well. Whatever she took from the man had enough kinetic power to remain inside her body. She opens her eyes, squeezes her hands, and quite literally feels the electrical shock emitting from her fingers.

There's a flash of blue light around her hands and arms, and the sound of soft mechanical whirring comes to life. Ana continues to channel it into his arm, until the metal slates shift together, then releases his arm. Bucky wiggles his fingers, and swings his arm around in a circle, his range of motion coming back. He smiles at her.

Then, Ana's knees buckle. Both him and Steve are quick to catch her, holding her up. They're saying something to her, but she can't hear them. Either due to the sudden rushing of blood to her ears or the loud engine of the Quinjet coming to get them. Her eyelashes flutter against the raindrops, which are suddenly blocked by a pair of blue eyes staring at her in concern. Ana sees Bucky’s lips moving, a deep crease on his brow. She still can't make out what he's saying but she's suddenly out of the rain and laying on something solid. 

With the last ounce of strengthen left, Ana lifts her hand. She weakly swipes her thumb over Bucky's face. The wound is still bleeding, but he seems to be fine. Her hand drops down, and her vision blackens.

***

 

When Ana wakes up, she's laying on a rather uneven surface, body weighed down with blankets. She stares up at a white ceiling, lights patterned in a way that isn't the same as the other rooms of the compound. Ana slowly sits up, and realizes it's because she's in the medical ward. Her skin feels itchy. She notices then that there's an IV in her hand, and little heart monitoring pad on her pulse points and chest. She makes to take them off.

"If you think about pulling those out, Barnes will come over here and pin you down. Though, I don't think you'd be opposed to that."

Ana glares to her left. "Tony." 

Tony sits up in his chair. He looks tired, like he was up all night and Ana has no idea how long she's been out for. He pushes a cup of water on the bedside table closer to her. Grateful, she takes it, and drinks the entire cup down.

"Your heart rate dropped dangerously low on the jet." He informs her casually, taking the empty cup back. "You had an extremely high fever as well. Everything is normal now, but you've been out for 24 hours."

Ana slumps back against the pillows. There's only one thing going through her mind right now. "It isn't because I fixed his arm." She states firmly. "He knows that right?"

"You think he believes that?"

Ana sighs.

"I knew it would be too much for you." Tony admits, "shouldn't have asked for help."

"Stop that. Don't do that. I wanted to. I'm fine now. I was just overwhelmed. Too much too soon."

Tony leans over and fist pumps her knuckles. "Good job though, girly. Proud of you."

Ana smiles at him. Tony is mostly all snark and quips, but the fondness and worry in his eyes says so much more. He's seen Ana at her worst, close to death. Has seen her break down crying after her brother's funeral. Has seen her so incredibly angry that all the lights and glass shattered in her apartment. They have a special connection, the two of them. Ana knows Tony is more concerned, and probably relieved than anyone else. Or, almost everyone.

"How long do I have to stay here?" She ends up asking. She looks over at her vitals chart. Everything seems normal.

"Until Janice gives you the all clear." Tony answers. "They just want to make sure you stay stable. You absorbed too much energy into your body."

Ana nods. "How's Bucky? He was bleeding, wasn't he?"

A smirk lifts the corner of Tony's mouth. He nods his head up. Ana follows his nod and on the opposite side of the room is Bucky. There's still blood on the left side of his face, but Ana can't tell if its fresh or dry. Which means, if she had been out for the past twenty- four hours, Bucky hadn’t let anyone tend to him.

***

 

"It's fine, Ana." Bucky assures her for the third time.

"Hush and let me put this on." She scolds, carefully placing the butterfly band-aid over the cut. She had been cleared of normal vitals after her usual vitamin shot and made a beeline towards Bucky.

"You need to rest. Still not happy that he called for your help."

She rolls her eyes, tossing the wrapper away. "He wouldn't have done so if he didn't need it. I swear, you and him both are like overprotective mothers."

"But you're not..." He trails off.

"I'm not- I'm not what? Hmm? Say it. I dare you." She threatens. If he says what she thinks he is going to say, probably something about not being strong enough or an Avenger, she will lose it.

"I just don't want you getting hurt. Draining your energy is enough, don't you think?"

"You know I've literally been attacked in my own home before. If someone is going to hurt me, they'll get to me wherever I am."

"Like hell they will!" He says with fire in his voice.

Ana steps back to stare at him. The blues of his eyes are shinning, but looks fierce, protective, and it's a look Ana is growing use to. She knows how he feels though, because she has the same feelings when it comes to him. They are very protective over each other, and she doesn't know exactly when that happened, but it did, and it's not going away any time soon.

"Bucky." Ana sighs. He closes his eyes, gently grabs her hips and pulls her close. He drops his head to her shoulder and Ana weaves her fingers through is tangled hair.

"Don't you know by now, how much I care about you." Bucky admits, his breath fanning over her skin. "I know I shouldn't. I have no right to-"

"If you start with the self-depreciating shit I will disable your arm again." She threatens softly.

He laughs against her shoulder. When he looks back up, air catches in her lungs. Her heart begins to pick up speed, and the fluttering of her stomach is back. Her mind is suddenly thrown back to a few days ago when he kissed her so fiercely on the roof. They haven't spoken about it since their talk in his room, but Ana can still taste him on her tongue, can still feel the burn of his stubble, the grind of his hips. She desperately wants to taste him again. If he even wants to.

Ana brushes her fingers through his hair again, pushing back the strands that fell over the cut. Bucky's hands fall further down her hips, nearly on the top of her ass, fingers slipping under her shirt, over her scar. She tilts her head down, cupping his jaw, watching his lips part slightly. He turns his head just a fraction, pressing his lips to the palm of her hand. Maybe he does want it.

"Ana, Fury would like a word with you." Steve's voice interrupts the moment. Ana steps back as Bucky drops his hands. Steve just steps into the room, stopping when he sees their expressions. He raises an eyebrow but remains silent.

"I'll go see him." Ana states, trying to will down the flush of her cheeks. 

She hurries out of the room, not glancing back at Bucky, and avoiding Steve's gaze.

****************************************************************************************

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Things are gonna come around the corner soon.....
> 
> Thanks for reading! <3


	32. Chapter 32

Bucky is reeling after the mission. It could have gone much worse, but it also could have gone better. Especially after Ana had passed out and he carried her to the jet, sticking by her side and barely giving Natasha enough room to hook her up to an IV. She just looked so pale, the olive tone of her skin gone, and her chest didn't look like it was rising at times. He'll admit it to himself, maybe even to Steve at a later point, but Bucky was scared shitless.

He felt helpless just sitting by her side as she laid on the little table bed. He didn't speak to anyone on the team, specifically livid at Stark for calling for her in the first place. He had voiced his strong opinion against it, saying it was a bad idea, but it didn't matter. Ana ended up doing an amazing job, but was it worth the cost of this?

Bucky thought they would complete the mission, win, then head back. That he could find Ana, pull her aside and try talking to her again. Explain to her that he was extremely nervous, and he couldn't figure out how to say what he meant. He wouldn't get a chance to.

His mind suddenly recalls Ana telling him about her scars, and how long she was in the hospital for. How she nearly died because of it. He had imagined, against his own will, what she would have looked like, and now, now Bucky never wants to see it. Never wants to see her lying on a table, pale and barely breathing with her heart rate constantly dropping.

Once they got back and to the medical ward, nurses tried fussing over Bucky. He refused anyone to touch him, demanding they focus all their attention on Ana instead. He himself would be find, given that enhanced serum flows through his veins. Relief like no other flooded through his body when he realized she was awake the next night. She had seemed fine, her vitals back up, and the tan tone to her skin back. Even her smile, the bright glitter of golden spots in her eyes, the tapping of her foot. It was all back, because Bucky notices everything about her.

He didn't realize how much he had though, when he began to miss everything he'd seen before. It’s not like he hasn’t noticed her before. He noticed her the minute she strutted into his life with her black, silver studded boots, the thick heel stomping an impression through his heart. But today, today he really notices her.

Maybe it’s because it’s a day off so Ana can recover, and that it’s raining so he has nothing better to do than cause himself inner turmoil. Or nothing good is on the tv, and he doesn’t feel like playing poker with the others. Instead, he’s sitting at the bar of the kitchen. He was reading a book when Ana quietly came in, wearing her black framed glasses and looking sleepy as she just woke from a nap. She pours herself water from the kettle, still warm from the tea Wanda had made, and settles out in the patio under then overhang.

She’s wearing an off the shoulder loose shirt, that slides down her right shoulder to her bicep, along with soft sleep shorts that stop at her mid-thigh. She curls up in the seat, cupping the mug between her hands, staring out at the rain. He notices everything about her.

How her deft, delicate fingers pull out her phone, tapping several times until soft music fills the air. It’s a slow strum of guitars, and a crooning soothing voice that sounds like it belongs in his original time. He notices her run her fingers through the silk brown strands of her hair, flowing through her fingers like melted chocolate. She pushes her hair to the side, exposing the lovely side of her neck. Her fingers trail from her hair, down to her collarbones, tracing her fingertips over the delicate, defined bones, and lower to her décolletage.

She’s not wearing her necklace, but her fingers ghost over the spot absentmindedly. Her skin is smooth, no longer pale from drained energy. He notices her throat bob as she takes a sip of tea, the movement shouldn’t be as intriguing as it is. He sees her chest slowly expand with a deep breath, then fall as she exhales. Her eyelashes graze the very top of her cheekbones every time she blinks languidly.

He notices her full, dark pink lips mouthing along to the lyrics. A little drop of tea lingering on her Cupid’s bow, and he notices her tongue slowly coming out to wipe it away. Bucky has the sudden desire to march over there and kiss the bow of her lips again, tasting the tea and feeling how soft her lips are. He shakes those thoughts out of his head.

Bucky notices Ana when she shifts as Ezra hops up into her lap. The cats dark tail hanging over her bare thigh. He notices how her legs are curled up in the seat, the cat’s tail almost teasing him as it lazily swipes across her gorgeous smooth legs. She slowly leans her head down, smiling softly as Ezra nose bops her. It’s one of the softest smiles Ana owns, and it’s only when the cat is loving her.

He wonders if she ever looks at him like that, because Bucky sure as hell thinks that's how he looks at Ana all the time. There' a loud buzzing against the counter, startling Bucky from his staring. It's enough noise to make Ana looks over at him, slightly surprised that he had been sitting there. He just waves awkwardly, and she gives him a sleepy smile back.

Looking down at the screen of the phone, there's a message, asking him to meet in the conference room. He glances back up, but Ana is refocused on her own screen in front of her, probably messaging that pen pal friend of hers, Telly. Bucky gets up from the stool and heads out of their living quarters and towards the conference room.

When he returns, he notices Ana sitting at the island. Or rather, half her body leaned over the counter, eyes closed and breathing slow and deep.

 ***

 

Ana thought she felt fine after her impromptu involvement during the mission. She thought the IV and vitamins was enough to keep her going; it wasn't. It takes a good, solid four days to fully recover. Apparently, she falls asleep, hunched over the island in the kitchen, with a full mug of coffee sitting idly next to her. Vision was the one to wake her, however, Bucky was hovering close by, a worried look on his face, and his jaw clenching. Ana waves her hand, saying she's fine and if anyone needs her, she'll be napping in her room. She ends up napping for six hours.

The next day, Bucky refuses to go to the lab, insisting that Ana needs to rest more. It causes a bit of bickering and ends with them glaring at each other, with Natasha sitting on the couch with an amused smirk on her mouth. Ana gives up, feeling way too exhausted to deal with it. She just huffs and goes to the kitchen to take out the bag of coffee. Only it's not there. Nor is it in the drawers. Or the kitchen at all.

"I swear to fuck." Ana mumbles, and slowly turns around to face Bucky again. "Did you hide the coffee?"

Bucky just raises his eyebrows and shrugs. Ana narrows her eyes.

"He hid the espresso too." Nat informs from the couch.

The smug looks on Bucky's face falls.

"I am going to kill you, Winter Snowflake." Ana threatens dully. "How am I supposed to get through the day without my coffee?"

"You don't." He responds, glaring over his shoulder for a moment, then back at her. "You sleep."

"I've slept enough, Bucky. I'm fine!"

He just levels her with an unimpressed look.

"Fine." She grumbles, moving from the kitchen and walking past him and grabbing his arm to drag him along. "But I'm staying on the couch and there's a Harry Potter marathon on and if you don't want to work today, then I'm making you sit down and watch them with me."

Ana plops down on the couch ungracefully, releasing Bucky's arm. Natasha tosses her a blanket and Ana immediately curls her legs up and gets comfortable.

"Is that- that the wizards ones?" Bucky questions confused, sitting next to her.

"Yes. Now hand me the control please."

They're barely through the first part of the movie when Ana drifts, and lets the fingers of sleep pull her under. She feels herself leaning sideways, stopping only when she hits something solid, but soft at the same time. She shifts to adjust herself, her head lifting and falling subtly. Whatever she is laying on is warm and she snuggles deeper, breathing out slowly through her nose, filling with the scent of something woodsy. She feels extremely comfortable and with her last conscious thought, realizes that fingers are gently stroking along her head. Ana lets the rhythm of a racing heartbeat lull her to sleep.

***

 

Ana jerks awake, a cold sweat breaking out along her forehead and back. Her heart is racing, her skin prickling, and her ears hear the echoes of agonizing screams. Immediately, there are hands cupping her cheeks, one warm and a little rough, one cool and smooth. The contrasts pull Ana back to reality, staring into the deep blue of Bucky's eyes. Her own scan his face of any cuts, and there is a small one on his forehead, but it's in the wrong position than the one in her nightmare.

"Hey, Annie, focus. Focus on me, you're alright." Bucky is telling her quietly.

Ana nods, brings her hands to his wrists and squeezing

"You with me, darling?"

"Y-yeah." She whispers, moving her hands up to tangle their fingers together. She turns her head to the left, pressing her lips to Bucky's right palm.

"Same dream?"

"The one with you." She murmurs, feeling a little shaky.

Bucky frowns slightly. "I'm right here, don't worry." He brings their hands lower to press against his chest.

She nods again. "I'm fine. Better." She takes a moment to breathe, in and out for five counts. "Did I fall asleep on you?"

"Yeah." Bucky chuckles. "I didn't mind though."

Ana smiles softly at him, her heart fluttering with something that's not from the nightmare. God, she has so many feelings for this man, she doesn't know what to do with them all.

"Want to stay here or sleep in you room?" He questions

"You offering?" She teases.

It causes a light tit of pink to crawl over Bucky's cheeks. "Not what I meant, sweetheart."

She smiles brightly at him. "I know. Actually, I'm comfortable here." Ana breaks their hands part and adjusts Bucky back to his previous potion. She then does the same for herself, resting her head back on his chest. "If that's alright with you."

Bucky doesn't say anything more, just wraps his arm around waist and pulls the blanket up over her shoulders.

"You smell good." Ana mumbles. She’s out again within minutes, swearing she feels Bucky press his lips to her forehead.

Ana keeps falling asleep or nearly passing to in weird spots, and most of them around either around or even on Bucky. She doesn't know if it's becoming a thing, but if she isn't careful, it is going to become a thing.

***

 

Finally, after the nurse on staff, Janice, makes Ana a juice that tastes disgusting, but helps her fully regain strength, Ana feels ready for the next session. She made sure Bucky was alright with it, comfortable to start again. He was, a determined glint in his eyes. Ana tells him to meet her there, as she has to deliver a report to the Medical ward. Something her and Telly put together about the effects of technology on mental health and if the tech available will be able to help in the future.

However, Ana gets caught up by Janice, double checking her vitals. Once she's done with that, Ana walks with hurried steps to get to the Lab when she's stopped again. This time by Agent Erik Woods, asking her about something in the reports from the last mission. 

It takes all Ana has in her not to roll her eyes and sigh. For some reason, she can't help the feeling that he's stalling, that, or she's just really bored. It's the start of the day and she is running late, but Erik caught her and now she's missing out on coffee with Bucky; which he finally allowed her to have again.

She glances subtly at her phone for the time. It's been thirty minutes since she left, and she sees a text from Max that makes her stomach drop and her heart seize in her chest.

_Where are you? They’re deprogramming without you!_

“I have to go.” Ana rushes out, walking away. “Emergency.” 

She doesn’t wait for a response, instead she breaks out into a run. She swallows down the anxiety rising in her throat and wonders why the hell anyone would allow this to happen. She thought this shit was over with once Fury has laid into everyone about it. Apparently, it went right over their dumb heads. She wonders if Bucky feels betrayed, hurt, violated. If he thinks she okayed this. She did  _not_  okay this. Her blood is boiling.

She bursts through the doors, running straight across the open room. The door is locked when she reaches it, banging her hand against the metal. Through the little glass window, she can see that they already started. Can see Bucky clenching his hands, twitching in the chair. Max is suddenly in her view, and when she hears him unlock the door, she shoves it open. Simon is standing in her spot, red book in hand.

 _“Pech.”_  

Ana doesn’t hesitate to reach for Max’s utility belt, grabbing the bo-shuriken he keeps there. She raises her arm and flicks her wrist forward. The knife goes flying across the room, hitting the black star dead on and knocking the book out of his hands. She quickly bends to pull her handgun from holster under her shirt, flicking off the safety, aiming it Simon. 

“What the fuck do you think you’re doing?!” Ana demands, walking towards him. 

She spares a quick glance at Bucky; head ducked down and chest heaving. She puts herself between him and Simon, the lights flickering and buzzing in the room.

Simon glares at her, hand twitching for his own belt. “Needed to speed up the process.”

“That isn’t your choice to make. You are not authorized to make any decisions regarding this!’ Ana fumes. “You are way out of line and I’d advise you leave and take your guards with you, unless you want bullets in your dick.” She lowers her gun to that same level.

Simon looks like he wants to argue but decides against it. His gaze is hard on hers before he turns. He hesitates by the red book that landed on the lower part of the wall, the knife holding it in place. Ana fires a warning shot at the same wall, between his legs, just inches from his crotch. The abrupt noise makes Bucky startle behind her, but she keeps her gun and eyes poised on Simon. He leaves quickly after that.

Ana switches the safety back on, tucking her gun into the back of her belt, then turns to Bucky. He’s inhaling deeply, his shoulders and chest rising with every breath. His fists are still clenched, and his head twitches every now and then. Ana is livid, nearly seeing red, but she has to push that aside and focus on the trembling man in front of her.

She bends over, taking a deep breath. She closes her eyes and feels the energy around him, tainted with something dark. It prickles against her skin, feeling like fear and hopelessness. She concentrates on it, sending vibes of comfort, of calming that will sooth the terror in his mind. She opens her eyes, hands hovering next to Bucky's head.

"Bucky." Ana says softly, slowly placing her hands against his temples. 

He jerks at her touch, head snapping up. The chaotic storm in his eyes clench at her heart painfully. She knows he's fighting it, struggling to remain coherent. She keeps her eyes locked on his, slowly moving her hands from his head, to his shoulders. From his shoulders to his chest, over his heart. She feels it beating fast and hard, chest stuttering with every choppy breath he takes.

"You're safe, it's alright." She promises. "I need you to come back to me."

Bucky's eyes flicker. He blinks. Then slowly, leans his head forward. Ana doesn't move, just allows him to gently press his forehead against hers. His skin is warm and damp with sweat, but she keeps their heads pressed together, watching as his eyes fall shut.

"Breathe." She murmurs. "You can fight this. Feel. Come back to me."

His arms twitch against the locked restraints, but he finally starts to inhale, following her own breathing patterns. Ana waits two minutes, then takes one hand away, reaching under the arm of the chair to unlock the bounds. The metal arches retract back into the arms of the chair.

Immediately, Bucky's arms wrap around her waist, pulling her closer. The abrupt movement forces Ana to straighten up, her hands in the air, and Bucky has his face buried in her stomach; hands clutching the sides of her shirt. Ana sighs in relief. She settles one hand on his shoulder, and the other on the back of his head, fingers weaving through his long hair. 

"Real?" He whispers.

"Yes."

They stay like that for a while, until his breathing matches her own and the slight tremor in his body subsides. She doesn't know how long they've been holding each other, when someone clears their throat. Bucky's arms tighten as Ana looks over at Max. He jerks his head towards the door, as if to tell her they shouldn't stay in the room any longer. She nods and redirects her attention to Bucky.

"Bucky, let’s get out of here." Ana tells him quietly.

Bucky responds by tapping his thumbs against her hips. And that's...that's a testament to her own nervous habit of tapping her collarbone. Finally, he looks up at her, and the blue of his eyes makes her heart skip a beat. They're darker today, darker but clear and despite Ana not being there for the session, he looks like he got through it. Luckily, he got through it without that prick ruining everything; again.

"Sorry." He murmurs, eyebrows knitting down for a moment.

Ana gently swipes her thumb over the small cut on his forehead leftover from the mission. It's healed quickly and will probably be gone by tomorrow night. Ana leans down, softly pressing her lips to the cut. Bucky's hands tighten on her hips, an she can feel a slight tremor in his fingers.

"You shouldn't apologize for that piece of shit, Bucky." Ana tells him, straightening back up. "I will deal with him later, but we need to leave."

He nods, dropping his arms from her hips. He stands shakily, steadying himself for a moment. Ana waves Max over, just for extra protection for Bucky as they make their way out of the room. Ana is about to close the door, when she abruptly remembers the book.

"One second." She tells them.

She turns quickly, walking over to the wall and pulling the knife from the book. She catches it before it hits the ground, and the weight of everything it holds, everything it means is heavy in her hand. There is now a one-inch sized slit that goes through the entire book. Ana bites the inside of her cheek. She would burn the damn thing is she could. In fact, she's going to take it up with Fury.

Instead of putting it back into the table, she tucks it between her belt. Simon somehow was able to unlock the table, and Ana will be damned if she lets someone else get their hands on it. When Ana turns back to leave, Bucky is waiting for her, as if he doesn't want to stray too far. Ana jogs up to him, gripping his elbow.

"You okay, Bucky?"

He nods. "I think so."

She smiles brightly at him, and he gives her a small one in return.

 

***

**

*

 

"We've tried everything we can think of. Ana Rios has too tight of a grip on the sessions. She was granted a high level of authority from Nick Fury and Steve Rogers themselves. Tony Stark is one question away from becoming her new family member. She is best friends with both the Scarlet Witch and Black Widow, and Hawkeye and Falcon keep constant tabs on her. Not to mention that Sergeant Barnes rarely leaves her side. It's damn near impossible."

"Thank you for the briefing that just wasted two minutes of my time. Rios is a hard one to breech, and even harder to get her to relinquish her hold of the sessions. I understand that." A slow, menacing smile spreads across the lips of the speaker. 

"I have one more trick up my sleeve to trigger the Winter Soldier."

"That is?"

"All I ask is your trust. Do I have it?"

There's a moment's pause.

"Hail Hydra!"


	33. Chapter 33

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Language.

The electronics in the room are going haywire, flickering and popping some light bulbs. The air is thick with energy, heavy, as if it hangs there like humidity. It's strange feeling the effects of the energy, it prickles at Bucky's skin as he watches Ana pace back and forth. She is livid. Her hands are shaking, and she can't keep still. She steps up to the throwing station, grabbing one of her knives and throws her arm forward quickly. It lands perfectly in the of the target.

She doesn't stop there though, doesn't even give herself time to reset. She just grabs a set of throwing stars and starts flicking her wrist. One after the other, landing on various planned targets. She grabs another set of knives after that, but the light above them pops, throwing the station they're standing into shadows. Ana doesn't hesitate.

Bucky sighs internally, quickly stepping up and grabbing the blade of the knife with his left hand when she brings her arm back. He grabs her wrist with his right hand and yanks the weapon out of her hand with his left. Ana whirls around, a fiery glint in her eyes. Bucky is glad she doesn't have the ability to melt people with her glares.

"What the f-"

"Come with me." He interrupts her, quickly replacing the knife and dragging her out of the range.

"Bucky, what are you doing?"

"Preventing yourself from injury." He tells her, pushing he doors open. He doesn't let go of her wrist. "You popped the lights."

Her hand goes limp in his, which he takes as her just giving up and allowing him to lead her away from the practice range.

"I didn't mean too." She mumbles behind him.

"I know." He tells her gently. 

He scans the hallway as they walk, a habit that Bucky just can't break. He's just making sure there aren't unnecessary people hovering around, especially with Ana in tow. Especially since she's been showing signs of more enhancement of her already enhance ability. It happens now, the lights dimming for a few moments, then become brighter. 

Bucky sees a set of doors that leads outside onto a small lanai. He suddenly turns, tugging Ana along until he pushes the doors open. He drops her hand only to turn and place both of his on her shoulders. She’s is biting her lip, but it doesn’t stop the small tremor of her chin.

"Ana." He starts, trying to keep his voice level, calm. "Take a breath."

She takes a step back, breaking contact. "I can't! I'm still so angry, Bucky! I feel guilty too because what if something happened. What if that dickhead ended up-"

"He didn't, Ana. He didn't. I'm okay, see?" He smiles at her. She rolls her eyes. "I'm fine. They fired him, right?"

"Bout damn time." Ana mutters.

Bucky takes hold of her hands, squeezing her knuckles. "You need to take a breath. Just breathe. All this negative energy isn't good for you, darling."

Ana steps into him, pressing her forehead to his chest. He hopes she can't hear his heartbeat pick up. He wraps his arms around her, keeping her close, safe. Will catch her just in case it gets too much and she passes out again. 

She came back fuming from a meeting. Bucky watched her storm in, yanking her arm away from Steve's hand and marching straight to her room. The entire living compound's power shut off for two solid minutes before it came back on. Bucky was being briefed on what happened when Ana came back out and left, slamming the door behind her. It took a second for Bucky to follow her.

Right now, as Bucky holds Ana who is trying to calm herself, all he wants to do is kiss her anger away. Have her melt against him like she did on the roof, as if all their problems in the world had disappeared and nothing matter but them. He's not going to though, since it probably won't help any.

Instead, he will continue to hold her close, and give up want he wants. Because what he wants, is not what he deserves. Not when his brain still isn't fixed completely. Not when he could trigger at any moment and when he wakes from that darkened state, Ana will no longer be in his arms.

"You should box." Bucky suggests, breaking the silence after a while. "That helps doesn't it?"

Ana nods against his chest. 

"Come on then."

***

 

At least when Ana walks into the gym she can breathe easier. The smell of the vinyl mat and punching bags already calming her more. She no longer wants to hunt Simon Mills down and throttle him, and that was because she had been reeling in her anger. She changes in the women's locker room after stopping by their rooms to grab clothes. She spots Bucky as she stands in the entry way of the locker room

"Spar with me." Ana demands, putting her hair up in a ponytail and adjusting her tank top.

"What?" Bucky deadpans. He's giving her the flattest look she has ever gotten.

"I figured it out," She says, walking up to him. "I have too much energy pent up. Plus, I've been rather pissed off the whole day and I need to let it out. Please, Bucky?"

Ana widens her eyes, and blinks twice, poking her bottom lip. She doesn't use this look a lot, but he looks like he might refuse. Bucky's eye twitches and his jaw clenches. Then he sighs in defeat, rolling his eyes up to the ceiling.

"I feel like I might regret this."

"Don't worry, Winter Wonderland," She smirks, patting his arm as she passes him. "I don't expect this to be... _hard_."

Ana is abruptly jerked backward, a hand gripped around her bicep and her back colliding with something solid. She feels Bucky's lips graze her hear, his breath hot against her skin.

"We'll just have to see about that." He whispers in her ear. 

The low tone of his voice sends shivers down her spine. The same waves of fire Ana felt from that night come rolling back, licking up her inside and making her heart pick up speed. Bucky grabs her free arm, keeping them both tight in his grip behind her. Ana jerks, testing his hold. It's strong.

"You seem to have a thing for restraints there, Barnes."

"Only where it counts, sweetheart."

Ana inhales slowly, trying to will her heart to beat back to normal.

"Tell me, how would you get out of a hold like this? Dead weight is one thing," He says, then nudges her right foot with his own, locking his calf around her shin. "One little move from me and I can take your bad knee out. What do you do?"

She tries to focus, instead of thinking how she can feel his every breath; how solid and warm his chest is. "I-" She has to clear the rasp from her throat. "I would headbutt you but seeing as how I'm not going to do that."

"That's one way." Bucky states, tightening his hold. "Anything else?"

"Yeah." 

Ana lifts her left leg high enough until her foot reaches his knee, bent ever so slightly. It's enough of boost for her to use the muscles in her leg to step up, unlocking her right leg from his, and swings it around, twisting in the air. The surprise slackens Bucky's grip for a moment and that's all she needs to pull her arms free. She kicks off his shoulder and separates them. Ana leans lightly on her feet, and Bucky has to put his hand on the mat and twist to stand back up.

"Alright." He smiles at her, an impressed expression coloring his face. "That was good. You rely on the element of surprise. You did that on the mission too."

"I have too. Seems to have helped me a lot."

Bucky pushes his hair back with his hand, making his way further onto the mat. "What happens if you injure your knee."

"Fight through it?" Ana shrugs.

He hums, turning to face her. "Let’s hope that doesn't happen. How is your hand to hand?"

"I've only used the bags and Fred over there. So, a bit rusty." She informs him truthfully. 

"Let’s work on that then. Remember to use very advantage you have. Just keep your stance locked, Ana.

Ana huffs. "You know I do."

Bucky just smirks at her.

 ***

 

A rubber orange knife flips through the air, and Ana shoots her hand out to catch it by the handle. She turns, then jabs rapidly at Bucky's side with it. He blocks the attack, getting in his own jab at her ribs.

"Kept your side open." Bucky tells her. 

He had taken his shirt off, leaving him just in a black tank top. Ana had done the same with hers, fighting in just her sports bra and workout pants.

"Stole your knife." Ana counters, panting. She glares at Bucky. They've been going at it for nearly an hour and he has yet to stop to catch his breath.

He nods, a proud smile on his face. "I think, and please rub this in Sam's face, your knife skills surpass mine."

Ana's mouth drops open. "What? Seriously?" She is shocked, and happy. "That's like the highest compliant coming from the Winter Bunny!"

His smile drops off his face. Then he advances on her again and Ana laughs as he tackles her.

***

 

Bucky comes at her with a right hook. Ana dodges it the best she can, catching his left fist in the process. He pulls her forward for a moment, the metal plates shifting to accommodate her weight, then thrusts her back. She nearly trips over her feet as she regains her steps, dropping down as Bucky pushes at her again. She swipes her legs out, but he just flips out of the way.

They've been sparring with hand to hand for half an hour, and neither of them have given up. However, the practicing has taken her mind off what Simon had done, and Bucky seems to be alright with it. She knows he's just glad he wasn't triggered because she wasn't there. Bucky has his back turned to her after he dodged her last attack, and she gets an idea. 

Ana takes a running start. She grabs onto his shoulders, uses her momentum to pull her body up, hooking her left leg over his shoulder, swinging her body upside down and moving her right leg onto his opposite shoulder, trapping him in a vice like grip between her thighs. His hands distractedly come up to grip the bottom of her shirt, but Ana leans her weight forward, knocking him off balance. He falls backwards, hands slipping over her thighs as she lands on her feet, twisting around.

Bucky blinks up at the ceiling. Ana has to stifle a laugh with how bewildered he looks. He shakes his head and just lays there. She walks over to him, looking down.

"That was new." Bucky states, an undertone of pride in his voice.

"Told you, Nat trained me, but I added my own moves here and there."

"And as I have told you, I trained her." He reminds her.

Suddenly, he swipes his arm out at her feet. Ana jumps, because that's the oldest trick in the book. That is, until Bucky catches her mid jump as he pops up, hooking his arm behind her knees. Ana grunts as she hits the floor, wrists pinned, and thighs locked down, so she can't move them very far. It's the first time Bucky doesn't hold back.

"Got you. Looks like I won." He says, that little smirk back on his mouth. His eyes flicker down for a second.

"Really? Because it looks like you want to kiss me again, Winter Bunny. What's stopping you?" Ana whispers, leaning her head up just a fraction. 

Bucky glares down at her, his eyes flickering between her own and her lips. His grip tightens on her wrists, his thighs clenching around her hips harder. A swirl of arousal kicks up in her stomach and Ana has to bite her cheek. Then, Bucky releases her and rolls off to the side. They're both panting a little as Ana sits up.

"I win." She declares triumphantly. "You said use every advantage."

"You're a dirty fight, sweetheart." Bucky pants, his voice rough and a touch deeper. He sits up as well.

"I've got an injured knee that's one good hit away from falling out. I have to fight dirty."

"Good. Good strategy."

"Hmm." Comes a loud thoughtful hum from the sideline. When they both look, Clint is causally lounging on one of the benches. "You were pulling your punches, Barnes."

"Ugh!" Ana throws her hands up. "I knew it! How is that fair, Bucky!?

"I didn't want to hurt you. Besides, you pinning me to the mat three times was all you."

"Unless that was your plan." Clint inputs.

Both Ana and Bucky hold up their middle fingers. Ana kicks his boot. "Fine. I understand, you didn't want me to kick your Frosty the Snowman ass."

"Frosty the Snowman." Bucky mutters, rolling his eyes up. "I swear, you and the endless nicknames."

"I've got plenty. Just haven't used them all."

He sighs. "I wasn't throwing punches hard because if I accidentally clip you, guess who will have my ass."

"Okay, good point."

"Question." Clint speaks up again, leaning back against the bench and crossing his feet. "Have you both kissed again? Because this sexual tension is becoming too much, even for my taste."

Ana can feel her eyes widen and her cheeks heat up. "What the fuck." She mutters. 

Bucky shifts uncomfortably next to her, suddenly interested in the laces of his boots.

"No!" Ana tells him loudly. "I mean. How the hell do you know?"

"So, Nat was right." He smirks like he just caught them both.

"Go home, Legolas." Ana deadpans.

"Natasha knows?" Bucky asks, shocked.

"So does Cap." Clint provides.

"Oh my god, Steve knows!?" Ana turns to face Bucky. "You told him?"

"I panicked!"

"Jesus." Ana stands up. "I'm going to take a very long, hot shower. So if you boys don't mind."

She begins to gather her shirt and water bottle and walks away. As she's nearing the door, she can almost feel Clint open his mouth. So she shouts,

"Shut it, Link!" 

 

***************************************************************

 


	34. Chapter 34

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  _Is it cool that I said all that?_  
>  Is it chill that you're in my head?  
> 'Cause I know that it's delicate

The night is dark, incredibly so, given that the power is out through the entire property. Every single light, every electronic, every power line surrounding the area is down. According to FRIDAY, a transformer blew up outside of the Lab, and it's been out for several hours. Also according to FRIDAY, which was relayed by Tony, it didn't blow up by itself, nor was it an attack.

Ana wrings her hands together. She did it. She somehow couldn't hold in her energy anymore. For the past several days, it has been building up and building up, no matter what she tried doing. It's just, she's been having the same dream about Bucky over and over, and it's gotten to the point where she begs Bucky stay with her until she falls asleep.

All the nightmare feels like a weird omen, and Ana hasn't been able to shake the feeling that something is going to happen. She can feel it in the air sometimes. It's been driving her crazy because she can’t figure out the source. She relays this to Steve, Tony, Sharon and Fury. It's not a big, terrifying feeling, like a giant attack about to come, it's more subtle, like it's focused on of specific thing.

She thinks it's strange, given that Simon is gone and her and Jared still have little talks here and there. At least all the energy with Jared had finally begun to fade away, especially after Ana shared a box that belonged to her brother with him. So, she has no clue where all those off feelings are coming from.

Whatever or whoever it is either knows about Ana's abilities and is hiding it as best they can. Or, Ana is just being paranoid. Clearly, it’s the former, since she got so worried and anxious and angry about it, that when she walked past the transformer while on the phone with Pepper, it blew up. Ana was standing several yards away, but she had expressed how livid she had been to Pepper, and that's when it happened.

It's how Ana finds herself now, on the roof alone, in the dark. At least she can see the stars tonight. She stares at her hands, wondering if maybe she can see at least something come from them. A glow, sparks, currents? Nothing. Her skin doesn't even turn color, like Wanda’s fingers do. She doesn't fully understand what's happening.

How she was able to pull the energy out of the air and drain that man's own during the mission. How she was able to hold that much power inside her, transferring it to Tony’s suit and Bucky's arm. That has never happened before, and now this. She has half the mind to go downstairs, grab the Nutella jar and just go to town.

Instead, Ana inhales deeply, counting in her head, then exhales. She looks up at the night sky, glad that the clouds are holding off enough she so can gaze at the stars. It's pretty, calming, soothing. Then a door opens behind her, and Ana has to fight the smile off her face.

"Knew I'd find you up here." Bucky teases. Ana looks over her shoulder, eyes following him as he sits on the chair next to her. 

"Is everyone mad?" Ana inquires. "Things backed up on the computers?"

"No one is mad, Ana." He nudges her bare foot with his. "It's a nice night, anyway. People should just enjoy the stars. Who care if no one can watch their games."

Bucky is smiling at her. His eyes are soft, his dark hair falling around his face. Just the sight of him in the moonlight makes Ana's heart beat abnormally. He reaches his hand out to stop her nervous hands twisting.

"I don't mind the dark sometimes." He tells her, still giving her that insanely soft smile.

Ana nods. "You know, I once heard someone say you can be whoever you want to be in the dark." She says quietly. "The dark can be scary, but it can also bring out the best and the worst of people. During the day, when there's light, people tend to put on a mask, hide their emotions, their feelings. Sometimes in the dark, is when the real person comes out, when they're the most vulnerable."

"Is that why you were crying in the dark that one time? Because of that reason?" Bucky questions, frowning as he remembers that day.

Ana smiles, a sad little tilt to her mouth. "Are you saying I put on a mask, Bucky?"

"In a way. I think you do it so others don't catch on that things actually affect you."

"You're very perceptive."

"You aren't as hard to read as you think you are, Annie." He teases, then winks.

Ana leans over to gently tug his hair. "They do affect me, you're right. When the lights are on, during the day, I walk around trying to be a positive as I can be. There's so much energy around this place, radiating off of people all the time, and it gets hard for them. I can change it around, give off a better vibe and in return it transmutes their own and helps them."

"What about all that negative energy?"

"I store it away."

Bucky frowns. "Ana-"

"I don't keep it for long. It comes out," She waves her hand gesturing to the open air. "You're right though, Bucky. I wear that mask because if anyone else falls apart around me, it's my job to be as strong and as positive as I can be. In the dark, I want to cry, or be angry. I need it. I hide it away because if I don't, if I'm the one who falls apart in front of everyone else, how is that helping?"

"It makes you human." He states, frowning.

Ana smirks a little. She has brought this up before. "Are you saying that feeling sad, letting things affect you makes you human?"

"I-yes." He smiles knowingly. "I get it,"He chuckles. "Is that who you want to be? Healer of the Heroes?"

Ana huffs a laugh. Her smile slowly fades away as she looks at him. "I want to be the person who helps you. I want to be the one who is there for you when you need it." 

She leans forward and places her hand on the middle of his chest. His heart beating just a little faster than normal for his standards. "I want to help you, Bucky. I want to help you feel what's real in here. So yes. I hide away the negative affects to be strong for those around me. Hopefully in return, it makes them feel strong as well."

He lifts his hand to cover hers, keeping her touch there before she can pull away. She feels bare under his intense blue-eyed gaze. She gives him a tentative smile, then slowly starts to take her hand away. Bucky grasps her fingers, following her hand down to her lap. 

"Since we're being open about what we want..." Ana says lightly, "It's your turn. Got any little secrets there, pal?"

Bucky chuckles under his breath. His eyes are reflecting in the moonlight, gleaming a cool silver and pinning Ana to the chair. He blinks, and something washes over him, his expression calm. His hand still has a firm hold on her fingers, his thumb brushing over her knuckles.

“I’ll tell you.” He speaks quietly, scooting on the edge of his seat. “But you have to close your eyes, and don’t open them until I say so.”

She quirks her eyebrow up. “What?”

“Please. You trust me, right?”

Ana stares at him. She inhales and exhales, letting her eyes fall shut. It’s quiet for a moment, then she feels the cushion shift and Bucky’s lips are grazing her ear. 

“I want to kiss you again.” Bucky confesses softly, his voice a low rumble that vibrates straight through her bones.

Ana inhales sharply, her stomach fluttering and her heartbeat slowly starts to pick up. His soft lips barely touch her ear, sends a warm shiver through her body. The night air suddenly feels warm around them.

“I’ve been thinking about it ever since the first time I kissed you, Ana. I want to feel your lips on mine. I want to feel your body pressed against me. I want to hold you in my arms, feel the way you tremble beneath me.”

Her breath catches in her throat, keeping her eyes closed tightly.

Bucky continues. "I’ve never tasted anything as sweet as you, and I want to taste you on my lips. I want to always feel the way I do when you're around me. I want all of that so, _so_ much. I don't think you understand how much, darling. My hands are shaking from holding back from you. That's how badly I want to kiss you again.

"You drive me crazy, and every day that passes and I don’t kiss you, drives the insanity deeper. I can’t stop thinking about you. Your stunning face, beautiful eyes, full pink lips. Your fucking curves, Ana, I swear to God. You have no idea what you do to me, and every day it gets harder and harder to resist. To not just grab you, pin you to the wall and kiss you senseless. You’ve been this refreshing light in my life, all fierce, sassy, positive and all I want to do is ravish you.”

Slowly, Bucky releases her hand, his touch slipping away from hers. Ana nearly opens her eyes to look over her shoulder at him. But there's something in his voice, low and vulnerable that makes her keep them close. She feels glued to her spot, her body trembling just slightly, and her skin burning just from the softest touch of his lips still at her ear.

"I want to," Bucky goes on, a somber tone to is voice now, "but I don't. Because I see you in the light, and I see you in the dark, and I don't deserve someone as beautifully openhearted as you. I don't deserve to have you in any way other than your help for the original offer. You're too good for someone like me, Ana. I don't deserve you."

His voice sounds incredibly sad. "That's why I haven't given in. That's why I haven't kissed you again. I just want to have you in my life one way or the other. So. I want to kiss you, but I won’t. Not again. Not unless you want me to. It’s been hard to figure out what’s been real this entire time, but you, Ana. You are the realest thing I have ever touched.”

He carefully holds her hand again, bringing it up in the air. He presses his lips softly against the back of her hand. Slowly, he brings her hand back down and breaks all contact. He says. "Count to five, and then your eyes, sweetheart."

When Ana finally opens her eyes, she turns to look behind her. Bucky is gone. 

She searches around the roof. He's not there anymore. She releases a long, shuddering breath, not realizing she'd been holding it since the start of his confession. Her heart is rabbiting against her chest, and her stomach feels fuzzy, and her ear is still burning with the ghost of his lips. Ana feels something on her cheek and she lifts her hand to swipe at it. Her fingers come away wet.

She doesn't know if that single tear is because she's feeling so much all at once. Or, if it's because Bucky truly thinks he doesn't deserve something beautiful in his life, despite him saying he doesn't deserve her. He truly thinks he doesn't deserve to have anything good in his life and that...that needs to be disproved.

The power suddenly kicks back on, buzzing to life again. Ana's entire body hasn't stopped shaking and Bucky left her alone on the roof. Dropping a heartfelt confession like that, and leaving, as if he feared her response. That won't do. Ana gets up on shaky legs, heading towards the hidden staircase. Once she comes off the last step, she turns towards Bucky's room.

 

*******************************************************************

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was inspired by the mini series Kings: _“You can be whoever you want to be in the dark.”_


	35. Chapter 35

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Language, Anxiety/Panic attacks, mentions of anxiety/panic attacks, mild PTSD, an over use of coffee consumption. Slow burn. Eventual smut. Explicit. NSFW. Past violence. Mild violence. Past mention of suicide. Trigger words. Nightmares/terrors. Flashbacks.

Anticipation is something that never really got to Ana. Most likely because she can feel and read the energy before the situation and prepares herself the best way possible. She is not prepared for this, or the fluttering, prickling nerves racing throughout her veins. She places her hand on the door handle, slowly turning it. When it doesn't lock, a flicker of excitement sparks alive in her. When she opens the door, Bucky is there.

Bucky is sitting there, on his bed, looking at her as if he expected her, as if he was waiting to see what she would do. What her reaction would be. The lighting in his room is dim, just the small lamp on the desk is turned on. Through the half darkened room, Ana can see the blush tinting at his cheeks. His lips are parted just slightly, and his eyebrows twitch together for a moment, like he's waiting for her denial. 

She quietly closes the door behind her, manually locking it, and hitting the electronic one as well. Then, Ana presses her thumb to a button under the light switch, and there's a sudden quietness coming over the room. Her heart is racing so fast, she's surprised it hasn't flown out her chest yet. Bucky is looking at her with wide, curious eyes as she stands there, his own chest rising and falling a little rapidly. Ana takes a step forward, quietly inhaling. She's just going for it. She can't take it any longer.

"You can't," She begins, keeping her voice low, "just say those things to me, and expect me to let you walk away." She takes another step, then another. "Expect me not to doing something about it. It's not fair, Bucky."

Bucky frowns. "Ana-"

Ana shakes her head, nearly reaching the bed. "It's not fair for you to say those insanely, beautiful things to me, but you won't let me say them back."

Finally, her knees hit the bed, and ever so slowly, so she doesn't freak him out, puts her knee on the bed. She lifts her other leg up and over his, both knees now on either side of his thighs. She hears Bucky's breath shudder, hears the plates of his left arm whining as he grips the sheets. He swallows thickly, Ana watching his throat bob. She leans forward a little, pushing her fingers through his soft, brown hair, away from his eyes.

"Do you honestly think I don't want any of what you said either?" She whispers, hovering over his body. Just her fingers in his hair. "That I don't think about your lips every single day? How I imagine you kissing me as hard as you did that night. Do you think I don't want to taste you on my lips? That it was completely fine, that _I_  was completely fine after you pressed me so close to you? I could feel how hard you were, Bucky."

Ana leans forward more, slightly to the side until her lips are brushing against the shell of Bucky's ear. She hears his breath stop all together, and his legs shift beneath her.

"Did you think you could make me that incredibly wet, so insanely turned on that I didn't just want to rip your clothes off and have you that night?"

"Ana." Bucky barely breathes out.

She moves back until she can see his eyes again. They have darkened, like the ocean after a storm and Ana is captivated, mainly because Bucky is looking at her with sultry, lust filled eyes. He's biting his lip hard enough its' turning pale. Ana lifts her free hand, gently tugging his bottom lip from assaulting his teeth.

"I want the same thing as you, Bucky." She continues, "I want to kiss you again. I want you to kiss me again. I want to feel your strong body pressed against mine, holding me close and tight because you are the safest thing I have ever felt. But don’t you think, before you make the decision for both of us, that I get a say in what I deserve too?"

Bucky's eyes fall shut, his head tilting back until he hits the headboard. He's swallowing again, his breathing now almost coming out in pants. Ana places both her hands on his cheeks, tilting his head back up. She strokes her thumbs along his cheekbones until he reopens his eyes, staring straight at her.

"I want you, James Buchanan Barnes." Ana tells him fiercely. "I have wanted you for so long, and I'll be damned if the only reason you are holding back is because you're scared and think you don't deserve me. I will be the judge of that."

Ana leans back, taking her hands off his face. Slowly, she grabs the hem of her shirt, pulling it halfway up her stomach. She pauses to make sure Bucky is okay with this. Looking for any sign that says he's uncomfortable. There isn't any. He nods minutely, almost like he doesn't know he's doing it.

She continues to pull at her shirt, slowly tugging it up as she reveals her breasts, covered in a blue, laced bra. She tugs it over her head and drops it to the floor. The air sounds like it catches in Bucky's throat and he blinks once, a blush coloring his cheeks. He lifts his right hand like he wants to reach out and touch, but he drops it at the last second, gripping the sheet.

"Bucky," Ana mutters coming close once more and finally sitting down on his lap. He's hard. "Do you want to kiss me again?"

"Y-yes." Bucky rasps out, still in shock.

Ana brushes their noses together. "Then kiss me."

Bucky's hand suddenly grabs her by the back of the neck, bringing her down until their lips sear together. It's just as fast and dirty as it was the first time, automatically opening their mouths up for each other. Tongues swiping together, tracing lips, teeth and mapping the inside of each other’s mouths. Ana feels Bucky's left hand at the base of her spine and pushes her forward.

She gasps into his mouth, the sensation of his hard cock between her legs ignites fires in her stomach. She whimpers as he does it again, and again and again until Ana is moving her hips for him. Ana's hands frantically grab the bottom of his shirt, sliding it up his abs, and over his toned chest. They break briefly so she can take the shirt off, dropping it to the ground.

It's in this moment that something changes in the pace. Bucky reaches his hand up, gently pushing back her hair behind her ear, looking up at her like she's something he has never seen before. She feels like she's drowning as she stares into those blue, so blue eyes. Filled with lust and desire, and something underlying that she can't place. Though it makes her heart stutter.

Bucky kisses her again, but this time, it's much slower. He sets a more sensual pace, their slick lips sliding together, kissing each other deeply. He curls his tongue in her mouth and it makes Ana's toes curl. She can feel his hand trail slowly up and down her side and over to her ribs, down her spine, tracing her scars. His fingers dance delicately over her skin, until he reaches the back of her bra. As much as she wants to show him, now isn't the time.

Ana leans back, smiling softly down at him. She brushes aside his hair once more. "Please, Bucky." She whispers, "I need to show you how much I want you."

"Ana." Bucky groans, voice low. "I believe you, darling."

"I know. Just trust me." She kisses his lips once more, then pulls back.

It takes a lot of effort to get off the bed, but she does it. Only to slowly slide her black leggings down her thighs, her shins, stepping out of them. Now she's left nearly exposed to Bucky, blue bra and purple side laced panties, because she can never match her underwear and she didn't prepare for something like this to happen.

Bucky blinks twice. "Goddamn." He murmurs.

Ana has to bite her lips, feeling a little shy, burning under his gaze, but Bucky is still wearing his own jeans. So, Ana climbs back over him, her hands going to the waist line of his pants. Bucky seems to snap back from his daze, and with shaky fingers, helps Ana unbutton and unzip. He lifts his hips up, pulling them down enough until Ana can finish the rest, tugging them down his thick thighs that have her mouth watering, until they're completely off his long legs.

She sits on his thighs, leaning her upper body forward and kisses him softly. Their lips moving against each other several times, before Ana gently bites at his bottom lip. She trails her mouth from his red bitten mouth, down his chin, his scruff scraping over her lips, and over to his strong jaw. She nips lightly at the spot, a part of him she has always been fond of, then down to his neck. She nips a little bit harder and Bucky groans beneath her.

His hands grip at her hips, squeezing and kneading. His slides his touch up her sides, the contrast between warm and cool making Ana shiver. It makes waves curl in her stomach, desire licking at her bones. Ana moves her mouth to his collarbones, licking along the skin there, tasting a little salty but she can't get enough. She continues down his left peck, her lips meeting where the base of his metal arm starts, slowly kissing over the scars.

Bucky tenses up beneath her. "Ana," and it sounds like a warning.

"Shh," She breathes against his skin, before looking up at him. "I don't think you know how beautiful I think you are. Always have. Handsome, gorgeous, every single part of you. Even the parts you don't like. I like them all, Bucky."

He shakes his head in disbelief. "You're too good for me."

Ana reaches out to put her fingers over his mouth. "Hush, darling. You're ruining my work."

It makes him chuckle and that's all she wants. Bucky kisses her fingertips as Ana continues to kiss over each scar. She takes her hand away from his mouth, opting to rub both of hers over his strong thighs, using her nails to scratch lightly. It causes another moan from Bucky, and she licks over each defined ab until she's at the waistband of his boxers.

She looks up at him once more, but his eyes are squeezed shut. Ana leans up. "Bucky?"

"I'm good." He rushes out, voice already strained. "It just been...a long time. A really, really long time and I...I'm fine."

"I can stop if you-"

"God, no. No. Please, Ana." He finally opens her eyes and smiles at her. "Just don't laugh if this is over way too quickly."

Ana pushes herself forward, kissing his mouth once. "I would never. Just want you to feel good, no matter how fast or slow that is."

Bucky nods as she pushers herself back down. He bites his bottom lip, but keeps his eyes on her. Ana kisses his hip, then pulls her eyes away and focuses on the cut V line. She bites it softly, wanting to do that since she first saw him shirtless. It's just as delicious as she thought it would be. 

Slowly, she hooks her thumbs under the band of the boxers, and takes her time tugging them down. She kisses his navel, then the crease of each thigh, then the top of his groin, surprised by how soft the downy hair is there. Finally, Ana finishes pulling the boxers down far enough, ignoring something rather important until she takes the material off his feet and tosses them behind her.

Air catches in her throat. Her heart flutters and her stomach flips. Bucky is leanig back against the headboard of the bed, all splayed out and naked beneath her. He is glorious, in every way she can think of. In ways she couldn't even imagine. His board shoulders and buff chest are rising and falling rapidly, as if he's nervous, shy. His abs clench as he grips the sheets and his hips shift. 

The movement draws Ana's focus between his legs. She blows out the breath caught in her throat. She has been with a few men before, but not one comes close to how beautiful Bucky is. Especially his cock. He's incredibly hard, thick and curving towards his stomach, precum already leaking from the head. Ana blinks, then moves down his legs, and gently takes hold of the base of his cock.

Bucky hisses at the contact, hands twisting his tighter in the sheets. Ana smiles up at him once, then carefully darts her tongue out, licking the beads of precum. She hears him gasp above her, so she continues to touch him, softly kissing the underside of the head. She swirls her tongue around the rim twice, then takes the head of his cock between her lips.

"Fuck." Bucky curses softly. 

Ana tries not to smile. She spends a few long moments just suckling at the head, the little sounds Bucky is making turning her on. She pulls back with a quiet little smack. Then, she shifts her hand, and licks a broad wet strip from the base of his cock, to the head, pressing firmly against the vein there.

"Ana...holy- ah! Shit."

Once she had gotten to the head again, Ana had taken half of him in her mouth, keeping it as wet and tight as she can. There's a small ripping sound that makes Ana pull off with a small pop. She looks to her right and sees that Bucky's left hand has ripped a little hole in the sheets. She smirks, then makes eye contact with Bucky, who can't seem to look away.

She envelops him once more hallowing her cheeks, taking him down, inch by inch, until her nose touches his navel. She breathes slow and steady through her nose, then quickly takes Bucky's hands and places them in her hair. He moans loudly, and Ana has to come up for air, being that she's a bit rusty. When she goes back down again, bobbing her head up and down, Bucky's fingers tighten in her hair.

"Fucking hell, I'm not gonna...last..." He grits out, voice rough and deep.

Ana can feel his thighs tensing and sees his abs clenching. She continues to suck him, setting a consistent medium pace. She tightens her lips around his cock, presses her tongue flat against the underside as she moves up and down. At one point, his cock hits the back of her throat and Ana nearly chokes herself, pulling off with an obscene pop, gasping for air.

"Oh fuck, Annie. I think-"

Ana pumps her hands quickly over his wet cock, slick clicking noises filling the space between them. 

"Come, Bucky. It's alright. I want you too." She tells him, smiling as his head falls back against the board with a thud.

She removes one hand, then puts her mouth back on his cock, feeling it fill up on her tongue. Bucky's grip tightens again, he isn't pushing, more like holding on as if this is all a dream. It's not. The salty, somehow a little sweet, taste of him is incredibly real, and Ana might get addicted. With her free hand, she gently cups his balls, full and heavy and Bucky jerks.

On a sharp twist of her wrist, and a hard suck of her mouth, Bucky tenses up. He releases a low, but long moan as he suddenly comes in her mouth. Hot, thick strands landing as her tongue as Ana pulls back just a little, swallowing what she can. When he seems to be finish, she carefully kisses the tip of his cock, licking up anything she may have missed.

She sits up and leans back on her heels. She wipes the corner of her mouth with her thumb, before pushing a few drops of his come inside her mouth and sucking it clean. She takes a deep breath, and looks down at Bucky, whose eyes are half lidded.

"I think..." He pants, sweat glistening on his chest. "You killed me."

Laughing, Ana crawls back over him, pushing his hair back. "Tell me, Soldier. Does that serum give you stamina in bed too?"

He huffs, inhaling deeply, and trailing his hands down her shoulders. "I honestly have no idea, but please. Let’s find out."

Abruptly, Bucky sits up, grabbing Ana by the nape of her neck and kissing her hard. It makes her whimper. She will probably never get used to Bucky kissing her like that. His hands go to the back of her bra, unhooking it with a quick flick of his thumb. Which, alright, that's a nice little skill to have. Ana helps him take the bra off, dropping it to the side. She pushes him back again and his eyes widen as they fall to her chest.

"You know when you dream of something, but in reality, it's just so much better?" Bucky asks breathlessly.

"You've dreamt about this?" Ana chuckles, then bites her lip. 

Bucky had reached out and is now trailing his fingers over her breasts, pinching lightly at her nipples. Ana's eyes flutter close.

"God, those are so sensitive." She whispers, gasping when his fingers roll her nipples.

Bucky hums. "You're are stunning, Ana. I hope you know that." Then he is kissing her neck, sucking hard at a spot.

"Bucky...shit, babe." She shifts a little, moving her leg over his and sits.

She can feel him smirk against her skin and he props the leg she is straddling up. Ana moans, because the movement presses his thick, firm, muscular thigh against her clit. She can feel how wet she is, especially when she slides forward a little.

"Figured you might have a thing for my thighs." Bucky mutters against her skin. "The first night I kissed you, you were practically grinding against them."

"Sue me." Ana quips breathless, grinding forward just a little. "Do you have any idea how wet you fucking make me?"

She pushes him back, leans up on her knees and finally takes her panties off. She quickly rolls to the side to pull them off completely, but when she comes back, Bucky's mouth is opened wide. She smirks, taking his right hand. She trails his fingers down her boobs, over her stomach, and past her navel.

"Ana," He breathes out, swallowing. 

He moves his hand by himself, though she keeps her fingers there. Slowly, he trails his hand over her smooth pubic bone, then looks up at her, like he's asking permission. Ana nods. Bucky slowly slips his fingers between her legs and he groans loudly.

"Told you." She whimpers, gripping his shoulder. "Fuck. Oh, yes. Yeah. do that."

Bucky chuckles, continuing to rub two of his fingers against her clit. Ana drops her head back, as he goes a little faster, slipping his fingers further down her slickness, until he slowly enters one into her soaked pussy. Ana nods, then almost collapses against his chest as he begins to finger her. It must be muscle memory, because suddenly, Bucky has two pumping fingers inside her while his palm grazes over her clit.

"Bucky, holy hell. You're...you're so...fuck. Can I please fuck you now?"

Slowly, Bucky pulls his hand away. "What?"

"Please," Ana leans down to kiss him passionately.

"Yes. God yes." He's saying against her lips.

Ana pulls back and frantically reaches for the nightstand. "Funny story, that started out as a joke. Sam kept making comments about bringing people home, but what if someone changes rooms or something and you look for something and it's just not there. Night is ruined."

"Did you really just bring up Wilson?" Bucky asks flatly.

"I said, Hedwig, you are crazy." She finds was she's looking for, holding it up. "Not so much anymore."

"He put condoms in every room?" Bucky laughs.

"Yes. Now." Ana leans close to his ear. "Enough talk about that, he's not the ones whose name I'll be screaming soon."

"Christ, you're a fucking minx."

Ana quickly rips open the packet, but Bucky stops her. Suddenly, the energy in the room feels super nervous. When Ana looks at him, she knows why. His confidence is abruptly gone, and there's a deep frown on his eyebrows.

"It's literally been seventy-five years, Ana. I don't know what I'm doing anymore." He whispers anxiously.

Ana kisses his cheek. "We'll go slow, if you still want to."

"I do." He promises.

"Remember _The Notebook_?"

"Yeah."

"There ya go."

Bucky kisses her deeply, their tongues slowly dancing together. Ana takes the condom out as they kiss, and gently grabs his cock, which has become hard again in the matter of minutes. She rolls it on, then swings her leg over his other hip straddling him.

"I've got you, Bucky." She tells him. "Do what feels natural to you. If you want to touch me, please do. Kiss me, touch me, talk to me, anything that feels good for you."

Bucky bring his left hand to gently cup her cheek, the metal no longer cool due to the heat in the room. He rests his right hand against her hip, over the scars on her skin, and just holds onto her.

Once she's lined up, Ana lowers herself down slowly, inch by inch, biting her lip at how big Bucky is. She focuses on how good he feels, hard and thick, can feel the heat of him through the thin condom. Once she's fully seated, she can't help but drop her head back in bliss for a second, panting slightly and waiting to adjust, hands anchored on his laboring abs. Ana picks her head up and presses her forehead against his.

"Alright?" She inquires, just to make sure.

"You feel incredible." Bucky murmurs, panting and kissing her chin. "So fucking beautiful, doll."

"Fuck." Ana usually hates that pet name, but at the moment, it's getting to her in the best of ways.

Slowly, Ana just grinds her hips in sensual circles, allowing Bucky to get used to the wet, tight heat of her pussy. He's filling her up so much, so amazingly, that Ana can't keep that slow pace for long.

She feels Bucky's trembling hands trail all over her body, up and down her sides, tracing the words tattooed on her skin. She feels like there's fire blazing after his touch, burning her skin in the best way possible. Ana lifts her hips up slightly, then slowly brings them down again. She repeats the movement, slowly working up to the faster pace.

They're both moaning, gripping each other tight in every place they can; shoulders, hips, hair, thighs. Bucky pulls back to look her in the eyes, and Ana is captivated. Bucky's eyes are the bluest she's ever seen them, pupils blown wide with desire. He's looking at her with so much adoration it takes her breath right out of her lungs. She smiles at him, then leans down to kiss him, causing him to slip half way out of her. Their moans mix together, creating their own soundtrack against each other’s lips. The kiss is heated, opened mouth and tongues dancing together, tracing teeth and mapping out routes. 

Once Ana pulls away to sit up, she drops back down slowly, breath hitching in her throat. She grinds up and down, swirls her hips around in figure eights, reveling in the way Bucky is moaning beneath her. His hands come to grip her hips, fingers digging into her skin as she starts bouncing up and down a little quicker. 

Her heart is racing, her skin burning up all over and all she can really focus on is Bucky; how he feels inside her, his hold gentle yet secure on her hips. Ana moves her hands from his abs to cover his hands with her own, fingers fitting into the space between his. Her eyes flutter, head dropping froward as she speeds up, moaning out his name.

Bucky's mouth drops open, hands suddenly gripping her ass and pulling her closer. Helping her grind against him and lifts her up with his arms and his sheer enhanced strength. His eyes are shining up at her, ablaze with emotions, that Ana beings to feel.

"Not gonna last, darling." He tells her, his left arm coming up along her spine and slipping into her hair. He is rocking her forward against him, makes his cock hit inside her deeper, longer. Ana whimpers.

"You're so big, Bucky, holy shit. You're going to make me come incredibly fast." She says, her eyes slipping shut.

"Yeah?" He whispers. "Gonna come around my cock, Annie?"

He sounds so innocent as he says it, but holy fuck, if it isn't the hottest thing he's said so far. "Fuck, Bucky." 

Ana rides him faster, her grinds and bouncing becoming sloppier. "You're making me feel so fucking good. You feel so good."

"Ana." He hisses, tensing up under her. "I think...I'm- fuck, baby!"

Bucky’s cock twitches inside her, and Ana clenches around him, grinding as much as she can. Bucky grips the roots of her hair, pulling her down and kissing her deeply as he comes inside her. He pushes her against him sharply pressing against that spot inside her, and abruptly, Ana is coming as well.

They hold each other close as they both come down sharing slow, sweet kisses. It takes a minute, then carefully, Bucky is tilting her to the side, laying Ana down and gently slipping out of her. Their labored breaths fill the room, sweat cooling on their skin, cheeks burning with extortion. 

She feels Bucky shift around, then hears a tiny rustling noise, like he threw something away; the condom she figures. Ana makes herself roll over, hooking her knee over his right thigh and propping herself up on her elbow. Bucky is already smiling up at her, reaching his left hand up to unstick some hairs from her forehead. She kisses the palm of his metal hand as he does it.

"Hi." He murmurs, his thumb stroking her cheek.

"Hi." Ana smiles back, her voice just as quiet. Bucky leans up to kiss her gently.

"Fuck." She breathes after they break part. "Why'd did this take so fucking long? This whole time we could have been having, amazing sex."

Bucky breaks to into a loud laugh, wrapping his flesh arm around her waist and pulling her closer. "Forgive me, Annie. I was a bit slow on the uptake."

Ana gently bites at his jaw. "It's only because I'm in a post coitus haze that you're getting away with that name, Snowflake."

"I think you secretly love it. Did you just use the word _coitus_?"

"Yes. Yes, I did."

She gives him a wide, sleepy smile, suddenly feeling a little drained. That soft look in his eyes is back. He brings her closer to his face, kissing her again. Just soft, sweet little kisses, and they do nothing to bring her heart beat back to normal. Bucky's fingers trace along her skin so delicately, she wonders if he's even touching her.

"You're the most beautiful person I've ever seen." Bucky whispers against her mouth.

Ana ducks her head down, hiding her face in his chest. His skin is hot and damp, but she doesn't want to move.

"You really know how to make a girl blush, Barnes. You've got a mouth on you." She nips at his chest. Ana's head bounces a little as he chuckles. 

"Stay with me, please?" He asks, his voice suddenly serious, almost timid.

Ana leans up to stare into his eyes. "Of course." She promises.

The smile Bucky gives her would brighten any cloudy day. It makes his eyes crinkle at the corners and she think this is his best smile ever. Soft, and rarely basking in the happiness in his life, but most importantly, he's looking at her. Bucky brings her head forward so he can kiss her forehead.

Ana adjusts after that, wiggling down until she's comfortable, resting her head on Bucky's chest. He shifts for a moment and then he's pulling up his sheet up to their hips. Ana wraps her arm over his stomach, feeling his left hand intertwining their fingers. Then she feels his free hand slowly run his fingers up and down her shoulder. The sound of his steady heartbeat lulls her into a slumber.

"Ana," Bucky speaks up after a while. She hums her response. "What was the button you hit earlier, the one under the light switch."

"Hmm." Ana exhales deeply, frowning in thought. "Oh. Turns on the sound barrier."

"The what?"

"Tony had it installed while building the compound. For privacy, or so he said. It came in handy."

"Think we can use that to our advantage?" Bucky questions, a mirthful tone to his voice.

Ana kisses his chest. "I plan on it." She mumbles.

"Go to sleep, beautiful."

She snuggles closer to him, smiling to herself. She feels happy, comfortable and her last thought as she drifts off, she is that never wants to leave this moment. Bucky holding her close with his arms wrapped tightly around her.

 

************************************

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Grabs Maui and sings* What can I saaaaayyyy except, you're welcome


	36. Chapter 36

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wrap it before you tap it.
> 
> This may or may not be the last update for the next three days. My sister is graduating college and I will be out of town for that and remembering that I'm old as fuck.
> 
> Please enjoy ;)

Bucky feels Ana shift, her hand twitching on his stomach. She whimpers quietly, so he gently strokes his fingers through her hair to soothe her, hold her a little tighter to his side. She only settles for a few moments, then suddenly Ana jerks awake, popping up from his chest.

"Bucky!" She calls out frantically.

Bucky sits up quickly, grabbing her shoulders. "Shhh, Ana, I'm here, I'm fine." 

Ana shakes her head, like she isn't quite awake from her nightmare yet. Bucky moves his hands to her cheeks, pressing his forehead against hers. Her hand comes up to cover his metal one, pressing his touch harder to her face. She places her right hand over his heart on his bare chest, inhaling deeply. 

"I'm right here, sweetheart." He promises her. He breathes deeply, slowly, until Ana's own matches his.

Finally, she nods, her eyes clear from the haze of her dream. Her fingers brush over his cheekbone, his forehead, the side of his jaw. She's checking for those cuts and bruises left behind by that horrible memory wiper. Bucky takes her fingers and kisses each one. She smiles at him, then turns away.

"I can stay here right?" She asks, voice small and timid.

"Yes. I'm not sure I can even let you leave now." He tells her honestly. 

Ana turns to smile at him. "Good."

"You alright?"

"Yeah." She squeezes his hand. "All good. Wasn't as horrible as last time. I'm okay."

"I'm glad." Bucky says, smiling. She turns her head again to look out the window.

Bucky dips his head down to softly kiss the top of her spine, slowly trailing his lips along her shoulder. Now that he has gotten a taste of her skin, the sounds of her moans, the feel of her body bare against his, he just can't get enough. He will never be able to get enough of her. There's a warm feeling spreading throughout his body, settles deep in his chest that makes his heart beat rapidly, as if he's flying. 

He probably knows what that feeling is, has had that feeling towards Ana for a while now, but he's almost too afraid to admit to himself. Instead, he focuses on making her feel comforted, safe. Focuses on staying with her, by her side, promising that he is alright. That her nightmare was just that.

Ana turns her head once again, her beautiful brown eyes staring straight into his eyes. The nine little golden dots glimmer in the dim light. There's so many emotions there, not all of which Bucky can place, but he sees relief, adoration, warmth, all softly wrapped up in her eyes. She's looking at _him_ like that, has been looking at him like that, and Bucky doesn't completely understand why, but he's going to take it.

He leans forward, closing the two inches between them, softly pressing his lips to her pink ones. He keeps it simple, delicate, just to convey that he isn't going to disappear into her dream. Ana twists a little, placing her hand back on his chest, half of her palm resting where metal meets skin.

"Real." Ana murmurs against his mouth.

Bucky pulls back to connect their foreheads together. He feels the slight strain in his eyes as he stares at her. He nods once, left hand coming up to cup her jaw.

"Yes." He promises.

He seals it with another kiss, slowly dropping is hand from her face to her shoulder, continuing down to trail his fingers down her arm. Ana opens her mouth against his, and he follows, their lips moving together in harmony with one another. He lets his hand trace down her side, fingers brushing against the side of her breast. It causes her to shiver, and Bucky leans forward until Ana lays back against the pillows, never breaking their kiss. 

Swiping his tongue along Ana's bottom lip, she opens her mouth, and he explores every inch of her as he can. Detailing the roof of her mouth, her teeth, pressing against her hot tongue. Ana releases a quiet moan as Bucky moves his hand over her breast, knuckles grazing her hardening nipple. Intrigued, Bucky carefully, very gently pinches her nipple between his metal fingers. Ana's reaction is to arch against him, whimpering into his mouth.

"Fuck." She hisses, breaking their kiss. "Always so sensitive."

Bucky raises his right eyebrow, suddenly very interested. He kisses her jaw, trailing his lips down her neck, licking at the throbbing vein there. He moves down further, gently grazing his teeth over her collarbone, and down to the perfect, and rather blessed swell of her breasts. He presses a kiss to each one, hearing her breath hitch.

He brings his hand up to softly cup her right breast, keeping his mouth of the left. He tentatively flicks his tongue over the little nub, feeling Ana tense slightly under him. He does it again while rolling her other nipple in his fingers. Then, just going with what feels right, Bucky gently grazes his teeth over her skin. Ana gasps softly, hands coming up to grip his shoulders.

"Yeah, uh..that...feels..." She breaks off into a moan.

He smirks against her skin, sucking and biting when he can, switching between each one. Vaguely, he thinks it might leave a little mark, and Bucky abruptly has the urge to litter her skin with his love bites. He wants to explore other matters, however, since Ana's hips and legs keep shifting; seems like a turn on.

"Keep still, darling." He commands softly, after releasing her skin from a harsher bite. "I know what you really want. I'll get there."

Ana scoffs, because she wouldn't be the woman Bucky has fallen hard for if she didn't.

"So cock-sure, aren't you." She teases.

Bucky was trying to press little kisses along her ribs when he looks up at her. "You were cock full earlier."

Her mouth drops, then she's laughing, brushing her fingers through his hair. "I'm so proud you made that joke."

He pushes himself up, pressing his lips against hers once more. It's a rather sloppy kiss, as they're both laughing.

"Learned from the best." He chuckles, pulling back and repositioning himself, hands trailing down her sides.

"Get back to work, Sergeant."

He rolls his eyes. "So bossy." He kisses her stomach. "Don't think I haven't noticed you making eyes at this arm. I seem to remember you being partial to metal between your legs."

As he says it, Bucky squeezes her hips with his left hand. When he doesn't get a response, he looks up to see Ana biting her lip, eyes darkened with lust. He keeps eye contact with her, slowly moving his hand down her inner thigh, keeping his right one at her side. There's the smallest twitch of her eyebrows, and her bottom lip is turning white with how hard she's biting it.

Bucky presses his metal palm between her legs, and Ana whimpers. When he slowly, ever so slowly shifts his hand, her mouth drops open in a quiet gasp as he suddenly feels a difference in heat on her skin. He rubs his palm over her clit, slipping his fingers between her lips, the pressure feeling softer.

Ana drops her head back, her face suddenly out of Bucky's sight. He lowers himself, pressing his mouth to the curve of her hip, wishing he could just spend hours worshiping her hips. He keeps the slow grinding of his wrist, hearing little whimpers and gasps falling from her mouth.

"Do you want my fingers, sweetheart?" Bucky finds himself asking against her skin. 

He is honestly curious, but he also remembers how much talking can help make sex hotter, better... _dirty_. Ana did say he has a mouth on him, and as embarrassing as he might feel at times, all he can think about is making her feel good.

Ana's hand finds his right one, gripping his wrist. "God, yes. _Please_." She moans, picking her head back up. "Please, Bucky."

He doesn't know if it's the sultry begging in her voice, or the fire in her eyes, but Bucky doesn't refuse her. He dips one finger lower, finding the wettest, slickest part of her, and slowly slips his middle finger into her pussy. Ana's hips jerk, her grip tightening on his hand, and her free hand is twisting in the sheets. She seems to be super slick, so he adds another finger, slowly pumping them in and out.

"Holy motherfucker." Ana breathes out, head dropping once more. "Bucky..."

"Annie." He responds, biting at the crease of her thigh. He adds a third finger.

"Fucking hell. Please, Buck...faster."

He can do that. He begins thrusting his fingers faster, in and out, while he slips lower, resting between her thighs. He finally gets a good look of what's in front of him, and his heart flies to his throat. Ana is hairless, and dark pink and glistening, practically dripping down his fingers. 

Ana is the most beautiful, gorgeous, alluring person he has ever seen in his life. When Bucky curls his fingers up, she releases the most beautiful sound. He wants to keep these images, these little noises she's making and burn them into his memory forever.

"Fuck, yes." She moans, "just like that."

Bucky does it over and over, his mouth nearly watering as he watches her hole flutter around his fingers. He finally gives in the to urge to taste her, wondering if she tastes as sweet as her mouth. He carefully takes his right hand away from Ana's, sliding it down her body. 

Bucky places a gentle kiss right above her pelvic bone, then uses his free hand to spread her open just a little more. For a split second, Bucky is nervous as fuck, because what if he doesn't know how to do this right. What if he fucks it all up, in the bad way, and ruins everything. He barely remembers how to even please a woman anymore.

"Bucky." Ana's trembling voice pulls his eyes up to her. "As much as I would love this, you don't have to."

He halts his fingers for a moment. Then leans over to kiss her hip, and the very beginning of the scar that's there. "Just want to make you feel good, Annie."

"You are, babe, fuck. Making me feel incredible." Ana props herself up on her elbows, a light flush coloring her cheeks. "But please don't do something if you don't feel comfortable, alright?"

He smiles shyly up at her. "Just nervous."

"C'mere." Ana whispers, curling her index finger.

Bucky goes, keeping his fingers still inside her, her eyes fluttering as he shifts. She pulls him down into a soft, sensual kiss. She places her hands on either side of his neck, his pulse racing under his fingertips.

"I'm happy with whatever you want to give me." She tells him after they pull away.

Bucky picks up thrusting his fingers again. Ana's mouth drops open and he bites at her lip briefly. "I want to give you this."

She nods, their lips brushing over each others. Little gaps of air and broken whimpers fall beautiful from her lips, and Bucky wants to hear more. Wants to know if she gets loud or stays quiet in a whimpering mess. He is going to find out, and suddenly, his nerves steel themselves. He kisses her forehead.

"I've got you, baby doll." He promises, can't help speaking to her as if they're thrown back to his original decade.

"Fuck." Ana whimpers as Bucky moves back down. "You make a pet name I hate so fucking hot."

"Suits you." He tells her.

She moans a little louder when Bucky curls his fingers again. He kisses her inner thighs, switching between the quivering muscles. If he could spend all day marking up her strong thighs as well, he would. He would mark every single inch of her, not to own her -although there is a rather strong possessive side of Bucky that wants that- but just to remind her of how beautiful she is.

Finally, Bucky comes back to the sight that took his breath away before. He presses his lips to her clit, spreading her legs a little wider with his arm. He feels Ana jolt as he tentatively flicks his tongue against the little nub. She moans loudly, her hands gripping the bed sheets. He sucks it between his lips, hearing Ana whimper above him, tonguing over her clit with firm strokes. He looks up at her.

Ana's head is tilted back, exposing the beautiful line of her throat, her endowed, perfect breasts heaving, and there's sweat beginning to form around her temples. Her mouth is slightly open, like she doesn't even realize it, letting out the hottest moans and whimpers. He decides to just go with it, and pulls her closer to his face with his free arm by her waist, trying to ignore how hard he is between his legs.

"Bucky..." He hears her moan his name, her hand moving from the sheet into his hair, and gripping lightly. "Oh my god."

He runs his tongue slowly up and down the length of her several times, before pointing it, spreading his fingers and thrusting his tongue into her soaked hole. Bucky can't help but moan himself, vaguely wondering if Ana can feel the vibrations against her core. The way she gasps, and lurches up, both hands clutching at his hair tells him she can definitely feel it. He revels in the taste of her; a sharp sweetness captivating his senses. It makes him plunge his tongue in deeper, seemingly can't get enough of her taste.

"Buck...how...Bucky." She mutters breathlessly.

Her hips keep moving down slightly, as if she's trying to get closer. As if she is trying...trying to ride his face like she did his cock. Which is so incredibly hard at the moment, it's almost painful. He just focuses on Ana instead. Bucky moves one of her legs over his shoulder, bent at the knee like she's caging him in with her foot resting on his back.

He fucks into her with his tongue in a steady rhythm, until Ana is letting out a string of noises, a mix between loud and quiet. Bucky uses his thumb to rub circles around her clit and her moans are making him subtly grind his hips against the bed, just to have some form of relief on his cock. He is so hard he's not sure who'll actually come first.

With the way Ana is withering so much, Bucky has to wrap an arm over her naval to hold her in place. It makes her fingers grip is hair tighter, and when Bucky looks back up again, Ana is staring back. Her eyes are dark with lust, but her lips shake, and she drops her head back again.

Bucky licks her out a few more times, driving his tongue as deep as it can go, gathering as much of her wetness as he can. He slowly pulls back, swallowing what he gathered, letting his own groan of pleasure slip out. Bucky replaces his tongue with three metal fingers once more, spreading them open, then dives back down licking around his fingers

"Holy fuck!" Ana gasps loudly, sounding close to tears, voice breaking. "Bucky..I'm so...mmm...gonna come."

He nods against her, switching his mouth back to her clit, sucking with his lips once more, curling his fingers. He seems to have found a sensitive spot, when Ana suddenly leans up on her elbows, gasping. Her hands are briefly trying to push him away, like the sensations Bucky is giving her with his touch is too much. He speeds up his fingers, rubbing relentlessly against that spot, tongues firmly over her clit two more times and that seems to do it.

Ana arches her back, whimpering with his name on her lips. Her hands fall from his hair to his shoulders, her nails digging into the skin of his right one. She is withering so much, Bucky has to tighten his hold again, moving his mouth back to where his fingers are, replacing them with his tongue, swallowing every wave of her come. He coaxes her through her orgasm, her thighs trembling, until her hips stop moving and Ana collapses down on the bed.

Bucky slowly pulls away, licking the captivating taste of her off his lips, and wiping his chin with the back of his hand. When Bucky sits up, his heart stutters. Ana looks like something ethereal, something out of a fairy tale, too perfect to be laying in front of him. She looks like something out of a dream.

Her chest is heaving, her mouth open and panting, sweat glistening on every part of her skin. Her hair is beautifully mused up, baby strands curling and sticking to her temples. Her eyes are closed, apparently blissed out from the orgasm Bucky just gave her. She's not a dream though, she's very real, and in front of him and her eyes are open now, hooded and fucked out and she beckons him closer with the curl of her finger. Bucky obliges.

He crawls over her, immediately capturing her lips with his. Ana wastes no time in swiping her tongue in his mouth, tasting herself on his own tongue. A jolt of electricity hits Bucky, zinging up his spine and curling in his stomach. Ana has taken hold of his cock, rock hard and so wet at the tip. She swipes her thumb over his slit, and using the pre-cum to jerk her hand up and down, makes for a smoother glide. 

Bucky pants into her mouth, moans against her lips and gently thrusts his cock into her fist. Her motions are quick, pumping down and twisting her wrist at the tip of his cock, her knuckles brushing against his abs. When Ana moves her thumb underneath the tip of his cock and press down lightly, Bucky comes with a muffled shout, swallowed by Ana's lips.

Breathing hard against her lips, their kiss a little sloppy, but still perfect, Bucky lets her coax wave after wave of his come. Shooting up her stomach until there's nothing left. He collapses next to her, at least having a sense of mind not to crush her with his weight.

"Fuck, Annie. Pretty sure you are going to be the death of me."

"Me? You just tongue fucked me into oblivion."

They both end up laughing.

***

It's just two hours later, late into the night, and Bucky is slowly fucking into Ana once more. Their fingers are laced together above her head, with their lips are locked, and their bodies fitting together perfectly like puzzle pieces. Heat is racing throughout his entire body, wondering how he hasn't burnt her skin yet. He can almost feel how fast her heart is beating against his own chest, and his isn't any better 

Bucky thrusts his hips forward slow, but hard, keeping the pace sensual, slow, no sense in rushing this round. Ana nips at his bottom lip a few times, before Bucky pulls away and ducks his head down, biting at her collarbone. He feels her wrap her legs around his hips, pressing him deeper inside her. His bare cock feeling every inch of her; both too caught up in each other to grab another condom.

Every fiber of his being is on fire. Every moan, whimper, gasps of air Ana releases vibrates straight to his heart. Bucky muffles his own moans, grunts and groans into her skin, licking at the saltiness, working on a mark there because he gave in. He needs to give her a reminder of this night, but he also needs people to know they're together now, and if anyone tries to lay one little finger on her, he will knock them out.

Ana is too perfect for him, too perfect for this world. Positive and hopeful, smart and cunning, funny and dorky, and Bucky will be damned if anything happens to her. She may be way too good for someone like himself, someone who has a bloodstained pass he can't get rid of. However, Ana is also the best thing to have ever happened to him and he is not idiotic enough to lose that. To lose her.

"Ana," Bucky murmurs, picking his head up to kiss her again. "You feel amazing."

Ana whimpers against his lips. "You too." She whispers, eyes fluttered against his cheekbones. "You sure it's been nearly eight decades?"

He chuckles, pressing his forehead to hers. "Good?"

"Amazing. Perfect. Considering your age."

"I'm going to make you come just to shut you up, Annie." He threatens, as if it's an actual threat. It's probably just her intention all along. He snaps his hips forward, harder and faster this time.

"That's my intention,  _James_." She quips back breathless, her hands squeezing his.

God, he knows her so well, and his real name falling from her lips makes heat curl in his stomach. He kisses her again, speeding up his thrusts, feeling each drag of his bare cock slipping in and out of her pussy. He can tell that Ana is close, her walls beginning to clench around him, pulling him back into her perfectness with each draw back.

It's so hot in the room, their bodies slick and sliding together. The air is filled with the heavy scent of sex, and despite them finally turning the light off, Bucky feels like light is emitting from Ana. In reality, he knows it's really just the moonlight streaming in and painting her body in soft pale grayish-blue streaks.

"Bucky," Ana whimpers into his mouth, her hips grinding up to meet his.

"Gonna come for me, baby girl?" He whispers, lips hovering over hers. "Make you feel so good."

All Ana does is nod, words seeming to catch in her throat. She jerks her arms down, and Bucky understands, release their fingers. Ana immediately wraps her arms around Bucky's neck and shoulders, her hand slipping into his damp hair. He places his left hand against her neck, wrapping his right arm beneath her lower back, pressing her as close as he can. He hears a hitch of breath in Ana's throat, and Bucky's metal fingers twitch against her skin.

"Fuck...I'm..." Ana whines, breaking out into a low moan.

She abruptly gasps, arching her back again, tightens her legs around his hips and throws her head back. Bucky feels her walls clench tightly around his cock, then flutter and throb as she comes. Bucky can't even coax her through it this time around, quickly fucking into her two more time before he stills and begins to come inside her, his cock twitching with long spurts.

Once they've both settle down, their breathing and heart rates back to normal, Ana slowly pushes herself up. Bucky reaches out for her as she gets up, fingers grazing down her spine and over her scar until she walks away. He lets his arm hang off the bed, already pouting because she is no longer next to him, and this is going to be a problem if he can't even be away from her for minute.

That's all it takes too, sixty seconds, before Ana comes back, a small wash cloth in her hand. She tosses it to Bucky, catching the damp cloth as he watches her stretch her arms over her head in all her naked glory. She is stunning. Beautiful. Gorgeous. Her curves cutting through the moonlight like she's some silhouette in a painting.

"Hmm?" Ana hums, climbing back onto the bed. "What's that?"

Bucky frowns, confused. It takes a moment, but he realizes he just said words out loud. "I said you're stunning."

Ana actually hides her face in her hands. "Your sex muddled brain is making you say silly things."

He throws the wash cloth into the bathroom, making a soft noise as it lands. "It's the truth, and it’s the first thing I thought of when I saw you."

Bucky wraps her fingers around her wrists, pulling her hands away from her face. Ana smiles at him, soft and private, just for him. She comes forward, pressing a soft kiss to his mouth. Then as she pulls back, she lifts his left hand, kissing each knuckle, then each fingertip.

"Thank you." She whispers. "I think you are as well. Stunning that is. Beautiful. Handsome."

Bucky kisses her again. Mainly because she looks so kissable, and half because he still doesn't see himself the way she does. It's a work in progress he guesses. Ana sighs against him, her muscles relaxing. He pulls back, takes his away hand to brush her hair behind her ear.

"Wait." Bucky says, suddenly remembering the lack of protection. "We didn't use a condom and -"

Ana waves her hand nonchalantly, she sighs like she's suddenly tired. "I have a form of birth control called the IUD. I'll explain it later. It's all good."

"Oh, that's good then." He comments, a little confused. He looks her over then. Ana blinks slowly, smiling. "We should probably sleep." He suggests. "You look exhausted."

She pouts, but she leans over and grabs the covers. "That's entirely your fault. You just fucked me too well."

A soft chuckle falls from his mouth, shaking his head. "I'm tired too, you know."

Looking over her shoulder, Ana winks at him. Like she's proud she can exhaust a super solider. Bucky kisses her bare shoulder before maneuvering them to the only part of the bed that isn't damn from various reasons. He'll have to change the sheets later, but right now, he just wraps his arm around her waist. They're lying on their sides, Ana's fingers tracing along his jawline and over his growing stubble.

"I think you gave me scruff burn." She murmurs, sleepiness laced in her voice. "Between my thighs. I like it."

Bucky kisses his fingers when they press over his lips. "I'm glad."

She smiles again, then slowly closes her eyes, keeping her hand against his chest. Bucky watches her doze off, and memorizes every detail of her face. The slope of her nose, the cut of her cheekbones, the curl of her eyelashes. The defined bow of her upper, thinner lip, and the puffiness of her lower fuller one. The line of her jaw, the tiny, nearly faded freckles scattered on the tip of her nose that he didn't even notice were there until tonight. 

Her breathing is beginning to even out, slow, long puffs of air. Bucky can't ignore the fire in his blood, the waves in his stomach, the damn little butterflies fluttering his heartbeat. They're all feelings he has had for quite some time now, and he finally gets a chance to confess them. He doesn't really know how, whatever smoothness he thought he had back in the 30's and 40's is long gone. So, he keeps its simple.

"Ana." Bucky whispers through the silence.

It's a moment for her to respond. "Hmm?"

"I really like you." 

There. It might sound lame, simple, silly, but he said it. Bucky watches Ana slowly open her eyes, staring straight into his soul. A tiny smile graces her lips.

"I really like you too, Bucky." She says, tapping her fingers against his skin. 

He smiles back at her, but swallows his nerves down. "This means...um, that we're...together right? No horrible miscommunications or anything?"

"Those Rom-Coms really scare you, don't they?"

"It's frustrating." He growls, learning a laugh from Ana.

"They're movies, Buck. They aren't real."

"But you are."

Something glitters in her eyes. "Yes. This means we're together. Which also means that hussy, Alyssa, needs to keep her damn hands off you."

Now Bucky laughs. "What? What are you talking about?"

Ana rolls her eyes. "She's had a crush on you since she first met you. Well, too damn bad. You're mine now." She mutters darkly.

He raises his eyebrows, shocked at her sudden possessive mood.

"My little Winter Bunny."

Bucky can feel his expression fall. He should have known. "You're a little shit."

Ana snuggles closer, kissing his chin. "That's why you like me."

He tightens his hold around her, pressing his lips to her hair. "Among many other things, my darling."

He feels her smile against his neck. Ana falls asleep soon after, and Bucky isn't far behind. Holding the girl he'd never thought he could have, would have, in his arms.

 

*****************************************************************************

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! (sex scenes are weird for me to write.)


	37. Chapter 37

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait!
> 
> <3

There's a bone deep exhaustion weighing heavily in Ana's body, a deep satisfaction that keeps her immobile. She has no idea how long she has been sleeping, and she's just now beginning to wake up, slowly coming back to consciousnesses. She keeps her eyes close though, not even sure she has the strength to open them, let alone move an inch. She must has shifted throughout the night, because she realizes her head is resting on something solid and soft at the same time. Something warm and comforting, a quiet thumping playing music against her ear, a steady rise and fall of movement. She feels a light, barely there touch along her shoulder, down to her arm, sending slight shivers down her body.

Ana snuggles a little closer, exhaling slowly through her nose. She doesn't want to move from this spot, wants to stay forever pressed and cuddled against Bucky. Wants to wake up to the sound of his heartbeat, to the delicate little touches of his fingers, to the movement of his breathing, to the strong, protective and safe hold of his arms around her. Ana just wants to lay in this spot forever, burning in the heat of his body, in the smell of his skin. 

She feels Bucky moves his left arm away from her hand on his abs, and Ana frowns a little. She hopes he still isn't thinking he should be careful with it around her, so Ana inches her hand over until she can feel the cool metal against her fingertips. Her fingers close around his forearm and she weakly tugs his arm toward her once more. She can feel him chuckle softly, his chest vibrating with it. Then, Ana feels the weight of the covers resting over her body.

"You awake, beautiful?" Bucky asks softly. 

His voice is a deep, gravely drawl that makes Ana's stomach flutter. If she had the strength to move, she would kiss every last word out of his mouth. She doesn't though, she can barely even respond, mainly because she's still half asleep. All she does is hum softly, then turns her head, pressing her mouth against his skin. She can feel him laugh again, tightening his arms around her.

"Thought you were cold." He murmurs, pressing his lips to the top of her head.

She hums what she thinks is a "no", then shifts again, hooking her knee over his thigh and pressing closer to him. She releases a content sigh, reveling in the warmth Bucky's body is providing. Her mind is playing back images of him pressing into her, of kissing her so thoroughly, touching her like she's the most delicate thing on this planet. Ana tightens her hold around his arm, adjust her head a little higher, and nearly falls back to sleep.

Then Bucky speaks.

"What do you see in me?"

He says it so softly, so quiet, that Ana nearly thinks it's just a voice in her dream. It's not, and the weight of the question begins to pull her from her sleep muddled brain. The sad, almost heartbreaking tone makes her open her eyes. The nervousness of the question makes her heart clench in her chest. Ana has told Bucky before what she thinks of him, how she can be so open around him, but now. Now, this is a little different. It's one thing to ask it as friends. It's a completely, utterly, nerve-wracking different thing to ask now that they know each other so imitatively.

Slowly, Ana pushes herself up enough to look him in the eyes. He isn't looking at her, instead his eyes are fixed to the scars around the metal. Ana dips her head down, carefully kissing each jagged line, then traces her lips along the start of the base that makes up is entire arm. When she finishes, she props herself up, Bucky now staring right at her.

"Everything you don’t." Ana tells him quietly, brushing her thumb along his jawline. "Everything you think is wrong. You see yourself as broken. I see a fighter, a survivor, someone who wants to be fixed. Who wants to do right. Who has never given up." 

She moves her hand up higher, pressing her thumb against the side of his eye. The corners crinkle there when Bucky smiles or laughs, and lately Ana has noticed, when he looks at her fondly. It's a physical trait she has come to really admire. They're absent now, replace by a somber look.

"I see someone terrified of themselves," She continues, swiping her thumb along his temple, "but keeps moving forward. Keeps fighting. You keep fighting every day to live normal. To feel normal, to feel accepted, and you are, Bucky.”

Ana leans forward and presses a short but sweet kiss to the corner of his mouth. When she pulls back, she smiles at him, and his eyes seem to become a little brighter. Ana takes her hand from his beautiful face, placing her palm over his metal shoulder. 

“I see how gentle you are." She says, lowering her voice. "How kind, caring, sweet, tentative and cautious with the people around you, your friends. How protective you are of the people you care for. You always make sure others are happy above yourself. I know. I see it because I do the same. If you're that cautious around your friends, when you are around me, you amp that up by thousands."

She smiles down at him. "You're so protective over me."

Bucky shakes his head, bringing his left hand up to cover hers on his shoulder. "I need you to be safe. What if something does happen like it almost did? What if I really do hurt you?”

“You could never, ever hurt me.” Ana promises.

“What _if_?" His voice shakes a little. "If that happens, if I hurt you...I just. I need you to be safe from me.”

“Bucky. We are currently cuddling...naked. We’ve just had sex, several times. I have fallen asleep next to you, open and vulnerable. Did you not think that I feel safe with you? I do. The safest I have felt is with you. Don’t think I’m just going to run away because you put your hand to my neck.”

Ana shifts to lean up more and holds her wrist in front of his face. “If I didn’t run from my own brother after he tried killing me, what makes you think I’m going to run from you?”

“Because he was your brother.” Bucky states sadly, his eyebrows twitching down for a moment.

Ana tries not to roll her eyes. She drops her arm. “A few years ago, Tony created a new suit. It went haywire, shot off a blast that nearly killed me because I was standing right there. If I hadn’t ducked...if I hadn’t moved...but I didn’t run from him suddenly scared that his suits would attack me. I was terrified  _for_ Tony because Pepper nearly chopped his head off.”

The story makes Bucky chuckle a little. Probably imagining Pepper doing just that. It's a funny image. Ana continues.

“Wanda almost crushed me during training once. She got distracted, couldn’t hold a giant tree branch up. I didn’t run. My point is. I would never run from you Bucky. Ever.”

“I don’t deserve you.” He murmurs, moving his right hand from where it was gently tracing over her scars on her hip. He pushes back strands of her hair that has fallen over her shoulder behind her ear. His thumb brushing against her cheekbone.

Ana's eyes flutter briefly. “That’s not what I think. I think you deserve everything bright and beautiful and happy. If that ends up being someone or something else, that’s fine. Because I think you deserve it all.”

Bucky's hand shifts to the nape of her neck. He pulls her head down until their lips meet. He kisses her slowly, just lips moving against lips, slick and warm and Ana's entire body tingles. After a few long moments, she moves her mouth to his chin, trailing her lips over the soft hair lining his face. Kisses along his strong jaw, up to his temple, then down again. She feels his bare chest stutter against hers.

Ana halts her kisses, pulling back to look at him again, His eyes are soft, the color of his irises a deep blue, like the ocean after a storm. Not for the first time, Ana feels like she could just drown in them. She presses a chaste kiss to his lips, then frowns. Something has been nagging at the back of her mind for a while now.

"Bucky." She starts nervously. He tilts his head in confusion at her voice. "I haven’t asked this because I think I’ve been afraid, but do you think these sessions have been working? Do you think the Deprogramming is helping?”

He inhales and exhales deeply, a thoughtful expression on his face. “Yes. I feel a difference now. Whatever you do with your energy, those empathetic abilities, has changed things, Ana. When Stage Four happened, and even Five, something was different."

Bucky presses his thumb between her eyebrows. Probably trying to smooth out the little wrinkle there because Ana is frowning. She hates that those two Stages didn't go as planned. 

"I’ve written it down," He tells her. "That feeling of being triggered. It took a while to figure it out, but whenever I was, I was too weak to fight back. It felt like this darkness was pressing in on me, crushing me from every angle, snuffing out any source of light, any last bit of myself. I watched it, felt it close in on me. It was like I was tied up in my own mind and I didn’t fight it anymore."

"Then suddenly, Steve was forced back into my life and that’s when it started. When I began to fight against it. It was confusing at first, extremely. I didn't understand what was happening, what was going on, why I suddenly had all these images in my head. I had time to figure it all out after I went into hiding."

Bucky gently cups the side of her jaw. "For a while there, when I met people’s eyes on the streets, there was no fear. They didn't know. They were strangers and had no idea. It was nice, temporary, but nice."

He pauses, a grave look washing over his expressions. Ana turns her head to kiss his palm. It makes him smile, and the expression is gone.

“Then I came here. It started again. I saw you. I liked that you were the first person, besides Steve, to not be afraid of me. I notice everyone, everything. I’ve seen the fear, the apprehension in people’s eyes, but you, Ana. You have never looked at me like that. Even after Stage 4, when they forced your hand. You just came after me. Why aren’t you afraid of me?"

"Because you are a good person with a good heart. " Ana leans down until she's kissing the center of his chest. "Because I see you, in the light, in the dark. I see you."

Bucky ends up shaking his head like he can't believe any part of this is real. He kisses her forehead, wrapping his arms around her back, keeping her to his chest. Ana adjusts her head, resting over his heart, which is beating faster than normal. She just wants him to understand.

"Why do you like me so much?" Bucky questions, voice so soft she almost misses it. "I’m just curious, because I still don’t understand how you do."

Ana shifts once more, until her head is now on her right shoulder. She looks up as he looks down at her. "You’ve been nothing but sweet and kind, Bucky. You’re caring. You just let me ramble the first day we met. You didn’t look at me like I was this stupid, bumbling person, like I was the weirdest thing ever.”

“I like your weirdness," Bucky tells her, smiling. "If that’s what you call it. You’re just charismatic.”

She returns the smile. “You listen to me. You never once judged me because of my scars, of how I got them. Of why I started working here. You seem to respect me. You listen to my theories, either on mental health or movies. You protect me. You let me share my food with you and you let me sneak the food I don’t like in your plate and you pretend you don’t notice when I know you do."

He winks at her and Ana chuckles, reaching up to gently tug his hair.

"You make me coffee throughout the day but make me drink tea if I can’t sleep or had a bad night." She continues. "You stay with me when I ask and sometimes when I don’t, and I love that because sometimes I’m too scared to ask you. But you never make me feel pathetic or like a child. You just make me feel safe. Like I can fall asleep and not worry about anything. You trust me. You call me out on my anger, you call me out on anything I need to be. Then you hold me, with both arms, like this. As if I was the most delicate piece of art.”

Bucky responds by kissing her, his mouth pressing firmly against hers. His kisses make her heart go into overdrive, and Ana is shocked that the power in the building hasn’t gone out again due to her. Bucky leans up and turns them until they’re both laying on their sides, their ankles hooked together.

"I have," He speaks against her lips. He kisses twice more, then pulls back to look at her. "Liked you for so long already."

Ana inhales a quiet gasp.

"You looked at me as if I was just another person, Ana. Not like I was broken, or too far gone. You treated me normally. Cared about my feelings, my comfort. You have never pressed me. Never second guessed. You believe in me, and you have this unfathomable faith in me that I still have no idea where the hell it comes from." He chuckles in disbelief.

"You listen to my thoughts, my fears and you never judged me either. You don’t make me feel weak when I have my nightmares. You have never looked at me like I’m a monster. Even though on most days, that's all I see."

“You aren’t, Bucky. I have never thought that about you. I see theses hands that touch me, hold me like I’m made of glass. How can you kiss me so gently, with soft lips and still think you’re a monster?"

There's a ghost of a smile on his mouth. "I think I’m...Ana. You are the most incredible person."

Ana shakes her head, hiding her face in his shoulder. "I have my faults too, ya know."

"I like every single part of you." He says softly. Then follows that by blatantly grabbing her ass.

Ana laughs loudly. "Bucky!" She grabs his left arm, lacing their fingers together. "That is not gentleman like, sir."

Bucky moves until Ana's back is against the mattress and he's hovering over her. 

"Forgive me, darling." He presses a firm kiss to her lips, then pulls back. "Couldn't help myself." He winks again.

"You're fucking ridiculous." Ana quips, smiling up at him. She frees her hand, then wraps both her arms around his neck. "My little Snow Flurry."

She gets the reaction she was expecting. A low growl emits from Bucky's throat, and he kisses her fiercely. Ana is laughing through the kiss so much, it takes a several moments before it's counted as a proper one. What starts off as a playful mood, slowly turns into a more passionate one. Their lips dancing against each other slowly, hot tongues detailing each other’s mouths.

They stay like that for a while. Content to just have a lazy, morning make out session. Fingers slip into hair, skin burning against skin. Heartbeats play off each other’s chest, legs tangled together under the covers. Breaths mingle heavily until they can't tell whose air is whose. The atmosphere in the room is heated, wrapping around their bodies like a soothing blanket.

Their little bubble is broken when Bucky's phone goes off. The sound cuts through the air and startles the both. Bucky groans against her mouth before rolling off her. Ana pants, trying to regain her breath and ignores the dull ache between her legs. Mainly because Bucky started to grind against her when the phone went off.

He clears his throat. "Uhm, apparently people are looking for you."

Ana props herself up on her elbows. "Why?"

"Well," Bucky turns back to face her, a sheepish smile spreading across his lips. "For one thing, it's almost noon."

Ana's mouth drops. She had no idea.

"Second, apparently there's an impromptu meeting that is about you?"

"What?" She sits up, taking the phone when Bucky hands it over. He's right. Natasha's message stating the meeting is about Ana's recent, and surprising surge in her Energy Alchemy. "You'd think they would've informed me yesterday."

Right then, another message comes through and Ana clears her throat. She feels a blush creep over her cheeks. She shows the screen to Bucky, who has the same reaction. Although his blush is a few shades deeper.

"So," Bucky speaks up, pushing his hair back. "Do we tell everyone else?"

Ana chuckles, then leans over to kiss his cheek. "Nat is the only one who knows. We don't have to say anything, and we don't have to not say anything either. It's up to you."

"Can we just keep it limited to her for now? And Steve. He'd liked to know."

"Yeah. That's fine." She smiles at him. Bucky turns to kiss her lips again. "I need to tell Pepper though, and Tony. They'd both kick my ass if they found out from someone else."

She doesn't miss the nervousness that flickers in his blue eyes. "Of course."

"It'll be fine, I promise." She kisses him once more, then moves off his bed. Ana offers a hand to him. "Shower? I have no clothes here and I don't fancy running down the hall naked."

Bucky quickly moves off the bed, opening a drawer from his dresser and pulls out two pieces of clothing. He gives the clothes to Ana, her fumbling to hold them as he marches her towards the bathroom. He turns on the shower and ends up pushing Ana against the cold wall, attacking her lips.

"Mine." He growls, speaking against her lips. "No one sees you but me, Annie."

"Fuck." She groans, nearly melting against him. She doesn't know if it's Bucky protectiveness or possessiveness. Either way she finds incredible hot.

The meeting is delayed forty-five minutes. Mainly because Ana had to cover the few love bites scattered along her neck and collarbones with makeup. Nat's text message burned into the back of her eyes.

 

**New Message from Natasha.**

_You don't need sound proof walls for me to know exactly where Ana has been all night ;)_

_Clint owes me $50 bucks. Thank you both!_

 

_******************************************************************************************_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! <3
> 
> I hope you all enjoyed some fluffer fluff fluffy fest there....


	38. Chapter 38

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _"S-Steve, stop her."_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Trigger words, fighting, (is there angst in this? I dont even know. Like. Barely.)

The meeting doesn't go on for too long, and Ana is grateful for that. Mainly because Bucky was also a part of it, and he had sat across from her as to not raise any suspicion. It didn't stop him from reaching his foot out and slowly dragging it up and down Ana's bare calf under her pants. She hid her smile the best she could, biting her lip and rubbing her bottom one with her fingers.

Ana had caught Natasha's eyes when she walked into the briefing room. The elite spy just quirked her eyebrows knowingly, the smallest smirk pulling up the left corner of her mouth. Clint was sitting right next to her. When Ana's eyes shifted over to him, he winked quickly and nodded once. Ana shot them both of look of silence and took her seat.

Apparently, Nat had covered for her, saying Ana decided to stay up with her in her room and watch movies all night. Ana was grateful for it, and grateful that no one else has seemed to catch on yet. However, both Black Widow and Hawkeye gave the same reaction to Bucky when he walked in. He nearly tripped over his own feet and Ana had to stifle a laugh.

The meeting ended with Ana feeling just a little frustrated. She doesn't know why or how her abilities are becoming stronger. Tony theorized it to be emotional, but in a way where Ana seems to have more of a drive to protect something, or rather, someone. She didn't miss the pointed look he gave her, then shifted his gaze over to Bucky.

Steve thinks it could just be Ana allowing herself to use her ability more, as she doesn't usually do field work. Therefore, her opportunity came when she had to focus more of her energy into taking down the villain. Her power lying dormant for years before then.

Sharon Carter tends to agree, though she adds the fact that Ana has been growing stronger throughout the year. Sam seconds that, also noting that Ana was able to channel the kinetic energy she gathered into Tony's suit and Bucky's arm. Clint ends up voicing aloud if she can charge his electronic arrows, that way he can hack into Netflix to control the movies released there and watch whatever he damn pleases.

Ana says yes to that one, and they are both given looks of disapproval from Steve. Tony just looks exasperated with both of them, like they are children he's not paid to babysit. As Ana is signing to Clint is ASL about their plan, Bucky speaks up. He agrees with everyone, about her energy being tied to her emotions, and possibly she just hasn't used it to her full extent, but he says something else.

"Maybe, you are much stronger than you think you are. You not only pulled the energy straight from the air but the ground too, and drained him of his own. Maybe," Bucky looks at her, as if he's asking her not to be angry. "You do know the extent of it, that you can drain the life force out of people, and because you know that, you don't ever dabble in it. You keep it locked away, pressed down. Hidden, because you would never do that to anyone."

Ana feels the sudden change of emotions in the air, and she grips the arms of the chair. It's a possibility. Tony broke the long silence that fell over the room after Bucky's theory.  He then said it's something to look into, and that any mission in the near future, Ana will not be asked to help again, unless absolutely needed.

She grateful for that too.

***

 

"That was interesting. How long have you been sitting on that?" Ana questions Bucky during a late lunch once she finds him sitting out on the patio.

Bucky smiles at her, pushing his plate over as Ana gives him half her veggie chips. She likes them, just not the dark green ones.

"Not long." He answers, crunching into a chip. "You forget that I'm perceptive, darling. I was there that night remember? The thought just came to me the other night."

Ana hooks their ankles together under the table. She pushes her chips around her plate. "So, you think it's true then?"

He shrugs, reaching over to lace their fingers together. "I'm not sure. Energy is life and life is energy right? People have life and energy, if that is in fact, the same thing, then yes. Maybe."

Bucky squeezes her hand. "If it is true, that doesn't change how I feel about you, Ana. It just means no one should piss you off anymore."

A startled laugh emits from her. She was not expecting that. She ends up rolling her eyes at him as Bucky lifts her hand to his mouth. He kisses each knuckle, then pulls Ana forward to peck her lips, and that's precisely when Steve walks onto the patio, Ezra following closely behind. Steve's eyebrows shoot up in surprise. Ezra, the traitor, just jumps unto Bucky's lap and curls up to nap. Ana glares at her once furry cuddle buddy and ignores Steve's look of shock.

"Um." Steve awkwardly speaks up. "Did I miss something?"

"I guess now is a good time to tell him." Bucky states, a hint of a laugh in his voice.

"Yeah," Ana says, shaking her head and smiling. She gets up and grabs her plate. "I'll let you senior citizens talk about it."

"You realize-"

"Yes, babe, don't make it weird. Pep says my age range should be no more than ten years...whoops."

Ana waves her goodbye as she quickly leaves the patio, Bucky grumbling after her.

***

Two nights pass and Ana doesn't think she and Bucky will ever sleep in separate beds again. 

***

 

"So," Ana begins, taking a cautious sip of her coffee. 

Bucky hums his response as he drinks from his own mug.

"Stage Six." She continues, as Agent Erik Woods walks by and hands her a file. "Hang on," She tells Bucky.

She opens the file to reveal a slight medical breakthrough from the Medical Ward. Ana already knows this to be true, since her friend Telly was the first one to inform her about it. Attached is their emails on the subject, Telly's part highlighted in yellow from Ana's own markings. She credits Telly one-hundred percent and ask if she could rely the information to her team. She agreed.

The information contains research on using advance technical medical devices to be able to scan the brain and pull memories from people suffering from Alzheimer's and Dementia. It's still in the very early stages, but Telly thinks it is possible and has asked Ana to co-join in helping her research more.

She thanks Agent Woods and he leaves, barely saying a word to either of them. It's been a quiet morning anyway. Ana keeps the file and puts it in her desk drawer for now, locking it away. She explains it to Bucky, who perks up at the mention of it.

"Does that mean...?" Bucky fades off, almost too nervous to even think about it.

"That if it proves to be correct, we can use that device and help you with your memories as well? Yes." Ana beams at him.

He looks hopeful, happy, and it shines bright blue. The little crinkles are at the corner of his eyes as he smiles back at her. "So. Stage Six then?"

"If you're up for it."

He nods. "I really am."

"Today? Tomorrow?"

"Tomorrow." Bucky hops off the desk, and lean over, his lips brushing her ear. "I think I just want to kiss you breathless today."

Ana shivers and nods. Tomorrow it is then.

***

 

There's all kinds of energy sizzling in the air, and Ana cannot decipher it. She can't tell if it's nervousness from Bucky, or something else. Something she can't place her finger on. When she tries, it's gone and all that's left is anxiety. Bucky requests the metal bonds again, and despite the heaviness in the air that burns at Ana's lungs, he seems calm.

Ana allows her fingers to linger over his skin, allows herself to tuck his hair back behind his ear. It earns her a soft smile from Bucky and he pursues his lips as if he's giving her an air kiss. It's cute, it makes her heart flutter. She wishes she could perform every Session on the roof instead, away from wary eyes, and guards that still don't like him. Max is the only one who does like Bucky, and he isn't even in the room yet.

It's strange, and when Ana had text him of his whereabouts, his response was late. He had been called into a meeting with some of the guards. Apparently, they had to go over what happens if there's a breech on the far east side of the building. He promised he'd be there soon though.

"Ready?" Ana asks Bucky as she puts on her bracelet and activates it.

"As I'll ever be." He responds determined, giving her a nod.

The urge to kiss his anxiousness away is strong. Instead, she walks towards the table, not bothering with the damned red book anymore. She had memorized the words, anyway. She doesn't need someone else getting their hands on it. They get through the first three Trigger Words with little issue, and she presses forward on Bucky's approval.

Ana pauses at  _Rassvet_. It's this word,  _Daybreak_ , that usually causes difficulty for Bucky, but he seems to be doing alright for the moment. Only a little bit of discomfort, of struggle and he only twitches twice against the restraints. Ana smiles encouragingly at him, and he smiles back, breathing deeply. Taking it slow, means slowing down the triggering process. Gives him time to work through it. Gives Ana time to help him if he needs it. Bucky is doing good.

Ana is about to move one to the next two words, when the energy she felt beforehand hits her like an anvil to the chest. It makes her gasp, clutching at her chest briefly. She knew it. It wasn't just Bucky's nervous energy, but something else entirely. She's felt it for days. She feels it now, like whoever is doing this knew exactly how to immobilize her. It's intentional.

"Ana!? What's wrong?" Buck asks frantically, concerned. 

There's a sound as if he tries to reach out for her but can't. She’s about to wave her hand to tell him that she's fine and whatever it was is going away. 

That is, until the Triggers start over. A strange voice is coming through the speaker from the upper room, firing off with rapid words. Ana nearly snaps her neck turning around too fast to look at the room, utterly bewildered. The movement makes her head spin a little, but she sees only one guard and spots a little red symbol on his hand. It happens so fast that Ana, in her sudden hazy mind, finally catches on. He’s on the third word when Bucky reacts.

“No.” He whispers horrified from behind her.

“What the fuck are you doing!?” Ana shouts, looking back at Bucky for a moment. She can't breathe properly, sweat prickling at her neck.

“ _Rassvet!_

“Stop it!” Bucky yells, jerking against his seat and gritting his teeth.

Ana fights through her weakness and launches into action. She grabs the gun hidden under the table, ripping it from the tape and pointing at the window, flicking off the safety. She fires two shots, cracking the glass but not breaking it. The intruder continues.

_“Pech’! Devyat’!”_

Ana fires again, landing three more bullets in the same spot. Bucky’s bloodcurdling screams ripping from his throat behind her makes her turn back around. His head is thrown back and his expression contorts in pain. She is about to reach out for him, to change his own energy, but there isn't time. She has to stop the guard.

“ _Dobroserdechnyy_!”

Bucky pulls against the bonds, jerking in the chair. 

Ana presses a button on her bracelet. “FRIDAY, I need backup, the guard team has been compromised!” She releases the button. “Bucky, you can fight this! Remember what is real!”

She pockets the gun in her belt and slams her fit down on the table. It opens to reveal several weapons of choice, including a thick steel bo staff, enchanted with electrical current. She keeps that in mind. She grabs another gun, firing quickly. Only one bullet breaks through the glass but it isn't enough.

_“Vozvrashcheniye na rodinu!”_

Ana hears the restraints break, the crunching of metal in metal. There’s a shocking system embedded throughout the chair and she can activate it with her bracelet. She doesn’t, not yet. There’s loud bangs and rattling coming from the main door and for some reason, Max can’t get inside. The infiltrator must have locked it behind her.

Bucky rips off the first restraint off his right wrist. 

_“Odin!_

The second restraint is torn off. Ana grabs the shotgun, cocks it and aims at the glass. She fires just as the last word is shouted.

“ _Gruzovoy vagon!”_

The glass finally shatters, the noise deafening as it explodes, raining down on the levels. The sound of the last bond is lost with the tinkering glass. Ana can’t tell if she killed him or not, and at the moment it’s not important. She slowly turns around, lowering her gun.

For the first time, The Winter Soldier is standing in front of her. His chest is expanding with deep breathes. His face is expressionless, emotionless, his blue eyes vacant as he stares straight at her; cold and dark. Bucky has to be fighting against it. She has to believe that. Has to believe and trust that all the progress he’s made so far will break him out of this. Then comes the same voice that triggered this.

_“Soldat?”_

She missed. He must have ducked out of the way just in time, and she fucking missed. She is an excellent shot and marksman, and  _she fucking missed._

“Bucky.” Ana says softly, reaching out her hand. The energy that nearly crippled her is gone.

“Gotovy soblyudat.” Bucky responds. Voice cold, rough and mechanical.

Ana’s heart drops to her feet. 

“ _Ubey yeye_. Kill her."

Three things happened simultaneously. Ana drops the shotgun, pulls the hand gun from her belt and aims at the man in the room; he falls with a loud thud. The lock on main door finally breaks. Bucky kicks the chair so hard, it flies to the door to barricade them in. Then he advances on her, slowly, calculating, and it’s terrifying. 

When he’s close enough he halts, looking down at her. Ana places her right palm over his heart. Bucky brings his metal, robotic hand up, fingers closing around her wrist. Slowly, she tries reading his energy, sizzling dark and chaotic around him. She attempts to transmute her own onto him.

“Feel what is inside your heart, Bucky.” She reminds him quietly, pleading with her eyes. There has to be a reason why he’s hesitating. 

A second later, his eyes narrow and he squeezes her wrist, around the bracelet. It activates an electrical current, that shoots up his arm and essentially shocks the rest of his body. It’s just the right element of surprise from him to let go and stumble back. Ana takes her chance. 

She pulls the steel bo staff from the table and swings it around blocking Bucky’s punch just in time. He comes at her with an upper kick from his right and she dodges it. She twists the weapon, slamming her elbow against his chin, knocking his head up. Ana hooks her boot behind his knee, pushing him off balance, except Bucky grabs her arm and she goes tumbling down with him. He flips her over, landing on her back, the wind knocked out of her. 

Bucky rolls over, hand reaching out for her neck, but Ana smashes the bo into his chest. It knocks him off course again as she scrambles to get up. Something seems off about it his fighting. She quickly recalls the footage she’s seen of him. A ruthless, cold blooded assassin, not holding back until he completes his mission, and right now that mission is to kill her. However, it's almost seems like he’s holding back, pulling his punches and kicks. Like he was doing during their sparing match.

“Bucky, I know you’re fighting it!” Ana calls, ducking as he takes another swing at her.

She jabs a punch to his rib cage, but he’s able to get a good grip on her arm again and he twists it behind her back. His other arm coming across her chest, hand around her neck. She grits her teeth in pain, then uses it against him. She clenches her core and lifts her legs into the air, quickly kicks them down and bends, bringing her upper body forward, flipping him.

Bucky lands in a crouch, and the gun she usually has hidden, strapped to her chest clutters to the floor. Right next to his foot. He picks it up, straightening up slowly. He holds it level, aiming directly at Ana's chest. There’s a split second where he hesitates, then fires.

There’s a scream of pain. Ana turns her head to the second level, seeing where Bucky aimed at. He didn’t shoot her. She’s standing five feet from him, gun in hand,  _and he didn’t shoot her._

Instead, he shot one of the guards finally coming through the second door. The bullet only hit his biceps and a surge of hope surges up Ana’s spine. Then Bucky literally throws the gun at her. She moves out of the way, and it proves to be a good distraction because he advances on her again. He knocks the bo from her grasp, catching her fists in his left hand. Ana locks her stance down, causing a good resistance as Bucky tries to push her backwards. There’s gunfire to their left, and Bucky ducks, the bullet missing by a few inches.

“Stop!” Ana screams. “I’ve got this! Hold your fire!”

Bucky picks up the bo and flings into the room. It hits the guard thus the head, falling to the ground with a thud. Ana throws all caution to the wind, and grabs Bucky’s face between her hand as he corners her against the wall. There’s a slight break to his cold glare. 

“This is not you, Bucky. You know who you are. Come back to me.”

Bucky grits his teeth, squeezing his eyes shut. God, he’s in there and fighting it. It must be the hardest struggling, and it doesn’t win this time. His hands grab her hips, metal fingers digging into her skin, he pulls her close to his body, lifts and flips her over his head. Ana had grabbed onto his wrist while in the air and they both go down hard. 

Ana gasps, because that fucking hurt and she lost all the air in her lungs. White spots are popping in her vision, and she's not sure, but she might just gotten whiplash. She’s too slow to get up, and Bucky is suddenly crouching over her, right hand around her throat. His raises his left arm high, bringing it down. Ana closes her eyes, flinching in anticipation. There’s a loud crack right next to her ear and she feels her head drop a few inches. 

When she opens her eyes, she’s staring up at the ceiling. She turns her head slightly, and Bucky’s hair is covering his face, right next to hers. His hand is relaxed against her neck, posing no threat, his thumb gently stroking her pulse point. His lifts his head, and she can see his fist has literally punched a hole in the floor. 

His face hovers over hers, just barely grazing their noses together. His hair falls over his cheeks, nearly blocking them from view. Bucky is staring into her eyes, his own shinning with confliction. He moves his hand up her neck, his fingertips brushing over her bottom lip. 

“One.” Bucky murmurs. “Two. Three. Four.” 

Ana frowns confusingly at him, but she doesn’t say anything. 

“Five, six," He breathes, eyes shifting back and forth. It dawns on her; he is counting the dots in her eyes. "Seven, eight, nine.” 

Bucky exhales. "Real?” He murmurs.

Ana nods slightly, lips burning under his touch. She parts her mouth on an intake of air, Bucky’s fingers slowly trailing down her chin. Brings his touch over her neck again, delicate and careful, coming to rest over her heart. He releases a shuddering breath, then rests his forehead against her cheek. She brings her hand up to the back of his head, hair falling between her fingers. 

“You’re the realest thing in my life.”

Ana’s breath hitches. The moment is broken though, when she sees Max standing over them, gun in hand. She holds up the all good signal, and he motions to someone she can’t see. Ana scrunches her fingers against Bucky’s scalp and calms him. She wraps her free arm around his back, closing her eyes and feeling the energy. The darkness is gone, so she transmutes what she can. It's difficult, she can barely find anything that's positive around them at the moment. Instead, she focuses on feeling proud of him. That Bucky actually broke through the trigger, broke free from his Winter Solider and despite his seemingly one tracked brainwashed mind, still protected Ana.

She conveys all of her own feelings of hope, of pride, and at the same time, pulls every ounce of negative energy from Bucky as she can. She can feel her own begin to drain, can feel it leave her body, but that isn't important. She doesn't care what happens to her now, all she needs to do is help the man trembling in her arms.

It takes a while to hear, but Bucky is whispering his apologizes over and over again. His breath is hitting her face, and something wet lands on her lips. She absentmindedly licks it away, tasting of salt. He can't be crying, because Ana is transferring all of her own happiness to him.

If Bucky thinks she can literally drain the life force out of someone, why not herself? Why not try and give everything she has to him, to clear his mind. To calm his heart, to stop the trembling against her skin and the tears she licks away from her lips. Ana can feel her grip loosening; she isn't willingly doing it. Bucky must notice.

"Don't. Annie, stop it." He begs her softly, his voice normal but thick. "Not for me."

"Always." Ana pants, her eyes fluttering. "For you."

" _Annie_..." Bucky pleads, his voice cracking. "Please stop."

Ana closes her eyes as she feels Bucky graze his lips over hers. His fingers press against her skin.

"S-Steve, stop her."

There's a firm hand on the top of her head and her concentration nearly breaks as she feels a new energy interfere. New emotions she can feel are seeping into her skin and Ana inhales sharply, finally ceasing what she is doing. She hears words being spoken frantically. She feels gentle fingertips over the side of her neck.

Ana fights to keeps her eyes open, blinking them quickly to clear the fuzziness away. She can't pass out now, she has Bucky to focus on. Bucky to take care of. Bucky to make sure he didn't injure himself. Bucky who probably feels guilty. Bucky who's is currently helping her sit up. Slow and steady. 

It's Bucky's face Ana is holding between her hands. "Okay?"

He presses his forehead against hers, his skin clammy against her own. "Yes, love. Max is going to take care of you now."

She can't be sure if she shakes her head or even responds. Either way, Bucky continues to speak as Ana is shifted around. She can't see around her, as she only has eyes for Bucky at the moment.

"I have to go. He'll take care of you." He tells her. Ana feels warm lips on her skin. "I'll be back."

Then all contact between her and Bucky is broken. Ana has no idea where he is, or who took him or what is going to happen. She doesn't get to drive herself insane with questions, for she blacks out the moment Bucky's fingers leave her skin.

 

********************************************************************************************

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ....dont you love the foreshadowing I did there.....
> 
> Thank you for reading! <3


	39. Chapter 39

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Silly self deprecating people aka, angst if you squint.

When Ana wakes up, it's too bright lights, a pounding headache and Pepper's relieved blue eyes. The moment Ana realizes it isn't a dream and her cousin is actually hovering over her, she sits up quickly, wrapping her arms around her. Pepper immediately returns the hug, squeezing around the middle of her back, the only place that doesn't feel sore.

"Don't think this hug means you're getting away with anything." Pepper threatens, but her voice is soft and loving; worried.

"What are you doing here?" Ana questions breathlessly, clenching her eyes shut. She feels tears burning in them. She just missed her.

"Had a meeting in Rochester when Tony called." She answers, pulling back. Her eyes roam over Ana's face. "Are you feeling alright? _Are_ you alright? Do you need anything? Medicine, tea, a shot? I know Janice gives you one with a vitamin blend, but I can make you a juice or something. Oh, maybe some dark chocolate will help."

"Pep." Ana smiles softly at her. She loves that they share the same trait of rambling. "I'm fine, just sore."

"Good." Pepper's concerned expression morphs into a hard, serious one. "Because I am going to kick that man's ass."

Sighing, Ana pushes her hair back, fingers getting caught in a few knots. "It's not his fault. Actually, Bucky-"

"I'm not talking about Bucky." Pepper interrupts a small smile on her lips. "I meant that agent who triggered him."

Ana's brain suddenly hurts. She sort of forgot that's how this all started. She shifts, and a dull ache shoots through her entire upper back. Right. She was basically body slammed onto concrete. When she tilts her head back, another pain, a sharp one, stabs at her neck. Great, Bucky will probably never touch her again, let alone come near her. She needs to find him. She needs to tell him that it wasn't his fault.  _It's hers_.

"Where is he? Bucky?" Ana asks. pressing her fingers to the back of her neck. It feels swollen. 

"Before you get all knife happy and threaten Tony, which is always entertaining. Just know that he voluntarily went to him first."

Ana feels her eyes widen in shock. "What?"

Pepper nods, her eyebrows twitching down. "He said, and I quote " _Alright. Just blow it off_." Talking about his arm."

"He didn't." She whispers aghast. "Did he?"

"No. Instead, Tony just briefed him on what happened with that undercover agent. Which is what he will explain to you." Pepper places her hand to Ana's cheek. "I just needed to make sure you were alright."

Nodding, Ana says. "I am. I missed you though."

"Me too, Buggy, me too."

Ana scrunches her nose up at the old nickname. She just liked lady bugs when she was a child, and Pepper just seemed to stick with the name. Ana ends up shifting over in the bed to make room for Pepper. She falls back to sleep cuddled up against her older cousin, reveling in the sense of comfort and family. 

***

 

Later, Tony, Steve, Sharon and Natasha sit Ana down after she leaves the medical ward. Janice only released her when her vitals here normal and informed her that it took nearly 24 hours for them to even pass for normal. Natasha is holding a large, cold gel compress to the middle of Ana's upper back. They inform her that the man responsible was in fact a Hydra agent who had been under cover for a while; since the first fall of SHIELD in 2014. The information makes Ana's heart sink in her chest, and her mind wonders to Bucky. She hasn't seen him at all. She wonders if he knows of this, if he is currently panicking and she isn't there to calm him.

Sharon tells her that the Hydra agent was apprehended and is locked up in a jail far from the compound. He is being questioned at the moment, and Agent Hill is double checking SHIELD agents at the facility. It doesn't do much to calm her racing heart; all Ana can think about is Bucky.

Natasha inquires what had happened, on why Ana was affected the way she was. The question makes Ana refocus her attention on the meeting, instead of wondering if Bucky is currently trying to run from this place. If he is trying to escape out the bathroom window. She wouldn't blame him. She would be terrified if she thought she was free, thought she was safe, only to find out it was all false. Only to find out that someone who had promised him over and over that he was safe here, had broken it. It's her fault that this happened.

"I think," Ana ends up saying, "They figured out if they channel their own negative energy, I feel it. It's happened before. Jared Sharp has done it. It's like a freight train, and a bus, and an airplane all hit me. I felt like I couldn't breathe. It slowed me down."

It's quiet after her answer. Ana ends up making eye contact with Steve. He explains, due to the breech and the fact that Bucky broke out of mind control, that he was not going to be locked up. He didn't kill anyone, and Ana inputs that she nearly did, willingly. She learns that she did injure the Agent, enough to where he lost blood at an alarming rate.

She has no remorse or guilt over it. Just regrets that she didn't kill him. She keeps that rather dark thought to herself.

***

 

After the meeting, where Ana began tuning out their words, she sits in her room, alone. She feels a crushing guilt sitting on her chest, constricting her heart. It was all her fault. She should have known something was wrong. That something was going to happen and how she just should have fought through whatever it was that weakened her. She should have reacted faster, and it would have prevented the triggering.

She suddenly feels like she failed Bucky. Her promises of him being safe with her, being safe here was all a lie. She failed him. Despite thinking, knowing and feeling that, Ana still ends up in front of Bucky's door. When she knocks, there's no answer. When she calls out for him, there is no response.

Bucky doesn't come out for meals, and he doesn't emerge from his room at all. Ana has things to tell him, to reassure him that it isn't his fault; it's hers. She doesn't get one single response, and to be honest, she feels a little hurt, but she understands. She knows Bucky is hiding from her, but it stings. She misses him. She misses his warmth, his arms, his kisses, his breath against her skin.

Ana is exhausted, mentally, emotionally, physically, but she can't sleep. She doesn't want to think about another compromised session. So, she boxes at night, against Wanda telling her it's a bad idea and she'll just prolong the healing of the bruises. She does it anyway. Wanda silently keeping her company at the gym.

Three days pass without seeing or hearing from Bucky.

***

 

Ana has her laptop on her thighs, screen open to an email reply she has yet to finish to Telly. Her mind keeps wondering back to Bucky, as it has been for the past three days. If he doesn't come out soon, Ana will kick down his door and make him. She sighs, trying to refocus on the email, when a door opens from the hallway. Bucky suddenly appears, walking quickly toward the couch. She barely has time to feel shocked.

"Do it again." Bucky says, sitting down next to her. He has a determined expression set on his face. His beautiful face, with dark bags under his eyes, and his hair tangled. As if he has been pulling at it constantly. Ana can relate.

She is extremely confused. "Do what again?" She raises an eyebrow.

"The stage, the Deprogramming. I want you to do it again."

"No."

"Why not?" He frowns, and it really shouldn't be attractive, but his pouty lips makes everything he does be attractive. She hasn't seen him for three days.

She missed him, but no. Ana shuts her laptop and put it’s on the coffee table. "Because I don't think you're ready."

"What?"

"That stage was only compromised three days ago." Ana informs him, as if he doesn't know this. "Someone, somehow was able to sneak in under the radar for a while, and trigger you. You just held yourself up in your room afterwards. What if something happens again, and you decided to lock yourself away for a week rather than three days. Three days, Bucky. You didn't talk to anyone, not Steve, or...me. You didn't talk to me at all. Why didn't you talk to me?"

Bucky says nothing, eyes dropping from her gaze to his lap. He is wringing his hands together, and she doesn't need to feel his energy to know he's anxious. 

"We're going back to not telling each other things, then? Fine!" Ana snaps. "I thought we were way past that now. But how many times have I told you that if we don't tell each other things this isn't going to work. If so, then no. I am not doing it again."

"Is that the real reason, or is it because you think I'm fragile?" Bucky questions quietly. He sounds timid. When he looks back at her, his blue eyes pierce through her.

Ana can't help but react like he just slapped her. A sudden surge of anger, that's probably building off the fact that this is the first time Bucky is actually speaking to her in the past three days, rises up in her. She can feel her expression harden, her heart beat kicking up a notch.

" _Fragile_?" Ana snears hotly. "Since when have I ever treated you like you were fragile? Not once. Not once since you got here, and you think now I'm treating you like a broken piece of glass? Are you fucking kidding me?"

"No." He answers shortly.

Ana has a rather nasty retort on her tongue, when she sees his jaw clench. She pays more attention to his expression, or lack there of, instead of her anger. She notices the little details of his face now. His mouth is pinched at the corners, and there's a strange tightness around his eyes. Ana's mouth drops open because it clicks.

"Wow." She says, chuckling humorlessly. "I see it now. You're trying to make me angry with you. Amazing."

Bucky doesn't say anything and that confirms it.

Ana nods. "Why the hell are you doing that?"

"I hurt you." He admits, like that's a good enough exercise for him acting like an idiot. 

"You hurt me? That's your excuse?" She rolls her eyes, her anger seeping out of her. "You didn't hurt me, Bucky."

A sad smiles flashes across his mouth. He leans forward, reaching his right hand behind her back, gently pressing his fingers on her shoulder blade. Ana involuntarily flinches, hissing through her teeth, which only makes Bucky's face fall more. He carefully pulls down the back of her shirt, enough to see the top half of the bruise. It's dark purple, and blue, nearly black in some places, splotched across her skin.

"It sure looks like I did." He mutters sadly. He sounds heartbroken.

Ana grabs his wrist taking his hand away. "Are you trying to punish yourself because I have a bruise? To prove you wrong about me thinking you're fragile...are you fucking crazy?"

"You can't tell me that's not from fighting me." Bucky argues. "I did that."

"It's not. It's from landing on my back on the floor."

"That I slammed you down on!"

"Don't give yourself more of an ego boost, Sergeant Snowflake. It wasn't that hard, plus you were holding back. If you really wanted to do damage, you would have. In fact, if you wanted to shoot me you could have. I was standing right in front of you, but you didn't. You held back, because you were fighting it more than you were fighting me!"

He frowns at her. Ana shakes her head, grabs the front of his shirt and pulls him close to her face. "Stop punishing yourself for something that's out of your control. Stop punishing yourself because I have a bruise on my body, because in case you haven't noticed with all your self-deprecation, I'm not fragile either."

Ana releases his shirt, but he remains close. At least the sadness is gone from his eyes. Bucky tilts his head forward until their foreheads are pressed together; it's becoming their thing. He cups her jaw with his right hand, swiping his thumb along her cheekbone. Ana's eyes flutter, but she keeps them open. How will she ever be able to survive if she can't go three days without this touch.

"I'm sorry." He murmurs. He gently takes her hand away from his shirt. He brings her hand to his mouth, pressing a light kiss to her skin.

"You should be, but not for the triggering." Ana retorts just as softly. "You don't need to make me angry, and you really need to stop punishing yourself."

She notices his bottom lip is puffier than usual, so she gently raises her finger to his lip, pulling it down slightly. There's a small cut just on the inside of his lip, red, scabbed and healing. She moves her finger from his lip to the underside of his chin and presses. There's a little bump beneath his soft facial hair. She tilts his chin up, presses a gentle kiss to the spot.

"Should I punish myself for these?" Ana questions, pulling back.

"None of this is your fault." He tells her, brushing her hair back.

Ana disagrees, but she keeps that to herself. "Please don't hide from me again, Bucky."

"I just," He begins, moving his left hand to her neck. "Couldn't face you."

The cool touch of his metal fingers feels nice against her neck, soothing the dull ache there. Ana allows herself a moment to revel in his touch. Then, she remembers her own guilt, her stomach twisting as she realizes this wouldn't have happened if she just done her job. She if just stopped that Agent.

Abruptly, Ana stands from the couch, ignoring her muscles screaming in pain, the ache in her back. Bucky looks surprised and baffled, his hands hovering in the air of where Ana was just sitting. He frowns up at her, tilting his head. She watches as something dawns in his eyes, he blue of his irises flashing 

"I think," Ana begins before she can allow herself to place that look in his eyes. "That instead of repeating it, we should perform a healing session first."

Bucky blinks, slowly dropping his hand. He rubs his thighs nervously. "Healing session?"

"Yes." Ana nods, then quickly stops. It hurts. "I think your vibe is off right now, your whole…” She gestures to his body. “Mine too. So, a healing session is needed. It'll help get your mind refocused. Help calm any anxieties you may have right now. Is that okay?"

"Where?" He asks, apprehension in his voice.'

"The Medical Ward, of course. Janice will be there, so it'll just be the three of us."

He nods again, chewing his lip for a moment. "Alright."

"Right." Ana pulls her eyes away from his. Suddenly, she feels like she can't look directly at him. She's suggesting this session because she is the main reason he needs it. "We can start now or tomorrow or-"

"Now. Please. The sooner the better." Bucky tells her.

Ana takes a few steps back. "I'll inform Janice and we can head down there."

She doesn't wait for a response, just turns and leaves Bucky sitting alone on the couch.

***

 

They enter the Medical Ward, and the second Ana sits Bucky down on a bed, she is gone. She pulls her guiding touch back so quickly, Bucky wonders for one wild second if he somehow burned her. He watches her with worried eyes as she whirls around the room. Her movements remind him of the first day he saw her. How it looked like she was dancing around the room, gathering files. It's what she is doing now.

Bucky is so focused on watching Ana, that it takes him a moment to realize someone is next to him. It's Janice, an on call nurse who had treated Ana, and himself before. She smiles kindly at him; her dark red wispy hair is gathered away from her face. She's an older woman, fine lines detailing her face, and her eyes look as if she has seen a lot more than she ever would working here. As experienced and tired her eyes look, there is no hint of fear in the green of her irises. Janice begins to plug in little chords to a machine, turning it on and waiting.

Bucky clears his throat. "Erm, Nurse Janice?"

"I told you, Mr. Barnes. Just Janice will do." She reminds him gently, untangling two chords.

"Janice, was Ana brought here after..." He trails off, frowning.

She seems to understand though. "She was." Her deep green eyes float over to where Ana is reading over a file. "Took some time to get her vitals back up. She wouldn't want me telling you this, but since you seem to be the only one of the two of you truly concerned for her well-being. What she did was dangerous. Extremely. Everything dropped. Her pulse, her oxygen, her blood pressure."

A sickening knot twists in the pit of his stomach. "Did you give her those vitamins?"

"I did. Also gave her something Dr. Banner and Mr. Stark came up with. It worked rather quickly. She was on her feet after a day."

He keeps his eyes on Ana as she beings to make her way over to them. "Any other injuries?"

"I think you already know that answer. Mainly the contusion on her upper back, bruised her scapula’s."

"The bones are bruised too?" He swallows thickly.

"Mildly. Mild whiplash as well. She did land on solid concrete. Nothing some rest and ice won't heal. Try getting her into that mineral bath in there, Mr. Barnes. It will do her some good. She hasn't slept in three days."

Shocked, Bucky whips his head towards her. He didn't know that. He didn't know that Ana had stayed awake for 72 hours just like he had. He wants to ask Janice if she knows more, but Ana reaches them. She doesn't make eye contact with him, instead she just tugs at his shirt.

"Should he take it off, Jan?" Ana inquires, like Bucky isn't sitting right in front of her. "Would it be easier?"

"That's up to him, Ms. Rios." Janice answers, hitting a few buttons on the machine.

Ana nods. "Do you mind, Bucky?"

At least she calls him by his name. Bucky quickly takes his shirt off, but Ana still isn't looking at him. Janice places little white pads on his chest and the crook of his elbow. Ana walks away again. It continues like that for the next five minutes. Ana just refuses to make eye contact, and although she isn't completely ignoring him, it makes his heart pound painfully against his chest.

That makes the machines go off and Ana is coming back with a file in her hands. She rambles on to Janice that since Bucky is a super soldier with serum laced in his veins, his heart rate is lower. She points to the file she's holding, saying it matches the same speed as Steve's does.

His vitals keep climbing though and Janice levels him with a look. She beckons Ana over once more. She observes the numbers, then sighs, snapping another file shut. She hands it to Janice, who just glares at her. Janice knows. Janice sees the way Ana is avoiding him too, and it makes his stomach churn uncomfortably.

"You gotta calm down, Bucky." Ana tells him casually. "I can't do the healing session if your pulse is through the roof, even by your standards."

Something snaps inside him. "How can I when you're not even fucking looking at me!?"

Janice nods, then leaves quickly. Bucky tugs the little sticky pads off his skin, putting his shirt back on. Finally, pulling her gaze away from the screen, Ana makes eye contact. Bucky has never seen them so dark before, like a storm brewing. 

"I haven't been ignoring you." She states.

"I didn't say that. I said you weren't looking at me. How come?"

Ana doesn't even keep their eyes locked for thirty seconds before she's looking elsewhere. "I need air."

She suddenly turns on her feet and leaves, walking towards a side exit door. Bucky is quick to follow her, not letting her go that easy. He wants to grab her arm, but he has a feeling that won't go over well. Ana leads him outside to a small balcony. The weather is nice out, a crisp cool wind brushing against his skin.

"Ana!" Bucky calls. She stops and turns, her eyes staring over his shoulder. He hates it. "You're angry at me, aren't you?”

"No." She says flatly.

"You're scared of me. Terrified." Bucky whispers, that twisting in his stomach is back.

She shakes her head. "No."

"Really? Because you won't even look me in the eyes."

Finally, Ana does just that. She looks straight at him. "I'm not angry or terrified of you. I'm angry and disappointed in myself!" She abruptly snaps, her voice wavering.

Bucky can feel his shoulders drop, the tension seeping out of his muscles. He's been blaming himself for the past three days, trying to keep away from her so he wouldn't hurt her again. Seeing the discoloration on her smooth skin, watching as she moves cautiously, gingerly, makes Bucky sick to his stomach. He just never thought that Ana would be feeling the same.

"You think this is all your fault," Ana whispers, twisting her hands together. "But it's not. None of it is. It's mine, Bucky. All mine."

"Ana." He frowns, reaching out to take her hand. "It's not your fault at all."

She steps back before he can make contact. "Yes! Yes, it is. I could've done something different. I could've acted quicker. I could have ignored the energy and focused on stopping him instead. But I didn't, and I fucking  _missed every shot_. I never miss! I missed, and I could have done more and because I didn't, because I failed, you were triggered. I sent you back to that dark place. I'm the one who made you feel like you are now, scared to even come near me for three whole days. I'm the one that set you back to the beginning. _I'm_ the one who failed you, Bucky."

The painfully beating heart in Bucky's tightening chest falls to his feet. This is all wrong. It is all so fucking wrong. Ana should not be standing in front of him, looking like she just pulled ground from beneath him. Her lips are trembling, the muscle at her jaw is jumping, her hands now clenched into fists are shaking. She's still looking at him, but her beautiful brown eyes are so dark, he can't see the little golden spots in her eyes. He loves those little specks of gold; they grounded him. It's what brought him back to her.

Bucky takes a step forward. Ana doesn't move away this time. "Annie."

"Don't." Ana pleads quietly, her voice cracking. She drops her head, wrapping her arms around her body. "Please don't call me that using that voice."

"What voice?" He asks, suddenly confused. He reaches out with both his hands, gently placing them on her shoulders.

"The one you use when you think I've done no wrong."

Bucky just pulls her close to his chest, careful of her healing bruises between her shoulder blades. He wants to spend hours gently kissing every inch of the contusions. To kiss any pain, every doubt, every feeling of guilt she has away. Instead, he just cradles her head to his chest, sinking his fingers into her soft hair.

"You did not fail me." He tells her firmly. "You didn't let me down or disappoint me, or whatever else you may be thinking in that pretty little head of yours. You are the one that brought me back. I broke out of it because of you, Ana."

He hears a soft sniff. Bucky leans back enough to see her. He moves his hands to her cheeks, cupping her face in his palms, making sure she can't look anywhere else. She isn't crying, not yet, but she looks close. Her eyes are glistening, lashes fluttering like she's trying to hold back tears.

"Everything you have done so far has worked." Bucky says lowly, hoping to convey how true it all is. "The sessions, the good ones, the bad ones. Our talks. Your empathetic healing, your energy transmutations, grounding techniques. The way you just touch me, Ana. The way you are always able to bring me back to reality. Bring me back to what's real, right in front of me. That is all you. 

"I wouldn't have been able to fight against it, to break free at all if it wasn't for  _you_. So, my sweet, beautiful, Ana. You have not failed me. It is _not_ your fault."

Bucky tilts her head up and presses his lips firmly to hers. It's been three long days without the feel of her warm, soft lips against his, and that's own his fault. He couldn't face her so soon after hurting her, though he had no idea that Ana had been feeling the same, worse even. Ana inhales sharply through her nose, her hands coming up to wrap her fingers around his wrists.

She doesn't push him away, instead it feels like she melts against his chest. She allows him to kiss her slowly, tentatively. It's only been three days, but he has missed the taste of her on his lips. He missed wrapping his arms around her, and even though he can't seem to protect her from himself, Bucky will do everything else in his power to protect her from others. Including her own thoughts.

"I'm sorry." Ana is mumbling against his mouth.

"Shhh, s'not your fault." Bucky responds. He kisses her twice more, then rests his forehead on hers. "I'm sorry too, though. I shouldn’t have pulled away from you."

Ana shakes her head and Bucky smiles despite himself. "Do you want to do this healing session today? Janice said you hadn't slept the past three days."

"I'll be fine." She assures him, taking a step back to look at him properly. God, he missed those eyes. "It's not a strenuous as the energy thing."

"If you're sure." He says, swiping his thumbs along her cheekbones. "Don't push yourself"

There's a tiny smile playing on her lips. Then Ana steps into him again, wrapping her arms around his waist and squeezing. The scent of flowers and rain fills his nose, and Bucky makes to hug her the best he can.

"Can we just stay like this for a bit?" Ana whispers into his chest. Her warm breath fanning over his shirt.

Bucky kisses the top of her head. "Yeah, sweetheart. I've got you." He promises. 

He closes his eyes and just revels in this moment, holding the woman he is falling hard for in his arms.

 

***************************************************************************************

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was a long chapter, and as I now have two days off and no plans.... :D
> 
> As always, thank you for reading and commenting! <3


	40. Chapter 40

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Have some marshmallow fluff of fluffy fluff...mostly.

Once they're back inside, the air getting a little too chilly for Ana, she sits Bucky down again. She ignores Janice's reprimanding look, Ana knowing full well it's because of how she was acting. She makes sure the little monitoring devices are sticking properly to Bucky's skin. 

She reads his vitals on the screen, all seeming normal until Ana places her hand on his chest. A little smile graces her lips as she watches the numbers of his heart rate slowly climb up. When she looks back at him, Bucky has a sheepish look on his face. He shrugs, putting his right hand over hers.

"That's what happens when I'm around you. That's what you do to me." Bucky confesses, keeping his voice low.

The deep rumble of his tone shoots straight through Ana's body, settling deep into her bones and sends a shiver up her spine. It's the voice she has noticed he uses when they're alone, typically when they are alone in bed, naked and pressed together. Ana is suddenly glad she isn't the one hooked up to the machines, otherwise they'd probably go haywire.

Leaning over, Ana kisses his lips, keeping it soft and sweet. She feels his heart pounding in his chest, feels his warm breath fanning against her cheeks. There's a quiet beeping noise from her left, the machine signaling that Bucky's vitals are spiking a little high. Ana chuckles against his mouth. 

"Gotta calm down there, Soldier." She whispers into his lips. Bucky brings his left hand to her hip, gently squeezing a part of her that isn't sore. She kisses him three more times, then pulls back.

"Right. I probably shouldn't touch you while doing this." She chuckles.

"Can't help it." Bucky says, shrugging unashamed.

Ana rolls her eyes fondly, gently tugging at his hair. She takes his bionic hand in hers, kissing each metal knuckle before placing his hand back on his thigh. She instructs him to do his breathing counts to calm himself. After several seconds, the beeping dies down, and the monitors seem to be satisfied.

"Alright," Ana begins, "Normally during Healing Sessions, I tell whoever I'm working with to think of something that relaxes them. Something that grounds them, that makes them feel at home, or something that makes them happy. Then I'll reach out for those feelings, keep that positivity around them longer."

"Wait." Bucky pipes up, his eyebrows twitching together. "You're not going to switch my energy around, are you? You can't, Ana. Not after-"

Ana shakes her head. "No, no. Not this time, I promise. God, Pepper would kill me, and she would leave her meeting to march over here and- no."

"I met her." Bucky says, his eyes widening slightly.  It's the classic look of someone who just met her cousin.

Ana rubs her lips together to keep from laughing. "Was she harsh?"

Bucky quickly shakes her head. "Not at all. Well, she sort of yelled at me when I told Stark to..." He trails off.

"To blow your arm off?" She finishes for him, narrowing her eyes and crossing her arms. "Yeah, about that, mister."

A smirk pulls at his lips. "I've already had one lovely Potts woman tell me off because- _"how would that make Ana feel when she wakes up"_. I'd really not want to endure another."

Ana drops her arms, and smiles. "Made you sweat a little bit, didn't she?"

"For some reason, you dames forget you are threatening an elite super solider."

"She made you sweat."

Bucky's eyes widen again as he nods. Ana laughs. "Alright. Healing time."

"Yes."

"I won't use energy for this, but I am going to try something a little different. Janice is close by in case anything happens. To you or me, if it becomes overwhelming." Ana takes a breath. "I want to go through the trigger words."

She's gets the exact reaction she expected from Bucky. His expression morphs into a worried, nearly outraged look, but she quickly holds her hands up.

"Slowly." She promises him. "This isn't in the lab or that room, Bucky. We're going to take this as slow as possible. It's just me, well, and Janice, here, but I locked the doors and Max is standing down the hallway just in case. As is Sam, because he's suddenly protective at the moment."

"It's for you." Bucky tells her, craning his neck to see if he can spot Sam.

"Actually, I think he's here for you, Bucky. Don't think I haven't seen that friendship forming." 

Bucky shrugs casually. Ana really wants to kiss him again, but that will make Janice scold her like a three-year-old who can't keep their hands off candy. Well, maybe she can't. Ana grabs a stray stool, rolling it over and sitting down in front of Bucky.

"So. I've been thinking it over since I read those words." Ana informs him, bringing Bucky's focus back to her. "I'm not sure if each word has a meaning as to why they choose them. They could just be random, or not. I won't even begin to understand the minds of those psychotic, disgusting, horrible, heartless, soulless, pieces of shit that-"

"Annie." Bucky interrupts her softly. There's a sad smile on his lips.

"Sorry." Ana shakes her head and exhales. "I want to try to associate these words with meaning, but in a good way. Eventually, I want you to be able to hear those words, and ground yourself. So you're able to take back control of your own mind. We don't have a fancy machine here yet to help with that, but we have something better."

Bucky quirks his right eyebrow.

Ana smiles. "Willpower. Drive. That fight inside you that never faded away. We are going to use that instead."

"There you go with that faith of yours again." He quips, a soft laugh escaping his mouth like he still can't believe it.

"It's never changed." She tells him firmly. "Ready to begin?"

Ana knows those triggers words by heart now. It's much safer than carrying that book around. She glances at the high-tech screen of the monitors, double checking that Bucky is in a state of calm. Everything looks fine, and when she looks back at him, he's giving her an assuring smile.

"You need to take a nap after this." He tells her, keeping his vice soft.

"With you?"

Bucky's smile widens. "If you want."

Ana nods, returning his smile. "All these words obviously have definitions. Despite that, people tend to take words and make it their own, or associate the words with meaning. It can be an object, a feeling, a person, a memory, anything. That first word translates into; Longing."

Bucky nods along as he listens to her. She takes note of his expressions, keeping a sharp eye on anything that might be painful for him.

"Do you have a longing for something, Bucky?" She questions quietly. "Maybe something you want. Or something you miss?"

It takes a while for Bucky to consider her question. Which is good, it's fine, since they are in no rush here, and the sole purpose of this is to help heal him in any way. A distant look washes over his eyes, as if he's getting lost in sea of long faded memories. The machine doesn't deep, Bucky's vitals still relaxed, but Ana begins to feel a prickling at her skin.

It's not negative, per say, it feels more like...sadness. Feels like a dull ache of something that used to be a painful wound but has faded into a scar. A phantom pain, almost. It feels like the pain of someone moving on from a lost loved one. Moving on, but never forgetting that ache in the heart. Ana understands that feeling all too well.

"Family." Bucky murmurs. His voice matches the distance in his eyes. His lashes flutter as he makes eye contact with Ana. "I think I long for my family. It's been decades, and realistically I know they're long gone by now, but..." He shakes his head as if he's shake memories away. "When I can gather those memories, I miss them. I long for them to know I'm here now, safe, with you."

Ana wasn't expecting that last part, and she can't help the beat her heart just skipped. Bucky chuckles quietly.

"I remember, talking to my youngest sister about that Expo where-" His smile drops for a moment, guilt flashing his eyes, "Howard Stark showed off that floating car. I wish I could have brought her with me, but it was past her bedtime and my mother wasn't having it."

Ana smiles softly at him. This being only the second time Bucky has ever mention his family.

"It was the night before I left. I snuck into her room and left the little pamphlet on her night table. She loved science as much as I did...do. Still. I think. All this technology stuff is pretty neat."

Widening her smile, Ana gently presses her fingertips to his right temple. She can feel his emotions, just slightly as she isn't trying to exert herself. She taps her fingers against his skin, honing the sad, yet happy memory there. Bucky blinks twice, then reaches up to take her hand.

"Whoa. What was that?" He's looking at her fingers in awe.

Ana pokes his nose. "Just a little reminder for you. I just used a little energy to keep that feeling in your brain there."

Bucky's mouth drops. "You can do that? What else don't I know about you?"

"Not really," She chuckles. "Remember, I can't amp up your feelings or emotions, but-"

"But you can make them last longer?"

"In a way. I can at least keep that happy energy there. Don't worry, doing that barely takes anything out of me." Ana moves their hands to his chest, glancing at the monitor. He seems calm, the numbers on the screen backing it. "Feeling alright?"

"Feel fine. Just a little nostalgic." He gets lost in his thought for a few moments. Then his eyes clear and he smiles at Ana. "Second word?"

She squeezes his hand, then untangles their fingers. "Rusted. Please, Bucky. Do no associate that with your arm. As much as I love it, especially in some certain aspects-" the machine beeps for several moments, Ana grins- "I know that's not how you see it."

Bucky stares at his left arm, clenching and reopening his fists. He twists and turns it, the slates shifting with the movement. He slowly stretches out his arm, until the palm of his hand rests against Ana's cheek. She covers the metal, keeping his hand pressed against her skin. She kisses the base of his thumb, smiling at him.

"This is something I wrote down." Bucky tells her, keeping his hand on her face. "I kept rereading it, trying to recall the details until I started seeing it. It was a Sunday, the day before the new school year, and Steve had run into one of the older kids. He decided to pick on him, mainly because Steve was smaller, and thought he could push people who were weaker than him around, or so he thought. By the time I got there, the punk had left, but threaten to knock Steve's teeth out the next morning before school."

"I caught Steve throwing rocks at this rusted, old tin can he had set up on a wall. I asked what the hell he was doing, said he had something to prove to that bully. He kept missing the can, couldn't even graze the damn thing for a while. Until he did. He threw a rock so hard, it knocked the can off. I remember being impressed by the strength behind it. 

"The next day, well. Before that bloke could get close, Steve threw a sock full of dirt at him. Hit him square in the shoulder and knocked him off his feet."

Ana can't help but laugh, finally bringing Bucky's hand down. "He threw a sock full of dirt? That's amazing."

"Sounds a little like someone else I know." Bucky teases, looking at her pointedly.

"I throw a plum and break a window one time and we can't let it go." She grumbles. "What happened after that?"

"Steve nearly got his ass kicked afterwards, but he had another sock, hit the guy in the face. It was one of the first times I didn't need to step in...until that evening." Bucky chuckles at the memory. "Steve didn't know that last part."

Ana repeats the same tapping motion, but to his forehead this time. "You felt proud of him though?"

"I did." He nods, beaming. 

"Seventeen." Ana says after a minute of silence.

"It was the seventeenth day of the month when I first saw you." Bucky confesses, his eyes looking directly into hers. "It was 9:17 in the morning when I met you. It was 9:34 am when this little voice in the back of my head said to immediately trust you. I couldn't that quickly, but I knew I wanted too. I didn't know you then, but it felt like if I could trust anyone here, it should be you. It took me seventeen minutes to figure that out."

Ana doesn't think she has inhaled in the past two minutes. If she was hooked up to the monitors, they would be going crazy. Her heart is racing in her chest, her stomach is fluttering. She licks her suddenly dry lips and wish she could just kiss Bucky senseless. Ana noted the day as well, she remembers it perfectly, she remembers her breath hitching in her throat when she first saw him. However, Bucky actually noted the time. She gently taps his left temple.

"Oh." Is her eloquent response.

It makes Bucky smile at her, his eyes softening around the corners. The beeping of the machine pulls Ana from drowning in his incredible blue eyes, that have darkened just a little. As if he would like nothing more than to just kiss her senseless as well. Being apart for three days has messed with Ana, so she focuses his vitals.

Not much else is said between that, and once's Bucky's heart settles, they continue. That fourth word starts off rather difficult and when the machines goes off again, it's not due to a fond memory.

" _Kazhdoye utro na rassvete_. They would say."

"Every morning at daybreak." Ana translates quietly.

Bucky nods solemnly. "I don't remember much of this. It's still fuzzy and blank. They would torture me, strap me to that machine, electrocute my brain. Or, that's what I first started having nightmares of. Maybe that's why that word switches everything off, why it sets off the trigger."

He rubs his face with his right hand, then shoves his fingers into his hair and pulls at the temples. Ana is quick to stop that, grabbing both is hands to prevent any harm to himself.

"Bucky," Ana begins, needing to tell him. "I burned that page. Just that one so far, because it was the only page that had the words. I barely looked through that entire thing. I didn't want to. I thought I would be sick to my stomach, but I saw something else. Something that nearly made me set the living room in fire until Vision stopped me. On the back of that page, there were instructions. Instructions on how to take care of you. Or, in their disgusting phrase.  _Instruktsii po tekhnichesomu obsluzhivaniyu Aktiva. Maintenance Instructions for the Asset._ "

She shakes her head, still fuming about it. How they spoke of him, how they treated him like he wasn't a living human being. "They didn't even view you as a person. As a human. They treated you like you were nothing but a robotic weapon."

Bucky soothes her by rubbing his hands up and down her forearms. "I'm with you now. Someone who has looked at me like I'm worth something from day one."

"You are." She tells him vehemently, but smiling all the same. He returns a small one. "You are." She repeats so he understands it. "Do you have anything else to associate that with? A morning run? Coffee?"

"You." Bucky mutters, squeezing her hands. The dark, sultry look in his eyes is back, pinning her to her seat. "The way you looked in the sunrise," he keeps his voice low. "In my bed, sleeping next to me. The sun was streaming through the window, painting you in this amazing light and you just...took my breath away, Annie."

Her breath hitches. "Bucky."

"You were stunning, so beautiful. I couldn't believe you were real, sleeping next to me, in my arms."

Ana is speechless. Left with her entire body on fire, heating her cheeks, making a sudden spark of arousal hit her. She can't think of anything now, since they're not even halfway finished. Bucky lifts her left hand to his temple for her. Blinking, Ana taps her fingers slowly this time. Apparently, she lost some focus because she accidentally releases some of her own energy onto him. The sensation makes him blink and a blush beings to tint his cheeks. Bucky leans forward.

"I'm going to make those three days up to you, darling. I promise." He says, a low growl in his tone.

Ana nods. "Furnace." She nearly gasps. 

Bucky presses a brief kiss to her cheek then leans back. He scratches his jaw, and Ana feels like she can breathe again. She wills her own emotions to relax.

"Winters got rough in the 30's. " Bucky recalls. "I would gather my family up, and we would fall asleep in front of the furnace. Steve too, in the middle because he got colder easier. Got sicker faster than any of us. We'd stay up and talk about _The Wizard of Oz_ and-" He breaks off to chuckle fondly. "That moment when it switched from black and white to color was mind blowing."

Ana smiles along with, repeating the tapping. "I've always wonder what that would have been like."

"Incredible." He states in awe. Ana is just in awe of how much he is remembering of his past.

"We can watch it tonight if you want." She suggests. Bucky nods. "Nine."

The fond smile falls of his face, replaced by something somber. Heartbreaking, because Ana begins to see fear cloud Bucky's eyes. She stands from the stool, only to sit next to him on the bed, and gently begins to rub his back up and down. He gives her an appreciative look.

"It took them nine times to use the trigger words before it started to break me." He whispers. "Until they had control of my mind. Ana." Bucky says suddenly. "Don't do that. You said you wouldn't."

"Sorry." Ana winces, inhaling through her nose to reign in her energy. "I couldn't help it."

Bucky gently tugs her hair. "You have nine gold dots in your eyes, baby, remember? I counted them when...it's what brought me back. Those nine golden dots grounded me. Brought me back to you."

Ana bites her lip brefily, dropping her head to his shoulder. "These can't all be about me, Buck."

"Yes they can."

She kisses his bare shoulder.

"If you are what pulls me out of that, why can't all of these be about you? How you help me in every single step."

"Benign." Ana speaks quietly. She can't take any more of his words, otherwise her heart will burst.

"That's ironic, that one." He muses. "Doesn't that mean...not harmful?" He laughs, but its humorless, sad. Deprecating. 

"Bucky, don't do that." She reprimands. She sighs. "It can also mean kind and gentle."

"Like you." When he laughs this time, it's a happier sound. Ana had poked his cheek. "Right, not all about you, that's not hard at all." 

Ana rolls her eyes.

"Fine." Bucky takes a moment to think it over. "Wanda."

"Wanda?" Ana asks, suddenly confused.

"Besides you and Steve. She was the first one who was kind to me. Like she understood some part of me and like you, she didn't think I was set out to harm anyone. So. Wanda's friendship is kind. All the friends I started forming here are. It's a little crazy to think about. The Winter Soldier has friends."

"Yes, he does." Ana agrees, then taps the back of his head. "Homecoming." Ana states, looking back at Bucky. His cheeks are tinted pink.

"Coming here, I think." He admits quietly. "After I fled from Hydra, I didn't have a solid place to call home. I kept moving, too paranoid to stay in one place for long. Nothing was ever home to me, just places to sleep, to survive, but here. It feels different here. This feels like a home to me."

He smiles softly at her. "There are days where I want to express my gratitude to Steve. He has done so much for me, risked everything to save me, help me. Bringing me here is one of them. I don't think there's ever enough thank you’s for that."

"I need to thank him for that too." Ana says, winking when Bucky looks surprised. "Wouldn't have a Winter Flurry to tease if it weren't for him." Bucky opens his mouth to retort, but Ana taps his temple. "One."

He inhales slowly, exhaling out his mouth as if he's bracing himself for something. He turns so his body is facing hers, minding the little pads still stuck to his skin. Ana has to pull her eyes away from his flexing bare abs as he shifts around. He gently places his hands back on her face, cupping her cheeks.

"You." Bucky murmurs, searching her eyes for a moment. "Are the one reason I am fighting so hard. You once said I've been fighting for myself, that I do fight for myself. Not anymore. I haven't for months. Annie, you are the one I've been fighting for."

Ana gives in and kisses him. His lips are a little dry against hers, but it's perfect and soft and this is all she wanted to do after that compromised stage. To kiss him, to make him believe he wasn't at fault. The monitors next to them begin to go haywire, the beeps getting louder and faster, but they ignore them.

Placing her hand against his bare chest, Ana feels Bucky's heart pounding beneath her palm. She wants to pull him closer, to just lay him back on the bed and kiss the enhanced breath from his lungs, but she doesn't get a chance to. Someone clears their throat, the beeping suddenly cutting off.

"Keep that certain healing process to the bedroom, please." Janice qupis.

They pull apart and Ana smiles unashamed. "Sorry. Won't happen again." Janice hums, fondly rolling her eyes and walks away. Bucky tucks Ana's hair behind her ear. "Freight Train."

The playful mood is abruptly gone. "Falling from that train, seeing Steve's face when he couldn't reach me in time...that was the last of me. The old me, I guess."

"Bucky." Ana frowns, taking hold of his hand and lacing their fingers together.

"I'm fine, darling." He promises, offering her a shy smile. "Don't be mad. This one includes you too. Everything about you hit me like a fucking freight train, Ana." That dark look is back in his eyes. Ana finally realizes it's desire. "My feelings for you hit me like a train. Kissing you on the roof that night...like a train to my chest and all I could think about was kissing you again."

"Wow, babe. You sure know how to make a girl's heart flutter." Ana quips, except she’s being incredible serious. She taps his forehead one last time. 

"I'm serious." He chuckles.

"Me too." She smiles brightly at him. "Do you feel okay?"

"I do, actually. My mind feels a lot clearer." He places his hand back on her cheek. "How about you, sweetheart?"

"No passing out here. Saving the dramatics for later."

Bucky chuckles and kisses her forehead. "You are beautiful, Ana, but you look exhausted. Three days is way too long."

Sighing, Ana moves off the table. She makes a mental note of his vitals, then shuts the machine off. She gently begins to take the little sticky pads of his skin.

"I promise I'll nap after this. Just let me record a few things before we leave." She tells him.

Once the last pad is off his elbow, Bucky speaks. "Want me to...um..."

"Please." Ana answers his unspoken question. "You've kept yourself from me for too long, Barnes. You owe me nap time cuddles, and that Nutella jar I know you hide in your room."

He pouts, and Ana has to bite back her laugh. "Floorboard?"

She levels him with a look. "Don't insult me. You keep it in the hollowed out nightstand. That way it's within reaching distance, duh."

"Dammit."

Janice comes over then, basically pushing Ana over to the computers to record the Healing Session. It only takes twenty minutes to finish, Bucky waiting patiently. He spends the time walking around the ward and observing a few of the advance technology Banner and Tony had provided.

Bucky had since put his shirt back on, and Ana tentatively grabs his hand as they walk back to their compound. They see Sam and Max, stopping to chat just a little. Max bids farewell as he is done for the day, and Sam is off to the store to buy some things for dinner. Bucky gently squeezes her hand, allowing her to lead the rest of the way. When they get there, it’s mostly empty, save for Wanda sipping tea on the couch. She smiles in greeting at them, noting their hands. She says nothing, just waves and winks at Ana.

As much as Ana would love to kiss Bucky until they are both breathless, she doesn't. She can't, since the moment they step into her room, the past three days suddenly catch up to her. She quickly changes out of her jeans, all too aware of Bucky's gaze on her, and pulls on a pair of leggings instead.

They settle into her bed, Ana shifting around until she can find a position that doesn't hurt. Her attempt at keeping discomfort from her face fails, since Bucky is frowning once she stops moving. He carefully wraps his right arm around her hip, stroking over the bruise at her lower back with delicate fingers.

"S'just bruises, babe." Ana mumbles, slurring her words. She's exhausted and Bucky smells really good.

"Shh, darling." He hushes, moving closer until her forehead is resting at the base of his neck. "Just sleep."

"Mm'kay."

Ana can't keep her eyes open any longer. She's just happy that Bucky is no longer hiding from her. That he doesn't seem scared to hold her like this anymore. The steady rhythm of his heart beat and the slow sound of his breathing lulls her to sleep. The last thing she feels is protective arms around her and soft lips against her hair.

 

****************************************************************

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for all the dialogue..kind of. Maybe...maybe not. Since this Healing Session was a little important.
> 
> Thank you for reading and feedback <3


	41. Chapter 41

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wrappy before tappy.
> 
> ;)

Bucky must have fallen asleep while watching Ana, for the next thing he knows, a soft knock is waking him up. He blinks his eyes open, confused as to where he is exactly, until he sees the covers are dark blue newspaper print, instead of a solid color. The knock comes again, however Ana is oblivious to anything but her dreams. Bucky smiles at her sleeping form, her face peaceful and free from discomfort.

He slowly untangles himself from her arms, climbing out of the bed to answer the door. His chest clenches with anxiety when he sees the blue eyes and strawberry blonde hair of Pepper Potts standing in front of him. She raises her perfectly arched eyebrows at him, and Bucky suddenly feels like he's thrown back in the early 30's, about to be scolded by his teacher.

He understands though, she was not expecting anyone else to answer Ana's door. Clearly, she was not expecting a man, specifically a man like Bucky, to answer. Bucky swallows the dry lump in his throat, and sweat prickles at the back of his neck. Briefly he wonders if any other of the people living here have the same reaction to Pepper.

Pepper peers over his shoulder. "How is she?" She questions, keeping her voice quiet.

"Sleeping." Bucky answers just as quiet. He looks behind him at the clock on the nightstand. He faces her again. "About four hours now."

Relief floods Pepper's eyes. "Thank God." She takes a step back and beckons him to follow.

Bucky does, closing the door behind him. 

"Tony informed me that she wasn't sleeping." She says, concern written over her face. "I've been stuck in meetings, that's why I couldn't check in on her in person."

"She understands." He tells her gently. "I know she's glad you're here though."

Pepper nods. "Thank you."

Bucky shrugs, as if informing Ana's family what she feels is big. "She told me."

A small smile graces her lips. "Thank you, to _you_ , Barnes."

Utter bewilderment washes over Bucky. Why would anyone thank him for anything? It doesn't make sense, and he's not really sure how to take it. He doesn't even know why she's thanking him. Why the hell  _is_ she thanking him? His confusion must show on his face, because Pepper chuckles. It's a warm sound and he doesn't feel peeled open by her gaze anymore.

"I know how much you have been watching out for her." She tells him. "I know how protective you are when it comes to her."

That's wrong. Bucky can't even protect Ana from himself. "I-"

Pepper holds up her hand to stop him. "You do the best you can. Begging Tony to blow your arm off was a testament to that. You'd rather lose a part of yourself than cause any harm to Ana. I figured Tony would have threatened you in some way, and the fact that he didn't do anything, means he sees something in you."

"Was that him, or did you really stop him?" Bucky has to ask, raising his eyebrow.

"I would have done worse." The saccharine smile on Pepper's glossy lips brings his nerves back. "My point is, you would do anything to keep her safe the best you can. It's more important than anything to you, and I think, even though I wasn't there, that's why you were able to pull yourself back. For her."

He doesn't think she's wrong. Bucky just nods.

"Anyway. I just wanted to thank you. Don't worry about waking her. Let her rest. I'll catch her tomorrow."

Pepper bids him goodbye, and because Bucky still feels a little confused, he just awkwardly waves. He drops his hand quickly, about to go back into the room, when Pepper speaks up.

"I see it, by the way." She says, giving him a pointed look.

He is so confused. "See what?" He questions, frowning.

She just smiles softly, knowingly. "I see it." Then she turns on her heels and walks away.

Her words leave Bucky reeling for several moments. What does Pepper see? Does she see that they're together now? Oh, fucking hell, does she see that him and Ana have had sex? Does that mean the wrath of Pepper Potts will come down upon him? Does she see that Bucky is constantly watching Ana, just to make sure she's safe and not beating up mouthy agents or using her abilities until she drains herself? This is all very confusing.

"I see you, too." A voice says down the hall, breaking into Bucky's thought. "Stealing my secret stash of snacks. It's a secret for a reason, dude."

Bucky rolls his eyes at Sam. "Ana says you drank her wine again. Drink her wine, steal your food. According to her."

"I bought two bottles to replace it."

"Have you checked that secret bucket in your closet recently?" He suggests. He chuckles when Sam goes back into his room.

Bucky goes back in the room, and he makes sure to lock the door and switch the sound proofing on so no one can accidentally wake Ana. When crawls back into Ana's bed again, she immediately snuggles up to his chest. As if she knew he was gone for a few minutes; his spot wasn't even cold yet.

***

 

He fell asleep again, though wakes up an hour later. Something had begun tainting his mind. Suddenly, flashes of Bucky's worse nightmare play in his mind so clearly, it's like watching a movie.

Ana. Ana lying on the floor, her eyes open, unblinking, the light gone. Ana lying in a pool of her own blood, dark red. Ana's blood on Bucky's hands as he holds her broken, lifeless body. Ana cradled in his arms, trying to bring her back, but knowing he can't. Knowing that the light of life in her eyes is gone because of him. Bucky hugging Ana tightly to his body, claiming her as another one of his victims at the hands of the Winter Soldier. 

Bucky blinks rapidly, clearing his mind and coming back to reality. His left hand is still in her hair, but he slowly, carefully pulls it away. He inches backwards, putting space between him and Ana's sleeping form. He watches as her eyebrows twitch for a moment, as if she can feel him move away in her sleep. 

Her eyelashes flutter against her cheekbones, and her fingers move against the sheets like she's reaching out for someone. Probably for Bucky since he’s no longer making contact with her. He can't. Not after those images, those nightmares. For some time now, he no longer just dreams of being recaptured by Hydra, but instead, Ana is. Instead, Bucky is triggered, and his Winter Solider succeeds in killing her.

He sits up shoving his hands roughly through his hair, pulling. He can't relive those nightmares, not with Ana so close to him. He could lash out at her, make her injures worse. He doesn't think he'll get over practically body slamming her to the ground. He could have cracked her head open. He could have actually-

A gentle touch brushes along his spine. The light touch makes Bucky drop his hands and look over his shoulder. Ana is blinking owlishly at him, worry etched within the fibers of her brown and gold eyes. She licks her bottom lip, Bucky's eyes tracking the movement.

"You okay?" She asks, her voice a soft murmur, slowly leaning up and rubbing his back. "Bad dream?"

"Go back to sleep, darling." Bucky says, attempting to give her a reassuring smile. As always, she sees right through him.

She fists the back of his shirt, pulling him back down. "Talk to me."

Lifting his hand, Bucky brushes the little stray hairs that are falling out of her braid back in place. "Later, I promise. Just sleep for now."

She frowns. "I'd rather just be kissing you, to be honest."

He laughs softly, moving closer to her. He puts his hand on her cheek, kissing the highest point of her cheekbone. Then he kisses her nose, her eyebrow, her temple.

"Bucky." Ana giggles. "Kiss me."

"I am. You're just impatient." He teases, hovering his lips over hers.

"Damn right."

Bucky kiss her lips then, gently prying them open with his own. He kisses her deeply, memorizing her mouth. She tastes warm, soft, and Bucky can't ever get enough. He feels conflicted with himself, always debating if he should pull away, or move closer. He feels her hand on his chest, pressing against his beating heart, a solid comfort she has been providing since day one. God, he wants her. He always wants her.

Ana hums against his lips, her hand slipping under his shirt, gently tracing over his abs. Her touch kicks his heartbeat up several notches, so he curls his tongues against hers, tracing the roof of her mouth. Ana shivers, Bucky bringing her closer to his body. His own hands dip beneath her shirt, slowly hiking the material up to her ribs, swiping his thumb over the words he knows are tattooed there.

"Can I?" Bucky asks, whispering against her mouth. It's only been three days, but now that he has gotten use to touching her, three days is too long.

She nods, pulling back to sit up. Bucky follows, slowly bringing the rest of her shirt up, tugging it over her beautiful breasts, her head and her arms. He tosses it over his shoulder, as Ana takes his own gray shirt off as well. When Bucky goes to unhook her bra, he catches sight of her back. He halts, knots forming and twisting sickeningly in his stomach. He carefully touches the bruises with his right hand, keeping his touch as soft as he can.

"I'm going to kiss that look right off your face, Bucky." Ana says, bringing his face between her hands. "You should've seen me when I started training here."

He knows she's trying to lighten his mood, and he manages a tiny smile, but he can't shake the guilt. Instead of answering, Bucky takes her hands from his face and kisses her bare shoulder. He slowly pulls the strap down, kissing across her collarbone to her other shoulder, repeating the same thing. He hears Ana sigh as he carefully moves around to her back.

Bucky drops a kiss to her neck when it feels a little swollen, keeping his lips feather light on her skin as he reaches the top of the bruise. He tries not to focus on the discoloration, instead he keeps his kisses as delicate as he can, trailing his lip across every inch of injured skin. 

"I'm so sorry, Annie." He murmurs against her skin. He slowly unhooks her bra.

"Bucky." Ana sighs again. She doesn't say anything else.

Bucky slowly urges her up to her knees, continuing to kiss down her spine to the other set of bruises. He hooks his fingers under the band of her leggings, tugging them down and kisses the scars along her hip. Every inch reveals smooth, tan skin, and Bucky notices something that takes his semi hard on to a full blown one.

"Um, Ana?"

"Welcome to the present, where women have the choice not to wear underwear." She quips, looking over her shoulder and smirking. "Or, well, maybe they did back then too, I'm not sure. I'm not from that era."

Bucky lightly taps the swell of her ass. The way her eyes widen, and flash makes him return her own smirk.

"Yeah." She speaks breathlessly. "We're gonna talk about that at some point."

"They're called kinks, aren't they?" Bucky inquires casually, getting back to his task. He hears Ana swear softly, and he kisses the top of her beautiful ass. "We already know you aren't into bondage, but partial to shiny metal."

"Christ." Ana chuckles, "stop talking."

"If you insist, darling."

She grabs his arm, tugging him as much as she can without hurting herself. Bucky goes willingly, allowing Ana to kiss him. He continues to take her pants off, slowly leaning her back against the bed to do so. A quiet hiss of pain has Bucky dropping the clothing to the floor, hurrying to help her sit back up.

"Sorry." He rushes out, guilt settling in his stomach.

Ana just kisses him again, her hands going to his jeans, quickly unbuttoning and unzipping. She tugs his jeans down his thighs, Bucky noticing her bite her bottom lip at the sight. He takes over from there, maneuvers around until he pulls off the jeans and his boxers, tossing them somewhere behind him.

He crawls over to her, hooking his finger under her chin, lifting her head to kiss her deeply. Now that he knows exactly what she tastes like, despite the constant battle in his head, he doesn't want to let her go. He carefully wraps his right arm around the middle of her back between the bruises, and slowly lays them down sideways. He can feel Ana tense, but she relaxes after a moment.

"Okay?" He checks, leaning back to search her eyes.

She smiles at her, tucking his hair behind his ear. "I'm good. Promise."

Bucky catches his frown, then quickly smiles at her. Ana sees right through him, shaking her head and pulling him back to her lips. He licks along her lips until she opens her mouth for him, he shifts her a little, just enough so she is half laying on him. He moves his thigh, pressing up firmly between her legs. She gasps into his mouth as Bucky feels how wet she is already. He brings his metal hand to her hip, slowly helping her grind against his leg.

Ana whimpers, dropping her head back. She winces, then moves her head forward instead. Bucky moves his right hand to the back of her neck, gently massaging the tender area. He kisses her again as she continues to grind down on his thigh, quickly becoming a whimpering mess, her fingers trembling against his skin. He didn't think doing this would work her up as fast as it did, but it makes his heart clench with desire, makes his hard cock throb against her hip.

"Too long." Ana breathes during the kiss. "Three days, Bucky."

"Sorry, sweetheart." Bucky mumbles against her lips. His breath hitches when he feels Ana's soft hand wrap around his cock. 

"Shhh." She hushes, pressing her forehead against his. 

She works her hand up and down, her thumb gathering beads of precum, using it to make the glide easier. Her touch sends fire racing through Bucky's veins with each pump. He closes his eyes against the feeling, wondering how her touch, her fingers, her lips, just her in every aspect makes him feel like this. He groans loudly as Ana's fingers graze along his balls, and Bucky needs to feel her around him as soon as possible.

"Ana, fuck, babydoll." He moans, grabbing her hip and grinding her down harder against his thigh.

His skin there is hot and slick, her wetness on leg his making him want to stay like this, in the moment. The way Ana is moving faster, the way she's panting into his mouth, her lips matching the rhythm of her hips, says she close already. Bucky slowly tilts them on their sides again, trailing his hand over her hip, replacing his thigh with his fingers. Ana moans when Bucky rubs his fingers over her clit. Her thumb presses under the head of his cock, making him groan into her mouth.

"Can I...?" Bucky asks, trailing off and dipping two fingers into her dripping hole.

Ana nods, jerking her hand faster. "Yes, God yes."

Bucky kisses her three times, curling his fingers and pumping them in and out. He doesn't spend as much time as he wants on the foreplay, but his cock is achingly hard in her hand. Which he takes off, ignoring Ana's little disappointed noise. He kisses her fingers, then slowly takes his own hand away.

"Gonna make you feel so good, Annie. Make it up to you." He promises, staring into her warm brown eyes. He mentally counts the nine golden dots.

"Not mad." Ana mumbles, giving him a small smile. "Just missed you."

He kisses her again, just a short, sweet one, but keep his eyes on hers. Then, Ana opens her legs, hooking her calf over his knee. Bucky pulls her closer, taking hold of his cock and guiding himself into her searing hot pussy. He slowly pushes in until he is flush against her, breathing out heavily, holding her close. Ana moves her hand into his hair, her other arm wrapping under his metal arm to his shoulder, her hand around his bicep.

"Oh, fuck," Ana breathes, her eyes fluttering.

Bucky pauses for a moment, trying to catch his breath. He moves his hand to her face, swiping his thumb along her cheek. "So beautiful." He tells her, beginning to thrust into her.

He doesn't know why, but he's suddenly reminded of those images of red from his dreams. They go as quickly as the came, so Bucky kisses her. Moves his lips with hers, grounding himself with the feel of her in his arms. He trails his hand down her neck, over her shoulder, her arm, down her hip to her thigh.

Bucky hitches her knee higher over his hip, causing him to drive deeper into her. Ana whimpers against his lips, Bucky swallowing the little sounds when he licks into her mouth. He's careful as he tightens his arm around her back, keeping his arm still so he doesn't accidentally bump the bruises. He trails his left hand from her knee, slowly up her thigh and to her hip. He gently squeezes around the beautiful curve of her hip, Ana's hand tightening in his hair.

He keeps his thrusts slow and deep, still conscious of her injures. The injuries Bucky had caused her. He pulls away from their kiss, burying his face into her overheated neck. He can't look her in the eyes at the moment, can barely even face her when he remembers how he slammed her against the floor. There's plenty of good things that has come with the Deprogramming Sessions, but the one bad thing is remembering what he's done quicker. It just fuels his guilt and regret and nearly makes him pull away from Ana.

To distract his mind and focus on her, Bucky mouths against her skin, slowly sucking a mark into her throat. Ana's chest stutters against his, hearing her breath hitch as he grazes his teeth over the mark. If he could, Bucky would color her skin with these little sucking kisses, instead of the harsh and dangerous,  _deadly_ , way he had done nearly four days ago. He wants to be able to press his thumb against the small marks and have Ana smile at him, rather than wince if he accidentally presses too hard.

"Bucky." Ana whimpers. She softly grips the roots of his hair.

He knows she's trying to pull him back to look at him, but he can't. He just wants to continue tasting her skin on his tongue, slightly salty from sweat and something entirely sweet and captivating. He pulls his hips back, keeping just the head of his cock inside her for a moment, then drives his up forward, thrusting into her just a little harder.

"Fuck." She moans loudly.

Her hand that had been wrapped around his metal bicep suddenly falls to his ass. She's trying to urge him forward, to pick up the pace, but Bucky isn't having it. He keeps his rhythm slow, deep, careful. He doesn't want to risk hurting her more than he already has.

"Faster, babe." She whispers, still trying to pull him back to see her.

Bucky shakes his head, finally releasing her skin from his lips. He feels her fingertips stroking his hip, and her hand in his hair loosens. On another deep thrust, Ana tightens her hold, nails digging into his skin, keeping him still and buried inside her. She slowly grinds her hips the best she can, her hot walls squeezing around his cock.

"Fucking hell." Bucky mutters against her collarbones. He lowers his own hand on her hip to the beautiful curve of her ass, gently gripping her closer. "Annie."

"Please," Ana gasps, moving her hips a little faster. "Please, look at me."

Bucky can't resist her anymore, especially when she begs him with that breathy voice of hers. He finally picks his head back up, staring straight into lust blown eyes. The looks she gives him is so soft, so tender, it makes his heart beat rapidly, he's surprised it hasn't burst through his chest yet. Ana removes her hand from his hair, wrapping her arm around his neck instead.

"You won't hurt me." She murmurs.

"Already did." He tells her, closing his eyes as he bumps their foreheads together.

"Just a bruise."

He kisses her nose. "I can't-"

"You won't. I trust you."

He nods, tilting his head to kiss her lips, breathing out and breathing her in. For once, Bucky lets go of his nearly crippling fear of hurting her, like in his nightmares. He puts every ounce of his trust into Ana's own, where she has nothing but undying faith in him. He tightens his arms around her, and begins to fuck into her faster. He still keeps the steady pace, leisurely and passionate, driving his hips forward harder.

Ana cries out softly, and Bucky's own sounds are no better. Their moans mingling together creating music in the otherwise quiet air. Ana drops her head to his metal shoulder, and through their breathy whimpers and groans, there's a soft little smacking sound. It dawns on Bucky, in the back of his sex hazed mind, that Ana is kissing his arm and that's...that makes him snap his hips faster.

The noise that falls out of Ana's mouth makes heat curl in the pit of his stomach, and he is suddenly so close to coming. He focuses on holding her carefully, but tight enough to feel her heart against his chest. He focuses on the amazing feeling of his bare cock thrusting into Ana's fluttering, dripping walls, chasing that burning feeling of his orgasm. He focuses on her, when she drops her head back, and he mouths at her throat, kissing and sucking his way down to her chest.

He closes his lips over her hard nipple, grazing his teeth over it. Ana moans louder, trying to move her own hips in time with Bucky's. He feels her nails dig into his skin again, his thrusts stuttering for a moment. His name falls from Ana's lips, a breathy little sound, and Bucky is kissing her lips again. He pulls back to look at her, their foreheads connecting once more.

"Gorgeous." Bucky tells her, his voice soft. "So beautiful."

Ana's hand finds its way to his cheek. "So are you." She pants, smiling. Her eyes flutter.

"Gonna come soon, babydoll?" Bucky wonders, watching her eyes flutter.

She bites her lip. "Yes, Bucky. Please."

He doesn't know exactly what washes over him, but a protective and sudden possessive feeling surges in his chest. Maybe it's because he stayed away from her. Maybe it's due to the fact that people have tried hurting her with his own presence. He won't let that happen anymore.

"You're my girl, Annie." He growls lowly. "You know that, love?"

She nods, her soak pussy clenching tighter around his cock. Bucky quirks an eyebrow at the sensation, pushing her reaction aside for later. Right now, he just focuses on making her come all over him. Ana is moaning his name as he hugs her closer, fucking into her faster and harder. It just takes three more thrusts for heat to coil and build in Bucky's balls, and he stills on the last thrust. 

He groans into her mouth as he comes, his cock twitching and spilling inside her. He kisses her slowly, tongues sliding against each other, short breaths panting, and teeth catching on lips. Ana follows almost immediately after him, her walls fluttering around his cock as she comes.

There's a sudden onslaught of emotions, words and thoughts rising up inside of Bucky. He breaks their kiss to bite his own tongue to stop them from spilling out. Everything is just swirling around in a chaotic motion of what feels like wings in his chest. Feelings he doesn't fully understand or can grasp. Feelings he knows he probably shouldn't have because he still feels like he doesn't deserve them. Doesn't feel like he deserves to be this happy, this content, holding Ana in his arms as she settles down, placing little kisses along his jaw.

Bucky doesn't deserve her. Not with his blood stain past. Not with his nightmares haunting him, coloring his hands with Ana's own blood. Not with how he has already injured her twice, has already attacked her twice. A soft, gentle hand is brushing through his hair, damp at the roots. He begins to feel his anxieties melt away, tension releasing from his muscles, and a soothing, comforting feeling begins to settle.

"Shhh, Bucky." Ana murmurs, tightening her leg around his hip.

He kisses her neck. It suddenly clicks what is happening. "Ana," he warns, picking his head back up. "Don't do that. I'm fine."

"You sure?" She frowns, lightly scratching his scalp.

He nods, kissing her lips once before he slowly pulls out. He feels her trembling again, so he pats his hand around for the covers. When he finds them, he makes to pull them over her when she stops him.

"Let me clean up first." She smiles shyly. "Can feel your come dripping down my thighs."

His throat goes dry and his heart stutters. Ana smirks at him, patting his cheek as she gingerly gets up and out of bed. He watches her go, eyes dropping to her legs. She's right. What he sees glistening down her thighs makes his cock twitch in interest again. Then his eyes trail back up and land on the dark bruises coloring her back.

Bucky drops his face into his hands, gripping at the roots of his hair. He counts his breaths, then pushes those self-loathing thoughts, pushes the flashes of his nightmares, away for the rest of the evening. It takes him a minute to follow Ana into the bathroom who just turned on the shower.

She grins over her shoulder as she tests the temperature of the water. "You really know how to tire a girl out." She teases, pulling the handle up for the shower. "Was going to ask you to join me so I don't fall asleep in here."

Walking up to her, Bucky carefully wraps his arms around her. He bends his head to kiss her hair, just thankful to hold her for now.

***

 

The clock reads six pm, too early to call it a night, but they did just that. Mainly because Bucky insisted Ana catch up on more sleep. He ended finding a soft, fuzzy blanket in her closet when he was looking for another towel. He ended up wrapping the majority of it around her, cuddling her close and making sure the position she was in was comfortable. Ana falls asleep quickly.

No one bothers them the entire night, and Bucky wonders if Pepper has something to do with that. He does feel a little bad that he's kept Ana away from her cousin for a night, but he figures Pepper would rather have her fully rested and taking care of herself. Bucky is currently wondering how he can convince Ana to take one of those mineral baths Janice suggested, when she shifts in his arms.

Bucky had been tracing the Spanish words tattooed on her ribs when she moved. He halts his fingers, moving just a little to peer down at her resting on his chest. Her eyes are already open, staring up at him. He hopes she didn't have another nightmare, but the smile spreading across her pink, kiss swollen kiss says she didn't.

"If you really want," Ana whispers, her voice heavy with sleep, "we can repeat Stage Six. Tomorrow."

Bucky can feel his expression fall into a hard look.

"Fine. The next day. Tomorrow we can just sleep. Or I can sleep. You seemed to have recovered just fine." She presses a kiss to his chest close to his nipple. "Damn super Soldier Snow Flurry." She grumbles.

He chuckles, gently pulling her up a little higher so he can tuck her head under his chin. "Sleep, darling. We can talk about it later."

Bucky feels her nod, her warm breath fanning against his neck. He kisses her forehead, finding her fingers with his left hand, lacing them together. He breathes in her scent, fresh of roses and rain and something that smell a little like him. It settles his heart for some reason.

 

**************************************************************************

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed some more fluffy smut...................................... 0.0'  
> Thank you for reading and commenting. I love reading your comments, they brighten my day!
> 
> Idk if I need to explain this, but mentioned in the first time they did the horizontal hokey pokey, Ana mentions she has an IUD. For those of you who don't know what that is, its a form of birth control the Gyno puts in you (hurts like a mother fucker) There's a 3 year one, 5yr and 10yr one, meaning you don't have to change it out for those years. It's almost very near impossible to become pregnant while on the IUD.  
> So, that's Ana's form of bc. You should still use rubbers doe.
> 
> (Also, I just realized Ana and I share the same name. I did not do that on purpose. My real name is Analiese.)


	42. Chapter 42

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Mentions of blood, but nothing major.

It takes half of the next day for Ana to feel one-hundred percent better and back on her feet. Her energy levels are normal again, and she doesn't feel anything foreign swirling around the buildings. It could be spending the majority of the past two days in bed, snuggled next to someone who insisted on her to rest.

Bucky rarely let her get out of bed, offering to fetch anything she needed. He left at one point and came back with his arms full of snacks. He left again, and came back with the actual pot of coffee and two mugs. They spent half the day watching movies, one including the  _Wizard of Oz_. Ana is nearly thirty years old, but the sight of the flying monkeys still sends shivers throughout her body. It just makes Bucky hold her closer, mindful of her bruises.

When they finally emerge from her room, after a very long and hot shower, Ana finds the lounge room to be nearly full. It's only when she's washing the coffee pot out does she realize people are staring at her. She stares back, turns to look at Bucky, who is not where she left him, but is now half hidden behind her. He's got a light blush on his face, and he seems to be very interested in a loose thread on his shirt. Ana looks back at her friends.

Natasha and Clint have matching smirks on their faces. Wanda is appraising her, like she knows, but isn't sure if she's correct in assuming what she knows. Sam has a little smile on his face, nodding like he approves. Steve's expression is almost comical, his eyebrows raised and he's not looking at Ana, but at his friend hiding behind her. He shrugs, like he tried stopping everyone from guessing. Vision seems slightly confused, looking over at Wanda for answers.

It's Pepper, who is sitting out on the patio with Tony with the sliding doors open, that suddenly makes Ana nervous. She can deal with everyone else's reactions, no matter how embarrassing they might be, but she still hasn't told her cousin yet. She hasn't told Tony. Right.

"Late lunch?" Ana calls out to Pepper, keeping her smile as innocent as possible.

"Sounds perfect." Pepper answers, standing from her chair.

Tony follows. "We're taking the mustang. I'm feeling inconspicuous today." The 1964 car is a powder blue convertible.

Ana pumps her fists.

"You're not driving."

Ana's excitement falls. "Fine, but I pick the restaurant." She turns to Bucky. "You'll be alright?" She asks quietly.

Bucky keeps his hand low, so no one can see, brushing his fingers over Ana's knuckles. "I'll be fine. If you can't find me later..."

"Understandable." She chuckles. She wants to kiss him, instead she just squeezing his fingers briefly. Then she leaves.

***

 

Telling Pepper and Tony goes over much better than Ana anticipated. There was only the minimal amount of threats, and Tony confessed beginning to come to terms that Bucky was a prisoner of war and had zero control of his mind. It's still going to take some time, but Tony's acceptance means the world to her.

It's when Pepper speaks up does Ana's react.

"So," Her cousins starts casually, as Ana picks up her wine glass. "How long have you been in love with him?"

Bordeaux Cabernet sauvignon goes down the wrong pipe, causing Ana to sputter and choke a little bit. She coughs to clear her airways. She has absolutely no idea what the hell she is talking about. She tells her this much, but all Pepper does she smile sweetly. So, Ana counters her.

"When are you two having kids?" Ana questions airily.

Tony ends up choking on his drink.

***

 

When they return, Ana is pulled into Wanda's room, Natasha is already there, with Pepper following. She sheepishly confirms what everyone already assumed, that her and Bucky had finally gotten together, and it only took 87 years. Wanda lifts her hands up toward the sky, as if she's praising God or some other deity. Ana just smacks her with her pillow. Rather, she tries too. Wanda just wiggles her fingers and the pillow soars from her hands.

***

 

Before Ana reattempts Stage Six of the Deprogramming, she walks around with Sharon and Max. All three making sure no one else can be present unless authorize by Ana herself. Max is still fuming over it, saying that the meeting was just a ruse to pull him away from their Session. Ana places a comforting hand on his forearm, telling him it wasn't his fault and he had no idea. No one did, and since it was planned on short notice, someone had to be listening in on them.

Her eyes fall to Bucky waiting on the first floor of the lab. He's leaning on her desk talking to Steve. He looks rather relaxed, but Ana sees how his shoulders are slightly tense and his jaw keeps clenching; he's nervous. Ana doesn't feel anything out of the ordinary as it did leading up to the compromise. She takes that as a good sign.

Once Bucky is sitting in the chair again, (it took Steve, Sam and Clint to dislodge the chair from the door), she smiles assuredly at him. He nods, the air around him feels determined. Ana goes about the process, faster than she has before, but not so fast as to not give Bucky time to work through it. He seems to struggle for a moment. She is about to reach out to him, touch him and help, when Bucky picks his head up and smiles at her.

"Nine gold dots." He tells her quietly.

Ana hesitates for a moment, then she's laughing. "You're ridiculous."

It takes every ounce of willpower not to grab him by his beautiful locks of hair and kiss him senseless. Instead, Ana just unlocks the chair and kisses his forehead, to which Bucky kisses the back of her hand.

***

 

A week and a half later, after days and late nights filled with more kisses, soft touches, cuddles and all various types of sex, Ana suggests the next stage. Bucky feels a little nervous, but ready to do it. For some reason, it doesn't go as smoothly as Bucky had hope.

" _Dobroserdechnyy._ " Ana speaks, the word rolling off her tongue.

She pauses, probably watching his reactions. He seems to struggle longer this time, his hands gripping the armrests hard, trying to stop the process. It's like his mind is short circuiting, flipping in and out of control, as if someone is flicking a switch on and off.

"Bucky, hey, look at me." He hears Ana coach, her voice calm and soothing. He doesn't. He shakes his head rapidly, trying to rid the blankness threatening his mind.

"Step away." He growls lowly, warning her the best he can, before he won't be able to anymore.

He abruptly feels his own energy then, not as dark has some previous stages, but it's still crippling. He feels the gentle touch of Ana's hands on his face, placing her left on his cheek and her right on his forehead. Briefly, through a clear thought, he wonders if she is feeling his pain, the confusion, the struggle to remain in control. It's chaotic, always is.

Vaguely, Bucky remembers how grueling this process has been on Ana lately. He tries focusing on her, on the grounding techniques she did during that Healing Session. He focuses on her soft touch, never harsh, never harmful, always so kind. He can't ruin that. He can't allow himself to lose this fight, put her in harms away once more. Not at his hands.

Ana has healing, fading bruises that are still marring her skin. Despite Bucky kissing every inch of them, he still felt the twist of guilt in is heart at the sight. He can't let that happen again, so he's fighting as hard as he can against the triggers. For her. Bucky is fighting for Ana.

He's beginning to feel a change, a warmth seeping into his brain, washing over his tense body. He slowly feels something shaking against his face. It confuses him for a moment, until he realizes it's Ana. Her fingers are trembling on his skin so much, he's sure the rest of her body is too, her hands turning sweaty and hot against his skin.

It's the second he feels the switch from his Winter Solider mindset to the clarity of himself, that Ana lets out a small cry. He opens his eyes, quickly knocking her hands away from his face. Everything stops. Bucky stares up at her, a slight panic rising in his chest. A trickle of something dark red and thick begins to fall from her nose. Ana sways, slowly opening her eyes.

“You’re bleeding.” Bucky whispers worriedly. “Ana, you’re bleeding."

Ana slowly lifts her hand up touching her right nostril, then looks at her hand. Red staining her fingertips. “Oh.”

Then her knees buckle. Bucky is quick to catch her. Her head lulls back onto his metal arm and he tries to keep her awake, make her focus on him. She rapidly blinks her eyes, looking a little disoriented, almost like she's out of it. She tries to stand, pushing against Bucky's chest, but she immediately stumbles. Her head falls back again, her eyes shutting once more. He turns them around, carefully lowering Ana to the chair.

"Ana." He murmurs, trying to keep the panic from his voice. Her skin is pale, clammy. "Stay with me, baby."

There’s commotion around them but he’s not paying attention, just trying to keep her eyes open and on him. He feels just a slight relief when Ana cracks her eyes open, her gaze locked on his. Then someone is next to Bucky, their arm pressing against his like they're trying to move him out of the way. He doesn't.

“I don’t know what I did!” He says frantically, needing to explain because he’s so confused. He doesn't know what just happened. She's passed out before, yes, but bleeding from her nose? He looks at the person next to him. Janice is there, her eyes sharp and determined. Her and another medical team member had been standing by, in case something like this happened.

“You did nothing wrong, Mr. Barnes.” Janice replies.

“What’s happening? Help her.”

“I will, but you need to step aside so I can.” She tells him calmly.

It kills him that he has to move, and he goes to do so, but Ana's hand suddenly grabs his shirt, keeping him close. She’s staring up at him, blinking slowly. Bucky moves aside, but stays close, stroking his thumb against her temple. Janice uses a device she holds against Ana’s inner wrist, checking it when it beeps. Then she’s being handed a syringe with orange liquid inside of it from someone else from the medical department. That doesn’t sit right with Bucky and he finds himself covering the crook of Ana’s elbow, blocking the needle.

“What the hell is that?” He demands, frowning. He'll be damned if anyone tries drugging her.

“Just a vitamin shot, is all." Janice explains, her eyes narrowing. "It’s loaded with proteins, and probiotics. Helps bring her levels back up, now if you would please allow me to help your girlfriend, Mr. Barnes, that’d be great.”

Oh, right. He forgot about those shots. Bucky lets go of her elbow, allowing Janice to continue. He keeps a close watch on Ana's face, her skin too pale, and the stream of blood is a striking, unnerving contrast. It reminds him too much of his nightmares. Bucky pulls the sleeve of his shirt over his hand, gently dabbing the material at the blood, wiping it away from her skin and lips. His heart settles when no new blood follows.

“She’ll be fine. I promise. She just over the extorted herself."

"This has been happening a lot." Bucky responds. Something isn't right.

He just waits, watching Ana's eyelashes flutter. She furrows her eyebrow and sighs, finally opening her eyes until he can count all nine of the little gold flecks. She inhales deeply.

“I’m okay.” She tells him on her exhale. “I’m okay.”

Bucky shakes his head, but the relief flooding through him makes him smile at her. "Liar."

“You didn't allow yourself enough time to heal, Ms. Rios.” Janice scolds. She uses the little device again. It beeps, and her face relaxes. “Your blood pressure and heart rate dropped too low for my liking.”

Ana sits up straighter with the help of Bucky. Her hand tightening in his shirt for support. “Sorry, Janice.”

“Yeah, yeah. Don’t do it again. Wait at least three weeks.” Janice warns. “Nearly gave Sergeant Elsa over here a heart attack.”

Bucky frowns at the nickname.

“Sorry.” Ana repeats softly.

Janice shakes her head. “Make sure there’s iron, lean protein and that kind of stuff in the meal tonight.”

“I know.” Ana sighs.

“I was talking to him.”

Bucky nods in confirmation. "She's alright then?"

Janice pats his left arm comfortingly. "She'll be just fine."

He drops his forehead to Ana's, her skin is clammy. He gently runs his fingers through her hair, damp at the roots and takes a calming breath. He feels her hands settle on his waist, weakly gripping his shirt. Bucky lets her catch her breath for several minutes, then slowly helps her up. He wraps her in his arms, kissing her hair, thankful that she's still conscious.

***

 

Bucky carries Ana to her room, which consisted of him carrying her dead weight because Ana was being her stubborn self and wouldn't take his offer up to carry her originally. So, he just swiped his arm under her knees, picking her up bridal style, and she just pouted the whole way there. He's just really endeared by her

Once they reach her room, Bucky finally sets her down, placing a tender kiss on her temple. He goes to pull back, so Ana can step into her room, but her hands bring him back in, wrapping her arms around his waist. He feels her press her lips to his left peck.

"You can stay with me, you know." She murmurs, slipping her fingers under his shirt. Her touch on his bare skin makes a shiver race up his spine.

He chuckles. "You have to rest, Ana. No distractions."

Ana sighs. "I will. I just like sleeping next to you."

Her words make his heart stutter. He cradles the back of her head. "I do too. I just have to do something first. You just go to sleep and I promise I'll be there when you wake up."

"Okay." She mumbles.

Something bumps against their legs. When they look down, Ezra is winding his body between the space of their calves. Ana pushes herself off him, bending down to pick the cat up. Bucky scratches behind his ear before Ana steps back. She gives him a little wave, then enters her room, shutting her door. 

Bucky stares at it for a few moments, then leaves. He ends up going to the kitchen to grab a bottle of water, taking several large gulps. He's staring at the counter when he feels it.

"You know, not many people can sneak up on me." He says aloud. "But you just did." He turns to face Wanda, who looks unashamed.

She shrugs. "You were distracted."

Bucky huffs a laugh against the bottle as he takes another sip because it's the absolute truth. "Can you do me a favor, and just keep an eye out for her?"

Wanda tilts her head and blinks. "You need to tell her, Bucky."

"Tell her what?" He frowns, utterly bemused.

A sad sort of smile forms across her mouth. She wiggles her fingers in the air. "I don't need to get inside your mind to know what your deepest fear is."

Bucky has a shit ton of fears, ever since pulling Steve out of the river two years ago. He had fears when he started to remember things, like his past. He had and still has fears when he sees flashes of his time as the Winter Solider under Hydra's control. He had fears that they would track him down, drag him back kicking and screaming.

He had fears when Steve found him again, fears of being locked up and fears of knowing that he should. He had fears coming to the compound, of agreeing to the Deprogramming Sessions. Bucky has fears of allowing himself to finally admit how much he feels for Ana.

"Or hers." Wanda says.

Her timid voice pulls Bucky out of his thoughts. "What do you mean?"

"You are each other’s deepest fears. I see it. The way you both reacted after that compromise. How you both acted after the mission. Hawkeye filled me in. I see it when you look at her."

Bucky's heart is beginning to race, suddenly understanding where Wanda is going with her words. Images of his recent nightmares flashes behind his eyes and he squeezes the water bottle so tight it breaks. Water drips down his left hand and onto the floor, but all he sees is red.

"I..." He begins, but he can't voice it aloud. He doesn't have too.

"You're afraid of killing her. With your own hands." Wanda whispers, her green eyes shining with emotion.

Bucky has to lean back against the counter for support. "How- how do you know that?"

"I've seen that look in your eyes before. It's the same look I had when I first got here, afraid of what you’re capable of, but you need to talk to her about it. Or someone else, if you don't want to tell Ana."

"Don't tell her." He suddenly pleads, willing his heart to calm down. "Please, don't."

"It's not my place." Wanda states. She places a comforting hand on his elbow. "You're not alone in your fears, Bucky. She has them too."

***

 

Bucky finds himself pacing back and forth in Steve's room. He is constantly twisting his fingers together as he tells his best friend about the new and persistent nightmares. That even when Bucky wakes up, knowing Ana is safe right next to him, he can't shake the image of blood from his hands.

He explains his conversation with Wanda. Bucky wonders if these new nightmares are due to the fact that him and Ana are together now. Have gotten to know each other intimately, have spent almost every night since that first time together. Maybe he's opened himself in a way he didn't think possible, having new feelings, having those feelings grow stronger. With those new, stronger feelings, of course there has to be something that would pull them apart.

Bucky's life has not been easy for eight decades. Although, maybe it is just his subconscious playing a horrible trick on him. He continues to voice his fears to Steve, finally giving in and sitting down on the bed, burying his face in the palm of his hands. He just needs Ana to be safe, but that dream isn't helping him convince himself that he's the one keeping her safe.

A new concern abruptly raises in his chest at that thought. Bucky lifts his head from his hands. He brings up Stage Six, noting to Steve that the compromised stage was strange. He knows that's what make the nightmares worse, but he also knows that the person who said the triggers words couldn't be acting alone. Steve reacts to that.

"There's something I have to tell you, Buck." Steve voices, his blue eyes flashing with worry. "Nat and Sharon did confirmed the agent didn't act alone. He was given the information, acting out orders from someone pulling the strings."

Bucky swallows thickly, waiting for more.

"We think they're solely going after Ana. We aren't one hundred percent sure, but that attack on her energy was deliberate. The girls haven't been able to find out more yet."

"There's only three more stages to go through." Bucky states, frowning at him. "Is there any possible chance another one might be...?”

Steve shrugs, looking disappointment that he can't answer that a question. "Tony is making adjustments on the security protocol still. In the meantime, we're still trying to figure out how someone was able to render Ana like that."

Bucky is on his feet before he even realizes he's standing. He clenches his fists. "I think I have a pretty good idea of someone who might know how."

***

 

Bucky makes it halfway through the kitchen on the way to Ana's room when he changes his mind. He was going to ignore what he told Steve, and make good on his promise to Ana. However, keeping Ana as safe as possible is more important than breaking a little napping promise. He tries not to feel bad.

Instead, he leaves the compound, having a good idea where to pull information from. He quickly makes his way through the Research building, nearly breaking into a run to reach the Lab. He sees Max walking down the hall, and following not long after is Jared Sharp.

By the time Sharp hears him coming, it's too late. Bucky grabs the back of his shirt, yanking him to the side, and pushing him into a vacant office. He grunts as Bucky shoves him against a wall, moving his hands to grip the front of his shirt instead.

"What the fuck!?" Jared shouts.

Bucky doesn't give him time to say anything else. "I swear to God, if you have a hand in any of this, I will punch your face in."

"Rather aggressive coming from someone who cries over his brainwashed past." Jared sneers.

Bucky pulls him forward then slams him against the wall again. There's movement from the corner of his eye, Bucky shifting his gaze briefly. Max is standing in the doorway, his face colored with confliction. Then he nods, slowly closing the door and standing outside the window. There's a reason Ana trusts him so much. Bucky turns his attention back to the agent in front of him.

"You were in the Lab when we were compromised." He states, keeping his voice hard. "You know something is happening, what is it?"

Jared doesn't say anything. There's anger burning in Bucky's chest, and it takes everything he has in him not to punch his jaw.

"They attempted to trigger me to kill Ana. No one can figure out why, but if you know something. If you heard even a whisper-"

Jared scoffs. “I don’t know anything,  _Sergeant_. However, the people in her department might.”

“Meaning?"

“She rose to the top way too fast. People don’t take a liking to that. They don’t like her. They hate her.”

“Like you did over something she had no hand in?”

Jared smiles, there's nothing friendly about it. “You know, Alex would have never liked you. He wasn't partial to threats."

“I’m protecting her!” Bucky’s growls.

“From who? Yourself?”

Bucky grinds his teeth, feeling his jaw clench as he holds back his anger. He’s not wrong. “Hydra is behind what happened. Hydra took your loved one away. Don’t let them to take away mine.”

The angry expression on Jared’s face changes. He begins to look confused, then slowly, a smirk spreads across his mouth. Bucky is suddenly confused himself at the change, his hand loosening on his shirt. Jared chuckles, it’s a humorless, mocking sound.

“So, you’re in love with her.”

Bucky doesn’t answer him. He can’t, because he didn’t say that. Then it slowly dawns on him, the words he did say, so consumed with protecting Ana that he didn’t realize what his words would mean.

“I didn’t say that.” He states, tightening his hold again. His heart is pounding in his chest.

“Of course not." Jared snips. Then, he inhales, chest rising, like he hates that he's about to spill something. "My issues with Ana were personal. Theirs aren’t.”

“Simon Mills?” Bucky inquires.

“Mills is just a misogynistic asshole. All he wanted was to be in charge of your Deprogramming Sessions."

Bucky's shoulders fall, his anger fading as he realizes something. “You had no idea Hydra infiltrated the department, did you?”

“Not until after it happened.” He answers firmly. "I may not have like her over the years, and yes, I held a grudge, but I wouldn't want to see Alex's sister in harm’s way. Think about it, Barnes. Why would I want to help the people who killed my boyfriend?"

For the first time, Bucky sees a flash of sadness, a flash of someone lost. It makes him step back, finally releasing his shirt.

“I swear if I find out you are lying...” He doesn't finish his threat.

Instead, he just reaches for the door, yanking it open, leaving Jared behind. Bucky thought he had a lead. He thought Sharp might know of something and all he got was a dead end. It infuriates him. They aren't any closer to finding out what exactly is going on and who is in charge.

He feels tired all of a sudden, so Bucky makes his way back to their compound. He sees Steve in the kitchen with Sam, waving them off as to tell them he'll speak to them later. He just makes his way straight towards Ana's room. When he quietly opens the door, Ezra sits up, jumping from the bed and walks out the door.

Bucky shrugs, closing it behind him. Ana is sound asleep, half laying on her stomach to keep pressure off the still healing bruises. He makes his way over, pulling his shirt off before crawling in next to her. He carefully moves her around until her head is resting on his chest, wrapping both arms around her.

Ana sighs in her sleep, a soft little noise that breathes warmth into Bucky's bones. It's a little noise that calms his anxieties for the time being, knowing that he has her in his arms. He kisses her forehead, just happy to hold her and stay in this moment.

***

 

A fist slams down on the surface of the table. The impact makes the papers on the surface shake and flutter.

"He broke out of it and it's all because of her!"

"The book is gone too. I heard she had burned the Winter Solider page."

"Intelligent girl. We were so close." A malicious smile spreads across lips. "Who am I though, if I do not have one more way to go about this. It will work this time."

"Force, sir?"

"Haven't you been paying attention? It's love." A dark laugh echoes throughout the room. "Love is weakness. When I'm through with them. Rios will have no choice but to comply."

*******************

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was a bitch to write....
> 
> But, thank you for reading! <3


	43. Chapter 43

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A liiitttllle bit of angst? Like...blink and thats it. smmmmmmmmmmmmmmuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuttttttttttttt

Counting the light fixtures in the ceiling is the only thing keeping Ana from lashing out. Another meeting was called, Ana having no clue what it could it have been about, but she was not expecting this. Especially from the other Avengers. Ana feels the muscle twitching at her jaw, and she inhales slowly, counts five fixtures, then exhales.

"You're being stubborn." Tony tells her, his voice casual, light. Like this was any other conversation about the weather.

Ana holds up her fist, uses her left hand to crank an invisible handle, slowly lifting her right middle finger up. Someone snorts to her right, but she ignores it. She hears Tony sigh.

"We're just suggesting postponing the sessions for a few weeks. Just until we can figure out what's going on."

Ana shakes her head. "This is bullshit." She mutters, finally lifting her head and sitting up straight. "Complete and utter bullshit. We can't do that. That's taking several steps back!"

She cannot believe Tony is saying this. She cannot believe Steve is going along with this idea. Requesting Ana to hold off on the last three stages with Bucky is ridiculous. He's so close to finishing, to breaking through and getting control over that triggered part of his mind. Speaking of which.

She shifts her eyes over to Bucky, who is staring resoundingly at the table. His jaw is clenching, his shoulders are tense, and his arms are moving, as if he is ringing his hands together under the table. That alone gives away his apprehension, Ana doesn't have to feel his energy to know how he's feeling.

“Bucky." Ana address him lightly. "You’re awfully quiet, considering this is about you. This is your decision, not theirs.”

His jaw clenches again, his chest expanding with a silent inhale. Then he lifts his eyes up. There's a guilty gleam to his eyes that makes Ana's stomach twist. It’s a silent answer.

"I can't believe this." She mutters, shoving her hands through her hair. "I can't believe any of you."

"It's not a bad idea, Annie." Bucky says quietly.

Ana leans over the table. "Yes, yes, it is. You're doing so well, amazing, and pushing it off for however long is backtracking. I don't want you to have to start over."

"I wouldn't mind." He tells her, frowning just a bit. He taps his temple with his metal fingers. "It's not- I'm still dangerous, clearly."

"No." She shakes her head fervently, forgetting about everyone else in the room for the moment. "We're aren't finished yet, Bucky. The Sessions are working, and you know they're working!"

"Annie-"

"Maybe we should just let you guys talk this out." Natasha speaks up, clearly reading the tension between them.

Ana abruptly stands up, nearly knocking her chair over. To his credit, Bucky doesn't react further than his eyes tightening. "No. I'm not going to listen to you blame yourself again. If that's you're only reason, then no. I'm not doing it."

Turning on her feet, Ana pushes past Steve, exiting the conference room.

***

 

The air is cold outside when Ana reaches the roof of their building, the sun setting fast. She had been too focused, consumed rather, on Bucky and the session that she lets the season slip away from her. Fall came quickly, the leaves of the surrounding woods a bright array of colors. Soon, it will be winter, and the trees will be covered with snow. Ana has no idea where she will be in the next few months when that happens.

Right now, she crosses her arms around her torso, trying to keep the warmth of her body in a little longer. She just needs the crisp air to clear her mind, to think about that meeting. She disagrees with all of it. She knows Bucky is only going along with it because he's essentially trying to protect her, save her energy and heal whatever is going on with her ability.  

The door to the hallway access opens, and Ana is surprised it took Bucky this long to follow her. She doesn't want to beat around the bush though, she turns to him. Of course, the cold weather doesn't affect him, and his long hair gently flutters in the breeze. She pushes her own stray hairs from her face to see him clearly. Bucky is so handsome, his eyes so beautiful, but the blue of his irises are darker in shade. The corners of his mouth are pinched and there's a small frown on his brow again.

"I know I said it's your choice, Bucky." Ana begins, "But I can't agree to this. If your only reason to push it back is because you keep blaming yourself, because you think you've hurt me, then no."

"I did hurt you!" Bucky says vehemently, taking a few steps towards her.

"They're just bruises, Buck-"

"It could have been worse! It could have been a lot worse, and I could've..." He stops talking, staring at his hands. He clenches them into fist, his expression getting lost in what looks like a memory. "I could have-"

"Stop it!" Ana snaps, closing the distance between them and grabbing his wrists. "You wouldn't have done anything. You broke out of it Bucky, how come you keep overlooking that fact? You came back to me. Somehow, some way, you were still protecting me. There were several opportunities for you to do worse, but you didn't! You held back."

"Ana-"

"No. You listen to me, James Barnes!" Ana says fiercely. "These sessions are working. You, yourself, have broken free twice. You held back from hurting me. Goddammit, Bucky. You pointed a gun at my chest and didn't shoot me!"

"No, but I shot someone else." Bucky mumbles, shaking his head, more guilt flooding his eyes.

"Barely. You grazed his arm because you were aware! You were fighting. Why aren't you fighting this now? Why are you so scared, even after breaking free, after coming out of it?"

Bucky suddenly yanks his hands out of her grasp, taking the steps Ana gained back. He doesn't say anything, but his nostrils flare and his chin quivers for a moment as he gathers himself again.

"You came back to me." Ana reminds him softly.

"We should postpone it." Bucky says, his voice calm, resigned. "It's the only way-"

"To what? It's the only way to what, Bucky?"

He levels her with an expectant gaze. "You know."

Ana is going to rip out her hair because still, after all this time, Bucky isn't thinking about himself. It's sweet, and so incredibly, utterly frustrating. At this point, she's surprised the power hasn't gone out again. Maybe it's because she had finally gotten enough rest, has mentally regained her control back. In that case, Bucky's reasoning's are moot.

"This isn't about me, Bucky! This is about you, I'm trying to help _you_!" Ana yells, finally letting out all her frustrations. She can't believe they're at this again. It's always a standstill.

"Not at the expense of yourself, Ana!" Bucky shouts back. "You've been pushing your limits way too far. Postponing is the best option right now."

She throws her hands up in the air. "We're never going to agree on this. I'm doing all of this to help you, because I can't continue to see how much pain you've been in. I can't have you ignoring me again for three days, and I can't just sit back and allow shit like that compromised session to happen again! The Deprogramming is working, Bucky, if it wasn't you wouldn't have broken out of it. Prolonging the last three sessions is the worst thing to do right now!"

"I know you're helping." Bucky states, lowering his voice briefly. He sighs, then shakes his head like he thought of something and his angry expression is back. 

"It's one of the most infuriating things about you!” He tells her loudly. “You try protecting everyone else around you, you try preventing them from pain, from negative energy, but you don’t focus on yourself. You go and go until you cause enough stress to your brain that you bleed! That’s not good, Ana. I can't allow you to...you have to start protecting yourself!”

Exasperated, Ana says, "Why? We both know you protect me plenty enough!"

“You’re damn right I do!"

Bucky surges forward then, grabbing her by the back of her neck, searing their lips together. He quickly walks her backwards until he presses her against the wall of the stairwell. Ana can't help but moan into his mouth, kissing him back with just as much ferocity. His hands are at her hips, squeezing roughly, as if she might disappear any second. Bucky presses his body against hers, grinding his crotch between her legs. Heat explodes through Ana's body, her hands gripping at his shoulders, fisting his shirt between her fingers.

“I can’t lose you." Bucky growls against her lips. "I can’t.”

Ana nods, their lips sliding together, and she can barely remember what they were arguing about. All she does is push him back far enough, so she can jump up, wrapping her legs around his waist. Bucky's hands go to her thighs, holding her up effortlessly. She slides her hands into his hair, gripping at the roots and Bucky stumbles forward, supporting Ana's back with the wall once more. She tilts her head back as Bucky pulls away from her mouth, trailing his lips down her jaw, nipping at her skin.

"Can't let them take you back." Ana whispers, her eyes flutter at how good Bucky feels sucking at her neck. "Want you safe."

Bucky groans against her throat. "I know, baby. Just want you safe too."

Ana grips his hair tighter, pulling his head back until she can reach his lips once more. She licks her tongue into his mouth, his own sliding hot and slick against hers. She feels overheated, considering the air is crisp with New York's fall weather, and she should be freezing. However, when Bucky moves his right hand up her thigh and in between their bodies to press firmly against her crotch, her skin prickles with heat.

He doesn't waste any time, nor does he seem to care that they're on the roof, out in the open. It reminds her of their first kiss, where Bucky kissed her just like he is now, like his life depends on it. Ana can feel herself becoming wet, soaking into her panties and Bucky has barely started kissing her a minute ago. It's just what he does to her, drives every single one of her nerves to the brink.

The tug of the zipper on her jeans makes her gasp. When Bucky dips his fingers under her panties, pressing against her clit, Ana whimpers into his mouth. He circles his fingers around, over and over until Ana is panting. Finally, she breaks away from the kiss, dropping her head to his shoulder.

"Fuck, you're already so wet, Annie." Bucky hisses in her ear.

"You," Ana's voice hitches. "You, the wall, fuck." She breaks off to moan as Bucky dips his middle finger into her dripping pussy.

"You liked that, huh?"

Ana nods, her mouth dropping open. She tightens her grip in his hair, and a low moan vibrates against her neck. She does it again, and suddenly Bucky is pumping two fingers now in and out of her hole. Ana cries out quietly, throwing her head again as Bucky grips her ass with his left hand.

"Gonna come for me right here, baby? Come on my fingers?"

"Fuck." She whispers. She moves her head forward again. "That mouth of yours, Bucky, I swear."

He chuckles huskily in her ear. Ana clenches around his fingers. She kisses him again, their hot mouths fitting together like they were meant to be. There's a fast wave of her pending orgasm building up in her lower abdomen, threatening to crash over her already.

"Bucky." Ana moans, attempting to grind her hips down on his hand.

"I got you, Annie." He whispers into her mouth.

He curls his fingers just right and Ana abruptly comes. Her walls clench around his fingers, still thrusting in and out as she rides her orgasm. She just pants against Bucky's lips as he slows, and she comes down from her high. They don't say anything for several moments, just holding each other close, Ana still pressed against the wall. Bucky slowly slips his fingers out, allowing her to drop her legs carefully.

Ana blinks, trying to refocus but what Bucky does next makes her mind go fuzzy. He takes his glistening fingers into his mouth without hesitation, and the expression on his face looks like he just tastes the most decadent dessert in the world. He moans, and Ana's heart kicks into over drive. She drops her to knees.

Bucky pulls his fingers out of his mouth, looking like he's about to scold her for being rough on her bad knee. However, Ana nearly rips off the button of his jeans as she undoes them, quickly pulling them down just far enough. She mouths against his hard cock over his boxers, a wet spot darkening the material. His left hand goes to her cheek as Ana leans back to take his cock out. She wastes no time, taking half of him into her mouth and hallowing out her cheeks.

" _Holy fuck_." Bucky hisses, his right arm smacking against the wall to support himself. 

Ana tries not to smirk, instead focusing her movements on his throbbing cock. She goes fast, can feel herself getting a little messy, raising her hand up to twist around the base of his cock, gliding easily with her saliva. Breathing through her nose, Ana relaxes her throat, taking more of his thick cock in her mouth, and swallows. Bucky moans loudly above her, pressing his thumb against her cheek.

"Gonna come, Ana. Holy shit."

Ana just bobs her head faster, looking at Bucky from under her wet eyelashes. He's staring down at her in awe. His red lips are parted, and there's a wrinkle his brow and his eyes are blow wide with arousal. His chest is heaving, and his hips stutter forward a bit, like he wants to fuck into her mouth, but doesn't know if he can, if he should. Maybe another day they can talk about it, but Ana can feel his balls tightening quickly, and his lower abs clench.

Dropping her eyes again, she prepares her throat, removes her hand and takes him down until her nose hits his skin. Her throat flutters around his cock, nearly gagging. That seems to do it for him, fast and quick. Bucky nearly shouts, and he's quick to grab Ana by her hair, somehow still gently pulling her off just a little so she can breathe. Ana obliges, taking and swallowing as much as she can. She slowly pulls back, using her hand to coax him through it.

She keeps the tip of his cock close to her lips, catching the last few drops of his come. Once he's finished, Ana kisses the underside of the head, and carefully tucks him back into his boxers. Bucky sinks to his knees as Ana inhales deeply. She smiles at him, and something gleams in his eyes. He slowly brings his thumb up to her bottom lip, swiping a few drops of his come she apparently missed. Bucky slowly pushes his thumb into her mouth, and she licks the last remaining drops from his thumb.

Fuck, if that wasn't just the hottest thing he's done. Bucky presses their foreheads together. Who is Ana kidding, everything they've done so far has been incredibly hot. He brushes the sweaty baby hairs from her temple back, breathing into each other.

"You know," He pants, "how much I care for you, Ana. I just don't want to lose you. That scares me."

"I know," Ana breathes, pressing her palm against his jaw. "I can't lose you either. For the same reason."

Bucky nods, his right hand trailing over her forearm. "Let’s get you inside. Your skin is like ice."

Ana kisses his lips three times, before they get up on shaky legs.

***

 

Bucky carefully leans his chest over Ana's back, their damp skin sliding together. The slow drag of his cock when he pulls back makes her mouth fall open, and the hard thrust forward punches a little whimper out of her. She can't help making these little noises that fall from her lips, like she has no control over what she's doing anymore. Completely giving her body over to him. 

"Fuck," He hisses over her ear. "Feel so good, Annie."

Ana moans, her hand twitching against the sheets, moving it between her body and the mattress. He catches her doing so, and grabs her wrists, pinning it to mattress next to her head.

"Ah, ah." Bucky tisks. "No touching, baby. Can you do that for me?"

She nods, words having escaped her all together. She will do anything he asks for right now. He rewards her with a soft kiss to her lips, trails his mouth over her jaw, nipping at her neck and biting at her shoulder.

"Fuck." Ana breathes, gripping the sheets.

He traces his left hand down her arm to her side, carefully sliding his arm beneath her hip bones. He stops in the middle, slipping his fingers down and over her clit. The sudden cool pressure makes Ana gasp, her breath catching in her throat. She bites her trembling lip and slowly realizes she's shaking all over. Each of his thrusts deeper than the last.

"Fucking me so good." She mumbles into the bed.

Bucky tightens his arm, holding her flush against his body, snapping his hips forward a little harder. He keeps the same infuriating slow pace, the head of his cock hitting that spot perfectly with each thrust. Ana tries turning her head again, lifting her chin up because she needs to kiss him. Needs to have his surprisingly filthy mouth on hers. 

She's beginning to feel overwhelmed in the greatest way, and she needs his lips to keep her grounded. He thankfully notices this, biting rather harshly at the back of her neck before he captures her lips in a tender kiss. Everything about this man is a contraindication; hard, muscular body, soft slow hands. Sharp teeth and gentle lips. Dirty words spoken like secrets in her ear.

Ana brings her right hand up to the back of Bucky's head, tugging at the roots of his hair. It causes a low growl to emit from his throat, and his thrusts picks up a notch. His metal fingers slide wetly against her clit, the rocking of his hips causing its own friction. She bites at his bottom lip and Bucky suddenly grabs her hand, lacing their fingers together and pressing their hands to the bed.

"You drive me fucking wild, do you know that?" He breathes into her ear, lips grazing her skin. "Every single day."

Ana moans again, bringing his hand towards her mouth. "Feeling's mutual." She mutters, eyes fluttering shut. 

She can feel the rapid coiling in the pit of her stomach. He nibbles on her earlobe, causing shivers throughout her body. She tries her best to move her ass back against his hips to meet his thrusts, but Bucky just tightens his hold again. Keeps her still, pinned beneath him. There's something about the way his board chest feels over her back, covering her body. They're hot and sweaty, but there's a sense of comfort, a sense of protectiveness there, and it makes Ana's heart ache in her chest.

On a particularly sharp, deep thrust, Ana gasps loudly. His cock is so hard, so thick inside her, her mind is beginning to go fuzzy from the friction. She can feel herself tightening around him, and Bucky moans, hitching her hips up just a little for leverage. She clenches her walls again, causing him to groan.

"Everything about you." Bucky continues, panting, squeezing her hand. His fingertips grazing her lips. "Your goddamn body, teasing me all the fucking time. Your lips, your amazing ass," He snaps his hips forward harder. "Just want to keep you to myself. Just need to protect you. Fuck. Taking it so good, sweetheart. Love my cock filling you up."

"Shit...Bucky..." Ana whimpers, she can't keep her eyes open anymore. "I'm..." She trails off, mouth dropping open as he picks up the speed.

"God, you're so perfect, Annie." He whispers hoarsely. He takes his hand away from her, only to gently wrap his fingers around her throat. "So good for me."

"Fuck." Ana chokes on a moan. Her orgasm is on the brink, so close. " _Oh God_.”

Her body feels overheated, her heart pounding in her ears. Bucky’s fingers twitch against the sides of her neck just a little, her free hand coming to cover the back of his on her neck. She keeps his hand there, his touch gentle and sensual and that's it. Ana gasps, her mouth falling open and her walls tightening around his thick cock.

"That's my girl, come for me, baby doll." He murmurs against her ear.

She does. Hard and long and her body is quivering, little noises being punched out of her mouth. Bucky continues to whisper praises into her skin, nipping at her jaw, kissing at her fading bruises. He picks her hips up just a little, and starts to fuck earnestly into her, chasing his own release.

Once the waves of Ana's orgasm being to subside, she focuses on Bucky. "Love when you come inside me." She breathes. 

"Ana, fuck." Bucky breathes, mouthing at her neck.

That seems to do it for him. He thrusts once more, stilling his hips and comes. His cock buried deep and twitching inside her. He moans low in his throat, holding her tight to his body and breathes harshly through his nose. He seems to come for a while, the entire time whispers little endearments and praises to Ana. Once he stops, she feels him try catching his breath, and slowly, as if he's trying not to hurt her, pulls out and flops onto his back beside her. 

Ana feels his fingers brush over her forehead and she forces herself to open her eyes. She's met with the softest look he has ever given her, and she wiggles closer to him, pressing a kiss to chest. She exhales contently through her nose, wrapping her arm low around his waist.

"Alright?" Bucky questions. It's just another contrast that make up who he is. A dirty, fast talker, but has to make sure she's okay herself.

"I have," Ana breathes, bringing her knee up to his thigh. "never been" she inhales deeply, "fucked that good," she exhales, "ever."

He chuckles and pulls her closer. "I didn't hurt you, did I?"

Ana hums. "God no. If it hurts, it's because I want it too."

"Fucking hell, Annie." He breathes, tilting her head up to kiss her deeply. Ana chuckles against his mouth.

“We’ll talk about that neck thing later.” She mumbles. Bucky smiles against her mouth.

It takes several long minutes for them to both come down from that. Their bodies melting together as they relax, their sweat covered skin cooling and heart beats calming. Bucky is gently soothing his fingers along her back, tracing over the healing bruises on her shoulder and down to her lower back.

They shifted on their sides at some point, their legs tangled together. Ana brushes away a few dark strains of hair sticking to his forehead, keeping her fingers light against his skin tracing down to his mouth. His eyes flutter shut. She has to tell him.

"I'm terrified of failing you." Ana confesses in a whisper, her fingers trembling over his lips. Bucky opens his eyes. "Terrified of failing, and you end up back in Hydra's hands because of me.  _Fuck_."

She can hear her voice wavering, a surge of emotion rising in her chest. It's something she has be scared shitless about for months, and it nearly happened anyway. Letting her eyes fall shut, Ana inhales deeply, trying to calm herself, lest she knocks the power out again. Gentle fingertips brush along her cheekbone.

She exhales, opening her eyes, staring straight into Bucky's incredibly blue ones. They look sad, but determined, that little wrinkle between his eyebrows is back. Ana smooths it out with her thumb.

"I didn't even get to ask how you were after that." She mutters, her eyes fluttering as Bucky continues to trace her face. "I was out for a while. I didn't...did you have a panic attack? Were you angry that someone was able to get by security? Hurt that I couldn't protect you and let you become-"

"Shhh, sweetheart." Bucky interrupts, presses his fingers to her mouth. "It was none of that. It didn't even register that he found out I was here. I was never angry at you, darling. I was so upset with myself because I hurt you, Annie. I swore to myself that I wouldn't let that happened, but I did it, twice. Hence wanting to postpone the sessions." 

Ana's heart is aching in her chest. She sees the guilt, the fear, the pain in his eyes over it. She kisses his fingers tips, taking hold of his hand on her mouth, she presses his palm to her chest. She knows he can feel how wildly her heart is beating, and it's not because she's scared of him. Instead, it's because he's holding her, keeping her close to his body despite his own anxieties. 

"Look at me, Bucky." Ana states, keeping her voice soft. "I'm right here in front of you. I'm fine. It's just bruises that will fade away. I'm more upset that I didn't kick your ass."

That makes Bucky laugh, just a quiet little sound, but it has his eyes crinkling at the corners again. He shakes his head, tapping his fingers against her skin. His smile slowly fades away, his eyes shift down briefly, as if he's just remembering something. Ana leans forward, pressing a soft kiss to his chin, the soft hair on his face tickling her lips. 

"What is it?" She asks after pulling back. He looks scared.

"Lately," Bucky starts, then stops. He takes a moment to gather himself. "I've been having this new nightmare. It's not flashbacks or memories. It's a very real possibility and it terrifies the fuck out of me."

Ana touches his jaw lightly, her fingers warm against his skin. She waits patiently for him to continue, as he looks like he's struggling to confess this. She presses his hand firmer against her chest, but he just frowns. Bucky closes his eyes. 

"I'm holding you in my arms," He continues, a small tremor to his voice, "only you aren't...you aren't breathing. You're bleeding. Blood is  _everywhere_. My hands are soaked with it because I-I'm the one who..."

Ana's fingers move over his mouth this time because she suddenly understands. "It's okay." She promises softly, tracing his lips. He opens his eyes again. "It's okay to fear them, Bucky. Just know that I'm right here, and this is real. Not what's in your dreams."

Shifting around, Ana takes both his hands to press against her chest. She makes sure he keeps his hands there, as she places her own over his pounding heart. "This. Right here."

Bucky nods, then moves his left hand. He trails his metal fingers over her collarbones, tapping twice, then traces up the side of her neck, and gently cups her cheek. Ana's eyelashes flutter at his touch, always sending shivers throughout her body. She covers the back of his hand with her own. He moves his thumb across her cheekbone. Bucky flashes her a sad sort of smile.

"I'm not afraid of you, or your hands." Ana reminds him gently. "I mean, just now, Buck. You don’t even realize how delicate your touch is with me. Even when you're triggered, you are still protecting me, Bucky. I'm not running from you and you can't make me."

Bucky kisses her as his response, soft and gentle. He pulls back, his blue eyes turning serious. "It's a possibility, Ana. I just need you to understand that. No matter how much trust you have in me."

"I know," She assures him. "I know it is. I just think holding off on the last three Deprogramming Stages is a bad idea. Despite what you think, and the compromises, it's been working." She squeezes his hands harder. "Do you believe that?"

A small smile spreads across his lips. "I think you're right." He says. "I don't think I would have, broken out of it as you say, if it hadn't been for you. And the sessions."

Bucky laughs suddenly. A soft, breathy noise that makes Ana's stomach flutter. "At this point, it's only you, Ana. These nightmares, my fears, being triggered. You make me fight everything because of you."

Ana kisses him, pulling their hands apart so she can rest her hand against his strong jaw. Something feels a little different about this kiss. It's slow, passionate, and Ana abruptly feels electrified. Her body feels heated in the best way, like sleeping in front of a crackling fire, wrapped up in a fuzzy blanket. She feels safe, she feels comfort, happiness, adored, cared for and she realizes it's not just her own feelings. She's unintentionally feeling Bucky's as well, and her heart beats wildly in her chest.

That first time she used her empathetic ability on his all those months ago was crippling. He felt lost, broken and confused. Now, he feels the opposite. Ana doesn't know if it's because she's putting her own emotions on him or if it's solely just him, trying to convey how he feels about her. Either way, there's nothing but comfort, a sense of protection between both of them. A mutual feeling of how much they truly care for one another.

Bucky kisses her twice more before leaning back. "Don't postpone the stages. You're right. I'm just scared, but you're right."

Ana brushes her thumb beneath his eye. "You sure? Because you know if you really asked me-"

"I'm sure, baby." He smiles, blinking slowly.

She returns his smile. "I like when you call me that."

The smile turns into a small smirk. "Just not  _doll_?"

Scrunching her nose, Ana says, "I think it's growing on me...only during sex though."

He chuckles, dropping his arm to pull her closer by her waist, still mindful of the bruises. They hardly hurt anymore. Ana snuggles closer, the tip of their noses brushing. A serene calm settles over them as they look into each other’s eyes. Ana thinks, in the back of her mind, the blue of Bucky's eyes is her favorite color.

"Annie," Bucky breathes in the inch of space between them. His voice is incredibly soft, matching the look in his eyes.

He looks like he wants to say something else, but he remains silent. The longer he stares at her, the harder her heart pounds. Her stomach is fluttering like months to a flame, and her lips feel dry. She slowly licks her bottom lip, Bucky's eyes tracking he movement briefly. He brings his hand from her hip to her cheek, his touch delicate against her skin. He parts his lips, inhaling quietly.

"I-" He whispers, eyes flickering. He bites his lip for a moment. Ana can feel her heart slamming against her chest. "I...you are the most beautiful person I have ever laid eyes on."

Ana releases a breath she didn't realize she was holding. Her heart is still pounding, but it calms down a little. She smiles softly at him, closing the small space and presses her lips against his once more. She adjusts her arms, wrapping them around his middle, and hooking her knee higher on his bare thigh.

"You're unbelievably sweet, you know that?" She tells him after pulling away.

"Only to you, darling."

Ana chuckles. "Tired?"

"Not really. How about you?"

"No." She pauses, then she leans back. "Want to watch a movie?"

"Not that cartoon one with the house and the balloons and the talking dog again, right?" Bucky asks, concern laced in his voice.

"The beginning of  _Up_  really scarred you, didn't it?"

Bucky frowns. "She died in the first five minutes after a beautiful love story between them."

"I know," Ana sighs, "but it was a great movie. We'll watch something else."

Bucky kisses her temple. "Whatever you want, baby."

***

 

The warmth of the bed makes it hard for Ana to want to get up. The warmth of the body she's currently half laying on makes it even harder to leave at all. They must have fallen asleep halfway through the second movie. The rise and fall of Bucky's chest soothes her, as does his steady heartbeat. Ana snuggles closer, pressing a gentle kiss against his jaw, the soft hair on his face tickles her lips. 

She begins to trace shapes on his bare chest, keeping her fingertips light so she doesn't wake him. She slowly trails her touch over to his left shoulder, then down his arm. She wishes she could remove the red star adorning the metal, wishes she could get rid of every reminder of those horrible people.

For now, Ana drops her head to his chest, kissing over the center of his heart. She wishes she could stay in this moment forever, burning the image of how peaceful Bucky looks as he sleeps into her mind. She hopes his dreams are just as peaceful, considering the onslaught of nightmares they're both having. 

Bucky shifts then, his right arm wrapped loosely around her back tightens, pulls her closer. He sighs deeply, a content sound that has Ana smiling at him. She brings her hand up to his face, outlining his lips, his jaw, brushing over the corner of his eye, and slipping her fingers into his hair. When she runs her fingers through the strands, they get caught in a few knots. She winces as she carefully untangles them, knowing that her hair is probably worse with tangles.

Her fingers still after a while, Ana feeling the pulls of sleep again. She leaves her hand in his hair, carefully adjusting her right arm so it doesn't turn numb. She's about to close her eyes again, sleep for just a few more hours, when Bucky stirs, his fingers twitching against her hip.

Ana looks up at him, just as he opens his eyes, lashes fluttering. He looks down at her, and the deep color of blue pierces through her heart. It isn't the first time Ana has felt this feeling, and she welcomes the familiar sensation of waves crashes over her, drowning her in everything that is Bucky.

Her heartbeat soars in her chest, her stomach flutters with thousands of butterflies when Bucky smiles at her. Soft and sleepy, and his eyes turn gentle, crinkling at the corners. No one has ever looked at her the way he is now; like she is the most precious thing in the world. The waves morph into a burning fire, spreading throughout her veins, setting every ounce of her nerves ablaze. When Bucky tenderly traces his fingers over the scar on her hip and kisses the crown of her head, she realizes something.

Ana is falling in love with him.

Bucky moves his hand up to her face, swiping his thumb over her eyebrow, to her temple. He smiles. "G'morning, babydoll."

"Hi." She whispers back. "It's not morning though."

"Whoops." He chuckles, kissing her forehead.

Ana is in love with him.

 

*****************************************************************************************************************************

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hm. I have realized how much sex they have and I regret nothing.......there may or may not be a reason....I have no shame.
> 
> Thanks for reading! Sorry it took a while. I've been slammed at work <3


	44. Chapter 44

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Want some marshmallow fluff???

Waking next to a cold, empty spot in the bed, when there shouldn't be a cold empty spot in the bed, makes Ana panic internally. It's a slow build up, realizing Bucky isn't next to her, but she shoots up when she does. Thankfully, it only takes her one minute to notice she's in her room, and another to know that Bucky probably hasn't strayed too far.

Ana slowly slides out of her bed, wincing at the popping noise in her right knee as she stands. She stretches her arms above her head, a faint ache pulling at the spots of her bruises. Spotting Bucky's blue henley on the floor in a heap, she picks it up and tugs it over her head. The shirt isn't overly big, she's not drowning in it, but the hem line does come down just barely pass her ass. The sleeves are the biggest part, mainly because Bucky's shoulders and arms are ridiculous, and the sleeves fall over her hands. She grabs a pair of sleep short, tugging them up her legs before leaving her room.

The delicious aroma of coffee captures her senses immediately, pulling her toward the kitchen. She stops at the end of the hallway, leaning against the wall. Bucky is there, pouring a splash of creamer into a coffee mug, then repeats the process for another cup. He stirs them both at the same time with two different spoons.

Trailing her eyes over his gorgeous body, Ana takes in his appearance. His brown hair, usually straight, is fluffy with a slight wave to it, as if Ana's fingers pulling it the majority of the time made it that way. Bucky has pushed his hair away from his face, allowing the morning light to catch his blue eyes. They look bright, nearly glittering as he turns to put away the creamer. His face looks soft and sleepy, and there's a tiny smile pulling the corners of his mouth up; his lips red and bitten swollen. 

She sees a few darker spots beneath the hair on his face, littered along his jawline and the highest points of his neck. He’s wearing a pair of black sweat pants and a gray tank top, the neckline barely covering red little marks on his chest. Ana might have gotten a bit carried away nipping at his delicious skin. 

Bucky's left arm gleams against the sunlight streaming through the patio doors, his fingers wrapping around a mug. As the plates shift and slide, Ana suddenly remembers how good they felt on her skin; how good they feel. He's always so gentle with his metal arm, always so sure and careful never to hurt Ana, but she knows exactly how fast and hard his fingers curl inside her.

She swallows down the spike of arousal, ignoring it and shakes the thoughts from her mind. Bucky turns then, facing the hallway, stopping when he sees her. Ana smiles at him, pushing herself off the wall and walks toward the kitchen. He's returning the smile, wide and bright as she takes the mugs and places them down on the counter once more.

"You know, sweetheart." Bucky begins, his voice a little rough and low in the morning. "I had a plan to wake you up with coffee, then come back here to make breakfast but-"

Ana lifts herself up on her toes, cupping the side of his neck and kisses his soft lips. Bucky sighs into her mouth, his hands coming to rest on her hips. She slowly moves her lips against his, slipping her hand to the back of his head, lightly gripping his hair. Bucky keeps their kiss slow and simple, just lazy movements of their lips molding together.

"You were going to make me breakfast?" She questions once she pulls back.

He grins down at her, wide and bright and it makes Ana's heart swell. Makes heat surge throughout her body, as her stomach does backflips. She's so incredibly in love with his man.

"And coffee." He adds on. He swipes his thumb along her jaw. "You're stunning in the morning, did you know that?" He pecks her lips again. "I like you wearing my shirt."

"You're very sweet, babe." Ana whispers against his mouth. "And beautiful." She kisses him again. "Handsome." Another kiss. "And left me alone in bed to do all these lovely things."

Bucky laughs, pulling back a little. "Figured you might be sleeping still." He brushes her hair back. "What better way to wake up than with coffee?"

"You." Ana states simply. 

It's so sickeningly sweet it almost rots her own teeth. She can't help it though. Her feelings are swirling in a chaotic storm inside her. She has never felt this way about anyone ever before. It's alluring, exhilarating and scary all wrapped up in one. She almost wants to tell him, to confess how much she loves him, but the time isn't just right yet, maybe she'll wait until after they finish the Deprogramming Sessions.

Bucky's eyes soften. "I know that feeling." He says. His eyebrows pinched together briefly. He cups her face with both hands. "I don't deserve you, Annie doll."

"That's a new one, Winter Snowflake." Ana gently tugs on his hair. The new nickname almost takes away from what he said. "Also, I beg to differ."

Bucky just dips his head down and kisses her. It's tantalizingly soft, making her bare toes curls against the title floor. It sets every one of her nerves on fire and Ana has to brace her hand on his chest to steady herself. They kiss slowly, like time isn't a thing and they're not currently standing in the kitchen, with their coffee cooling in the mugs.

Suddenly, Bucky breaks the kiss, smiling sheepishly. He drops his hands from her face to her arms, and looks over his shoulder. Curious, Ana peers around his right arm, and standing right there is Pepper, dressed in white blouse, gray blazer and matching pencil skirt. Her cousin as an amused smirk on her lips, completing the full look of an executive woman.

"Pep, hi!" Ana greets brightly. "Would you like some coffee?"

"I would." Pepper nods, her smirking growing into a full smile. "I was going to order breakfast from Luna's Bakery before I left, but you two look like you've tasted something better."

Ana blushes, and steps away from Bucky to grab the coffee pot. Bucky's eyes widen, and his cheeks are beginning to turn red, so he pulls another mug from the cabinet. Once he sets it down, he busies himself with the filter of the coffee machine. Ana glares at Pepper as she fills the empty mug. Pepper shrugs nonchalantly.

"Wait." Ana speaks up, setting the pot down and grabbing her own mug. "You're leaving today?"

"Yes." Pepper sighs, carefully taking a sip of the coffee. 

The creamer and sugar appear suddenly in front of her, courtesy of Bucky. He goes to step away again, but Ana grabs his left hand. As Pepper thanks Bucky, Ana smiles up at him. She mouths that “ _it's okay_ ,” and gives him a look so he stays close. His eyes shift quickly over to Ana's cousin, then he drops a tender kiss to her forehead.

"Finished the final meeting last night." Pepper's voice redirects Ana's focus.

"How long this time?" Ana questions, lifting her mug to her mouth and sipping.

"I'm not sure, Buggy." She answers, a sad tone to her voice.

"Buggy." Ana hears Bucky mutter against his cup. Great. Ana purposely steps on his big toe, which in turn makes Bucky tug her the bottom of her hair.

"Not too long, I hope." Ana says. She can't help the pang of missing Pepper whenever she's gone. 

"You can always visit me too." She reminders her. Ana's gaze shifts over to Bucky "When you're not otherwise busy here, that is."

When she looks back at Pepper she winks, making Ana roll her eyes. "Tony going too?"

"For a little. He's got to put in some appearances at a few seminars. This is a really good cup of coffee. Cinnamon?"

"Bucky made it." Ana beams at him.

Bucky looks a little startled to be in the conversation, but he smiles politely at Pepper. "I can make more if you want?"

"Please, thank you. For the road." Pepper nods, giving him a friendly smile. Ana knows it to be one of acceptance and it makes her nerves settle.

Squeezing Ana's hand before he lets go, Bucky goes about making a fresh pot. Pepper catches Ana's eye and gives her a look with wide, excited eyes. Ana just continues to drink her coffee.

***

 

When Ana walks Pepper out to the car, Tony lagging behind to chat with Steve, Ana pulls her cousin aside. She makes sure they're out of ear shot, looking over her shoulder to see how distracted the men are. Pepper is looking at her with her eyebrows raised quizzically.

"I miss you, you know." Ana tells her quietly. "A lot."

"I do too, Ana. I worry about you, just as much recently." She says, pulling her in for a hug.

Ana basks in the familiarity of it, the comfort, the family bond. She inhales her scent, reminding her of simpler times, of her brother, of her parents, of their family get togethers. Of home.

"I think you're in good hands though."

Ana pulls back from the hug. "Do you really, because he doesn't seem to think so."

"I do." She nods seriously. "Despite his past, which I have come to understand, know and accept, was not of his own will, I do. I trust in your trust of him."

"Thank you." Ana breathes, feeling a weight she didn't know was there lift from her shoulders. Having Pepper's approval means more than anything or anyone else's. "What about Tony?"

Pepper waves her hand. "He's really come around, don't worry about him. He sees it."

Ana takes a deep breath, checking over her shoulder once more. When she looks back at Pepper, she exhales. "Pepper. I'm in love with him."

The reaction Ana gets is not the reaction she was expecting. Instead of pure shock on her face, Pepper's face melts into a fond expression, a soft smile on her red lips. Her blue eyes flicker behind Ana's shoulder briefly, then back.

"I know you are," She says kindly, grabbing both Ana's hands and squeezing. Ana frowns quizzically. Pepper leans closer, keeping her voice low. "I have never seen you look at someone the way you look at him, Ana."

Ana feels like a small puff of air is punched out of her. She had no idea she looks at Bucky differently than anyone else. It's not like she can see her own face when looking at him, that is ridiculous...she'd probably look ridiculously fond of him.

"Oh." Ana breathes. "Wait, you don't think he knows?" She frowns, slightly panicking 

"I think he's just as oblivious." Pepper's smile slowly fades away. "Buggy, what's the matter? Do you have reasons not to love him?"

Ana laughs incredulously, dropping her cousin's hands. "There's probably a million reasons why I shouldn't and he'd probably point them all out to me, but...there isn't. I don't have any hesitation about this, Pepper. About him. That should scare me, right? Shouldn't I be scare or something? Shouldn't I have doubts or make a pro con list or, I don't know, run the other direction or something? Is it this normal for love to be this simple? I don't know, I've only ever loved a guy once and I was 17 and mainly because he bought me chocolate covered espresso beans all the time."

"Ana." Pepper laughs. "Yes, it can be that simple. Or it can be hard. It will be both at some point, but it's okay. That's alright, and you're alright. Don't work yourself into a freak out because you aren't freaking out."

"Right, you're right. I just wasn't expecting..." Ana waves her hand uselessly in the air between then.

"Honey!" Tony calls from next to the car. "You ready? If I spend another minute chatting with Yoda over here I might fall asleep."

Pepper levels him with a look that makes Ana bite back a laugh. Steve is rolling his eyes behind Tony's back.

"Pep," Ana starts, pulling her cousins attention back to her. "Can you just keep this to yourself please?"

"Of course, Buggy." She pulls Ana in for a tight hug. "Don't hesitate to call if you need anything, Or just want to talk."

"Promise."

"Stay safe, alright. Stop overexerting yourself. You make people worry."

Ana release a sigh, squeezing Pepper tighter. "I promise."

Ana stands next to Steve waving goodbye as Tony drives them away. She feels a rather heavy arm wrap around her shoulders, Steve pulling his into his side for comfort. 

When they head inside, they find Sam lounging on the couch, and Bucky sitting at the island. Ezra is there, continuously knocking his head into Bucky's hands holding his mug. His expression has Ana biting back a laugh, his eyes are set dead ahead with his lips pinched, and he keeps lifting his mug, so coffee doesn't spill. He finally gives in to the cat, scratching behind Ezra's ears with his fingers. He hears them come in and the smile Bucky gives her has Ana's stomach flipping, and her heart fluttering.

***

Bucky is abruptly hit by the fact that they are about to go through Stage Eight of the Deprogramming Sessions. He knew this, they talked about this, but it doesn't stop him from scratching the arm rests with his fingers. He's nervous, of course, as he usually is when he is strapped to the chair, but it feels different this time around. It has everything to do with the girl next to him, chatting quietly with Max.

His nerves aren't as crippling as they were during earlier sessions, maybe it's because every single one of his thoughts is focused on Ana. She looked absolutely gorgeous in the early morning when Bucky woke up. Her face was peaceful, serene with the lack of haunting nightmares, and the olive tone of her skin was finally back. Her eyelashes fluttered against her cheekbones, her breathing even and slow, her hair falling over her neck which Bucky had gently brushed behind her shoulder.

Ana's skin was smooth and warm from pressing against his chest, but also littered with faint marks left behind by his mouth. Bucky just stared at her for a long time, just content to watch her sleep. He allowed himself, in the moment of their time, to revel in the fact that Ana is his. Ana snuggled against his shoulder, her calf hooked over his shin. Ana inhaling in the same air Bucky exhaled. Ana with her lax hand resting on his chest, directly over his heartbeat. Ana, who smelled like flowers and rain and sex and  _him_. Her scent was intoxicating, as is everything else about her. 

All Bucky wanted to do was wake up next to her every day. It's a thought that should terrify him and on another day, he might have let that happened. He didn't that morning. He just laid there, holding the most amazing person he ever came across in his arms. He tries holding onto that same feeling now, onto those same thoughts as Ana finally stands in front of him. She has a determined expression on her face, her eyebrows pinched slightly, and her mouth set into a line. It breaks after a few moments of staring at her.

"What?" Ana chuckles lowly, confused.

Bucky just shakes his head. "You're so beautiful."

Ana's chest expands as she smiles. "You're extra charming this morning, Winter Wonderland."

Feeling a little cheeky. despite the situation, Bucky winks. Ana laughs, leaning forward like she wants to kiss him. She stops at the last moment, swaying back. She turns her head slightly over her shoulder, peering up at the second level. Bucky understands; they aren't alone.

Agent Sharon Carter and Natasha are watching from the observation room, while Steve and Sam linger outside the door in the Lab. Max is the only guard on the first level, and two other agents are watching from the second level as well. Bucky didn't have a good feeling about those agents, Erik Woods and someone named Colin Jones, until Max informed him that he handpicked them for this.

The extra agents are only there to give the illusion that the Deprogramming Session are still going along as planned. Not to raise any suspicions that the Avengers are onto whatever scheme is being plotted. It's to protect Ana, to get an extra set of eyes, or ears, in case those agents know something and want to spill as they're casually watching. Turning back to face him, Ana gives him a soft reassuring smile. God, he just wants to kiss her senseless at the moment.

"Same rules as always, Bucky." She informs him.

"You got the bracelet then?" He counters.

To her credit, Ana refrains from rolling her eyes. She pulls out the black bracelet from her back pocket, clasping it onto her wrist and turning it on. She holds out her fist, like she didn't just put it on in front of Bucky. So, he rolls his eyes instead, and Ana bites back a smile.

"Ready, love?" She questions, taking a few steps back, the weapons table behind her.

The endearment doesn't get past Bucky. He's called her that before, but this is the first time Ana has slipped in a sweeter name, other than  _babe_...or her never ending list of Winter related nicknames. It makes Bucky's heart swell.

"Always, baby." 

Ana licks her bottom lip briefly, Bucky tracking the movement, before schooling her expression.

" _Zhelaniye."_ She says firmly, the word rolling off her tongue like she's a Russian native.

Bucky still has his eyes locked on her bottom lip, glistening in the florescent lights.

" _Rzhavyy._ " Her big, brown and gold eyes flicker to his left arm.

Almost subconsciously, Bucky flexes his bionic fingers. He notices Ana shift her weight from one hip to the other. He wonders how many weapons she is currently hiding. Given that the weather has turned cold and Ana has opted to wear knee high boots. He knows she has a small knife in the thick heel of her boot. Knows there's a Glock strapped between her breasts under her shirt. He wonders if Ana would ever wear a thigh holster, strapping it around her muscular tan thigh...

" _Semnadtsat_."

Something flickers in the back of Bucky's brain, and he has to shake his head once to rid the feeling. He inhales slowly, keeping his gaze locked with Ana. She looks to be appraising him, seems to decide something and continues. He exhales.

" _Rassvet_."

A feeling akin to an electric zap shoots through his head. It has Bucky clenching his fingers around the edges of the armrests. He shakes his head again, breathing in slowly through his nose, and out through his mouth. He grits his teeth, praying and fighting for that stinging in his brain to go away when an image invades his thoughts.

It's clear, sharp, like it's right in front of him. Ana sleeping naked and peaceful next to Bucky. Ana being held in his arms, soft and warm, delicate and beautiful. She doesn't know this, but Bucky always places light as air kisses along her forehead whenever he wakes before her. He just likes to memorize the details of her face, and gently kiss the faded freckles on her nose when he's that close. He then proceeds to carefully kiss the scars on her wrist. He gently squeezed his metal hand around the scars on her hip, as if he could erase those painful memories for her. He can't.

What he could do is remember Ana saying how gently he treats her. He remembers her saying that about both his hands, his touch, his actions and holds onto that now. He holds onto that feeling, those images and focuses on them, rather than the fading zapping feeling in his head. It's all to protect her.

Usually, Ana would check in with Bucky at this point, since the word  _Daybreak_  spoken in Russian is the first major trigger. She doesn't, and when Bucky opens his eyes, he didn't realize he closed them, her face is neutral, but her eyes are shinning with pride. He notices her fingers twitching, and Bucky narrows his eyes to silently scold her.

The corner of Ana's mouth pulls up for a moment before it's gone again. She crosses her arms, hiding her hands.

" _Pech_." She speaks, a slight hint of mirth in her tone.

Bucky inhales and exhales slowly, counting in his head, and briefly recalls feeling on fire. His nerves always feel like they're about to burst into flames whenever Ana touches his skin. Whenever Ana presses her lips to his bare chest, or on the site where the metal of his shoulder merges with his flesh. 

It's better than the fire of agony he felt in his bones when he was being experimented on, and injected over and over again with needles and burning liquids. He still can't recall most of those memories, just the pain he felt. As well as the white-hot pain searing through his head whenever the paddles of that machine would wipe him clean again. He remembers those clearly in his nightmares. Some of the memories may not clear, but the pain was. Always.

Ana takes a step forward. Bucky just shakes his head. He mentally counts and focuses on how Ana's skin feels pressed against his. He nods for her to continue. He can fight this off. He can work through this, because Ana is standing in front of him, open and vulnerable and he has to keep her safe from himself.

" _Devyat_."

Bucky thinks he might be smirking, but he can't be sure. He just knows the little golden dots in Ana's eyes catch the light, and it looks like glitter over melted chocolate. A bright gleam against something rich and warm.

" _Dobroserdechnyy_."

Ana says it quicker, almost directly after the sixth word and Bucky drops his head. That zapping feeling came back, his mind suddenly feeling fuzzy and confused. He grips the chair hard, breathing harshly through his nose. This one is hurting, this one is a reminder that Bucky was triggered. Bucky had attacked Ana. Bucky had hurt her and landed her in the medical ward. Bucky had caused Ana to drain her own energy into him; to fix him.

He cannot let that happen again. He feels the air prickle around him. Bucky quickly recalls the healing sessions, the feeling of pride he felt in himself for the briefest moment when he realized he had formed friendships. Then he remembers when he first kissed Ana softly, how she just melted against him. He remembers that first day he met her, her eyes sharp but kind, gentle around the corners, free of any judgement on his tainted reputation.

Abruptly, Bucky picks his head up and smiles at Ana. She looks tense, her shoulders tight and her mouth pinched, her eyebrows furrowed. Her hands are slightly raised, however she drops them when Bucky gives her the tiniest smile he can muster. Ana nods.

" _Vozvrashcheniye_."

There's a sudden darkness pressing in on Bucky, seizing all connections with his senses, until he can only feel one thing; pain. It's dark, too dark, he doesn't know where he is, he doesn't know if he can move. He can't think properly; can't decipher that one noise he keeps hearing through the pain. It's a soft, tender sound, pulls at his mind and his heart that he can now feel in his chest. It feels like home, which is crazy, because Bucky didn't think he had a home anymore. 

The darkness only lasts several seconds, although he felt like days, months, of it. Bucky opens his eyes, and all he can see standing in front of him is Ana. She's closer now, close enough that Bucky can smell her, the ever-present smell of roses and rain. He doesn't know how that's possible, considering that her shower soaps smell more like apples.

Again, Bucky recalls Ana smelling like flowers, but also smelling like him after they have sex. He remembers the first time he caught a whiff of her scent, how it captivated his senses. He recalls Ana on a day where she smelled more like rain. She laughed so hard that day, when Bucky had pulled her too hard and she pressed her face into his thigh and laughed. The sound had settled deep into his bones, and it was that day that Bucky began to really fall for her.

Her unabashed laughter, loud and bright with her eyes squeezed shut and her cheeks flushed. She looked stunning. Suddenly all Bucky sees is Ana's face. Her brown eyes dancing with mirth every time she teases him, calls him Winter Bunny, Sergeant Snowflake, Snow Flurry, any and all of her nicknames for him. He secretly loves them all. 

Her infectious smile and laugh that comes unexpectedly if Bucky makes a comment she wasn't anticipating. Or if Sam makes a joke, or if Clint wisecracks about Tony. Her best laugh is when they're laying together in bed, the sound quiet and reserved, only for Bucky. He knows this laugh, because Bucky will trail his fingers over her ribs and Ana is ticklish there, so she laughs breathlessly. She laughs when he kisses her. When he sucks and nips at her neck, when he kisses her hips. When he falls off the bed trying to reach out to her and bring her back to him when she gets up.

All Bucky sees is Ana. All Bucky feels is Ana, and all he feels is lo-

"Hey," Ana's soft voice breaks through his thoughts. The restraints unlock around his arms. "What's that look for? You did amazing." 

He feels her gentle hands on his face, his skin a little heated and sweaty beneath her touch. Bucky reaches up to pull her right hand away from his cheek, lacing his metal fingers with her own fingers. His mind is clear, bright, focused on the woman in front of him staring down at him with utter concern.

"Are you alright?" She questions, her eyes searching his. "Bucky, you with me, babe?"

"You are real." He murmurs. He places her hand to his chest, then puts his right hand on her chest. Her heart is beating faster than normal.

Ana's breath catches in her throat. She nods slowly before dropping her forehead to his. Bucky spends a few moments counting her rapidly heart beats. There's a faint buzzing in the air surrounding his body, but he can't tell if Ana is doing her energy healing on purpose or not. Bucky takes a deep breath, then leans back, staring up at her.

"Hi, Annie." Bucky breathes, offering her a smile.

"Hey, Snowflake." She smiles back, pushing her other hand into his hair.

Her fingertips slowly scratching his scalp makes his eyes flutter. If feels nice. She's done it before, mostly after they've had sex, or if they're just snuggled up together watching a movie. It's soothing then, and its soothing now. 

"I'm fine, baby. Promise." He tells her, relaxing under her gentle touch. Bucky forces his eyes open. Ana looks lost in thought. "What'cha thinking about, darling?"

"Really wanna braid your hair, to be honest." Ana mumbles, her lips twitching. Bucky snorts, it makes Ana chuckle. The noise fades off. "Thought you looked a little lost there for a moment."

"I'm here. Struggled a little, but I'm here."

Ana dips her head down again, her nose grazing his. "Proud of you, Bucky. Want to kiss you senseless later though."

Bucky swallows. He wants to get out of this room now, take Ana into his, and stay there all day, just holding her. Just to feel her in his arms and feel her soft, warm lips against his.

"I think I'm okay with that."

Ana laughs again, this time a little louder and steps back. She pulls Bucky up from the chair when she offers her hand, and he quickly assess the room for anything out of the ordinary. He just sees Max trying to hide a smirk, adverting his eyes and looking forward. Agent Erik Woods has a curious look on his face, and Agent Colin Jones his narrowing his eyes, like he's trying to figure something out. Ana quickly takes her hand away, Bucky not being the only one to realize they aren't the only ones in the room. 

 

***

 

Later, when they are alone, finally after another meeting that nothing seemed out of the ordinary for the Sessions, Bucky is kissing the breath out of Ana.

They're on the roof, one of the only place besides their rooms where they can get some privacy. Ana had dragged him there after the meeting and after shaking a few people off of them and pressed him down along the lounge chair. She climbed on top of him, straddling his hips and latched her lips to his.

What started out as a heated, passionate make out, slowly turned into languid little kisses. The passion is still there though, and Bucky can't keep his hands still, slowly roaming them along every inch of her body. Her silky thick, brown hair, her jaw, over the vein rabbiting in her neck, tapping her collarbone, trailing down her arms, her skin turning cold from the weather. He traces her curves, brushing his thumbs along the sides of her breasts, down her ribs, dipping over her waist, and flaring out over the curve of her hips. He slips his hands into the back pockets of her jeans, pulling her impossibly closer.

Ana keeps her hands steadier, one hand tangled in his hair, the other occasionally thumbing over his jawline, or pressing against his chest. Her lips are incredibly soft, her tongue hot against his, and he slowly grips her ass harder. It makes her chuckle against his mouth, and they just lay there, continuing to share slow kisses, broken up by little bouts of laughter.

"Two more, Winter Bunny." Ana mumbles against his lips. He can feel her smile.

"Can we end the rest of them like this?" Bucky asks, whispering into the kiss.

"Whatever you want, Sergeant."

Bucky kisses her deeply after that. His heart beating the fastest he's ever felt it.

 

**************************************************************************************************************************

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading and commenting! I love reading your guys' comments, they make my day!
> 
> 1- I think....I think I just mapped out the rest of this story.  
> 2-The name Colin Jones is a nod to Colin O'Donoghue/Killian Jones because Once Upon A Time ended tonight and now I'm sad forever.  
> 3-PLEASE go watch Political Animals, it's not new, I'm just late. 
> 
> <3


	45. Chapter 45

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Now I'm flyin' high, but I've got a feelin' I'm fallin'_  
>  Fallin' for nobody else but you  
> -Ella Fitzgerald, I've Got a Feelin' I'm Fallin'

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *sings* I can't stop writing smutty smut smut but it's important because of things* I may have had wine as well....
> 
> Enjoy!

Both Ana and Bucky are sitting in their usual spots in the Lab nearly a week later, waiting for Sharon and Natasha to finish the sweep of the area. She has her feet propped up on Bucky's thigh, his right hands slowly tracing shapes on her shin under her black pants. She ruffles through a Ziploc bag filled with different varieties of candy. Halloween may well be over, Ana completely forgetting the Holiday until Wanda bought bags of candy that were half off the day after.

"Do you want this?" Ana offers to Bucky.

She hands him two red Starbursts. He takes them both without question, mainly because she doesn't tend to share these candies. Bucky unwraps them and chews them happily, Ana knowing he had added the juicy candy to his favorites list. She then riffles through the variety of candies, and picks out a dark pink salt water taffy.

She places it on the desk, followed by several red and purple jellybeans. Bucky eats all the pieces she ends up putting on the desk until he slows his chewing, eyes narrowing into suspicious slits as he stares at her. Ana finds a pink Starburst, unwraps it and pops it into her mouth.

"Have you been giving me all the cherry flavored candies, because you don't like them?" Bucky asks her. More like calls her out for it.

Ana looks up at him for a beat, then back down to the bag. She pulls out an indigo colored taffy. "And the grape."

"You're ridiculous."

"It's why I have you."

"Hmm. I thought it was for my-"

She throws a yellow candy at his chest, effectively cutting him off. "I don't like lemon either."

"I was going to say!" Bucky starts indignantly. "For my charming, ruggedly handsome looks." 

"You're never going to let me live that down, are you?" Ana mutters darkly. Then she smiles sweetly. "It's because you're tall and can reach Sam's hidden stash of snacks on the top shelf."

"I fucking knew it."

Ana beams at him.

***

"Let me try this again, alright?"

"No. Absolutely not."

Ana narrows her eyes at Bucky and he counters the same look. "Well, Jon Snow, seeing as you're currently strapped to the chair, you can't make me stop."

"I can do other things when I'm free." Bucky's voice drops to low rumble, his eyes darkening.

Ana inhales sharply, ignoring the sudden tingling between her legs and flutter of her stomach. She bites her lip briefly, lest she accidentally lets out a whimper at the thought. Mentally she shakes herself out of her thoughts, and moves her fingers to his dark hair. She grabs three strains and begins to twist them together, one over the other with deft fingers.

"What-what are you doing?" Bucky inquires, his voice now taking on a flat tone.

"Nothing, honey." Ana says innocently, dropping the piece of hair she just worked on and grabs three more sections.

"Are you...are you  _braiding my hair_?"

She hums, then leans forward, making sure her lips graze the shell of his ear. "Yes. Because I can do whatever I want with you tied to this chair,  _Sergeant_." 

She lightly grazes her teeth over his ear, hearing Bucky's breathe stutter in his chest. Then, Ana leans back, hands on her hips. He looks a little dazed, his blue eyes glossy, and his red lips parted. He blinks rapidly, then his face falls into understanding.

"You're a little shit." He chuckles. "Such a minx."

"It's why you like me." She winks at him. 

Bucky's expressions soften, his smile, his eyes, even his breathing. He blinks slowly at her, nodding his head. Ana suddenly feels a change of his energy in the air. It's the complete opposite of anxiety, instead, it caresses her skin like a lovers touch. It makes Ana stand straight as she inhales quietly. She pushes that thought from her mind because that's ridiculous. She's never felt anyone's Energy feel like what she just described in her head.

Instead, she just focuses on the underlying apprehension radiating off Bucky's skin. It probably has to do with this being the second to last stage. He's nervous, itching to get this over with, as is Ana. They are so close to conquering this. Bucky is so close to fighting this, to overcoming all that shit Hydra has done to his mind, to his freewill.

Returning the smile, Ana powers on her bracelet, then glances behind her to double check the weapons table. She doubts she'll need it. She doubts she'll have to reach for her hidden weapons on her person. The one strapped between her breast, the one stowed away in the heel of her boot, the one in the sleeve of the opposite boot as it sits against her calf.

"Ready?" She questions, always has to make sure.

" _Si_." Bucky says in Spanish, his lips pulling up into a smirk. " _Siempre listo para ti, mi hermosa querida_." ( _always ready with you, my beautiful darling_ )

" _Usted encantador viejo ligón_." Ana responds after her slight shock of the language, shaking her head and smiling. ( _you charming old flirt_ )

"I really hope you two didn't just say something dirty to each other." Max quips from the door

Ana subtly scratches her jaw with her middle finger. Max snorts.

"Who's Jon Snow?" Bucky suddenly questions.

"Ana!" Max gasps, scandalized.

"We haven't gotten around to watching it yet." Ana explains, laughing. "He's a character from a show called _Game of Thrones_ , who is from, get this... _Winter_ fell."

Bucky glares at her. "Great."

"That's a compliant, babe." Ana puts her hands on her hips and clears her throat. "Alright. Serious time. Ready?"

"Yes,  _doll_."

Ana lets it pass, almost, since she rolls her eyes. "I want to do something a little different, something like we did during the Healing Session. I'm going to say each word and feel your energy."

Expectedly, Bucky doesn't like it. He frowns deeply at her. "Ana, no."

"I want to feel where your energy is at this point," She continues like she didn't hear him. Bucky shakes his head. "It'll determine if we need to repeat this Stage over or doing another Healing Session."

"Annie-

"I have to make sure, Bucky." Ana snips, crossing her arms. "Plus. I've gotten plenty of sleep, so I shouldn't pull a _Stranger Things_ and bleed from my nose.

The quizzical look on his face has Ana adding that show to their long list of must watch Netflix shows. Finally, Bucky sighs, resigned and exasperated, something she has grown used to over the months. Dropping her arms, Ana nods and offers him a reassuring smile, which he returns

She flicks her gaze over to Max giving him a signal. He's alone on their level, but knows Agent Woods and Jones are in the observation room with Natasha and Sharon. Clint is there too this time around, and Ana is 100% sure it's because he's bored and Steve won't let him shoot apples out of Sam's mouth.

Shifting her eyes back to Bucky, she begins. 

 _"Zhelaniy_ e." She counts to ten.  _"Rzhavyy_." Again. " _Semnadtsat'_."

Ana says the first three words at a steady pace, attentive to any change in the air. There is none. She watches Bucky closely, searching for any signs of discomfort, but the only thing she notices is his eyebrows pinched together. Her fingers tap against the arm rests and his jaw clenches once. Nothing changes in his energy.

" _Rassvet_." She speaks, the word rolling off her tongue.

An abrupt prickling stirs the air between them, Ana zeroing in on it. It happens the second Bucky winces, squeezing his eyes shut and gritting his teeth. Ana holds her hands up, stepping closer, feeling the tainted energy sting her fingertips. She recalls Bucky talking about why this is the first true trigger, about the abuse and torture those disgusting monsters put him through.

She remembers the flash of fear in his ice blue eyes, the small twitch of his eyebrows, the change in his demeanor. Before Ana can transmute the negative to a more positive energy, Bucky inhales deeply, then blows his breath out audibly. He cracks his eyes open, just a sliver of powder blue visible through his narrowed eyelids.

It's that small look of determination fighting through his brain, that pins Ana to that day. Quickly, she channels her own energy, what she felt that day when Bucky confessed about seeing her in the morning light. She knows it's the same thing he is holding onto now. Ana flicks her wrists, and the prickling stops.

Bucky lifts his head fully, slowly opening his eyes and blinking. Then, he smiles brightly at her. Ana drops her hands, pride swelling up in her chest.

" _Pech'_." She continues, fighting off her smile. They aren't done yet.

Metal and flesh hands clench and unclench. A small twitching of Bucky's head, then he stills. Breathes in and out. Ana barely has to change his energy around before it sizzles out. He nods.

" _Devyat_." Ana closes her eyes one this one, hiding the golden specks away. The air feels calm between the, the only sign of struggling is the scraping of metal fingers against the chair. The slight whining of metal plates shifting.

"You have nine little freckles on the bridge of your nose." Bucky whispers.

He's coherent, that's for sure. Opening her eyes, Ana shakes her head fondly, biting back her smile. She goes through the next two words, spoken at the same speed she recalls from that video she watched months ago. Very little happens. The air does change a few times, wavering around Bucky as he trembles slightly, his head twitching to rid whatever he's feeling in his chest.

" _Odin_."

"You're real." Bucky breathes out, his head tilted back against the chair. He flexes his fingers. "You are the realest thing to me. Always, Ana.  _Fuck_." He hisses the last word, gritting his teeth.

"Bucky." Ana murmurs, closing the distance between them.

He's aware, he isn't triggered, but something still darkens his energy. Carefully, Ana places her right hand over his chest, feeling the solid beating of his heart. Slower than hers, but slowly bringing to pick up in speed. To anyone else, it would just feel like at normal heat beat. To Ana, she has memorized the slow, regular beating of his serum-laced heart, and she knows, if it matches her own, Bucky is nervous. She can't pin point of what he is nervous about though.

"Feel this. Come back to me." She coaches. She taps her thumb twice against his sternum, her own little habit of doing the same movement on her collarbones. 

His arms make an abrupt movement, so Ana unlocks the restraints. Immediately, Bucky sits forward, hugging his arms around her waist, pressing his face into her stomach.

"I'm here. I'm still with you." He promises, whispers the words into her ribs. His fingers digging into the exposed skin of her hips.

Ana feels his warm breath through her thin button up shirt. It sends waves of warmth down her spine. She rests her hands on his head, slipping her fingers into his hair at the back of his head. Bucky releases a content little sigh, making Ana's heart skip a beat.

Since Max is the only guard in the room, and from how Ana is positioned in front of Bucky, she gently pulls his head back enough to drop a soft kiss to his forehead. He blinks slowly up at her.

"You know I wouldn't usually ask this," Bucky starts, his voice low and husky. "But can you do the energy thing one more time? Just to be sure?"

Nodding, Ana moves her fingers to his temples, his skin slightly damp from sweat. She breathes in through her nose, shutting her eyes and feels that lingering nervousness, that fear still latched onto his mind. Slowly, Ana changes it around, feels her own energy swirl around her, conveys her own faith, her own pride in him. She needs him to know, to finally understand that he has been conquering these Stages, be them difficult or easy. Bucky is doing it. Bucky is overcoming what Hydra fucked him over with. What they stole, what they ruined, what they did to literally whip and zap him into compliance.

Bucky is deprogramming.

A soft gasp of air brings Ana back. She taps her fingers against his temple once, then drops her hands to his shoulders. Bucky stares up at her, his deep blue eyes shining with clarity. He smiles at her, a slow pull of his lips that cause the corner of his eyes to crinkle. His expression is soft, open and calm, ad Ana presses her thumb to the corner of his left eye.

"One more." Bucky murmurs, releasing a shuddering breath.

It's a heavy and liberating statement all at once.

***

There's silence throughout the living facility, most everyone out to a casual charity event they were invited to. Ana welcomes the quiet more than she expected and opted out of going to the event. She stayed behind to catch up on some emails from Telly, inquiring if there was any more information about pulling memories from that advance machine. Telly also mentions something about creating Ana new knee support, just in case Stark's technical rods fail. She keeps that last bit to herself. Bucky joins her a while later.

They rarely make it through the entire film on movie nights anymore. It always starts off innocent, snuggling on the couch and ignoring Clint when he passes by sometimes. Always tossing a little teasing comments their way. The thing is, most of the snacks are already gone and Ana has seen  _Love Actually_  so many times, she can recite the movie. In fact, this is Bucky's third time seeing it. It's also playing on TV rather than the disk, so really, it was an impromptu snuggle movie session.

It's Bucky's fault. He was the one that started the slow, trail blazing touch of his metal fingers along her exposed hipbone where her shirt had ridden up. His fault that his hand travels down further, over her thigh and squeezing just so under the blanket. His fault that the tightening in her lower stomach starts up, as his fingers barely grazed over the dip between her legs. His fault that she has to bite her lip to keep from moaning. But it's Ana's fault that the smallest whimper escapes her.

That ignites a mischievous side of Bucky, one that has slowly been making its way to the surface lately. He dips his fingers under the waistline of her colorful patterned leggings, his touch on her bare skin making her shiver. It's Bucky who has to stifle an aroused groan when he realizes she isn't wearing underwear; it's just easier to forego them in the leggings.

He sinks his hand further, over her pubic bone, until Ana feels the cold press of his steel fingers against her clit. Her mouth drops open, her head turning into his bicep. He rubs slow, but firm circles and it has Ana trembling like a leaf within seconds. Bucky is pressing little kisses along her forehead, to her temple, until Ana tilts her head back, and kisses her lips. It's after he kisses her does two of his fingers move down. He moans against her mouth because his fingers slip inside her so easily, wet and so, so fucking ready for him.

"Fuck." He hisses, slowly pumping his fingers in and out.

There's something about fingering her with his left hand that turns Ana on inexplicably fast; faster than lightening, until Bucky curls his fingers. She loses a good amount of her control at that. Her hand that had been on Bucky's thigh, moves to gently squeeze his thick, hardening cock over his sweatpants. She strokes her fingers over the growing line, pressing down by the head, watching a damp spot form over it.

"Goddamn." Ana breathes, breaking away from the kiss. "You're going to make me come right here, Bucky. Fucking hell."

Bucky chuckles lowly in his throat, pressed right against her ear. "That is my intention, darlin'."

Ana sighs. "And you call me dirty.  _Sergeant_." She had said the last word with all of her own intentions of being fucked into her mattress. It shouldn't be a thing, but it is definitely a thing for Bucky.

"Alright. Room. Now." He commands, slowly pulling his glistening fingers out of her pants and standing up.

"So bossy, Winter Bunny." She mutters, tossing the blanket off her. When Ana stands, Bucky had wraps his arms around her waist, hoisting her off the ground. Ana is laughing.

"We'll see who's soft and fluffy after I'm through with you." He threatens playfully.

"Still you, Winter Snowflake." She tugs on the back of his hair.

Bucky grabs her by the nape of her neck, bringing her down into a heated kiss. He brings them to her room that way.

 

***

On a particularity hard thrust, one that makes Ana's toes curl, and a low gasp emit from her throat, she thinks this is their best sex to date, their fourth time being a close runner up. Bucky's left hand is holding her knee to his hip, while his right fingers are interlaced with hers. Ana's free hand is tangled in his hair at the back of his head, pushing his face close to her neck. He's trailing his mouth along her neck, nipping and sucking at certain spots. His teeth sink down on a well-bitten spot already, causing Ana to arche her back. He begins to drive his hips harder against hers, moving his face to hover hers, lips grazing together. He breathes into her, Ana inhales, her hand dropping from his hair to his back. Sweaty and warm, and she digs her nails into his skin.

Bucky is rolling his hips in a way that has Ana's eyes rolling into the back of her head. She bites down on his bottom lip, causing a deep guttural groan from his throat. He tightens his hand in hers, and snakes his left arm around her low back, hoisting her hips up a little. It changes the angle, and a slow, prickling warmth begins to seep over her entire body.

" _Fuck yes_." Ana hisses against his mouth.

"You're so fucking beautiful, Ana." Bucky tells her, panting with his thrusts. "God, you feel so good."

She releases a broken moan, catching in her throat when Bucky snaps his hips forward. He keeps her still for a moment, swiveling his hips, and his thick cock grinds so deep inside her, it makes Ana cry out in pleasure.

"Always so amazing, babydoll."

Ana feels herself tighten around him at the pet name. It's not one he particularly uses, or one she's fond of, but in this moment, it feels different. It feels soft, caring, loving. 

"Bucky." She whimpers. Can't help herself give everything over to him, tears prickling at the corners of her eyes from sheer pleasure. "Bucky..."

"I've got you, love."

He says it so tenderly, pressing his lips softly against hers. It's a startling contrast with how fast he picks his thrusts up again. Ana kisses him back so deeply, so passionately, it literally takes her breath away. They kiss for as long a she can, until she's breaking it by turning her head. She gasps, either for air or because the head of his cock is rocking against her g-spot. Either way, it sets fire to her veins, her eyes fluttering shut.

Bucky trails his lips over her jawline, down her neck, and biting at her collarbone. He's moaning against her skin and it vibrates down to her bones. Ana thinks she's beginning to float, and the only thing keeping her grounded is the beautiful man she is tangled up with. She wraps her legs around his waist, pulls him even deeper, her nails leaving crescent shapes in his back. Bucky slowly untangles their fingers, moving his hand to turn her face, and brushes away the hair sticking to her sweaty forehead.

"Look at me, darling." He breathes, carefully moving her head back.

When Ana opens her eyes, she didn't even realize she shut them, she's met with deep, blue ones, glowing almost sliver in the night. There's so much adoration there, so much care in his eyes, in his touch, in her words, it makes her heart palpitate. Makes the fire in her stomach, down to her core, intensify, and she briefly wonders how her skin isn't burning Bucky's. She's captivated by his fierce gaze, his eyes always seeming to enthrall her.

"So beautiful." He tells her again, murmurs the words that wrap around her body. "Don't know how I got so lucky."

Ana leans up to kiss him once more. She feels his hand move to the base of her throat, and abruptly she feels the beginning signs of her orgasm. He must feel the same, when she moves her fingers back to his hair and tugs sharply. He gasps into her mouth, his hips frantic now, stuttering. 

"Gonna make me come so hard. Fuck." Ana says against his lips. 

"Come for me, Annie." He commands softly.

Ana drops her head back, her eyes half open as they stare into his lust blown ones. There's something burning on the tip of her tongue. It started from her toes and curled its way up her spine. Ensnares every part of her body, her mind, her soul. Her heart. She brings her hand to Bucky's face, gently cupping his cheek and thumbing under his eye. She traces his cheekbone, his jawline, his puffy, red, kiss bitten lips. She begins to come, and it slips out.

"I love you."

Her body tenses up, back arching, pressing so close to Bucky's chest she can almost feel his heartbeat. She moans long and low, gasping his name. Bucky drops his head to her neck, thrusts his hips forward twice more, stills and comes inside her. She can feel herself clench tightly around his cock, twitching against her walls, squeezing every last drop of come. There's a firm bite at her neck, his teeth sinking into her skin as he groans.

"I love yo-"

Bucky kisses her hard, deep, passionate and she nearly comes again. He curls his tongue against hers, teeth clicking and lips sliding hotly together. They stay like that, kissing, pressed together so closely Ana doesn't know where she ends and where he begins. They kiss until their breathing slows, and their bodies comes down from the high they escaped to. They kiss until the urgency of it calms down, morphing into smaller movements, softer little pecks. 

He kisses her lips three more times, then slowly, carefully, rolls off her. He slips his left arm out from under her back, pressing his knuckles against her own. It's so hot around them that the press of the metal stays warm. Ana turns her hand over, lacing their fingers together. They breathe slow, steady, their chests heaving, skin sticky with exertion. She feels a change in the air a minute later.

Bucky slowly tenses up. His muscles grow tight. The low sounds of him inhaling through his mouth interrupts the quiet that had settled over them. He's slowly realizing what was said, slipping out into the air in the heat of the moment.  _Twice_. It slipped out twice. Within a span of thirty seconds. His metal hand squeezes her right one briefly, before he releases the pressure and beings to pull away. To sit up. To leave.

Ana's heart clenches, and she sits up quickly, just as Bucky does, swinging his legs over the edge of the bed. The muscles of his back shift, as if he's deciding if he should run or not. He exhales a shuddering breath. He turns his head, just a small little movement, like he wants to look back at her. He doesn't. Instead, with fear surging up in the pit of her stomach, Bucky makes to get up. Ana grabs his hand, panic surging up insider her.

"Please, Bucky." She begs quietly. Ana never begs, but this. This is different. She doesn't think she'll be able to handle it if he leaves. Walks out that door without a word. "Please. Don't leave me."

He sinks back down to the mattress, his back still turned towards her. His shoulders are tense, hunched up. His flesh hand is gripping the sheets. His breathing is steady, calculated, the way he does when he's working through his anxiety. Ana bites her trembling lips; her body still shaky from her orgasm.

"It just-" Ana begins, closing her eyes. "It just came out-"

"Heat of the moment." Bucky states, and is tone is off. Cold almost.

"Yes, and no." She reopens her eyes, staring at his rigid, muscular back. "I don't regret saying it...because I meant it. I mean it, but please, Bucky. Please don't walk away. Whether you want to go because you feel like you don't deserve it, or because...because you don't feel the same." 

A sharp pain shoot through her chest at that thought. "You don't have to say anything, nothing at all. Just please, stay with me? I don't know what I'll do if you walk out that door. I just...I want you to stay. Please."

Several long, silent moments pass by. Then, Bucky drops his shoulders, slipping his hand out of hers. He stands up, not glancing back at her, and walks forward. Ana's heart seizes up in painful fear, clenching the muscles in her chest. However, Bucky walks right pass the closed door, making his way to her bathroom. 

Ana releases a sharp breath, placing her trembling hand over her mouth. God, for one heart stopping moment, she thought he was going to leave. She brings both her hands up to her face, hiding behind her palms. She's taking deep breaths to calm her pounding heart. The hurt that was building up in her chest fades away, and what's left is a small amount of relief. She hears the water running for a bit, before it shuts off.

There's a soft  _thunk_ on the nightstand. The mattress dips down next to her. Damp fingers wrap delicately around her wrists, lowering her hands. Bucky meets her gaze briefly, flashing a rather self-deprecating smile, before he picks up the small towel he brought from the bathroom. He gingerly lifts the cloth to her skin where her neck meets her trap, dabbing carefully on her skin. He keeps his eyes low, concentrating on the spot.

"Might've bitten a little too hard this time." He explains, voice low and rough.

"I like it." Ana murmurs, feeling her cheeks heat.

"Kinky dame."

Ana smiles a little. "Your forties slang comes out when we have sex."

Bucky huffs through his nose, a ghost of a smile gracing his lips. He tosses the towel into the bathroom, then grabs the glass of water he set down earlier. He hands it to her. Ana accepts it silently, pausing for a split second before taking a long drink. She relishes in the coolness of the water going down her throat, however it does nothing to stop the anxiety churning her stomach. She sets the glass back down, ignores the burning gaze and closes her eyes.

"We don't-" She begins slowly, softly. She brings her fingers up to her shoulders, pressing down on the muscles. "We don't have to talk about it. Ever. It doesn't have to be brought up again, just- yeah. Probably never bring it up again. We can just forget about it, no big deal. Just pretend it never happened. It's all good."

Ana suddenly leans over the other side of the bed, grabbing the first piece of material she feels. When she picks it up, she realizes it's Bucky's shirt. Lovely. She drops it, and goes for something else, when a cool hand strokes her bare back along her spine. Slowly, Ana straightens herself, gathering the duvet and pulling it up to her chest.

There's a fond softness around Bucky's eyes, crinkling just a little by the corners. The blue of his irises gleam against the moonlight streaming through the window. He looks quaint, despite almost leaving before. His expression is open, relaxed, as he cups her jaw in both his hands. He leans forward until he presses his lips softly against hers. The delicacy of the kiss makes Ana's heart flutter; melts away the anxiety she's been holding off since the words slipped out.

He moves his lips slowly against hers, his fingers slipping into the damp roots of her hair. The pads of his fingertips gently scratch her scalp, a comforting gesture and it has the lingering tension in Ana's muscles fading. Bucky leans her back against the headboard, keeping their kiss slow and sensual. As if he's trying to convey to her that whatever just happened is okay. It's going to be okay.

Tentatively, he swipes his tongue along the seam of her lips, Ana easily opening up for him. She wraps her arm around his torso, still warm from their activities, bringing him closer to her body. She allows her right hand to trace along the slates and dips of his prosthetic arm, listening as it quietly whines beneath her touch. She trails her fingers from his forearm, to his bicep, over his shoulder and stops along the soft scruff on his jaw.

They kiss for a little while longer, just breathing into each other’s mouths, and touching each other’s skin. Ana's heart has finally calm down to the normal, or well, normal rate when she's around Bucky. It reminds her of their second kiss, when they were testing the waters. They kiss until Bucky, reluctantly if feels like, pulls away. He presses three little pecks to her lips before pushing his forehead to hers.

"Sleep?" Bucky murmurs. Thumb swiping back and forth on her cheekbone.

"Will you stay?" Ana asks. Her voice sounds timid in her own ears.

He nods. "I can't leave you."

The use of the word  _can't_  instead of  _won't_  doesn't go unnoticed. Bucky nudges her until she moves over, making more room for him. He settles in next to her, helping her slip her legs beneath the covers. He wiggles down until he's in a comfortable position, and beckons Ana to cuddle up by tapping the right side of his chest. Ana shimmies, gets comfortable herself, laying on her side with her right leg hooking over his. Before she lays down, however, Ana leans over his chest, pressing a kiss to the center.

"Thank you." She whispers into his skin. 

She settles down after that, Bucky's arm wrapping tight around her shoulders. Ana lays her hand flat on his abs, her eyes fluttering close as she listens to his heartbeat. She begins to drift off to the soothing movement of his breathing and his warm fingers stroking along her arm.

Ana doesn't really know how much time passes, and she drifts in ad out of sleep for a while. She can still feel Bucky's slow, gentle strokes along her skin. Can hear his heart beating faster than normal, but she's almost too far gone to notice it. She thinks she feels the press of warm lips against her forehead. She can't be sure, exhaustion weighing in her bones. She also can't be sure if what she hears next is what was actually said.

"I am not deserving of any part of you. Especially your love, sweetheart."

Ana frowns. Can't decipher if the deprecating words are real or in her dream. She snuggles closer to the warmth she's laying against. She has to reply to the person half way between reality and dreamworld.

"But you are." She mumbles.

She tips into a full slumber after that.

***

 

Flies, photos and papers lay out across the surface of the desk. Years of patience, of planning, are finally coming to an end.

"Sir?"

"The plan is all set." There's an excited glee coloring the tone of his voice. "Now, we wait."

 

********************************************************************************************************************************************

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Translation: "Si. Siempre listo para ti, mi hermosa querida." =Yes. Always ready with you, my beautiful darling.  
> "Usted encantador viejo ligón." =You charming old flirt
> 
> Um. So....like...there may or may not be about five chapters left........that's the plan. For now.
> 
> As always, thank you for reading and commenting! <3


	46. Chapter 46

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Literally nothing but fucking fluff of all the fluff of all the fluffest fluffy fluff. I hate myself. Oh, and implied smut.

For the first time since Bucky has found a permanent spot in Ana's bed, she has a fitful sleep. She wakes up, staring at the ceiling for ten minutes, before deciding that sleep isn't going to come. A rather heavy arm is wrapped around her hips, and she takes a solid three minutes to carefully and slowly removed Bucky's left arm from her body. She succeeds, finally, and as silently as she can, gets out of bed. She waits several long moments, watching Bucky frown and scrunch the sheets in his fist, but he remains asleep.

She pulls on Bucky’s shirt, and a new pair of leggings, then makes her way out her window, and up the stairs to the roof, finding the little pile of pebbles and rocks she keeps under the chairs. The night is darker than usual, a thin sheet of clouds covering the moonlight. It makes throwing the pebbles at the tree stump below harder, but Ana has been tossing rocks at it for years, and she knows the exact spot and amount of strength and arch she needs to hit it.

One by one, Ana throws the rocks, followed by muted thumps as she hits the stump. She's attempting to clear her mind, attempting to keep whatever of her own energy she is feeling at bay. She just feels rather stupid and embarrassed, confessing her love to Bucky like that.

Who even does that? Why did she even say it? She knew it would probably freak him out, it freaked her out when she realized just how in love with him she is. God, what a fucking idiot. At least he stayed when she asked him, more like begged him to stay. She has no idea what she would have done if he left.

She would have let him leave too, because she knows he probably has to process it, has to figure it out. Then, she probably would've found Ezra, headed to Wanda's room and cry while pressing her face into the cat's furry belly. Wanda would have let her stay the night and cry it out about how much of a fucking idiot Ana is. Then, her friend probably would've used her Harry Potter type magic powers to force Ana and Bucky to sit and talk. Wanda doesn't like when people tip toe. A quiet squeak from the door pulls Ana from her thoughts.

"It's strange," Comes Bucky's reversed voice from behind her. "Getting used to waking up next to you, then suddenly, you aren't there. Your spot is empty and cold. I don't like it." He lowers himself to the ground, leaving a foot a space between them. "Makes me feel...like I fucked it all up."

Frowning, Ana drops the pebbles in her hands, looking over at him He’s shirtless, but wearing a pair of sweatpants hung low on his hips. "Why is it you always think you fucked something up? Why can't it be me doing the fucking instead?"

The corner of Bucky's mouth twitch.

"That came out wrong, you know what I mean." Ana says flippantly, waving her hand in the air. "I'm the one who said it. I'm the one who made it weird and begged you to stay with me, despite knowing how you felt."

Now Bucky is frowning at her.

"I could feel your nervous energy," She whispers, dropping her gaze to her hands. She picks up one of the pebbles, rolling it between her finger tips. "The anxiety, slight panic...I'm sorry."

Ana feels the cool fingers of his metal hand brush gently against her jaw. He carefully turns her face, so she is now staring straight into his eyes. Deep blue eyes that are shinning with different types of emotions, and Ana is too tired mentally to figure them out. However, Bucky is smiling at her, a soft little tilt of his dark pink lips, and it makes his eyes crinkle at the corners.

"You don't regret it?" He inquiries quietly. "You meant it?"

Ana nods, trying to keep her eyes open. She place her hand over Bucky's, the metal cooling her overheated skin. "I mean it, fuck, I think I've meant it to myself for months now. I love you, Bucky."

"Thank you."

"And I'm not taking it back because that's how I feel and- wait. What?" She is so confused.

He leans forward, pressing his forehead to hers. He then grabs Ana's other wrist, bring her hand to his bare chest, just off to the left. He presses her palm firmly against his skin. She sees the steady rise and fall of his chest, breathing calm and relaxed. Beneath her hand is the opposite, and Ana suddenly remembers them during the Healing Session. His heart is beating wildly, fluttering like frantic wings, and it would be fine, it would, if it weren't for the fact that this fast a heartbeat could be dangerous for Bucky. It's what made the monitors in the medical ward go off.

"Sometimes, Annie," Bucky begins softly, his metal thumb swiping over her cheekbone, "I'm at a loss of words with you. I don't know what to say, but I can allow you to feel what I  _want_ to say."

She feels his frantic heartbeat, his steady breathing, cool steel and the warmth of his skin despite it the temperature being in the mid-50's. She feels hard muscles and smooth skin. She feels delicate touches and tender kisses. She feels a phantom of a tight grip on her hips, the soothing touch over her scars. She feels the gentle weight of his body over hers, feels shivers run down her spine when he presses into her. She feels shaky pants when their lips brush together. She feels protected, she feels safe, she feels like she is the only person Bucky ever looks at. Ana feels love.

Her breath catches in her throat, her own heart beginning to slam against her chest. Her stomach swoops and twists, dropping down on this roller-coaster she's been on since Bucky came into her life. Ana can feel her eyes widen, and she slowly leans back, breaking contact with Bucky so she can look into his eyes betters.

Ana is speechless, just staring openly at him. She's sure her mouth is gaping because she's trying to regulate her breaths by inhaling through her mouth. Bucky's smile is gone, replaced with apprehension, with self-doubt that suddenly flickers in his beautiful eyes. He squeezes her knuckles briefly.

The movement breaks Ana out of her stupor, and she blinks three times. She shakes her head, just a small little jerk because she doesn't know how to respond to this. She knows exactly how Bucky must have felt back in her room. This whole time, or maybe just now, Bucky has been feeling like this. Or, maybe it's not the same at all and he is just showing her how he feels after sex, or maybe it's-

Bucky's soft lips are pressing against her now, effectively shutting up the little doubting voice in her head. Ana nearly melts into the kiss, instantly heating up every fiber in her body. She moves her lips with his, lips molding together like puzzle pieces. He trails his hand from her face, to her neck and over her fluttering pulse point, down to her chest. He taps his thumb twice against her collarbone. 

Slowly, after several long moments, Bucky pulls back. "Come back to bed with me, baby." He murmurs, kissing the tip of her nose. 

"Okay." Ana breathes, finally forming a word. "Okay. We'll talk later right?"

"Whatever you want, darling."

Once they're back in Ana's bed, Bucky pulling her as close as she can because she's cold, she snuggles her head under his chin. They hold each other tightly, and Ana falls back to sleep to the wild beating of Bucky's heart.

***

 

"Really?"

Ana quirks her eyebrow up as a challenge, staring at the thin screen displaying Tony's face. "You called for a meeting at the ass crack of dawn, and you have an issue with me bringing coffee?"

"It's eight thir- that's the entire pot."

"Your point?"

"The both of you, I swear." Tony ends up muttering, but there's a tiny smile teasing his lips. He always smiles while comparing the habits of her and Pepper.

"No mugs?" Clint speaks up from his chair, lounging back with his feet propped up against the table. His eyes are closed, hands linked together behind his head. He's not even looking.

"I have a straw." Ana states, making a show of putting the tiny straw into the pot.

She hears Bucky sigh next to her, sliding an empty mug across the surface of the table. Clint catches it the second it falls off the edge and smiles. Ana begrudgingly follows it with the pot of coffee after filling hers and Bucky's mug. When she sits, his hand finds its way to her left knee, squeezing gently. She smiles at him, watching him return a small one as well. It's how Bucky looks in the morning, giving her a soft smile every time she wakes up. She's getting used to seeing his fond smile every morning. They're so into their own little bubble, still sleepy from another late night, that Ana doesn't even hear everyone else walk in.

Someone clears their throat, and someone else sets a mug down heavily, a loud thump that startles Ana. Bucky chuckles under his breath as she glares over at the sound. Natasha beams brightly at her, her slender fingers wrapped around Clint's mug. Ana pays more attention, realizing that Sharon and Steve have arrived as well.

"Alright." Sharon begins, her voice falling into an authoritative tone. "We won't beat around the bush here. Tony, Captain Rogers and I called this meeting to specifically evaluate the Deprogramming Sessions."

Ana and Bucky share a quick look, his eyebrows twitching together for a moment. Ana shakes her head since she had no idea that's what this was about. She glances at Tony's face through the holographic screen hovering in the air, then back at Sharon.

"Uh," Ana says dumbly, the caffeine yet to kick in. "Are the reports not enough of an evaluation? You need it verbally as well?"

"Correct." Sharon nods. 

"It's to see how well the process has been coming along," Steve says, "and how Bucky has been doing."

"Fine." Bucky answers, his voice short and professional. Though he's giving Steve a look, who responds with raising his eyebrows. Ana doesn't even begin to decipher their silent communication skills.

The strange tone of this conversation clicks in Ana's brain the same time Tony speaks up. "All clear. No bugs, or breech in the room." He informs, tapping the frame of his sunglasses. 

"You were scanning for wires?" Ana questions. 

"In light of recent events that landed you in a hospital bed, yes. I was scanning to make sure whoever is behind that event has no idea about this meeting."

The sound of metal scraping against polished wood draws Ana's eyes to Bucky. He's staring resoundingly at the table, the muscle jumping at his jaw. Soft mechanical noises are coming from his left arm as he grips the table. Ana places a gentle hand on his thigh, trying to comfort him.

"Right." Ana says, turning to face everyone. "What's this really about then?"

"And why exactly am I here for this?" Clint asks, stealing his mug back from Natasha.

Steve ignores him. "You've performed nine stages already, two of which have been compromised-"

"One." Ana interrupts. "Simon Mills was just a bag of dicks."

Clint snorts from across the table.

"Right." Steve levels her with a look, but Ana can see the amusement in his eyes. "One, then. It's coming to an end, but the question is, do you want to start it over again? Your methods of Deprogramming aren’t by any sort of book. You've been going about it differently. In your own amazing way, of course, don't get me wrong."

Ana frowns. She can't tell if Captain America just insulted her or not.

"What I think Rogers is trying to say here, do you feel confident about this last stage?" Natasha pipes in, rolling her eyes.

"Yes." Steve sighs in relief. "That is what I meant. You've done great, Buck." He addresses towards his friend, then winces. "Unfortunately, given the fact that you were triggered, we just have to make sure you completely conquered it. If you feel confident in yourself."

Bucky has remained silent this entire time, his hand still a firm pressure on Ana's thigh. He looks like he's mulling it over. Ana would gladly repeat each stage if that's what he wanted. If that's what he feels is necessary to overcome everything Hydra forced into his brain. Ana is confident in him, but she hasn't asked what Steve just did.

Slowly, he nods. "Those triggers," Bucky begins quietly keeping his eyes locked on Steve. "Felt different. Like there was something holding me back from completely submerging into that darkness. I've been thinking about it for a while, trying to figure out why." He glances at Ana, so she offers him an encouraging smile. 

"I thought it might be the lack of the electro-" He pauses, swallowing. Ana feels a spike of anxiety in the air. "That machine." He raises his hand to his forehead.

Bucky doesn't say anything else, his words fading off into the air. He doesn't have to continue for everyone in the room to know what he is talking about. The video Ana saw from that second week still haunts her, still fuels her nightmares. She just sees Bucky strapped to that horrific chair, his screams of agony echoing in her ears, shattering her heart. Ana tenderly places her fingers on his cheekbone, drawing his attention back to the present.

"That would make sense," Natasha inputs, " _if_  you weren't triggered back in Germany."

"That's why I haven't be able to figure it out." Bucky says, his eyes fluttering as Ana trails her fingers down his jaw. She finally drops her hand.

"What's the difference between triggering in Germany, and now?" Sharon inquires. 

"He's fighting for something different this time." Ana answers after it clicked in her head. 

She gives his thigh one more squeeze then stands. She's much better at thinking when she's pacing. Ana can feel the guilt radiating off Bucky, churning in the air. She wants to reach out to him, to calm his energy. He starts talking again before Ana has the chance too.

"She's right," He starts off hesitantly, wringing his hands together. "I think during that time, I didn't really have anything to fight for?" He takes a moment to breathe. "I have done horrific things as the Solider, but Vienna was one thing I didn't do, that's why I ran. I knew I would've been shot right then and there. I didn't want to die for the one thing I wasn't responsible for."

He looks up at Ana. She offers give an encouraging smile, despite her wanting to defend every word he's saying. She nods for him to continue, flexing out her hands to rid them of the buzzing energy.

"From what I can remember, from what Steve has told me, I was only triggered for a mission report. The rest of that time, I was just trying to escape." He suddenly laughs, a bitter sound falling from his lips. "Probably would've gone straight back to Hydra."

The lights flicker for a few moments. It takes Ana all of those moments to realize it's her doing it. She clenches her fist, and deeply slowly through her nose. All eyes are on her.

"Sorry." Ana mutters, her voice cracking.

"In the past, sweetheart." Bucky tells her softly. "It feels different. Then and now, the triggering. It feels like I've been more aware. Ana told me a while ago, she thinks I have this drive to live, not to give up, but I don't think I ever told you this." He looks at her once more. "I think I just wanted to live in my guilt, in the nightmares rather than take the easy way out and die."

Ana feels her heart crack in several places. They have talked about this before, but he's right. He never told her that little fact. She clears her throat.

"It's one thing to fight for yourself," Bucky continues to the silent room. "It's another to fight for _someone else_. I have been fighting this entire time for you, Ana. It's been you since day one. It's always you that brings me out of my Winter Solider state. I have no fucking clue how you do it, and it's fucking dangerous that you do. Don't think I'm ever forgetting your stubborn ass trying to fight me off, by the way."

Ana bites back her smile.

"She is the difference here." He says with a final tone. "Whatever you have been doing with the Empathetic Healing and the Energy Alchemy is working."

He isn't looking around the room, just keeping his eyes locked with Ana's own. The color of his irises are a dark blue, the way they always get when he's talking about her, when he gets fired up. When he talks about her protecting herself. Her heart is rabbiting in her chest, her stomach flipping with the fierce look in his eyes. Ana blushes, can feel everyone's eyes on her as the room remains silent. She can also feel the smirks aimed her way.

"Right. So, uh," Ana clears her throat, willing her heart to calm down. "It makes sense. We've been going through this for months now. Sorting through the energy, the feelings, breaking down the meaning of the words. All to combat the triggers and separate the meaning of the words for you."

An idea abruptly pops up in her head. Bucky will be pissed if this works, but she suddenly has a point to prove. She begins to move around the table, pacing back and forward as she speaks. Her hands flutter in the air once in a while as she does so.

"We had that healing session mainly so you wouldn't fear the trigger words the moment you heard them. In case they're just randomly said off the street or something. Like in Germany, it was two years without hearing them, but the moment you did, you were triggered. The Deprogramming is to combat that. To be able to control what you feel and think and work through it, to calm down. In case it happens unexpectedly again. Say oh, I don't know, like-"

Ana begins to say the trigger words, quickly, unexpectedly. " _Zhelaniye._   _Rzhavyy._   _Semnadtsat._ "

There's a shock of commotion around the room.

"W-what the hell are you doing?" Bucky's breathless, frantic voice is the only one she can hear at the moment. He grips the chair, dropping his head down, gritting his teeth. 

" _Rassvet_."

Ana quickly pulls the Glock 43 strapped between her ribs from under her shirt, cocking it and pointing it at Natasha. Briefly, Ana looks at her, the barrel of Nat's own gun just a foot away. Just behind her shoulder, Ana catches a glimpse of Tony on the screen. He looks irritated, pinching the bridge of his nose, but he doesn't seem panicked. Clint has a small arrow launcher strapped to his wrist, aiming it at Bucky, just in case, waiting for a command if need be. Sharon also has her gun out, poised at Bucky.

But Steve. Steve is on alert, but he hasn't gone into a defense mode yet. He looks intrigued, probably already knew this was Ana's plan. Shifting her eyes back to Natasha, she waits with baited breath. She won't shoot her. None of them will, or Bucky, and she trusts them not to do that.

She continues, moving her gaze over to Bucky. " _Pech_ '.  _Devyat. Dobroserdechnyy, Vozvrashcheniye na rodinu._ ** _"_**

He's just sitting there, his head twitching side to side just slightly. The armrest of the chairs are cracked, the plastic split and crumbling to the floor. He's shaking, but it's nowhere near that first time when their session was interrupted; compromised.

" _Odin_."

Ana stops. She waits. She gets no reactions other than the sound of Bucky's heaving breathing and clenching hands. Both Ana and Natasha let their guns swing upside down on their trigger fingers, tucking their weapons away. She steps closer to Bucky, reaching out to feel his energy, carefully reaches out to touch his flexed hands. She knows what she just did was a dick move, that it was a betrayal of his trust, but she had to do it. She's trying to prove a point to everyone in the room, and to him. Because she trusts Bucky.

"Bucky?" She calls out softly, her fingertips tingling with energy.

Suddenly, quick as a flash, Bucky launches himself out of his chair. He grabs her right wrist, backing her up and pins her against the wall, searing his lips to hers. It happens so quickly, it stuns everyone including herself. Her back aches dully from the abrupt impact and the fading bruises. She gasps into his mouth as his lips pry hers open, their hot, slick tongues sliding together. Ana swears the tiniest whimper escapes from her mouth as Bucky breathes into her.

Finally, he pulls back. There's a fire in his eyes that shakes Ana to her core, and if they were alone, she'd push him on the table and fuck him right there. They're panting, lips barely grazing each others, nearly the same scene of what Ana did the first time he kissed her. He removes his hand from her wrist, bringing his palm over to gently cup her jaw.

"What the _fuck_ , Ana." Bucky murmurs, shaking his head.

"Holy hell." Ana pants, her chest heaving.

"I'll fucking say. Goddamn." Clint says, then whistles. "That's what goes on with you two?"

Ana doesn't pay any attention, just pushes Bucky's hair behind his ear. "Sorry. I’m sorry. I needed to know."

Bucky nods, smiling down at her. He trails his right hand from her jaw, to her lips, down her neck until he presses his palm firmly against her chest. Ana nods in silent confirmation. This is real.

"Holy shit." Steve finally speaks up.

"Language, Rogers." Tony quips, way too amused.

Both Ana and Bucky look at Steve. He looks like he just had a revelation.

"You are the trigger." He whispers.

"What?" Ana frowns, utterly bewildered. 

"It's you, Ana. You're his trigger. You are what makes him stop. You are literally his deprogramming."

Ana steps away from Bucky. "Whoa, whoa, no. That's not. That doesn't make any sense. That can't-  _what the hell_ , that's not possible. I can't...I can't be in charge of something like that!"

"I think Cap may be onto something." Tony agrees. He winces when there's a faint shout coming from his screen. He narrows his eyes at Ana, because the voice is none other than Pepper's. Which means...her cousin just saw her do something incredibly reckless.

"Yeah." Bucky muses slowly, voice quiet. "You're the only thing that has kept me from full on Winter Soldier mode. It's all you Ana."

Ana looks back at him. She can feel how wide her eyes are right now. "No, no. It's all you. You're fighting it, that's-"

"All because of you. You make me fight harder. You make my need to protect you greater than succumbing to the triggers."

" _Oh God_. It's why you didn't shoot me? Why you haven't hurt me?"

He frowns, and it's then she realizes that Bucky is trembling. He might be in his right state of mind now, but that doesn't mean he still doesn't feel the effects of the trigger words.

"Bruises Bucky. Not the point." Ana grabs his hands, squeezing. She slowly, subtly, transmutes his energy around.

He nods, his tense shoulders dropping. "I think Steve is right. Just now, and that night I first kissed you. It's you."

"Wait, just fucking wait." Clint speaks up, removing his feet from the table. "You're saying that there's a Deprogramming  _key_? Ana is that key?"

"It's possible." Sharon finally speaks up. She looks a little lost in thought. "That could be what that Hydra agent was after, rather than the Winter Soldier himself. Maybe, he wasn't just after Bucky, but Ana too."

"Didn't he order for Barnes to kill her though?" Natasha offers, tapping her fingers against the surface of the table. "That wouldn't make sense if she's a key. Why would-"

"Hi!" Ana intercepts. "None of this makes sense. There's no way I can be a key. What are we, finding treasure or something? Fucks sake."

"Annie." Bucky murmurs, rubbing his thumbs over her knuckle. "Take a breath."

The lights had begun to flicker again, and Ana didn't even realize the screen displaying Tony's face is now gone. She tries to breathe, to count in her head, but none of this makes any sense. If this is the case, then she has to agree with Natasha. Why would that rouge agent order Bucky to kill her? 

She reigns in her energy, then presses her fingers against her temple, rubbing firmly. The room falls silent around her, and she's grateful for that. Either they're all thinking it over, or can tell that Ana needs the quiet to calm her befuddled thoughts. She feels Bucky rubbing his hand on her back, light and soothing; comforting. She doesn't know how much time passes in the silence.

"So." Clint speaks. "Is that a no on the repeat Deprogram?"

***

 

Ana is braiding Wanda's hair, has been for the past half hour. She keeps getting distracted, keeps messing up because of the meeting. Wanda, bless her, has been sitting patiently, ignoring Ana's dilemma and muttered curses as she instructs Vision what to do in the kitchen as he's making dinner. Finally, after two perfectly Dutch braids are woven into the dark reddish hair, Ana stands up.

"I'm boxing. I'm not very hungry so I'll skip dinner."

"Ms. Rios," Vision begins, taking out a piece of paper from one of the drawers. "Ms. Janice has clear instructions to-"

"I'll be fine, Vision." Ana says offhandedly, carefully stepping over Wanda. She remains silent but watches with her eyes. 

"Mr. Barnes also add his own-"

"Vis, just let her go." Wanda tells him softly

Ana throws her a grateful look. "I promise I'll eat when I get back."

With that, she spins and heads down the hallway.

***

 

The past two hours have been filled with loud whacks and thuds that echoed around the nearly empty gym. Both Jared Sharp and Erik Woods were in the corner lifting weights. Max is there, but he's in the middle of what looks like an intense conversation with one of the other cute male agents, both completely ignoring the machine they're at. They all end up leaving an hour after Ana started pounding into the punching bag. Max came up to her, just to make sure she was okay. She gave him a short answer, to which he patted her shoulder, tugged her ponytail, then left.

Ana is heaving with extortion; her mind having been blissfully quiet. Her arms are burning with effort and her knee is starting to ache with sharp little pains, so she ends up sitting on the mat, sweat dripping down her temples and back. She uses her forearm to wipe her damn forehead, and when she drops her arm, Bucky is standing there.

She'd be startled, if that isn't what him and Steve do on a daily bias. "I still don't understand how you do that. Just apparate where ever you fucking feel like it."

"Apparate? As in Harry Potter?"

Ana is so proud at the moment. He has been paying attention to their recent movie marathon, instead of just kissing down her neck. Which Ana completely appreciates and loves, but it does get distractedly good. She nods.

"What's up?"

"Are you done punching the fuck out of your thoughts?" Bucky asks, crossing his arms in an oddly relax pose. The move makes his bicep budge. "You skipped dinner, and I know you have to be hungry after that."

She's hungry for something, all right. Ana clears her throat, standing up. "Yeah. Boxing does wonders for the mind. Did you eat?"

He shakes his head, dropping his arms and wringing his hands together. His calm stance suddenly changes, and Ana swears she see his face flush. "I'm taking you on a date."

Ana nearly falls back to the mat. "Not like this I hope." Is her response.

The nervousness surrounding Bucky fades away. Which is ridiculous because they're together, in almost every way possible and Bucky was nervous to take her on a date. He laughs, pushing his dark hair back and out of his eyes. Ana would go out on a date with him on the couch, as long as he's there.

***

 

After showering, and putting on a dark purple sweater dress, black cotton leggings and fuzzy socks, mainly because Bucky told her they aren't actually leaving the compound. She’s secretly grateful for that, not having the strength to go out and deal with stranger’s energies. He leads her from her room, to the stairs in the hallway, leading up to the roof.

"You realize we could've just used my-  _oh_."

Ana stops short, her fingers lax in Bucky's warm hand. The lounge chairs have been pushed aside to make room for a plush looking blanket, that she swears she's seen in Sam's room before. Surrounding the blanket are lanterns lined along each side, giving off a soft orange glow, casting enough light to set a mood. On top of the blanket is a bottle of wine, and-

"Oh my god, is that pizza?" Ana chuckles, pointing to the white box.

"From Valentino's." Bucky answers, a hint of mirth in his voice.

She turns to him. "This is your idea of a date?"

He swallows, Ana watches his throat bob. "At the moment-"

She launches herself at him, bending her knees and kicks off the ground. Bucky is quick to catch her, his hands a firm hold on her thighs as she wraps her legs around his hips. She kisses him fiercely, until they're both breathless and Bucky stumbles as Ana grips the back of his hair. He ends up presses her to the wall of the stairwell, content to kiss each other until their hunger is satisfied; it never will be.

Moving her lips from Bucky's, mainly to give herself air, Ana starts kissing along him jawline. A hissed curse escapes him as she moves her mouth to his neck, gently grazing her teeth over his racing pulse. She slips her hands under the black leather jacket, which she had no idea he even owned.

Slowly, Ana pulls her mouth away from his skin, lowering her legs from around his waist. Bucky's hands trail up from her thighs to her hips, squeezing once, then sliding his hands up her body. They dip along her curves, leaving fire in their wake. He cups her face with both palms, swiping his thumbs along her cheeks.

"Should have pizza dates more often, then." He teases, kissing the tip of her nose.

"I'm just a sucker for wine and pizza. And Nutella." Ana states, twisting her fingers in his hair.

"I have that too."

She smiles brightly before kissing him again. She keeps it slow this time, just relishing in the feel of his lips against hers. When they break apart again, the look on Bucky's face makes her heart flutter.

"Ana." He says. "It's my jar though."

Ana tugs the back of his hair as Bucky laughs. "Rude ass Winter Snow Flurry."

He laughs again. Ana moves her fingers up to push his hair back behind his ear. His laughter fades away, but the smile remains, and she wishes they could have this moment forever. Wishes that Bucky can stay looking this happy in her arms.

"Hungry." Ana states, gently pushing him back.

He allows her to do so, for a moment. Then Ana feels his hand wrap around her knuckles, squeezing tightly. She takes a step back, confused as to why Bucky isn't letting her eat the delicious smelling pizza. That is, until the air abruptly turns anxious, nervous, a little scared.

"Annie." Bucky whispers, stepping closer to her. He brings his right hand up to her chest, palm flat over her heart. "I am so in love with you."

The air leaves Ana's lungs, but her heart is still beating. No, it's in overdrive, slamming against her chest and she knows Bucky can feel it.

"T-this isn't-" Ana begins, her voice full of wonder. "Because I-?"

Bucky shakes his head, pulling her closer. "No, baby. I've been in love with you since you first put your hand over my heart." He takes her hand to do what he just explained to her.

"Bucky...that, that was a month in-"

"I know. I didn't know it then. I couldn't figure it out."

"Holy Hell."

"Would you like some pizza now?"

Ana rolls her eyes, grabs him by his jacket and pulls him in for a kiss.

***

 

The pizza box is nearly empty, and the wine bottle is too full still, but Ana hasn't been able to drink without smiling and end up having red wine down her dress. She's wearing Bucky's jacket after he offered it to her, to which she refused because she wasn't that cold. He placed it on her shoulders anyway.

"Cute socks." Bucky comments, handing his unfinished crust to Ana.

"Is this what dates were like in the thirties and forties?" Ana asks curiously, taking the crust and nibbling on it.

"Probably would've just taken you out dancing." He smirks at her. "You look like you can move."

"You know I can." She winks playfully, then tosses the crust at his chest.

"I wanted to show you something." Bucky says after he stops laughing.

He gets up walking toward the chairs. He's only gone for a few seconds before he's sitting back down, handing her a leather notebook. It almost looks like the one he showed her at the gym that one night. Ana trails her fingers over the blank cover, the leather soft under her skin. When she looks up at him, he nods shyly.

Ana carefully opens the journal and what she sees makes her heart skip a beat. The pages aren't filled with negative or confusing thoughts. Instead, it seems to be filled with recent memories. Happy ones, funny one, gentle ones. Things that happened between the both of them. Things that happened between him and Steve. Him and Sam, him and Wanda. A particular one of him and Clint that makes Ana scold him.

"He wanted target practice. I offered. He never misses." Bucky shrugs like it's completely normal for your friend to fire arrows to outline a body.

There are pages and pages of what seems like memories Bucky has made here, and it warms Anas heart. As she continues to read, the air around them slowly changes. It goes from content and happy, to a darker nervousness, an anxiety that has nothing to do with danger, but with confession. Ana understands it when he turns to the middle of the book.

_I never thought I would see the sun again...then I met her._

_I never thought I would feel warmth again...then she touched me._

_I never thought I would be redeemed...then she smiled at me._

She reads those lines and her breath catches in her throat, and her heart is fluttering wildly, and her cheeks warm. It's about her. Bucky wrote those beautiful things about her. Ana lifts her eyes to Bucky, but he's rather interested in picking off the sticker of the Nutella jar instead. She drops her eyes.

The rest of the journal is filled with memories of Ana. Of the both of them, or just his thoughts. When she reaches the end, there are three little dots at the bottom of the page. She knows those three little dots lead to more journals, but she focuses on this one for now. She closes the book and sets it down between then. Ana takes the jar away from him, making Bucky finally look at her.

He inhales, exhales. "Sometimes I have no idea what to say to you." Bucky confesses, his voice a low grumble, like he's shy. "You have no idea how much I stumbled around you. What I felt when I first saw you, when I first started to trust you. I suddenly found myself caring what you thought, caring about _you_ , keeping you safe. You're were all I started to think about because you somehow invaded my thoughts."

"Everything about you, Ana, everything you've done. I don't understand you and I don't think I ever will. The reason I almost walked away from you is because I can't fathom how anyone could love me, especially you. It scares the shit out of me, to be honest."

Bucky shakes his head, that self-deprecating smile back on his lips. "I have done horrible things. I'm a monster.  _A monster_. I'm what nightmares are made of. I'm the thing that kills people’s parents, and shoots through people's stomach just to kill someone else. I'm not...I'm not capable of love in any form."

"Bucky-" Ana says, her voice cracking just like her heart. She grabs his hands, squeezing hard.

When he smiles at her this time, it's genuine. "Then you came waltzing into my life, Ana, literally. It’s like you were dancing that day. You threatened me with rules and coffee and you just felt this stain of gold behind you. There were nights, after our talks, after you started touching me, making me laugh, accepting me, that I thought maybe...just maybe...I was worth something. That someone could see me how I was before all this shit happened."

"But I was wrong. You don't just see me as my old self. You don't see me as James. You don't see me as the Winter Soldier. You just see me as Bucky, everything wrapped up into one and I don't get it. I don't get you at times and it baffles me. It makes my heart pound and my stomach flip, and my mind screams because I'd be a fucking idiot to ever let you go."

Ana isn't even sure if she's breathing anymore. All she feels is her heart about to burst from her chest. Bucky's cheeks are tinted red, and she has never seen him like this before. All soft and timid, blushing fiercely and nervously tapping his foot under his knee. Bucky is looking straight at her though, rooting Ana to her own spot with those incredible blue eyes of his.

"I love you." He states firmly, tightening his hands around hers. "It's been over seventy years, and I never thought I would have this, but fuck, baby. I love you, Ana."

Speechless. Ana is speechless and the only thing she can think of doing is pulling her hands from his, just to crawl into his lap. Ana grabs his face between her hands, staring into his shinning eyes, reveling in the moment. She feels how warm his cheeks are against her palms. She feels his heart flutter in his chest where she's pressed against him. She feels his soft hair brush her fingertips. She feels the solid comfort of his body beneath hers. She feels his hands, warm and cool, slide up her back holding her close. 

She feels his love

Ana dips her head down, capturing his lips with hers.

***

 

"You win." Ana gasps, falling sideways off Bucky and onto the bed. "That had to be the most incredibly declaration of love ever in the history of forever."

Bucky rolls over, burring his face in the crook of her neck. He's panting, maybe not as hard as Ana, but enough to make his chest rise and fall rapidly. He presses little kisses to her neck, apparently ignoring the sheen of sweat coating her skin. Her eyes flutter as he begins to suck at her pulse point. She bends her elbow so she hand sink her hand into his hair, damp at the roots.

"Not a competition, baby." He murmurs into her skin.

"No." She pants, allowing her eyes to close. 

Then she lets her empathetic walls down, keeping Bucky close to her. He gasps against her skin, nodding his head. He abruptly pulls her tighter against his body, slipping his thigh between her legs. Ana involuntarily releases a moan, immediately grinding against his thigh.

" _Fuck_." They both hiss.

"Love you. So much." Ana murmurs, turning her head to find his lips.

Bucky kisses her deeply, his metal hand gripping and squeezing her ass, pulling her even closer.

"Love me again, Annie doll."

She does. He does. They don't leave the bed for the rest of the night.

 

**************

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As I was writing this (and half falling asleep because I haven't had coffee and editing is a bitch) I was like "god, is this way too fluffy? Like, is there such a thing as too much?"  
> I answered my own question...but this story ain't over yet!
> 
> Thank you for reading and commenting as always my darlings! <3
> 
> Go is Deadpool 2 please!


	47. Chapter 47

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry for the delayed updates. Life sucker punched me in the jejunum, and I got insanely booked and busy at worked. I was also dealing with a situation at work that has left me emotionally pissed off. SO I just took a few days to regroup. :) 
> 
> So, please enjoy this chapter...or not.......... :D

 

Ana is making crepes in the kitchen, piling one after another onto a plate. It's when she's drizzling Nutella over them does someone interrupt her.

"I need to talk to you." Steve says, grabbing Ana's arm as he walks through the kitchen.

He pulls her along, Ana yelping and throwing the spoon onto the counter. She follows behind him, stumbling for a moment. He pulls out onto the patio, where Ezra is lounging in a patch of sun on the table.

"What's your damage, Heather?" Ana quips, as Steve tugs her down the steps and further out onto the grass.

"If that's a reference...I don't get it." He says, looking around to make sure their alone.

"Steve," She chuckles. "What's the matter?"

"I've been thinking about those triggers words. From reading your notes and viewing the sessions, I think there's another trigger word."

Ana pulls her arm out of his loose grip. "Come again?"

"There's eleven words. Not ten."

Baffled, Ana shakes her head. "Okay, slow down. Where is this coming from?"

Steve sighs, crossing his arms, his biceps bulging. "It's something I've been considering for a while. That video, what happened in Germany, that stage that was compromised. All of it ended the same way, with the same word. Soldier."

Pinching the bridge of her nose, her mind clicks. "Holy shit, Steve. You think the eleventh word is what finishes the process? That it activates the Winter Soldier in him?"

"That's exactly what I think." He tells her firmly.

She pauses, then. "Me too."

"You do?" Surprise colors Steve's tone.

"I said his name during that stage." Ana recalls, "I called out to him and he...I said it right before, or the same time as the agent said that word. Bucky, he...he broke out of it."

"Maybe it's the combination of calling his name, and what you've been doing that helped with it." He suggests.

"Right. Like your de-trigger, key theory?" Ana wrinkles her nose. "Bucky has been fighting through this all on his own, for his own sake. Not mine."

Steve smiles softly. "I didn't mean anything like that, Ana. I meant he's not just fighting for himself anymore, and you being there, helps him fight it harder. He loves you, and if there's one thing I've known about Bucky since we met, is that he would do anything to protect the people he loves. Even if he isn't fully aware of it. He ended up pulling me from that river, and that was before he realized exactly who he is."

Ana runs her hand through her hair, considering his words. She stares out into the woods, crisp colorful leaves littering the ground. In her heart, she knows Steve is right. She's played with the thought that there might have been a hidden word. Bucky only responds after the triggering when he's spoken too, when he's addressed by the word _Solidat_.

"Do you think he knows?" She questions quietly.

Steve drops his arms. "I'm not sure."

"Do you want to tell him or should I?"

He smiles knowingly at her, and Ana rolls her eyes. "It's up to you, but he has been looking for you."

"You're the one that just yanked me from the kitchen. I thought you were having a crisis with Sharon or something."

Steve laughs, hooking his arm around Ana's shoulders. "C'mon, kid. Let’s go find Buck."

"I'm twenty-nine, you fossil." She mumbles.

***

 

Bucky has his arms wrapped tightly around Ana as they lay on the lounge chair. The wind on the roof is crisp, it was biting at Ana's skin until Bucky took his leather jacket off again, insisting Ana wear it herself. Now her usual scent of flowers and rain are mixed with his own woodsy one. She smells amazing, delicious, she smells like him. He hears her release a content sigh, and Bucky tried to memorize every little detail of this moment. Ana's breath against his neck, her fingers tracing shapes under his shirt and onto his skin. The feel of her soft hair between his fingers, the sound she makes when he scratches his nails against her scalp. How their legs are tangled together and how he has never felt this happy in his entire, fucked up life.

"Bucky," Ana's quiet voice breaks their serenity. "I need to tell you something. There's an eleventh trigger word."

Bucky pauses his fingers, shifting around to see her face. Her eyebrows are knitted together, her mouth pulled down at the corners. His heart picks up speed and his stomach churns slightly. 

"What?"

Ana bites her lips and sits up, tapping her thumb against her collarbone twice. She's nervous. "Steve seems to think so, and after talking to him, I think there is too. Did you know that?"

He did or rather, he was aware that there probably was an unofficial eleventh word. It's still lost somewhere in the complex workings of his mind, so he never really gave it that much attention to. He attempts to think back on it now though, recalling that compromised stage not too long ago.

" _Soldat_." Bucky states, the word tasting foul in his mouth. He slowly sits up.

"Yeah." Ana breathes, reaching out to grab his hands. "We think it's what finishes activating you. They called you that, not because of the status, but because of what you were to them. Just an asset, a weapon for their own sick control."

"Annie doll." Bucky squeezes her hands as the string of lights flicker and the chairs shakes behind them. "It's alright, baby." He pulls her closer to his body again, releasing her hands to cup either side of her jaw. "I'm right here, it's okay."

She closes her eyes, Bucky watching her eyelashes flutter against her cheekbones. She inhales deeply, then exhales as the lights steady and the chairs quiet. She reopens her eyes. "I'm good. Sorry. I think I have a theory. If I call out to you before then, if I touch you before it's said-"

"That it doesn't fully trigger me?" He guesses, considering this.

She nods.

"You could be right." He muses, swiping his thumbs along her cheek bones. He smiles at her. "Why do you look so worried, darling?"

Ana shrugs, a small smile breaking across her lips. "I thought you might be mad about it."

Bucky pulls her face closer, kissing her twice on her lips. "You thought wrong, my little key."

"Oh hush." Ana scolds, tugging his hair. "I completely disagree with that."

"You're my everything." He smirks.

"Oh, my fucking god." She rolls her eyes and pushes him backwards. "No more RomComs for you. Ever."

Bucky can't help but laugh, loud and unabashed as Ana tackles him back on the chair. They fall off, but end up kissing slowly, deeply, for the rest of the time they remain on the roof.

***

 

Inhale. Count to five. Exhale.

“Ready?” Ana's voice breaks through his mind.

“I think so." Bucky says, shaking out his hands, shifting in the chair. Today is the day; Stage Ten.

Ana bends over to his eye level. “Hey,” She smiles at him. “You’ve done amazing.”

Bucky drops his eyes from hers. He suddenly feels guilty, a flash of memories coming back to him. Him staring down at Ana, counting the golden specks in her eyes, his left fist in the dent he made in the floor. That dent is still there, and Bucky has ignored it every time since. He doesn't think he's done amazing like Ana believes. He could have severely injured her, or killed her.

“Hey, Bucky, look at me.” Ana coaxes gently, hooking her finger under his chin and lifting his head. “That one time, you fought against that, baby. You fought your way back, you resisted it, that was all you. You came back to me all your own.”

He shakes his head, can't help the seed of self-doubt in his chest. “What if I can’t this time?”

“You can. You _will_.” Ana tells him vehemently. She has fire in her eyes. “If that even happens. You can do this, Bucky. Do this for yourself. You deserve this, to be free, of all of it. Have faith in yourself.”

“Yours is enough.” He murmurs, smiling at her. Ana's trust and faith in him since day one has been confusing, and beautiful at the same time. It's what has made him fight so much harder.

“I appreciate that.” She smiles back at him, pushing his hair away from his face. Her fingers are soft against his skin. “But I think you have more in yourself than you lead on. I’ve only been aiding you along. The rest has been solely you, because of your drive remember? Your will to live, to fight for yourself.”

“And you.” Bucky tells her. He goes to pull her close, but his arms are restrained by the metal bonds. “Steve too.”

Ana hits the unlock button, and Bucky immediately pull her closer by her hips. He sneaks his fingers under her shirt, tracing over the smooth yet jagged scars. She nods, then leans down to kiss him. Their lips mold together, like puzzle pieces slotting perfectly together, something that will always make Bucky's heart skip a beat. He tongues along her bottom lip for a moment before she’s opening up for him. Their kiss only lasts several moments before Ana pulls away.

“I love you.” Bucky breathes, pressing their foreheads together. “Whatever happens, I love you.”

“I love you too.” Ana says, pressing her lips to his once more. “You can do this.”

She straightens up then, squeezing his forearms. Bucky drops his arms back and nods. Ana hits the button again and the restraints snap in place. The door opening shifts her attention to her left, Bucky following her gaze. Max is dressed in his full gear, from helmet with the dark face guard, to his gloves. He waves at Ana, and she waves back. Bucky frowns at Max, because something seems a little strange. His uniform looks a bit different, the material stretched tighter around his shoulders and chest. It's such a fleeting thought, that Bucky pulls his eyes away, giving his attention back to Ana.

“Right. So.” She begins, taking several steps back. “I’m not going to change the energy this time around, not yet at least. I want to see how you progress without it. If this run goes well, I would like to repeat it. If that’s alright with you?”

He swallows and nods. “Okay. Yeah."

"Just remember our Healing Session. Focus on those memories instead of whatever painful ones from Hydra. Focus on how they made you feel when they happened, and again during that session."

He nods again, a look of determination washing over his face. He can do this. Like she said, like she believes in him. "I'm ready."

Ana flashes him a quick smile, before she schools her expression. She nods. " _Zhelaniye_."

Like always, a sharp stinging shoots through Bucky's head, as if he can feel the electrical currents from the mind wiper machine. He squeezes his eyes shut and thinks of the first day he met Ana. Her quick steps, her bright eyes, her open calm expression, her smile.

" _Rzhavyy, Semnadtsat_."

Shaking his head as the darkness begins to roll in, Bucky sudden remembers celebrating Steve's seventeenth birthday. He gave him a rusted old pocket watch because it was the only thing Bucky could afford at that time. Sitting there next to his best friend, when life was much simpler.

However, the darkness starts to consume him, because he also remembers the first time he wrapped his left hand around Ana's throat. Gritting his teeth, Bucky isn't sure if the sounds he hears is emitting from him or not. But he fights through it, tries to remember the details of what happened.

 " _Rassvet, Pech, Devyat_." 

Suddenly his good, happy memories turn for the worst. He sees flashes of sunlight, being dragged through the snow, a trail of thick red blood following behind him. He recalls, can almost feel the burning of every single nerve as they connect that metal arm to his shoulder. He can hear the sound of his own screaming. He can feel the cold pricking of the first time they shoved him in the cryofreeze tube. He reaches out, yearning for that one moment to break free. He doesn't.

He's falling faster into the darkness as he sees another horrific flash of memory. He lashed out at the scientist, he killed nine of them with his bare hands before he was shot in the shoulder. Shot in his legs, his bicep. All points on his body that were nonfatal. He remembers finally ceasing, being held down and forced back into that chair.

Then he sees Ana smile up at him, wrapped in his arms, tangled in the sheets as the sunrise breaks over her beautiful face. He sees Wanda and Sam accidentally setting one of the piles of wood on fire, burning hot and wild until Wanda contained it. He sees Ana throwing nine knives and Clint shooting each one down with nine pulls of his bow. He hears the ghost of her laughter.

" _Dobroserdechnyy, Vozvrashcheniye_." 

He feels the sharp, white hot zaps of an electric whip against his skin. Snapping against his body, knocking the breath out of him as Bucky fought and fought against his handlers. It's the one moment before he couldn't fight their control any longer. It was the moment right before he became terrified of them, but he didn't show it on his face. He just gritted his teeth and took it.

The memory is nothing compared to the gentle, kind touch of Ana's fingers, trailing delicately over his scars. Draws shapes into his skin as they sit in bed watching movies. Then, his memory shifts and Steve's voice enters Bucky's swirling dark mind. 

" _It's not much of a homecoming, but hopefully it'll do. Beats that time we thought we'd run away and live in a broken-down train_." 

He had laughed, and Bucky had laughed with him as they sat outside of the compound.

" _Odin."_

In one moment, Bucky can't hold on any longer. He lets his mind give in, he's exhausted from fighting them for so long. He falls into the blackness.

" _Gruzovoy Vagon_."

His mind is swirling with black clouds, but they aren't as dark as they usually are. It hasn't been a dense fog ensnaring his brain, his thoughts, his own control for some time now. He's aware. He has been seeing a golden light break through the clouds of his murderous, manipulated mind, and every time he sees it, he reaches through the darkness. It calls to him, beckons to him with a voice as soft as a lover's caress. He can feel it, wrapping around him, comforting him, soothing him, pulling from the confines of the dark. 

He has a yearning for it, to grab hold of the light, of the voice, of the touch. He longs for it's safety, for the security that sparks deep in his heart. He begins to feel it surrounding him, tingling at his sweaty skin, wrapping around his mind and calming the chaotic clouds. 

"Bucky."

The voice says again, carrying through the fog like a feather in the wind.

“ _Soldat_?"

_Soldier. Asset. Weapon._

No. Those words don't sound right. They don't feel right. It makes his brain tick and sharp stings zap through his head. That's the opposite of the soft, loving voice. He wants to go back to that one.

"Bucky." The voice calls out again.

There it is. He's longing for it to continue to call out. His left arm twitches, feeling rusted after staying immobile for so long, he reaches out again. He counts internally, counts the seconds until he hears it again.

One, two, three. Where is it? He's beginning to feel cold ice seep through his veins. Seven, eight, nine, ten. He needs to hear it. Fourteen, fifteenth, Sixteen. It has to come again. Seventeen.

"Come back to me."

The voice emerges through the fog like daybreak, light slowly dissipating the clouds. It's bright, hot, like a furnace warming his bones, his blood, his heart, riding the ice in his body. His heart kicks up in rhythm. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine.

"Buck..." The benign voice beckons once more.

Soft, gentle, coaxing the darkness away. It feels familiar. A familiar homecoming that has him fighting to stand up. To walk towards it. He feels something on his chest, this one touch finally making him run, escaping the horrors of his tortured mind. All at once, it hits him like a fright car, and he realizes his its own name.

His eyes snap open. Ana is standing in front of him, bent over with her hand pressed to the middle of his chest. Bucky is panting, regaining his breath, and his skin is prickling with sweat. His mind, although seemingly clear for now, can still feel the ghost of burning white hot pain he was put through; tortured with. However, as the woman he loves with all his heart continues to smile as bright as the sun at him, he knows it's all worth it. He came back to her.

"Real." He breathes out, searching her eyes and counting the gold dots. "I'm here?"

Ana nods, beaming at him. "Incredibly real, Bucky. Holy- I'm so fucking proud of you." She presses the button and the metal bonds retract.

He extends a shaky hand, exhaling in relief, placing his palm on her chest. He feels her racing heart and the rhythm of it just grounds him more. He returns her smile and Ana leans in to kiss him. She's smiling too much, however, and the kiss is more of their teeth pressing together. Bucky taps his thumb twice on her collarbone. When Ana pulls back, she frowns slightly, tilting her head. Her eyes flutter for a second, before she turns her head towards the door.

"What is it, Annie?" He questions, tucking a stray piece of hair that has fallen out of her braid behind her ear.

Ana shakes her head and looks back at him. "Energy shot up for a moment." She smiles again. "God, you just fucking came out of it. You're amazing, you know that. Do you want to repeat it? Just one more time?"

"Yeah." Bucky answers, chuckling at her enthusiasm. "Just give me a moment." He closes his eyes as Ana slides her fingers into his damp hair. He leans into her touch.

He feels her sway, his eyes shooting back open. Ana looks confused and a little pale, her fingers trembling slightly in his hair. Bucky has seen this before, when she feels a surge of dark energy, when Jared Sharp did this to her. He moves his hands to her hips, holding her steady until it passes. He waits five seconds.

"Ana, what's happening?" He asks, keeping his worry out of his voice.

"Something feels off." She whispers, her eyes locking with his. "It's very distant though. It's weird."

Bucky is about to respond, when movement from his peripheral view pulls his attention away. He just shifts his gaze to his right, sees Max's fingers inch towards his gun. Realization clicks in his brain and Bucky abruptly remembers there's only two exists from the room; one where Max is, and the other up the stairs through the observation room. That's their best bet, considering its empty. He refocuses his gaze in front of him.

"Ana." He breathes, pulling her closer until she bends over and they're eye to eye. He lifts his right hand to cup her cheek, blocking the sight of his mouth in the process. "Put your foot on the chair and trust me."

Reading the tone of is voice, Ana does as she's told, then presses her forehead to his. "What is it?"

"When I say, I need you to flip backwards." He informs her, snaking his left hand under her shirt and up her stomach.

Ana shivers but angles her body to block what he's doing. He feels the grip of the gun strapped between her ribs, wrapping his fingers around it. He flicks off the safety, tugging the Glock loose and places his index finger on the trigger. There's a split second where he just waits, listens. Then he sees the movement he was anticipating.

"Now!" Bucky hisses.

He pulls the gun from under her shirt, just as Ana kicks off the chair and flips backwards. Bucky points and aims, quickly firing two rounds at Max. Or rather, the impostor pretending to be Max. One bullet hits the man's shoulder, making him stumble back shouting in pain.

The door on the second level opens, briefly pulling Bucky's attention away. Another guard, this one big in his built, is running down the steps, however Ana is already on it, having activated her bracelet and pulling her hidden knife from her heel. He watches her spin out of the way of the gunfire, flicking her wrist as she does so. The knife lodges perfectly in the bicep of his trigger arm.

Bucky turns back to the fake Max as the man gathers himself and advances on him. He fires another shot, aiming just above the man's knee. The man stumbles again, Bucky spinning to thrust his metal elbow into the guy's mouth. The force of the blow knocks him down to the floor. Bucky kicks his gun away. In the back of his mind, there's a nagging thought of that being too easy.

He makes sure the guy is disarmed before turning to check on Ana. When he looks back, he sees the second guard on the ground. He has the knife lodged in his arm, and a widow's bite on his neck. Ana is standing next to him,  _pouting_. She looks put off, like she's  _bored_. 

“What’s that look for, baby?” Bucky can't help but chuckle under his breath.

“That was too easy.” Ana sighs. “No fun. Bracelet's handy though."

Bucky is hopelessly endeared, he rolls his eyes as she scrunches her nose at him. He refocuses on the guard, grabbing him by the collar of the uniform. 

"I'm going to call Steve." Ana informs from behind him.

Nodding, he shakes the guard to make him focus. "Who the hell is behind this?" He demands, his voice hardening, tone cold. He tried attacking Ana. He tried shooting her.

The guy spits a mixture of blood and saliva to the side, sneering. His jaw shifts, then there's a flash of blue and Bucky grips his jaw, keeping his fingers tight and digging them in his cheeks. He makes him spit it out. He recognizes that little pill; one Hydra agents are given to poison themselves with, less risk giving any information. Bucky won't let him take the easy way out.

"Tell me!"

"He's closer than you think." The guy slurs, words difficult from Bucky's grip. "Hail. Hydra."

The phrase makes Bucky's blood boil, and he could do it. He could just pull his left arm back, and land two solid punches to the guys skull. He doesn't. Instead, he releases a frustrated breath, and considers the are two bullets holes in his body. The man won't get far if he tries to escape, and it's better for Agent Carter or Hill to question him. Hell, he can even leave the fucker for Natasha to get a hold of.

Then, Bucky hears a soft, pleading voice.

“Bucky.”

He spins, his entire body seizing up in furious terror. Agent Erik Woods is standing behind Ana, a syringe half empty of orange liquid, the needle sticking in her neck. A gun is pointed at Bucky, and he’s too far. He can’t stop Erik from pushing the drugs into her body because he’s too fucking far. If he tries, Erik could turn the gun on Ana and- he can’t think about it. Bucky drops the agent to the ground, straightening up.

“Don’t worry, Soldier.” Erik leers, pushing the last of the drugs into Ana’s body. Her eyes flutter before she passes out, her body falling back into Erik’s. “You’re coming with us. Now, if you please.”

The guard Ana had briefly knocked out is getting to his feet, pulling the now dead widow's bite off his neck and tossing it aside. He arms his gun, walking over to Bucky, pulling out another syringe, this one bigger and with blue liquid. He shoves it in Bucky’s left hand, keeping his gun poised. Ana's knife is still lodged in his bicep, and Bucky considers using it, but all that matters is Ana's safety. 

“If you’d be so kind to inject yourself. It's made specifically for you." Woods says, nearly dropping Ana, only to roughly heave her over his shoulder. The prick takes out a small knife hidden from the sleeve of his wrist, pressing the sharp point to the bottom of Ana's spine. "Otherwise your mouthy little lover won’t wake up again.”

Bucky has never known a fear like this, burning in his veins, hotter and more painful than anything he has ever felt. He will murder Erik Woods. 

“You fucking cunt. I will rip out  _every single_  one of your bones.” Bucky promises lowly. Then he sticks the needle in the vein at the crook of his elbow, pressing down on the plunger.

“We’ll just see about that.” Erik Woods smirks.

The last thing Bucky sees is him turning to climb the stairs, Ana's limp body hanging over his back. His vision begins to blacken, and he swears to any and all gods out there, that he will bring hellfire down to Woods. He will make good on his promise for hurting his girl.

 

*************************************************************************************

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "What's your damage, Heather?" - Reference from the movie Heathers (1988)
> 
> Thank you for reading and commenting! <3


	48. Chapter 48

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Choking, Violence, blood, mentions of experiments,

**One hour before Stage Ten:**

He taps his fingers on the table, waiting patiently for a text from Ana. Max sighs, checking the time on his phone once again, the same time it buzzes. The message he was waiting for comes through, but it’s not what he was expecting. The message reads that Ana has moved the time of the last stage an hour out, and to take a lunch if he pleases. Max locks his phone, getting up from his desk in the Security department, going to get lunch.

**Half hour before Stage Ten:**

Max is just about finished with his food, crunching the wrapper of his sandwich between his hands, when Jared Sharp walks in. He halts the second he sees him sitting at the table, a confused expression crosses his face. He points behind him.

“Shouldn’t you be in the Lab with Rios?” Sharp questions.

Max nearly bites his tongue to hold back a retort, until he realizes the confused curiosity in his tone. “She moved it to three. It’s only half past two.”

Sharp frowns. “No. I just left there. She’s there now with Barnes.”

Max shakes his head, tossing his wrapper into the trash. “What are you talking about?”

Rolling his eyes in frustration, he marches over to Max. “I mean. You are standing guard during the Deprogramming Session right fucking now. Yet, you are currently sitting in front of me.”

Max snatches his phone up, rereading the text. He shows it to Jared, already standing up and pulling his gun from his belt.

“Rios didn’t have her phone with-”

“Fuck. Let’s go!” Max tucks his phone into his pocket, running out of the cafe.

Jared follows quickly behind him, also pulling out his gun. “How the hell did you let that happen?” He sounds irritated.

“I don’t think you have the right to show concern for Ana right about now.” Max snips, bypassing the elevator. He presses the COM in his ear, turning it on. “I need eyes on Rios and Barnes in the Lab. Possible compromise in the session. Hydra might be responsible again.”

“She’s still Alex’s baby sister.” Jared says. “I’m not that heartless.”

“Could’ve surprised me.” Max mutters.

They’re jogging down the second flight of stairs when a loud explosion sounds from somewhere above them, shaking the building. They pause to stare at each other, then look up at the ceiling. Max makes the split decision to find Ana, rather than investigate what just happened.

“Fuck.” He hisses, running down the steps again. 

“That’s probably a distraction. Pull everyone’s attention to the bomb. Get the Avengers to focus on that issue instead of the Lab.”

Goddammit, Max knows Jared is right. They finally reach their floor, and Jared’s theory is proven correct. The floor is empty, as is the Lab when they enter. Max sprints towards the room, aiming his gun at the handle, shooting once and blowing off the knob. Him and Jared arrive too late. Ana is hung over someone’s back, her body limp. Max’s heart clenches in fear, then drops to his stomach when he sees Bucky across the shoulders of another person, this man large and tall.

Next to him, Jared aims his gun and fires. The bullet hits the thigh of the second man, who stumbles for a moment, the weight of Bucky making him lurch forward. The man sneers, points his gun and fires three rounds. Max dives out of the way, and the moment he springs back up, they’re gone.

“Fuck!” Max shouts, tapping his COM again. No one has responded. “Rios and Barnes has been kidnapped. They’re heading towards the second level of the Lab. Block all exists!”

He turns to Jared. “I don’t fucking understand, how did Barnes allow-”

Max halts. Jared is slumped against the wall, putting pressure over his chest, blood pouring between his fingers. There’s another bullet wound in his stomach, so Max presses his hand over it. He drops his gun and taps his COM once more.

“I need immediate medical attention. Deprogramming room, first level of the Lab.” He says gravely. “Two gun shot wounds to the chest and abdomen." 

“Did-did I save her?” Jared gasps, trying to catch his breath. His green eyes are dulling.

Apparently, he was knocked down before he could see what happened. Max feels conflicted, wants to tell him the truth, but he ends up lying instead. “Yeah. You did.”

“Good, that’s good. Alex will be happy.” Jared Sharp’s eyes flutter. His breath hitches and chest stutters.

The he closes his eyes. Max waits for the team to arrive, keeping his hand over the wound.

****

**Five minutes before the Capture:**

Ana stares down at the unconscious man next to her, the little electrical widow’s bite taser stopping it’s currents. Her knife is still embedded into his arm, and she leaves it there out of spite. She lifts her eyes to Bucky, a quip on her tongue about not knocking all the man’s teeth in, except that the guy is already bleeding from the mouth. Looks like Bucky had a little more fun then she did. She pouts, sticking out her lip, then Bucky turns to look at her.

He chuckles at her, a soft little sound that never fails to make her stomach flutter. "What’s that look for, baby?”

“That was too easy.” She sighs. “No fun.” She holds up her right wrist. “Bracelet’s handy though.”

She scrunches her nose at him as he rolls his eyes, a small smile on his lips. Then he turns back to the person pretending to be Max. She wonders where he was briefly, before she brings her arm closer to her body.

“I’m going to call Steve.” Ana taps her bracelet twice until it lights up. “FRIDAY.”

“Ms. Rios.” The soft lilt of the AI voice responds.

“Call-“ She freezes. Something sharp and cold is pressing against the vein in her neck. There’s only one person next to her, can see him from the corner of her eye.

“Motherfucker.” She breathes, “it’s been you this whole fucking time.”

The needle pierces her skin, sharp and hard like he doesn’t give one damn about it, which he doesn’t. She feels the strange sensation of whatever drugs Erik put in the syringe seeping and spreading throughout her veins. Whatever drug it is, it’s working fast, the effects of it already shutting down her body. Her limbs quickly becoming heavy, her right arm dropping to her side, and she blinks to fight off the blurry vision.

“Call out to your Soldier, Rios.” Erik Woods sneers in her ear. “I want him to see this.”

“ _Fuck you_.” Ana hisses, her tongue sticking to the roof of her mouth.

Through the cotton in her ears, she hears the soft click of his gun. Then she sees him pointing the barrel at Bucky, his back is still turned to them, questioning the agent. 

“He’s a super soldier, but I’m pretty sure even he can’t survive a bullet to the head. Call him.” Erik says again.

Ana squeezes her eyes shut, fear spiking up her spine. She can’t do anything. She’s got drugs pumping into her veins and a gun pointed at the man she loves. Her heart is racing, her stomach churning with bile rising up to her throat. She feels a quick stinging session from the bracelet, almost like the sting of a bee. Dropping her eyes to her wrist, her skin glows red for a moment then returns to normal. She knows her bracelet just embedded a tracker into her arm, probably courtesy of FRIDAY, who is also probably recording this exchange. She would feel hopeful, but Ana is struggling to keep herself upright.

“Do it.”

“Bucky.” Ana breathes out.

Through the blackened corners of her vision, Bucky turns. He drops the guard, a snarl on his face. The last thing she sees is the utter rage in his eyes, mixed with utter fear. She hears Erik Woods say something, but it sounds like she’s under water, the pressure pressing down on her body and drowning her.

***

It’s quiet, but there’s a pounding ache surrounding her entire head. Ana tries to open her eyes, but they feel glued shut. She tries to lift her head, but it feels like it weighs ten pounds. She tries to move her arms, but realizes she’s strapped down to a chair, arms pinned with leather straps. She tries moving her legs, but they feel heavy, as does every muscle in her body. 

_Ana_

A noise breaks through the silence in her ears, muffled as if she’s listening to it submerged under water. Her head moves towards the sound, trying to find it’s source. Her fingers twitch, and she suddenly begins to feel every other ache in her body coming to the surface.

She can feel two tender spots, on one the left side of her neck, as if something stabbed her with a pencil. One on the crook of her elbow on her right arm, along with a phantom sting of her right wrist.  _A tracker_. A tracker was shot into her wrist by her bracelet, that she no longer has on.

_Annie doll._

Through her dark, lethargic mind, images of what happened flashes by. The two agents, the small fight, the needle at her neck, Erik Wood sneering her ear, and the terrified look in eyes so, so blue. Bucky. Ana’s head shoots up. She groans and winces, clamping her teeth shut as a wave of nausea rising up from her stomach. She inhales deeply through her nose, shutting her eyes, willing for it to past. She breathes out her mouth once it passes and slowly opens her eyes. What she sees in front of her makes her close then again, because this can’t be happening.

She reopens her eyes, her worse nightmare set up right in front of her. Bucky is there, a relieved expression washing over his face, his shoulders slumping. He is sitting several feet away from her, strapped down to the electro-shock chair, the one that has starred in her dreams, the one that suppresses memories, the one that wipes away the mind; Bucky’s mind.

“Hi, Annie.” Bucky says, his voice steady, smiling despite their current predicament. 

“No.” She whispers horrified.

Breathing hard through her nose, her chest expanding up and down, she tries fighting back the bile that’s threatening to rise from her stomach again. Her chin trembles and she grind her teeth together to stop it. She stares straight at Bucky. There’s a look of devastating defeat shinning in his eyes, his smile now a self-deprecating tugging at his mouth. Almost saying that he’s failed her. If anyone has failed anyone, it’s Ana, because she couldn’t keep him out of Hydra’s hands.

Ana shakes her head. “No, no,  _no_." 

The last word breaks, tears stinging and welling up in her eyes. Fear prickles throughout her body, and she doesn’t know how to get him out of this. She doesn’t know how to save him. Her body begins to tremble.

"Hey,” Bucky coaxes softly. “Darling, it’s going to be alright. I’ll keep you safe, I promise.”

God, of fucking course his only goal here is to protect her. She can’t blame him though, since her only goal is to protect him too, get him out of that horrible chair.

“This is my fault.” He continues, his lips dropping into a frown. There’s a split second of fear crossing his face before he schools it again.

“No, God, no. Don’t.” Ana nearly gasps, trying to control her breathing. “I’m so sorry, Bucky. I-”

“Baby.” His voice is gentle, it aches Ana’s heart. “Don’t blame yourself either.”

She watches as Bucky glances around the room, then he’s flexing his arms, biceps bulging beneath his shirt. There’s a cracking sound, and in a few seconds Bucky will be free. It’s then Ana notices two machines dawning automatic guns on either side of him, following his movements. She lifts her eyes and see the same type of machine on either side of her.

“Ah ah, Sergeant.“ Erik Woods suddenly tisks from behind Ana. "You break free, these guns will shoot her. She breaks free, then shoot you. Wouldn’t want her blood on your hands now would we?”

Ana’s heart sinks to her feet. He can’t know that. There’s no way he could know that’s Bucky’s deepest and worse fear. Bucky stops moving, an absolutely feral look on his face, his jaw clenching. Then, he looks stoic all of a sudden, but Ana sees the flash of terror reflecting in his eyes. Ana feels a hand at the nap of her neck, gripping her hair and yanking her head backwards.

"Don’t fucking touch her!” Bucky shouts, struggling against the bonds again. The guns next to Ana move, whirring to life. He halts.

“Took you long enough to wake up.” Erik smirks, then pushes her head forward. He walks around so he’s standing between them. He is smirking at her, mocking her, and Ana wishes a slow painful death on him.

“If you escape, Rios, if you use your nifty little power to shut down the power, I’ll put a bullet in that head of his. Let’s test that shall we?”

Erik’s hand jerks out to her throat, wrapping his fingers around her neck and squeezing; hard. All air is cut from Ana.

She hears thrashing, hears Bucky screaming “Get your fucking hands off her!”

Ana’s eyes fall to him, watching as he jerks in the chair, rage coloring his face, terror in his eyes. Ana clenches her fists, trying uselessly to gasp for air. Her vision is becoming blurry around the edges and her face feels hot, probably turning a deep red. Her body begins to jerk involuntary, desperate to break free and breathe. Bucky’s screams of fury fade out in her ears. Her heart pumping slower.

Then, Erik releases her. Her head falls forward, Ana heaving air to fill her lungs. She gasps, and sputters, coughing as she regains her breath. She inhales mouthfuls of air, trying to get the oxygen back to her brain.

“His life is worth more than yours? How pitiful.” He rolls his eyes, glancing over his shoulder. "He’s nothing but our weapon.”

“I will murder you, and I will take my sweet ass time doing so.” Bucky growls, a snarl on his lips.

Ana wills her body to calm down, holding her ability back as much as she can. “You were in charge of everything.” She pants, shaking her head. “You realize once we get out of here, that we’re all coming for you, right?”

“You think so? As you said, I have been in charge of everything.” Erik smiles back at her, pulling out a gun from his belt. He scratches his chin with the barrel. Insane fucker. “Those Avengers have no fucking idea either of you are here. I had to distract them, I had to distract everyone including you during your little session. I hacked into your phone and sent a text to Max. I planted a harmless bomb on the west side of the building, drawing almost every agent, every guard, every Avenger’s attention away from the Lab.”

Ana frowns briefly, shifting her eyes to meet Buck’s own confused gaze. They come to the same conclusion at the same moment. That’s what Ana had felt, the energy from the bomb, the energy from people buzzing around it.

“You’d think I’d just waltz in there without a plan?” Erik continues, “I’ve been planning this for years.”

Bucky shakes his head, mouthing,  _Years_? Ana shrugs he best she can with her arms held down. She refocuses her eyes on the crazy man in front of her.

“What the fuck are you talking about?” She demands. Might as well keep him talking, since he’s wrong about no one knowing they’re here.

He spins, a manic grin on his face. “I convinced Simon Mills to speed up the words, and to over take the fifth stage. I delayed you on purpose. I sent one of our agents to compromise the ninth stage. I have been undercover since the fall of SHIELD and Hydra in DC during 2014. I stayed undercover because I had a bigger mission than Alexander Pierce.”

Ana’s heart is racing. Erik steps closer to her, dragging a finger down her cheek. She jerks away from his touch, and she can feel how tangible Bucky’s rage is.

“It was meant to be you all along, AnaRosa Rios.” Erik tells her. “You heard of Dr. Zola’s Algorithm? A program that targets anyone who’s a threat, now or in the future, to Hydra. We knew of someone from your family to be special…your mother.”

Ana’s blood begins to boil, her heat racing.

“She was an Empathetic Healer just like you, though no where near your caliber. Which is probably why she never mentioned it to you, huh.” Erik shrugs and continues.

“Your mother was rather sick during her first pregnancy, did you know that? Your father decided to take her to a Doctor named Murphy Woods. He told her she was a high risk pregnancy, kept her coming back for vitamin injections, or so he said. He injected her with a serum, one designed to make our own special group of soldiers.”

“Fuck.” Bucky breathes from behind Woods.

Ana can hardly react right now, keeping her eyes locked on Erik. She had no idea about any of this.

“The super soldier serum is a beautiful thing.” He goes on. “However, if we could take that concept, and design it to activate the X gene in DNA, why not? We could easily monitor newborns, children, figure out if they were enchanted. The only problem was, the drug was too new, it took too long. Until your family came along. Dr. Woods, or dad, as I like to call him, convinced your mother that her second pregnancy was high risk as well. It was perfect, since there was only a three year difference between the babies. We could watch the eldest child, while keeping an eye on the infant.”

“You sick fuckers.” Ana whispers horrified. They’ve been watching her and Alex their entire lives.

Erik ignores her. “We thought it was moot. Nothing had happened. Until your parents died, and the power at the funeral knocked out, along with ten other blocks. We knew it was one of her children. So, we followed closely, Alex always seemed to be around when it happened. Then he enlisted in the army. He beat out everyone else in training. He was tall, fit, fast, strong. Everything we knew the super soldiers to be.

"We thought it was him, and we took him. Needed to whip him into compliance.” He turns to look at Bucky. “You know how that is, Soldier.”

“I will rip your dick straight off your body you piece of shit.” Ana growls, clenching her hands.

Erik tisks, walking around until he’s behind her again, pressing his cheek against hers. 

“Ah, ah, Rios. That tongue will get you both in trouble. We wasted time on your pathetic brother. Could’ve spent all this effort shutting that bitchy little mouth of yours up.” He roughly grabs a fist full of her hair at the roots, yanking her head back. Ana yelps. His lips graze her ear.

“I will make you watch him suffer before I break you.” Then he jerks her head forward, releasing her hair.

The lights in the room glow bright and the machines the guns are on shake. Erik is in front of her again, one eyebrow quirked up, as if challenging Ana to do more. She inhales slowly, thinks of keeping Bucky safe and bullet free, and controls her anger. The lights return to normal and the machines stop.

“Good girl.“ Erik smiles patronizingly. It makes her stomach churn. "Obviously, we figured out it wasn’t your brother, but since we already started the memory process with him, we sent him to kill you, just for fun. It nearly worked, until we realized how powerful you really were. Without even knowing it!" 

He laughs and it echoes to her bones. He comes closer to her, bending over. "You probably would have made a great addition to Hydra, the both of you. The Life drainer. The Soldier. Too bad we convinced Alex to kill himself. Just shot himself in the head, crying for his baby sister.”

Ana feels fire in her veins. She spits in Erik’s face. A sharp, stinging pain shoots across her left cheek as her face is jerked to the side. She hears Bucky shouting, struggling against the chair. Ana blinks the shock away, stretching her jaw to combat the pain. She turns her back to glare at Erik, seething. The lights flicker again, and she forms a plan.

When she spits in his face again, Erik’s hand shoots to her throat, squeezing his fingers around her neck. This is what she was counting on. Bucky is screaming, but Ana beings pulling Erik’s energy out from his body. It takes him several long moments to realize what she’s doing. Then he abruptly releases Ana, backhanding her hard once more across the mouth with the end of his gun.

“Clever little bitch.” He gasps, taking a step back.

Warm blood gathers quickly in her mouth from her busted lip, and she spits blood and saliva at his feet. Erik grabs her hair at her roots, yanking her head back roughly.

“Just for that.”

He tucks his gun away, then pulls something out of his back pocket. He shows it off to Ana, a small five prong disk that looks like the widow’s bite, each point as sharp as needles. He presses the middle, then shoves the device against Ana’s inner right knee. 

A searing pain enters her knee and it feels like the little rods in her knee are being yanked from her bones. She screams in agony, throwing her head back. All she feels is blinding pain at the moment, building and building until something pops inside her knee. Tears sting behind her closed eyes, falling down her cheeks, her hands gripping the edges of the chair. She can barely hear Bucky screaming out for her, but it’s his voice that has her trying to regain her own screams, to control her own breath. She’s had worse pain, she tells herself, and begins to breathe through her mouth.

“There. Stark’s pieces of shit technology disabled.” Erik says gleefully. “Probably shouldn’t list a knee issue in your file,  _sweetheart_.”

Ana hears Buck threatening him again, so she focuses on his voice, no matter how menacing he sounds. She has to be strong for him, she has to be able to grit her teeth, suck it up and get him out of that chair. She has to save him, because she will be damned if Bucky falls right back into the abusive, heartless hands of Hydra once more.

Inhaling a deep, calming breath, Ana drops her head back down, finding Bucky’s eyes through her own watery ones. She offers him a shaky smile and the look on his face breaks her heart.

“I’ll get you out of here, baby, I swear it.” Bucky whispers his voice cracking, as a few tears escape his own blue eyes.

Ana nods, biting her lip but winces at the cut. The pain in her knee is subsiding into a throbbing ache. She slowly kicks her legs out to test it, but the sharpness shoots back up her thigh. If she escapes this, it’s going to be difficult to fight, hell, to even walk. Erik suddenly pats her thigh, causing Ana to grit her teeth.

“We could see it, you know.“ Erik says, his voice sounding dreamy. "Imagine it. Having an asset with your powers would make Hydra unstoppable. The Winter Soldier and an Energy Alchemist. Someone who could literally drain the life from people with just a simple touch. They were meant to take you, not your brother. They were meant to brainwash you, Rios.”

“But, things happen and get in the way, so I waited. I bided my time, then The Winter Soldier ends up in the same place I am. Under cover for years, which was amazing fucking luck! Then, you went ahead and fell in love with each other.” He laughs brightly. “That’s where you failed. Love is weakness.”

Ana is in pain, her right leg beginning to go numb from her shin down, but a radiating sharp pain shoots up her thigh. Blood is still seeping into her mouth, so she spits it out once again. She can’t take this anymore, she cracks. She shakes her head, chuckling under her breath, before her laughter becomes louder.

“Um. Ana. This isn’t the kind of time to be laughing, sweetheart.“ Bucky says, his tone utterly confused and voice raw from screaming.

“Oh, it’s fucking hilarious.” Ana sneers at Erik. “Every villain, which is you by the way, dickless, believes that. That love has no place in a world of violence and control, world domination. Love isn’t weakness, you fucking tit bag. It’s strength. Just because your sick as fuck father was fixated on other children rather than his own son doesn’t mean it’s weak.”

Erik grabs her face, his fingers pressing into the cut on her lip. She hit a nerve for sure, given the glint of rage in his eyes. “I’m going to shut that nasty mouth of yours up, by making you watch your beloved Soldier’s mind be blended again. He won’t recognize you. He will shoot you on my command and you will be powerless to stop it.”

He releases her face, looks at her blood on his thumb, then wipes it on his jeans. “What I neglected to inform you, Rios, is like the Captain and the Soldier here, we can recreate the serum injected into your mother. We can draw your own blood, and recreated your powers.” He laughs. “So, if I wanted to kill you. If I really wanted to, I would have no regrets in losing your source. I just need your blood, and you don’t have to be alive for that.”

Ana knew he fucking took blood from her already. The tiny needle mark in the crook of her elbow is evidence. She glares at Erik, wishing he could burn in hell at this very moment.

“The greatest thing about this,” He laughs again. “Is that you nearly fixed him. You almost deprogrammed him to, what?Just end up back in his favorite little chair.”

Erik leers at Bucky. “I see the terror in your eyes, Barnes. You won’t be able to work your way through this one.”

Ana’s skin prickles with fear, with failure, and she wants to focus her energy, use it to pull Erik’s own out, to stop this process from happening. But the guns are still poised at Bucky, following every tiny move of his. If she does that, the guns will fire. She doesn’t know what to do at this point, but she can not just sit here and watch him go through torture once again.

“Bucky.” Her voice breaks, copper heavy on her tongue, bile rising up and burning her throat.

Bucky inhales slowly, closing his eyes. He takes a moment, before breathing out and reopens them. The smile he gives her is soft, loving, like they’re back in his bed wrapped around each other. The fond look in his eyes is there, it’s the same one he gives her when she’s rambling on about something.

“It’s going to be fine, Annie. I swear.” Bucky tells her firmly. “Don’t worry, baby.”

“I love you.” She says, she has to tell him, to remind him. “I’m so sorry. I love you.”

“I love you so much.” He tells her, his voice soft.

Erik moves behind her, pressing something on the wall, the buzz of the chair coming to life. He apparently pulled to his gun out again, pressing the barrel to Ana’s jaw from behind her. Bucky falls silent, a deadly look overtaking his soft expression. Ana’s heart stutters in her chest at the sight of it all. She forces air out of her nose, and flexes her arms against the restraints. He leans down to her level, his lips grazing over her ear.

“The most satisfying part of this,” Erik tells her lowly in her ear, “is having you watch all your hard work come undone. You failed, Ana. Did you think that your silly little tactics were going to work? Deprogram decades of Hydra’s most successful project with some meaningless, pathetic exercises." 

Ana closes her eyes against the prickling she feels in them. Clenching and unclenching her fist. She’s made her decision, can feel energy buzzing at her fingertips.

"Did you honestly think,” He pauses, pressing his mouth closer. “that falling in love with him would just erase everything?”

Ana jerks her head away from him. He straightens up and removes the gun. A tear escapes from her left eye, rolling down her cheek. Slowly, Ana locks gazes with Bucky, his expression broken, his blue eyes wide and desperate.

 _I’m so sorry_ , she mouths at him as another tear falls. He shakes his head,still offering her a calm smile.

“You are the realest thing in my life. I’ll come back to you.” He whispers to her.

“This will be fun.” Erik says from behind her. He smacks his hand against something once more.

Suddenly, the machine whizzes to life, and the chair leans back. Bucky’s chest is heaving with every anticipating breath, his hands squeezing into fists. The head pieces move to press against his face, a loud zipping noise echoes through the room. A clenched scream rips from Bucky’s throat, and shoots straight through Ana’s heart, shattering in her chest.

She can’t take her eyes off him, watching horrified as the machine begins to wipe his memories once more. Ana can’t let that happen to him again. Can’t let the pain, the torture continue. There’s so much energy whizzing throughout the room and Ana’s eyes fall shut. The sound of Bucky’s screams filling her ears, her body, her heart.

The buildup of energy is quick, can feel it surging around her, prickles her skin like needles. Ana feels it, holds that feeling in her chest until it’s about to burst. She inhales slowly, then releases it. A bright blue light explodes through the room, the lighting simultaneously shutting off. The room is thrown into darkness, the chair ceases noise and Bucky’s screams have stopped. There’s a thud behind her, like a body hitting the floor. The only source of light is coming from a red emergency light. It only took three seconds.

With the power temporarily down, Ana pulls as hard as she can again her bonds until they snap free, burning away from the hot energy her skin is emitting. She launches out of her chair towards Bucky, adrenaline masking any pain. She yanks the arms of the memory zapper machine, putting her foot on the chair for leverage. It gives way, and Ana nearly falls back with momentum. She climbs onto the chair, straddling Bucky’s thighs and puts her hands on his face, on the same spots where the machine was.

“Bucky, Bucky. Look at me!” Ana says frantically. His eyes are unfocused, head rolling against the chair. “I’m here, Bucky, come back to me.”

“Annie.” He murmurs, slowly picking his head up. She smiles at him, about to use her ability to heal what she can.

“Z _helaniye! Rzhavyy! Semnadtsat!"_ The words are shouted behind her, one right after the other.

Bucky’s eyes flicker. 

"No, no, Bucky, focus on me.” Ana tells him. “Think of the good memories.”

_“Rassvet! Furnace! Pech!”_

Bucky shakes his head, then yanks free of the restraints. The movement shifts Ana, and she tightens her thighs to stay on. His hands grip her hips tightly, making her wince.

“Bucky-”

“Go!” Bucky abruptly snaps.

“No. I am not leaving you!” Ana tells him fiercely “Keep fighting it.”

_“Devyat! Dobroserdechnyy!”_

“Can’t.” He says, his body shaking with the effort to hold back.

“Yes you can! Remember what’s real in here. You can fight this!”

_“Vozvrashcheniye na rodinu! Odin!”_

Ana presses her forehead against his, moves her hand to the center of his chest. Bucky grits his teeth, his grip tightening on her hips enough to bruise.

“Run.” He murmurs. 

_“Gruzovoy vagon!!”_

Ana is thrown off, falling hard onto the floor, pain radiating throughout her body, but she ignores it all. She rights herself quickly, staring up at Bucky who’s standing over her, looking down at her with a thousand-yard stare, eyes void of any emotion. The flashing red light illuminates his stone cold face, and it’s the first time he actually looks menacing. He tilts his head to the side as he looks at her. Ana and Erik speak at the same time.

“Bucky?”

_“Soldat?”_

For several long moments, Bucky just continues to stare at Ana. Then, he lifts his eyes to look behind her. 

 _“Gotovy soblyudat."_ He responds flatly, emotionless, the Winter Soldier replacing her Bucky.

"No.” Ana breathes. She slowly stands up, Bucky’s eyes snapping back to hers. She limps closer, firmly pressing both hands against his chest again. 

 _“Ona vrag. Ubit’ yeye bol'no.”_  

_She is the enemy, kill her, painfully._

Bucky grabs her left wrist, twisting her arm away as he swings his metal fist towards her face. Ana ducks, nearly avoiding his punch, and brings her left knee up to nail him in the gut. His hand loosens enough for her to pull her arm away, turning to find a weapon of some sort. The only weapon in the room is in Erik’s hands, who seems content to watch Bucky kill her. That’s not going to happen.

A metal arm wraps around her neck, locking her a choke hold. Flashes of that first time run through her mind. She tires the same move, but Bucky lifts her, cutting of air supply, her toes barely touching the floor. Instead, Ana performs the same trick she had done while he was training her. She quickly finds his knee with her foot, uses the leverage to twist and push herself up, swinging her right leg around and twisting in the air. Her move breaks Bucky’s hold enough, his arms slipping down her body. She kicks off his shoulder harder than she did during training. The force of his knocks him backwards, falling to the ground. Ana lands on her feet.

She’s reminded of the device still lodged in her knee and she stumbles. Ana clenched her teeth in pain, yelping as she grabs the device and slowly pulls it out of her knee. She takes too much time doing it, and when she steadies herself, Bucky is standing. However, he head is tilted and he looks…confused, his eyebrows knitted together slightly.

“You know who I am, Bucky.” Ana says, keeping her voice calm. “You know me, Sergeant Snowflake.”

His head twitches, his eyes flashing. Ana lifts the device, then flicks it towards Erik. She takes advantages of the Soldier’s conflicted stare, moving past Bucky and advancing towards Erik. He lifts his gun, aiming and firing at her chest. The bullet is suddenly blocked by a metal arm in front of her. Ana blinks in surprised, then she’s being shoved backwards, out of the line of fire.

“You fucking moron! I said to kill her!” Erik shouts.

Bucky’s head twitches again, and he widens his stance. It gives Ana the opportunity she needs. She takes several, painful, steps backwards, grits her teeth, then runs. She drops down at the last moment, sliding between Bucky’s legs and pops directly in front of Erik.

His look of appalled shock is amusing.

“You forget who you fucked with.” She sneers, then thrusts the heel of her palm up into his nose. 

She hears a crunch but doesn’t waste time, kneeing him in the gut. Be bends over grunting, blood streaming from his nose. Ana takes the gun from his slackened grip, but he suddenly grabs her arm, yanking her to the side. Her knee twinges sharply in pain and she stumbles, gritting her teeth.

Erik slams her against the wall, knocking the gun out of her hand. Ana kicks his knee cap with her left foot, Erik shouting out in pain. She breaks away from his hold, and takes that chance to go for the gun. She stops short. The metal of the gun gleams against the light, barrel pointing straight at her held by Bucky. There’s a split moment where time stands still as they stare at each other.

The Winter Soldier pulls the trigger.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I literally just left the past two chapters with cliffhangers....whoops....except, that was my intention..... :D
> 
> Fun fact: I've had that last chapter, this one, and the last three WRITTEN FOR TWO MONTHS. I've been planning this all along *MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA*
> 
> I need coffee.
> 
> Thank you for reading!


	49. Chapter 49

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Blood, violence, fighting, language.

 

_Erik slams her against the wall, knocking the gun out of her hand. Ana kicks his knee cap with her left foot, Erik shouting out in pain. She breaks away from his hold, and takes that chance to go for the gun. She stops short. The metal of the gun gleams against the light, barrel pointing straight at her held by Bucky. There's a split moment where time stands still as they stare at each other._

_Then, The Winter Soldier pulls the trigger._  

***

Gun fire echoes loudly through the room, ringing in Ana's ears. Time seems to stand still for one long moment. She exhales. When no pain comes, Ana slowly turns around. Erik Woods is on the ground, clutching at his bleeding chest. The wound isn’t fatal, but it’s enough to keep him down.

Footsteps behind Ana draws her attention back to Bucky. He’s inches away from her, holding the gun at an angle, still aimed at her. He flicks his thumb and the bullets fall to the ground, quickly followed by the gun itself. Bucky reaches his hand out, cupping the back of Ana’s head and pulls her forward, searing their lips together.

Ana gasps into his mouth, practically melting into his arms. "You scared the fucking hell out of me!"

"I'm so fucking sorry." Bucky mumbles against her lips. He swipes his thumbs over her cheeks.

"You came back to me, Bucky." She whispers, tears welling up in her eyes. She kisses his lips harder, ignoring the sting of her cut lip.

Bucky pulls back and the soft, relieved smile on his mouth only last two seconds. He frowns, moving his thumb to the left corner of her lip. Ana does the same to his own, wiping away a smear of blood. It should be gross, and completely unsanitary, but she doesn't give a damn at the moment. She just happy to have her Bucky in her arms. 

“Gotta get you out of here.” He tells her, dragging his hands down her face, to her neck and down her arms. "Give me one second."

Ana watches as Bucky steps on the chair, yanking one of the guns from the machine. He gives it to Ana to hold. Then he bends down, gently hooking the back of her knees over his left arm and wrapping his right around her back. Ana puts her arm around his neck, holding the gun right in her hand as he picks her up and hurries out of the room.

“What about dickless over there?” She asks, glancing over Bucky’s shoulder. 

“I’ll deal with him later.” He growls, his voice low and malicious. “Need to get you to safety first.”

Ana looks back him. She can abruptly feel unadulterated loathing radiating off him. His expression is murderous, and she wonders if he isn’t fully broken out of his Winter Soldier mode. His eyes have darkened with ferocity, the muscle at his jaw twitching, his mouth set into a firm line. Bucky is livid. She has never seen him this angry before. It should scare her, but she hasn't once feared him since he first came into his life. She knows, no matter what, that she is the safest with him.

“Bucky, babe.” She murmurs, bringing her right hand up to his face, brushing her fingers against his jaw. “I’m alright.”

His nostrils flare, his mouth twitches. He tightens his arms around her, practically running down the hall. "I will make him pay for ever fucking touching you."

Ana kisses the joint of his jaw, cradling the gun against her torso, she places her hand gently on his chest. His heart is pounding, and she can't figure it out if because he's anxious to get out of the building, or has to do with Ana herself.

"Are  _you_  okay?" She questions, rubbing her thumb over his shirt.

"I'm fine, babydoll." He answers softly, so unlike the tone he just used. He pauses as he hears voices. He presses a quick kiss to her temple. "You're safe now."

He makes a decision and turns down another hallway, quickly checking around the corner before jogging down the hallway. Ana winces as the movement jolts her knee. She glances at it, a dark spot that rails down her ripped jeans, soaked with her own blood. She removes her hand from Bucky's chest, gingerly pressing her fingers on the outside of her knee. She hisses in pain.

"Will you be able to run if need be?" Bucky questions, slowing his jogs.

"Not sure." Ana breathes, resting her head against his shoulder for a moment, the dull pain aching to her bones. "Adrenaline is slowing down."

There are more voices coming from up ahead. Bucky stops at an intersection of four hallways. "I have to put you down, darling. Wait here." 

He carefully lowers her. His hands are tight on her hips as Ana steadies herself, keeping the majority of her weight on her left leg. Bucky takes the gun, cocking it and pulling the lever, adjusting it in her hands. He glances over his shoulder as the voices get louder, closer. He looks back at her.

"Keep it poised, and the second you see it's anyone but me, you shoot." He tells her firmly, his blue eyes burning with protectiveness. "Don't hesitate."

"Buck-"

"You're hurt, Ana. I need you to protect yourself first, ask questions later." Bucky pecks her forehead, gripping her shoulders. "Promise?"

Ana nods.

"I'll be right back."

"Be careful." She whispers as he lets her go and runs quietly down the hall.

Ana stares after his retreating back, leaning against the wall next to her. She takes a moment to just breathe, to revel the fact that her and Bucky had escaped that room, despite knowing it might be premature. It takes several seconds, but suddenly the voices get louder, and someone is shouting. Ana hears a quick scuffle, loud thuds, and a few gun shots. She tries to keep her heart calm, knows that Bucky is highly capable of handling more than one person at a time. It doesn't stop her worry though.

She hears running footsteps coming towards her. Ana locks her arms, placing her index finger on the trigger. She pushes herself off the wall, shifting her weight on her left leg. The footsteps get closer and closer, then Bucky rounds the corner, holding another semi-automatic rifle, and a Glock. A knife gleams in the lights, tucked into the belt of his jeans. Ana lowers her gun. He reaches her, an intrigued smirk pulling up the corner of his mouth. He pulls the knife from his belt, tucking it carefully into her own.

"Ya know," Bucky begins, handing her the smaller weapon. "You look hot holding that gun."

"Are you honestly flirting with me right now, after we've been kidnapped, nearly tortured and mind wiped, and probably going to be fighting for our lives?"

He pauses. "Yes."

"Well, okay then." Ana smiles at him.

"C'mere." Bucky pulls her closer to his body, being careful of her injured knee. He kisses the cut free corner of her mouth. "I love you, Ana."

Ana leans against him, inhaling his scent. The fading smell of woods and sweat and a little metallic, given that some of the blood of her knee has stained his shirt. She loves every bit of him. She kisses the center of his chest, over his beating heart.

"Love you too." She mutters.

"Let’s go." He pulls back, makes to carry her again.

"I can walk. Promise." Ana tells him, but she grabs onto the hem of his shirt anyway.

Bucky looks like he's about to protest, but they don't have any more time to waste before Erik decides to find them again. He nods, then leads the way down the hallway to their right.

****

Ana is limping, each step sending a sharp jolt of pain through her knee. She grinds her teeth a few times, forcing steady breaths through her nose. Several times, Bucky stops them to check around corners, to scan hallways for any doors or exits. Each time he does, he checks on her, raising his eyebrows in a silent question. Each time, Ana nods, masking her pain.

After walking for a few minutes, they hear sounds of fighting several yards ahead. A door opens and two men run out of a room. They spot Ana and Bucky, quickly pulling out their guns. Faster than the men, Bucky aims and fires, hitting the men in the arms and legs. They fall to the ground shouting in pain.

"You missed their vitals." Ana notes, staying behind Bucky as he approaches the men. 

"Not trying to kill anyone, baby. Not yet." He says, kicking away their guns. "Would you like to do the honors?" 

Ana beams. She recognizes one of the men as the guard she fought in the Lab. She turns the gun around, thrusting the blunt end against the side of his head, hard, knocking him out. She does the same for the other guy as well, spots another knife, and pulls it off the man. She twirls it expertly between her fingers before sliding it into her left boot.

Bucky has the decency to roll his eyes before beckoning her along. They hear more fighting, more shouting. Bucky holds his arm out before they reach metal doors, checking back at her once more. Ana nods, determine to fucking leave this place. Guns at the ready, Bucky kicks the doors open. They come face to face with Hawkeye. 

There's a moment of relieved surprise washing over Ana. Then Clint pulls his bow back and releases. The arrow flies over Ana's shoulder, hitting someone behind her. When she turns to look, another guard had been sneaking up behind them. Bucky turns, slamming the doors shut, then roughly kicks off the handle.

"Sorry it took so long." Clint quips, jerking his head for them to follow him. "That GPS in your arm was on the level of Map Quest."

"Tony's going to kill you for that." Ana states, smiling despite the situation. She glances around the room, a large open area that looks more like a hanger for planes than anything else.

Bucky begins to inform Clint of what happened, or at least the shortened version of it. Up ahead, Ana sees more guards fighting, and it suddenly dawns on her that this was an unknown Hydra facility. A flash of red and gold whizzes through the air, Ana's heart soaring in her chest, knowing that it's Tony. Next, she sees Natasha take down four Hydra guards without breaking a sweat.

"Is everyone here?" Ana asks. She stumbles reaching out to the nearest thing, which happens to be Clint's forearm.

"Of course." He scoffs, gripping her elbow. His expression morphs into concern. "You alright? How injured are you?"

"Woods shoved a fucking five-pronged disk in her knee." Bucky tells him, his voice turning cold again. "We need to get her out of here, now."

Clint helps Ana straighten up, only to pass her over to Bucky. "The Quinjet is hovering just above the roof access there. We'll clear a path as much as we can." He presses two fingers to his ear. "Do guys copy that?"

Ana grips Bucky's arm. "I want to help."

He shoots her a hard look, his blue eyes blazing. "Absolutely fucking not."

"Bucky."

He tucks one of the guns under his arm, placing his hand on her face. "Ana, please. For once, just protect yourself. I'm getting you out of here."

His point is made when bullets suddenly fly towards the three of them. Bucky drops the one gun, shielding Ana away with his left arm. She hears several tinkering noises as they hurry behind a stack of metal crates. Once they're out of the way and the bullets stop, both of them pop out from behind their cover, firing their guns.

Ana quickly runs out of ammo, cursing the stupid guard who was too lazy to put in a new magazine. Clint fires an arrow across the room, exploding into a small group of Hydra agents. Ana feels her skin prickling, can feel the surge of energy racing up her spine. It's everywhere. Kinetic, negative and positive, charged and burning, radiating off of people and their weapons. Her fingertips tingle with it, nearly palpable she can almost grab it.

Inhaling through her nose, she gathers the energy around her, until she can feel it burning in her hands. The agents found their hiding spot, ten of them quickly advancing. Ana smirks, then channels the kinetic energy into the metal creates. Three of them go flying ahead, taking out all ten guards.

"I did not know you could do that." Clint says impressed, shooting another arrow without looking. It lands in a guard’s shoulder, taking him down.

Bucky is looking curious, but proud of her. Ana shrugs, it's a new discovery herself. Something heavy and loud thuds onto of the top remaining creates. When she looks up she waves at Steve, dressed in his Captain's uniform, his shield hooked on his arm. He gives her an exasperated look, before he waves back, his eyes shifting over to Bucky.

"Causing trouble, pal?" He questions with a teasing tone.

"Was starting to get bored, I guess." Bucky quips back, shrugging.

Steve laughs, then jumps down, landing light on his feet. He places his free hand on Ana's shoulder, his blue eyes filled with worry. He quickly does a scan of her body. From her busted lip, to her cheek where a bruise is probably beginning to form, as well as her neck, to her knee, and frowns. There's the same fire of anger sparking in his eyes, though no where near as murderous as Bucky's.

"Vision and Wanda are clearing path right now." Steve informs them. "Just fifty feet ahead and up the stairs. There's a ladder leading to the roof access where the jet is. Sharon and Agent Hill are there. But you need to go now."

Bucky doesn't hesitate, nods once, then tugs Ana along. She tries to run at full speed, but she hisses as it feels like something in her knee snaps. She grips Bucky's shirt as he shoots a stray guard down. He turns to help her, when something flies past them.

"Sam!" He shouts, wrapping his metal arm around her waist. He hoists her up a bit, so all her weight is off her right leg. Sam circles back around, landing next to them. He quickly goes to her other side grabbing her arm to place around his neck.

"Take her to the second level close to the roof." Bucky tells him. To Ana he says, "I'll meet you up there."

"Be careful." Ana says firmly. Sam carefully picks her up as Bucky did earlier.

Bucky smiles and nods, then takes off. He turns for a moment. "Wilson!"

"I've got her!" Sam promises. "Hold on tight, honey."

Ana tightens her arm around his neck and grips his shirt. The wings of his pack shoot open and Sam is taking off into the air. The sensation of flying Ana will never get used to. She yelps when Sam has to twirl and maneuver out of the way of gunfire. It only takes thirty seconds before he lands again, gently setting her down.

"Take this." He says, pulling a small gun from his holster and shoving it in her hands. "He's right behind you. I'll see you later."

"Thanks Sam." Ana sighs out, readying the gun.

He points a finger at her. "Don't you scare me like that again, Ana. I mean it." Then he takes off.

Ana sees Bucky running up the stairs, a Hydra guard following after him. She aims the gun and shoots, hitting the guard in the stomach. He goes down hard, as Bucky takes the rest of the stairs two at a time. He reaches her, quickly wrapping his arm around her lower back and helping her along. The majority of the fighting is now several yards behind them. She tucks the gun away.

They reach the ladder. Bucky carefully takes his arms away to hold her hips instead as Ana wraps her hands around the thin bars. He gently pushes her up the stairs. She painfully makes it up four steps, before a gunshot goes off. Ana shouts, slipping down the steps. She falls backwards but Bucky catches her, cursing loudly. A new pain blooms in her left shoulder, and when she looks, a bleeding bullet hole is the cause. Bucky blocks her from of the line of fire with his left arm, but the firing ceases.

When they look down at the first floor, Erik Woods is there, gun in hand. It's not the only weapon he has, however. His right arm is shoved into a device that looks like a blaster of some sort. He smirks as it makes a winding noise, the end of it glowing yellow. Ana realizes it's some sort of energy beam gun that is aimed directly at them both.

"I don't need you alive, Rios!" Erik yells, a manic look on his face.

Ana yanks Bucky aside, the beam missing him by three feet. He grabs his gun that had tucked into his belt, shooting at Erik, but he dodges the bullets. Ignoring her throbbing, bleeding shoulder, she takes out Sam's gun and shoots as well, blood running down her arm. She's able to nick Erik's leg. Bucky aims for his hand, hitting dead on and the regular gun falls to the ground. Bucky shoots again, hitting his shoulder, leg, and stomach before Erik dives behind a create.

Ana drops the gun once it's out of bullets. Instead, she quickly pulls the kinetic energy from the air, but as she's doing so, Erik pops out from the other side of the crate. He aims his remaining weapon, shooting it straight at Ana. Bucky lunges to protect her, stretching his left arm out. There's a bright light, a crunching sound and they're both sent flying to the floor from the force of the beam. Shaking her head and clearing her vision, Ana sits up the same time as Bucky pushes himself up. She puts a shaky hand over her mouth, the sight of him nearly makes her vomit. 

Bucky's metal arm has been completely shot off. Nothing left but a stump of broken, red glowing, scorched wires, chords and scrapped metal. Bucky is slow to get to his knees. He glances over to his side, just to see nothing there. His expression is one of absolute anguish. He looks like he's going into shock, as if his body is shutting down from the trauma. Then he passes out, falling hard to the ground.

"Bucky!" Ana screams. All her senses coming back to her, but the only thing she feels is the utter terror in her heart. She crawls over to him, tears falling down her face, just as another beam is set her way.

Ana turns, literally catching it in her hands. The force knocks her back, slams her against a metal pillar. She stands, but doesn't feel any pain, just a white-hot sensation in her hands. It surges throughout her body, ignites very vein, every fiber of her being down to her core. She concentrates on the glowing light, keeps it contained between her palms as the beam comes to an end. She vaguely hears another gunshot, vaguely feels something pierce her stomach. All she's focusing on is the energy in her hands. 

She inhales slowly, shuts her eyes, inches her hands closer and closer until the light begins to fade. She clenches her fist, lowering her arms. Ana had adsorbed the energy, containing it in her body, her arms trembling. When her eyes snap open, she feels them burning. Feels her skin as if it's on fire, feels her blood boiling and her fingertips sizzling. Through the searing white light of her eyes, she sees a dark silhouette. 

Lifting her hands, Ana thrusts them forward. The watts of energy leaves her body, rushes out like water breaking open a dam, sent directly towards the silhouette. She feels it wrap around the silhouette, so she clenches her hands and tugs. A new sensation crashes over her body, tugging and pulling until the other source of energy starts to fade away. She continues to pull and pull, until she begins to feel every drop drain from her body, a slow weakness being left behind.

There's a soft graze to her calf, the gentlest of touches. Abruptly, the energy halts. All bright lights dissipate. Ana can hardly see through fuzzy vision, smoke and electrical currents racing along the ceiling before she crumbles to the ground. Something is touching her lips, tender and shaky, but when she cracks her eyes open, she can't see anything other than blurred shapes.

"Stay with me..."

The words are a whispered panic; a begging request. She can't place the voice, barely registers the words before the world goes black.

***

**

*

 

********************************************************************************************


	50. Chapter 50

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First I need to inform you all of something. I'm sorry for the wait again. Three days ago, I had a sudden and unexpected loss in my family, someone I was really close to. The memorial is this weekend,. So, if it takes a while for me to put up the Epilogue, I apologize, but that is why.
> 
> With that said-
> 
> This is the last chapter before the Epilogue.

 

A scorching hot sensation pulls Bucky back from the darkness of his mind. His eyes snap open, feeling an excruciating amount of pain on his left side, so horrible, he briefly wonders if it's actually happening. He grits his teeth, slowly turning his head to stare at his left arm. Except, there is no longer an arm there to look at. Just the broken, shredded stump of what remains. The ends of it are glowing red, radiating through every nerve, down to his bones. He wants to rip it off, wants to claw the rest of his shoulder off but he can't. It's stuck, burning and attached to his body. His stomach churns dangerously. A thought occurs to him.

Ana, where is Ana? 

Once Bucky swallows the bile rising up his throat, he slowly turns from his back to his right side. There's a brilliant light standing next to him, in the shape of Ana. Gold light. Bright. Powerful. Glowing. She’s glowing, every inch of her skin is emitting golden light. It burns brighter in her hands, as that where the beam of light is shooting from. The air surrounding them is hot, sizzling and crackling with sound. Bucky blinks away his blurry vision, inhales slowly through his nose, exhales through his mouth. He tries to regain his senses, other than feeling agony radiating from the nerves of his left shoulder.

Through the bars of the railing from the platform, he sees the place where Erik Woods stood, encased in the same light coming from her. Woods is now on the ground, motionless, looks almost lifeless. With an abrupt realization, Bucky knows what is happening. Ana is draining Erik's life force from his body. And she doesn’t even look like she realizes what she’s doing. Her body is stiff, her muscles rigid, and there’s no end in sight.

The bright golden light is fading away from the bottom of her ankles, slowly crawling up her legs. Bucky has a feeling he knows what that is, and he can’t - that can’t- he can’t lose her. He can’t allow her to finish killing Woods, and he can’t allow her to do it by accidentally killing herself. Bucky reaches out, his arm shaking violently from his own trauma. The closest part of her he can touch is her calf, his fingers gently grazing over her jeans. He can’t hold his arm up anymore, but it seems to be enough to cease all light. Ana sways for a split second, then she crumples to the ground, like a puppet cut from strings.

Terror clenches Bucky’s heart. Ana’s skin is white, her eyes closed. She isn’t moving. Doesn’t even looks like she’s breathing, and there’s two thick streams of blood coming from her nose, running down the side of her cheek. No. _No, no no no_ , this can’t be happening. She can’t be-

With one more ounce of strength, ignoring every single nerve on fire, Bucky lifts his hand. His fingers caress her pale lips, fingers trembling against her cut bottom lip. She cracks her eyes open, just two narrow slits, staring almost lifelessly at him.

"Stay with me.” He pleads, begging her as his voice cracks.

Ana’s eyes fall shut.

No. No!  _This can’t be real_. This can’t be happening. The brightest thing in his dark world, the love of his life, can not be taken away from him. His hand is slowly being covered in her blood as he continues to trace her face. Her skin is cold. He moves his fingers to her neck, dark bruises in the shape of fingers color her pale skin. Bucky doesn't feel a pulse.

He doesn't realize he is screaming until something heavy grips his shoulder.

"Barnes!  _Barnes!_  I have to take her. I'm taking her!"

Then Ana is being lifted into red metallic arms, and it takes off. Bucky follows the jets with his eyes, finally putting it together. Iron Man is flying his Ana up to the jet. It's enough motivation to push himself up, just as someone else lands next to him. He doesn't give any attention to them, just tries to stand on steady feet, ignoring the waves of nausea crashing over him. It's not from physical pain this time.

"Shit, man. Let's get you up there."

The familiar voice makes Bucky finally look at the person. Sam holds his arm out, raising his eyebrows expectantly. Bucky nods once, then grabs onto Sam's forearm tightly. Then they're shooting up into the air, it only taking several seconds to reach the jet. Once inside, Bucky stumbles to where Agent Hill points to. He ignores every warning, every person trying to hold him back as he makes his way to the medical table Ana is on.

There are two medical persons surrounding her, quickly working to help. Bucky barely makes it to Ana's side, his fingers brushing over her cold knuckles, before his world goes black once more.

***

 

It's silent for days. It stretches on and on. The days are long, the nights longer. Tension fills the muted air, heavy, cold. Hovers over the floor, between spaces, attaches to the ceiling. On the final day of absolute silence, it begins to break. The wind weaves between the trees of the forest, and it isn't the only sound that shatters the quiet. The dry leaves on the ground rustle. The second hand in a clock ticks. The nervous tapping spells out a rhythm. The soft thudding of a rubber sole against tile. The quiet beeps of a machine echo hauntingly through a room. The shuffle of movement in the distance. The hissing of fabric. A faint inhale. A low exhale.

Something begins to feel heavy, weighed down. Something begins to itch; sticky, crawling sensations. Something like ice begins to settle. Something like the rush of waves begins to gain clarity. Something begins to feel soft, repeated slow movements. Something begins to flutter against a surface.

Eyes slowly begin to open. Lashes sticking together. Bright light nearly burns the retinas. A reflexive wince happens. A dry lump in the throat is swallowed. Stiff fingers twitch against something like cotton. Dull aches throb from different places. A deep inhale causes bones to protest. Pain erupts from a lower source, muscles spasm trying to accommodate injury. A tongue appears to wet dry lips.

Ana fully opens her eyes. She's staring up at lights that are too bright on the ceiling. Her eyes shift around what she can see of her surroundings. It isn't much, since she doesn't think she can move her body yet. Everything hurts. Everything aches. A deep exhaustion is laced within her bone marrow and Ana thinks she could just close her eyes and sleep forever. She doesn't, because she's confused.

The last thing she can remember, when she racks through her muddled brain, is a being shielded by something. Something that protected her from a direct hit of...what? A direct hit of what? Who stopped whatever it was? Who protected her by putting their own life in harms way? Was it their own life they actually risked, or did Ana make that up in her mind? She can't recall.

She allows her eyes to flutter shut again, attempting to picture what had happened. She sees light. Bright, bluish gold light. She sees a flash of sliver, gleaming as it thrust in front of her. She sees a chaotic whirl of colors. She sees the black of the ground her face was pressed to. She sees someone stagger as they try to right themselves. She sees what the flash of silver was, is gone, seared with glowing embers. She sees agony on a stunned face. She sees Bucky fall to the ground.

Bucky. It was all Bucky.

A sharp inhale of air coincides with her eyes opening again. She forces herself to look to her right, the space is empty. She slowly turns her head to the left. There, with his head pillowed on his right arm, is Bucky. There's a slight furrow to his brow, as if he is deciphering whether he heard her gasp or not. He picks his head up a little, eyelids blinking slowly like he just woke up. It takes a moment, but clarity brightens his blue eyes.

" _Oh my god_." He breathes, relief washing over his face. "Ana."

He has dark bags under his eyes. His skin looks pale, clammy. His lips look raw and bitten, trembling just slightly. His hair is messy, strands sticking out oddly. It's as if he kept pulling at the roots from stress. He looks every bit of beautiful as Ana always thought he did.

"Hi, Sergeant Snowflake." Ana murmurs, her voice raspy, her lips twitching with a smile. 

Bucky chuckles wetly through his nose. "Hi, doll face."

He dips down to press a gentle kiss to her left shoulder. She hadn't noticed her arm is in a sling. When she looks back up from the sling, Bucky has his face pressed into the bed. Ana wants to move her hands, but her left is currently confined and when she picks up her right hand, something tugs at her skin. She doesn't have to look to know it's an IV needle. She ignores it, because Bucky is shaking. She starts with realization; his arm is missing.

"I'm so happy you're awake." He mutters into the bed. His voice sounds raw but thick.

Screw it. Ana moves her hand across her body to gently run her fingers through his hair. When he looks up at her, his eyes are wet and bloodshot, several tears escaping. Ana feels her heartbreaking.

"Bucky."

He shakes his head, taking hold of her hand, minding the IV. "I honestly thought...I couldn't bring myself to believe...you're awake." He presses his trembling lips against her knuckles.

"I'm alright." She promises. "I'm right here."

"I almost lost you." He whispers, his voice cracking on the last word. His fingers shake in her hand.

Ana gently squeezes his hand before she moves hers up to wipe away another tear that's falling down his cheek. "What about you? Your arm-"

"Don't worry about me, Ana." Bucky picks his head up, a small disbelieving smile on his lips. "How are you feeling?"

Ana frowns. "Sore. Exhausted." Her throat is so dry and itchy.

"Are you in a lot of pain? The nurse was just in here, but I can call her again."

The concern etched on his face makes Ana want to lie to him. Or at least half lie. She's in a whole bunch of pain now that she's fully aware. She's still trying to ignore the sharp stinging pain in her knee, doesn't even want to move her leg because she's afraid she might scream. It hurts to breathe, a dull pounding isolated to a spot on her stomach. Her left shoulder aches, and she knows enough that she had been shot; twice.

"It's tolerable." She evades.

Bucky stares at her for a beat, then he leans over to hit the call button. Ana stares that the little black sleeve cap covering the stump of his left shoulder. If she asks about it, she knows he'll lie just as well. However, Ana saw it. She saw the excruciating pain Bucky was in before he passed out.

"What happened, Bucky?" She asks instead. She's still a little fuzzy on the details.

Bucky shifts his chair closer, leans over to kiss her temple softly. "What do you remember?"

"You took a hit for me. You idiot." She tells him fondly.

"I will be an idiot everyday if it meant protecting you."

"And sappy." Her heart swells as she says it.

"Because I love you." He leans over again, this time pressing his lips tenderly against hers. It makes her heart flutter and for a moment she forgets any pain. "So much, Annie."

An onslaught of emotions abruptly crashes over her. Ana doesn't know if it's the drugs or the look in Bucky's incredible blue eyes, but she begins to cry. It starts off with one tear after the other, slipping from the corners of her eyes, sliding down her temples. Bucky frowns, eyebrows knitting together in confusion. He lifts his fingers, keeping his touch soft and delicate as he brushes her bruised skin. He wipes away the tears with his thumb, and the tender, loving touch rips a sob from her throat.

"Annie." He breathes, his tone absolutely heartbreaking.

It breaks her. Ana cries. Every inch of her body hurts. Her stomach and shoulder throb from bullet wounds, one of which she can't even remember. It feels like hot needles are stabbing into her knee, something tight wrapped around it. Her lip and cheek ache, and her neck feels tender. Her throat is parched, either from lack of liquid or the hand crushing against her windpipe twice. She has no idea how long she has been lying in this bed, but she does realize how close she was to losing her own life. To losing Bucky. 

Bucky is making soothing, hushing sounds, pressing his forehead against her temple. She tries to calm her breathing because every heaving sob shakes her body, and pulls at the hole in her stomach. Her mind is jumbled with broken imagines, ones she can't piece together quiet yet, but the last thing she clearly remembers is Bucky. Just inches of his metal arm left, glowing bright orange and red, the smell of burnt metal filling her nose. It was terrifying, watching him drop to the floor and not moving, not getting up.

She may have just scolded him for protecting her, but in reality, he saved her life, and it cost him his arm, and nearly his own life. Bucky has been protecting her from the moment he came into her life. Ana couldn't even protect him from Hydra. They almost dragged him back, all because they were after her.

"Ana, baby. It's okay. You're okay." Bucky tells softly, still wiping at her tears. "You're with me, you're safe."

She shakes her head. "I-I'm so s-sorry."

"Hey, now, pretty, none of that. None of this was your fault. Shhh, it's okay, sweetheart."

The door opens during that moment, a nurse calmly entering the room. Ana tries to regain control over herself, her sobs reaching a level of hyperventilation.

"Breathe, Ana, breathe. I've got you, you're safe." Bucky coaches, his voice incredibly soft.

Following his soothing voice, his instructions, Ana starts to copy his own breathing patterns. She begins to go over the details of his face, like she hasn't already memorized every little inch. From the little freckle on his forehead, to his blue eyes, stormy and streaked with red lines. His lips are a pale red, slightly cracked from being chewed on. His brown hair falls by the corners of his eyes, hiding the spot where the crinkles appear when he smiles. He's not smiling now. His scruff has grown a little thicker, and there's a small cut on the bridge of his nose, light stretches on his cheekbone. She wants to sear his face into her memory forever.

Something begins to trickle into her veins, and she briefly thinks it's Erik Woods inject her once more. In a surge of panic, she looks over at the nurse, just finishing up twisting the IV caps back on. The beeping machine next to her picks up speed in time with her racing heart. The nurse smiles kindly at her, lightly tapping the plastic bag.

"It's just morphine." She informs Ana kindly. Her eyes then shift to Bucky. "I just upped her dose, it should work a little faster this round."

Ana looks back at Bucky, who is already staring at her. 

"You're in a lot of pain, baby?" He questions, probably already knows the answer.

She's too tired to lie, so she nods. She wants to stay awake though, doesn't want to miss another second sleeping. She says this much to Bucky, his thumb never ceasing swiping over her cheek. 

"I'll be right here when you wake up, Ana. I swear." He whispers, leaning forward to kiss her temple.

Her eyes flutter, the drug beginning to take effect. Ana swallows and tries to lift her hand, but it feels heavy. She's so confused still. She doesn't know what happened after Bucky protected her, she doesn't know how she got to this strange hospital. She doesn't know if anyone else is alright, or if someone has captured Woods.

All she knows is that Bucky is next to her, seemingly healthy and uninjured despite his missing arm. He's sitting right next to her, touching her, whispering sweet words of love, smiling and kissing her softly. The last thing Ana sees before her heavy lids close, is Bucky's blue eyes, shinning with relief.

***

 

The next time Ana wakes up, she hears Bucky's low drawl, still rough and crackling like he hasn't touched water in days. He's talking to someone, so Ana opens her eyes, turning her head towards his voice. Her heart swells and she feel tears in her eyes again and she's just so frustrated because she's been in a hospital before, healing from life threatening cuts. She's been in pain before, but for some reason, this time is different.

"Pep." Ana murmurs.

Pepper whirls around, immediately pulling up a chair to sit next to the bed. "Buggy."

God, Pepper sounds like she hasn't stopped crying. Her eyes look swollen, just like Bucky's were, and her usual neat hair, is frizzy, out of place from her low ponytail. She gently grabs her right hand, squeezing her fingers.

"I'll give you two sometime." Bucky says, grabbing his jacket and swinging it over his shoulder to cover his left side.

"No, stay." Ana pleads, attempting to sit up. At least, she thinks she tries. Pepper places her hand on her uninjured shoulder.

"Hey, hey, sweetheart," Bucky gently reprimands. He come over just to place a kiss on her forehead. "I'll be right back, promise. Don't move too much, you'll tear your stitches. I'm just going to find coffee that doesn't taste like shit."

His comment makes her chuckle, but the movement of her stomach hurts. A pain shooting through her body, so Ana just opts to smile. She nods as he trails his fingers down her jaw. He kisses her once more, then leaves the room, softly closing the door behind him.

"You know," Pepper starts, her voice soft and fond. "That man is completely gone for you."

"It's mutual." Ana says, wincing as she shifts. Something feels cool on the back of her hand and when she looks, a shiny ring gleams back at her. "Pepper...is that a ring?"

She smiles shyly, then shakes her head. "I'll tell you about that later. How are you feeling, Buggy? I mean, I know you aren't feeling good at all, and what happened sucks. I was worried sick, I-"

Her cousin cuts herself off, but Ana wouldn't mind her rambling more. She just wants to hear her comforting voice. The voice of one of the few family members she has left, and one of the only members she's close to. Pepper is crying, and Ana quickly figures there's going to be a lot of tears shed, if they haven't been already.

"I'm sorry." She apologizes to Pepper. "I don't know how this happened. I didn't mean to-"

"Oh, honey, don't blame yourself." Pepper begins rubbing soothing strokes up and down her arm. 

"Tell me please, Pep. When did he ask you?"

Her smile widens. "A week and a half ago."

"A week and-" Ana shakes her head, ridding the rest of the fogginess from the drugs away. She must've heard wrong. "What?"

Pepper's eyes shift to the screen displaying her vitals, then back to Ana. "You've been here for ten days, Ana."

Ana breathes in slowly through her nose, trying to process that information. Ten days. She's been lying unconscious in a hospital for ten days. "What happened?"

"I tried calling you the moment after Tony asked. You didn't answer. I called three times, and that's when Tony got a call from FRIDAY, that you were taken."

Before Pepper can continue, there's a soft knock on the door before it opens. Tony's face pops through the small opening, checking before he comes in. He's wearing a Black Sabbath shirt that is wrinkled in certain spots, and worn jeans, also wrinkled. Apparently, no one looks like they've slept well, if at all, going by their appearances.

"If you could refrain from that ever happening again, I'd appreciate that." Tony quips, pulling another chair around to sit in.

"I'll try to schedule my next kidnapping around your convenience." She banters back, smiling and ignore the ache in her lip. "Want to fill in the rest for me?"

Tony gently pats her forearm, then he gives her a rundown of what happened. He tells her after she activated FRIDAY, the A.I. sent a signal to the bracelet that embedded the mini tracker into her wrist. FRIDAY then sent a distress call out to Tony and the rest of the team. Steve had arrived first, finding Max Cullbury and Jared Sharp. Apparently, Agent Sharp figured out something was wrong when Max wasn't in the Lab. Both men were the first to get there trying to stop it. All according to Agent Cullbury, Agent Sharp was shot, and remains in critical condition.

Ana doesn't know how to feel about that last part, conflicted is one word that comes to mind. Her brother's ex boyfriend, who has hated her and blamed her for years, actually tried coming to -not only hers but Bucky's- rescue and was shot in the process. She has to sit up at this point, so Pepper carefully presses the button that raises the top half of the bed. With the help of Tony, Ana slowly and carefully adjusts herself, minding the gunshot wound in her stomach, and keeping her right leg as steady as she can.

Tony continues to recap the events several days ago. Nick Fury had called for every single person working within the facility to be interrogated and screened once again. They apprehended anyone who seem even remotely suspicious, which ended up being eleven other people. Security protocol has changed as well, and Tony lets a tiny bit of his own guilt slip in there.

"Tony." Ana stops him before he can continue. Her own guilt and Bucky's is enough to fill the Atlantic ocean, she doesn't need anyone else feeling the same way. "Your defense bracelet is what saved us in the end. If it weren't for that, for the tracker, we might still be there."

Tony clears his throat as Pepper lays a comforting hand on his arm. "Right. Good on it then."

He doesn't fool Ana. She sees the bags under his eyes, sees the thing he does with his mouth when he has been incredibly worried about someone. He doesn't make eye contact with her for the next 30 seconds, and he focuses on picking a thread from the blanket laid over her.

"Sorry about your knee, by the way. I should've-"

"Seriously, Stark. Stop it. That would have happened no matter what."

Finally, Tony looks at her again. "Erik Woods is in critical condition."

Ana swallows thickly, her knee throbbing, suddenly aware of every single bullet hole, and cut on her body. She nods, gritting her teeth.

"He's in a high security facility being watch around the clock with armed guards. He is no longer anything to worry about." Then, Tony smirks. "Rogers and Wilson had to stop Barnes from tracking him down and ripping out his throat. Or, I'm sorry, that's my phrase. I believe his was  _'rip every single bone from his body for hurting my girl_.' I almost allowed him to do it."

Ana's heart skips a beat at ' _my girl_ '', and she has to bite her lip to keep from smiling so widely. Until she winces at the still healing cut on her lip. Both Pepper and Tony roll their eyes are her reaction, but deep down, she can't figure out if she's glad Bucky was stopped, or if she's disappointed. It raises her next question.

"Why is Woods in critical condition?" She inquires, gripping the blanket in her hand. 

Tony takes a few moments to answer, placing his hand over Pepper's. "The same reason you were." He answers quietly. "After Barnes went down, you drained Woods' energy. He shot you in retaliation, but it didn't stop you, Ana. You kept going, until Bucky somehow stopped you. It drained your own in return. I thought-" 

He shakes his head, clearing his throat and shifting in his seat. "I took you to the jet, thinking you were gone. You weren't breathing by the time I got up there. It was only for a few moments. Luckily the team of medics we brought with us were able to get you breathing again."

"You were in the ICU for nine days, Ana. In a coma for three of those." Pepper whispers, a single tear falling from her left eye. 

Ana just blinks at them. "Fuck."

They both nod. Tony reaches out and hooks his index finger over Ana's pinkie. "Thought you were gone there for a moment, kid."

She doesn't even react to his nickname. She can barely react at all. It's so much to take in. She nearly killed Erik Woods and in return...almost killed herself? Jared and Max came to their rescue and couldn't stop it and now Jared in the one fighting for his life. Bucky's arm was blasted right off because he protected Ana. He jumped in front of her, risking his own damn life for hers. Ana nearly died protecting Bucky.  _She nearly died_. Pepper pulls her out of her thoughts.

"Bucky was going insane," She tells her, voice gentle. "I lied to the staff, said that he's your fiancé and gave him my family pass. He hasn't left your side until now."

Ana is speechless, with everything. She's suddenly so, so tired, her eyelids getting heavy. She will swear it's the drugs and her own exhaustion, and not the fact that all information may has led her to passing out. She doesn't fight it off, just lets it come and take over her body, being pulled into unconsciousness yet again.

***

 

When Ana wakes up the third time, she's surrounded by people, but her eyes frantically seek out Bucky. He's there, standing back and in the far corner of the room. A light chatter is filling the room, voices quiet until she shifts, alerting everyone that she's awake. She lifts her hand, accidentally ripping someone else's grip from hers, and reaches towards Bucky.

He smiles softly, because he has probably been watching her the entire time, and pushes himself off the wall. The person holding her hand before, Wanda, she finally acknowledges, scoots back to make room for Bucky to sit on the bed. When he does, Ana places her hand on his jaw and Bucky turns his head to kiss her palm. It makes her heart flutter. 

"You look exhausted." She tells him quietly, stroking her thumb over his scruffy cheek.

"I'm fine, baby." He reassures her, pushing her hair behind her ear. "Do you need anything? Water? The nurse? Are you hungry? You must be hungry. I smuggled in a jar of Nutella. I would've brought pizza but I'm not sure-"

"Bucky, baby." Ana smiles at him, tugging his face closer. "I love you." She presses a chaste kiss to his lips.

"I love you." He breathes against her mouth.

When they break apart, she finds Bucky's right hand, interlocking their fingers together, then looks around the room. Steve is sitting next to her bed, smiling down at his hands. Natasha is standing behind him, arms crossed and a slight look of concern on her face. Clint is next to her, resting his arm on her shoulder. He smiles and nods, then goes back to chatting with Sam, who looks even more concerned before giving his attention back to Clint.

Wanda looks like she hasn't slept for days, and she might even give Bucky a run for his record. She's holding a paper cup of something that doesn't smell like coffee, and she lifts it with a shaky hand. Ana is abruptly overwhelmed with everyone surrounding her, and she is grateful for the friends she has. Extremely grateful for the man holding her hand, lifting her knuckles to his lips.

***

 

They keep Ana in the hospital for another two days, just double checking her wounds and vitals. The doctor just wants to make sure she feels comfortable enough to go home, and gives her instructions on what to do if she feels off in any way. Her stitches are clean, no sign of infection, and her arm only had to stay in the sling for another three days. He does tell her that she can't lift, or workout or do anything strenuous for eight weeks.

They also discuss the option of another knee surgery. Since the doctors had to perform one to remove the Stark rods, and that alone will leave Ana in a wheelchair until her shoulder is healed enough to use crutches. She has to bite the inside of her cheek to keep from screaming in anger. She's just so fucking mad this happened, and on several occasions, wishes death upon Woods.

When Ana finally goes home, she snuggles up to Bucky the best she can, in the less painful way she can. She sleeps, and sleeps, and sleeps, and Bucky has to wake her up a few times. The first time is so she can take her medications. The second is so she can eat, even if she isn't that hungry. The third is to make sure she's okay.

"Bucky, babe, please let me sleep, for the love of everything Holy." She mumbles, pressing her face into his neck.

"Just making sure you're real, Annie." He whispers, voice crackling again.

Ana opens her eyes. She understands it, she does. Because sometimes she'll wake up on her own, has to make sure Bucky is breathing, and alive and next to her. She often thinks about how both of their worst nightmares had come true, or nearly came true. To make sure they're both real and in front of each other, they press their palms over each other’s hearts.

Bucky will tap his thumb twice against her collarbone, then he'll press his face into the joint of her jaw. He'll inhale, says she smells a little like the hospital still and can't wait for her to smell like flowers in the rain again. He'll drag his nose behind her ear and tells her-

"Can't wait for you to smell like me, too."

Then he'll press the lightest kiss against her pulse racing in her neck. He'll trail his hand down her body, dipping over her curves, tracing his fingers over the scars on her back, then her wrist. Finally, he says-

"Doll face."

Ana will grab a strand of his long hair and tug, harshly so she can see his fake expression of pain. It's one her ways of knowing he's just as real. She'll trace his strong jawline, feeling the texture of his soft facial hair beneath her fingertips. She traces over his full red lips, down his neck, also kissing his pulse point, and places her hand over the stump of metal. Then she'll kiss the middle of his chest, feeling his heart pickup.

"Winter Flurry."

He rarely leaves her side, and Ana has no problem with that. Even when the others filter in and out of her room, Bucky stays by her side, unless he goes to get them food or drinks or the bathroom. Ana finds out just how worried and scared everyone was when she begins to feel their energies again. It isn't bad, just something she can feel like the light wind of a fan over her skin. It's when they leave at the end of the night, that Bucky confesses something to her.

"You know," He begins, the pads of his fingers gently scratching her scalp. "I honestly thought I lost you, that he took you from me. I was so fucking terrified, Ana. I didn't know what to do with myself."

"I thought I lost you too." She whispers, gripping his shirt. "When he shot your arm off, I was so fucking scared. Bucky, I thought...I thought he hit your chest, because you just..." She doesn't finish.

They remain silent, just holding onto each other, hurt, broken and bruised, but alive and together.

***

 

The soft moments only last a week. Something has been sitting in Bucky's mind, she can tell. After six days Ana feels like she can use her arm again, so she pretends to kick the wheelchair away as she sits on the bed of the medical ward. Janice is checking her vitals, after she cried in relief. Tony is there, currently fitting an advance technology knee brace to her leg.

"You're sure you don't want another surgery?" He questions, making last second adjustments.

"I'm sure. Knee surgery in intensive, and I've had enough fill of pain for one month, thank you." Ana lifts her eyes from Tony's working hands. She sees Bucky with his jacket on, talking with Sharon and Steve, both of whom are holding hands. "Is there anything you can do for his arm?"

"I offered." Tony answers her, leaning back. "He doesn't want anything done yet."

She gets it, she understands. Bucky doesn't want anything to do with a robotic arm. He doesn't even have to say it, but Ana understands.

Bucky voices his thoughts after that.

***

 

"Bucky. No. Please, don't do this." Physical pain isn't enough. Bucky has to go and voice his idea of what he wants to do. It's breaking Ana's heart.

"I'm so sorry, baby." Bucky says sadly, "but I can't risk Hydra finding out again. I can't allow something like that to ever happen to you again, and if they get wind of what Erik Woods was trying to do...they'll use us against each other and I can’t. I can't risk that, Ana."

She shakes her head. "But you came out of it." She tells him weakly, tears spilling from her eyes. She's crying because deep down, she knows he's right.

Bucky wipes her tears away, but his own betray him. "I'm guessing they have another chair. If there's even the slight possibility it can be used, and I'm still triggered, they will send me after you. When Woods tried, it was barely on before you stopped it, but I was still confused. You called out to me, Annie, and it helped, everything that you have done helped me find you. It didn't stop me from attacking, from trying to follow those commands."

"But you protected me, you broke out of it and you shot him. Not me."

"It's too risky."

Ana scoots away from him to the furthest corner of her bed, accidently disturbing Ezra. He just blinks in annoyance, then moves closer to Bucky, because he would take his side on this.

"Are you angry?" Bucky asks her, his voice sounds controlled.

"Yes. No." She sighs, falling backwards. Which tends to be a mistake and jars her gun wounds. "Ow."

Bucky leans over her face, his expression torn.

"I want to be mad, I really would love to just yell and get angry-"

"The doctor told you no strenuous activities, that includes throwing things at me. As much as I love it."

Ana tugs his hair. "You know that meant no sex as well, right?"

"Would you really have sex with me right now, as angry as you are, even though you're trying you hardest to hide it?"

She narrows her eyes at him because he knows he so well. "Where are you thinking of going?"

He smiles sadly. "You know I won't be able to tell you, darling."

***

 

They continue to bicker about it for another day, until Steve backs up his best friend. He makes Ana see and understand the logic behind it. Tells her it's all for Ana's safety and Bucky's mental stability because he nearly tore Erik Woods apart. She very nearly voices that she wouldn't have minded that. She ends up finally agreeing with Bucky's plan. It doesn't mean she's happy about it.

"Steve." Ana says lightly. "You see that bowl of plums over there?"

"Goddamnit." Bucky mutters.

"Yes." Steve smirks, already getting up from the couch and heading towards the kitchen.

"Please throw at least five of them at him, would you. It's an important part of my healing process."

To his credit, Bucky doesn't even block the fruit as it pelts him all in the chest. He just sighs exasperatingly, grabs one of the plums and bites into it. Then he offers the fruit to Ana.

***

 

“You’re absolutely sure about this?” 

“I told you, I just don't think I can trust my own mind yet. It almost worked. I could’ve hurt her. I could’ve killed her.”

Ana scoffs, rolling her eyes. She probably isn’t meant to hear them as she leans against Sam's car, but she does, and she’s fed up, angry, and upset. She tried to keep her anger over the plan at bay, but she can't because it's real and it's happening right now. She is so very, very upset, because she's still in a little pain, and her knee throbs in the brace, and her heart is going to shatter. She pushes herself off the car and limps right over to Steve and Bucky.

“But you didn’t!” She reminds Bucky fiercely. “In fact, Woods almost killed me himself.”

“That doesn’t make it better.” Bucky counters, reaching to grab her hand. "What if I shot you instead?"

Ana pulls it back quickly. “This is fucking bullshit."

“I’ll give you two sometime.” Steve says, then quickly leaves, walking towards the small car.

“Annie-“

“No. No. Don’t. I-“

Bucky cups her jaw, brings her forward and kisses her. He keeps his lips firm, moving against hers and Ana feels her anger melt away, along with her spine. She kisses him back, tangling her fingers through his hair, and resting her other hand on the metal base of the stump. She pulls back to press her forehead against his. 

“I’m so, so sorry I failed you.” She murmurs, tears burning her eyes. That's the real reason she's upset. “I failed you.”

“Hey,” Bucky leans back, trying to make eye contact, she doesn’t look. “Hey, Ana, you didn’t- look at me, darling. You did not fail me. Not at all."

She shakes her head, a single tear betraying her and falling down her cheek. “It didn’t work. Deprogramming, it didn't-”

“Yes, yes it did. Everything you have done, worked. I was only able to save you because you helped me take control of my mind.”

“Not completely, isn't that the problem here? That’s where-“

“You  _did not_  fail me. Please, please don’t blame yourself for this. I'm doing this for security. I have to take every precaution."

Ana pulls him back down by his neck, kissing him twice. “How long?” She asks against his mouth.

“I’m not sure. Until I can find a way to fix everything inside my head. I can’t take any more chances with hurting you, and any enemy of ours will know we’re each other’s weaknesses and strength. I can’t risk someone else using that against you. I won't allow what he did to happen again."

He kisses her forehead. “Promise me something, Ana. Don’t wait for me.”

“I will not.” Ana says hardening her tone. “I _will_ wait for you and there’s nothing you can do about it. There’s no one else I want. Idiot.”

He chuckles. “I had to try.”

She scoffs, tugging his hair. Ana rests her head on his chest, fighting back the stinging tears. Bucky hugs her tightly with his arm, and even though he only has one at the moment, it’s the strongest hug she’s ever had. There’s a short honk to their side, signaling they have to get going soon. Bucky lifts his arm, but Ana doesn’t see what he does. She pulls back when Bucky looks at her. She brushes his hair back, tracing her fingers along his jaw. She taps her index finger on his lips. 

“Come back to me.” She tells him quietly.

His eyes soften, crinkling at the corners with a private smile. “Don’t blame yourself.”

“I’ll make you a deal.” Ana starts.

“Over the Nutella?”

She smiles despite herself. “You come back to me, and I promise I won’t blame myself.”

“That sounds like a good deal.”

Bucky leans down to kiss her again, deep and slow, keeping his hand firmly against her jaw. Ana allows him to kiss her like that, as if it’s just the two of them, even though Steve and Sam are probably watching them. Her heart is beating painfully in her chest and when she places her hand against Bucky’s chest, his heart beat matches. 

“I love you.” He murmurs against her lips, brushing their noses together. “Very much. Don’t forget that.”

“You don’t forget how much I love you either.” Ana smiles. “And I do. Love you.”

“I have to go now.” Bucky tells her, frowning with wet eyes. A tear escapes his left eye.

Ana wipes it away. “I know.”

She meets him halfway for their last kiss, this one filled with love, a little bit of pain, but with a sense of hope. His tongue slides against hers and Ana is going to miss the way his tongue curls in her mouth and makes her knees weak. They kiss like that for several moments before it slows down, turning into short, but sweet pecks. Bucky kisses her once, twice and on the third kiss, he pulls away, nearly taking Ana with him.

She watches as Bucky walks toward the waiting car and opens the door. He looks back at her and smirks. Though it’s not up to par of his usual one. He leans into the car then back out, suddenly tossing something to her. It flips through the air, Ana catches it with both hands. It’s a small jar of Nutella, making Ana laugh, ending with her lips trembling. 

Bucky waves his hand, giving her one last smile, then gets into the car. The door closes, and just like that, Steve is pulling away, driving Bucky right out of her life. Ana follows, taking one two three four five straps and breaking into a slight jog, ignoring the pain in her knee, stopping once the car is far enough away. She tries to swallow the sob caught in her throat, pulling herself together as she walks back towards Sam in the other car.

He doesn’t say anything once she gets seated and buckled. She stares down at the small jar of hazelnut chocolate spread, tears filling her eyes. It’s going to be a long, painful road of waiting, and Ana doesn’t know how she was living before Bucky came into her life. A few tears fall, landing on her hands.

“I’m turning the music up on this road trip, I hope you don’t mind.” Sam informs her, and the music gets louder by the second.

Ana smiles because she knows exactly what he’s doing. She nods and looks out the window as he starts driving, a sob finally escaping her lips. She cries hard for a few minutes, just watching the scenery go by. She wipes her tears away. Then, she decides to change the music.

“We’re listening to something else.” She tells Sam, then switches out the CD from Earth, Wind, and Fire to The Beatles.

“Did you just-“ Sam starts, glancing over at her.

“Pay attention, Wilson. You’re driving.” Ana only knows he allows her to change the music because her focus is on him now, instead of the broken heart in her chest.

She knows this is what Bucky wanted, she knows all the logic behind it. She knows the events plagued Bucky's mind and even though she slept next to him every night, he couldn't seem to do the same. She knows Bucky wants to heal completely and fully, and he refuses to take anymore of Ana's own energy. Ana understands, and she will wait from him to come back to her.

***

 

"Stevie. Please. I need this." Bucky is now begging. It took nearly two hours but he finally broke.

"Fine." Steve finally gives in, gripping the steering wheel so hard it dents a little. "But only because of what he did to the both of you. I was fucking terrified Buck, I hope you know that."

"I know, pal. I know." Bucky says solemnly. "Then you understand."

"I do."

Steve pulls up to a heavily secured building. They both get out, getting checked and scanned, and handed IDs. It's really only because of Steve that they're even allowed to enter the building. Two guards lead the way, down hallways, into elevators, and finally to the floor and room they want. Steve nods at the guards and they leave, then he sets his hard gaze on Bucky.

"You got two minutes before they come back and I come get you." He tells him.

Bucky nods curtly, then he presses the key card he was given earlier to the lock pad on the door. He pushes it open, quickly closing it behind him. The sight of Erik Woods lying on a bed and hooked up to wires and a machine will never be satisfying enough. He walks over to the bed, the sound of soft beeping and echoes of the oxygen machine fill the small room. Bucky leans over, anger boiling in his blood, staring at the man that nearly killed Ana. Recognition flickers in his green eyes.

"You took her." Bucky snarls lowly, unadulterated hate coloring his tone. "You touched her. You made her bleed. You almost took my girl from me. For that, I'm going to make you suffer."

His eyes flick towards the machines, and he sees a little switch for the oxygen pump. Revenge is nearly there, sitting sweet on his tongue. He reaches over, hooking his finger under the little lever. He looks back down at Erik Woods, sees fear gleam in his eyes.

"This is me. Sergeant James Buchanan Barnes, The Winter Soldier, turning off your oxygen."

He flicks the switch down. The machine begins to beep, gets louder and faster. Erik's chest stops rising and falling. Then Bucky waits another two seconds before speaking.

"Are you in pain? Does it hurt horribly?  _Good_." He hisses. "I want you to feel every inch of it. I want you to suffer. I want you to struggle, to feel the air leaving your lungs, feel it burning as your face turns red. That's what you did to her. That's what you put her through."

It would be so easy for Bucky to just walk away and let him be. To let Woods leave this world in agony and lack of air. He grits his teeth, swallowing every vengeful thought.

"This is Ana." Bucky continues quietly. "Turning it back on." He switches the oxygen back on. He leans over again, making sure he can see him. Erik's eyes are responsive. "Killing you is too easy. What's worse, is having you watch all your hard work come undone. You failed, Woods. That's worse than your death. Ana is alive. I'm alive. You failed, and you get to live knowing that fact for the next few weeks of your life. Because you will die in your failure."

Then, Bucky leaves. He walks right out and away from the room. The man lying in pain, lying broken in the bed, no longer matters. What does matter, is finding a way to fix everything inside him, to rid the brainwashing wired in him. As much as it shatters his heart to do so, as much as it hurts him, he's doing it all for Ana. He will find some way to fix this.

He will come back to his girl.

*****************************

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you, everyone, for reading this story, and supporting me by liking and commenting. You will never understand how much I truly appreciate it. I hope everyone who read it liked it, or loved it, or love/hate realtionshiped it. I hope you didn't hate this chapter (I'M SORRY) but things have a funny way of turning out in the end.......
> 
> That last part was inspired by a Monk episode.
> 
> I have two other stories planned (not DS) that I hope to begin writing soon and post as well, so if anyone is interested, they will be on here.
> 
> Thank you again for reading Delicate Stages. 
> 
> All my love,  
> -A


	51. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we are. This is the end of Delicate Stages.
> 
> First, thank you to everyone who read, kudoed and commented on this monster of a story! I seriously can not thank you all enough. Thank you for being patient with me as I dealt with (and still dealing with) my loss, so I also really appreciate that. <3  
> Thank you to my friend who allowed me to text her all sorts of silly little things and for helping me get my head straight when I needed it. I can't tell you the amount of sleepless nights and down time at work I had to write this story. This has become my baby, and I'm really proud of it and I'm baffled by the attention and praise it's received.
> 
> Warnings for this chapter include: minor character death
> 
> With all that said, please enjoy, the final chapter/epilogue of Delicate Stages.

**10 months later**

 

The past ten months have been a fucked-up roller coaster ride.

It starts only three days after Bucky drove out of her life. Max finds Ana, pulling her outside on the patio and carefully wrapping his arms around her in one of the longest hugs she’s ever received. He makes her sit then, sadly tells her the bad news.

Jared Sharp has passed away.

Although Ana has already heard a summary the events, Max tells her his side of the story. How Jared was the one to realize what was happening, how he ran along with Max to help them out, and when they got there, Jared tried stopping it. He was shot, and Max tried everything he could to keep Jared from bleeding out.

She’s heard this up until that point. Max continues, tells her that Jared asked if he saved her, and for some reason, Max lied. It made Jared smile, said that Alex would be happy, and that was the last thing he said before he passed out. Apparently, his body couldn’t handle the stress from the bullet wounds and gave out.

Ana had been staring out into the distance while Max talked. Her eyes sting, so she blinks once, twice. Something wet falls onto her cheek and she realizes then that she’s crying. She and Jared didn’t get along while working, and he may have hated and blamed her for the wrong reasons, but he was trying to make up for it. They were beginning to get to know one another. Her brother loved him for plenty of reasons, and Ana is sad that they could have been friends for more than a few weeks.

In the end, Jared wanted to protect Alex’s sister. He wanted to prevent anything further, he wanted to save her and Bucky, and it earned him a bullet to his chest. Ana leans forward, allowing Max to gather her in his arms as she cries against his chest. She mourns the loss of Jared Sharp.

The long days turn into long nights- some sleepless, some filled with nightmares of the aftermath- busy days, tear filled showers, bottles of wine, and working nonstop. Especially after finding the little notebooks Bucky left behind just for her. Honestly, Ana thinks it would just have been better if he'd taken those with him, instead of leaving them in a neat pile on her dresser for her to find. Then again, as she goes through them, page after page filled with nothing but his thoughts about her, she thinks, maybe not.

The first time she had gotten the nerve to go through one, she cried. Well, she laughed, then cried, maybe it was a mixture of both. She swears James Buchanan Barnes could be a famous poet if he wanted to. It's these words, his words, his thoughts and feelings, that Ana rereads over and over and keeps close to her heart, and under her pillow. She isn't pathetic, she just misses him every single day, and Bucky's words just reassure her that no matter how much time passes, no matter how far the distance is, no matter where he is, that he still loves her. That he will come back to her like he promised. It's her little bit of home she holds onto.

Home isn't a place, it's a person, it's a feeling, and he took that with him.

It's been a week since Ana has cracked open one of the little books, the binding worn at this point. It's not her fault, she's been keeping busy, more than usual. She's been working in the Medical Ward, offering her reports and help to any agent and Avenger coming back from missions. Ana has absolutely refused to join any new mission, to the point of where Tony no longer asks her. She'd rather just sit back, wait anxiously while cuddling Ezra, and do her Empathetic Healing. She tries not to use her Energy Alchemy anymore, at least, not until it stops making her weak.

Sometimes, when she's waiting, or it's just her in the compound, she goes into Bucky's former room. She's already took all his pillows, now piled up on her bed, and a left over shirt or two, but she sits on his mattress, staring at a navy blue hat he left behind. Sometimes, she falls asleep, curled up in the middle of the bed that still smells like him, and sometimes she wakes up to Steve pulling the covers over her. When that happens, he doesn't coax her to get up or move into her room, instead, he sits beside her, pats his lap for her to rest her head on, until she drifts off again. Misery loves company, they say.

The last seven days however, have been crazy. She has been dealing with filing reports, even proof reading others, and the team just came back from a four day mission, uncovering yet another HYDRA base. The mission went smoothly, but Steve still came back rather pissed off, and it took Ana quite some time to calm him. To be honest, she didn't try that hard, because when Steve gets angry about the situation, it allows Ana to let her own feelings out because, yes. She is still upset and angry, and fuck, she just misses Bucky.

As does Steve, who takes it out on the punching bag next to her favorite one. When she catches him during these times, she challenges him to knock all the bags off the chains, and they make a game out of it. Ana tries, punching with all her might, until she just uses her energy and blasts the bag right off. It always ends with them falling to the mat laughing. It’s cathartic for them both.

Currently, three hundred and twenty-three days later, Ana is banging her head against the island marble top. She hasn't even emailed Telly in a long time, both apparently busy with their own lives and projects, but Ana is stuck on a mental health device Tony has been trying to come up with and inquired her help. The concept being able to replicate what Ana can do, by healing the mind from emotional and psychological trauma. Maybe she if smacks her head hard enough it'll knock her smarts back into her brain.

“You’re going to give yourself a concussion, and I will not be explaining that to Pepper.”

“Why? Because your fiancé will have your ass if I’m hurt?”

There’s a hand now between her forehead and the counter top, cushioning her blows. Ana narrows her eyes at Tony as he picks her head up. 

“Why don’t you take a vacation?” He offers, his dark eyes flashing in concern.

“I agree!” Steve shouts from the couch as he sits up straighter, looking overly eager.

“Me too!” Wanda pipes in, pulling her attention away from the card game she’s teaching Vision.

“I can’t. I’m too busy.” Ana glares at both of them.

Sam, who has been eating his lunch on the patio speaks up. “Not too busy to clean my wings! Four times. They didn’t even need a cleaning.”

Ana rolls her eyes.

“It was entertaining to watch you do that though.” Comes Natasha’s voice from behind her.

Ana spins in her chair not at all hearing her walk in. She snatches the untouched spoon and jar of Nutella that has been sitting next Ana for a while. She hasn’t cracked it open, mainly because it was making her sad. She still has the one Bucky gave her on her bookshelf. No one touches it.

“It wasn’t a suggestion.” Tony tells her, ignoring everyone else. “I’m telling you. Start packing and pick a place, anywhere you want to go, and I’ll have a plane bring you there.”

She groans.

“Why don’t you visit your friend? That pen pal of yours.” Steve suggests, giving Tony a pointed look over her shoulder.

“Pen pal.” Ana mutters while Natasha leans against the counter, raising her eyebrows at Steve.

Tony nods his head. “Besides, Pepper  _will_ have my ass for real if she finds out how stressed you’ve been.”

It’s true. Jumping from one agent to the next, then the issue with helping Peter Parker’s Aunt May come to terms with finding the truth about his identity as Spider-Man. Which was something very new to everyone, minus Tony. Not to mention the lack of sleep and still ignoring the Bucky shaped hole in her heart.

“Fine.” Ana sighs exaggeratedly. “I’ll go see Telly.”

“Thank god. All this negative energy was making me antsy.” Wanda teases, wiggling her fingers.

“Negative!?” She pauses, then shrugs. “Hush and help me pack.”

***

Wakanda is the most beautiful, stunning place Ana has ever seen in her life. The scenery just blooms in front of her eyes, the sky seems more vibrated in color, as do the plants, the landscape. It's the incredibly advanced technology that has her mind reeling. It takes her breath away. She can't help thinking, as she slowly and disbelievingly takes in all the new sights, that Bucky would love a place like this. She ignores the pang of longing in her heart.

Ana arrives to her destination, the doors of the jet she came in open, and she goes to grabs her bags when she's stopped by one of the beautiful women who offered to pick her up in the first place. She politely holds her hand out, her dark skin almost glowing in the sunlight. Ana insists she can carry her own bags, that it isn't a problem, until the woman levels her with a flat look.

Once she exits the jet, she's led down a beautiful hallway, that blooms open into a wide, expansive laboratory. Her mouth drops open. The ceilings are high, one entire wall displaying floor to ceiling windows overlooking the countryside. There's so many technological advanced machines and devices, that Ana is afraid to walk too close to them, lest she break something. Everything in this lab makes the one back home look like child's play. They come to a halt in the middle of the lab, in front of someone with their back turned to them.

"Princess Shuri." The woman introduces the person standing there, holding her hand out. "AnaRosa Rios."

Ana balks at that, because  _Princess_!? Telly sent the Princess of Wakanda to greet her? "Um-" She says dumbly, blinking in surprise.

A young woman, a teenager, dressed in all white with her multiple braided hair wrapped up into a bun, turns. She smiles brightly, waving excitedly. Then it clicks. Telly is Princess Shuri of Wakanda, which means she is the sister of T'Challa, the Black Panther. The King of Wakanda.  _Holy shit_.

Shuri walks up to her, and Ana automatically opens her arms to greet her with a hug. It isn't awkward or weird, because they've talked for so long, have shared so much, that it feels like a seeing an old friend who's moved away. Once they pull back, they both break out into giddy talking and laughing, mainly because Ana had no idea who Telly really was, but Telly- Shuri, knew who she was for a while. That is, until Shuri reminded her that she did in fact introduce herself way back in their first message to each other. Ana is just dumb and was overly impressed by her intelligence that she just opted to call her Telly.

Shuri pulls back completely and squats down until she's level with Ana's knee. “How’s your knee holding up in this rusted thing?" She inquires, with a beautiful accent. "Brother told me it was damaged again. Stark technology failed?”

Ana smiles sheepishly. “In his defense, I don’t think he was prepared for a pronged electrical disk to be shoved into my knee? It somehow countered the rods between the bones and disabled them. That's a lie. It literally yanked them from my bones." She winces like she can still feel the pain from the moment it happened. It still throbs occasionally, even with the temporary knee brace she is currently wearing.

Shuri pursues her lips. “Hmmm. Painful, yes?” She gently taps the brace with her fingers.

“Extremely.”

“Why did you wait so long to see me?" She stands up, crossing her arms. "I offered to help when you told me about your knee the first time."

Ana waves her hand around. “Was really busy and I was handling the pain the best way I could. I’m here now though.”

Shuri looks like she wants to say something else, but hooks her arm with Ana's own. “Come. I’ve got a surprise for you.”

She steers Ana towards the back of the lab, past the little workshops with objects she can’t quite see. She tries taking in the amazing sights of the lab, but she's being pulled too quickly. They walk towards the Health and Healing area in the back, coming to a stop by the Wakandan version of an MRI machine. Ana’s eyes widen, and she drops her arm.

“Oh my god.” She breathes.

Shuri smiles at her. “I thought you’d like it.”

Ana beams. “Shuri, you literally built a knee. That’s incredible!”

The artificial knee looks more advanced than anything she has ever seen. It’s a navy blue, almost black in color, clearly made from a material not yet accessible to other countries. There’s a thin piece of what looks like golden cartilage cushioning the bones, along with golden tendons.

Ana steps up to the table, examining the artificial knee. “It works like a real one, right? No limited range of motion?”

“Correct. It’s better than a real one. It’s vibranium. It's kinetic, so it’ll absorb any shock impact and converts it into energy.” Shuri explains, an excited tone to her voice. "Goes perfectly with what you can do. The surgery for it isn’t as invasion as a regular, less advanced knee replacement. Your recovery would be weeks, rather than months.”

Ana smiles at her over her shoulder. “Does that mean I have my leg power back?”

Shuri laughs. “Yes! You can land a powerful strike, but it also converts into a positive source of energy throughout your body. I gathered all the information you told me and decided to build it that way to give you more endurance.”

“You're amazing, Shuri.” Ana tells her, staring back at the knee to take in the details.

“There’s one more thing.”

Ana turns to face her, excited to learn more. Then her heart stops in her chest, air ceasing in her lungs. She can barely feel her expression melt into shock and thinks briefly that she is going  _into_  shock. Time seems to stand still, and a warmth begins to spread throughout her bones. The breath she had been holding in without her knowledge leaves her mouth in a quiet huff. It takes her seventeen seconds to breathe again.

Bucky.

Bucky is standing there. Bucky is standing right there. Bucky is standing several feet behind Shuri, who is probably smiling so wide, but Ana doesn’t see her. She doesn’t see anyone or anything surrounding her other than Bucky. Bucky who has a soft little smile on his lips as he stares at her. Bucky, who she had been dreaming of standing in front of her for months, is _right there._

Ana has to make sure this is real before she truly reacts. She blinks rapidly, but he doesn’t disappear. She twists her knee is a way that hurts, but she isn’t asleep. Bucky is wearing a white shirt, detailed with threaded markings that look important, royal. His trousers are a gray loose fitting material and his feet are bare. Clearly the past ten months has done him good, since he now has a brand new arm, sleek and dark blue interlaced with gold. It’s his face though, that kick starts Ana’s heart up again. He looks serene. His blue eyes are clear and popping ridiculously against the white of his shirt. Any cuts and scabs are long gone, and half his hair is gather back into what looks like a bun, the length now just above his shoulders.

“Hi Annie.” 

It’s like daybreak after the longest period of darkness. That simple name, that simple little greeting is what finally makes Ana’s feet unglue from the floor. This is real, and Bucky is real and it’s not another heart wrenching dream. Ana runs towards him, closing the few feet between them. She literally jumps, Bucky catching her instantly, wrapping her thighs around his hips, and kisses him. Bucky tightens his arms around her waist, pressing her close and kissing her back with fervor. 

“Your knee!” Shuri laughs from somewhere behind them. They ignore her. “Love sick, colonizers.”

Ana’s hands are in his hair, gripping and pressing his head closer. Their mouths open against each other’s and Ana has missed the way he tastes. Bucky moves his arm up her back, his own fingers tangling in her hair, to kiss her harder. It’s bruising and perfect, like lighting a furnace deep within her soul. Ana can feel herself slipping, so she drops her legs, but Bucky holds her tighter to his chest. Unfortunately, they break apart, just barely, their noses pressed together. They’re smiling against each other, Bucky brings his right hand up to cup her jaw.

“You came back to me.” Ana whispers, tears welling up in her eyes.

Bucky laughs softly, and it’s the best sound she has ever heard. “Promised I would, love.” He kisses her again.

Ana’s hand slips from his long hair, falling onto his left shoulder. She breaks the kiss again, looking up into his eyes, so incredibly blue and watery. “I’ve missed you.”

“You have no idea.” He says, swiping his thumbs along her cheekbones. He kisses her nose.

“How are you feeling?”

“Good. Better. Brand new.”

Ana beams and the tears escape her eyes. She’s so happy in this moment. 

“I love you.” Bucky tells her, pressing his forehead against hers.

"I love you too. Oh my god. This is real right? Please, please tell me you're real."

"I'm very real, doll face."

" _God_." Ana reaches up to tug his hair, only to pull him back down for another long, overdue kiss.

“I’m fixed, Ana, it’s gone.” He mumbles against her mouth.

She pulls back, completely gobsmacked. “What- I mean- how- what?”

Bucky smiles so wide, his eyes nearly shut. “Shuri. She did this thing with-” he breaks off laughing as Ana places little kisses all over his face, “-the scientists and the-” Ana kisses his mouth, “-thing."

“Very eloquently put.” Shuri cackles behind them.

Ana grabs either side of his head, slipping her fingers into his thick, long hair. She rubs her thumbs against his temples. “Fuck,” She mutters, beaming at him. “I’m so happy for you, baby. How do you feel?” She has to ask again.

“Free.”

The rapidly beating heart swells even more inside her chest. Her stomach flutters, warmth spreading throughout her veins. All she ever wanted was for Bucky to be free from Hydra’s monstrous hands. Ana wants to cry from joy.

Ana turns around in his arms, Bucky wrapping them around her chest. “Shuri, this is incredible. You are incredible! How were you able to do it?"

"Come! I'll show you!" She says excitingly, grabbing Ana's arm, pulling her from Bucky’s hold and dragging her across the lab. He makes a noise of protest, but Shuri ignores him. They come to a stop by a large digital screen. She taps her fingers swiftly on the screen until images of what must be Bucky's brain pop up.

"We used our most sophisticated bi-scanners to create a one on one digital representation of his brain." The insanely intelligent princess explains, expanding one of the images. "The progress we made was tested and retested again in the digital construct, that way there was no damage to the physical brain tissue."

She looks at Ana, continuing. "I was worried about that. If the tissue would be damaged in the process of deprogramming the words, of pulling them apart, since they were basically embedded into his DNA at that point."

Ans shakes her head in disbelief. She knew how deep Hydra's brainwashing went, seventy years of wiping his mind and repeating those words made a giant impact. A long term affect.

"As you already knew," Shuri says, "there was no simple solution, just erasing mental programming, especially after 7 decades. There's no delete button, and you were right, Ana. The majority of his programming was linked to the trigger words. The last thing we wanted to do was remove all of who Sergeant Barnes was. All his loves, his hates, his whole personality-when trying to destroy what Hydra made him into. The hardest part was rooting out the extent of his memories that had the greatest amount of control over his physical actions. The ones that had been manipulated due to their deep emotional trauma. Which was quite a few."

Ana nods, surprisingly able to follow along. Shuri goes on. 

"I ran an Algorithm that was able to flush the influence of the trigger words out, all while retaining the core context of those original memories. Essentially, I was able reboot him."

"So..." Ana speaks up, her voice raspy, taking all the information in. She clears her throat. "Does that mean, his memories..."

"They're all there." She smiles brightly at her. "All his memories, and traits, everything that makes Sergeant Barns himself, is all there. Old memories, and newer ones."

She places a gentle hand on Ana's shoulder. "I was careful. I made sure to keep all his memories with you intact as well. The healing session you told me about, evidently, helped me out more than expected. By performing that, you essentially tied stronger, newer memories, thoughts, feelings, loves, into his brain. It was much easier to separate what he felt with those memories, what he began to associate the former trigger words, as good. Even beforehand, while Deprogramming him, the words weren't as deeply rooted as I anticipated. Which is a direct result from your Deprogramming Sessions as well." 

Ana frowns, befuddled. She had been staring at Bucky as he fawned over the vibrainum knee meant for her. Bucky looks up at her, and she tears her eyes away, locking her gaze back to Shuri. She mulls the words over in her mind for several long moments, her heart beat picking up speed just a little at the implication.

"Essentially, what you are saying is-"

"You did not fail me." Bucky's voice interrupts her from behind.

Ana turns around, blinking. He was just on the other side of the room two seconds ago. He's smiling at her, that one where his mouth is tilted up to right, and the corners of his eyes are soft.

"Precisely." Shuri concurs. "If it weren't for you, our process would have been longer and much more invasive. This took around fourth and a half months."

"Wait. Then I really didn't..." Ana shakes her head again, trying to comprehend all of this information.

Everything she has been beating herself up with, everything she felt immensely guilty of, that weighed on her like 20-ton weights on her shoulders, wasn't true. That she really did not fail in helping him. All those nights she spent crying into her pillow, all the nights she spent alone in their spot on the roof, driving herself into a nearly depressed tail spin. All that time she spent knowing that she could have done more, that maybe if she did something differently, that none of what happened would have happened.

"Annie."

The nickname she once despised pulls her from her thoughts. Bucky is suddenly standing a few inches in front of her, placing careful hands on her cheeks, his touch delicate. Ana revels in the contrast of his hands, warm and cool, allowing it to ground her. She's beginning to feel overwhelmed with everything from the past hour. Arriving in a place she had no idea exist until a day ago, thinking she was here to visit, for a new knee, then having Bucky surprise her, to the information about how Shuri and her team were able to fully deprogram him. She feels dizzy.

"You with me, darling?" Bucky murmurs, smoothing his thumbs over her cheekbones. His eyes are so incredibly blue, and she is drowning in them. Want to drown in them forever.

"I didn't fail you?" She breathes, still trying to wrap her mind around it. She brings her hands up, curling her fingers over his wrists.

His eyes crinkle at the corners as he smiles again. “No, you didn't. You were a big part in helping me." He leans closer, pressing his forehead against hers. "Between you and me, you were the greatest part. You are the greatest part."

Then he kisses her, gentle and tantalizing, the feeling melting right down to her bones. It makes her knees buckle, her right one throbbing, but the love of her life wraps his arms around her shoulders and waist, supporting her against his body. Ana can't help it, a few tears escaped her closed eyes as she hugs Bucky around his back. 

Shuri decides to speak up in this moment. "Your broken white boy is fixed!" She exclaims.

Not expecting that at all, Ana pulls away from him, laughing loud and unabashed. She barely hears Bucky sigh, before she turns and launched herself at Shuri, embracing her in a tight hug.

"You are an exceptional genius!" Ana tells her, tears still blurring her vision. "Thank you, thank you, thank you!"

Her friend laughs in her ear before she leans back. "When my brother told me exactly who Sergeant Barnes was-

"Bucky, Shuri." He interjects. He's ignored.

"-I had to help." She goes on as if Bucky hadn't said a word. "Not just for scientific reason, which is a major breakthrough for Wakandan artificial intelligence, but for the both of you as well. You became extremely sad in your emails, Ana, and his most recent memories were just as sad. I knew this would make you both happy. Captain Rogers too."

Ana beams at her, until it clicks in her brain. She takes a step back. "Oh my god, Steve knew this entire time!" 

No wonder he was eager to take Ana here. That little fucking punk. When she sees him again, she's going to smack Steve in the face with his shield, then she’s going to have to thank him in the biggest way possible when she goes back. She looks at Bucky, who is laughing now, his mouth open and head tilted back. 

 _If_  she goes back.

***

"You've been sitting on a never-ending supply of Winter theme nicknames for him, and I'm only now finding out about it?" Shuri asks, crossing her arms and glaring at Bucky.

It took a while for Ana and Bucky's reunion to die down, even having several of the Wakadans working in the lab clapping for them. It felt physically impossible to pull away from each other, and even now, Ana has her arms around his lower back, her head pressed against his chest over his beating heart. Bucky has his flesh hand in her hair, his left hugging her spine.

"I think you have plenty of your own nicknames for me." Bucky responds. Ana perks up at that. "No. I'm not telling you either, darling. This information in very dangerous in both your hands."

"I'll just tell her later." Shuri winks at Ana.

"You don't stand a chance, Bucky." Ana says gleefully. She hears him sighs. "You love me." She leans back to look at him, and he's already smiling down at her.

"With every fiber of my being." He tells her with conviction.

Her heart swells. "I've missed you. I love you."

He kisses her deeply, until Shuri clears her throat. Bucky pulls back, smiling unashamed. "I’ve missed those nine gold dots.” He gentle brushes his thumb under her eye. “Would you like to see where I live?"

Ana ignores the little pang in her heart at the words. "That sounds like a line, Bucky."

They stare at each other, silly smiles on their faces, and Ana can't help but feel like it's a homecoming, wrapped in his arms.

"Go, go." Shuri says before Bucky can reply. "Enjoy your time, Ana. In two days come back here and we'll start replacing your knee."

***

White Wolf.

It's what the Wakandans call Bucky. It's what T'Challa and Shuri named him, after all this time during his recovery. Ana finds out that the people have essentially adopted Bucky and have accepted him into their society and culture. He explains all of this to her, as she traces her fingers all over his new arm that seems utterly benign.

She can't get over the beauty of the vibranium prosthetic. It's so very different from the other, then again, this new arm was made with careful tenderness from people who genuinely hold Bucky's interest as important. As someone who is indeed a human, with complex thoughts and emotions. Someone who isn't viewed as a weapon.

Bucky allows her to play with his fingers, twisting and turning his wrist, pulling his bicep closer to her face. The technology is amazing, beautiful. The design reminds her of the kintsukuroi artwork she has in her room. She traces every single line of gold she sees; around his fingers, his knuckles, the lines in his palm, around his wrist, up his forearm, over his bicep.

"To repair with gold." She whispers, accidentally interrupting Bucky.

He stops talking and laces his fingers with hers. Then he lifts her hand to his mouth, kissing her knuckles. Ana smiles at him, before leaning into him, kissing him softly on the lips. As he brings his right hand up to rest against her chest and taps her collarbone, she vaguely remembers never believing in a one true love before. But as they sit all alone on the freight train that takes them from the lab, through the city and into the country side, she thinks maybe she was wrong.

***

Bucky quite literally pulls Ana along through a small village made up of scattered little huts. Animals ranging from chickens, to sheep, dogs and even some cats run around. He shows her around the little farm he works on three days a week. He points out the animals, the little goats and sheep, some chickens and lambs. He points out his favorite little goat, who he named Rosa because she's a stubborn little thing that likes to kick at hay bills. The fact that Ana's full name ends with Rosa doesn't go unnoticed, and Bucky blushes when she brings it up. He tells her moving hay bills and other manual labor, makes him feel whole, that he can be helpful. 

He admits, his voice quiet as he pets Rosa on the head, that most days he doesn't even use his left arm. Keeping it safe in a case up in the lab and working with just his right arm makes him feel more human; feel more like himself. That during this recovery process, he had begun accepting himself as who he was. It made him feel like he wasn't just a weapon, and his old Soviet-Hydra- made arm was just an everyday reminder that for seventy plus years, that's all he was.

"I think that's why I was always so cautious with it around you." He tells her, voice barely above a whisper. "All I saw was this horrible thing that could hurt you and I couldn't get rid of. I was stuck with it."

Ana nods. She understands, and to convey that she does, she presses a light kiss to his temple. As Bucky leads them towards the furthest hut just on the outskirts of a small lake, they're surrounded by children with beautiful dark skin, dressed in beautiful wraps with white painted masks on their faces. They're all shouting in a different language, but the smile on Bucky's face tells Ana that they're calling his name. Not Bucky; White Wolf.

He drops her hand in favor of picking up one of the smallest boys, swinging him around in the air. The child giggles brightly as the others all eagerly wait their turn, pining for his attention. Ana's heart blooms warmth, her cheeks beginning to hurt from smiling so wide. Bucky looks so at ease here, content and comfortable, and the little pang gently kicks at her stomach. She ignores it once more as she is suddenly being pulled toward the lake by three girls, who then force her to sit on a boulder.

Bucky makes his way over to them after several minutes of throwing each child up into the air. He chuckles under his breath when he sees the braids in Ana's hair. The girls have been chatting excitedly, and although she doesn't understand a word, she's content to sit there and listen, taking in the life of the small village. Some of the older people offer her friendly waves and smiles, an elderly woman stopping by once to hand her some beads to give to the girls.

"They're saying you have thick beautiful hair." Bucky informs her as he sits down. 

One of the smaller boys from earlier had follow him, and climbs into Ana's lap, taking her hands and playing with her fingers. "I figured." She smiles over at him. "They love you here."

"Yeah, I guess they do." He agrees, pinching one of the tan beads in her hair.

" _Umfazi_!" The girl behind her giggles. " _Umfazi_!"

Bucky clears his throat and turns to playfully poke the girl in the arm. His cheeks, Ana notices, are tinted red.

"What did she say?" She questions curiously. 

"It's not important. She's just being silly."

Ana narrows her eyes, but lets it go in favor of tickling the little boy in her lap

***

After spending a few hours in the village, he brings her to his apartment just on the outskirts of the city. It's a modern place, all types of advanced tech she has never seen before; sleek appliances and even an entertainment center. Bucky lights up while talking about it, a brilliant smile on his face, telling her how cool and amazing the tech is and Stark hasn't even begun to scratch the surface of what this small country has and can do.

It's here that Ana finally realizes what that panging in her heart is. It feels like she's being shot all over again, steel bullets twisting her insides around. A bitter taste fills her mouth and she swallows it with the painful flutter of her heart as well. Bucky looks like he found his place here; recovering, becoming healthy, physically, mentally, emotionally. His excitement and awe of every little piece of technology hasn't dimmed once, despite living here for months.

"You're happy here." Ana states quietly, interrupting him. "You love it here."

Bucky's smile falls from his mouth, a frown setting in as he takes her hands. "I'm happy you're here with me. I'm happy with you."

He leans down to press his lips to her forehead, then trails his lips down to her temple, her cheek, to her nose. He traces his fingers up from her own, to her arms, until he is cupping her jaw. Ana looks up at him, her heart pounding against her chest, her cheeks heating up under his touch. He is looking at her with so much love, so much adoration, that any seed of doubt she was beginning to have fades away.

When Bucky presses his lips against hers, it's tantalizing, nearly burning her bones and melting against his solid body. Ana snakes her arms around his waist, pressing him closer, because at one point she couldn't handle three days away from him, and three hundred and twenty-three days was horrible. She grips his shirt, trying to hold off the sudden emotion swirling in her chest. She must gasp against his lips, for Bucky starts to walk her backwards, his tongue prying her lips open.

Something wet escapes her eyes, and Bucky swipes his thumbs over them. She doesn't know how they got from the kitchen to his room, onto the bed, but she doesn't complain. Ana brings her hands up to tangle her fingers into his long hair, when Bucky takes them both, interlocking their fingers and pressing them on either side of her head. He pulls back to stare into her eyes, and Bucky's own are wet.

Ana gives him a shaky smile. "I'm sorry, Bucky. I love you, so much, and I'm incredibly happy to see you, you have no idea. Or you probably do. I just..." She trails off, her smile fading.

"It's alright, Ana." Bucky soothes softly. "I get it. I love you, I missed you." He kisses the tip of her nose, then pulls back. "I was in cryofreeze for so long off and on, and from what I remember, I didn't dream too often. This time was different. I dreamt of you, Annie. Your face, your laugh, your touch. Just being with you, and when I woke up, there was a moment where I thought you there with me. When I realized you weren't-"

He breaks off. Ana untangles her left hand, reaching up to wipe a tear on his cheek away. "It was horrible without,” She tells him, “and I know that isn't fair for me to say-"

He kisses her to cease her words, and it's a very Bucky like thing to do. It makes her stomach flip. He gently breaks their kiss.

"I nearly begged them to put me back to sleep after they fixed everything. Because being awake, knowing how far you were from me..." Bucky shakes his head, his eye glazing over for a moment. He blinks, then smiles down at her. "I want to show you how much I missed you. I want to show you how fucking happy I am right now."

***

Bucky sits back on his heels, and it should be comical, him sitting there naked with how turned on he is, but it’s not. His hungry gaze pins Ana to the spot on the bed, her heart beating wildly as he continues to stare at her, as if he’s seeing her for the first time. Bucky doesn’t need to show her how much he’s missed her or loves her; Ana can feel the emotions radiating off his skin. However, he’s still too far from her.

Ana lifts her right leg, hooking her heel over his shoulder, the vibranium base feels smooth and sleek. She tries pulling him in, however, Bucky wraps his fingers around her ankle, moving her foot so he can kiss the  _Veni Vidi Vici_  tattoo on the outside of her foot. He then kisses her ankle, trailing his lips up to her calf. He places feather light kisses over her sore knee, the marks from disk faint against her tan skin.

He continues kissing up her inner thigh, her stomach swooping as Bucky moves closer to her center. He ignores her there, opting to lean over and kiss the left side of her hip, where the scars from years ago begin. He drags his lips across her navel, his beard tickling her skin and kisses the newest scar left behind by a bullet. Bucky moves up to kiss the tattoo on her ribs, her skin erupting in goosebumps as his breath fans over the words.

He skips over her breasts, slightly heaving with her labored breaths. She has to bite her lip to keep from whimpering as he tenderly kisses the second bullet scar on her shoulder. Bucky grazes his teeth over her collarbone, tapping his thumb twice, before trailing his lips up her neck and behind her ear, kissing the lotus flower tattoo.

“Bucky.” Ana finally whines, her mouth dropping open as his hard chest grazes over her nipples. “Please."

“Shhh, baby.” He murmurs over her ear, sending shivers down her spine. “I’ve got you.”

His hands find hers, lacing their fingers together as he finally kisses her lips. He keeps his lips soft, delicate, the love he feels for her seeping into her bones. She loves him just as much, but it’s been ten months, and that’s ten fucking months too long. Ana wraps her legs around his waist, tugging him close, until his hard cock is pressed between her legs, sliding against her clit.

They both groan into each other’s mouths at the contact. Bucky brakes their hold of one pair of hands, lining himself up, pressing into Ana. He goes slow, despite how wet she is, making her feel every single inch of him. She breaks away from their kiss, throwing her head back and gasping quietly as he fills her. He slips his left arm under her waist, holding her close and locking her there, as he takes her right hand away from his own, wrapping his arm around her shoulders.

A soft nip to her neck makes Ana move her head back, meeting Bucky’s blue-eyed gaze. His eyes are blown wide with lust, nearly hidden with the love that is shinning in them. With shaky fingers, Ana brushes his hair back, bringing him down until their foreheads touch. He smiles down at her before capturing her lips once again.

On the first thrust, Bucky keeps it tantalizingly slow and deep, already hitting that sensitive spot insider her. Ana wraps her arms around his strong back, digging her fingers into his shoulders. She moans into the kiss as Bucky slowly continues to roll his hips, keeping each thrust deep and perfect. Everything feels like it’s on fire, the air nearly sizzling around them. Warmth seeps into her skin from Bucky, igniting every one of her veins and makes her heart pound against her chest. She vaguely wonders if he can feel just how hard it’s beating for him.

Bucky presses her hips down harder, groaning as her walls flutter around his cock for a moment. At this point, he’s barely pulling back, just keeps grinding deep inside her, her clit brushing against his pubic bone. Their kiss is nothing more than open mouth panting, gasps and whimpers being swallowed down once in a while.

It’s all so overwhelming, especially when Bucky begins to whisper sweet words into her lips, into her neck when he has to duck his head down for a moment. Ana’s nails bite into the skin of his back, holding him closer than ever, their bodies fitting together as if the past ten months never happened. It feels like their first time together, though much more emotional, the distance making everything more passionate.

“Bucky,” Ana whimpers, her eyes fluttering. “Baby, please.”

Bucky kisses her fluttering pulse in her neck before reconnecting their foreheads. “I’ve got you, my love.” He murmurs, keeping his gaze locked on hers.

He pulls back further this time, snapping his hips forward, slow and hard and it’s perfect. With each small thrust, the tip of his cock brushes against that spot, making Ana’s toes curl. Bucky continues the leisurely pace, just opting for longer, harder thrusts. It causes waves of pleasure to roll through her stomach, her walls clenching around him tighter and tighter.

He thrusts once, twice, three more times, before the fire and waves crash together, sending Ana over the edge as she comes hard around his cock. She holds onto Bucky, moaning and whining into his mouth as he kisses her again, her hand slipping from his shoulder into his damn hair. He gasps into her mouth as her walls constrict around him. He snaps his hips two more times before Bucky follows right after her.

***

They’re both panting side by side, slowly coming down from their passionate love making, skin sweaty and cooling from the air around them. Ana’s heart hasn’t stopped pounding since she turned around and saw Bucky standing the lab. She feels sedated now, a bone deep satisfaction she has come to miss. She could lay in this spot forever, except that she’s still too far from Bucky, so, she makes herself move.

She hooks her right leg over his thigh, rolling over to press up against his side. She wiggles around, draping her arm over his lower abs, trying to pull herself up his chest. He wraps his arm around her hips.

"What are you doing?" Bucky chuckles, breathy little sounds that make her heart flutter.

"Trying to get as close to you as possible. Keep you next to me." She says, still wiggling.

"Darling, I'm right here. It's not like I'm just going to disappear into thin air." However, he helps shift her around until she’s comfortable.  

Ana shushes him. "You never know, and I need to keep you close to me. Forever."

Bucky kisses her eyebrow. "This is real, right? I'm not dreaming again?"

She taps her thumb against his collarbone twice. "I'm real, Bucky.” She moves her hand down to the middle of his chest. “This is real."

He brushes her hair away from her temple, shifting until he’s looking her in the eyes. "Annie. Stay with me?"

Ana feels her entire body light up like the stars, and she can’t be sure if it’s just a metaphor, or if her energy is doing something to make her feel like that. Either way, she smiles softly at the man she loves with all her heart.

“Of course.”

Bucky smiles brightly at her, crinkles and all.

“My Winter Snowflake.”

 

******************************************************************************************************************************************

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _Umfazi_ means wife in Xhosa, which is apparently one of the languages spoken in Wakanda.
> 
> <3 <3 <3  
> As always, thank you for reading. Thank you!
> 
> -What Shuri explains is from the upcoming comic, _Infinity War Prelude_ I found it very interesting, considering I figured she would have done something along the line of this anyway.
> 
> Ps: I wonder how many people got not only one reference, but something I hid within there as well.
> 
> (Fun fact, for you not me, I had this chapter completely written out and everything...then my laptop shut off and IT DIDN'T SAVE THAT FIRST DRAFT OF IT. I cried. Legit tears.)
> 
> Stay tuned if you would like for upcoming stories....and maybe little drabbles of this story as well :)
> 
> All the love,  
> -A


	52. Drabbles

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Drabbles

Delicate Stages will continue in Drabbles set after the Epilogue. The Drabbles will be in order, following the life of Ana and Bucky and will catch up with the timeline. It will not be a sequel, but there will be several drabbles.

i hope you’ll enjoy! 

(I will delete this part soon) 


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